The sun rises gracefully through the sky as princess Celestia preforms her royal duties from within her comfy bed inside her luxurious room that lies in her castle which looms over the city of Canterlot at its base.

You though, you don't share that same feeling. Groaning as you slowly wake up, you tumble out of your hard wooden bed that's a few sizes small and mutter words of 'joy' from your now aching nose.

You are Anon and you are-

“The world's first hoo-man thingy that came to Equestria!” Shouts something that lands on your back.

Knowing who just interrupted you, you lift your head so you can speak.

“Pinkie, how many times must I tell you not to interrupt my thoughts?”

“Gee, I lost count. It was something like…” Pinkie holds her fore hooves out to think and count while another set of fore hooves join. “Ten!”

“Yes, ten times. Now please get the fuck off me so I can lament about my life in this world of ponies!”

“Okie-dokie!” With that said, she hops off your back and you take the chance to stand up and stretch your limbs, being rewarded with satisfying cracks from your spine.

*SNAP!*

Uh oh, that didn't sound good. You're suddenly bent at a weird angle as you were leaning backwards, yet there isn't any pain to be felt.

“I don't understand this damn place. Sometimes you feel pain, other times there isn't anything to be felt.” You wonder how this world works as you're certain you should be writhing in agony right now.

“That doesn't look so good, Nonny.” Pinkie 'helpfully' states upon seeing your unnatural bent body.

“Yeah, no shit, Sherlock. Now I gotta find a way to fix this-!”

*SNAP!!*

A loud popping sound reverberates throughout your small two floor home from Pinkie suddenly launching herself through the air into your back, causing you to feel immense pain briefly and yell, “ARGH!! I'm ruined! My back is destroyed- hey... I'm fixed.”

Somehow and defying the laws of physics, Pinkie Pie has fixed your spine and you look upon her with wonder.

“Thanks Pinkie! You're a true friend.”

“Yay! Nonny called me a true friend!” She hops into the air as fireworks go off behind her. You hope they don't catch anything on fire.

“Yeah, yeah. I'm going to take a shower now.” Lifting a hand in a wave, you head to your bathroom.

Staring over at the pink pone from your side of the table, you are still dripping wet as a frown is seen across your face while a plate of eggs and sliced potatoes lie in front of you.

“Nonny, you're letting your food go cold. Eat up!”

“… Pinks, you leveled my bathroom.”

Water can been seen pooling around your feet from the water trailing down your steps from your bathroom.

“It was an accident. How was I supposed to know you would freak out from me going inside while you were showering and cause my Pinkie Sense to freak out and bounce me around?” She giggles at the end which prompts an eye twitch on your face.

“Water is pooling around my feet right now. My goddamn feet! I can fix plumbing stuff somewhat, but not something like that!” You shout exasperated to the bane of your life.

“Cheer up, Nonny. Everyone didn't come here to read about you getting mad!”

“That's another thing. Stop with that shit you keep doing! That 4th-wall thing or whatever nonsense!

“But they're right there! Can't you see them!?” Pinkie points both her fore-hooves directly at the screen from which the story is being read.

You see nothing except air… and the water steadily rising.

“Pinks, there's nothing there. I'm not sure if you have brain damage, but I'm starting to wonder if you really do from this nonsense you sprout.”

Having finished your breakfast, you write a quick note to Twilight Sparkle and send it away from your candle that burns with a green flame.

“Be thankful you have a friend that can fix this mess for once.”

Your other eye now twitches as Pinkie wasn't listening and is now seen happily giggling while she splashes around in the water. Before you can say anything, there's a familiar purple flash and the Queen of Autism is standing beside you.

“… Pinkie?” She asks trying to guess what the problem is this time, annoyed.

“Pinkie.” You answer with a nod.

Twilight lets out her trademarked groan as her horn lights in a translucent purple aura and she casts a reverse time spell only around your home. You make a note of how weird it is seeing water flow upwards to your bathroom rather than downwards. But you digress as the time keeps reversing and eventually you tell her to stop right before Pinkie busted your bathroom.

“Purple Smart, I owe you one.”

“Its Twilight.” She deadpans. “Anyway, no need for that, Anon. I know Pinkie can be a bit of a hoof-full.”

“Still…” You feel bad she helped you out as you can see that spell left her slightly worn out. Your gaze wanders to the pink bundle of joy that was the cause of the issue, eyeing her sternly.

“If you're that insistent, come by my house later. I could use your help with organizing a few books I recently got!”

You slowly turn your head away from Pinkie and casts its gaze on Twilight, an unamused look across your face.

“… You didn't go overboard again like last time, did you?”

Purple Pone giggles uneasily as she takes a step back.

“May~… be? Gottago! Kbye!!”

She teleports away in a flash back to wherever she came from.

“Damnit, Twilight.” You pinch the bridge of your nose in frustration.

“Aww! No more water. I wanted to swim!” Pinkie complains.

“… Goddamnit.” You mutter, pinching your nose harder.

“Thanks! Come again!” You say to the pony who grabs their bag of cupcakes you placed on the counter and trots away. “… When I'm not working.” You mutter at the end.

“Nonny! No spongy references.” Pinkie says quickly as she poked her head out from the kitchen.

“I wasn't. Its how I really feel,” You shrug, not knowing the hell she meant by that. Spongy? The fuck?

Glancing around, you see Sugarcube corner fairly empty at this point and check the time.

“One hour left. One more and then I can relax from this madness.”

Another pony trots on in and orders a triple fudge sundae that you jot down and hand to Pinkie as she zooms by. A minute later she returns with the item on a tray surrounded by various other overly sweet treats. Taking the rather cold dessert, you set it down on the counter.

“Here you go, a triple fudge sundae. 8 bits please.” You say in a bored tone.

Pulling out a pouch from somewhere (seriously, how the hell do they do that? Hammerspace? Nah, probably magic. Always fuckin' magic), the pony sets 8 bits down and thanks you, happily trotting away with the diabetic dessert.

“Stupid horses.” You mutter.

“Pardon me?” The pony asks as she turns around.

“I said you forgot your spoon.” You say as you lift up a spoon.

She grabs it out of your hand with her magic, “Thanks!” and sits down at one of the various tables to enjoy her dessert.

“Nonny! What did I just say about the jokes!?” Pinkie chides you as she glared.

You resist the urge to slam your face down on the counter. Mostly due to the fact you'll have to pay for damages and you can't afford that. These ponies be lowering their job wages and shit for aliens. Fuckin' greedy animals.

“Pinkie, I'm not doing any damn jokes. Stop thinking I am.”

“Yeah huh! You copied the bald octopus almost word-for-word!”

Having typed that and glancing over his words, Ridley X groans.

“Great, third chapter in and I make a terrible reference to a kids cartoon in a story about a kids cartoon. The things I do for other people's enjoyment…”

Chuckling lightly, he takes a swig of peach tea and resumes his typing.

“Octo- Pinkie,” You begin to say exasperated. “for the last damn time, I'm not making any jokes, I don't even know what the hell you're talking about!”

Scrunching her face up and narrowing her eyes, a few tense seconds pass that has you suddenly feel like death himself is staring at you. Seriously, this pink pone is starting to scare the shit out of you!

“Okie-dokie!!” She pronks away with a smile plastered across her face, leaving you to blink twice and clutch a hand over your chest as he sit with your back against the counter.

“… What the hell was that?” You question yourself in disbelief. “Not once has Pinkie made me feel like that. Sure, she can be scary at times, but this felt like she was gazing into my soul and about to pass judgment onto me! Something felt off though. Her gazing… it felt sinister.”

Wiping your forehead, you see its drenched and shake your thoughts away. Standing up, you don't take note of anything strange and dismiss what happened as nonsense. You return back to work as another pony trots inside and a white unicorn with a blue and yellow striped mane leaves.

“2 strawberry cupcakes, please.”

You sign and reach into the display to retrieve his order…

You pretend to wave at the last customer as your shift ends a few hours later.

“Alright Pinkie, its 5:00 PM.” You let her know as your take your apron off since it got a bit busier than usual today and you had to help Pinkie with baking.

“Okie-dokie! See you later, Nonny~!”

Did you hear that right? It sounded like… nah, its your mind playing tricks trying to make you hear silly things that you didn't hear.

Walking out the shop, you take a mighty inhale of the air air and feel rejuvenated. Say what you will about this world and its annoying ponies, but the air is just -so- clean and fresh compared to that nasty shit you got used to breathing in on Earth.

Deciding to go help Purple pone as you promised, you head to her treehouse and knock three times.

“Coming!” Yells the voice of Twilight from the other side.

“Yeah, I hope not.” You chuckle at your dirty joke. The door opens a few seconds later and Twilight beams happily as she gives you a hug.

“Thanks for wanting to help me, Anon.” She smiles as you remove her hooves from around her torso.

Walking inside as she shuts the door, you see crate-upon-crate of books in the center of the room filled to the brim with books with Spike rooting through one of them.

“… That's a lotta books.” You state the obvious.

“I know. I got carried away.” She replies sheepishly with her cheeks flushed.

“This is gonna be a goddamn pain, y'know, Twankle Spankle?”

“Twilight. Its Twilight!” She narrows her eyes slightly at you.

“The name of that terrible book series. Alright, gotcha.” Hiding your shit eating grin, you begin to spend the next hour helping her organize her books.

While you two are taking a break from being almost finished by relaxing on her couch, your eye catches sight of something strange sitting on her coffee table.

“Twilight, what the hell is this thing?” You ask as you lift the rectangular thing up.

“Oh! I was going to ask you about that when we finished.” She replies, her eyes focusing on it in your hands. “I found that yesterday near the outskirts of Ponyville. I couldn't figure it out or what it is as I've never seen anything like it.”

Checking the back, you flip it back over and lift a brow.

“Odd. Its a tape recorder from my world. But why the hell was there a lone tape recorder just lying on the ground?”

Pressing the open tab down, you see there's a tape already inside. “Hmm, there's a tape inside and it seems to have something recorded already on it.”

“Really? How fascinating! Such a small thing can record sounds?”

“Yep. Might as well see what's on it.” Closing the lid, you rewind the tape and press play.

At first, there's only the ruffle of fabric and nothing else. But then you begin to hear voices.

“So Anon-” You hear come from the recording. It was Twilight's voice and you glance at her as she seems confused. Its followed by, “So Anon,” and this time its your voice you hear this time. Opting to hear the rest, you quiet your thoughts.

“What I was going to say-”

“What I was going to say.”

“I want to know-”

“I want to know.”

“Are humans always this dense?”

“Are humans always this dense?”

“Anon, stop this!” Twilight's voice in the recording had a tone of annoyance and hurt to it from those words. Sure, she's an OCD freak, but you wouldn't ever be mean to her like you hear from your voice in the recording.

“Anon, stop this!”

“I'm warning you!”

“I'm warning you!”

“I'm Anon and I'm an annoying jerk!” Twilight's ears fold back hearing her recording say that. She hates that you get her name wrong, but she wouldn't ever call you a jerk.

“You're Twilight and you're an annoying pony.” You focus since it seemed your words finally changed. But why? What's the point of you copying her? You don't ever remember doing this and wouldn't ever do this to her.

“I like to suck and gurgle on stallion cocks-” are the last words said as the tape recording clicks to signify its over.

You can only stare dumbfounded at the device as those last words sink in. You just heard Twilight say she likes to… Lifting your head, you gaze at her as she returns your look with one of open shock, ears lowered, mouth opened, eyes widened, the whole nine yards.

“…”

“…”

Silence reigns in the air for a few minutes. What even can be said? You just heard yourself and Twilight bicker and her saying she likes to suck and gurgle cocks. It makes a shiver run through your body. That recording seemed -and for some reason- felt real, almost like that actually did happen even though both of you wouldn't ever do that to each other.

“… Anon?” Twilight says quietly.

“Yes?”

“T-that isn't true. I don't do s-such a thing.” You see her looking like she's about to cry. Deciding to man up, you wrap your arms around the book pone.

“Its okay, Twi,” you comfort her. “Its gotta a fake. Someone must have copied our voices. I sure as hell know I wouldn't ever tease you like that.”

“I know, Anon. But sti-”

“But nothing. Don't believe that shit as we both know we didn't do that. So lets get back to putting the rest of your books up!” You grin as you stand up and help her up, a grin now on her face.

“Right!”

Deciding to make sure no one ever hears that again, you place the device on the floor and stomp on it till it lies in pieces.

“Rest in pieces.” You say in your best Undertaker voice. Twilight lifts a brow and you shrug. “Human thing. Besides, that thing was evil.”

You head over to the last two crates and finish putting the last of the books up a few minutes later.

“Thanks for your help, Anon. It would have taken me days to catalog and shelve all these books.

“No prob, Nerdy-Pony.” You grin.

“Twilight!” She all but shouts to you which only makes you grin more. She lowers her gaze and scruffs a hoof along the floor. “Also, thanks for… believing in me earlier. About the… thing.”

“Again, no problem, Twi. You're a friend of mine and I know you wouldn't ever do anything of the sort!” Patting her head and scratching behind her ears a couple times, you wave and head out. Glancing at the town clock, you see its already six pm and decide to head home.

Arriving at your house, you climb your steps and enter your home. You see Pinkie Pie is sitting on your sofa, reading one of your hidden "special" magazines you had on you when you got warped here.

“Pinkie! What the fuck are you doing!?” You shout at her and lunge at the party pone. She slips through your hands and sits on your back as you land belly-first across your sofa.

“Silly Nonny, I'm reading one of your books! I got bored waiting on you and went through your dresser for something to read!” She scowls and giggles. “Your only books I found only have pictures filled with strange things shoving parts into other parts. Boring!”

“Yeah, that's 'cause its a porn magazine, you stupid horse!” You growl and flip over, yanking the magazine from her hooves.

“Hey, give that back!” She cries and flails her hooves trying to reach for it. You lift your arms away from her and keep it away from her grasp. She stands up on her hind hooves to reach for it, but wobbles and plants her flank firmly down near your groan. You gasp as she landed a little hard and almost knocked the wind out of you.

Seeing her about to reach for it again, you growl, “no you don't!” and flip over once more, pinning her beneath you as you stuff it inside your jacket.

“No matter what, you annoying ponies always seem to cause me headaches from your shenanigans. Every. Fucking. Day.” You say tiredly. “Like right now you were looking at my special magazine.”

You wait for Pinkie to respond.

“…”

You grow curious as she still hasn't said anything. This is Pinkie we're talking about. Not hearing her talk and drive you insane means something's up. Glancing down, you see her cheeks are flushed a deep red and her eyes widen slightly.

“Pinkie?” You think she might be embarrassed for once on something she did wrong, but when you feel something wet around your groin, you lower your gaze.

Pinned over her? Check. Pinning her fore hooves down with your arms so she could stop trying to resist? Check. Groin touching against her's? Check. Sounding aggressive like a predator? Check! No wonder why she's blushing! You pretty much made it look like you were dominating her. Still, that doesn't display the wetness you felt-- and there it goes again.

Glancing back up, you see her face blushing even redder.

“… Pinkie… Are you seriously getting off to the thought of a weird alien dominating you?” You finally ask in disbelief.

She doesn't respond right away. You consider letting it drop before she meekly nods her head and quietly says, “yes.”

Wat?

“Nope! Fuck this!!” You shout and stand on the floor. “You fucking ponies are weird!”

“But Nonny! Why don't we have fun by you filling my oven with your frosting shot from your party cannon!!” She cries out to you.

Double wat.JPG

“You! Are! Weird!” You all but yell to her. The hell is wrong with this pony!? You're not a horse fucker.

“But we could have so much fun. All the readers care about is sex anyway!” She giggles.

“What readers?”

“Them!” She points a hoof behind her directly towards the camera screen and at the device the story is being read from.

“Pinkie, for the last goddamn time, there isn't anything there.”

“Sure there is!” She gazes at the camera screen and grins wide as she waves.

“Hi there! What's your name?” You see her ask to the air. “Really?!? Oh wow, that's such a neato name! Are you enjoying the story!?” She asks happily. You see her ears lower a bit. “Yeah, I know. Nonny is being a meany-pants so there won't be any of that. But-!”

You walked over and picked her up. “Pinkie, you need to get your head checked as this isn't right. You're talking to thin air.” Before she can respond, you open your door and toss her out.

“And stay outta my porn stash!!” Slamming the door, you decide to call it a day and flop down onto your sofa for a short rest. Yes, a short rest... sounds… lovely.

Glancing at a crystal ball that shows you asleep on your sofa from her throne, princess Celestia has a smirk across her face as she watched what had transpired and raises a hoof to her muzzle, glancing to the fourth-wall camera.

“It is so simple to mess with my favorite human toy. A little spell to make Pinkie Pie see things that aren't there to drive him crazy this time. Let's keep this our little secret though!” She winks and giggles as her smirk widens.

Author's Note

Whew, finally got it done! Due to the thing called real life, it really delayed this chapter. Not much else to say besides again hope you enjoyed those few minutes on this chapter!