Equestrian Adventures

by Brandon R

Rating: everyone
Tags: Crossover, Human, Adventure
Length: 1723

A record of my visit to Equestria.

OK, so Equestria's got some human visitors before. But it's never seen anyone quite like Brandon Rogers, an interdimensional traveler who lands in Equestria after tumbling out a portal into Applejack's farm. Follow along as he meets the Mane 6, battles its worst villains, and learns about this strange new world. What ticks off Rarity more than anything? Why is Spike so devoted to Twilight? And what the heck is this "magic of friendship" Brandon keeps hearing about? Find out all this and more!
(PS: This is just for fun)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2017-04-13 22:54:53 UTC

1 Rough Landing

One thing I hate about interdimensional travel: It's NEVER a smooth landing. I mean, you might get lucky and land in a bed, or an actual soft surface. Me? Not so much. Whether it's falling to a street 20000 feet below, crashing right into an oncoming car, or doing the world's worst cannonball right into a raging river, I always get the rough landings. Seriously, would it kill the universe to give me ONE smooth landing? But I'm getting ahead of myself. There's something you need to know. And it's pretty urgent.

My name is Brandon Rogers, and my life has been ANYTHING but normal. When I was three years old, I was watching Rescue Rangers on the TV. As I was sitting on the rocking chair watching the movie, I thought, "Wouldn't it be so cool if I were actually there, helping the Rangers win?". Guess what happened about three seconds later? Yep. Next thing I knew, I was right there, and if it wasn't for some very quick thinking I probably wouldn't have survived. Over time, I learned that I was one of a very select group of people called Travelers- people who could cross the boundary between reality and fiction. Normally, this boundary would be kept VERY secure, but turns out that Travelers like me could go back and forth between our world and whatever fictional universe (or multiverse, in some cases) we just happened to reading, watching, or playing at the time. I also learned that any form of fiction- be it a play, book, video game, movie, comic book- is actually a portal to their respective universes, but only we Travelers could open those portals and access them. Unfortunately, not all Travelers are like me. Whereas I fight for justice and peace wherever I go, some Travelers are a little less responsible, bringing chaos and evil wherever they go. It's my job to hunt down these Travelers wherever I find them, and to help the heroes of each universe win the day. I've visited plenty of universes, some freaky, some awesome, some WAY too freaky to ever warrant a return visit, and many,  many more. Anyway, back to my story.

I was tumbling through the endless void of the fictional multiverse when I fell right through a portal-and got a face full of mud. "Agh!" I got up and tried to brush myself off. You ever got mud on your clothes? Yeah, you thought that was bad, try getting it off with no running water, no soap, and only your bare hands. Yeah, not pretty. Good thing I usually don't dress nice on inter-dimensional excursions- black combat gear, combat vest, black jeans, black T-shirt, black tennis shoes. "OK," I thought. "What kind of weird world did I just land on right-oh, CRAP...." Everywhere I looked, everything looked as if it were hand-drawn in a manner similar to a animated cartoon. But that wasn't why I groaned- it was because it seemed I'd landed in a show designed for little girls. Everything was colored pastel-like, with lots of bright colors. I seemed to be on a farm of sorts. Apple trees dotted the landscape as far as I could see to my right, and a bright red barn could be seen just out of my vision behind me. OK, this seemed pretty and all. But what wasn't so appetizing was the fact that I seemed to have landed smack in the middle of a pig pen-and its occupants thought I had some tasty treats for them. "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" I exclaimed as the pigs all converged on me, squealing in delight. Sure, these pigs looked friendly enough, but past experience reminded me of farm denizens that weren't so friendly-like that one time I got stuck in a pen filled with fire-breathing, man-eating pigs. So, not wanting to find out the hard way whether these pigs were of that particular variety, I made a beeline for the nearest fence, the pigs in hot pursuit. Thankfully, these pigs were neither smart or particularly fast, so I managed to leave them eating my dust and vault over the fence to safety. I was just about to start looking for the exit when a female voice with a heavy Southern drawl reached my ears. "Well, ain't seen you before, stranger." I turned to face the newcomer, braced for- I really didn't know what to expect, honestly. Each world had its own kind of strange inhabitant. Mermen, dragonfolk, aliens, vampires, superhumans, astronauts, the list went on. I was ready for all manner of weird. But I wasn't quite ready for what I saw. Firstly, the newcomer wasn't even human- she was a horse! No, wait, a pony, I corrected myself- too small for a horse. Indeed, this girl- if she could be called that- was a good, oh, what, 12 hands(that's 48 inches for you non-farm folk) high? (I was just guessing at the time.) The newcomer had white freckles on her cheeks, an orange coat, and blonde mane and tail. She was also, strangely enough, wearing a cowboy hat. "You new here? Visiting?" she inquired. I decided to come clean with her. She looked pretty honest, and I was likely gonna have to tell her anyway. Besides, fictional characters could easily pick out a Traveler like me. We had a habit of sticking out pretty easily. "Yeah, pretty much. Just landed from off world," I replied, sticking out my hand. "Name's Brandon. Brandon-" But before I could finish, my arm suddenly started shaking at the speed of light- mostly because the pony was shaking my hand with her hoof rather enthusiastically. "Well, howdy do, stranger! We here at Sweet Apple Acres sure do like making new friends! I'm Applejack," she introduced herself, still shaking my hand. "So, what can I do for ya?" She finally stopped shaking my hand (which I still have no idea how she was able to do). My arm was aching after all that shaking, so after I managed to get it to stay still, I managed to reply, "Ah, not much, really. Look, I'm just looking for the exit. But you COULD tell me where I am and what year it is." "Well, sugar, you're in Ponyville, the friendliest place in Equestria! As to what year it is, well, we don't have a calendar here in Equestria, but I can tell ya it's getting close to the Summer Sun Celebration." She must have noticed the confusion on my face, because she went on: "Oh, never heard of it?" I shrugged. "Jeez, I just got here, for crying out loud!"  "Well, then," she continued, "the Summer Sun Celebration is one of our most important festivals- ever! It's the longest day in the year!" "....That's an odd reason to throw a party. But then again, I've seen way stranger." I suddenly smelled the delicious aroma of something baking wafting from the farmhouse. "So, your farm a bakery, too?" I asked. Applejack smiled. "Well, no, but the entire Apple family is in charge of the food every year!" "....Wait, the ENTIRE Apple family? How many relatives do you HAVE, exactly?"  In response, Applejack reared up on her hind legs and rang a bell on a nearby tree. "SNOOP'S ON, EVERYPONY!" she called. The ground started shaking like an earthquake-no, more like a.... "Oh, no." I realized what was about to happen. An entire herd of ponies was about to come thundering down the road- and I was standing smack in their way. Luckily, I'd dodged one too many stampedes to not know what to do. As soon as the ground started shaking, I made a mad dash for the nearest tree and started climbing like a crazed squirrel. Thankfully, the herd passed right under me. Unfortunately, in my haste to not become Equestrian roadkill, I'd forgotten I had an audience. "Uh, sugar? You can come down now." Applejack called to me from below. Cursing myself for being so hasty and for potentially embarrassing myself in front of Applejack, I dropped out of the branches and landed to see a rather large herd of variably colored ponies, too many to count. Suddenly, I was glad I'd moved out of the way- a herd of that size would have definitely dealt me a grave injury, if not outright killed me.  "OK, I guess I know now- a lot." I remarked. "Now, why don't I introduce you to the Apple Family?" She launched into a series of rapid fire introductions, too numerous even for me to remember, but I did catch Apple Bloom, a younger pony with a yellow coat and a bright red mane, Big Mac, a mature, laconic pony with a red coat and orange mane, and Granny Smith, an elderly mare with a pale green, wrinkled coat and a greyed-out mane. When she finally finished, all I could manage was an awkward "Um, hey, guys...?" "Now, you hungry? Can we getcha anything?" To be fair, I was pretty hungry, but it didn't feel like gorging on desserts would satisfy me. However, I was curious. If this was an apple farm, how did these ponies do apple pie? "Well, not really, but I would love some apple pie."  No sooner did that leave my lips than the ponies dashed off, and mere seconds later, I had a veritable Mt. Everest of plates in front of me, each stocked with apple pie. I looked at Applejack. "....You sure you wanna give me this much? I don't wanna eat everything right before the celebration, ya know." "Aw, don't fret! We can always make more!" Oh, well, I thought. Best not be rude, especially when free food is being offered. Looks like my plan to check out the local watering holes was gonna have to wait. A few minutes later, and I was stuffed like a museum exhibit fit to display. I was pretty sure my belly had expanded so much it could serve as a trampoline. I managed to get up. "Welp, it was nice meetin' ya, Applejack, but I got places to go, people-bleah!- I mean, ponies to meet-" And knowing my luck, a world to save, I added mentally. "-so I gotta jet. See ya!" With that, I jogged past the herd of ponies and out the gates to explore this new world.