My Sister, My Sister and Me

by ArtieStroke

Rating: teen
Tags: Sunset Shimmer, Random, Discord, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Dazzlings, Comedy, Equestria Girls, Coloratura
Length: 5103

The Dazzlings host a podcast- shenanigans ensue.

The Dazzlings are not experts- and their advice should NEVER be followed.

Adagio insists that she's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on her wall then I haven't seen it.

Also, this show isn't for kids- which I only mention so all the babies out there listening know how cool they are.

What's up, you cool babies?

A take on the Dazzlings' role in the Oversaturated Universe, with heavy inspiration from the various shenanigans of the McElroy brothers.

Published 2017-05-15 01:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-06-15 23:23:50 UTC

Wasting Away

"Dear Dazzlings,

I have to go to a friend's wedding in a couple months, but I can't for the life of me figure out a good look for it. None of the dresses in my size are any good- it's just so hard to get plus sized fashion! Plus it's a beach wedding and those are just so hard to dress for, you know? Do you have any advice? Or at least maybe a tailor in the Vanhoover area you could recommend?

Sincerely,
Naked in Neightona Beach"

"Well, first of all we need to agree- Adagio isn't allowed to answer this question," Aria said. Sonata immediately nodded in agreement.

"Oh, that's rich coming from the ripped-sleeves denim club!" Adagio shouted.

"Talk to me when you're not wearing- gods, what even IS that?"

"It's a SIREN SUIT-"

"Hey, hey, hey- we've got a question to answer!" Sonata said, holding her hands up. Adagio rolled her eyes and backed off. Clearing her throat, Sonata continued.

"This is ACTUALLY a pretty good question- and who better to ask than magical extra-dimensional sea creatures, right?" Sonata smiled, "Beach fashion is, like, SUPER easy to figure out."

"Also super stupid."

"Come on, Aria- don't be such a grump! It's fun! Floral prints, khakis- it's relaxing."

Aria groaned, "Yeah, let's just go ahead and kill cool fashion one shirt at a time. Take that."

She started to tune out a bit, scrolling through the music app on Sonata's recording laptop while the youngest siren continued to try and defend her fashion choices. As she prattled, Aria's eyes grew wider and wider as the 'recently played' sidebar revealed a dark, terrible secret.

"Well I- excuuuuuuuse me for wanting to have a little fun! It's like late October in Canterlot City- I'd like to live on island time just a little bit longer! Gosh, don't you ever get homesi-"

"Okay, shut the fuck up for a second."

"I will NOT be SILENCED-"

"Sonata Dusk I am GOING to put you on BLAST," Aria shouted, standing fast enough that her chair clattered to the floor behind her. She grabbed her mic, stooping over the computer as she scrolled, "I mean I know you're absolutely brain dead, but did you get some fucking ACUTE AMNESIA during our split? Because I just- Okay, folks at home I'm currently scrolling through Sonata's recently played tunes-"

Sonata's eyes widened, as she scrambled from her chair, "ARIA NO!"

"ARIA YES!" A boot planted firmly in Sonata's face was enough to keep her at bay, "Alright- like I was saying, I've got Sonata's recent tunes and holy mother of the sea I am gonna go OFF- first off we've got Take it Back by Yummy Buffet-"

"ARIA PLEASE!"

"Nautical Wheelers by Yummy Buffet-"

"ADAGIO HELP ME!"

Adagio sat, in stunned silence, as Aria's voice grew slowly less gleeful and more maniacally peeved.

"Jolly Mon Sing by Yummy Buffet, Steamer by Yummy Buffet, Treat Her Like a Lady by Yummy Buffet, Manana by Yummy Buffet, When Slalom Plays the Drum by YUMDIDDLY SCRUMPTIOUS BUFFET, Neighvana Daydreaming by Yummy Buffet- what the FUCK happened to you!?"

Sonata sank to her knees, crying out to the heavens for mercy, as Aria continued her tirade.

"Are you HAUNTED? Are you fucking POSSESSED?!"

"I had a case of the Mondays!"

"You USED to be my SISTER!"

Quietness quickly fell on the podcast set- Aria glaring downward at Sonata's sniffling form, Adagio scooted back a good three feet away from the epicenter of this madness.

"I just had a case of the Mondays- I had those ol' Monday blues!" Sonata whined, "And I was just trying to chase them away!"

Adagio carefully scooted back to her mic, leaning in close and speaking with a somewhat more quiet voice, "I just want to remind our dear listeners about the concept of this show- you see, Sonata is supposed to make up one-third of the team that feels qualified on how to tell other people to live their lives. On this note, I will say- perhaps some kind of hip-looking chiton in a pastel shade complimentary to your skin tone would be a beach-ready choice for your wedding attendance needs."

Aria and Sonata both snapped out of their tense situation, turning towards Adagio. Aria nodded.

"Oh yeah- that'd probably work."

"Yeah, yeah, not a bad idea."

Level 9000 Woohoo Answers User Quill Davenport

"You girls wanna woohoo?"

Adagio raised a single eyebrow at her youngest sister, while Aria scrunched her face off.

"Sonata, what the hell!?"

"It's a website! It's a website full of funny questions that some people submitted!"

"Oh yeah, that makes much more sense."

Sonata cleared her throat, "Like I was saying- Woohoo Answers is a website where people looking for advice can submit questions. A lot of those questions, however, sound like they were submitted by aliens trying and horribly failing to sound like people."

"And we're gonna rip these questions apart like so many baby seals?"

"Abso-LUTELY," Sonata said, grinning wickedly, "This one was submitted by a mister Quill Davenport- actually, he sent in a LOT of these! And they're all pretty good! Thanks, Mr. Davenport!"

"Yeah, you're a real trooper, slogging through rivers of internet crap to find a single nugget of gold," Aria said. Sonata gave her a look, trying to figure out whether she was being genuine for once or nah. She cleared her throat once again.

"Anyways, this Woohoo Answers user- who's name is... not showing up. I'm just gonna call them Billiam."

"Billiam?"

"Mmhmm! Billiam says- What is your favorite.... WIZARD SWEAR?"

Aria immediately snorted, doubling over as Adagio leaned forward and tented her hands. Sonata bit her lip, looking the paper over front and back.

"Once again for our audio listeners- Billiam asks What is your favorite wizard swear?"

Adagio raised a single hand, and Sonata pointed at her.

"Yes, my dearest oldest sister?"

"Is there any context for this question?"

Sonata barked out a single laugh, "Of COURSE not!"

"I see... I'm actually pretty partial to 'fuck'."

Sonata and Aria both burst into laughter, Aria pounding on the table as she tried to regain composure (a noise that she would very angrily find out later is hard to edit out for final publishing.)

"It's like- 'Ah, FUCK my wand broke again'!"

Sonata fell out of her chair, threatening to take her mic with her, "Where's my FUCKING cauldron!?"

"Abraca-fuck off I don't want a magic potion, I'm just trying to order a margarita here!"

Adagio soon found herself snorting back giggles as well, the good mood too damn infectious for the former emotion eater.

"Starswirl's FUCKING dumb Beard, how am I supposed to shoot some hoops on a BROOM! I'm all about that ball life!"

Aria let out a snort, "Sonata, you haven't touched a basketball once in your life, what are you EVEN saying."

"It's just a hypothetical! Maybe if I was a wizard I'd wanna dunk some fly hoops!"

"Right, sure- let's move on."

Author's Note

Just a reminder- the Sirens may not be experts, but they do adore their fans. They ESPECIALLY adore fans that send them more questions and ~~Yahoo~~ Woohoo Answers for them to rip apart mercilessly.

Ancient Grease

Dear Dazzlings,

I may or may not be researching magical time travel, and I was hoping you girls could give me some entirely hypothetical destination points. So, if you could be anywhere in the world at any point in history, when and where would you be?

Curious in Caneighda

"Oh, that's an easy one," Adagio immediately says, elbow firmly planted on the table in a lounging sort of pose, "Remember that little town out west we stayed that one time in the mid 19th century?"

"Those were some fun times," Sonata said, nodding. Aria groaned.

"Eugh- no thanks. Way too dry for my taste, I don't get how you two could stand it."

"You have to suffer for your aesthetic, Aria," Adagio said, flashing a grin as she shifted to be more comfortable in her chair and getting closer to the mic, "Those flouncy tavern dresses were the only decent things humanity has ever created."

"What about-"

"Whatever it is, it's bad Sonata," Adagio immediately cut her off.

"But-!"

"Bad. Just, so so bad."

"BUT IT'S DELICIOUS!"

"See?" Adagio rolled her eyes, "I could have absolutely fucking guessed you were talking about tacos. Why is it always tacos? I'm half tempted to plagiarize Aria's rant from the last episode but control-f and replace 'Yummy Buffet' with 'Tacos'."

Sonata puffed out her cheeks, "I was GONNA say the food in general, but sure! Go ahead and reduce me to a two-dimensional Neighxican food obsessed static character! I'm fine with that- except NOT!"

Aria blinked, "Wha-"

"Shoo be glorfet doo, she's actually picking up the big words from Discord."

"I! Get! No! Respect! Around! Here!" Sonata whined, balling up her fists and pounding them on the table to emphasize her point. Adagio groaned.

"Well, it's not like you do much to do so."

"I GOT us this show!" Sonata cried, standing up, "And you know what? People like it! People actually kind of adore us, and it wasn't even with your dumb, stupid mind-control wiggly-woo!"

"Woah, hey-" Aria started, holding a hand up- but Sonata continued.

"I'm a member of this team! Like- an actual third of it! But you always treat me like some sort of brain-dead good-for-nothing and gosh for ONCE in your life Adagio could you NOT treat everyone like a fucking accessory to show off when it's convenient!?"

The three sisters were silent for a few moments. Adagio was shocked- shocked by Sonata's lucidity and a little more by how it actually shocked her.

"... Sorry."

Sonata blinked, and slowly sat back down.

"... 'Kay."

Aria had moved beyond shocked to absolutely wigged out, looking between the two.

"Maybe we should... cut this part out from the final episode."

Sonata and Adagio both nodded.

"Probably for the best."

"Yeah. Not what the listeners wanna hear."

Aria nodded back, "Aight- back to the original question- the 80's. Here. Reliving those dope-ass metal concerts."

Sonata snorted back a laugh, and Adagio chuckled, "She said, surprising absolutely no one."

Aria shrugged, "Stick with what you like. I'm not going back to a time before hair straighteners, this shit is hard to maintain, okay?"

"I liked those years we spent in Whinnice," Sonata said, sitting up a bit straighter and smiling again, "The moonlit gondola rides, the pasta, the constant violins on the breeze~"

"Those were some good times," Adagio said, also smiling, "The Itailians had the right ideas as far as relaxation goes."

"Ooh- maybe we can plan a little R&R trip there sometime!" Sonata said, bouncing in her seat. Adagio thought it over for a moment.

"I never thought I'd say this, but- not a bad idea, Sonata."

"You fuckin' saps," Aria muttered, "Alright, there you have it- go where your stomach or aesthetic tells you to. Next question."

Author's Note

"Why go back in time when you've LIVED through most of history" -The Sirens' Tale, now available on e-publishing platforms.

A Serious Discussion on Reproductive Issues

"Alright, let's get another Woohoo in here," Sonata said, clicking through the now-digitized document of questions sent in by viewers for the week's episode.

"Yes, let's do that. Just get right into that Woohoo."

Sonata gave Adagio a hard look over the lid of her laptop as she continued to scroll.

"...Anyways- this one was also sent in by Quill Davenport- thank you Quill! We oughta get these recurring users a nickname or something, don'tcha think?"

"Yeah, but that would require effort on our part," Aria drawled, sprawling in her chair like a miscreant with her voice distant enough from the mic to effect the audio quality later.

"Well, boo to you then! I say... Level 9000 Woohoo Answers User Quill Davenport."

"Oh, yes that certainly will be easy to remember."

"It'll catch on! I'm tellin' ya!"

"Why stop at level 9000," Adagio said, oozing with sarcasm, "Why not 10000? 20000? Hell, level infinity!"

Sonata stuck her tongue out at Adagio, "It's a REFERENCE- not that I would expect you to understand 'popular culture', Adagio- or as we hip kids say, 'pop culture'."

"I'm hip!"

Sonata raised an eyebrow, a smirk working its way onto her face, "Oh yeah? I bet you don't even know what a dab is."

"It's- Sonata that's a fish. We're fish. Why would I NOT know what a dab is?"

"Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure."

"Aria, back me up on this!"

"Nah- Aria ain't here right now. Leave you message at the beep."

"ARIA!"

"ANYWAYS!" Sonata looked back at her laptop, "The Woohoo answer user here, by the name of... something's gone wrong."

"That's their name?" Aria asked.

"No, it's- this dumb website isn't loading anyone's names- okay lemme just refresh here," She clicked once, the tension filled five seconds of silence as the webpage reloaded kept in the final production for posterity.

"Krazyfan1."

"Well that was definitely worth the fucking wait."

"Don't be a wet blanket, Aria- anyways, Krazyfan1 asks: Am I pregna- no wait... they ask 'Am I pregant'."

Another short silence made it's way onto the audio file, before Aria snorted.

"Am I pragnent, Adagio?"

Adagio was trying her best to suppress her giggles, as a single snort escaped her mouth, "I don't know- ARE you pargant?"

"Am I... gregnant?"

"Could I maybe be pregnate?"

Sonata let out a strangled laugh as she pounded the desk, "Help!"

"Is there a possibility that I am pegrent?"

"Am I pregegnant or am I okay?"

"How do I know if I'm prengan!?"

"I'm dying!!"

"Can you get... preganté~?!"

"Do you still bleed when you are pergert?"

"What is the best time to get the sex to become pregnart?"

"You guys suck!"

Author's Note

Thanks to Krazyfan1's youtube comment which I will repost below:

The Dazzlings are NOT Experts

To the Dazzlings, who are not dear at all but may be my last hope,

I work as an intermediary between PAULDRONS and the dolphin pods who have sought out contact with humanity following the saturation. While for the most part the legal kinks have been worked out, we've hit a bit of a snag regarding ownership laws--specifically, the dolphins are having some difficulty comprehending ownership and friendship as being separate concepts, as they seem to naturally view friends as being owned by their friends--and the languages of the pods I am working with does not quite allow for the distinction. The celephapods are mitigating the issue somewhat by being 'business partners'--a dolphin will own a few celephapods, who handle all the legal and practical ownership matters for them--but given their child-like nature and currently short life span this is an issue that will come up sooner rather than later. As ex-aquatic lifeforms yourselves, could you provide an example of friendship that is not ownership and vice versa that I can get the dolphins to understand?

Silk Weaver, from Flowerda

"I'm gonna stop this one right in the bud," Aria said, "And refer you to our opening dialogue for every episode so far-"

"We've done like two!"

"EVERY EPISODE SO FAR- saying that we are, without a doubt, NOT EXPERTS."

"So yeah, don't sue us when we give you dumb advice about this serious issue," Adagio said, nodding, "It certainly has been a while since we've spoken Wavetongue on the regular."

"Are the dolphins even using Wavetongue?" Sonata asked. Adagio and Aria both shrugged.

"I don't know, I'm not the one acting like an ambassador to all of dolphin kind." Aria said.

"True enough- though I was a fan of some of their works."

"Oh yeah? Name five dolphin albums right now!" Aria called from across the table. Adagio hummed, tapping a finger to her chin.

"Well obviously you've got 'Singing with Porpoise'- no, fuck it I'm not doing that bit. I MEAN that dolphins can be pretty fucking ruthless! And you know what- I respect that. I don't begrudge a species thinking it's the boss. So long as it doesn't try to be the boss of me."

"Yeah, you're already bossy enough." Sonata said, immediately trading a sick high-five with Aria. Adagio groaned.

"Okay, I set myself up for that one- but for real. Trying to translate concepts from one language to another when the other doesn't HAVE that concept? Kind of a bitch and a half to do."

"Fucking prime numbers, am I right?" Sonata said.

"Yeah, fuck those- I mean, the closest thing I can think of is maybe removing the 'ownership' prefix? Instead of saying 'leybli siichii', just go with 'bli siichii'- not exactly grammatically correct OR a direct translation, but I think it roughly gets the point across."

Aria cupped her hands around her mouth, "Nerd."

"Fair, but consider this: fuck you."

"How about my own rebuttal- eat a thousand dicks. Just- a thousand."

"Girls, girls," Sonata said, holding her hands up, "We're missing the point- this isn't a grammar question! It's a life experience question! And honestly I think we might be qualified to answer this for once."

Aria and Adagio both gave her disbelieving looks.

"I mean, the best example I can think of far as friendship without ownership would be like... family. Like us, kinda."

Aria blinked, sinking back into her chair, "Huh. I mean... wow, you're not wrong. It's sappier than most Caneighdian trees, but damn."

"I think Discord is starting to rub off on you a bit much," Adagio said, "You're full of far too many surprises, Sonata."

Sonata did her best to curtsy from a seated position, "I try my best."

Up a Greek Without a Paddle

"Goddess above, I can barely translate this one," Adagio mumbled, scrolling through the answers list.

"Eugh- you know what? I'm just gonna read it as written. Maybe this will teach some of you cretins the meaning of good spelling and grammar. This is what your writing sounds like- this is how stupid you sound."

Aria groaned, "Just read the damn thing already!"

"Fine! Ahem-"

HI Dazzlers, Dark Feather here.

"DAZZLERS?!" Sonata cried.

-While doing a report on ancient mythology I came across the sirens from ancient Grease, but ther- thur? thar? thar. THAR discription is not what I heard you look like in ful siren form.

Was there a missconseption or a desseption? Earth natives?

Senserly Dark Feather.

Adagio stuck out her tongue and gagged, "Please! I'm not even a native speaker and I spell your language better than you!"

Sonata elbowed Adagio in the side, frowning, "Meanie. Anyways- yeah, that was us."

"Mmm-hmm."

"Oh, one-hundred percent us," Adagio nodded, "We TOTALLY had much more of our magic early on in our banishment- your ancient monkey ancestors were SO much easier to trick and eat."

"Yeah just-" Aria started snorting, holding back laughter, "Just gobbled them right up- pfff HAA!"

All three sirens burst out into laughter, slapping the table and doubling over to their own desires.

"HA! GODS no that wasn't us! You people have had your own mythology for FAR longer than we've lived here!" Adagio wiped away a tear, regaining her composure, "Though, were those old sirens inspired by Equestrian sirens? Maybe. That old goat Starswirl was a fan of dumping his problems in other dimensions and meddling. So who knows?"

"You know," Sonata started, "I think this leads pretty good into this next Woohoo~."

Aria scrunched up her face in disgust, "Never- NEVER! Say 'woohoo' with an implied tilde EVER again."

Sonata stuck out her tongue, "I'll say it however I want! Anyways- this one was sent in by Level 9000 Woodrew- I mean Woohoo-" Sonata immediately broke down, laughing.

"Oh- could you imagine? He's just- so good at Woohoo answers they rename the site after him?"

Aria and Adagio chuckled as Sonata got the giggles out of her system, Adagio shaking her head.

"Jeeze- no, that's dumb. That's a dumb idea, Sonata."

"It's SUPER dumb and I'm totally stealing it and starting a petition," Aria said, grinning as Adagio lightly smacked her in the arm.

"Aria I will fucking eat you, don't test me!"

Sonata cleared her throat, "ANWYAYS- Level 9000 Woo-DREW Answers user Quill Davenport, thank you Quill. This is by- Krazyfan1 again."

Sonata frowned, humming.

"Sheesh, this is like the umpteenth Woohoo Answer we've seen by this guy," Aria said.

"I guess they're just really curious about stuff!," Sonata said, before turning back to the screen," Anyways, Krazyfan1 asks: what would you consider the best parts of being able to breath underwater? i mean, diving for sunken treasures, floating around, being relatively safe from non water breathing foes, that sort of thing?"

Adagio immediately snorted in laughter, "Oh my GODS- SAFE? In the OCEAN?"

Her snorts quickly turned into cackles, as she leaned back into her chair it started threatening to tip over. And, with a small scream, it did.

Aria immediately pointed and laughed as Sonata scooched her microphone away from the noise.

"I liked the quiet of it. Like- right before you ambush some unwary guppy for a meal. Never saw us coming- REALLY good for hunting!"

Adagio grumbled, staring daggers at Aria as she righted her chair, "Well- you're not wrong. Though I think I most enjoyed how relaxing it was- both being at the top of the food chain and just being able to... just float for a while, not caring about anything."

"The comfort of the current against your scales?" Sonata chimed in, earning a nod from Adagio.

"Yeah. It was... Do you ever miss it?"

Silence hung over the sirens for a moment, each of them taking a bit of introspection. Aria frowned.

"Man, this question turned into a real bummer."

Sonata nodded, "Yeah- new rule? No more bummers."

"I'll agree to that."

Broadcast Break

"-And remember, kiss your lover square on the lips." Adagio finished, as the sirens turned off their microphones. She stretched, before getting out of the chair, "Well, I think we're starting to get the hang of this."

Aria rolled her eyes, "Yeah- all you gotta do is talk into a microphone for two hours. I'm the one up all night editing this shit."

"Aria, you're never in bed before 3 AM as it is."

"Hey, counterpoint- Fuck You."

"Oh yes, that old compelling argument," Adagio said, turning and leaving the room. Sonata grabbed her by the shoulder.

"Actually- I kind of had something I wanted to ask you girls."

Aria and Adagio both looked at Sonata, quirking their eyebrows.

"Yes...?"

Sonata shifted uncomfortably, "Well... I've been having a lot of fun with these. And I've been talking with some others and... well..."

She looked from Aria to Adagio, and back again, "You... would you be upset if I started doing more of these with other people? Not like answering questions just... other web stuff that maybe didn't have you guys in it?"

Aria's eyebrow remained firmly stuck in it's questioning position, before she shrugged, "What do I care? Do what you want- that's what I'd do."

"I won't begrudge you a solo endeavor," Adagio said, carefully removing Sonata's hand from her shoulder, before grinning sharply, "Just don't try and upstage us and I'll forgive you for being so selfish."

Sonata grinned, bouncing a little before dragging Adagio into a hug.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

And as quick as she was getting the life squeezed out of her, Sonata let Adagio go, before barreling out of the room.

"I gotta go get set up- thanks, Dagi!"

Adagio grimaced, rubbing one of her surely bruised ribs, "What does Sonata even plan on DOING by herself?"

Aria shrugged, "Eh, it'll probably be dumb anyways."

"So you hear about vidja games?"

Coloratura giggled at Sonata's question, adjusting the volume levels in the web call, "I have been known to play some of those 'video james'. Actually, I recently did a charity for sick children involving it."

"Cool, cool, whatever- anyways, this game is gonna blow every other game you've ever played out of the WATER."

"Please, do tell- I see you've got this very nice looking car set up here." Coloratura said, maximizing the screen-sharing window.

"Well, only for now."

Coloratura raised an eyebrow, "For now? What do you-"

And with an ear shattering 'CRUNCH', a digital semi-truck rammed right into the sports car, crushing it between the truck and a nondescript wall. Sonata let out peals of laughter as Coloratura jumped.

"This game is called 'RayCS.Ride' and you can crash ALL THE CARS in it!"

"Oh no."

Confidential Confidence

As the soothing tenor tones of John Q Discord's introduction faded out, replaced by a pretty jamming theme song, Adagio flipped on the mics- the broadcast was a go, green all across the board.

"Hello and welcome to My Sister, My Sister and Me- an advice show for the modern era," she purred into the recording setup, "I'm your oldest sister, Adagio Dazzle."

"I'm your middlest sister, Aria Blaze."

"And I'm your sweet, baby sister Sonata Dusk~!" The last siren said. Aria rolled her eyes, but the youngest siren was not deterred.

"Anyways, this is a new thing we're doing- podcasts! Lotta people seem to like the news vlog thing, so this was our best next step into the hearts and homes of our fans!"

"And it's probably gonna be just as dumb, too." Aria grumbled. Sonata nodded.

"Oh, absolutely. But that doesn't mean it can't be fun, too!"

"Better than lounging around doing nothing," Adagio said, twirling some of her massive hair around her finger.

"As much as I enjoy being a hedonistic goddess at times, life has gotten rather stagnant."

"Always good to shake things up a bit- ooh! That's the first bit of advice here on the show, now!" Sonata said, bouncing in her seat. Adagio smirked.

"Hah- I'm already the best out of the three of us at this thing."

Aria glared at Adagio, before straightening up in her chair, "Whatever- we've got a bunch of papers here, what's all this for?"

Sonata smiled, "I'm glad you asked! I set up some posts for questions on the internet- these are all the good ones people have submitted."

She then made a bit of a face, sticking out her tongue, "Had to throw out a LOT of garbage ones, though- like, you have NO IDEA how many bummers people sent in."

"I've been on the internet, I think I have a good guess," Aria said, taking a page at random, "Alright, let's get this over with."

Dear Dazzlings,

I'm trying to break into the music scene, but I don't know if I'm any good. My friends say that they love my singing voice, but to be honest I can barely squeak out a note in front of a crowd. Do you have any advice on how to be more confident in myself?

Sincerely,
Quiet in Canterlot

"Honestly?" Aria started, "It sounds like you just don't have what it takes. So you should just quit."

Sonata gasped, "Aria, that's not good advice!"

"It's a cutthroat industry- if you don't have the spine to make it, it will eat you alive," Aria shot back, "So if you can't get over yourself, then you're doing yourself a favor by not trying."

Sonata humphed, sitting back in her chair, while Adagio sighed.

"True as that may be, getting over something as stupid as stage fright is easy- just imagine the audience in their underwear. Making out."

The other two sirens blinked in unison, before turning to the oldest sister.

"Hold the fucking phone here, folks," Aria said, "Adagio- is that what YOU do?!"

"Wha- pfft! As if!" She scoffed, "I mean, come on- me? Have STAGE FRIGHT? HAH! That is the most ridiculous- I mean, could you even IMAGINE?"

Adagio let out a rather forced laugh, as Aria and Sonata shared a look.

"Alright, follow up- the old "audience in their underwear" trick is probably the oldest one in the book- what the HELL are you talking about with that last part?"

Adagio waved Aria off, "That's exactly my point- it's an old, hackneyed technique- adding the next level of sexual perversion steps up the game, injects new life into old crap-"

"-Reveals your oldest sister as a pervert to the entirety of the Internet-"

"-Honestly, I should be making videos of my advice and selling it, instead of handing it out for free! These words coming out of my mouth are worth their weight in gold- I'm a god damn innovator!"

"You're SOMETHING, alright." Aria said, rolling her eyes.

"And hopefully that something was helpful to our dear listener," Sonata nodded, "Alright- next question?"

You Better Believe I Aim To Collect

"Oooh, this one's interesting," Aria said, leaning over Sonata's shoulder. Sonata glanced over the question as well, before giggling, as one of Adagio's eyebrows threatened to migrate into her vast curls of hair.

"What's interesting? What's going on?"

Aria and Sonata both looked at Adagio, then back at each other, before busting out sharp, pointy grins.

Dear Adagio,

Remember, you still owe me twenty bucks.

Deltoid

Adagio froze for a second, before rolling her eyes and resuming her languid posture.

"Shoo be glorfet do, that old bet? I swear, I just-"

"Okay, before you go on," Aria said, still grinning, "Explain- and in the most VIVID DETAIL- what is going on here because I am just getting absolutely drunk from your misery."

Adagio glared at Aria, before growling, "Alright- so you two know where you found me after Discord started 'getting the band back together', as it were?"

"Yeah! You were in a freak-sho-"

"Rude, Sonata! Anyways, let's just say- I may or may not have made a bet with one of my fellow... employees-"

"And by 'may' you mean 'absolutely did and the proof is right in this email'."

"-ANYWAYS! He bet that I wouldn't last a month. I took it, but before the month was up you all finally showed your faces, Discord made his offer- why am I even explaining this, you all were there!"

Sonata giggled, and Aria nodded, "So, by technicality... you lost the bet."

Adagio harrumphed, "Well, you know what- actually, hey Deltoid? You listening right now?"

Aria and Sonata leaned closer to Adagio as she got nice and close to the microphone.

"Come and fucking take it, you overactive thyroid gland!"

"OH SNAP!"

"FIGHTIN WORDS RIGHT THERE!"

Adagio smirked as Sonata and Aria continued to whoop and holler. Eat your heart out, Deltoid.