Sky Stinger Thinks The Holy Grail Is Down His Toilet
"God, I love anime." Sky Stinger continued to stare at the ceiling. "Sometimes I wish I was an anime. I sit awake all night thinking about it and worry about things like that."
"Okay." Vapor Trail sat uncomfortably in Sky Stinger's front room, staring at the haphazard pile of old Playstation games on the floor and the numerous katanas clumsily mounted to the wall. "Uh, what sort of things do you worry about?"
"Like..." Sky Stinger's eyes went wide. "Is Attack on Titan real?"
"No".
"Oh." Sky Stinger pursed his lips. "But what if it wa-"
"No, it's not real. " Vapor Trail sat there in silence.
"Yaaaaaawn!" Sky Stinger stretched wildly, attempting to hook his hoof around Vapor Trail's shoulder. "Let's play some Magic the Gathering, but I have modified the cards so that they have proper anime eyes."
Vapor Trail leapt off the sofa before the hoof could make contact, skittering to the edge of the room. "Oh boy, is that the time? It's so late! I'd better... whoops!" In turning to leave, she slipped on a ream of paper. "What's this?"
"Oh god no!" Sky Stinger's eyes went wide and he dived towards his friend. "No, no, don't read it!"
"It looks like..." Vapor Trail stared warily at the page. "An Excel spreadsheet full of anime. With little ticks next to them. I...."
"No!" Sky Stinger fell onto the floor in a tangle of limbs. "No! Stop reading!"
Vapor Trail turned a queasy shade of green as she read the list. "I.... what... no! What the hell? What the hell, Sky Stinger? What's wrong with you?" She started to spew a chunky trail of vomit into the air. "Blarrrrrrrrrrgh!"
"Oh god no oh god!" Sky Stinger grabbed the list out of Vapor Trail's weakened hooves and ripped it in half. "I-it's just a list, j-just a list! I didn't enjoy them! Honest!"
"Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!" Vapor Trail sat there with her mouth hanging open, coating the far wall in puke.
Sky Stinger dashed into the bathroom and firmly flushed the list down the toilet. "Phew!" he said, wiping his brow as he came back into the room. "You can stop now."
"BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" Vapor Trail turned, the torrent of sick blasting from her mouth like a fire hydrant smashing Sky Stinger in the face. "Oh god oh god BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"
She slowly calmed down, breathing hard and patting her chest. "Wow. Oh wow. I'm sorry. But... I... I mean...." She looked into Sky Stinger's eyes. "You said you didn't like them? Do you promise?"
"No! I mean yes!" Sky Stinger smiled weakly back at Vapor Trail. "Vapor Trail, I...." He leaned forwards, closing his eyes and opening his mouth wide for a kiss.
"BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"
A few moments later, a dazed Sky Stinger picked himself up from the floor. "Yeah, I guess I deserved that."
Vapor Trail left the room in tears. Sky Stinger sat in silence. Finally, he spoke. "So uh, how did you think that went?"
"Room for improvement, cadet!" Rainbow Dash popped up from behind the sofa. "I thought you'd sealed the deal there, but she found your Excel spreadsheet of anime that you'd watched."
"But not enjoyed!" Sky Stinger squeaked. "I just need to finish watching a series, that's all!" He grumbled to himself, moving into the bathroom to clean himself up. "I just need Vapor Trail to fall in love with me! Maybe my collection of hugging pillows that I had commissioned to look like her will do it. Or if I could show her my Rubik's Cube!"
Rainbow Dash's head popped around the corner. "Wow, what, you can do a Rubik's Cube?"
"What?" Sky Stinger stared blankly at her. "Oh. No. But I own one. I just worry about her mental health you know. I'm the sane, adjusted one, I feel a real need to help her and be by her side and... whoa, look!" He pointed into the toilet bowl. "Rainbow Dash, look at this!"
"Not again!" Dash's head vanished from sight. "You're disgusting!"
Sky Stinger peered closer to the bowl. "No, no, not this time. It's... it's the Holy Grail!"
With a flash, Dash was staring into the toilet, eyes narrowed. "The Holy Grail?" She looked closer, pushing her head into the bowl. "I can't see anything. You're an idiot." Shaking her head, she left.
Sky Stinger simply sat there as if hit by divine inspiration. "No!" he cried to himself. "It's the Holy Grail, and it's hidden down my toilet! Thank you, Celestia! Thank you!" Tears of joy fell down his cheeks. "If only I could retrieve it, then Vapor Trail would fall in love with me!"
***
"So." One day later, Spike stared down Sky Stinger's toilet bowl. "You want me to what?"
"It's in there! The Holy Grail!" Sky Stinger hadn't slept a wink, having spent the entire night trying to reach for the Grail, use a plunger, anything to rescue his prize. "I've invited Vapor Trail round to see the Holy Grail and I'll finally seduce her and we'll watch some anime."
"Oh?" Spike blinked in genuine interest. "What anime?"
"I have a spare list.... No!" Sky Stinger slapped himself. "Focus, Sky Stinger! Spike, your mission is to travel into my toilet and retrieve the Holy Grail!"
Spike tugged on the fishing wire tied around his waist. "I was wondering about that. I was wondering why you invited me round. It's not like we know each other, I'm just..."
"Small, yes. With little claws!" Sky Stinger picked up Spike and threw him into the toilet. "Go, my friend! Go and rescue the Grail!"
"I guess I've got nothing left to lose!" Spike took a deep breath and ducked his head under the water. "Blub blub blub"
At that exact moment, the doorbell went. "Ohmygosh! She's here! She's here!" Sky Stinger leapt to his hooves and left Spike in the toilet, rushing around his small house to get everything in order.
"Good luck!" Rainbow Dash gave a hooves up as she ducked behind the sofa. "Give her hell!" She paused. "Oh wait!" With that, she zipped into the bathroom.
"There's something down here!" Spike's voice echoed up from the toilet bowl. "I'll try to... OH CELESTIA NO!"
Sky Stinger was distracted from answering the door by a terrible noise coming from the bathroom.
"PFFFFFFFFFFFFFT PLOP PLOP PLOP"
"Rainbow Dash, no!" he cried, running towards the now locked bathroom door and hammering desperately. "No, no no!"
"Oh wowwwwww," Rainbow Dash's voice echoed from the other side. "I shouldn't have had that sprout vindaloo last night!" "PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOPPLOP"
Little horrified cries echoed from Spike's porcelain prison.
Vapor Trail's confused head popped up next to Sky Stinger's. "Sky... what's going on?" she squeaked.
"Ooooh boy!" cried Rainbow Dash. "This isn't gonna stop anytime soon!" A terrible plopping gush like a demented firehose sounded out.
"Noooooo!" Sky Stinger sunk to his knees. "Spike! My only friend!"
"Spike?" Vapor Trail frowned. "Sky Stinger, what do you me- oh, what's this?" She leant down to pick up a discarded sheet of paper. "Huh, it's another Excel spreadsheet. I... I... oh no."
The bathroom door slammed open and a terrible looking Spike staggered out. "HELP ME!"
Vapor Trail trembled, looking at the list, and then down at Spike.
"BLAAAAAAAAAARGH!"
THE END
Author's Note
This story was actually written a year ago, but not published due to it being so highbrow. Present Perfect helped. Also Nines. Maybe Pascoite. I have blocked it from my mind. Sorry.
