The Tale of the King of Madness vs. the Boogey Man, featuring the poetic talents of the Wandering Bard

by King of Madness

Rating: everyone
Tags: Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random, Slice of Life
Length: 957

The King of Madness takes a stand against the master of fear.

This is the tale of how the King of Madness, accompanied by the Wandering Bard, faced against the Boogey Man himself.

Inspired by the Tale of Sir Robin skit from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

This is a gift for The Wandering Bard

Published 2017-04-13 03:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-04-13 03:20:01 UTC

A Tale of True Bravery

It was a stormy night... because that's always when things go down! Lightning flashed and thunder roared as a black horse galloped through a spooky looking forest... because things always go down in spooky forests! The horse's face was covered by a mask that looked like a horse's skull, making it look undead in appearance. It galloped passed the monstrous-looking trees while the the two passengers he carried bounced off his back.

The front passenger was a strange being alien to Equestria. He was humanoid and had a black, monstrous body. He also wore a white mask that resembled the face of Cthulhu, with empty black sockets where two yellow/white orbs floated as eyes. Despite being a mask, it moved like it was a real face. The eye sockets; the place where eyebrows would be; even the tentacle beard wiggled around with life at times. He was the King of Madness... and he was on a mission.

Behind him sat a mare with tan fur and a green mane. She held onto a stringed instrument with her hooves and bounced atop the stallions rear as he galloped. How she didn't fall off was a mystery. She was the Wandering Bard, the greatest artist in Equestria.

The Bard raised an eyebrow at her eldritch companion. "So, would you mind telling me why we're riding this guy?"

"Let's just say, we had a bet and he lost." Madness stated.

The stallion grumbled.

The Bard nodded. "Okay, and where exactly are we going?"

Madness' mask raised an eyebrow as he turned to face her. "I didn't tell you?"

"No."

"Oh, okay. Here's the deal: I'm going to go fight the Boogey Man and show the world that I'm fearless!"

"...Why?"

Madness rolled his eyes. "Bard-sensei, I am the King of Madness! I don't need reasons for everything I do other than I feel like it."

The Bard slowly nodded. "Uh-huh... And why am I here?"

"Because this is going to go down in history!" Madness explained. "I need you here to write songs about my bravery that will be passed down from generation to generation!"

"...Riiiiight."

"In fact, go ahead and get started!"

"Umm... Okay." The Bard cleared her throat and started tuning her instrument.

"Is that a guitar or a ukulele?"

"It's-"

"Actually, it doesn't matter. Just start singing."

Once she had the tune ready, The Bard started her song.

"Hail to the King of Madness. As brave as can be.
He would scale any mountain and swim in any sea.
He cannot be defeated. It's just a piece of cake.
Believe me when I tell you, he really is that great."

Madness nodded with satisfaction. "Awesome work! Keep it coming!"

"He could stare down any monster. And punch out any beast.
Where you see a gang of sharks, he sees a glorious feast.
He truly is the greatest, and that is why I sing.
All hail to Madness. All hail to the King."

"Oh, you're making me blush under this mask." Madness said bashfully.

"He's stronger than a hurricane and faster than light.
When he faces the Boogey Man, he will not lose the fight.
He never gets tired. He never gets sick.
The only downside to him is he has a tiny-"

"That's, uh, That's enough for now I think!" Madness interrupted.

At this moment, the horse came to a stop at the top of a hill. Madness overlooked the valley in front of him. There, standing several yards away on another hill, was the Boogey Man.

The master of fear looked at the masked face of Madness and smiled. "Ah, the King of Madness has arrived." He hissed out.

The Bard patted Madness on the back. "Go get him, King-kohai!"

With a nod, Madness leaped from the horse and stared down the Boogey Man.

The Boogey Man smiled. "Are you ready to face your fears, King?"

Madness scoffed. "There ain't nothing that you can throw at me that I can't handle!"

The Boogey Man's smile widened. "Really?" He raised his hands to the sky and the ground started to shake. After a few second, the very ground around the Boogey Man started to churn. Then things started to crawl out, circling around there master.

Madness' orb-like eyes widened.

There were several gigantic creatures squirming around the Boogey Man. There was no mistaking them. The long bodies. The pinchers. The legs. So many legs! Centipedes! GIANT CENTIPEDES!

With a scream, Madness jumped right back onto the horse. "Run! Get us out of here!"

Obeying, the horse ran away from the hideous scene.

Madness was shaking. "Ohhh, I'm gonna need a nice long shower after seeing that."

The Bard re-tuned her instrument.

"Madness ran away. He ran off like a coward.
His pride was greatly wounded. His demeanor was sour.
He hangs his head so low now. A path of shame he walks.
Who would have thought King Madness was really just all talk?"

"Shut up! Give me a break, they were GIANT CENTIPEDES!"

"He thought he was a hero, but now we know the truth.
We thought that he was fearless. That he would fight nail and tooth.
But now we all know that if a creepy-crawly danced,
The mighty King of Madness would surely wet his pants."

"I am going to throw you off of this horse!"

"Be sure to tell your friends, be sure to tell your folks.
The mighty King of Madness is really a big joke.
His name is now mud. His reputation ravaged.
Watch out for the Wandering Bard 'cause she is freaking savage."

"Buck you!"

Author's Note

Well, Bard-sensei, I hope you enjoyed your present here. I figured you could use a laugh.