Author's Note
If you enjoyed the story, be sure to check out my other comedy stories, such as The Newest Princess of Equestria and The Secret Life of... Rainbow Dash.
Dreadnought
Pinkie Pi
The Secret Life of... Pinkie Pie
“Goodbye!” waved Pinkie Pie, as Sunflower walked away with her mother. Another successful cute-ceañera for Ponyville’s resident party pony. Closing the door, Pinkie turned to look at the inside of her beloved Sugarcube Corner. Streamers and banners hung on the walls, dirty plates littered the tables, and pieces of colorful wrapping paper lay strewn across the floor. She faced hours of cleaning, but knew it was a small price to pay for the super big smile Sunflower wore during her party. Just the thought warmed Pinkie’s heart and she cracked a massive smile of her own as she walked over to the closet to get out the cleaning supplies….
Tired but proud, Pinkie stood back admiring her hard work. The dishes and silverware lay in drying wracks on the kitchen counter, and the clean tables were stowed away. Several large bags of trash now filled the green dumpster behind the sweet shop. After sweeping the floor, Pinkie mopped and waxed until it shone. Now the late afternoon sun streaming through the windows reflected off the floor, reminding Pinkie Pie she urgently needed to run an errand before it became too late.
Climbing the stairs, Pinkie glanced all around her bedroom, then began looking under her bed, behind all of the furniture and in her closet. Confused, she scratched her head. “Where – ” she said, turning around. “Gummy! There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you! Are you ready to go visit Aunt Fluttershy?” The baby alligator stared back blankly, presenting no response to the querry. “Come on Gummy!” she said, picking him up and putting him on her back. She bounded down the stairs and burst outside into the wonderful Friday afternoon.
A short time later Pinkie Pie approached the home of her pegasus friend, Fluttershy. The little cottage clearly reflected the animal-loving spirit of its owner. Burrows underneath the house afforded shelter to small animals, while the turf room provided space to play or stretch out beneath Celestia’s radiant sun. Birdhouses hung from all the surrounding trees and chicken coops filled the backyard. Pinkie crossed the small arch bridge over a lazily flowing brook and reached the front door. Knock! Knock! Quickly the door opened to reveal the yellow pegasus. “Hiya Fluttershy!”
“Oh hello Pinkie Pie,” she replied. “Are you here to drop off Gummy?”
“Yes-sir-ree!”
“Oh, I’ll take good care of him while you’re gone.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“You’re not?” asked a confused Fluttershy.
“Nope!”
“Uh, then why did you ask me to watch Gummy for the weekend?”
“I am going to be super busy and I need to focus.”
“Oh, are you busy planning Rainbow Dash’s next party?”
“Nope.” Looking around before leaning in, Pinkie explained in an exagerated whisper, “It’s a secret!”
“Oh, I won’t say anything.”
“Okey-dokey!” Placing the alligator at Fluttershy’s feet, Pinkie provided Gummy his final instructions. “You behave and I’ll be back bright and early Monday morning.” She gave Gummy a quick peck, all the while he continued to stare blankly.
“Have a good weekend Pinkie,” wished Fluttershy.
“You too!” she replied before turning towards Ponyville.
Pinkie merrily bounced back to Sugarcube Corner, eager to start her weekend. She had two days all to herself, and she was determined to complete her project. If she was lucky, she might wrap up early and have Sunday afternoon to spend with her friends or look for fun around Ponyville. But more than likely, she wouldn’t finish, necessitating another quiet weekend of solitude sometime in the future.
Pinkie Pie reached her bedroom and shut the door, making sure to lock it. Bouncing over to a cabinet, she gathered a set of papers along with a quill and ink set, which she meticulously organized at the center of her table. Next, she pulled two dozen thick books from underneath her bed, spreading them all over the table and piling a tall stack next to her stool. Finally came the party planning board, decorated with notes detailing ideas for super-fun parties, new recipes for scrumptous treats, and designs for her latest inspirations, the party bazooka and the party panzer. Momentarily pausing to examine her ingenous plans, she flipped it over to reveal a dry-erase board, with large complex equations scrawled across it.
Sitting down upon her stool, Pinkie Pie scrutinized all her notes, wanting to ensure she fully understood the different techniques she employed during her previous attempts and seeking insights to guide her current efforts. Out the window a glorious sunset gave way to a beautiful starry night. But she continued pouring over her work, examining every variable, derivation, and logical leap, not wanting to overlook a single detail that could be the difference between success and failure. Hundreds of complex calculations and equations filled every corner of her notes, some carefully written out and others scribbled in brief flashes of genius. Finally, satisfied everything had been accounted for, she stood up and trotted to the board. She stared at it for an hour, working different possibilities and postulates in her mind. Returning to her desk, she rummaged through the reference books until late in the evening....
Pinkie Pie woke up to the morning sunlight streaming through her window. Opening her eyes, she found herself using a book on complex variables as a pillow, while a little drool dribbled from her mouth onto the pages. Good thing Twilight wasn’t here to see her defiling a precious book! Sitting upright, the book clung to her face for a few moments before falling to the table. Pinkie felt pangs of hunger, causing her to go to the snack cabinet. The cabinet stood loaded with chocolates, cupcakes, Twinkies, sweet rolls, muffins, pies, and candies of all types. Reaching down to the bottom shelf, though, she grabbed a red apple and returned to her stool, mindlessly munching as she continued to examine a series of proofs.
By late afternoon, Pinkie still hadn’t made any progress. Growing discouraged, she stood up and noticed the sun hanging low in the sky. Had she really been working all day? And what did she have to show for it? Nothing. Not even a small flicker of inspiration to shed some light on the problem. Flopping down on her bed, she wondered if she would ever reach a solution....
Pinkie Pie awoke to a room dark and quiet. Looking over to her clock, she saw it was five thirty in the morning. Had she really slept all night? Wincing at the light of the lamp, she got up and grabbed another apple from her cabinet. She returned to the table and continued her work.
By early afternoon, Pinkie Pie felt exasperated and disheartened. Variables, complex equations, and ingenious proofs swirled in her head, yet she still hadn’t made any progress. Standing up for the first time in hours, she walked over to her board. She went over and over her notes, working through everything in her mind. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Frustrated, she closed her eyes and took a long deep breath. Opening her eyes, she didn’t look at the writing, but stared beyond, to the hidden equations and variables lurking behind the obvious. Then, in the back of her mind, a spark. I didn’t think of that before! Well, that could mean – She paused to consider the implications. Well, then that would be affected. And I could substitute – Could it be? Could that be the missing piece? Have I done it!?
Pinkie Pie returned to her table. Pulling out a clean sheet of paper, she began her calcuations. Now most ponies considered unicorns to be the most gifted mathematicians. Using their magic, they could write down equations and calcuate solutions far faster than pegasi and earth ponies who had to slowly write by mouth. But Pinkie didn’t consider this a weakness – no, she found it a strength. Unicorns quickly worked out equations, hurridely moving from one step to the next. But earth ponies wrote more slowly, and could carefully analyze their work as they went, taking time to make sure it was right but also poised to discover unforeseen insights. And Pinkie took full advantage as she carefully proceeded through the problem....
Pinkie sat down her quill, and started jumping for joy! Not only had she solved the problem, but she checked her work several times, always coming to the same answer. Eureka! She felt like running through the streets naked shouting “Eureka!” No, that was silly! She ought to dress in her finest formal attire and run through the streets shouting “Eureka!”
Before she raced through the streets of Ponyville, Pinkie decided to type up her analysis. She went to a cabinet and pulled out an old, worn typewriter. Feeding the paper and making sure the platen caught, an extra large smile broke out across her face. If only other ponies knew what she had done! But then, her reputation as Ponyville’s most fun-loving pony would be ruined. Most ponies found mathematics to be extremely boring. Except for Twilight. But though she was outstanding at algebra, trigonometry, and even calculus, the math Pinkie Pie had used in this proof was far beyond Twilight’s level of study, or – Dare she admit it? – comprehension. No, she must keep her passion for mathematics secret from all her friends, Twilight included. Turning back to the typewriter, she began:
A Proof of the Riemann Hypothesis
Dr. P. Pie, PhD
