This isn't my bathroom...
With a slam and subsequent cacophony of clattering a bedraggled pony walked into her house and flopped gracelessly directly onto the cold hard floor. The last candle had long since dwindled to nothing making the house no more warm or bright as outside. However a feeling of warmth and comfort filled her immediately, despite laying face down on the floor. For she was home and finally done with that damnable day that seemed to never end. With a heavy sigh she put one orange colored leg in front of the other and picked herself up and started a fire in the hearth. No matter how much trouble her neighbor caused her it couldn't come here, couldn't pierce the bastion of home and hearth. Relief washed over her with each flicker of the fire until she let out a deep resounding sigh of contentment. With her bones warmed and a fire lit her stomach seemed to wake from it's slumber with a deep rumble.
Thankfully the kitchen was well stocked and grabbing a small bundle of carrots, then stopping mid way back to the living room she turned and grabbed just a few more. With food in hoof the earth pony mare grumbled and plopped back down in front of the fire. Between the fresh carrots and the blazing hearth she felt the day's aches and pains wash away. Which took quite awhile as it was quite the day, re tilling some of the east field, picking up all those rotten apples, never mind those fruit bats that moved in! She did it again! Right as she felt relaxed she thought about the entire day all over again and now she felt tense and her knees were locked tight and the unfortunate ball of hate had wormed it's way back into her gut.
This wasn't going to work, even with her stomach full and her body warmed it wasn't enough, she couldn't shake the thoughts from the day. She gazed down at the dirt encrusted fur around her legs. A bath did seem like a good idea and maybe she would finally break out those bath bombs her sister had given her ages ago. She would probably go to bed soon so…. A long bath was definitely in order. A thin smile spread across her lips and she leaped up to the linen closet to grab a robe, bath bomb and of course. Her tiny yellow rubber ducky she has had since she was a little filly. She checked over her shoulders nervously half expecting to be mocked for her favorite ducky. Realizing how silly such a thought was, never mind just how far out in the country she was, she grabbed her collection of bathtub supplies and trotted over to the bathroom.
Her hoof wavered over the door knob. That was odd, she was sure she ran in here during the day when her hooves were dirty. But the door knob was sparkling clean. Odder still was the fact that it was a gold handle. Stealing a glance back at the pantry the other was bronze. With a laugh she imagined some pony breaking into her house in the middle of the day and stealing nothing only to replace a door knob and sneak out without her knowing. The ridiculousness of it all, this horrible day must have been getting to her sanity at this point.
Whatever the reason she would think about it long and hard when she had time to soak her hoovsies. Tossing aside any trepidation from the odd door knob she walked inside and moved to light the candle that she knew was about two feet to the left. However when she reached the designated spot her hoof grasped nothing but empty air. Hmm it was dark in here maybe it was further away than what she remembered. Taking a tentative step further to the left revealed nothing and not for the first time in her life she wished she was a unicorn. To have a portable lamp on your head would be quite convenient especially now.
Another step then another, she couldn't even hear her hoof falls against the hard linoleum floor of the bathroom. All of this would be far too strange had she been in her right mind however tiredness and frustration robbed her of all attempts at reasoning. Stumbling far past where the wall of the bathroom would have been and away from any lingering light of the fire in the living room she stopped. Her tired mind finally realizing the bizarreness of the situation. Putting a hoof out carefully she spun around in a circle. This was definitely not her bathroom. Images of her small bathroom in which you couldn't so much as hold a hoof out in any direction without hitting something came to her mind.
Fear and panic in equal measure took hold of her hooves and made her turn in place searching for the thin sliver of light from her living room. The small shaft of light was much further away than she thought possible but she brushed the thought to the back as she ran back over to the open door. Something grabbed her hoof and she quickly found herself tumbling through wooden legs of some kind followed close by the crash of furniture. She threw her hooves up in desperation covering her head from the onslaught of falling wood. Before she could even stand up she blinked as a dozen magical lights turned on all over the room. Her eyes strained against the soft orange glow of the sombre lights, slow to adjust to the sudden change.
Slowly she opened her eyes more and pushed herself up and out of the heap of chairs. Before her stood the most inviting room she had ever laid eyes upon. The ceilings were close, giving off an oddly cozy setting. Normally the mare would have preferred the wide open space and high ceilings that reminded her of home but this just… worked. Looking around she saw booths tucked into cozy nooks around the large oval room. Each one had a unique spirit to it and displayed a different set of pictures along the wall and colored upholstery decorated every seat and cushion in the strange room. She could see a cloudsdale booth accented with light blues and yellows giving off the feeling of a rising sun. To complete the look trophies of famous fliers lined the high backed booth with a stylized wing engraved in the table. She looked to the next booth before the sound of heavy hoofsteps against hardwood rocked her train of thought. Tensing slightly she looked around for the exit, once spotted she slowly creeped towards it, the comfortable carpet tickling and muffling her hooves.
She stopped suddenly and an odd thought occurred to, why make all this warm and inviting atmosphere if the maker was truly evil. Suddenly curiosity joined the other mix of strange emotions and she found herself at odds with herself, with a shrug she decided to merely stand there and await the coming pony before deciding to run. The sound of hooves drew her attention to the middle of the room where a large circular bar with more drinks than she could possibly name hung from the roof from stylized holders. Behind the bar she could see row after row of all manner of cups hidden beneath the bar opposite of her. Several small steps down from the booths the lights were slightly brighter though they were still a friendly glow of orange. There sat rows of barstools flipped upside down and resting on the counter. She looked up and over the bar to find the source of the now echoing hoof falls.
She peeked from the very top of her hooves to spy a horn than hair than an entire alicorn emerge with a puzzled expression from a hole in the center of the bar. She was beautiful and strange in equal measure. Her poofy hair brought images of cotton candy to her mind but the shades of purple that emerged disrupted that idea. What really drew her attention was her strange slightly curved horn. That looks painful. Why did i think that? The thought flew from her mind as she noticed that the alicorn was looking right at her with a huge smile.
“Well don't just stand there silly come on over and have a drink, it's on the house!” Her voice sounded like two ponies talking at the exact same time. But before she had a chance to ponder the alicorn’s otherworldly nature she felt herself walking forward and sitting down on a barstool that had been flipped over just for her.
“Uh hello” Her brain demanded she run but her voice seemed to think otherwise. “Cider, hard. On the rocks please.”
“Okie dokie loki” The alicorn grabbed a cup with her hoof and a keg with her magic. Floating down the keg from the apparently infinite ceiling of the bar she poured and somehow chilled tall glass. The smell assaulted her nose with the distinct fragrance of crisp summer apples with only a faint trace of alcohol.
All tension fled from her mind as the alicorn pushed the tall glass of cider across the counter with a pink and purple hoof. The aroma redoubled its assault on her senses starting with faint notes of cinnamon and something else she couldn't quite place. A thirst she wasn't aware of until this very moment came rocketing to the forefront of her mind. Downing half the drink in two deep gulps making her forget all about her bath, muddy hooves and aggravating day. The cider filled her senses with all the flavors she smelled and more. What she could smell before was actually a secondary flavor that only seemed to come to fruition at the end, leaving her mouth with the distinct taste of carrot. Normally she would balk at such a bizarre flavor combination however within this keg was something that she couldn't quite place. It somehow made the seemingly unmixable flavors intermingle perfectly without contrasting each other too much.
She placed her now half empty mug back on the counter despite part of her mind demanding she drink the entire thing right now. Determination to enjoy it won out in the end however and she let the glass sit. Leaning back in the chair slightly she ran her tongue along her mouth tasting the apple and carrot cider for all it's worth before swallowing every last drop.
“Soooo what did you think?” The mare’s eyes fluttered back open as the bartender’s bizarre twin voices broke her reverie. The two different colored eyes stared into her own just inches away.
“That was the most unique drink i've ever had”
“But was it good?”
“To die for!” With a smile she thought and i qoute screw it and tossed back the rest of the drink in one long chug.
With a sigh of relief she slammed the glass back down and extended her hoof. “Golden Harvest.”
The pink and purple alicorn shook her hoof vigorously. “We are well... just call us the bartender.” The strange alicorn tapped her chin and strained her mismatched eyes at Golden. Suddenly recognition flared within. “I remember you! You have a birthday coming up dontcha?”
“The bartender? That's it? And yes, uh in a week.” The smaller mare suddenly stood up on her hooves trying to eye the other pony’s cutie mark. However a hoof placed on her chest gently pushed her back in her seat.
“Yes that's all, most ponies don't like it when we kinda sorta foal nap them and give them booze so that's what we go by.”
“f-f-f-foalnap!?” Golden stood up suddenly sending her chair clattering to the floor.
“You can leave anytime just hold on a second would ya?” She found herself lifted in an undulating pink and purple aura and placed back on her chair before she even had a chance to run off. “You wouldn't be here if you didn't have a friendship problem so why don't you tell us, then you can go, or you can just leave but at least give us a chance to help.”
Golden was taken aback at her little problem being apparently public knowledge but chalked it up to crazy alicorn powers. “Well i suppose. But can i ask you a few questions?”
“Okey dokey!”
“Okay so one, why do you say we and us? There are just two of us here.”
“Being locked up super duper long mixed us up a little, but don't worry we are better now, just with some… quirks.”
Unsure if she could weasel a better answer out of eccentric host she left it alone. “Where is here?” Gesturing a hoof at the bar.
The strange alicorn frowned for just a second before it vanished. “She didn't warn us in time or else we would've sung you the welcome song. So i suppose this will have to do.” Her horn glowed briefly and confetti rained from the ceiling. “Welcome to the bolthole, the funnest place in nonexistia!”
“Nonexistia?”
Her host leaned on the counter separating them a puzzled look on her face, obviously struggling to come up with a good explanation. “It's kinda sorta like a space between places. We are all over equestria and nowhere really.” Noticing that her explanation wasn't helping she tried something else and extended her hooves above her head and brought them down to her shoulders, revealing a shimmering rainbow. “Magic.”
“Ahhhh, i get it.” She didn't get it. “How did you know i had a friendship problem?”
The other mare pointed a hoof to her wiggling ear. “We had a feeling. So why don't you tell us all about it and maybe we can help, however.” The alicorn took a tone of mock seriousness suddenly. “You gotta bring us a book and a smile if it all works out.” A multi colored hoof shot out in front of Golden. “Deal?”
A book is cheap and a smile cheaper, and if it worked she would save a lot of bits nevermind the headache. “Deal” She shook in earnest unaware as a strange magic intertwined their hooves briefly leaving them both with a faint tingling sensation.
“Yippee, we will fix you another drink than you tell us whenever you feel ready, Golden my friend.” The excited alicorn bounced around looking for the perfect drink.
Golden ignored the bizarre creature making another drink and thought back to how it all started, the words finding her lips surprisingly easily and quickly. “It was a month ago when her damn apples started falling on my property. It wasn't bad at first just a stray apple or two but then whole tree's worth would land on my property! Can you believe that? She must have bucked the tree and ignored all the ones that fell on my property. Of course nopony picked them up which meant by the time i found them they were rotten and had attracted fruit bats and other critters. After i finally got them all cleaned up what do you know two weeks later it happens again at a different part of my property that borders hers! I can't believe that family. Why in celestia’s name would they do that? I have always been nice to them. I wonder what in the hay has gotten into-”
“Hey hold on there little lady name calling doesn't help us figure this thing out.” She found another strange drink pushed in front of her just as a warm feeling seemed to radiate from her belly, signifying the alcohol was already acting fast.
A set of pink and purple eyes watched the smaller mare tentatively sniff the new drink only to gulp it down with more gusto than the first one. A smile creased their lips reveling in another job well done. Only after the now empty cup slammed back on the counter did they speak. “So what did you think?”
A warm feeling spread quickly throughout her body. She was never much of a drinker so the little alcohol was more than enough to make her cheeks brighten. “That was really good! What's in it?”
“Just Apples and carrots! Goes well together huh?” The alicorn replied with a smirk.
“I never thought i'd say this but ya they do.” Golden replied.
“So we gotta ask what did your neighbor say about all of this hullabaloo?”
Golden Harvest’s jaw tensed. “She said she didn't have anything to do with the bats or the apples. As if it would be anypony else!”
“So your saying she lied?”
“Well.” Images of the earth pony mare with an apple cutie mark came to her mind. She had seemed like she was being honest. “No. But that doesn't excuse it!”
The strange talking alicorn leaned in closer having sensed they were onto something. “When did you talk to her?”
“After i cleaned up all the rotten apples the first time.”
“So do you know that pony was sabotaging you?”
“Well.” Golden Harvest was smart enough to go where this was going and something told her that lying wouldn't get her anywhere. “No. But why would they do it the second time then, it obviously wasn't just some accident.”
“Obviously it wasn't just one accident, but maybe it was two! Did you ask after the second time?”
Golden Harvest placed a thoughtful hoof to her chin. I was too damn mad to see straight i guess talking to her slipped my mind. “No, but-”
“Butts are for sitting.” the alicorn interrupted. “So why not talk to her again and tell her what happened from your perspective. Without calling any blame.”
“I never thought about it like that i was just so furious after that second incident. But Applejack is the most honest pony i know. She probably didn't mean it, even if it was her..” Sitting down in her chair in a mixture of acceptance and a hint of guilt she hardly noticed the crazy haired alicorn practically bouncing on her hooves.
At the mention of Applejack all rational thought fled from their mind only to be replaced by a mixture of fear, regret, guilt, and longing among many others.
“Are you alright?” The alicorn looked down to see a puzzled face looking up at her with concern in her eyes.
“Oh yes just peachy actually. Say could you do a favor for me when you talk to Applejack?” The alicorn smiled widely but Golden could sense tension in it.
“Of course.” The earth pony replied without hesitation.
“Could you…” The alicorn scratched the back of her head absently. “Could you tell her I said hi?”
Golden cocked her head. “That's it?”
“Yes, that's it. Just tell her i said hello.” The bartender replied nervously.
“So i should say, hey by the way Applejack the bartender says hello?” Golden asked, looking inquisitively at the alicorn all the while.
The alicorn took a deep breath and sighed, her confidence quickly returning. “Yes.”
“Well alright. I guess i can do that for ya.” She got up from her stool and took a step away only to stop and look over her shoulder. “Any preference on book?”
“Nope! Just something new please!” Her exuberant tone was back in full force.
Golden nodded and took a walked to the door only to be stopped by the alicorn’s strange purple and pink magic forming a barrier. She spun around to see her pile of bathroom supplies levitated a foot away, accompanied by mister squeakers, who squeaked twice.
“Don't forget your pal!” Called out the alicorn, still behind the bar.
“Thanks.” Golden blushed and quickly scooped up her belongings and trotted over to the door, only stopping at the threshold.”
The door closed silently behind her leaving the alicorn alone once more. “No problem.” the alicorn whispered back to nopony.
