Author's Note
Sharknadoooooooooo!
Octavia picked at the food on her plate, her nerves getting the better of her.
That, and the fact that it was incredibly difficult to manipulate a fork with pectoral fins.
“Octy, what’s with ya today?” Vinyl Scratch said from across the table, “You haven’t been this contemplative since…” Vinyl tilted her head up in thought. Tapping her chin a few times, she smiled. “Oh yeah! Since an hour ago.”
Leaning into the table a bit, Vinyl pushed her glasses up and looked at Octavia with the full brunt of her cerise eyes. “But seriously, what’s got your tail in a bunch? You’re never this quiet.”
Snapping her jaws, Octavia sighed. “My family’s coming into town.” Octavia finally gave up with her fork, choosing instead to slam it into the table. A large crack came and went, and the table splintered from the force.
“What’s wrong with that?” Vinyl asked, “I know my family’s weird, how bad can yours get?”
Octavia looked at Vinyl as if she were crazy. “Vinyl, we’re sharks. You know, carnivores? What’s going to happen when they see all the fresh meat lying around?”
Vinyl gave that some thought. “You mean ponies like Spoiled Rich? I’ve got no problems with that.”
“Oi, you watch your tongue,” Octavia chided, “It’s hard enough as it is for me to live on land, and now you’re trying to give me ideas?”
“Hey, you turned out fine.” Vinyl waved a hoof. “You’re not trying to eat me right now, are you? Where would you have gotten the control to do that anyways?”
Octavia was about to retort before she realized Vinyl was right. “Okay, so maybe you’re right that my parents taught me it was rude to eat someshark-or-pony we had just met, or at all, but that’s nothing compared to what lengths they’ll go to to embarrass me.”
“Wait, what?”
“They’re a little over the top, you see,” Octavia mumbled, “Us British sharks tend to be overdramatic in our entrances.”
“They can’t be that bad,” Vinyl said.
“Don’t underestimate my parents or extended family. You should’ve seen the spectacle they had made for my sweet sixteen…” This time, it was Octavia who turned to look Vinyl in the eye. “Or have you already forgotten how I came to be your roommate?”
Vinyl shivered at the thought. “Oh, right. Well, that’s bad.”
“Very,” Octavia agreed, finally getting somewhere. “Very very bad.”
Octavia glanced mopingly down at the food set before her on the table. “Why can’t they make something designed specifically for shark fins to eat with?” Octavia whined.
“I could just levitate it into your mouth again, like I’ve been doing for the past two years,” Vinyl said, beginning to float some anchovies and shrimp off Octavia’s plate.
“No!” Octavia cried. “I’ll do it myself this time!” The magic glow faded.
“Suit yourself,” Vinyl shrugged. Staying at the table, Vinyl began to watch intently as to see what Octavia would do to eat her food. She was not disappointed.
“Blasted forks and their incomprehensibly slippery metal!” Octavia cried, “Just once can I gain a proper hold to stab a piece of meat!?”
Growling, Sharktavia threw her fork away. “Damn it all to hell, I’ll just have to be uncultured!” Kicking her chair back a few feet from the table, Octavia went head first into her plate. After a few chomps and the sound of smacking jaws, Octavia grinned… as much as a shark actually could.
“That was a lot less messier than I thought it would be,” Octavia said. Grabbing a napkin from the table, which was now a lot more damaged than it had been just a few moments before, she tried to wipe her mouth. Flapping the napkin up and down in her fin, it looked to an outsider as if she were waving for a taxi. “Uh, Vinyl, a little help would be appreciated.”
“So you don’t need help eating anymore, but you still need help getting taken care of?” Vinyl smirked, wiping Octavia’s jaws down. “No wonder your family likes to embarrass you.”
“Mind your manners or I’ll mind them for you!” Octavia glared at Vinyl menacingly.
“Or what?” What’ll you do? Bite me?” Vinyl asked, wiggling her brows.
A blush formed on Octavia’s cheeks, something she still didn’t get as to how it worked. “Oi, shut it! We’re having none of that right now!”
“Just because you’re not in the mood, hm?” Vinyl said, smiling with a dirt-eating grin. She moved closer to Octavia, sidling up beside her and bumping her with a flank. “I know you like it!”
“Ugh, you’re unbelievable!” Octavia cried, pushing Vinyl away. “One of these days, I’ll find a way to get you back that doesn’t involve you making such raunchy jokes!”
“Well, honey, I’ll be making them all day so you best get used to it!” Vinyl grinned, falling to the ground as if the shove was a lot harder than it was and posing. “Draw me like one of your french girls.”
“Get out,” Octavia said. “Get out of my house!”
“This is my house too, you know!” Vinyl argued. “And I didn’t think you’d be the type to play ‘Hard to Get’. This makes things ten times more fun!”
“I’m not playing anything you sick twisted obnoxious disgusting uncalled for little…” Octavia began to list all the things she thought was wrong with vinyl, which went on for a good five minutes. “...and you’re so beneath me that I seriously can’t believe I’m friends with you!”
Vinyl blinked. “I’ll, uh, take that as a compliment.” Moving to the main door of the house, she opened it. “I think I’ll just go for a walk and let you calm down a little bit-”
“Vinyl, move away from the door,” Octavia said, suddenly nervous. Vinyl didn’t catch her tone of voice, and turned around confused.
“Are you sure? Because you seem really triggered right now.”
“Vinyl, I said move!” Octavia shouted before she jumped from her seat on the table, pushing Vinyl out of the way.
“Woah there, tiger, I know you want me but don’t you think you’re moving a bit fast-”
“Now’s not the time for jokes like that, Vinyl, my minute electromagnetic sense are sensing a disturbance in the atmosphere, and it’s very dangerous right now for you to go outside!”
“Wait, what?” Vinyl inquired, “Since when did you have ‘electromagnetic senses’?!”
“Since I’m a shark!” Octavia shouted, getting up from off Vinyl. “Something’s very-” In that instance, a large piece of wood flew through the door, impaling itself into the wood just a few feet away from Vinyl and Octavia. The sign read Welcome to Ponyville!
“...wrong…” Octavia finished, moving to the doorway to see what was happening. “Oh no. Oh no no no no no no no, this is so much worse than I thought it would be. Oh dear god please no.”
“What?” Vinyl asked, trying to peek around Octavia’s giant sharkiness. “What is it, what?!”
Stepping aside, Vinyl could finally see what was happening in the distance. One giant tornado, heading straight for Ponyville. Worse than that was what seemed to be flying around in the tornado itself.
“This is a travesty,” Octavia whispered.
“Is that what I think it is?” Vinyl said, her jaw dropping a little in awe.
“Sharknado,” Octavia confirmed. “I’m going to kill my family.”
Rushing out of her house, she began to waddle for the life of her towards the tornado. Vinyl followed closely in pursuit, which wasn’t all too difficult because you could only go so fast on two caudal fins, and vertical ones at that.
“It’s going to destroy Ponyville if we don’t stop it!” Vinyl shouted over the rising winds.
“Worse!” Octavia cried, “It means my family’s here!”
“And that’s worse how?!” Vinyl questioned.
“Because it just is!” Octavia cried. Now at the edge of town where the sharknado was headed for, Octavia called out to the tornado. “Mom! Dad! Stop it! You’re embarrassing me! You’re going to destroy the whole town just because you wanted to do that?! Stop!!”
Obviously, they couldn’t hear because they were in a tornado.
Just then, three small blurs ran past them with weights tied to them and at least a ton’s worth of gear. They could only hear one thing that they said before they ran towards the sharknado. Still ear-piercing and sharp as it always was, Vinyl and Octavia winced. “CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS SHARKNADO WRANGLERS YAYYYYYYY!!!!”
“We shouldn’t be letting them do that, should we?” Vinyl asked.
“Probably not,” Octavia gulped.
Another six more blurs ran or flew past them, each shouting after the Crusaders and very ready to face a giant storm sharknado filled with her relatives. “Sweetie Belle! No!” Rarity shouted, lazily casting spells at the tornado as she focused on retrieving her younger sister.
“Girls, we need to politely ask the sharks to leave. They might have a good reason for bringing themselves here to us,” Fluttershy said.
“Alright, team, we’ve got this!” Rainbow shouted, flying straight at the sharknado.
“Wee! New sharkies to introduce myself to and have a welcome part for!” Pinkie cried before being the only one to greet Octavia and vinyl in passing. “Hi Vinyl, Hi Sharktavia!”
Both pony and shark waved back, before Octavia narrowed her eyes. “Hey! It’s Octavia!”
“Yeehaw! We got us some sharks to feed!” Applejack cried.
With that thought announced by Applejack, Vinyl formed a grin that told everything Octavia needed to know. Turning to the bow-tied shark, Vinyl began to say “Don’t you think-”
“Don’t you dare say it, Vinyl,” Octavia glared.
“-You’re family-”
“Don’t ya buckin’ dare!”
“-Jumped the shark a little here?” Vinyl smiled, tilting her glasses just right so you could see her irises.
Octavia attempted to face-fin the only way a shark can. Meaning she couldn't. And so, she ended up slamming her head into a nearby tree a couple times. “Vinyl Bucking Scratch! I could eat you right here and now!
“Except you won’t, because you love me too much!” Vinyl called, and Octavia groaned even more.
“Not much longer if you keep this up!” Octavia said.
“Look, we really need to find a way to stop the sharknado! Let’s say we gut some of my wubs and-”
“No wubs!” Octavia snapped. “We need something else!”
“Or we could just let the Elements handle it.” Vinyl pointed to the light show that was the Mane Six fighting a giant raging force of nature that carried banners that had a shark face resembling Octavia.
“That’s my family their fighting!” Octavia cried. “Stop! Stoooop!!! BUCKING BUCK FACE OF BUCKEROOS BUCKITY BUCK!”
“Uh, Octavia? I don’t think they can hear you-”
“Shut your mouth and amplify my voice!” Octavia screeched, and Vinyl took a flinching step back before shaking her head.
“Whatever,” Vinyl muttered before throwing a spell onto Octavia.
“Stop! Stooop fighting! Oh my god, just stop!”
“This is so much fun!” Lily Octa, Octavia’s little sister giggle, floating around in the updraft created by the tornado.
All around the extended shark family of Octavia Philharmonica, lasers and ropes were relentlessly bashing against their force of nature.
“Don’t get too excited, Lily,” Toothless, Octavia’s father, Mr. Big murmured. “We’re going to have to stop soon or else we’ll destroy Ponyville.
“But this is so much fun!” Lily Octa argued.
“Hahaha, funny ponies trying to break through a sharknado!” L’il Momma, Octavia’s mom laughed heartily. “Only a powerful explosion can dispel us!”
“This is just like that one time we threw a Sweet Sixteen for Octavia, and-”
“MOM, DAD, STOP EMBARRASSING ME!” Octavia’s voice could be heard, muffled by the din of the raging winds.
Frowning, which looked very odd on a Great White, Mr. Big paused. “Honey, did you hear something?”
“Whatever do you mean, darling?” L’il Momma grinned, chomping down on a rogue rat that had been caught in the terror of their sharknado.
“I mean our daughter telling us to shut up,” Mr. Big smiled.
“Well that just means we keep going!” Lily Octa squealed happily, and she jumped out of the sharknado.
“Looks like this is where we ditch our ride, everyshark!” Mr. Big announced. “Let’s go meet Octavia’s friends!”
And they all flew out of the tornado, killing anypony they landed on by accident.
Except for Sweetie Belle, who unfortunately had a chainsaw at the time, and, upon being swallowed, cut herself out of the body of Octavia’s father’s brother’s cousin’s nephew’s former roommate. Which went as well as it did with the family, meaning it didn’t matter at all.
Watch out kids.
Shark happens.
