Maybe its time for me to back up a little. I already explained my background but you’re probably still wondering where Mare Do Well fits into this equation. Well, before that, I was a mare that took up requests to hunt down little pricks that thought it was cool to go after poor defenseless mares. At that time, Jade Juniper already had a reputation of her own.

The stallion made his way into his apartment, carrying a bag of groceries with his magic. He closed the door and put the bag onto the counter and turned on the light. He quickly jumped as he saw someone was sitting on his couch.

“Hello Rusty,” the mare said. “That’s your name right? Boy, I sure hope your last name isn’t Tool because that would be plain embarrassing. Then again, I guess it explains why you probably haven’t gotten laid in months, am I right?”

“W-Who-?”

“Shut the fuck up, you don’t get to speak unless I tell you. You know why I’m here don’t you?”

The stallion suddenly went pale. “Wait, I didn’t do anything wrong with that mare, she gave me consent-”

“And how old was she Rusty?” The mare got up, causing the stallion to back up slightly. “Did you even ask her!?”

“N-No…”

“You’re quite the sick fuck, aren’t you?” Rusty wasn’t sure how, but the mare suddenly had a knife in her hoof. “I should do Equestria a favor and rid you the temptation to fuck anything for that matter.”

“W-Wait I’m sorry! It was stupid and I should’ve controlled myself better but I’ll stop I promise!”

“…You promise?”

“Yes! I’ll even go to a therapy class if I have to!”

The mare was silent for a moment. “Alright Rusty, you seem like you’re telling the truth. But if I hear one peep, and I mean one peep that you’re misbehaving, I’m going to pay you another visit and this time you’ll be missing a limb or two.”

“I-I understand.”

“Good. And Rusty, if you really need to get off, just watch some damn porn or something.”

“You’re getting soft Jade.”

“Suck my dick Bread Winner.” Jade was currently at a bar that simultaneously served as a hub of sorts for ponies like her. Of course, unlike her, most of them, stallions and mares alike, looked like they could rip your spine out of your body. “It’s about getting a message across and it’s hardly effective if the SOB is dead. Besides, it’s not like he’s well known to his peers.”

“Still, you didn’t cut off his dick?”

“Tempting, but I don’t want to be identified as one of those feminist cunts.”

“Yeah you’re definitely not one of those.”

“Well I’m glad to hear you say that.” She then raised her glass. “Cheers to not cutting off ponies’ dicks.”

So there’s my line of work. I’ll have you know I actually did cut somepony’s dick off once. It was…messy. That’s mostly why I don’t do it if I don’t need to. But I’m gonna stop talking about dicks now.

I still live in Maretropolis in a small apartment complex that looks like it hasn’t been updated since it first got built, but hey the pay’s decent and I even got my own roommate…even if she is a bit of an oddball. Moonlight Raven is her name but I just call her Raven for short. She’s cute and all but she’s…well…

Raven was sitting on the couch with her rear legs crossed and her front hooves pointed up. The cape and hood she was wearing hid her face slightly as she had her eyes closed in concentration. She was chanting slightly in a language that was unfamiliar to most other ponies.

The door to the apartment opened and Jade walked in and peered around the corner. “Oh sorry, did I interrupt you flicking the pearl?” It didn’t cause a retort but then again it never did, as much as Jade tried.

“It’s nice to see you too Jade,” Raven said dryly. Actually, she always sounded like that. She then opened her eyes. “Did you end up cutting somepony’s balls off tonight?”

“Nah, not this time…though I did give the pony a fair warning that it would happen if he fucks another underage filly. Wait, I thought you weren’t all for violence?”

“I’m not…but if it solves a problem…” The slight smile on Raven’s face was a bit unnerving, although it didn’t bother Jade much.

“Alright well…you go back to praying whatever demon god you worship.”

“He’s not a demon god!”

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention something. Don’t insult Raven’s faith, whatever that may be. Oh, and don’t touch her food. Especially don’t touch her food, although I personally don’t because I think she’s a vegan. The fact that she hasn’t tried to kill me yet pretty much says we get along just fine. Unfortunately, she’s not a fan of sex, something about how it’s just a weird side effect of hormones or something like that. I just think she’s straight.

Which brings me to another important point of this story. In a way, I was kind of a loner. Losing my dad was a big deal for me and once I moved on on my own, I always felt like something was missing, something that I needed to keep me satisfied because honestly hunting down and beating up people wasn’t quite doing it for me. Neither was masturbating.

But then something interesting happened, in a bar of all places.

Jade was currently nursing a rum on the rocks in a bar called “Wild Cherry” which she assumed was either named after the owner or part of a rather entertaining night of passion. Jade financially was in a comfortable position, although her mother had been bugging her for the past week, wanting to know more about this “job” she was doing. She didn’t know that her daughter was peering into others’ lives or, if necessary, threatening them.

Part of her wondered what her father would think. It wasn’t the career she had in mind, but it was her own version of justice without all the red tape and boundaries. For all these years, she hadn’t forgotten what happened and even to this day she’s been trying to collect any information, no matter how small.

Her results were nary and few, although this didn’t surprise her. What she did know was that the SOB that gutted her father was part of a larger organization that involved drug and sex trafficking. In other words, she was getting her hooves into something way past her league. Currently at least.

Jade had been doing research into ways she could improve her health and fitness. That was when she found out about the age of ninjas. A thing of the past now, ninjas were a force to be reckoned with. Not only were they quick, they were strong and they executed their moves quietly, like wind on the leaves. They also knew karate and could snap your shins off, or at least that’s what popular culture says about them. Jade had no teacher who could help her so she had to take matters into her own hooves, diving deeper into the culture, learning their ways, their behaviors, and their diets.

Jade was a pretty fit pony, not including the fact that she was indeed an earth pony, but she had to be stronger, quicker, and quieter. That was how she could go toe-to-toe with these kinds of scumbag ponies.

For now, she could afford to splurge at least a little bit. She allowed her eyes to gaze around the bar before the sound of a hoof slamming into wood caught her attention.

“Oh come on!” Jade followed the sound and saw there was a pegasus over by one of the arcade machines. By the sound of it, she had just lost whatever game she was playing.

She looked towards the pony but couldn’t help but look at her figure. Pegasi were well defined by nature but this particular pegasus had nice curves while maintaining a nice figure.

Whoa wait a minute, hold on. What, you weren’t expecting that? A mare can’t be attracted to another mare? Figures, you all have to assume we’re straight unless we tell you otherwise. Actually, technically, I could be considered bi but let’s be honest, females make up almost two thirds of the population so is it really a surprise if there are a lot of lesbians in our world? Wait, what was I doing again? Oh right, ogling the sexy pony.

Jade got up and went over to the arcade section next to where the pony was standing. “Tough game?” she asked.

“Ugh, it shouldn’t be for me, I’m usually good at these kind of games,” the pegasus growled. “I guess alcohol and motor reflexes don’t mix well after all.”

“You obviously missed your sweet spot then.”

“Huh?” The pegasus looked at her in confusion.

“You know how they say ‘a little alcohol to calm the nerves’? Sure it slows your reflexes down slightly but it helps you focus on what you’re playing.”

The pegasus stared at her for a few moments and then her face broke into a grin as she laughed. “That sounds so stupid.”

“Yeah well, you’re only saying that cause you haven’t tried it yet.”

“Ha! I’m a pegasus so I think I’m proving that myth wrong. I’m Blossomforth by the way but Blossom is fine.”

“Jade Juniper, but you can just call me Jade,” Jade responded. “Let me guess…you’re in the Academy?”

“If you’re talking the police academy you’re close, but wrong profession. I’m actually part of the Wonderbolt Reserve.”

“Okay, I’m impressed. I’m guessing its tough going?”

“Hmm… not really. I finished my Academy training not too long ago but I was recently made a Wonderbolt so tonight is my night to celebrate.”

Jade looked around. “Any of your teammates here?”

“Oh…no unfortunately. The few friends I have are either too busy or not the type to drink. Actually, I’m also here to de-stress I guess.”

“Let me guess…that one teammate you just hate?”

“Oh yeah…her name’s Lightning Dust and she just thinks she’s better than anypony. Hell, she probably thinks she could do circles around our CO. I’m surprised they even let her in.”

“Well…if you’re by yourself, you mind some company?”

Blossom smiled. “I’d appreciate that…but I should warn you I’m not one who gets drunk very often so I apologize in advance if anything goes crazy.”

“Oh I’ve seen my share of crazy…”

About two hours later, the two mares each had about ten shots in them and were giggling like school fillies. “…so the next morning my CO walks into our barracks, right up to Thunderlane’s bed and says, ‘I know you’re happy to see me Cadet but do you have a license to carry that thing?’”

“She’s that good-looking?” Jade asked.

“Well…yeah,” Blossom said, blushing all of a sudden. “She teases a lot but she’s very strict about following guidelines, much to the dismay of many of the male cadets.”

“Alright…there is one thing I need to know to get it off my mind: pegasi. Do they really have good stamina when it comes to sex?”

“Hmm…why do you ask?” Blossom smirked.

“Well look, earth ponies will argue their case saying it’s in the genes, while pegasi say the same thing and the unicorns…well…they obviously don’t but they use their magic to keep themselves going.”

“Ooh those are fighting words!” Blossom cooed. “Hmm…it’s quite the debate isn’t it?”

“There’s only one way to settle this.”

“Oh…?”

The door to Blossom’s apartment blew open as the two mares were practically connected at the mouth. Sure, maybe it was the alcohol talking but neither gave a shit at the moment as Blossom guided both of them to her bedroom. “We have to be quiet,” she whispered. “I got two other roommates here and they might be sleeping.”

“Well, I hate to break it to you but they say I’m good with my tongue so you’re probably going to be screaming like a baby alicorn by the time I’m done with you.”

“Ooh I do love when you talk dirty~”

Oh she screamed alright. I have to admit though I may have been wrong in my assumptions. Pegasi really can go a long time cause boy was she horny and I ended up being bottom bitch for awhile. Not that I minded of course.

About two hours later, both mares were panting hard as they laid next to each other. “Well…that was definitely one of the more exciting bouts of sex I’ve ever had,” Blossom giggled.

“Yeah…masturbating ain’t got nothing on this,” Jade said tiredly.

“Aw…you’ve gone that long without it?” Blossom kissed her neck.

“Well, I can’t really go up to a girl and ask, ‘You like pussy?’”

“Oh I wouldn’t have minded actually…”

“You say that afterwards.”

Suddenly, the door opened and two pairs of eyes peered inside. One was a cream colored earth pony and the other was a mint-colored unicorn. “You guys still fucking?”

“Uh…”

“It’s alright, those are my roommates,” Blossom said. “Jade, meet Lyra and Bon Bon. Sorry, were we making too much noise?”

“It’s nothing we’re not used to,” Bon Bon said. “I only ask cause…”

“She wants to join in,” Lyra smirked.

Jade just stared at the two ponies.

“Oh…I forgot to tell you these two are actually lovers,” Blossom smiled. “We also tend to…have a threesome from time to time. You think I’m crazy, you haven’t seen these two in action.”

“Wait…you want to do a four-way?”

“Blossom’s pretty good at wearing ponies out so don’t feel bad,” Bon Bon said. “If not now there’s always the morning.”

Jade just looked at the two of them and looked back at Blossom. Fuck it. “Oh what the hell…you can never have too much pussy.”

I learned something important that night. You may think you’re the only pony in the world who’s different, or so different that you fear others may cast you out, but then you realize you’re in the same boat as many others and those are the kind of people who you should be with. That and holy fuck Blossom wasn’t kidding these two mares are awesome! We’re making four-ways a daily thing now!

Author's Note

You can never have too much pussy.

Best quote ever.