It was a magical day in Ponyville. Starlight Glimmer, the former student of Princess Twilght Sparkle and basically now Kato Kaelin to her OJ Simpson, looked out the window and smiled. It was a perfect day, perfect not unlike the days when Flynt announces that he needs to go to the bathroom, instead of just leaving and doing so and leaving everyone in suspense until he gets back. It was the kind of day that one would sing a song about while walking down the street in colorful pinstripes and strawhats, while gaily-dressed ladies galavanted behind and in a gazebo in the distance, a ragtime band played a tuneful melody. Yes, it was that kind of day in Ponyville.
Starlight looked into the distance at a meadow. It was a meadow glade of verdant grasses and coniferous trees, natural spires streaking towards the azure ceiling of the sky, the great caelum above that was the domain of the High Princess herself, Princess Celestia, whose pastel hair reminded all of the brightest hues of the rising sun and who was, in a metaphorical sense, Mother of All Alicorns, given mentoring of virtually all the alicorns save that of Flurry Heart, who was generally too young to see any tutelage at the moment and would probably be overseen by her mother Princess Cadance instead of the great white mare.
Pondering the bright day without, Starlight gave grand investment into her thoughts of what plans would occur on this diurnal cycle. Would she spend time with her dearest friend, Trixie? Would she venture forth, likely with said unicorn in tow, to go see their mutual friend, Thorax, the newly-sobriqueted monarch of the redeemed changeling nation? Or would she sojourn into the lands beyond normalcy and standards to seek out Discord, the affable God of Chaos, and spend a day with him in bemusing-but-harmless revelry? Or perhaps with Twilight and her friends? Or maybe other plans? Was there adventure afoot? The very threads of each decision beckoned, each with their own clarion call of destiny and a path that Starlight could choose.
Or still, there were threats to the realm that could not be solved by Twilight and her stalwart band of heroines. Perhaps that was Starlight’s fate for the day, her doom, her wyrd? Perhaps the call of adventure would take her to the bugbear lands, to save the griffins from a horrid fate at the bizarre hybrid vespursines? There was also the possibility that she could venture to the dragon lands and test her might against a resurgent Tirek, partnering with Chrysalis and to aid Lady Ember in defeating their nefarious scheme. She could even pass through the mirror into a strange but familiar land much akin to HG Wells’ Stranger Principle and come to the aid of odd bipedal creatures who looked like funhouse mirror reflections of ponies she knew yet also like a toy company’s desperate attempt to counter their rival’s much more established line of dolls and end up becoming friends with another former student of Celestia’s, an alicorn (though she didn’t know it) whose existence was all but forgotten to Equestria, at least until the next time Netflix needed an exclusive animated special.
She had often been told about Twilight’s friend and counterpart, Sunset Shimmer, and of the life she led in that alternate dimension, where magic was an unknown quantity, science was a fact of life and yet the world so similarly mirrored this one that it was either due to the vagaries of quantum probability or a desperate attempt to make a spin-off extension to a beloved and rejuvenated toyline. Starlight had to admit, the whole idea of visiting this unique dimension intrigued her. Imagine, a place where dragons became dogs, hairless monkeys inherited the earth and the word “Brazilian” had multiple meanings, one of which was likely to make the more innocent-minded blush. It would be the experience of a lifetime, of several lifetimes, possibly, and she was sure that Twilight would let her go.
So there was the possibility: face the world and its fruits, chase the adventure that seemed to ever lurk over the horizon, or head through the world beyond the mirror? It was a quick canal of decisions, a veritable cornucopia of choices that seemed to be not unlike a furniture advertisement turned into a music video by a fan that was actually accepted by a record label, Lætitia Sadier, and Bradford Cox’ excellent side project, Atlas Sound. Seriously, you should give the song a listen sometime.
Seconds crept by as Starlight Glimmer pondered upon her decision. Birds flew. Bees buzzed. Alone in his private quarters, Prince Blueblood worked on his latest fanfic, while Octavia Melody pondered a lawsuit. Somewhere in the distance, the Flower Trio was panicking about something. The Cutie Mark Crusaders were up to something, because even though they found their cutie marks, fuck it, getting into trouble was what they did best. Martha was having an affair with John, while her husband Maxwell continued to put in long hours at the bank, unaware of his wife’s infidelity. Mike Moustakas hit the game-winning homer as the Kansas City Royals hand the Los Angeles Angels their fourth straight loss in a row. North Korea failed to launch a missile on its east coast, as rising tension on the peninsula continued.
Oh, and somewhere Rarity was bitching about how plaid, polka dots and stripes never went together.
Starlight Glimmer’s mighty mind encompassed all these thoughts and more. She was in a state of complete contemplation, a mental nirvana with the foo fighters and whatever new project Krist Novoselic was working on. She mused on these thoughts so hard, somewhere in a faraway realm, 4chan was wondering just what the hell they were reading and other people were wondering when they would get to see the rude-as-balls humanized pony once more.
Starlight Glimmer took one last look out the window, as to seal the deal on her decision.
“Fuck this shit, I’m going back to bed.”
And so she did.
Author's Note
Official Theme Music:
