What am I reading?

by Luv-mi

Rating: everyone
Tags: Spike, Comedy, Random, Twilight Sparkle, Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1613

After discovering an old book in the library's ruin, Twilight notices that all logic around her seems to fade into obscurity.

[Takes place directly after Tirek's defeat]

After Twilight has beaten Tirek with the help of her friends, she goes through the ruins of the library and finds an odd book. After she reads it, everything around her decides it wants to stop make sense.

Published 2017-04-23 23:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-04-23 23:30:01 UTC

The beginning of something weird

How could something that houses such great memories be turned to ash so easily?

Those were the exact though Twilight had shortly after they had defeated the large magic-sucking monster known as Tirek. She calmly walked through the rubble of her once proud library. She couldn't help but think back to all the memories she had in that tree-made-house. It seemed like just yesterday she had invited Apple jack and Rarity inside to protect them from the horrid weather, and got them to ignore their differences and enjoy eachother's company. There was also the time when she had first discovered the humorous effects of poison joke, and all of their friends had brought themselves in to show the effects the silly flower had on them. But now, all that was left to show those memories had now been turned to ash. It was all so heartbreaking, looking around at the burnt wood, charred books, the rainbow-pattern book sitting on a stand made completely of spoons, the blackened fabric of her bed, it was all- wait what?

"I don't remember ever..." Twilight began to state to herself, but stopping, knowing that there was far more wrong with this picture than her ownership of this sudden book. She approached the multicolored book, slowly placing her hoof on it. It was pristine, not a speck of dusk on it. She had so many questions, what is this book? Where did it come from? Why was it undamaged? Why was it held up by spoons? As she asks herself these questions, Spike jogs up beside her.

"Hey Twilight, how you feelin'?" He asks, then look up at the rainbow book, "Where'd that come from?" He asks. Twilight shrugs a bit, then picks up the book with her magic, which somehow caused the pile of spoons to fall to the ground. Twilight and Spike leaned towards the book, studying it. No title, no author, no sign that this book was even made. Twilight stood there staring at it for a while,

"...I'm going to try to read it." She proclaimed to Spike. She then slowly opened the book to a random page, but as soon as she did, the pile of spoons that had been toppled earlier hastily stood up with a hop. Twilight stared at the sudden movement from the silverware, until the the spoons finally spoke up,

"Viva la revolution!" One shouted in a high-pitched squeek, followed up by squeeks from it's spoon brethren. The small army of spoons then ran off into the distance, being alarmingly agile despite being silverware with no limbs.

Twilight and Spike stood in place, their eyebrows simultaneously raised in confusion. Twilight slowly turned her head towards Spike,

"...what was that?" Twilight asked rhetorically. Spike simply stood completely still, and was completely up straight, having a blank expression on his face. "Spike?" Twilight spoke up, concerned for the small dragon. It was then smoke came bellowing from Spike's feet, and slowly started to rise, causing Twilight to back up a bit. Flame suddenly erupted from Spike's heels, and he soon flew away in similar vain to a rocket, leaving a smoke trail behind him.

Twilight again was taken back from the random occurrence.

"W-what the... why did he.." She murmured, then began pacing, trying to think of an explanation, and random prices of burned wood and furniture started slowly floating up and stacking on top of eachother. "Okay Twilight, think, there has to be a reasonable explanation for all this, but what? Nothing here is making sense, why is me opening a book causing all these random event ls to-" she then stopped mid-sentence, realization striking her. Twilight then called out loudly, "Discord!!!"

Said draconequus of chaos then popped his head out of a nearby dirty teacup, then began flying around, his uneven body curling as he moves about the air,

"Why are you being so loud? Some ponies are trying to relax you know." Twilight then shoved the rainbow-pattern book in his face angrily,

"Look familiar?" She asked. Discord just stood there in confusion,

"...should it?" Twilight let out a sigh of annoyance.

"Well Discord, I found this completely undamaged book in my destroyed library, as it was being held up by multiple spoons. And when I opened the book, those spoons ran away declaring a revolution, and Spike flew away in a giant blaze. Sound pretty random and chaotic, don't you think?" She stated. After hearing her, Discord reeled backwards, seeming insulted by her words,

"Twilight, you can't be serious, I thought we were friends? You should no that I would never stack a book using filthy spoons ! I would if I was to use any silverware, I would probably place the book on pizza cutters! Only a fool would-"

"Discord!" Twilight shouted. Discord froze for a second, then began twiddling his fingers,

"Uhh... sorry. No, I do not know where that book came from, honestly." He stated sincerely. Twilight rubbed her head with her hoof.

"Well there has to be some reason this book is here, and why it's so weird. I mean, I can't even read it, all the words are just jibberish!" She yelled in frustration. Discord then swiped the book from her,

"Oh, I can translate that! I'm very fluent in jibberish." He flaunted. Discord then cleared his throat heavily, then started to couch, eventually coughing up a baby chick casually.

He cleared his throat one more time, and began reading, "Alright, let's see, 'I remember hearing about the lonely girl who ate nothing but cabbage, she ate so much cabbage the villagers were forced to call the gumshoe, who proceed to throw apples at her rapidly, turning her into a cockatrice.' Neat" He read. Twilight spoke up,

"and that translates tooo..." She egged on.

"Of course, *ahem*, 'Johnny has five apples, if he eats two, then proceeds to throw the remaining three directly at the sun, at a speed of 30 miles per hour, assuming there would be no resistance in space, as well as taking the earth's gravity into account, approximately how long would it take each individual apple to reach the sun, if each apple was thrown 3 seconds in between eachother?' Ooo, math, this is a tricky one! Well, let's see, the gravity of earth would give about enough resistance that-" Twilight then put her hoof on his head, forcing him to look at her,

"Discord, focus! What does that mean?" She asks.

"Oh, Twilight, you silly billy, you can't make sense of chaos! It's... chaos! Let me tell you Sparkle, if you want to stop this chaos, the only cure for it is more chaos! Fight fire with fire!" Twilight stood there, confused,

"...what." Suddenly, she was dragged and turned around, seated in front of a chalkboard suddenly placed in the rubble, which had a multitude of random objects seeming to be fighting one another. Discord then came in from the side, wearing a camouflage military outfit,

"Now listen here Soldier!" He shouted in an extremely deep and gritty voice, "We got a level 10 funny business emergency! If we have any hope of winning, we'll need to fight back!" Discord then flew away from the rubble, putting his hands up in fists, "Alright you mysterious chaotic genius you! Put up your dukes and face me like a draconequus!" His head then turned into a giant turnip.

Twilight still stood in her library, gazing at Discord as he fiddled with his turnip head. After staring for a while, she stood there for a while, thinking about how she understood absolutely nothing about this. After a few minutes of soul searching, she looked back at Discord, who now had a face on his turnip head, "I got it! If one wants to conquer the turnip, he must be the turnip!" He shouted triumphantly, and his whole body turned into a shrimp, but from the shrimp Discord lunged out hastily, covered in milk, flying over to Twilight, "I got it!" He confidently proclaimed.

"Do you?" Twilight questioned.

Discord then stood higher, smirking, "If we are going to beat the powers of this book, we must draw out the author!"

"How are we going to do that?" She asked.

"With..." Discord slowly reached behind him, and the lighting around them seem to turn more dramatic, "THIS!" He then pulled out a corn on the cob, followed by blue lightening behind him.

Twilight stood there, she was not amused, "Why would he go after a corn cob specifically?" Discord then slapped the cob, and the corn turned purple,

"Boom." Discord then stood like a gangster, making a gang sign in his free hand. After staring at Discord for a while, Twilight reverted her attention back to the book, scratching her chin with her hoof, then closed the book.

After waiting for a while, Twilight looked around, nothing seemed out of the ordinary anymore, and she shrugged. Discord stopped for a bit, then he hunched slightly, his arms drooping down beside him, "....that works too." Twilight then sat down, smiling and giving a relaxed sigh,

"Finally, it's over. I'll be to show this book to Celestia when I get the chance, I'm sure she will know what to do with it." She stated.

Discord then hung around in that spot for an almost awkward amount of time, before turning around and walking away, "See you later, I suppose." He said as he left. Twilight then looked back at the book as she waved him off. She gazed at the book in confusion and curiosity.

She then asked the question everybody had to herself, "What did I just read?"