How The Fuck Did We get Here?
In a great empty space without end stood nothing at all. In an instant, the empty space was filled with a giant arena and billions upon billions of ponies from all across the known universes.
At first, the ponies didn’t know what to think as they walked around this strange place with no knowledge of how they got there. All they knew was that they were there for a reason.
Suddenly a great voice spoke. “Ponies of all universes. Hear me and know me well. I have brought you here to fight in epic battles to the death.”
“And why should we agree to such term?” spoke a blue alicorn mare.
“Oh Princess Luna, you bore me. I brought you here, only I decide the way you leave.”
Luna didn’t listen as she tried to teleport away several times only to reappear each time like it never happened. “But… How?”
“This is because I am the great evil known as Fimfiction.”
“And what pray tell is Fimfiction?”
“Oh, oh, I know,” Pinkie Pie jumped up and down randomly. “Fimfiction is an alternate dimensional website where mostly human males and or females write fan stories about us. Ranging from incredibly nice to down right sickening.”
“How sickening?” Luna questioned as she continued to try and escape.
“I’ll show a small amount,” Fimfiction spoke.
Luna stopped moving and her eyes began to glow as several fanfictions filled her head. “Well, this isn’t so bad… wait what are they doing to me?! Oh, no, touch me there!! Oh, why is Pinkie Pie stuffing Rainbow Dash's remains in a cupcake?” Finally, she fell to the ground and began puking over and over, “So much white liquid and green faceless beings in suits.”
Celestia ran over to her sister and rubbed her mane until she calmed down. “It’s okay, there just visions.” Afterward, she stood up and looked outward to the nothingness. “What do you want with us?”
“That is very simple. In order to leave, you must die in an epic bloody battle. Once your life force has left this world in such a bloody way then you will be returned back to the home of your origin. Alive, well and with no memories of the events of before.”
Celestia was in shock from his words for a very long few moment. This was very hard to accept, but this needed to be understood. She looked at Luna and the great terror on her face before finally answering the voice, “Okay, we accept your terms. But only if you send at least one pony home before the battles start.”
“I’ll do one better. Cheese, Pinkie Pie.” He floated the two into the air. “You are known for completely destroying the fourth wall. So to make sure you prove no obstacle, I will remove you.” On that, they were gone.
Celestia still didn’t trust him. For all she knew he could have just killed both of them instantly and they wouldn’t know about it. But at least Pinkie Pie and Cheese would be free from committing the atrocities that this being wanted. However, the rest were still in store for a brutal end.
“Now the rules are simple, two opponents step into the arena and they beat each other until one is brutally dead. Plus magic will only be allowed if I say so. And as an added bonus, the winner of the fight shall receive prizes based on how brutal they fought. So who shall be first?” Fimfiction finished as the arena darken and giant letters descended from the sky. The letters spelling as clear as day, ‘Fimfiction’s Arena’.
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Ominous being known as Fimfiction looked over all with twisted sight seeing which one would be perfect for the first round. Meanwhile, ponies wandered about the arena searching for a place to sit and wait.
Twilight Sparkle approached Princess Celestia and asked how Princess Luna was doing. Celestia held tightly to her sister as she still shivered from the visions. “She will be fine, I hope. But we should be ready for who will fight who.”
“Yes,” Twilight looked with great concern as she sat a few feet from them.
Suddenly lights from nothing filled the arena. Anyponies in the center were teleported to the seats as the voice returned with boastfulness. “I have made my first choice. Derpy and Minty.”
Twilight looked in confusion at these words. “Who is this Minty?”
“I have no idea? But he said that there were ponies from multiple dimensions here. Maybe it’s a pony from there.”
Soon Derpy appeared in the arena. She was wearing her classic blue mail pony uniform. She looked around and waved at her daughter who was in the stand seating beside Doctor Whooves, who was trying to use his sonic to find a way out of this place.
In front of Derpy was a short Mint green colored pony covered in socks with an oversized head. She looked around waving at all, while ponies that seem to be from her dimension were hiding their heads in shame.
“Ponies of all dimension, I have chosen the two derpiest ponies in all of creation. One beloved by the fans of Fimfiction, Derpy Hooves. The other hated by all even her own dimension doesn’t want her, Minty.”
Twilight looked in confusion as she got up walked closer, ”Hated? How that mare be that hated?”
“Oh, darling do you know nothing of stupidity?”
“What are you talking about Rar--” Twilight stopped as she turned to see a rainbow mare of the same form as Minty. She looked way too familiar. “Who are you?”
“Oh, sorry darling the name is Rainbow Dash.”
“No, you are not.” Twilight backed away in confusion. I’m friends with Rainbow Dash and there's no way you are her.”
“Don’t be preposterous. I never met you before. And I am Rainbow Dash.” The mare looked like Rainbow Dash but sounded like Rarity, not just in the choice of words but even her voice was exactly the same but seemed slightly more childish.
“Enough!!” Fimfiction roared aloud. “There will be no side stories once the battle has begun. So get back to writing the fight.” He pointed angrily at the hairy man at the keyboard.
A giant bell appeared and rang to start the battle. Minty charged at Derpy and grabbed her by the arm. Derpy kicked her in the face several times. Annoyed Minty bit down onto Derpy’s arm, drawing blood in the process. Derpy then kneed Minty in the gut so hard that she pulled back and began to cough over and over. Derpy saw her chance and grasped both her hand together and swung over Minty’s head knocking her to the ground.
All the ponies with similar heads to Minty began to cheer in celebration at her falling. But much to their dismay Minty jumped back and hit Derpy with an uppercut, sending her into the sky and knocking several teeth out.
Derpy landed on the ground and began coughing up the teeth that had been knocked out. Minty walked over in victory and began stomping on Derpy's back over and over.
Minty continued to stomp, as one point even hearing a bone cracking. This was it, she would claim victory. Sure it didn’t mean leaving but at least there would be prizes. Oh, how she hoped for a new pair of socks.
Derpy could feel the pain of every single stomp as her bones shaked each time. She had to think of something soon or she would be dead. Yes, that meant freedom, but as she looked weakly at her daughter and Doctor Whooves, she knew she couldn't leave until they left with her.
Summoning all of her strength Derpy turned around just as the leg went up once more and grabbed it just as it went down. She twisted it with all her might and snapped Minty’s foot.
Minty fell backward in pain as she screamed. However, she quickly realized something else even more important than her leg. “My sock!” she screamed in tears as she held her naked foot.
Derpy looked in confusion to her reaction until she saw the sock in her hand. Instantly a plan formed in her mind. She grabbed out all the box of soap out in her mailbag and stuffed it into the sock. Tieing it nice and tight she went in swinging.
“Wait where did she get that from?” Twilight looked in confusion.
“Oh, darling be careful I still need that soap for me!” shouted Rarity beside Twilight. Twilight jumped half expecting the other Rainbow Dash but instead saw Rarity.
However the other Rainbow Dash shouted on the other side of her. “Oh, goody the match is almost over.”
Suddenly Rarity shouted again and Twilight turned toward her. However, The Other Rainbow Dash shouted right afterward. Twilight found herself becoming really dizzy looking back and forth between the two very same voices.
Meanwhile Derpy swung her improvised weapon like a hammer, knocking Minty to the ground. She then followed with several massive hits over and over. Beating across the face. Soon even knocking teeth out.
However, eventually the sock ripped and the bar of soap fell out. But Derpy just grabbed it and shoved it down Minty’s throat causing her to choke. Minty tried to grab at it but soon she choked to death.
“The battle had been decided. Derpy has won!”
On that Minty’s body disappeared, Leaving Derpy as the last one standing. Everypony cheered. Rarity and the other Rainbow Dash turned to give Twilight a big hug, however, she wasn’t going to have any of that as she used a switching spell. She disappeared and Spike appeared in her place.
Luckily Spike took the hug with great joy. Especially since both mares were exactly the same D cup size and his head fit just snug between them. Meanwhile, Luna looked up and toward the two mares and saw the shape of Spike's top green frill as it stuck out of the two mares’ breast. Watching the pointy frill rub back and forth between the breast, began to fill her with even more sickening memories until finally, she had to turn away and began pucking again.
Back in the arena Derpy looked confused as she stood there. The voice said there would be some sort of prize, but what?
“Derpy I must, that though this battle was not the epic brutal fest I thought the first round would be but since you did manage to somehow win against Gen 3 most impossible pony, I will grant you one wish.”
Derpy greatly smiled and quickly made an answer before an could protest. “Well, I would wish for it to rain muffins. But instead, I wish me and my family could go home.”
“Damn it I should have set rules for that!” Fimfiction shouted in anger. “Fine wish granted.”
“Wait you mean she could have--” However Twilight stopped as Derpy and her family disappeared.
******
