Discord's Penis Is Missing

by GivingSpider

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Porn, Comedy, Fluttershy, Discord, Sex, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 3615

Let's be honest: if the title alone doesn't earn a click from you then there is nothing I could possibly say here to get you curious enough to see what's going on in this story.

One of the downsides of being able to take your body apart at will is that you have the risk of misplacing parts.
Like a penis for example.

This also means that parts could be stolen after having had too much to drink and then possibly used for self-gratification activities by a very skilled and very cock hungry thief who apparently knows how to give great head.

Written as a gift for a dear friend, Fluttercord45.
Has the comedy tag because she would find it funny. Not everyone is gonna laugh at this and I accept that.

Published 2019-03-21 22:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-03-21 22:30:01 UTC

Chapter 1

A pale blue dwarf star hung in the abyss and a nameless netherworld circled it like any normal world moved around the closest sun. This detail was one of the most normal aspects of Discord's realm; but its simplicity made it one of the most chaotic aspects he had to offer. Something normal among the most of the time off, and sometimes downright bizarre; made one suspicious of any amount of assumed innocence. Discord looked directly at the distant star and grinned to himself. Celestia would panic if she learned that he too could control a sun.

The Draconequus stretched and yawned as his eye rolled off the nightstand to join the rest of his body parts strewn about under the bed. His head was pounding like the heart of an Earth Pony Union Boss watching a team of Unicorns getting hired during strike negotiations. He could recall that the night before had involved a fair amount of cider and a large amount of something called Applejack Daniels. Whatever it was had sort of tasted like cider if by cider you meant to say it sort of tasted like whiskey that was stored in barrels that once held apples. Aside from the new brew from the industrious yet down to earth farm; Discord could only vividly picture television static when he tried to recall the night before. His parts joined back together and he slithered out from under the bed. The ancient beast had managed to get home, so how bad could it have been?

Mismatched eyes surveyed the room and he discovered that he was alone. His focus managed to grab his energy. Although his magic felt like it too was somehow hungover; he was confident that it was accurate when he concluded that he was the only living creature in the house. Discord crossed out the possibility of drunken debauchery. The occasional romp in the hay with Fluttershy after a shot of liquid courage always tended to result in waking up coiled around her like a feral beast guarding his mate.

Discord took another glance and reminded himself that he was alone. Fluttershy must have left earlier in the morning. Their time spent in close proximity not only gradually taught her to stand up for herself more but it also mutated the inherent mastery over clouds that all Pegasus were born with. The instinctual ability to physically move a suspended mass made of various amounts of water and ice particles has been replaced by a small degree of being sensitive to Chaos Magic. Discord grinned to himself as he fondly remembered the first incident where the purely neutral element surfaced in her. It had altered a spell Twilight used and took it in a curious direction.

There were still incidents involving a Bat Pony even to this day. It was as if Fluttershy’s intentions of getting rid of it slowly turned into a scheme to control it.

And Discord approved.

He slithered through the blurred haze of his home while doing his best to power through the headache. What he needed was a shower and then a short trip to retrace exactly what he may have said or did the night before. It wasn’t that he thought he did anything serious; it was a matter of principle. If Discord had gotten into some mischief, then he was entitled to know what it was he did so he could have a laugh over it. It was always something odd even by his standards, and it didn’t take much alcohol to get him going. For example, he was more prone to get into activities that his wife’s friends had more interest when it came to joining him. Sometimes one of them had been the first to suggest whatever stunt he had found himself in. One time he had something called a Bare-Knuckle Boxer and then Pinkie had challenged him to a Bake-Off, and he agreed to use no magic. There was also Luna’s last Birthday Party where the matron of the night personally mixed him a cocktail and then got him to give Celestia a swat on the bottom.

If not for his immortality and ability to recover, he would wonder if they were trying to kill him. If not for their genuine hearts, he would wonder if they just wanted him to drink so he could be their stunt clown. If not for his body’s tolerance of alcohol to being a toggle switch; he would probably never actually touch the stuff. Getting tipsy was never an accident for him. He’d gauge the mood of the scene and if it smelled like an opportunity to get into trouble, then he’d permit his senses to dull. Discord chuckled to himself. He never imagined he’d trust anypony enough to give them possible agency of him in an inebriated state.

There were also some hazy memories of debauchery. There was that threesome he had with Fluttershy and Tree Hugger that turned into him watching them pleasure each other. Discovering Fluttershy’s buried attraction to the fairer sex was almost as fun as helping her come to terms with it.

The hangover brought him back to his distorted reality. He needed a cold shower and slithering to the bathroom just wasn’t getting him there quickly enough. His claw flexed and he teleported himself through the house and to the tub. A loud crash and a look around told him that his aim was off. Discord managed to put himself in the dining room and that he was sharing the floor with a destroyed table. A grumble escaped his mouth as he focused for a simpler spell.

First there was the cold dampness in the air. Then there was a sudden breeze. After that there was only a heavy downpour. Four seconds of tropical storm and Discord felt significantly better. His jostled mind channeled more magic and his head cleared right up. The hangover was gone and his vision was back. He frowned slightly as it dawned on him that he could have just used magic to erase the headache and vision problems and saved himself the chore of replacing the table and draining the room. The Draconequus stood up and then abruptly dropped to all fours. Discord violently shook himself dry and stopped as suddenly as he started. His eyes switches sides and the startling sight did not change. His claw swiped at what had to be an illusion and his reward was a confirmation.

His penis was gone.

Discord stared looking at his groin and the organ-less area stared back. It taunted him. It taunted him again. He groaned and snarled at the sight. It wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t have an erection.

Discord blinked as the detail echoed in his head. The Draconequus dick was MIA but he was still very aware of its current situation. Clearly it had to mean that it wasn’t too far away. Finding it would be easy. Maybe it was under the bed with the rest of him and for some reason it didn’t re-attach itself when he told all his parts to come together. A perfectly reasonable assumption. Maybe he accidently trained it to secure itself by being screwed back on. He typically gripped the shaft and turned clockwise when he wanted to remove it for creative bedroom fun with his mate. Discord slithered through the foot of water in the dining room, up the stairs, stopped to shake off again, and then made it back to the bedroom. Under the bed he went and a more panicked noise came out.

No penis.

Discord got out from under his bed and stood up, lost in thought. His memory was still a blur except for what manner of irresponsibility brew he got into. There weren’t a lot of places he could have dropped it. Even if he dropped it, his Pegasus chaperone and often times his manager would have retrieved it. There weren’t a lot of scenarios in which he could imagine it accidently falling off.

Discord’s eyes widened enough for them to fall out of his head. His cock was stolen.

Discord grunted as something more startling than the realization of having been robbed of his grand serpentine scepter. A warm breath has reached the head of it. Discord gulped as he felt the unmistakable caress of a tongue along his glans. Whoever had his pony bologna was itching for a meal. He scooped back up his eyes and felt his organ twitch as the mystery mouth gave it a kiss. A few curse words escaped him as it dawned at him that he was basically about to get blown and none of the visual components were around. There wouldn’t be the sight of luscious lips dragging along the shaft. There wouldn’t be the displayed pony bottom swaying. There wouldn’t be a muzzle sliding up and down his member. He wouldn’t get the sight of his seed painting a muzzle or the equally pleasing view of cheeks swelling with cum.

Discord paused as it occurred to him at a combination of all those things was gonna happen; just not where he could see any of it. He was basically trapped at a metaphorical glory hole.

The Draconequus reached with his power and was distracted by the all too familiar sensation of lips suckling on the head. A pleasured growl came out as the mystery mouth took him in. Another grab at his power resulted in a success and he tried to pinpoint the location of the felonious fellator. What he got was nothing. Nothing except somepony slowly bobbing up and down his pilfered penis, taking in half his length with each stride. A deliciously wet and velvet mouth stroked him with what felt like trained diligence. His paw absently reached for a mane and got just air. His eyes darted around the bedroom as he looked for clues. All he got was that subtle clenching that he felt whenever the one servicing him playfully gagged as if to say they took in too much at once before they were ready. Discord moaned from the action. Somepony literally pretended to choose his cock before air.

Discord gasped as a very strange sensation shop up his spine. It almost felt like his essence was also being sucked on. Whoever it was; it wasn’t a fevered desire that motivated them: it was a need. A small part of his magic was leeched out. Another small sample came out along with a heavy dollop of precum. Discord paused as abruptly his cock was released and then groaned as the head was almost aggressively licked at. The tongue was literally lapping at his offering, and yet it seemed like it was not for his seed. It was as if the guilty party knew that they had just opened a small valve for his energy to come out and it just happened to get mixed with his fluids.

The sucking continued as his eyes drifted. The task at his hand was slowly becoming harder to focus on while the mystery pony was focusing more on the task at hoof. Gradually more and more of him was swallowed by a hungry mouth. A velvet tongue swirled around him and lips constricted a bit tighter. There was no doubt in his mind that whoever had his cock wanted his cum. Discord paused and looked down again and realized he was also missing his crown jewels. Before he could berate himself for not noticing sooner, the unmistakable feeling of his head scraping against the back of a throat shot right up his cock and also his spine. He fell backwards onto the bed and his claws dug into the sheets.

There was a moment of reprieve that also felt like teasing. Whoever had deepthroated him was now resting as if adjusting to his girth; but he wasn’t buying the ruse. His penis was in the hooves of someone who knew how to take care of a man. Clearly Fluttershy was getting some vengeance for a misdeed. Or maybe she was rewarding him.

A loud groan came out as he felt lips moving again. The short break was over and now his dick was being milked. He could feel pressure build up. Discord knew that he wasn’t going to last much longer. He looked around again for any sort of clue as to how and why. His eyes met his reflection in the window, standing cross armed and staring at him.

“Allow me to present the following query” his two-dimensional twin said calmly. “You’re getting the best blowjob you’ve ever had. What exactly is the problem?”

Discord could only moan and writhe. His illusionary twin had a point. It was the best blowjob he ever felt; but that presented a new problem. Either Fluttershy had drastically improved since last Tuesday or it wasn’t his naughty Pegasus who had his cum canon. Discord had a new problem aside from the fact that his brain was running out of terms to use in place of his dick. A feral growl came out as somepony started massaging his balls. Another issue came up as pent up seed threatened to come out. If it wasn’t Fluttershy sucking his cock then how did the pony know what the best way to get him to hurry up and go was? Why was his greatest weakness being used against him this late in the game instead of tried out of curiosity at the start? A carnal roar came out as he felt the rush. He could feel everything as vividly as he could in the beginning. Eyes widened as the pony on the other side suddenly pulled back until just the head remained inside. He could feel a tongue teasing the tip as he let out several spurts. He could feel the mouth flex and contract as every drop was being swallowed.

Yep. Whoever had his dick knew how to work one. The mystery thief was an experienced cocksucker; and in both interpretations of the term. The experience had left him momentarily physically and also somehow emotionally drained. He felt a tad empty. It was if whoever had done it had only wanted the end result. All the ambition of the mystery pony was gone. There was that one final suck and then nothing.

Discord lay on his back as he tried to catch his breath. Very slowly was the pace used to free his dick from the hungry muzzle. He felt something else as well. As he felt the pop of a seal breaking, the feeling of his cock slipping out of a tightly sucking mouth; he felt a single spark of magic. It was comparable to when one was knitting something and a stitch got dropped. His claw flexed and he grabbed the spark. A grin stretched over his face, replacing the satiated smile that he used to be wearing. He knew where to go.

He was getting his cock back and by Faust was he going to have fun with the thief.

A simple teleportation spell took him to the source of the spark. Discord quickly paced his brain looking for the perfect opening joke. Perhaps he would offer some mouthwash. Maybe he would ask if it was as good for him as it was for them.

Or maybe he would just deliver a sound spanking. That was fine as well. Just take the offender over his lap and paddle their plot silly. If it turned out to be Fluttershy, he’d also give her a good rutting. Discord grinned to himself as he planned it out. Just bend her over the arm of a couch, take a manebrush to her supple flanks, then take her from behind like a wild animal.

The spell concluded its task and Discord found himself in a room he recognized. He had been to Twilight’s castle enough times to know the layout. The structure had its fair share of secrets and hidden rooms but most of them were known to him. At a simple table he immediately spotted Fluttershy as well as a very pleased look on her face. Seeing her made the theft easier to swallow; possibly easier to swallow than his sperm was for the seasoned guilty one. Perhaps Fluttershy was an accomplice. Maybe she took it and delegated the actual job to somepony else. The Draconequus glanced around the table and caught sight of Twilight also at the table. The youngest Alicorn was putting in more effort in keeping a straight face as Discord joined them at the table. He glanced at Fluttershy, whom as if on que; burst out laughing.

“I think we can skip the theatrics then” Discord said with a grin as he set aside half of his mind to fine tune the details of his retribution. “So; who has my penis and when can I expect it back?”

Twilight smirked to herself and produced a small box. Discord’s claw shot off his arm and scooped it up. His talons detached and shredded the parcel to ribbons, revealing that yes, his most personal parts were inside. The no longer erect piece of meat scooted across the table and found its way to his groin. His coinpurse hopped along behind it and took its proper place as well. Discord’s hand came back together and set itself onto the stump at the end of his arm. His tooth almost vibrated as he prepared to make the joke his.

“Well, Twilight” he said coyly as he locked his eyes on hers. “I never thought you had it in you.”

“It’s your fault for dropping it in the first place” Twilight shrugged as Fluttershy fell victim to another bout of jubilation. “I hope you learned something from all this.”

“Oh, I did” Discord uttered with a sultry growl. “I’ve always been told that it’s the quiet ones who are the kinkiest. Seems that you’re not the exception after all.”

Discord hesitated when Twilight didn’t budge or even react. Something was off. He elected to keep going.

“But I digress. I see that my wife gave her blessings for the event. Do you plan on sharing your technique? Not that I think hers aren’t wonderful; but I believe that everypony should try new things every now and then.”

Fluttershy’s fit of laughter suddenly got louder. Her limbs were now flailing about, hooves pounded on the tiles, and tears were forming. It was as if some unseen force was tickling her to excess. Discord smelled a conspiracy. Or perhaps she had simply been holding it in the entire time, waiting for him so he could be part of some punchline. The Chaotic Beast shrugged.

“It was the hardest thing I ever had to do” Twilight said plainly before taking a sip of tea. “I’ve never done that much work with my tongue before. This sort of thing isn’t for everypony. I almost had to ask Princess Celestia for help.”

Discord froze. Fluttershy managed to compose herself and take back her place at the table. Discord looked at her and opened his mouth to speak and then closed it to think. He wasn’t expecting Twilight to try to play his game; especially after admitting to having a rather impressive set of oral skills. Discord chuckled with effort and tried to take the helm back.

“I suppose I can see that” the Draconequus said with a low growl. “But we can discuss that another day.”

Discord snapped his claw and summoned a wooden paddle of the finest craftsmanship. A grand throne formed under him, lifting him well above the table. He sat proudly, ready to administer judgement.

“While I did enjoy it” Discord said with a grin as he hefted the paddle. “I can’t just overlook the fact that I wasn’t asked first. Ask Fluttershy and she can tell you that I’ve gotten into the habit of swatting her rear when she’s got a mouth full of me. I may as well give you the full experience of what it means to blow me.”

Fluttershy found herself rolling on the floor, laughing somehow harder. Discord wondered if she was on the verge of summoning Pinkie accidently. Part of him wondered if she was about to do it intentionally. Twilight calmly sipped another helping of tea and calmly spoke up.

“You didn’t let me finish, Discord” she said while keeping eye contact. A grin stretched over her muzzle and Discord could taste shadowed intentions. “The task that I had trouble with was getting it back from Thorax when he was done.”

Discord’s jaw dropped. Fluttershy was almost choking. Twilight maintained her composure, but only barely.

“You’re bluffing” Discord said without an ounce of true confidence.

“Tell me, Discord” Twilight said as her face started to crack. “Did you feel like something else was being sucked on? Like say…your heart?”

Discord blinked and flexed his paw. Everything went into shades of grey and the room got quiet. Time stood still as he thought.

On one claw, he put himself into a corner and the only way out was to give the Changeling Ruler a sore backside. On the paw, he still had to get back at the mastermind Alicorn.

He also had to do it in a way that effectively hid the fact that they got him really good.

Discord dropped the spell and shrugged. Accepting the defeat would put her off guard enough for some real retribution. The best course of action was to let them laugh and partake.

“Well, guess it’s a good thing you didn’t steal my bottom; or then we probably wouldn’t have gotten it back.”