Sunset Shimmer Doesn't Read the Terms of Service
It all started when I was walking home from school and my phone buzzed. Twilight texted me a link to her new programming project. Ever since Button Mash persuaded Principal Luna that “coding is the new literacy”, we’ve all had to take this class. I realise that humans love technology and all, but… computers just aren’t magic.
Admittedly, the class is easy. Like, super easy. Even Rainbow Dash has high marks – mind you, Rainbow isn’t even doing well in her gym class (“dress cuts”). Most of us instead work on other homework (or in Rainbow’s case, video games).
Well, almost all of us. Twilight decided to take matters into her own hands and work on independent study projects. The professor loves her. I don’t blame them. She is really ~~cute~~ good with computers. Anyways, this week her project was a MyStable clone.
For the past few weeks, she’s been sending me her projects, so I can help her fix bugs – not that there are any the perfectionist misses. This week, she sent me “TwiStable”. I made an account, added a selfie of the two of us to my profile, and wrote a few messages. Everything worked really well; then again, that was no surprise given her track record. I replied a few minutes later.
TS: Thoughts on twistable.chs.edu?
SS: looks awesome! there was a warning about some “syntax error on line 47” when I registered. other than that, it’s amazing.
TS: Thanks. I’ll look into it 
SS: alright, if you need a second pair of eyes, i’ll be home in a few minutes :-)
I was online a few minutes later and downloaded the latest copy of her site, just in case. My programming skills are nowhere as good as Twi’s, but I’m sure I could help somehow.
TS: So, I found something weird. Any idea what happened with commit f15beb7?
I checked the website source, and the author of that commit was none other than a Ms. Dash.
SS: lol, since when have you been working with rainbow?
TS: Um, I haven’t been. I mean, everybody in class has access to the code, of course, but she could’ve asked before touching my work!
SS: hehe, i dunno what to tell you. anything i can do to help?
TS: Well, her house is close to you, right? If you’d like to go over there and set things straight, I’d appreciate it.
SS: sure thang :-)
I accepted gratefully, since I do need walk off all the weight I can. I mean, uh, I need to exercise regularly for my health.
I rung Rainbow Dash’s doorbell. To my surprise, I was instead greeted by a bubbly pink girl who didn’t seem to notice this wasn’t her house.
“Oh, hi Sunset! I was just baking cookies at Dashie’s place, and I’m so glad you’re here because Rainbow says that she can only eat a few because she needs to stay fit for sports, and I have so many cookies, and if you hadn’t shown up I’d need to eat ALL of them, and do you know how many cookies that is? That’s like a lot of cookies!”
She gasped after her one-breath schpiel. Her belly was notably bigger than usual – or was she always this pudgy? Somehow I’m not sure if that was from the necessary diaphragm gymnastics or all the cookies. Her diet certainly didn’t help; the moment she was done, she munched on another sweet, bouncing her way back into the kitchen with me.
Rainbow Dash started snickering when she saw me. Apparently she foresaw why I was coming. Maybe she was about to tell me what, precisely, was so funny, but she was interrupted by Pinkie Pie, lit up by one of her amazing-ideas-she-definitely-won’t-regret-later. “Good idea, Dashie, I’ll make snickerdoodles!”
I know that since the Friendship Games, I’m supposed to be the mature one in the group, but I didn’t have the heart to remind Pinkie Pie how many sweets she’s had today. It probably didn’t help that snickerdoodles did sound good. I cleared my throat and focused on the task at hand:
“So, Rainbow Dash, you wouldn’t happen to know anything about some, ahem, changes to Twilight’s CS project? I’m really concerned about it, since I know how she gets when her work has problems, and I have to wonder, just why would anybody tamper with something like that. I mean, I suppose you don’t really know anything about mysterious modifications made under your school account… would you?”
Maybe I let my emotions get the better of me. Just a little. Apparently, yes, Rainbow Dash did know something about the mystery, since her earlier snickers changed to full-on belly laughs.
“Don’ ma’e fu’ ob my beby!” Pinkie retorted from the other room. After an exaggerated, comedic swallow, she giggled, “jaja, torta!”
Normally, I would’ve been amused by Pinkie’s antics, although at the moment I was more concerned about a certain athlete withholding information. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought was here Pinkie Pie as a ruse. Actually, I still think that, but the two of them never confessed to that quite yet.
I glared at Rainbow Dash until she calmed down.
“Okay, okay, so… yeah, I added a couple of pages of legalese in as a joke. But I didn’t add any of the bad stuff; that was mostly Pinkie Pie, I swear. Blame her, alright?”
She continued giggling.
I didn’t join her – this was new information to me. Legalese? Bad stuff? Twilight never mentioned any bad stuff! I hadn’t read what the actual changes were, but I thought I was just chasing down a bug Rainbow introduced. Masking my curiosity from the ever smug prankster, I opened the website repository on my phone and scrolled to the change in question. Sure enough, Rainbow added a syntax error to the registration page, incorrectly adding a checkbox, “I have read and accepted the Terms of Service”. Additionally, her commit added a Terms of Service, too. She wasn’t lying; there was nothing bad in it per se. It was largely just plagiarised from the real MyStable policy. I made a mental note to have Miss Cherilee lecture Rainbow on copying without attribution (again).
That wasn’t all. True to her word, Rainbow only added the document; Pinkie edited it later to add the “bad stuff”. Although, wait, what bad stuff was even added?
On cue, Pinkie walked in, threw me a biscuit, and seized my phone. Now, if she thought that would be all it would take to keep me from asking questions— mmm, tasty… ack! Once I was sufficiently decapacitated, Pinkie began:
“Yeah, all the legal mumbo jumbo was so no-fun and Twilight’s no-fun-coded fun-site for fun couldn’t have no-fun to spoil the fun so I had fun adding fun to the no-fun fun!”
She thumbed the file history, and a moment later handed me back my phone, enumerating her changes. For instance, she added clauses to the Privacy Policy explaining that addresses may be used for “sending pegasi to in the mail when you’re sad”. She then noted that the site uses “all sorts of tasty flavours of cookies”. She clarified that Twilight could not be held accountable for “acts of God involving glitter bombs or Pie Sprinkle Blasts (PSBs) crashing the server”. As I read on, the additions became somehow more absurd. I won’t pretend I wasn’t a bit amused. On the other hand, Pinkie was quite literally rolling on the floor laughing, recalling her favourite lines (“vegetarian spam”).
Eventually I reached the bottom, and Pinkie managed to squeak out a coherent sentence in between giggle fits:
“Go – hehehe – back home – haha – and it’ll – heheheh – make – hah – sense! – hehehehe”
Oh, Pinkie Pie. Taking a sugar cookie with me on the way back, I took my phone and walked back home.
When I arrived home, Twilight was waiting for me at the door, in the formal dress she wore to the Everfree Gala, with a suspiciously seductive smile.
“Well, Cadenza?” She bat her eyelashes at me as she sung her schoolyard song.
I raised an eyebrow at her. First of all, why the hay is Twilight at my door? Second, why is she being so weird? Oh, and while I’m on the subject, I’m ninety-three percent certain my name isn’t Cadenza.
At my hesitation, her knowing smile melted into one of irritation. “I gave those two one task,” she mumbled under her breath, before addressing me again. “Since I’m guessing Pinkie was too off-topic to tell you, mind checking section six, paragraph two, clause three of the terms of service?”
Apparently it was an elaborate practical joke, after all. I futzed with my phone for a moment and read the passage in question. Twilight watched me as all colour drained from my face, processing the implications. I was in awe.
“Absolutely, Cadenza.”
…
Section 6: Rights and Responsibilities of the User
All User-Generated Content submitted to the Service remains the sole property of the User. The User grants TwiStable an irrevocable, perpetual license to display and index verbatim Content for the sole purpose of site operation.
TwiStable will not liable for any damages resulting from the misuse of the Service. When the User is referred to as “Cadenza” by the Operator of the Service, the User is required to Go Out with the Operator.
By continuing to use the Service, the User certifies that the User will not attempt to reverse-engineer this license agreement, except where expressly permitted by law.
…
