A pair of lavender eyes opened slowly to darkness. Like every night for the past three weeks, she'd awoken from a dreamless sleep. Early.
She was still angry at herself - not that she knew why. Maybe it was because she was still blaming herself. Maybe it was because she didn't allow herself any emotion during the wake. Maybe it was because she hadn't spoken to nearly anypony since it happened.
She blinked, shadows overtaking shadows and forming a lightless pool of black in front of her. It was early, she was tired, and she was analyzing herself. Again. Stupid brain. Just shut up.
The moonlight streaming through the window revealed the way she'd been living recently - books, mostly coping and self-help, were thrown carelessly, spines broken and pages bent, in the corners of the room. Beyond that, the dim bluish glow cast a light on everything from the pace-worn, tattered astrology carpet to the dust floating about in the air.
She sighed, wincing as she heard her voice crack. She could feel the tears already pooling behind her eyes. But she shook her head, levitating her pillow over to herself and pressing it against her face. She swore to herself to follow the will. She swore to herself. It'd been long enough since the accident. Three weeks. That was long enough to stop the tears, at least.
A sudden, frightening warmth ran through Twilight's body. Softer than a hot flash, but it had an edge of ice. Twilight's heart skipped two beats.
Where did the darkness go?
Her breathing became shallow. The room was filled with a dull glow, and a quiet buzzing bounced around her brain, and it seemed to be emanating from...
Right... behind her.
She shuddered as another flash of warmth ran through her body. Her eyes shifted around the now-illuminated room. She could sense somepony -- something -- else in the room with her.
Another short breath. Against all better judgment, she shifted her body to her left.
Emotions violently clashed in her mind. Very violently. Fright and worry and confusion and the peaceful sense of familiarity were in a metaphorical battle. The only thing she could do was -
Her thoughts were interrupted by a slightly translucent pink hoof pressing quickly against her lips, buzzing faintly as it did so.
"Don't scream."
It must have been minutes, but it felt like hours. Then again, even minutes in such a terrifyingly odd situation could make any average mare's heart burst. Twilight felt tears, frightened, surprised tears, surface again before her 'guest' took her (its?) hoof off her lips.
"Now, you're not gonna scream, right?"
Twilight shook her head silently, her pupils pinpricks by this point. Her mind had calmed down just enough for her to get one sentient thought across.
"...How?"
The entity giggled, her voice sounding detached, distant. "That's not the point, Twily."
A forced chuckle escaped Twilight's lips. Her nickname. It coming from the unearthly being before her, though, made her feel all kinds of burning emotions. She reached a shaky hoof up to her visitor's cheek. It felt... normal. But there was an electric quality to it, as though she comprised nothing but lightning.
"You... you can't. It - it doesn't make any..." she trailed off into mutters, still badly shaking.
Another giggle echoed around the room, and Twilight retracted her hoof quickly in surprise. "But I'm here. Well, kinda. Look, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Don't be scared, Twily, just be..."
The disembodied voice drowned out as another thought clicked in Twilight's mind. Once in a lifetime. Without realizing fully what she was doing, she'd leaned forwards and embraced the half-visible pink mare, sobbing as she did so.
"How? Y-y-you - I don't - why would you - how could you -" she stuttered, taking every bit of comfort she could in the slight warmth of the embrace.
She heard the detached voice echo around the room. "Shh, shh, I know, I know..." It was comforting in the strangest way.
"P-Pinkie, how c-could you? Why d-did you leave me like this?" Twilight continued, her voice rising in volume. "You couldn't have died! You - you couldn't have!" She inhaled, shuddering. "I loved you."
"I'm sorry," Pinkie's voice whispered. "If I had the choice, you know that I'd spend my life here in Ponyville with you."
"But you DIDN'T have the choice!" Twilight shouted, pulling away and sitting up. "You DIDN'T, and it was MY fault!"
Pinkie gasped. There was a moment or two of near-silence, save for the gasps and sobs and buzzing echoing around the room. "No," she said firmly after a few moments. "Please don't blame yourself, Twily. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't anypony's f-"
"It WAS my fault!" Twilight shouted again, tears streaming down her face. "I was RIGHT THERE! I was in the NEXT ROOM!" She choked on her words, her shouts breaking down into whispers. "I remember everything, Pinkie. I r-remember the blood." Images flew into her mind momentarily. Images she'd never wanted to see again. "I could've stopped it. I could've," she finished, leaning again into a deep hug.
The sadness in her slowly began to lose its intensity as she felt such a familiar mare between her forelegs once again. By then, her cheeks displayed her grief. Not anymore, though. Every sob that now racked her body was emotionless. Just the feeling of being close to Pinkie - the Pinkie that she knew was gone - made her head light and her heart ache.
"I remember it too," Pinkie's voice whispered. Twilight could feel the warmth of her breath on her ear. "I remember right after it happened, Twi." A sniffle. "I... I could see you. You were crying, I think. Shouting something." She grasped Twilight tighter as she heard a staccato breath. "I didn't want that, Twi. Neither did you. It was just... just a n-normal - normal kitchen accident. It c-could've happened to - to anypony."
"But it happened to you," Twilight whispered back, and the sadness returned. Full-force. A fresh wave of tears came to her. She remained crying into the entity's shoulder for... well, hours. No matter how long it was, though, it would never be long enough.
The moon vanished slowly from sight as a new brightness turned the black sky blue. Twilight had drifted in and out of sleep, taken into a state of total peace by her visitor. Her eyes snapped open as she felt day returning. She pulled away from the sleepy embrace.
"Pinkie?" she whispered, staring into the light blue eyes she knew too well. "Does this mean you're staying here?" She spoke with hope, even though she could feel the answer already. It was too long of a stretch.
Pinkie smiled sadly, her body shifting colors momentarily in a haze of static. "I wish I could."
Twilight sniffed, and nodded quickly. "I guessed so. I - I just... I don't want you to go." Her voice broke, but she steeled herself and continued. "I don't want you to leave again. I want you to stay with me. Please." She took a shuddering breath, a few tears falling down her cheeks. "I love you."
Pinkie raised a hoof to Twilight's face and gently wiped away her tears. "I'm sorry, Twi. But I can't. It's just - not possible," she whispered, her own staticky eyes visibly tearing up.
Pinkie moved her head forwards slowly, catching Twilight in a soft kiss. Twilight's heart was on fire. Her horn began glowing a light pink as a tingle ran up her spine.
Why can't this go on forever?
Of course it couldn't. Pinkie pulled away with a quiet buzz, her eyes still half-closed. She brushed a few loose strands of hair out of Twilight's face with a slowly dimming hoof. "I want you to look in the second drawer of the chest next to my bed." She nuzzled her cheek. "I love you too, Twilight."
Twilight looked on helplessly as every cell of the pink mare's body, already having a seemingly loose grasp in reality, dissolved as though blown away by the wind. She made a hopeless grab for the pink wisps sweeping away from her, before bringing her hoof back to her mouth in an attempt to comfort herself.
The sun finally rose less than ten minutes later. But by that time, the library was missing its librarian.
It was probably only luck that Applejack's harvest had taken her to the gates of the Acres at a certain time early that morning. A minute less or a minute more, and she wouldn't have had the chance to see her friend galloping through the adjacent street, a small object held close to her chest in a warm pink glow.
Applejack's eyes followed Twilight down the street as a flurry of tired thoughts swam through her mind. Twilight seems awfully upset, gallopin' at that pace... and so early in the mornin', too. Well, she's been upset since... the incident. We all have. She looked hazily down the street. Now where could she be headin' at this hour? All that's down there past the city limits is the lake and the...
The cliffs.
Applejack gasped, assuming the worst. Her pulse jumped, and all thoughts of sleep were driven violently out of her mind as she abandoned her apple cart, leapt over the fence, and took off after the quickly retreating purple mare.
As the quiet street filled with the sound of hoof-on-cobblestone, Applejack quickly went over everything. In the end, of course she was being drastic. Of course there was another reason Twilight would be heading out of town early in the morning. But none came to mind, and therefore she couldn't afford to take chances.
Applejack may have been faster physically, but apparently Twilight was fueled by something beyond sugars and proteins. Applejack had just passed the city limits (panting and sweating) when she heard another pony's panting. They were still a good two miles from the cliffs: if that was Twilight, what had she stopped for?
Applejack looked quickly around at the lightly forested surroundings. She could still see various buildings from Ponyville behind her, but everything else was only partially familiar. There was the sound of a nearby stream, and, of course, the panting of her absent friend.
She took a few cautious steps through the brush, before she realized with a terrible pang of compassion what exactly Twilight had left Ponyville for. Through a latticework of shadows, Applejack could see her friend standing in a small corner of the Oakfield Memorial Graveyard. She stood by, a hoof to her mouth, as the scene unfolded in front of her.
Twilight's heart was burning. She wasn't sure whether it was from her extraordinarily long gallop, or just from a sleepless, emotion-filled night. It didn't matter.
She looked down at the granite headstone, a scowl on her face. "Keep Calm and Cupcakes", the epitaph read. "Pinkamena Diane Pie, 6029-6054 CR. A bestest friend to all." You even had to keep things lighthearted in death, didn't you? Twilght thought bitterly. It's almost cruel.
She looked down at the ground below her, plastered with wilted petals and the rotting gifts of the entire population of Ponyville. She inhaled deeply, and let out and angry sigh. "I know it was you, Pinkie," she began lowly. "It was you, last night. I wasn't dreaming. I remember the warmth and the feeling of - of - of somepony else in the room with me, and - and the buzzing... I know it was you." Her voice was beginning to rise.
"You've broken physics beFORE, Pinkie!" she shouted, biting her lip to calm herself down. "And you did it again. I know you did," she finished, throwing the small wooden box onto the ground in front of the headstone. It snapped open, sending a small golden necklace flying towards the headstone.
Silence.
"This means... forever," Twilight nearly whispered, her voice shaking. Her eyes hadn't strayed from the ground below. "But... but it wasn't forever." She put a hoof against her head. "S-stupid. It c-could've been forever. B-but I ruined it. I could've stopped it. I could've h-heard it, and came in, and s-stopped it from falling. It - it wouldn't have been hard. I-I've picked up h-heavier things.
"It didn't need to happen to you. It could've happened when nopony was anywhere near it." She fell to her haunches, her voice breaking. "But it did. And n-now you're gone."
Silence.
"We could've had a life together, you and I," Twilight sniffled, smiling despite of herself. "A house to ourselves. A family. We would've grown old together. Lived our lives... in love." A sob. "But... no. No. The universe... played a terrible joke on me. It took you away." Tears rolled down her cheeks freely, even though a thin smile was still playing on her lips. "You've broken physics before, Pinkie. Why won't you do it again?"
She leaned forward and hugged the headstone, leaning on it with the weight of her misery. Her sobs, some of the last she would give for her, echoed around the light forest.
It was no more than a few minutes before her tears diminished, and she stood stiffly, collecting the small necklace and returning it to its box with her magic.
"What do you want, Applejack?"
Silence, and the shuffling of dry leaves and awkward movements. Applejack emerged from the copse of trees behind Twilight. "Ah-Ah'm sorry, Twi, ah didn't mean to interr- um- what ah mean to say-" She paused.
Twilight remained stoic, and turned around to leave, still not looking at the orange earth-pony standing embarrassedly near her. However, to Twilight's surprise, Applejack didn't stay behind or move ahead. She ended up walking alongside her, silently. Twilight was touched, but also felt a degree of frustration towards her friend. Couldn't she see Twilight wanted to be alone?
To Twilight's further surprise, Applejack was still walking alongside her as they passed the gates to Sweet Apple Acres. Twilight stopped, the box still held to her chest. "Applejack, go home."
"Not until ah know mah best friend's okay," she replied quietly.
"I'm fine, AJ, just go," Twilight said, with an undertone of exhaustion. She was more than ready for this emotional awkwardness to be over.
Without further warning, Applejack leaned over and threw her forelegs around Twilight, enveloping her in a true embrace. Twilight was shocked at first: she had been so desperate to leave her friend, at least for the time being. She thought being alone could help her. But she felt herself leaning into it, to her dismay. Just the emotion in this one hug was too much, coming from somepony she knew cared about her. Just the compassion she felt in Applejack: too much.
She felt that familiar tingle behind her eyes, and a signal went off in her brain. No. Not now, not in front of somepony else. Remember Pinkie's will. Don't be sad. Be happy. Be happy.
"Ah'm sorry, Twi," Applejack whispered.
That pushed her over the edge. Tears began falling down her cheeks. But... she didn't feel the kind of terrible misery she felt when she went over the accident in her head, or the longing tears she felt that still stung her cheeks even now, even from the night before.
She smiled, and reached her forelegs back around Applejack, returning the hug. "Thank you, AJ. Thank you so much."
Not all tears have to be sad.
