Trying Fanfics

by APainfullyBadWriter

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy
Length: 1712

Terrible OC ponies write even worse stories. Will they ever rise above the challenge? Probably not.

What happens when typical OC ponies read a bunch of other fanfictions? They get brave and try to write their own!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-07-08 06:03:58 UTC

Chapter 1: Starlight Gear Writes a Fanfic

STARLIGHT GEAR WRITES A FANFIC

Today we follow a typical blue earth pony. A young mare with dreams that may be soon realized... or not…

“C-come on!,” Starlight pleaded to her almost ‘forced’ friend. Laying on her tummy, the indigo earth pony held onto her friend’s forelegs, her own hind legs kicking wildly, causing her unusual cutie mark, a five-pronged gear, to appear to spaz out with her movements.

“No. Why should I let YOU use my desk?” her friend snorted. An aqua green unicorn mare with a constant angry look on her face, stared down on the pitiful indigo pony. She adjusted her glasses, pushing some of her unruly sky-blue mane out of her face. “You’re just gonna muck everything up! And besides, you don’t know the first thing about writing!” The unicorn pointed to her own cutie mark: three red X’s. She ran a bookstore and was skilled in writing, to say the least.

“Shaaaddddyyyyyyy,” the indigo pony pleaded. She was cut short by a stack of paper that came falling onto her head. She recovered quickly however, hopping to her hind legs and bouncing around, her blonde mane going every which-way. “Thank you thank you THANK YOU!” Her forever angry friend levitated more supplies over towards the dark blue pony, her horn glowing a pale pink with magic. Starlight wasted no time, scooping up the writing supplies and trotting off to her workstation..

* * * *

“WHAT THE HAY IS THIS GARBAGE!?” Shady shouted. She was displeased, no. This was far beyond displeasure. Her voiced rocked the tiny little bookstore in Ponyville. She was almost glad the sign outside said ‘CLOSED’. It was late however, so there was little chance anyone would be in there anyway.

Starlight cowarded behind her hooves, squeaking incoherently. “I-i-i-is it n-n-n-not any g-g-good?”

“NO it’s not any good!” Shady levitated an excerpt from the blue pony’s prose, pacing the polished wooden floor as she began to read aloud.

“Oh yes! I’m your blue plaything,” Steel Gear moaned. Her lover, the Red Stallion, plowed her from behind and stuff while Twibright Glitter pleasured herself in the corner. The Red Stallion’s huge member throbbed and felt really good to the curvy young mare, making her scream out in ecstasy and orgasm twice instantly. Twibright Glitter swayed over to the drained mare.  “Oh you look so lovely when you climax,” the velvet pony chirped, placing a hoof on Gear’s abused rump. “I’m going to have to punish you for that.” Gear only moaned louder, her body ready for abuse as the Red Stallion thru—

Shady gagged. “It’s like you wrote smut based off bad romance books,” she choked out. “This is terrible. It’s clearly you, Big Macintosh, and Twilight Sparkle! Have you even been with a stallion before?” Shady tapped her front left hoof on the floor.

“Does an alternate universe Princess Luna count?” Starlight whispered, still trying in vain to hide underneath her hooves.

“No it doesn’t count. I said stallion you dolt, and that doesn’t even make sense! I bet next you’re gonna tell me there are like thirty different Pinkie Pies.”

“Well…”

“No. Shut up. This is garbage you wrote.” Shady brought another few pages of the prose to her, trying to hold it as far away as she could with magic.

KABOOM! Ponytown’s main square erupted into a blaze of fire that was hot like Solestia’s choice FLANK. Steel Gear and her two intimate lovers, the Red Stallion and Twibright Glitter, stood amongst the panic and havoc, joined by a courageous orange earth stallion, a super sexual pink earth pony, and a very manly yellow Pegasus with epic facial hair. Oh, and they all had sex already, just in case you forgot in the last chapter.

“WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?” Gear shouted out in confusion at the sky. She was answered by more explosions and fire, the town being baptized by flame.

“YAR HAR HAR,” called out a pirate’s voice. Standing on her hind legs was a cyan pony with a mane that was every color of the rainbow. She wore a tattered red coat and an eyepatch. “I told ye, if I can’t have ye, nopony will! YAR HAR HAR!” The cyan mare pointed a hoof at the group below her, and her air fortress seemed to come to life. Cannons swiveled and turned instantly to the sexy heroes, steam shooting out from the massive engines haphazardly placed about the flying pirate ship. The mast began to slowly transform into a railgun.

Super Sexy Steel Gear stepped forward. “I’m sorry guys, but I might not return.”

“No! Don’t go,” Twilight Sparkle called out. “I love you!”

Gear looked back. “I love you too.” Then, she drew her weapon, the sacred katana of Ichimatagatiri. Leaping high into the sky, she soared right for the cyan pirate. “WHY DID IT TURN OUT THIS WAY? WHY DO YOU TRY TO FORCE YOUR LOVE ON ME!?”—

Shady stared at the piece of paper like someone would a wounded animal: pity, disgust, and possibly confusion as to how it got this bad. “Gear, honey. You clearly wrote ‘Twilight Sparkle’ in this part,” Shady finally whispered.

With slightly more confidence, Starlight raised her head. “Oh, yeah, hehe,” she chuckled. “That was a typo. I’ll be sure to correct it.”

“Oh you need to correct the whole story!”

“What? But why? This is the epic meeting! A huge batt-“

“Your character is a huge Mary Sue! Why would she have a katana in a place like Ponyvil—err..Ponytown? And why is everyone suddenly in love with her if she’s still new to town?” Frustrated, Shady stomped her hooves repeatedly. She’d have ripped her own mane out if she had the means to. “And you’re not even trying to hide it anymore. Why is Fluttershy a guy? And why is Rainbow Dash a pirate? That makes no sense! It would never make sense, even if it were true! And the…the random people in this. You went to great lengths to explain them, IN DETAIL, only for them to never show up again. Take this for example, a ‘light blue stallion with a long flowing blonde mane and a super sweet moustache to match. His pose and very being symbolized power. Steel Gear swooned over him, and she could tell he wanted her’. This strange mustachioed pony never even shows up again!”

Starlight, standing up now, slowly walked over to Shady. “Well, you have to at least admit it started off strong, right?” she questioned.

Shady hit her over her head. “No. Not one bit. It started off terrible. ‘Steel Gear’ moves into Ponytown after her home village was destroyed by some ‘White-eyed blood red farm stallion’ and basically seduces everyone instantly. Literally the first few chapters is just her having sex with everyone and everything. Incorrectly, mind you. Heck, one line read ‘The tired looking pony with a pure white mane stuck his throbbing member into her butthole. It was hard like moonstone, and it made her sex clench instantly.’ Seriously? I’m beginning to suspect you don’t even know how a pony operates.” Shady sighed in clear frustration. “Never pick up another quill. Your writing days are over.”

Wrapping her magic around Starlight’s hard work, Shady tossed it all out of an open window and hopefully into a dumpster where it belonged. She felt as if she’d have to tidy up the store to scrub it clean of the filth that was just in there.

“NO! WHY!?” Starlight pleaded.

“Relax, it’s where it belongs, where nopony will have to suffer from its existence.”

A voice called out from just outside Shady’s bookstore. “Oh? What’s this?” Shuffling of paper could be heard. Starlight and Shady quickly ran to the window, only to find Twilight Sparkle standing outside, a saddlebag on her back. She looked as if she had come from one of Pinkie Pie’s legendary parties, since pastries were almost spilling out of her bag. She appeared to be reading Starlight’s story.

“No, don’t!” Shady started. “FOR YOUR OWN SANITY STOP READING NOW!”

A look of horror slowly spread across Twilight’s face as she began to read out loud.

Discord Moon stood before Twibright Glitter. In her huge dragon arm she clutched a wounded Apple Jax. “We have to do something!” Twibright panicked.

“I know just one thing,” Steel Gear said, rising to her hooves. She limped over to Twilight Sparkle and wrapped her forelegs around the sexy velvet pony embracing her. They began a long, passionate kiss, their tongues dancing, one hoping to claim a victory over the other in a wet, hot wrestling match Twibright’s silky violet mane fell into her face, her horn spilling sparkles of magic from the tip.  Begrudgingly, they broke from their lustful kiss, their bodies trembling, clearly wanting more.

“Oh how cute,” Discord Moon mocked. The pitch black half dragon, half pony tossed the near dead orange earth stallion to the ground. “You should thank me! I gave you one last embrace before your demise!”

Steel Gear closed her eyes. Her fur coat began to change into a bright white, her cutie mark becoming seven glowing emeralds. She opened her eyes, revealing burning red irises. In an instant, her mane became engulfed in a bright flame. She pointed a hoof at Discord Moon. “No, it is you who will fall today.”

“YOU DARE CHALLENGE A GODDESS!?” Discord Moon flapped her huge crimson red dragon wings. “I WILL MAKE YOU SUFFER, FOAL!”

* * * * *

Starlight sat at the Ponyville train terminal. It was dark out, around midnight. There would be no trains at this time. Shady leaned on a wall next to her, her arms folded. There was a long, awkward silence, the sounds of owls the only noise to fill the warm night air.

Starlight was the first to break the silence. “Was it really that bad?”

“She screamed for five minutes, then ran all the way to her home. Screaming all the way of course,” Shady stated matter-of-factly.

“…..”

“You know there’s no train running, right?”

Starlight tried to hide her face. Even through her dark indigo coat, her face was bright red like an apple. “Someone put me out of my misery..”