AKA, A thing written at time, we shouldn't have been awake writing.
In a clearing edged with scrapped machines, a pony stands by a now broken device with buttons sprung out, the gears and wiring exposed, light bulbs blown. The pony opened their eyes before noticing the carnage around them. Sighing, they looked down only to noticed something strange.
“Faust dammit, Dawn! What happened this time!?” the pony cried out before stopping when he noticed something off. Dawn was nowhere to be found, yet he could still hear her, as if she was over his shoulder. Yet he had no second head so that wasn’t what went wrong. “What do you mean who the fuck knows! You were the one fiddling around with the…” he goes silent. “Ok yes, I was, but it was your experiment!” There was yet more silence, “what do you mean that’s what you were trying to say, that it wasn’t...” He goes silent once more, “One” he says slowly, before mouthing something akin to ‘of your experiments’ in realisation.
This is when another voice comes from the pony, “Yes, exactly! I had no idea how it got here! That’s what I was trying to tell yo- hold the phone! Why do I sound different? Wait, I know! We just need to find ourselves a-”
“LAKE! SO WE CAN JUMP IN IT!”
Dawn paused at hearing something she wasn’t going to say. “Wattle?”
“Yes Dawn?” Wattle spoke with an obvious and fake caring tone.
“Where are you?” Dawn inquired and began looking around only to find her hooves were unresponsive. “Um …”
“There’s a lake in this direction, isn’t there?” Wattle thought out loud before walking in a random direction.
“Oh no,” realisation dawning on Dawn. “No! Noooo!” she started whining when she fully understood what had happened, unintentionally causing her shared body to trip over the device.
“Yes, yes, yes! To the lake!” Wattle cheered, regaining his hooves, uncaring about his fall.
Dawn replied sarcastically, “Yes, Wattle, cause drowning ourselves would solve so many issues here. Now hold up, I can fix this!” she announced. “Now … where’s that lake? I mean, wrench.” Dawn looked around the piles of junk for her toolbelt, instead spotting the nearby zebra who had apparently been standing by for decent while, enjoying the show. She quickly stood before trying to brush everything off with a calm demeanour. “Oh hi, Zecora.”
“Despite this lunacy I see,
Your condition is nothing new to me,
Poison Joke that is what now afflicts you,
And Ponyville Spa has a cure so true,
So off home you go to get your fix,
And once you are done, come try my new mix,” replied, Zecora.
“Oh, that’s very kiiiiii- how did you know I was out here?” Wattle asked in a confused manner.
“Although never aligned our schedules be,
Dawn often mentions when you left to me,
Mere minutes after you go is when I arrive,
So today to meet you, is to what I strive
Though to see you like this
Well, something is amiss,”
“Something is amiss alright,” Dawn tries to mutter under her breath but due to Wattle’s inability to keep quiet, it’s said a lot louder than she intended. Upon hearing this, she sighed. “Disregard that. While things may be amiss, did you see anything odd about my clearing?”
“Your clearing? I’m the one with the deed!” Wattle argued.
“Hush, grown ups are talking,” Dawn said quickly, promptly cringing at the incredulous but otherwise unheard reply Wattle gave. She looked at Zecora before looking up to find a patch of stars in the trees. “Stars!? It was morning when we got here! I didn’t over deharmonise the place did I!?”
“You’re seeing stars you say?
And why are you beginning to sway?” Zecora asked in concern.
“We’re not swaying” Wattle brushes her comment off, “The world’s the one tipping,” he added flippantly before falling to his side.
With a slur provided by a now numb side of their face, Dawn quickly says, “Oo, the numbing sensation is nice,” before losing consciousness too.
A few moments later
“You two seemed to combine mass”
Zecora complains as she struggles to walks out of the clearing with the unconscious party on her back, initially intent on taking them home via the spa, but now thinking that her place and getting help would be easier.
“I don’t have the strength of an ass”
She continues to mumble and mutter as she treks away.
Some time later, at the Hut.
Wattle wakes up first, well, as awake as he could given that he only had control of some of the body motor function,
‘I don’t like this numbing sensation’
His attempts at moving his head was met with failure, and he notices that can’t feel the side of his face that wasn’t currently press to the bed. Or what he was assuming was a bed given that it was soft and bed like, whilst still squishing his face.
The numbing sensation gradually lessens until Wattle feels his mouth move as Dawn’s moan comes through.
“That was unpleasant … wait, maybe it wasn’t a dream after all,” Dawn spoke when she realised her legs were grey and moving sluggishly. “Wattle? Why does this alway happen to me?” she complained.
“Because you strive to stay in harmony-chaos balance regions, so, it will probably to turn out to be, Discord tilting that balance…” Wattle retorts
“Wattle, can it. You always use Discord as an excuse,” Dawn griped.
“With a 100% success rate might I add. Especially considering I’ve only used it 4 times so far in the last 15 years”
“Really?”
“No. No you're right, I use it alot. Though so far I can still claim that 100 percent win rate.”
“That’s it, screw your excuses, we need to find that device,” Dawn snapped and did her best to get up, only to find her legs had gone numb. This caused her to plummet forward and smash her face against the floor.
Wattle laughs sarcastically “I’m glad that wasn’t my face, oh wait…” He pushes up with no issues in the front. “Alright, come on, let’s see if Zecora’s still about” He moves and promptly falls on his rear. “Oh, Ok then… maybe this needs to be a coordinated effort.”
After a moment, Wattle queries “Dawn? You ok?”
“Um … define okay,” Dawn answered in a high-pitched breath. “This is a pain I’m not meant to feel!”
Wattle chuckles at this, “Oh we still have my equipment do we? Wonderful”
“Wonderful!? What about this is wonderful!? You know I’m not up to snuff with these things!” Dawn snapped.
“Oh speaking of, how is the Fillyfreind?” He teased
“I-I’m not like- you know what? We are not doing this! We are stuck in one body and we need to get back to our original selves because this is not happening!” Dawn cried defensively.
And so, with some effort and communication, they made their way into the main room, just in time for the door to burst open and 3 lithe mares to stumble in, crashing into a heap on the ground.
“Oh, hey Ma, mom, mum” Wattle says as they untangle themselves.
The pink mare with blue mane recovered first, looking frantically about for her little baby boy.
A quick intake of breath sounded out when she spotted the jumbled up pony, the other two mares recover, and the coffee-cream mare with lilac mane asks cautiously “Wattle?” with the final mare, a colour swap of the first, finishes “What has happened to you?”
“I would like to blame Discord, but Dawn says that’s a stupid excuse” Wattle replies,
“Oh and Dawn’s here too, in me, as me, kinda, whatever…”
“You …” Dawn spoke in Wattle’s head, sound shocked, confused, and curious all at the same time.
“So… Zecora says it’s fixable, something about something something poison humor something? Yes? Do we still have a cure at home? Or should we instead go with Dawns theory of it had something to do with the other thing” Wattle queries,
The Blue mare of the group clued up first, and tried to repeat,
“So, you and Dawn, Fluttershy’s niece yes?”
“Hmm-mmh, We did in deed”
“We did not do the deed!” Dawn protested suddenly, causing Wattle’s head to ring.
‘Ow’ He thinks back, as the Blue mare begins again,
“So, you and her encountered some Poison Joke, and as a result, have been fused into one? Is that right so far?”
“As far as I know, probably, I blame Dawn nonetheless”
‘COWPATTY!!’ Dawn screeched.
“You take over then! Explain it to my Moms, your side” Wattle says out loud as they suddenly collapse a little as he forces Dawn to take over.
‘Oh we’re still a bit sore back here are we? Darn…’ he mention from the back of their mind.
Dawn grumbled something unintelligibly and froze at seeing the trio. “Um … hellooo. Are you here to give Zecora a spa treatment?”
‘Really? That’s what you’re starting out with?’
‘Yes, yes it is,’ Dawn thought back sternly.
“And so, are we talking to Dawn now? I think I’m starting to follow…maybe” The Cream one says, looking at the shared bodied one with a curious expression.
“Yes, I’m Dawn, hi!” Dawn said in a high-pitched tone.
“Ok, well, not to be offensive, but can we make our way to the Spa, we’d like our son back to one thanks” The Pink Mare states, pointing back towards the door.
“Yay Home again! Come along Dawn! Finally have you over! As me!” He calls happily before his tone changes to a neutral one “It’s not opportune but it’ll do…”
“You’re … it’s Ponyville. Maybe I shouldn’t go,” Dawn said more to herself and tried to go in the opposite direction.
“Nope! Nope! We Go! We go! To PonnVills! Huzza for PonnVills!” Wattle chants and canters on the spot before heading off with the Three mares.
They pass by an out of breath Zecora along the way, and the Spa Ponies offers her to come along and have the rest of the day at the Spa relaxing, Zecora conveys* that she would love to if she had the energy.
Dawn grumbles to herself, again, and picks Zecora up by ducking underneath and began walking to the spa with great reluctance.
‘Oooo! My kindheartedness must be rubbing off! Aww, I’m in the back again…’
‘What kindheartedness, you’re full of chaos. Wait, that’s the problem! You’re a chaotic influence!’ Dawn thought accusingly.
‘Oh probably’
After some more walking, and some double takes from some townies, they finally arrive at the Spa.
“I shouldn’t be here,” Dawn mutters. She forced herself to walk inside after some mental... ‘nudging’ from Wattle, even though it felt more like a typhoon, she trudged, and dragged her hooves, only to suddenly collapse from Zecora’s weight inside the reception.
‘Oh yeah, we were getting worn out back here’
‘An you didn’t think to warn me!’ Dawn howled irritably.
‘You didn’y need the excuse to stop. Besides, we can go the rest of the way, just down two flights of stairs’
“Someone kill me …” Dawn groaned underneath Zecora. Dawn managed to look up atfim the desk and saw a few names. ‘Aloe, Lotus, and Vera.’ in their respective coat colours “Oh. Aloe, Lotus, and Vera. … sounds like medicinal creams.”
“Did you say ‘ Someone Cure me? Because that’s exactly what we plan on doing” Aloe says cheerfully, before turning to Vera, “Though, would you mind treating Zecora, she deserves it”
Lotus come in too, “And if you use the new rooms, we can still have Miss Rarity come by for her usual, since it should take long to have… these two… in to soak with the P.Joke cure”
Once they were down and the cure bath was filled, both with the liquid and the pony. It didn’t take all too long before they faded into unconsciousness.
To the outside observer, they would hear a sizzle, and splatter, and see a bright light flash, and as the light dies down, a pair of Ponies now in a tub too small for two.
It’ll be awkward when they wake up…
END OF CHAPTER! TUNE IN NEXT WEEK, SAME PONN AUTHORS, SAME PONN FANFIC! SEE YA THEN!
One week later
Now in a Hospital Bed, Wattle awakens and immediately notices the big ol Draconequus sitting near the foot of the bed.
“Ahhh! Welcome back, have a fun walk through the Ethereal plane?”
“Yeah, was quite nice, can’t remember any of it, but I feel refreshed, and since I’m me again, the cure was a succubus? Success. I mean. How’s Dawn? She wouldn’t be used to something as Chaotic as that”
As if on cue, Wattle hears a whoosh. Looking over he finds Dawn looking down her blanket.
“I swear I had morning …” Dawn whispered to herself, not paying attention to her surroundings. “Um … obviously not. I’ll just put this down now,” she said when she noticed him looking and gently lowered the blanket. “Wattle, do me a favour. Don’t come near my experiments again.”
“Okidoke, thank you for sticking near us Mr. Discord, we still on for Saturday?”
“Satuday was two days ago, but It was no problem, still got to hang out with my Favorite little bundle of Harmonised Chaos” The Chaos god replies, before turning to Dawn, though before he can get a word in, she asks bluntly,
“Are you married?”
“No, but if my small jaunts into the future are anything to go by, maybe one day, or it could have just been me playing a trick on myself now, after remembering this conversation. You know how it goes right?”
Dawn looks blankly, before rolling over, “Imma go to sleep now, please be gone before I wake”
Author's Note
*aka, the authors CBF writing her rhymes…
We're sorry. Not really. But we are.
