Congrats, you're a dad

by Locky

Rating: mature
Tags: Romance, Comedy, Slice of Life, Sex, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person
Length: 3735

You've been happily married to Twilight for years now. Oh, also, you're a dad.

You've been happily married to Twilight for years now.
Oh, also, there are 5++ miniature abominations running around the castle, calling you dad.
Good luck.

Short green I did a while back, 'kind of' a sequel to 'Academic purpose', even tho I wrote this one long before. Don't need to read one to appreciate the other.
Also, this isn't smut. I guess. for now.
Still Tagged as Mature because it contains (or may/will contain) adult situations and 'humor'.
Tags; Autistic headcanons, married life, satyrs, me trying to write SoL comedy, family drama and cute kids.

Oh boy.. featured.
Not sure why/how, but thanks a bunch guys

Now with audio reading by Lotus Moon >here<

Published 2017-04-24 00:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-04-24 19:12:11 UTC

The first and only cha-oh wait

Autumn is here, and with it comes the changing weather.

The heat of the day is soon replaced by the chilly night.

Dark, rolling clouds were forming and in the air, the heavy, oppressive sense of thunder...

I mean, the pegasi just felt like fucking with ponies again and prepared a storm.

"Okay, time for bed kids!"

A choral of aww's and nooooo's echoes throughout the living room.

"Daddy pwease, five more minutes!"

Your youngest daughteru looks up to you, her small hands gripping and tugging at your pants.

"Yeah! just one more episode! pleasepleasepleaseplease!"

You look at your wife, both of you sharing a smirk.

"It worked better the first two times. We'll finish watching it tomorrow, it's late already."

With that you get up, keeping your last spawn in your arms and ignoring the small hands grabbing at you, trying to keep you on the sofa.

"We've got a big day tomorrow, aunties are coming for a visit and me and mommy have things to do before they get here."

Disappointed, grumbling and kicking at the ground, the horde accept its fate and gets up, one at a time.

But your oldest daughter. She's in her rebellious phase.

"Come on missy, you heard your father."

"Me too?! But I'm, like, nine already! My friend's parents let her stay awake super late! Why do I have to go to sleep with the babies?!"

Twilight sighs, before she turns to you, her eyes flicking between you and the young agitator.

That's the signal.

A man's got to do what a man's got to do.

The infant in your arms giggles as magic starts enveloping him and looks in awe as he starts floating in the air, soon enough throwing its small arms forward when approaching his mother.

You step in front of the rebel, looking down at her, a frown on your face.

The giant tower of doom that you are sends a shiver down your daughter's back.

"Why do you have to go sleep with the babies, you said?!"

She doesn't say anything, obviously frightened by your act.

"Do you really want to know why?!"

She gulps.

"Simply because you'll always be... My small baby giiiiirrrlllll!"

Your arms shoot forward, startling her, before your last words' meaning hits her.

You grab her by the waist, pulling her in a hug.

Your mouth finds its target soon enough, sending raspberries and blowing kisses on any patch of skin you have access to.

"PPfftt-Ahahahaha~! S-stop it da-ad!"

You turn her frame around to get access to her belly, and ready yourself for the last strike.

Her small arms are flying around, grabbing and pushing on anything it can find, trying to find a way out, but it's too late.

The motorboating sound resonates throughout the whole castle.

Giggles and snorts fills the room, coming from all directions.

"O-okay, I get it! Just let me down already!"

You let her down, but not before giving her cheek a big wet kiss.

"That's what I thought."

You say that proudly, turning to find your wife's gaze, giving her a 'how'd I do' look.

She rolls her eyes but the huge smirk plastered on her face gives you with what you wanted.

Another tug bring your attention down, this time coming from your third daughter.

She stares at you, her huge eyes filled with hope while her arms are pointed up, her hands clasping at thin air.

"Up! Up!"

You grab her and she gives your cheek a big wet kiss of her own the moment she's close enough.

"Good'night daddy."

"Good night sweetheart."

You return the gesture before bringing her down. She doesn't waste time and runs to Twilight, hugging her and kissing her too.

Your wife let's out a content, if exhausted, sigh.

Your arm finds the small of her back and you pull her closer to you.

You can't see it but you know she's smiling.

It's now completely dark out and you can hear the wind howling and the rain crashing against the window of your chamber.

You've been in bed for a couple minutes.

All the lights are out, and the kids are each in their respective chambers, tho you wouldn't bet too much on that.

Save for the baby, which is resting in his bed right next to yours.

"So... do you think it's another girl?"

Your free hand leaves your side and moves to caress her belly.

"Mmh... I don't know. It's too early to know, even with my magic."

A hoof joins your hand, following its journey around her soon to be swollen, flesh.

"Should we tell the kids? Maybe tomorrow, with the girls?"

"Are you nuts?! Telling Pinkie and the kids at the same time?!"

You chuckle knowingly.

"What? That was fun!"

You grin remembering last year's event.

Between Pinkie's stroke, the knowing grins and waving eyebrows of Dash and Rarity and the face of Flutters when the other kids asked her where do babies come from.

Holy shit that was glorious.

"Yeah fun for you! You didn't have to cope with Rainbow Dash's constant whistling and Rarity's raunchy remarks. Or to stop Pinkie from giving the kids 'the birds and the bees illustrated' by using balloons and a pie."

"To her credit, that balloon actually looked just like my co-"

Her hoof cuts you off before she lifts herself a bit to glare at you.

"Aw, come on, it's nearly midnight. They're asleep."

"Nuh-huh, you promised. No swearing for a year."

"Okay, okay."

Happy with your response she plops back down on top of you.

This time directly on top of you.

You're not really unfamiliar with the gesture, nor is it uncomfortable, far from it.

"It's getting kinda cold, huh? Guess I'll have a look at the fireplace tomorrow."

She hums before using her magic to pull the covers up a bit, forming a cocoon around the both of you.

Your left hand finds its previous spot, down on her back and you start stroking her mane with your right one.

Unconsciously or not, her tail starts flicking around, left and right. Before ending up on your boxers.

Uh... It's been a while..

It's kind of hard to get some intimacy now. It was fine back in the day, when you only had a couple kids, but things have escalated quickly.

You can consider yourself lucky if you can get some action once a month.

And it's been... a month. At least.

Welp, you won't be sleeping anytime soon now, thanks dick.

But maybe you could...

You won't know if you don't try.

"It's been a while since we had some time for ourselves..."

An ear flicks in response, but she doesn't say or do anything.

You cup her cheek with the hand on her mane and stroke her back using the other one, slowly pushing down until it rests right above her tail.

"T-the kids, we can't, Anon..."

"Shh, they're asleep, and it's raining like crazy out there, it'll cover your moans."

She shivers, her tail giving another flick.

"B-but the baby..."

"Having a baby sleeping in the same room never stopped us before."

"But..."

"Come on Twily, it's the perfect opportunity? And you're already full, so there's no way I can get you more pregnant!"

She gives a cute giggle, before gasping when your hand leaves her back and starts stroking along her thigh.

"And you want it too."

You bring your mouth close to her ear before whispering your next words.

"I can smell it."

Another shiver runs through her whole body.

"O-okay. But nothing fancy alright?"

You groan.

Beggars can't chose. Or something like that.

"Yeah yeah, only missionary for the sole purpose of procreation, stick a cupcake in my eye."

*CRACK*

"Oh fuck!"

The storm has other plans for you tho, the thunder just hit somewhere close by.

The loud roaring flash is followed by the sound of a tree falling down.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

You hear one of the girls screaming, followed by thumping hooves. That must be the little one...

Soon enough your door bursts open and the small bundle of joy, scream and fear (mostly fear) jumps on the bed.

"DAAAADDDYYYYYYYY!"

Followed by other hoofsteps...

The twins follow their little sister's example and jumps in.

Followed by your older son, giving a 'might as well' look.

And last but not least, the rebel.

"I-I just came here to see what all the fuss is about! N-nothing else!"

She even brought her wonderbolt pillow with her, squeezing it close.

"I'm not scared or anything!"

Saying that, she still steps up to the bed and climbs aboard.

Before you can do or say anything, the whole squad is in position.

The smaller ones, your last girl and the twins, are in between you and their mom while your son is on her side and the rebel snuggles against your right side.

"What happened daddy??"

"It's nothing sweetie, it was just thunder."

You grumble.

You're not mad. You can't be mad at them. You shouldn't.

Your wife gives you a knowing look. You just smile in return.

"Maybe it was a manticore!" One of the twin growls.

"EEEP!" The small one buries herself under the covers, trembling.

"Don't scare your sister!"

His grin soon fades when hearing his mother's reprimand.

"Yeah! That's not cool!" The other twin, the girl, adds.

"S-Sorry.."

It's your turn to sigh. Bringing a hand on top of the culprit's head, slightly ruffling his hairs.

"It's okay buddy, but you should apologize to her, not them."

He nods in understanding and throws an arm around the frightened little girl, pulling her close before giving her a kiss on the nose.

His twin smiles brightly, repeating his brother's action and completely surrounding their little sister in affection.

"Awwwww, I totally need to take a photo of this!"

"Eww!" Your older son grimaces.

"Ew?! Two years ago you were still asking for me or your father to hold your hand until you fell asleep!"

"That was two years ago!"

"Oh I see, so you're too old for that kind of stuff, huh??" She says, nuzzling him, following his retreat until his head is completely covered by the warm blanket.

"Stop it mom! That's embarrassing..."

You can't help but chuckle at that, your wife's laugh following soon.

Your eyes meet again and your arm instinctively reach towards her, cupping her cheek once more, her small muzzle pressing and snuggling against your palm.

"I love you."

She blushes, slightly taken by surprise by your words.

"Me too."

The little ones giggle and your older son magnificently mimes someone throwing up behind his mother's back.

And the girl on your right closes the distance and tightens her hug, squeezing her wonderbolt pillow between the both of you.

She doesn't say anything, she doesn't need to.

She's still your baby girl.

You lean down and kiss her forehead.

"I love you too."

"Mph..."

Author's Note

Supposed to be 'complete'.
But maybe I'll write more of this someday, so I'll leave it as 'incomplete'.

Morning

"Dad! Wake up!"

It's far too early. You don't open your eyes, but you know it's too early.

"Mhhh."

"Come on daddy, its noon already!"

You just grumble and mumble in your pillow.

"Jus' go watch tv or some shit... zzzz"

*Gasps*

"MOOOOOOOM! DAD SAID SHIT!"

SHIT!

Your eyes open wide and you're filled with energy you never thought you had, jumping out of bed and turning to them.

"N-No! No I didn't!"

Your two girls turn to each other, knowing grins on their face. The older one snort, followed by the other's chortling.

"Ppfft hahhahha."

You just stand there, blinking.

"Wha-what am I missing here??"

Buttercup is the one regaining her composure first.

"Hehe~ Mom went out to pick something up and told us to wake you up~"

You sigh, heavily, before dropping your ass down on the bed, rubbing the sleep away from your eyes.

"You fooled me!"

"I did!" She grins.

"You're evil."

"Mom said I took it from you."

"And too smart for your own good."

"She said I took that from her."

"W-well you shouldn't listen to your mother so much!"

"She also said you'd say that~"

You grumble some more and get up.

You've got things to do.

But not before...

The moment your eyes meet, she knows it's already too late.

She still tries to turn and run away, but your arms are much too fast and your legs much too long for her to escape.

"EEEEP~"

A big wet kiss later, you let her go, trotting out of the chamber, wiping it with a big smirk.

You don't need to use force to get Pearl, the girl twin, she just giggles when she looks at you and then jumps at you, giving you one of her own.

"Hurry up daddy, auntie rarara is coming soon!"

"Yeah, just give me a minute..." She nods and follows her big sister's footsteps.

An hour later

*bambamtshhhbamdumdumdumBAM*

Ugh.. Why did she have to pick this?

Why did you buy it, what did you think would happen?

Not a piano, not a guitar, not that beautiful ukulele.

She had to pick the drums.

*Badumtsshh*

You step in front of her open door and get ready to negotiate.

"Melody, I know you love this thing but couldn't you--"

A loud rattling from behind interrupts you.

You blink and step back, looking in the general direction of the hubbub.

What now?!

"Faster! Faster! Hhahahah"

A vehicle. Not unlike a racing cart, comes out of the turn at near terminal velocity.

"Watch out dad!"

You barely have the time to get out of the way, the vehicle driving past you at breakneck speeds, dark smoke in its trail.

Adrenaline starts pumping and you fear, for you, but mostly for your kid.

"ROCKET! Stop this thing right now!"

"I can't! I forgot the brakes!"

The sound of a palm hitting a forehead can be heard throughout the whole castle.

What's going on inside this head of his?!

Why is this kid so stup-

Buttercup is right next to you. Smirking.

"Mom says he takes it fro-"

"You! Zip it!"

And you start running after the death machine.

A floor lower and you're not on its tail anymore, it's much too fast for you.

"Huff.. huff.."

Where the fuck did he get this thing?!

And why is there an engine on it?!

Your heart skips a beat and you gasp when you hear a loud crash, followed by screams.

You can feel all the colors fade from your face and a cold chill run all the way down your back.

That's it, he killed himself!

He finally did it!

You run faster than ever, finally arriving on the scene.

One of the many unused guest rooms, he crashed through the door and ended his course in the huge double-sized bed.

Or what's left of it, the wooden beams' the machine hit have flown all around the room.

It did stop it, but it didn't turn it off, its wheels still turning and screeching against the hard floor.

"Rocket?!"

"Ahhhhh..."

He groans, seemingly in pain.

You don't need much more, the heaviest sigh you ever had leaves your mouth.

He's alive, at least.

You run to his side, nearly stumbling through the debris spread around the room, tears threatening to leave the corner of your eyes.

"Rocket?! A-are you hurt?!"

You take a good look around him, verifying any kind of open wound or limbs missing.

He just groans when you start moving his arms around looking for anything out of place.

"I'm okay dad..."

You can't believe he's okay.

Then you try to get him out, but something stops you.

He wore a seatbelt.

"A belt!"

"Oohhhh-thank god you had a fucking belt!"

"Well duh, I'm not dumb!"

You blink.

You didn't really expect this kind of response.

So you chuckle, nervously.

You're mad, you're really mad at him, but you're also relieved, so so so relieved he's okay, so you chuckle.

He frowns for a second, but joins you, soon enough.

By now you're both laughing like fools, while the engine is still whirring.

"What happened in here?!"

"He did what?!"

She's furious. She's right to be.

"S-Sorry..."

He's crying by now.

Surely more because of his mom's tone than what he just did.

"I leave the house for one hour, and this happens?!"

"D-Do you have any idea what could've happened?!"

He just sniffs the fluids running out of his nose, trying to evade his mother's glare.

You plop a hand on top of his head and ruffle his hairs.

"It's okay, he's okay. That's the important part."

Then her glare switches target.

Woops, engage plan B.

"Buuuut, she's right to be mad at you."

Her frown deepens.

"Aaannndd.. you understand that, right?"

Her eyes finally switch to your kid once again.

He just nod, then wipe his tears and his running nose using the end of his shirt.

"Good, give her a hug now."

You don't need to give him a push, he's already nuzzling his mother's neck when she reaches out for him with a hoof.

She gives you another look.

She's scared, really scared.

You can understand why.

So you simply joins them both for a moment.

"I-Is he okay?"

Your second son, Lucky, is watching from the doorstep, his twin sister's head poking out from behind him.

Twilight turns her head towards them and is the first to respond.

"Yes, yes your brother is fine. He just..."

She frees him from the hug and retreats a bit, to end up face to face with him.

She sighs.

"He just did something really, really dangerous. Something he won't ever do ever again."

He nods quickly before getting pulled back in his mother's hug.

A loud outburst coming from the machine startles everyone.

Puffs of dark smoke leaves its front hood, filling the room with a smell you know.

But it can't be.

So you decides to step towards the dying machine, its wheels slowing down again and again, before they stop completely, the beast's engine following suit, its roar becoming a hum, then stopping altogether.

You climb in front of it and examine the hood.

You open your mouth to ask him how the hell one go about opening it, but a press of a finger and a click later, it opens up.

You take a mouthful of smoke, backing away coughing everything.

That's the smell of gasoline. Or something close to it.

How in all hells did he get this here..?

Once the smoke dissipates, your hands waving around to accelerate the process, your eyes finally have access to the beast's heart.

That's an engine. And it's human in nature.

There are magical thingies here and there, gems seemingly floating in thin air, but everything else is just like a real car.

There's the pistons, a fancy carburetor, a radiator, and...

To be honest, you have no idea, you're not a mechanic and never really tried or wanted to be one.

Seeing the astonished look on your face, your wife joins your side, Rocket joining his siblings in the entrance.

You hear something along the lines of 'That was awesome', but your brain is too busy right now.

"What.. is this thing?"

You shake your head in response.

"I.. I don't really know. I-It's.. an engine. I guess."

"An engine? But he's only 8, there's no way he can have the magical knowledge to make something so advanced!"

"No, no, it's not magical, or at least it's not just magical. Just.. look."

You point towards every parts you can name, designing them as such and explaining their purposes to her, to the best of your abilities.

"There's no arguing it Twilight, this is human in nature."

"M-Maybe he got it somewhere? Maybe he found plans somewhere or-"

"Or maybe he's named rocket for a reason.."

Her eyes go wide.

"B-But, aren't rockets the devices humans used to explore space?!"

You nod.

She gulps, and plops down on the mattress.

You heave a sigh, and sit next to her, your right arm finding her shoulders.

This is a sensitive subject.

Not the first time you tackled it, or rather, tried to tackle it.

Ponies, and now people, living in Equestria don't chose their kids names.

Or rather, they think they do, but everypony knows you don't really 'have a choice'.

One day, while the mare is pregnant, both parents think of a name.

The same one. And that's how ponies are named. It's as simple as that.

Ponies name it fate, and naively thinks that it's just how things are. Because that's how its always been.

You, of course, have an idea of who exactly is pulling the strings.

But that's for another time.

"Isn't it.. dangerous?"

"Very. Space is cold, dark, and, generally speaking, wants you dead."

A breath hitches in her throat, and tears starts accumulating in the corner of her eyes.

Maybe you should've have tried to find another way to say that.

You pull her closer and she nuzzles your neck, searching for comfort.

You need to say something.

"That's why we're here. We need to guide him, to point him in the right direction, to stop him from making mistakes and to teach him what he needs to know to make it less dangerous."

"It'll be fine. He'll be fine. Maybe he'll become the first pony to land on another planet! Imagine how proud you'll be!"

She nod.

"Y-You're right."

Your left hand cups her cheek, your thumb brushing away the tears threatening to flow.

"And.."

"He's always been great at maths. He takes it from you."

Author's Note

I really, really didn't want to give them names, because I don't want this to be just another 'self insert', because I want everyone to be able to 'take anon's place' and do it as smoothly as possible.
But that would obviously interfere with my plans, so...
Yeah.
And I didn't really expect it to become so.. I don't know, heavy? I guess?
Tell me if that's too much story and not enough comedy or.. whatever it is you're here for.

Also, on the part about names.. that's my headcannon, sorry if it rustles jimmies, fight me irl.
Have fun.