It Does Seem Slightly Excessive, Doesn't It?
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Why King Sombra Was Imprisoned For One Thousand Years
It Does Seem Slightly Excessive, Doesn't It?
There are those who sometimes ask why King Sombra was imprisoned for one thousand years.
It's a reasonable thing to ask: Given the relative lightness of his crimes, such a harsh punishment seems excessive. Lord Tirek ran rampant up and down the countryside, destroying countless towns and cities, and earned his millennium in Tartarus. Discord turned Equestria upside-down (Literally), and none questioned his well-deserved lithological fate. There are dozens of other creatures who have been sealed away by the princesses who had done things so vile and cruel that they cannot even be named. But King Sombra? All he did was take over a city and enslave the populace. By all rights, a simple twenty-five to life would be considered reasonable, or just a simple execution. Instead, he was imprisoned far beyond the average life-span of a pony after being turned into a living shadow. Why would that be?
Well, sit back, my friends, and I will tell you a tale...
King Sombra walked into his throne room, and was surprised to see Princess Celestia sitting upon his throne, Luna standing to one side. While the dread tyrant had expected the pair to arrive at any time, to find them both here, in his palace, without any warning, was more than a little unnerving: Nopony that powerful should be allowed to be able to sneak up on you unaware. Still, he'd not gotten where he was by being a coward, or prone to panicky decisions. Instead of retreating, or trying to immediately start a fight, he instead calmly strode into the room, and asked, "Ah, Princesses. May I help you?"
Celestia, her face a mask of fury, replied, "Allow us to introduce ourselves, since this is our first meeting: I'm Princess Celestia and this is Princess Luna, otherwise known as the two ponies whose city you've taken over. But as far as you're concerned, we're the La-run plucking Fa'ust, and you've just dropped a load of dung in our rose garden."
"Sister," Luna said, placing a hoof on Celestia's shoulder, "don't get upset."
Celestia looked, briefly, over at Luna, and then back at Sombra. "When someone invades Equestria, I get upset. When somepony steals my cake or tries to put poison in my tea, I get upset. But when some rotten piece of dung decides that he's going to take over one of the most tactically and economically vital cities in all of Equestria, just so he can go on his own personal ego trip, and begins torturing my subjects, I am more than just plucking upset. I am VERY plucking upset." As she said that, the sky began to darken slightly, an unnerving sight, given that the princess in front of him was the one responsible for how much light any given acre of Equestria was given.
Standing, and spreading her wings wide in an aggressive stance, Celestia said, "So this is what is going to happen. You are going to surrender to us, and in exchange, you are going to be taken to Equestria, in chains. You will be placed on trial. It will be brief, since your guilt is obvious to all, but you will be shown mercy."
"Mercy?" Sombra asked, an eyebrow raised.
"Yes, mercy," Celestia said, advancing until only bare inches seperated the two of them, each hoofstep striking sparks upon the floor. "As in, I will mercifully refrain from throwing your flank into Tartarus, or bringing back the dozens of achaeic, cruel, and unusual tortures that were the norm a few centuries ago, and instead you will just spend the rest of your days in a prison cell. Mercy, in that your head will remain attached to your neck, instead of separated from the rest of you and then nailed through your forehead to the gates of Canterlot, where you will serve as a warning to others who might try to emulate you. Mercy, in that you won't find out what it's like to have your own horn shoved so far up your ass you can taste it." The glare she bestowed upon Sombra then was fit to give any pony a lifetime of nightmares. After a moment, she demanded, "Now take that crown off, before I feed it to you."
Sombra stared up at the princess, his expression blank. Inside, though, he was terrified: He'd known that he'd be no match for the princesses, but he'd expected the two of them to at least try to negotiate first. He could have at least tried to bargain with the two for some kind of leniency, using the citizens of the city as bargaining chips. However, it was clear that Celestia was not in the mood for diplomacy: Her face said, louder than words, that anything other than immediate obedience, plus a large serving of groveling on the side, was going to end badly for him. This wasn't a story. The smart thing to do was to throw his crown off, get on his belly, and kiss her royal hooves while admitting he'd been a naughty colt.
But then he thought to himself... what if this was a story?
"Look," Sombra said, meeting her glare with one of his own, "Pluck you. Pluck your sister. Pluck the wings you flew in on. Pluck your horns. Pluck your collar things. Pluck your shiny metal boots. Pluck your tea and cakes. Pluck your fat flank. Pluck your multi-colored manes. Pluck your friendship. Pluck your magic. Pluck your country. Pluck your palace. Pluck your Elements of Harmony. This is the Crystal Empire: My crystals are black, and my hooves are steel, nag. Now get the pluck out of my throne room. And if I see either of you in my city again, I'm slapping the dung out of you."
The look on Celestia's face as he finished that said, more clearly that words could ever hope to express, that King Sombra was going to have a bad time.
"And given all of that, we can all agree that King Sombra got off easy."
Princess Twlight Sparkle and her friends looked at the story teller, an elderly zebra, as he concluded his tale. After a moment, the princess asked, "Just one thing, Morgan Freebra." The zebra looked at her, his ears perking up in attention. He gave a nod, indicating she could ask her question.
"How come every time something convoluted needs explaining, you show up?"
The zebra smiled, and said, "Because every time I show up and explain something, I earn a freckle." As the ponies watched, a small freckle appeared under one of his eyes. With that, he walked out of the room.
After a moment of silence, Twilight turned to Pinkie Pie, and asked, "Did that answer your question?"
The pink mare nodded, and then said, "Okay. Now, spin the bottle: It's your turn."
Twilight Sparkle rolled her eyes. Pinkie was her friend, and she wouldn't change that borderline insane fun factory for anything, but the princess honestly wondered whether or not the professional party pony actually understood what the 'Truth' part of Truth Or Dare was about...
Author's Note
Yes, yes, I did just reference Boondocks and South Park in the same one shot. I regret nothing. Or everything. Or everything AND nothing. Take your pick.