My Little Pony: Civil War - or - The Battle of Eight Armies

by NPP6

Rating: teen
Tags: Button Mash, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Sex, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sweetie Belle, Main 6, Other, Romance
Length: 2798

Button Mash and Sweetie Bell go on a date.

Button didn't mean to ask Sweetie Bell on a date for his thirteenth birthday, but that's how it worked out.
Now, Button just wants to make it through the day without completely humiliating himself in fron of the filly he's had a crush on for literally as long as he can remember.

Sweetie knows she deliberately misconstrued Button's request, but honestly, if she hadn't, the idiot never would have gotten a clue. Now she just wants to have a nice time on the way to her fairytale ending.

Applebloom and Scootaloo know how this story ends. The Heroine gets the guy and then rides off into the sunset, leaving her friends behind, never to be thought of again. They ain't about to let that happen.

Nyx and Diamond Tiara know that their friends are being stupid. They also know that the one thing that might break up the trio is Applebloom and Scootaloo succeeding. So they'll need the help of the rest of the foals to foil the ones following the errant Crusaders.

Rarity knows how important this date is to her little sister; which is why she was determined to see it go well even before Applejack overheard Applebloom's planning session. Now she's bound and determined, come heat or high necklines this date will go well.
It. Is. On.

The first rumors around town worried the general populace. Confirmation of said rumors nearly panicked them. The daughter of that stallion and the son of that mare are finally dating.
Things can only go badly.
There have been runs on every hardware store in town as ponies buy what they need to barricade doors, seal windows, and batten down hatches. Ponyville just wants to survive the coming storm.

Her ten years of peace are almost up.
Ten years ago she'd retired when she discovered that the worst mistake of her life would actually have real consequences. She recently learned something though, so now she has exactly one shot at fixing it. Nursery Rhymes has thought long and hard, and made her decision.
No matter the cost, Button will no longer belong to her come sunset.

Thirteen years.
Thirteen years ago four earth pony mares had gone on their first adventure.
Thirteen years ago Nurtura Squad had stolen the foal he had intended to utilize for his rise to power.
Thirteen years ago he was banished into his own Mirror of Nightmares.
Thirteen years ago he was promised a soul.
Thirteen years were up.
It's time to collect.

Published 2018-03-28 04:00:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-03-28 04:00:07 UTC

Prologue 1 - The Arcanist and the Doctor

“So time is broken.”

“Oh, that doesn’t even begin to cover it. No, time’s not broken, it’s completely shattered! And before you ask, no, it wasn’t the purple twins. That was the first thing I checked… It’s weird, whatever did this happened before those two went on their little jaunt.”

“Is that what let them…”

“Nah… well, yeah, but no. No, from what you’ll say when I have you explain the spell to me, it would have worked anyway, this just made things easier.”

“How badly broken are we talking?”

“Badly enough that nopony around here’s noticed that they haven’t aged in five years.”

“…How long?”

“Since we got Luna back.”

“No Doctor, how long have you known?”

“That… Is complicated.”

“I get it, you’re a time traveler.”

“No, I mean… I’ve known the entire time – how could I not, considering how much I jump around in it – but… I don’t always remember. I just… suddenly do, and then spend some time trying to figure things out. It varies, sometimes hours, days, a week, but never longer than a month, and then I forget all over again. Until one day, I suddenly remember, and the cycle repeats.”

“So how long this time?”

“A few days.”

“And you didn’t tell me before… because I’m caught in it too. We can’t fix this from the inside, can we?”

“I don’t think so, no. I honestly don’t know if I’ll be able to, what with how I keep slipping in and out of it.”

“Is it just Ponyville, or…”

“It’s strongest here, not totally sure why, though I’ve a few ideas. There are a few other hotspots too. Basically the further you get from a major magical concentration the weaker it gets, but… The entire planet and a good chunk of the rest of the system are caught in it. It’s failing though. Erratically, but it’s getting better. Time is healing, or… at least, it’s trying to.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s like… You know that old saying about watched pots and boiling? This is the exact opposite. Hours, minutes, days, they all move exactly like they should, but… I asked Twilight how long she’d lived in Ponyville and she realized that her second anniversary of living here was coming up in a few months. Which she knew because she remembered that there was one other anniversary since she’s been here. The Cake twins still haven’t had their first birthday yet, but Rumble has had five – all of them his twelfth apparently, because that’s the number that keeps showing up on the school records. If I had to guess, nopony ever bothered to ask about the number, so it never changed.”

“So Doctor, aside from Dark Mint’s mastery of hot cocoa, what brings you here?”

“You know what’s coming.”

“You’ll have to be a bit more–”

“You know who’s coming for him.”

“Oh. Serious time then. Yes, I know. Unfortunately I know a little too much. I won’t be able to intervene directly on this one.”

“It’s happened before you know. Every year since this started. The day comes, they try to fight him off, they fail, he takes him, and the colt is only the first to die. And then somepony goes back and undoes it all, resetting things so completely that it takes another year for it to happen again. I have some suspicions as to who, but that’s not important.

“What is important is that every time, they reset things by making everypony forget that it was supposed to happen this year. That’s not going to be an option this time around. Between Black Diamond and Applebloom, the ages of all of them are going to be at least a part of what’s on everypony’s minds. This is our last chance.”

“On the plus side, something tells me we’ve never had quite so much to bring to bear before.”

“They had the entire royal family in town two years back. The problem is… this opponent is smart. He and his followers are going to research everything. They’ll be ready for anypony who’s ever saved Equestria before.”

“And you still haven’t told me why you’re bringing all this to my attention.”

“Dinky found out.”

“She…”

“Not everything, but enough. She doesn’t know what’s going to happen, only that something is. She’d honestly probably find a way to get involved this time even if I hadn’t…”

“Hadn’t?”

“Hadn’t promised Ditzy during the War of the Unfoals that we weren’t going to run from these anymore.”

“I would think you’d be proud, all things considered.”

“Oh I am, like you wouldn’t believe. But more than that, I’m completely terrified. She’s my baby girl Midnight, and I can’t… I can’t do anything or it’ll make things worse for everypony. I don’t… I can’t lose her Midnight, what if she… Tartarus, I can’t even make myself say it.”

“This… might be a better conversation to have with Sunny.”

“No! I… I can handle her being in danger – that’s been the case from the moment she was born. I just… I can’t stand not being able to do anything. Look at us, two immortals, sitting here and between us entirely capable of destroying entire galaxies. We know exactly what’s coming, and specifically because we know we can’t do anything about it without breaking the very systems that keep the universe running. I don’t need experience, I’m older than you are, what I need right now is hope. What do I do?”

“I see… it hasn’t happened for you yet, has it?”

“What?”

“A thousand years ago, you’re going to find me. I was in one of my labs, and when you get there I’m going to have everything I need to save her. It’ll be a chance to fix everything before it breaks, to make sure she never falls, and before I used it I had a conversation with you. I’m going to be holding it in my hoof, and I’m going to beg you to talk me down. I pleaded for you to keep me from using it because I’ll know what the consequences are. And I’m going to ask you the same question you just asked me.”

“And what will I tell you?”

“Ripples in a pond. That’s how we fight. We can’t break the rules, so we become very pointed and deliberate about the ways we don’t break them. We dance between the lines to the melody of crashing dominoes, making sure that if we can’t fight, those who can have what they need.”

“…You realize the problem with that, right?”

“I’m not Celestia. I know that the concept can be taken too far. This will have to be more than getting the right pony to the right place at the right time. We’re going to make sure that they have what they need too.”

“So where do we start?”

“First, you and I are going to compile a list of anypony who we think could help. Then, you are going to make a quick trip to ask their future selves if they would have wanted to get involved.”

“So what’s the first name to put on this list?”

“Well, we know that magically he specializes in…”

Prologue 2 - The Mother and the Piper

“You’ve been searching since before he was born, do you really think you’re going to find anything in the next three weeks?”

The mare stiffened ever so slightly as she pored over pages upon pages of notes. “Pan Pipes. Aren’t you supposed to be on your Island?”

“Eh, Midnight convinced Luna to let me into your dreams. Gotta hoof it to that colt, he knows how to find loopholes.”

“So, here to lecture me?”

“Actually I’m here to help.”

“…What?”

“Obviously I can’t help you actually violate the terms of the Contract, the nature of my magic makes that a terrible idea, but I do still owe you for helping me with Windy.”

“Wait… can you…?”

“Unfortunately no. Would that it were so simple. My lost foals… they aren’t mine in the same way that the other Alicorns’ subjects and servants are. They’re mine because they’re like me. They’re the unclaimed. If I were to take him, he would be nopony’s and the contract would come due immediately.”

“Ugh… Wait… What if I passed him off to somepony else?”

“Also no. If you give him away, you’ll violate the terms of the Contract and it’ll come due.”

“So where does that leave us?”

“If he’s nopony’s, the Contract comes due immediately, and if he’s yours, it comes due on his thirteenth birthday. Honestly I’d recommend enjoying the time you have left.”

“I can’t accept that. I have to find a way to fix this.”

“You sold the soul of your unborn son. That can’t really be fixed… Sorry. Windy’s been trying to help me tone down the bluntness, but…”

“You’re fine, I deserved that and more. I’m sure Windy would… hold on… Windy!”

“What about her?”

“What if we reverse it?”

“What?”

“What if… What if I didn’t give him away. What if he was stolen from me before the Contract comes due.”

The eternal colt shook his head. “Wouldn’t work. It’s just a roundabout way of giving him up.”

“What if she didn’t know? What if she didn’t know she was stealing him, or why, or any of it? I can’t give him away, but by the very nature of the Contract it has to be possible to take him from me, correct?”

“Well, yes, technically…”

“So what if somepony stole him from me before the Contract comes due? What then? If she has nothing to do with the contract then it can’t touch her, right?”

“If that were to happen… he would be free of it… again, technically…”

“Good enough.”

“You understand what that means though.”

“The Contract will default, yes.”

“And the price?”

“My soul isn’t worth nearly so much as his.”

“You do realize that it’s entirely possible he’ll be killed or taken anyway?”

“Oh please, if his reign of terror lasts a full week you have my permission to gather what’s left of me before I can cross over, turn me into a hollow tree, and make me babysit pixies for all eternity.”

“Really? Gotta say, that would be very helpful.”

“Twilight, Midnight, Discord, Celestia, Luna, Cadence, Black Diamond, Any of the other retirees… She can keep him safe until one of them takes him out.”

“Sounds like you have a specific individual in mind.”

“I do.” She told him the name.

“Oh… Oh, this is going to be fun.”

Prologue 3 - The Protagonists

It was a relatively peaceful day in Ponyville’s park. The current inhabitants consisted of a white unicorn filly and a brown earth pony colt. Her pink and purple tail was bouncing as she nearly pronked towards a long wooden box. The propeller of his bright red beanie spun as he relaxed slightly but still continued to sweat nervously. (Being led into the bushes by a filly hadn’t ended the way his dad had suggested, nor had he yet been eaten as his own experience would suggest… but there might be seasonings in that box.)

Other than the pair, the park was uninhabited. The park’s bushes, trees, and clouds however, now that was another matter entirely. What had happened was simple. Cheerilee had had to leave for an emergency and so let them out early. This had prompted some discussion about what should be done with this unexpected afternoon they had been given. The consensus had been reached to have a picnic in the park.

The class had scattered in search of blankets and other supplies, then reconvened at their chosen location. Shortly after the snacks had been consumed, Sweetie Bell had asked Button Mash to follow her – and rather shyly at that. Their classmates instantly reached another consensus (Silently even!), namely that the pair deserved their privacy.

Which naturally meant it was the responsibility of their friends to enforce that privacy.

“Here.”

Button blinked. Of all the things to be in a long wooden box, he hadn’t been expecting another box. Wrapped or not, it was a curious thing to… o~h… Having returned (Temporarily) to reality, Button grabbed the ribbon’s loose end and pulled. (Most considerate ponies when giving a present to an earth pony or pegasus friend would wrap it such that doing so would cause the entire thing to come undone. Unicorns tended to receive gifts with several boxes involved in the wrapping. (A young Twilight hadn’t realized she’d finally reached her present one Hearth’s Warming until she’d gotten to the fifth layer of a nesting doll.))

The gift fell apart to reveal a giant key.

“Sweetie… I...”

“Your old one breaking was… kinda my fault, so I made you a new one. Applebloom and Scootaloo helped, so it’s basically from all three of us… Oh, and Twilight, Midnight, and Zecora told us what we needed to study to learn how to do it.”

A slight jingling as he picked it up drew Button’s attention to the decorative toggle hanging from the handle. “You even got the keychain…”

“A few of them. And it opens locks, although Midnight said not to let the adults know that part for some reason.”

“Wait, so are you saying…” With awe-inspired hesitance, Button swapped out the stylized mouse head for a pumpkin. He could only gape as the blade shifted in his hoof.

His continued silence prompted the nervous question, “Did we miss something? Oh, I knew we should have paid more att–”

Button’s tackle left his beanie spinning in the air behind him. “Best! Present! Ever!”

A few minutes later saw the pair once again upright and physically separated. “So Sweetie Bell, um… you know how that new Power Ponies movie is coming out on my birthday? I was wondering if you uh… wanted to um…”

“Oh my gosh, Yes! That sounds like a perfect date, I would love to go with you!”

The logical leap required to get a train of thought to depart from the birthday celebration he had been attempting to invite her to and arrive at the end result required enough leaping of tracks that by the time he snapped back to awareness, the filly he’d known longer than anypony but his parents had already raced off.

“Girls! Girls! Guess what! He finally asked me out!”

The statement processed, but doing so required a blink. Determining a response required another. Airily, unsure whether this was a dream sequence or a straight up hallucination, he turned to the three ponies that had left the bush immediately behind him. “What just happened?”

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon just giggled, but Pipsqueak deigned to help his potentially concussed friend find his vacation home of reality once more.

“You just got a date mate.”

“I… asked Sweetie out?”

“No.” Diamond Tiara shook her head, still laughing. “Sweetie got asked on a date by you. The difference is the active party.” She preempted the question, then watched the filly in questions as she plotted conversed with the other members of the trio. “It still feels kinda weird being proud of one of them…”

Author's Note

Yes, I know, much less than I usually publish with for a longer fic. Ultimately I just needed to get this out once I was done with it, or else it was never going ot be ready. I have seriously rehashed the particulars of this one more than any three other stories combined, and I'm still not set in stone for all of it. It has finally been driven home to me that I have no idea how to write Comedy or Romance, but this story needs to happen anyway, so hopefully I manage not to get too cringey.
Also, about the three prologues. It was largely an attempt to highlight the three main issues this story is going to be dealing with... Which I'll probably be discussing in detail in a later chapter. I will say that one of them will not be resolved here, which is going to be the premise for one of the three direct major sequels to this.
Yeah, things are going to get a little crazy from here. Three direct sequels, one tangential. None of the planned ones are oneshots. And there's a secondary timeline that'll get involved. Seriously, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. My timeline looks worse than the Zelda timeline. (Now part of that is tracking the order the travelers are going through things in, but still...)
Anyway, thanks to anyone still reading, hope you enjoy the fruits of my insanity.
~NPP6