Human tales

by Locky

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, Drama, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Comedy, Human
Length: 1090

Anon narrates some of the most important events of human civilization.

Ponies are really curious about human history.
So you tell them.
Of course, you feel the need to add some details here and there.

Contains triggers, Historical events that never happened or did they, AiE, HiE, really bad words, ponies asking too many questions and other things.
If you're easily [triggered] and are prone to literal shakiness , have fun
Also, an effort was made about the 'spacing' issues.

Published 2017-04-26 19:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-04-26 19:00:01 UTC

Trump

"Really?" You ask her, an eyebrow raised.

"W-Well, I may have told Rainbow, that you accepted telling me about this..." She says sheepishly, a hoof scratching the back of her neck. "Then, Rainbow told Pinkie-" She gives a menacing glare at the cyan pegasus, "What?" but doesn't stop there. "-and then five seconds later everypony received invitation cards so... yeah. Sorry."

You simply look at the six mares, and give a quick sigh in defeat. Might as well roll with it. "Whatever, let's get on with it." The more the merrier. Or something. And then you walk to your chair and sit, getting comfortable while prepping the couple papers you spent an hour writing, just to be sure not to forget any important parts.

They all follow your example, plopping down all around you.

You watch silently, and they each give a quick nod when settled.

You cough, preparing your throat for the long speech you're going to give them. "Okay, so, it all start--"

"Oh! Oh! Wait!" She interrupts you, then throws her hooves in her mane, fumbling around it for a couple seconds, before taking them out, a bucket far too big to fit in there in her grasp. "Can't start a movie without popcorn!" She giggles before bringing a hooffull to her mouth.

You blink, watching her pooffy mane bob in sync with her movements.

A shiver runs through your back. It's not the first time you saw Ponk's witchcraft at work, but it still scares you. It terrorizes you, even, and only hers does it, you don't feel that way whenever you see Twilight teleport shit around or Rarity starts levitating stuff. There's something wrong with her, and one day, you'll have to do it. You will have to simply grow a pair, grab her, lean forward, and poke your head inside of there. To see what's on the other side.

"do it... do it... you want to do it... do it... come... join me... let us become one..."

"Anon?" Twilight's call stops the eerie voices echoing in your head, making you jolt up, blinking at her.

"Huh, what? Oh, right, the story. Okay..." You take in as much air as you can.

"So, it all started... when Spiderman discovered that the earth wasn't flat by looking at an apple falling from a tree..."

"And that, is how the God Emperor Donald J. Trump, helped by the free people of Kekistan, defeated the Matriarch Hillary and pushed back the invaders from the sea enen, freeing the normies from her tyrannical grasp, using the wonderful powers of memes and statistics!"

"Wha... what?! But that doesn't make any sen-" A raspy tomboyish cry cuts her off. "That was so awesoooome!"

"What?! No it wasn't! Why would Milo help Nigel steal the ISS Brexxit if-" But Ponk doesn't feel like letting her finish either. "Ohh! That part about the feminazis was soooo funny!"

"I admit that this God Emperor Trump sounds rather charming! Would you mind telling me more about him dear?"

"Ah' reckon, that fella has his heart in the right place!"

"Yeah! Tell us again about based Stickman and the fourth battle of Berkeley!"

"A-And, um, if you don't mind, about Tarzan and--" A loud scream stops flutters, her survival instincts kicking in, instantly cowering under the table trembling for her life.

"No! No no no! Thi-this doesn't make any sense!" Everyone stands there, blinking eyes open wide, worryingly looking at her. "You made it up! I'm sure you made it all up!"

You raise your hands with open palms. "Woah there, maybe I did add a tidbit of crunch here and there, but that was only to keep the audience on its toes, I swear I didn't change anything important." You're having a hard time hiding the grin creeping up the corner of your mouth.

"Oh come on Twilight, who cares! It was great!"

"Well I care--"

"Yeah! Why do you have to be such a party pooper!"

"What?! I was jus--"

"Now now, it's okay sugarcube, we know that you jus' can't stop yourself from being so picky about this kin'a nunsense."

Fluttershy finally decides to comes back up, her head poking up from below the table. "Um..."

"Not you too?!" She groans. "eeep~" And there she goes again. "He even said that his planet was orbiting the sun! This-this is heresy!"

In a castle somewhere.

"*Krsshh* Code red, this is a code red, the human just spilled the bean!"

"What?!"

"I repeat, code red, the goyim knows! W-what am I supposed to do?! Princess?!"

"Shut it down! Shut everything down, send the manticores!"

Years later

"You lied to me!" You don't have the time to greet her back.

You raise you hands in surrender. "Whu-what?? What are you on about, woman? I dindu' nuthin!" You blink, doing your best to act the part.

"You lied to me! To us! About all those stories about Trump!"

You blink again, for real this time. "Oh, that's what you're talking about... whew."

"Why? Why didn't you tell us the truth?" She says, stepping closer and closer. She's not really mad, just slightly upset. You know that face by now, it's the face of a pony looking for comfort.

And you give it to her, a hand cupping a cheek when she's close enough. "It was years ago, I was a different man back then Twiggypoo." You sigh, trying to remember the details and important parts. She leans into your palm, wanting more of your warmth, but still wearing her adorable pout. "I... I must've thought it wasn't important."

"Not important?! But that's the story of a whole civilization! Of your species as a whole!" She reaches out with a hoof, placing it on top your hand. Her pout fades and her caring expression take its place, eyes fixed on yours and muzzle scrunching slightly.

"And?" Her lips part, but no words come through. "I couldn't go back Twilight, I knew I couldn't. And even then, I don't think I would've wanted to, this place is great." You smile, doing your best to reassure her, to make her understand that you mean it.

"And, to be quite honest, it was really, really funny. It was just a joke, I swear."

"A joke? Funny? What's so funny about saying that the earth was orbiting the sun?"

"Huh? Oh, no, that part was true."

"*krrsh* Code red! I repeat, code red! *kshhr*"

"SHIT!"

Author's Note

This was silly.
I am so sorry.