Luna Needs Moneyz for dem Vidya Gaems!

by TheMajorTechie

Rating: everyone
Tags: Other, Princess Luna, Comedy, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1576

...And what better way to raise money, than to monetize dreams???

Luna has a problem. A money problem, that is. You see, for the past thousand or so years, Celestia's kinda been... *cough* borrowing *cough* from Luna's share of tax money, leaving the younger sister rather broke.

On top of that, she's found herself as quite the gamer, even sporting the name "N1GH7M4R3-M00N" in the virtual worlds of games. Unfortunately, her current allowance is far too little to support her new hobby...

Contains heavy abuse of the random tag, as usual. ^_^

So why not put advertisements in dreams?

Published 2017-04-27 02:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-04-27 02:00:01 UTC

BUY SOME APPLES!

None of the games I mention in this are actual games on Steam, though they are loosely based on ones that I've played myself. Namely, Mario Kart and Universe Sandbox 2.

BUY SOME APPLES!

It was a dreadful time of the year on this day. The sky had grown dark and cold, fillies and colts cowered in their sheets from the shadows that lurked past the windows... and Luna was broke.

Specifically, a Steam sale had just started, and the Princess of the Night just learned the hard way that having a credit card doesn't mean that one has infinite money.

She had already tried begging, pleading, tricking, and even stealing from her sister's wallet, just for a few more bits to buy the ever-beloved Moonwalk Simulator.

"But why?" Celestia had asked, "Why dost thou hearken to the days of depravity?"

And with that, Luna had returned, "Because I'm fed up with that fake accent of yours, sister. STOP MAKING FUN OF MY SPEECH IMPEDIMENTS!"

To be fair, however, she did fumble with the pronunciation of "impediment".

As for the money, not even the Royal Guard would offer her any, because of their "strict defense budget" and all that. Though, with how often the guard had easily been smitten, it wouldn't be hard to guess exactly what their budget was spent on.

No, it wasn't alcohol, and yes, it was bouncyhouses.

Luna was still broke, and that was currently still her primary concern that she had on mind, even being placed higher than the fact that she had skipped two meals so far playing (SU)CarioKart, which its fans often dubbed as "SUCK RACING", though nopony quite knew why.

After mindlessly wandering for another hour, Luna mentally shook herself awake with the action of walking face-first into Twilight's door. The resulting noises resulted in a very panicked lavender alicorn that was practically orbiting Luna.

"Are you okay?" Twilight asked, helping the princess up, "Did you hurt yourself? Do I need to get help? Why did you run into my door? Is Equestria being invaded? Oh, I sure hope it's not being invaded again... Spike and I just started playing Lego forts with each other since we ran out of books during the last round."

Luna snorted in amusement at Twilight's rambling. "Nay, Twilight. I am simply requesting somma dat moneyz."

"Um... what?" Twilight replied, tilting her head, "Did you seriously just say--"

"Somma dat moneyz? Yes, I did, Twilight. I am requesting a payment of thirty bits from you. Think of it as tax collection, but that it isn't actually a tax."

Twilight frowned. "But why do you need thirty bits? I'm sure that your sister would lend you some--"

"--a dat moneyz." Luna finished for the mare, "And nay, my sister hasn't allowed me access to the treasury for the past two years."

"So why do you need thirty bits again?" Twilight asked as she floated a change pocket out from the hammerspace. "I can't think of anything that you don't already have."

Luna nervously chuckled. "Video games." she mumbled under her breath, her face rapidly growing red in embarrassment.

"Come again?"

"I request from thou a tribute of thirty bits of dat sweet moneyz for the purpose of acquiring some vidya gaems."

Twilight facehoofed. "Please... just, stop it with combining Old Equish with this... this--"

"Meme talk?" Luna suggested, raising a hoof in thought.

"Yes, meme talk." Twilight grunted in response.

"So, about the money?"

"No."

"What if I buy books with it instead?"

Twilight's face immediately brightened. "Sure!" She peeped, winding up to toss the entire bulging bit bag at the princess.

"But I'm not though," Luna replied, "I was gonna buy some games."

Twilight frowned once more, and tossed the bit bag behind herself, where it landed atop Spike's foot. Ignoring his sudden scream of pain, she shut the door on the Princess.

"But Twilight, help a fellow princess, please?"

From behind the door, Twilight shouted back, "NO! NOT UNLESS YOU'RE BUYING BOOKS! YOU'LL BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT GAMES!"

For a moment, Luna swore she heard "Dr. Hooves' Interactive Physics and Universe Simulator"'s background music playing in the background as she left, leaving her with a mental note to ask Twilight again later about educational games.

It was nearly sunset, and Luna had made absolutely zero progress in raising funds to buy games from the sale. In sorrow, she trudged back into the castle, climbing onto her throne as ponies begun to line up for Night Court.

And then, it struck her. She suddenly remembered that since she had only recently returned, and because she was still new to modern politics, she was allowed to skip as many night court sessions as she wanted to.

Grinning, she shoved her way out of the collecting crowd of displeased nobles, leaving behind nothing but a "Sorry, we're closed" sign sitting on her throne.

Tonight, we dream... she thought, pulling a mental list of local advertising agencies she recognized in Canterlot.

Octavia pulled the pillow closer to her as she slept. A cool breeze blew through the open window as she murmured to herself the lines of a generic heavy metal song by an even more generic heavy metal band. Unconsciously, her forehoof moved across the pillow, as if attempting to strum a guitar.

In her current dream, she was playing the part of a musical Batmare riding atop a derailed train to victory. That is, until she noticed Vinyl in the corner of her eye.

"W-what are you doing here?" She asked the imaginary Vinyl.

Vinyl shrugged, and opened her mouth to speak, because this was a dream, so she could definitely speak.

However, when she attempted to say something, nothing came out. Her mouth moved to form words, and she went on without ever noticing, but as for Octavia, she heard nothing but silence for the first three seconds, before something that clearly sounded like a prerecorded message came bursting from her best friend's mouth.

"BUY SOME APPLES!" Vinyl blared in the voice of Apple Bloom, "ONLY NINE-NINETY NINE FOR AN EIGHT PACK OF SWEET APPLE ACRES' FINEST DARN' CIDER IN THE VALLEY!"

"Ahem," Octavia noted out of curiosity, "Vinyl, may you tell me wha--"

"BUY SOME APPLES!"

"Vi--"

"BUY SOME APPLES!"

"Please, ju--"

"BUY SOME APPLES!"

"VINYL, STOP THIS NONSENS--"

"B̷̛̙̮̗̰̬̪̒̑̉̌̈̓̽̎̇̆̅̈́̿̀̇̾͆͘̕͝͝͠Ų̵̛̰͔͖̰̫͙̘̊̌̽̏̐͒̋͒̂̉̀̊̾́̋̚Y̸̺̯͊̾ ̸̨̧̛̳͇̲̜̘͚̫͔̺͓̩̪̞̙̥̱̅̀̏̄͊̌̓͘͜ͅS̴̛̪͎̝̰̟͙̜̩̯̣͎̮͈̣̪̃͐̇̎͑̿̎̔̒͋͊̆̅̔̑͋̌̾̏̚͝͠͠ͅͅƠ̵̧̩̗͚̠͍͕̪̼̜̠͉̲̲̼̬̍̃̽̅̅̿̕̚͜ͅḾ̵̢̨̼͍̩̪̬͈͙̪͚̫̆̂̿̅̂̏̌̾̔̋̿̈̾̔̚͜͝Ę̷̢̛͎̺̤̰̰̙̠̯͓̲̟͈̠͖͊̏͌͐͋̐̽̒̎͊̿̊̓̀̔̿̆̄̕͘̚̚͝͠͝ͅ ̵̡̡̧̛̰̠͕̭̯͖̰̫̙̱̖̹̥̪̖͕̗̳̼̥̓́̀͑̌́̆̎͊̿̄̚̚͠ A̶̡̛̛̯̠̥͙̭̞̩̗̦̞̯̮̮͙̰̣̮̖̖͗͋́̾̈̑̅̊͂̏̿̋̈̚͜͜ͅP̴̦̲͚̲̥̗̭͈̬̣̫̝̪̞̩̰̫̫̲̭̹̹̅̋̄͐̋̐̇̐̊͜͝͝ͅͅP̷̛̥̯̜̑̈́̏̐̅̓̊̈́͂͐̌̄͗̈͒̽̈́̉̍́͗͒̓̚̕L̶̛̛͉͑͋̀̅̓̀̎̌̏̃͊̉̍̏͗̉͘͜͝E̷̢̡̢̡̨̲͇̺̩̟͕̳̦̝̥̖̤̠̮͎̠̳̦̳͒́̈́̌̄̉̍̚̚̕͘͝ͅŞ̷̢̡̭͉͉͕̲̟̺̺̞̙̻͕̜͙͚̯̖̮̥͍͇̑̽̅̈͜!̸̢̡̘̯͕̘̲̻̥͚̰̜̣̪̤̺̬̙̙͎̝̥͚͑̀͆̃̈́ͅ"

Princess Luna pocketed twenty-five cents. Because that's totally how much advertisers pay you for showing ads.

Big Mac swooshed and swept. He twirled and fluttered. His face was giddy. After all, he was wearing a tutu, so why not be a ballerina? His graceful movements were cut short by a billboard for Coca-Cola.

"Huh." the stallion snorted, turning to prance in the other direction.

Another billboard, this one advertising wide-screen televisions from another dimension known as Walmart. He shuddered, remembering the stories Apple Bloom had relayed from Discord about the events that unfolded on a daily basis in the Walmart realm.

"Nnnope." He deadpanned, turning away from the billboards. He took a bow, and the crowd screamed, for there was now a giant, creepy moon face thingy descending upon them.

"Git yerselves a copy o' Ze Leegion of Veldurr," The moon boomed, before quickly shrinking away.

"Eeeehwut?" Big Mac pondered, sitting down in confusion.

A whole five bits fluttered gracefully into Luna's clutches.

Maud stared at Boulder. Boulder stared back. Maud backflipped over the eternal rays of delicious sunlight. Boulder followed. Back and forth, the two continued their unending exercise of imaginative workout sessions. Suddenly, Boulder went missing.

"Huh." Maud stated flatly. "Where's Boulder?"

Boulder, however, was now painted over with a tiny mural depicting a Unicorn Frappuccino in all it's painted on glory. The same went for the ground, the sky, the stars, Maud's cutie mark, Pinkie's mane, and reality itself.

This was the reason why Maud could no longer see Boulder.

As for Luna, Starbucks paid a generous sum of seventy-five cents.

Celestia sipped her tea, as any proper princess must. She proceeded to absorb an entire five-layer chocolate crème cake through diffusion, as any proper princess must.

And then, she felt it... deep down, in her stomach, a low groan began to emanate. Slowly, slowly, but surely, the cake began to upset her stomach. At this moment in time, Celestia knew now why her parents always told her to not eat her food by absorbing it whole through diffusion.

She proceeded to puke the entire cake back out (in pristine, undigested condition, mind you,) onto the table. However, the cake had changed. Not in the way that it had been inside her stomach for a few seconds, but in that it suddenly had atop it, written perfectly in gel frosting, "DONATE NOW TO THE NIGERIAN PRINCE FUND AND RECEIVE 5 MILLION DOLLARS!"

Celestia chucked the cake out the window. As well as the table. And maybe the rug...

The mare proceeded to throw every object conceivable out of the window, including the window itself.

Luna received a generous sum of $25 for spamming her sister.

Money in hoof, Luna silently thanked AdBotsRus, Spam-o-Matic, and IDBM (Short for InterDimensional Business Mechanics) for their help in raising money for her cause.

With that, the Princess of the Night now slept in peace.

That is, until...

"BUY SOME APPLES!" Squeaked a very familiar voice inside her head.

Author's Note

I regret nothing in writing this. :trollestia: