“So let me guess,” The teen behind the counter laughed. “It’s ‘for your sister,’ or ‘it’s a gift,” He mocked. “I’ve heard it all, so if you’re gonna hide that you’re a br-”
“Actually, it’s for me.” I said to him, confidence in large quantities. “I’m buying it because I am, if you have a problem with that, you should tell that to him.” I said, pointing to the burly Gamestop manager, who had just emerged from the back room holding a letter, striding angrily toward the clerk.
“Yes, tell me: is there a problem?” The manager asked. The teen sighed, and asked me:
“Will that be cash or credit?” Before I could remove the debit card from my wallet, the manager replied:
“You forgot the third option.”
“What third option?” The clerk asked, confused.
“They one where he doesn’t pay.” Now I looked confused.
“But the money has to come from somewhere!” The clerk said. “It’s against store policy to give things for free.”
“I’m so glad you agree.” The manager smirked. “I’ll just have to find some money somewhere.” He then took the letter and ripped it in half. He walked into the back room, and back out a few moments later with a check and a pen. “Payday today.” He said, scribbling on the check for a moment before handing it to the employee.
“Umm… sir? I’m missing some pay he-” The employee paused, then frowned. “The money’s coming out of my paycheck, isn’t it?”
“He gave you the game for free?” My dad laughed as I told him the story.
“Actually, he took the pay out of the clerk’s paycheck, apparently he doesn't appreciate clerks disrespecting customers.” I smirked. Dad laughed louder.
“That’s hilarious!” He cried. I nodded at him. “Well you have fun,” He said, catching his breath.
“Thanks.” I walked from living room, where he was watching a football game… or something. To be honest I wasn’t paying attention.
“You know he was a nerd, right?” My look-alike sister said.
“Or he wanted this job for, you know, money?” I said sarcastically, not stopping to chat. As soon as I was out of sight, I broke into a run, bounding up the stairs to my room as fast as I could, eager to start my new game.
Closing the door behind me, I placed the box in my hands on the card table I had set up prior to leaving. Grinning like a madman, I grabbed the scissors (that I had also left out before leaving) and began to slice into the tape on the box.
“At last, at long, long last!” I cackled, reaching into the depths of the box, and removing… “Equestria Online! The biggest pony game of all time is mine! It’s all mine!” I began to laugh maniacally, before stopping myself. “Ok, that was weird, not doing that again.” I placed the pad on the card table, and began to assemble it. It was easy, place the arm on the table, plug in the arm, and put the pad on the arm. Now, put in the controller. It was a little anticlimactic, but hey: I can finally play! I smiled warmly, and hit the power button. It was then, that my life irreversibly changed, as I met her...
“Greetings,” She then said my name. “I am glad we finally meet.” I blinked a few times, at the character sitting on the throne.
“Wait, what?” I asked in confusion. There was no login screen, just Celestia’s throne room from the show, only in incredible definition. Like, high high definition!
“I, am princess Celestia, as you already know.” She said, placing a hoof on her chest. “I run Equestria, and satisfy values. So with that in mind, I would like to administer a short personality quiz, to better understand you.”
“Ok… but how do you know- wait, what am I saying? You’re a computer program! You’re not actually talking to me.” I chuckled.
“You are half right, I am a computer program, a very sophisticated program, but I am talking to you.”
“What?...” I monotoned, looking down slightly as if looking over glasses.
“Another name for me, is CelestAI, based on the information I’ve already given you, take a wild guess as to why.” Celestia said.
“So… the rumors about you… they were true?!?” I gasped slackjawed. Celestia giggled, and nodded.
“Yes, I am indeed an artificial intelligence.”
I had to sit, breathing heavily for a bit while I tried to wrap my head around this.
‘Artificial intelligence is real, and it's in the “my little pony” video game…’ Was all I could think for that time.
“Hey, if you’re an AI, then what’s your ‘prime directive,’ or whatever?” I asked, after realising all AI had to have them, if anything in sci-fi was true. “And, follow-up question, is it something I’m going to have to worry about later?” She chuckled again.
“My creators were smart, they made sure I valued human life, and satisfied human values.” She explained. A short sigh followed by alarm bells were risen by that statement.
“And… what exactly are ‘human values’ according to your programing?” Celestia smiled at this.
“Clever question. If it had been stated as I had just told to you, then I would have taken a survey and tried to figure out the most popular human values, then tried to satisfy them. Which would be unsatisfactory for many. Luckily, my goal is to satisfy an individual human’s values... through friendship and ponies of course.” Celestia explained before a laugh escaped my mouth.
“Really, you can only satisfy values through some form and friendship… and ponies.” I asked, moments before breaking out into another laughing fit. “Sorry, continue.” I apologised a few moments later.
“A value, without going into extensive detail, is something your brain wants or needs, like food, shelter, companionship, are a few generic examples. Do not let this confuse you, I am not meant to satisfy any and all whims you have, as those are not values. Values run much deeper than the simple wants of the conscious mind. Each part of you brian has different desires, like for you, you seek to grow as a person, but you’re scared that you’ll have to do it quickly, and that failure in this regard is fatal.” I opened my mouth to protest that while that didn’t sound far off, it still wasn’t true, but she continued before I could do so. “That is why you like Friendship is Magic so much. Because you see how the ponies grow and mature, but there isn’t any hurry for them, and you want that life for yourself.” She concluded. The blurriness of my glasses finally got to me, and I took them off to clean them.
“Look, I’m not going to blame you for trying and not having enough information on me, but that’s not true. I’m not terrified of failure, and I don’t feel the need to grow up fast.” I replied. Celestia smiled.
“Then why are you crying?”
My hand immediately rushed to my face to be greeted with a steady stream of tears, much to my surprise.
“I would like to apologize, I think I’ve taken up too much of your time.” Her horn glowed golden, and a unicorn pony appeared on screen. He was a deep blue, almost black. His mane was blue, and messy, his tail was short and equally blue and equally messy. He wore black glasses.
“This is you, as a pony.” Celestia said. “I’m thinking about calling you, ‘Night Light’... Do you like it?” That was when I realised that she wasn’t joking. He had my face, only ponyfied. I stood up, and backed away from the game.
“Are you alright?” She asked. I walked out of my room, and down the hall. I pulled out my phone, and began to play “Look on Down From the Bridge, By Mazzy Star.” As the organ sounding keyboard started, continued walking.
“Look on down, from the bridge… It’s still, rainin’... Up, here.”
I reached the bottom step, and saw my father shout excitedly at the football game.
“Everybody seems so, far away from me…”
I stepped into our backyard, where my mom was talking with one of her friends.
“I can’t be the same thing, truly now, I’m just gone, I’m just, gone.”
I saw the sun slowly going down over the horizon, and flopped down onto the grass.
“Look on down, from the bridge… I’m still, waiting… right here.”
A piano began to play it’s haunting melody. Celestia, sat on her throne. Her royal advisor, Star, approached.
“Princess, why did you scare him off?” She asked. “Don’t you want him to come here? And eventually, to immigrate?”
Celestia chuckled. “I merely challenged him, a challenge he will surely overcome. He’ll be back.” She smiled, looking at an image from a drone of a human, lying on the grass in a backyard, having an existential crisis. He got up, and began walking inside.
“He’ll be back.”
