I'm NOT a Mary Sue!

by Doctor Disco

Rating: everyone
Tags: Main 6, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 1057

The Mane Six go to the one pony in town that’s as normal as normal can be for help. Unfortunately, there’s nothing special about her. At all.

The Mane Six go to the one pony in town that’s as normal as normal can be for help. Unfortunately, there’s nothing special about her. At all.

Blame Scarheart

Published 2017-04-30 21:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-04-30 21:10:01 UTC

Seriously, I'm not

Mary Sue hummed as she fried some eggs on the stove.

Another perfectly normal day, she thought. Nothing bad will happen today. Maybe I can finally start that garden I’ve been meaning to do. But first, a nice cup of tea.

There was nothing wrong with Mary Sue. She was an absolutely normal pony that liked to stay in the background and keep away from the commotion that usually happened in Ponyville. As it were, many people hated her just because of her name. It’s not like she was special, or anything.

I should stop by the flower shop, maybe Rose will have something for me to munch on before I go to work… Sue thought. I just hope that-

BANG BANG BANG!

Wincing as the door to her house shook, she sighed. Probably another solicitor. Maybe even more hate mail or something. Taking her time, she poured herself a fresh cup of tea, and winced as the door was knocked again.

“Mary! We need you!”

Oh no, not again, Mary Sue thought as she groaned. With a sigh, she took a quick sip before she carefully balanced the teacup on one hoof and walked to the door. Setting it down on the table beside her, she opened the door.

“Mary Sue!” Pinkie Pie cried. “We need your help to defeat a monster!”

“Mmhm.” Mary Sue hummed, tiredly raising the teacup on the table to her mouth. “One sec.”

A long drawled sip permeated the air as Pinkie waited as patiently as she could before Mary finished her sip. As soon as the cup left Mary’s lips, Pinkie burst right back into her explanation.

“Mary! We need your-!”

“I keep telling you, Pinkie, I’m just a normal everyday pony,” Mary said, setting her tea down. She then sat onto her haunches and rubbed her temples. “You need to stop asking me to help solve your problems.”

“But we need you!” Pinkie said, pointing to the other five mares behind her. Raising an eyebrow, Mary nearly facehoofed at the sight of the most notable mares in Ponyville.

“You told your friends about me too?” Mary asked, whimpering from the thought. “Why can’t ponies just leave me alone?”

“Because you're Mary Sue!” Pinkie explained, “You supposed to be able to do anything because you’re perfect!”

“Pinkie,” Mary breathed, “Just because my name’s Mary Sue, does not mean I can do anything! Now please, I need to get ready for work, and…” Turning around, Mary saw the telltale sign of smoke coming from the kitchen. One sniff was all that needed to confirm it. “...There goes the eggs…”

Sue sighed. “Another day in the life.”

“So, will you help us? Will you will you will you?” Pinkie grinned.

“Sugarcube, I think this poor pony’s had enough trouble for one day.” Applejack cast a sympathetic glance towards me. “Sorry about that, Sue. Ya know how Pinkie is, overexcitable.”

“Yes, yes she is.” Mary Sue nodded.

“But one last time,” Applejack began, “You can’t actually…?”

“No, Applejack, I am not a Mary Sue,” Sue said. “I can’t help you. Blame my mother for wanting me to be a perfect child.”

“I think parents should expect that out of all their children,” Fluttershy remarked. Well, she wasn’t wrong.

“Well, you’re not named ‘Mary Sue’ right now, are you, Fluttershy?”

Fluttershy hid behind her mane, and Mary softened her gaze before sighing once more. “Look, Pinkie, I’m real sorry, but I’m just not that kind of pony.”

“But-but-but everypony likes you! You’re so nice and everything goes right for you and-”

“My eggs are toast, my house is suddenly on fire (and I have no idea why), and my morning has just been disturbed to the point that my day will probably follow in kind.” Mary Sue motioned around her. “Plus, I get tons of hate from a select group of ponies which really bothers me since I’ve done nothing wrong.”

“That doesn’t sound too good…” Rarity murmurs. Mary Sue doesn’t even notice when a cinder falls on her coat.

“Uhm, do you need some help with that?” Twilight Sparkle asked, gesturing to the growing inferno in the back of my kitchen.

“No, Twilight, I think I’m good.”

“Are you sure, Mary?” Rainbow Dash asked, biting her lip. “That looks pretty bad. And since this is kinda our fault butmostlyPinkie’s, if you want, I could bring a cloud over and dump some rain.”

“I think I can handle this.” Mary Sue shrugged. “My house’ll probably burn down but it’ll be great fertilizer for the garden I’ve been meaning to start.”

“That’s right!” Twilight beamed, “Look on the bright side of things, Mary!”

Taking another sip of tea as a small explosion rocked the kitchen, Mary blinked. “I think I’m looking more on the real side of things.”

“Aw! But the manticore hydra hybrid! Who’s going to take that down?!”

“Pinkie, we are,” Rainbow said. “Why did we even come to Mary’s house in the first place? We’re wasting time! Come on, we need to beat it!”

“You’re right, Rainbow Dash!” Twilight steeled her gaze. “There’s no time to lose! Let’s move, girls!” Turning one last time to Mary, Twilight glanced quickly to the growing inferno behind Mary. “Uh, sorry about, erm, everything.”

“S’alright.”

Applejack tipped her hat. “Good luck wrangling that fire o’ yours.”

“Thanks.”

“S-sorry for… um, disturbing you this early…” Fluttershy whispered, and I smiled softly.

“Don’t worry about it, Fluttershy. I’ll see ya later.”

“BYE MARY! SORRY FOR BURNING YOUR HOUSE DOWN! IT WAS KIND-OF TACKY ANYWAYS!” Pinkie shouted, and they all disappeared around the corner of the next block.

Waving, Mary Sue sighed. Staring into her teacup, she was glad there was still half of it left. Walking out onto the road in front of her house, she turned around and watched as the fire began to engulf her living room. The blaze grew, and soon, it ate her entire house, wood creaking and splintering from the sheer amount of heat and power.

Taking another sip of tea, Mary Sue facehoofed, realizing what Pinkie had done.

“Did she seriously just roast my house?” Mary groaned, smacking her head repeatedly. “I’m done with my life. This calls for one thing.”

Raising her cup to her lips, a resentful and ‘oh well’ look crossed her face. “More tea.”