Bearing the Weight

by JackRipper

Rating: teen
Tags: Rarity, Sweetie Belle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Sad, Drama, Cutie Mark Crusaders
Length: 1671

Sweetie Belle wants to be just like her sister, as beautiful as she is, but she doesn't know how much danger she's in.

I just wanted to be as beautiful as my sister. She told me that I was still young, and that it was normal to be pudgy at my age, but I disagreed. She was angelic compared to, whatever I was. I knew that she kept her slim figure by eating less, so I tried to follow suit.

I'm so tired all the time and I feel like I can hardly support my own weight, I get stared at when I'm at school and Rarity is becoming more anxious around me.

What did I do wrong? Why didn't I look like her? Why was I still so... ugly?

Contains heavy themes, be warned.
A re-written version of the original, by Evictus.
Cover art by NyonHyon on Deviantart.

Published 2017-05-02 18:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-05-02 18:00:01 UTC

There's more to beauty than how you look.

Author's Note

This is a re-write of the story Refusing to Eat, by Evictus.

I'm writing this as a gift to him, in the hope that he can see what his stories could look like with a bit more dedication. I'm not the best writer on this site, but I still feel like he could be a great author with the drive he has if he just applied himself. Feel free to leave comments below, I always welcome the critism. :twilightsmile:

There's more to beauty than how you look.

"What? Why are you two looking at me like that?" I sputtered, quickly becoming annoyed at the look Apple Bloom and Scootaloo were giving me.

Apple Bloom's mouth parted slightly before closing again, almost as if she was being cautious with her word-choice. She looked to Scootaloo for assistance, who only shrugged as she continued to eat her sandwich. After a pregnant pause, she spoke.

"We're worried about ya Sweetie, lately you've been looking more..." Apple Bloom trailed off.

"Pale?" Scootaloo offered as she swallowed the rest of her lunch.

I grumbled in frustration, "My coat is white, you ditz."

Scootaloo visibly flinched, as if I'd reached out and struck her in the face, "Not like that, Sweetie. You just seem kind of... well, lifeless."

"I'm fine," I replied curtly, not making eye contact with either of them. I didn't understand why they were being so persistent. Sure, I was tired, but so was everypony else. It was a Monday for Celestia's sake. It wasn't as if there was anything wrong with me.

"Now what's with the snappy attitude, Sweetie? You know Scootaloo didn't mean nothin' by it," Apple Bloom retorted, causing me to sigh heavily.

I didn't want to hurt either of them, I didn't have the energy to argue either way.

"I know," I replied softly, "I'm just tired, I guess. I feel kind of sick."

"Maybe ya should talk to Ms. Cheerilee and head home early? Get some rest or somethin'?" Apple Bloom suggested.

"You might want to eat something too," Scootaloo added, "Rainbow Dash said that you can feel sick if you don't have a proper diet."

I blanched at the thought of eating any more than I had to. I already knew that I was a little pudgy, and eating any more wouldn't help me with that particular problem.

"I already had enough, Scootaloo. I appreciate it though," I said as I forced myself to smile. She seemed to buy it too, because I received a genuine smile for my effort. Apple Bloom, on the other hoof, seemed a little less convinced, as she bit down on an apple and eyed me wearily.

"C'mon, Ah think lunch is almost over," Apple Bloom said as she beckoned the two of us to follow her. I felt the smile leave my face as soon as I stood up to follow her, it was just a weak façade, after all.

I wouldn't want them to worry, it would only make me feel guilty, too.

I sat in my room as I listened to Rarity hum a song in the kitchen, I would have stayed in the living room so that I could hear her singing voice better, but then I'd have to smell the food she was making, I'd become nauseated from the aroma.

She had the voice of an angel, whereas my voice sounded something akin to a broken record. I never understood how she did it, how she could spontaneously burst into song and never miss a beat. Meanwhile, my voice cracked when I tried to speak normally. That wasn't the only thing she had going for her, either.

Rumble would ogle Diamond Tiara once in awhile when he thought she wasn't looking. She was, of course, but he never looked at me like that. He would just look sad, or afraid? I guess? Rarity, on the other hoof, made every stallion in town swoon. She deserved it too, with how well she catered to herself, but I didn't get it.

I was her sister, after all. Heck, I even looked a lot like her. The only thing I could remember was the way she restrained herself from gorging on the food she ate. It was something that I had only recently gotten better at.

"A lady must always watch her figure," I'd hear her say.

I heaved another sigh. I didn't want to look at the mirror, I'd probably just see something I wouldn't like again.

"Sweetie! Dinner is ready! I made pasta!" Rarity called out from across the hall in a sing-song voice.

I gulped audibly, "Let's just, get this over with, I guess," I muttered to myself as I walked out into the hall.

I was more interested in eyeing the decadent decor of the boutique than actually touching anything on my plate. I did my best not to look visibly repulsed as I picked at a piece of stray broccoli that Rarity had put in the dish. I wasn't stupid, a carbohydrate-based meal like this was probably something Rarity thought of. Was she trying to fatten me up even more? What was her plan?

"Sweetie," Rarity said softly as I continued to pick at my meal. I promptly ignored her, this wasn't the first time she tried to make fun of me for the way I acted at the dinner table. My disgust was becoming more visibly apparent by the second.

"Sweetie Belle, why aren't you eating your food?" Rarity continued, her voice wavering slightly.

I huffed as I put the fork down, "I am eating my food, Rarity."

Rarity adopted an unpleasant frown on her face as I continued to eye the food with utmost ennui, "You've barely eaten anything darling, except the broccoli. What's gotten into you? Just a few months ago I had to chastise you for nearly sticking your face in the bowl."

"Well, I don't see you eating anything!" I retorted lamely, hearing my own voice rise. I was shocked that it actually physically hurt to shout at her.

"That's because I was talking to you, dear," Rarity deadpanned, while levitating her bowl so that I could see inside of it. There was hardly any food remaining.

"What does it matter to you, anyway? You're not mom," I muttered darkly, causing Rarity to stand up from her chair.

"Sweetie Belle!" Rarity shouted, slamming her hoof down on the table as she said my name. I flinched at her sudden outburst, but my reaction was delayed by a second or two, causing Rarity to tear up.

"You're not even all there, are you?"

I was dumbfounded, she had gone from furious to heartbroken in under a second, "Wh-what?" I managed to stutter out.

"Sweetie Belle," Rarity said softly as the tears began to softly drip down her cheeks. She was so pretty... even when she was sad. Unlike me in every way, I suppose.

"You're going to kill yourself at this rate. I don't want to order a bucking coffin for a child."

My mind was reeling, I didn't understand what she was talking about. I was completely aghast, never in my life had I heard Rarity swear before. How was I going to die? What was I doing wrong? I felt myself begin to tear up, seeing the state my sister was in.

"R-Rarity, w-what's wrong with me?" I managed to say while starting to choke up.

She sighed a little, and gently embraced me, "Come with me to my room, I want you to take a look in the mirror with me."

I felt myself begin to shake as we walked toward her room, I couldn't handle this, not right now. "R-Rarity," I managed to squeak out in apprehension.

"Sweetheart, it's alright. There's nothing to be afraid of," Rarity cooed gently in my ear.

She was wrong, there was something to be afraid of. I stared at the mirror hanging above her dresser, but what stared back at me wasn't myself. Rather, an overweight and grotesque abomination that nothing could ever love. I broke down and began sobbing into Rarity's coat.

"What do you see, Sweetie Belle?" Rarity asked me softly.

"S-s-some f-filthy, d-d-disgusting monster," I replied weakly.

"Sweetie Belle," Rarity began to say, "You are beautiful in every way. From your wonderful smile to your never-ending optimism. You aren't just a cute young girl, you are a beautiful mare who's going to go far in this world, farther than me, even."

I felt myself gasping for breath as Rarity gently rocked me back and forth just like mommy used to, "You're not well right now, Sweetie Belle. You're nothing but skin and bones, and you look so weak that I worry that I might hurt you just from holding you. What you see in the mirror, that isn't you, Sweetie."

"I-I-I just w-wanted to be like m-my big sister," I moaned as I buried my head into her shoulder, muffling my sobs that didn't cease.

"I don't want you to be like me, Sweetie. I want you to be better than me, better in every way. It's alright to compare yourself to somepony else, but you're going to destroy your own sense of identity if you try to be somepony other than yourself. Your uniqueness is what makes you, well, you. That's the one thing you have over anypony else, is that they're never going to be you," Rarity paused to gently kiss me on the head.

"And it should never be any other way."

My crying had stopped for the most part, the pain I had felt while simply standing near the mirror hadn't disappeared, but it felt much fainter. I looked up into Rarity's sapphire-blue eyes, and I knew, my sister was going to help me, even if I hadn't realized how much I needed it.

"I love you, big sister."

I felt her hooves wrap around my body, "I love you more than anything in the world, Sweetie Belle."