Burnonomics

by Syeekoh

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark, Sonata Dusk, Equestria Girls, Aria Blaze, Sugarcoat, Random
Length: 1012

Sonata attempts to help Aria with her hand cramps with unexpected results.

Aria’s hand is cramping up at her workspace, so Sonata tries to improve the ergonomic positioning of her desk.

…that doesn’t quite happen.

Preread by Waterpear!

Based on an idea from Posh. Poor soul had no idea what he was getting into.

Published 2017-05-01 02:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-05-01 02:00:01 UTC

Burn it Down

Aria Blaze attempted to massage the crick out of her hand, but it was to no avail. Something about operating the desktop computer just wouldn’t let her hand know peace. She sighed and focused back on the monitor when a familiar reflection caused a sneer to form from her lips.

“Sonata, go away,” she said as she focused on her work, slight cringes intermittently appearing on her face as she typed, “I’m really not in the mood to talk right now.”

“You seem to be having some hand trouble there, Ari.” Sonata clucked her tongue.

“What of it?” Aria asked, the staccato rhythm of the keyboard accompanying her words.

Her sister hummed plastically. “I’d suggest you check out a dating website if your hand is cramping up that much.”

Aria growled as she hit the return key and continued typing. “It’s not that, you psychotic pervert.”

She felt a hand on her shoulder and a slight chuckle originate from behind her. “I wouldn’t call burning down an animal shelter so that you end up in heaven with a bunch of puppies psychotic.”

“I would.” Aria shrugged the hand off and winced. “Especially when you chain yourself to a radiator after starting the blaze.”

“Look,” Sonata said, “you wouldn’t know this first-hand because you haven’t tried to immolate yourself several times, but fire hurts and I didn’t want to risk reflexively putting myself out.”

“And where did that get you?” Aria asked as her fingers expertly tapped on the keys. “Naked and surrounded by dead puppies.” She grunted as she operated the mouse and clicked it. Aria then swiveled her chair around to face her sister, who wore an artificial smile. “Now that I sent that off to my editor, why are you bothering me?”

Sonata winked and wiggled her hand. “I actually was watching you writhe in pain, at first envious of your ability to feel anything, and then,” she said as she eased Aria out of the way of the desk in order to examine it, “and then I thought that maybe I could put those design classes you signed me up for to good use.”

“Don’t get melo―” Aria started, before her jaw relaxed and her eyes widened. “You’re actually going to those?” She gnarred before rolling her eyes. “At least you’re better than Adagio, going off to random exotic places and seducing the locals.”

“Now, now,” Sonata said as she visually perused Aria’s workspace, “we don’t know exactly what Dagi’s doing in Marejorca. She could be―okay, I see―she could be visiting local landmarks and historical sites.”

Aria snorted and looked to the side. “I doubt that, knowing her. She’s probably swallowing―”

“Her pride through addictive physical sensations, just as I’ve descended into a space where I experience no emotions at all and can only resist attempting to kill myself when I remind myself of all the previous times that it didn’t work.” Sonata sighed and gripped the edges of the desk. “Okay, I can see why your hand is cramping up. The ergonomics of your workspace is all wrong.”

Aria blinked, then raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean, the ergonomics are all wrong? This is literally how everyone in the world sits at a desk.”

“Well, obviously,” Sonata said as she clasped her hands together, “it’s not working for you. Now who are you going to trust? Those random yahoos in stock photos, or your sister who developed suicidal ideations after losing her ability to feed on hatred who’s specifically going to school for this sort of thing?”

“You drive such a hard bargain,” Aria said before she rolled her eyes again.

Sonata smiled widely. “Seriously, though, I’ll have this fixed up in a jiffy.”

Sonata and Aria watched as Crystal Preparatory High School engulfed itself in flames.

Aria stared at the conflagration, her eyes as wide as saucers.

Sonata opened her mouth, then closed it. She then raised a finger.

“I have no clue how we arrived at this juncture,” Sonata said.

Aria growled. “I might have a clue―Sonata, no,” she said as she grabbed Sonata’s ponytail. “Don’t jump into the fire. You’ll just end up naked and talking to the police like all the other times.”

Sonata blushed and let out a weak chuckle. “R-right. Fire bad.”

“I had a paper to hand in today.”

Sonata and Aria’s heads turned to face the source of the voice, who was a relatively young woman with orange glasses and flowing white twintails. She stared at the blaze with a stone-faced expression, then turned her gaze to the two sisters who looked like the cat who ate the canary. “Did you burn down the school?”

“I was trying to create an ergonomically advantageous workspace for my sister!”

Aria buried her face in her hands as Sonata glared at the young girl with balled-up fists, her breaths shallow.

The girl turned back to face the blaze. “No, it’s fine. I couldn’t finish it in time, so I was going to ask for an extension. You just arranged that for me.”

Aria and Sonata relaxed their postures and exchanged glances, then looked back at the increasingly strange girl.

“Sugarcoat,” she said, “and thank you. I hate asking for extensions. Makes me look irresponsible.”

Sonata pursed her lips while Aria sighed disapprovingly. Sonata then walked up to Sugarcoat and offered her hand, a charming grin on her face. “Hi! I’m Sonata.” She chuckled. “I like lighting myself on fire.” Aria audibly groaned.

Sugarcoat licked her teeth, then tentatively grasped Sonata’s hand and gave it a firm shake. “Um, I like burgers.”

Sonata looked back at Aria who shook her head vigorously, then faced Sugarcoat again. “Okay, let’s do your thing before the fire department shows up and starts asking questions.”

“Fine by me,” Sugarcoat said with a shrug. “Follow me. I know this great burger joint.”

“Okey-dokey!” Sonata said as she followed Sugarcoat away from the vicious blaze. Aria followed as well, clenching a fist before it cramped up again, causing her to swear before massaging it.