Pajama Problems

by Captain_Hairball

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Starlight Glimmer, Maud Pie, Sex, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 4248

Starlight Glimmer is apocalyptically bad at relationships. Can she get through her first time making love with Maud without ruining everything? No. Of course she can’t.

Starlight Glimmer is apocalyptically bad at relationships. Can she get through her first time making love with Maud without ruining everything?

No. Of course she can’t.

Contains spoilers for S07E04: Rock Solid Friendship

Erotic romance. Contains relationship drama, prim pajama fetish (no, seriously), lesbian horse sex, masturbation, childish jokes about watersports, and brief, imaginary incest.

Published 2017-05-01 14:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-05-01 14:00:01 UTC

Chapter 1

“No, I’m excited, too,” said Starlight Glimmer. “I mean… it’s our first time together. It’s just… Do we have to wear the pajamas?”

Maud Pie blinked at Starlight. “I like prim pajamas. I have a prim pajamas fetish.”

Starlight sighed, and plucked at the itchy woolen fabric of the dock-to-neck romper Maud had asked her to put on. They hadn’t even changed together!

“How do you even have sex in these?” said Starlight.

Maud blinked at her. “It’s more of a cuddling thing, really.”

“Ooooh,” said Starlight. “That makes more sense. I guess.”

She laid on her side on the bed in Maud’s underground bower. Actually it was a fold-out hide-a-bed, presumably purchased at Quills and Sofas, the only furniture store in town. Its metal springs creaked underneath her weight. Maud laid down next to her. And laid still. Legs stiff, poking against Starlight’s barrel. Starring at her. Starlight looked down at Maud’s wool-covered hooves. She stroked one. Maud didn’t move. She looked into Maud’s eyes. Maud’s face was expressionless.

Starlight’s heart began to beat faster. And not in a good way. What the hell was this? What was she supposed to do? Was Maud enjoying this? Was she supposed to enjoy this?

“Errrrrm…” said Starlight. “So… now what?”

Maud blinked at her. “Does there need to be anything else?”

Starlight bit her lower lip. The feeling she was feeling right now was called hyperarousal, or, more colloquially, the ‘fight or flight’ response. It was an automatic response to extreme stress, and it was a very, very dangerous thing for Starlight to be feeling. Starlight was not a sexually inexperienced mare. She had slept with sirens, she’d been gang-banged by griffons. She’d peed on princesses, she’d dallied with dragons — well, a dragon — and had sex inside of a live manticore. But she had never, ever encountered anything like this. She was starting to panic, and when Starlight panicked, shit got wrecked.

Maud pulled her hooves back. “You’re not happy.”

Starlight gritted her teeth. “No. I’m fine. Fine.”

Maud’s lovely, glossy gray lips twitched downwards at the corners ever so slightly. “No, I’m not super good at facial expressions, but I know happy pretty well. That’s not a happy face.”

Starlight hissed, and rolled onto her back, and covered her eyes with her hooves. “No! Okay, I’m not. I’m not happy. I came down here to have sex with you, and then I get hit with… with this pajama shit. Which is extremely hot. If you’re turned on by boring. Which I’m not.”

Maud sat up. The hide-a-bed creaked underneath her. “If you’re not turned on by boring, then why are you interested in me?”

Starlight hopped off the bed, teleported her pajamas off her body, and tossed them in a heap on the floor. “I’m interested in you because you’re weird. I like weird things. I fancy myself a pretty weird pony. I like to keep weird ponies around me. But this. This isn’t weird. This is…” She bit her tongue. Like, literally bit her tongue to keep herself from saying something incredibly cruel. Crueler than what she’d already said, which was up there.

“You think I’m weird?” said Maud.

“That’s one word for it,” said Starlight, letting go of her tongue. That had hurt. She’d better not do that again.

“I like weird rocks,” said Maud.

“What?” said Starlight, opening her mouth and tilting her head to one side.

“I find new and interesting ones and bring them back to study. Mostly I donate them to museums, but I keep some of them. Some of them have souls, and I keep those as friends. Like Boulder. But others are just rocks. Rocks and minerals. I have a collection. I’m having it shipped here from Rockville.”

“What,” hissed Starlight, “is your point?”

“My point is that I don’t want to be part of your collection.”

A burning flower of rage blossomed in Starlight’s heart. “Oh you don’t do you? Well, I don’t want you anyway. I thought you were somepony unique. Somepony interesting. You’re not. You’re pathetic.”

Unlike Maud, Starlight was extremely good at reading faces. It was a useful skill. So it was easy for Starlight to notice the subtle signs of a pony trying very hard not to cry.

“Please leave my home,” said Maud.

Starlight turned, and walked calmly into Maud’s gem studded foyer, up the crude stairs Maud had started carving, out of the cave, and into the forest.

Well.

Realization hit Starlight with the cool night air. She’d fucked up. She’d fucked up hard. She’d broken something beautiful and unexpectedly fragile. Like a geode or something; Starlight didn’t know. Maud would know if geodes were fragile. And now she'd never be able to ask. Tears started to squirt down Starlight’s cheeks. So much for Twilight’s friendship bullshit. So much for being ‘reformed’. Evil is as evil does.

Starlight formed a pair of crude wings out of sheets of magical energy, heated the air around her hooves to create an updraft, and launched herself into the night sky. She spun in a circle over the long thin spur of the Whitetail Woods, getting her bearings. Her studies under Twilight had hardly been wasted. The princess was young and naive, and had allowed Starlight free access to her libraries. Starlight now knew the locations of a number of powerful magical artifacts. Obtaining them would be simple, and then…

“Starlight, what are you doing?”

Starlight froze in midair, and turned to Twilight, hiding her hooves behind her back. “Oh, nothing, Twilight. Just out for a flight,” she said, grinning ingenuously.

Twilight hung in the air before her, flapping slowly on powerful, elegant alicorn wings. She could just hover there forever, floating on the lightest of air currents and… Starlight didn’t know, divine grace or something. Meanwhile, Starlight was having to fold gravity around herself to keep from plummeting to the earth, an inefficient process that was rapidly draining her magical reserves.

“I noticed some unusual levels of magical activity in the area,” said Twilight. “So I popped over to have a lookie. Is everything okay, Starlight?”

Starlight gulped. “Everything’s fine. Just fine.” She tried to stay calm, but her voice cracked. Stupid feelings.

“Uh huh,” said Twilight. “Just as I thought.”

There was a flash of purple light, and they were sitting at the big marble prep table in the kitchen of Twilight’s palace. Spike shrieked and jumped, dropping the armload of cupcakes he’d been his way out the door with.

“Equus, Twilight,” he said, scooping up cupcakes as fast as he could in a desperate bid to make the five second rule, “Stop sneaking up on me like that!”

“Sorry Spike! Friendship emergency! We need two quarts of chocolate ice cream, stat!”

———

“Feelings,” observed Starlight, pushing her spoon through the last drops of melted ice cream at the bottom of her quart. “Taste like chocolate.”

“So they’re not so bad, right?” said Twilight, levitating up a napkin to daub her face clean.

“I don’t know. I really bucked this up, didn’t I?”

Twilight nodded. “Yeah, you were extra special super mean.”

“I’m evil,” said Starlight, pushing aide her carton and laying her face on the table.

“You’re not evil,” said Twilight. “I mean, even on the scale of evil things you’ve done, this is pretty far down there. It’s pretty far down there on the scale of evil things I’ve done.”

“I called her pathetic.”

“I mind controlled a whole town to compensate for my emotional inadequacies,” said Twilight.

Starlight quirked an eyebrow and looked over at Twilight. “Really? Are we going there? Because I did that for longer.”

“My point is that everypony says awful things to the ponies they love sometimes. It sucks. It’s never worth it. You should try never to do it again. But it happens. Don’t beat yourself up.”

Starlight raised her head off the table. “Wait, what’s up with the L-word? I never used the L-word. Why are we using the L-word?”

Twilight smirked and put her head in her hooves. “Because the Starlight who peed in my mouth one night was all business the next day.”

“You two did what?” shouted Spike. “Oh, I did not need to hear that!”

“Well why are you even still here! Go back to bed!” Shouted Twilight, waving her hooves.

“Don’t have to ask me twice,” staid Spike, hefting his second round of cupcakes.

Twilight turned back to Starlight. “And when I said I never, ever wanted to do that again, you just took it in stride and we never talked about it again.”

“Until just now,” said Starlight.

“Right. My point is, this stuff normally rolls right off you like an uncharged solute off a phospholipid bilayer. You’d think a disappointing sexual encounter would be something Glim Glam could totally deal with, no problem.”

Starlight grunted. “It wasn’t that bad.”

“So. My hypothesis is you have feelings for Maud.” Twilight grinned.

“Oh no,” said Starlight.

“Yep. I think you’re in love. I mean, I’ve never been in love, but you’re exhibiting all the symptoms. Dilated pupils, wild mood swings, irrational behavior.” Twilight narrowed her eyes. “Either that or you're on drugs. Starlight, have you started doing drugs?”

Started doing drugs? Starlight ignored that. “No!” Starlight gasped. “I just met her!”

Twilight nodded. “Love at first sight. It’s supposed to be very romantic.”

Starlight shivered. Out of all the bad things that could happen to her, this was the worst possible thing. “So what do I do?”

Twilight magically evaporated the chocolate stains on the tabletop in front of her, and summoned a paper and quill. “Friendship assignment! ‘I, Starlight Glimmer, will attempt to apologize to Maud Pie, and salvage as much as I can of the relationship.’ Good luck with that. You picked a tough one.”

“Aspirational. Thanks.”

Twilight looked up from writing. “Oh poop, Pinkie’s the only Rockville Pie you’ve met, isn’t she? She might’ve given you a wrong impression of what her sisters are like.”

“All crazy? No, I got that.”

Twilight shook her head. “No! Well, I mean, yes, they are all pretty eccentric, but they also had an incredibly hard time growing up. Their parents are very strict, and very conservative — not abusive, I don’t mean to imply that. But strict. And worse, they were poor. So poor! I’ve done my best to make things easier for them — as much as I can without embarrassing them; they’re a very proud family. But I can’t undo the past.”

Starlight’s eyes narrowed. The corners of her mouth twitched upwards. “Well, actually…”

“No, Starlight.”

“I’m just pulling your leg. So. Foalhood trauma. Got it.”

“You can do it. I believe in you,” said Twilight, resuming writing. “‘Extra Credit: In the event of exceptional success, share any juicy details with HRH Twilight Sparkle.’”

“Twilight, even I don’t think that would be appropriate.”

“Just pulling your leg,” said Twilight, folding the note in half and pushing it towards Starlight. “Go get some sleep, and get on this in the morning.”

Starlight took the paper in her magic, and slid it into the small pocket dimension she used as a purse. “I don’t know if I’m going to be able to sleep, but I’ll try. Good night, Twilight.” Starlight slid off of her stool and headed for the stairs.

“Oh, before I forget. One more thing,” said Twilight. “I’ve noticed you’ve been looking up the locations of powerful magical artifacts in my library. That’s fine. It's a really interesting topic. But I also know it’s tempting to revert to old patterns of behavior when under stress. So, you know, if you’re ever in a bad mood, and think you might like to try looking for one of those things? Don’t. Just don’t. Okay?”

Starlight cringed. Busted. Twilight was a pretty sharp kid.

Chapter 2

Starlight got off the train at Ghastly Gorge and headed for Maud’s dig site. She could have just teleported over, but she’d needed time to think. She walked off the platform, tail flicking at the flies landing on her cutie marks. The early summer sun beat down on her, unblocked by shade or cloud, and reflected by the pale-colored rock and dirt around her. Within half a kilometer, she was soaked with sweat, and had an aggressive case of swamp butt. There must be some pretty amazing rocks out here, for Maud to set up down this way.

She found Maud under an awning near a freshly dug mine, looking at fragments of stone though a jeweler's loup and taking notes in a journal. Maud seemed unfazed by the heat and the flies. Her sapphire eyes, melancholy yet serene, darted back and forth as she wrote. Her coverall lay loosely over her body, suggesting a bountiful figure not unlike her sister’s, but strengthened and hardened by a more physically demanding profession. Noticing Starlight’s approach, she took off her eyepiece and set it and her pencil down next to Boulder.

“Doctor Pie, I presume,” said Starlight.

“Yes,” said Maud.

Starlight walked over to stand next to Maud under the awning. It was a small awning, and standing there put her at the edge of Maud’s personal space, but Starlight could not take another second in that miserable sun.

Maud glanced up at her, eyes slanted inward ever so slightly. “Please don’t loom over me like that.”

“I’m sorry, I…” Starlight stammered.

Maud cut her off without raising her voice. “You can sit down. I’m not that mad at you.”

Starlight blinked. She sat down, folding her legs under her. “Oh, that’s a relief, because I…”

“I’m extremely mad at you. Just not so mad that I can’t stand to be in your presence.”

“Oh.”

“Just don’t push it.”

Maud took her pencil in her mouth, and resumed writing.

Starlight stared at her, dumbstruck. Was she being ignored? Nothing made Starlight angrier than being ignored, and… no. Deep breaths. It wasn’t worth it. She just needed this for the friendship lesson. So. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Maud spat her pencil out. “No.” She glanced over at Boulder, and sighed. “But Boulder says we should.”

“Okay. I’m sorry I flipped out. So sorry.”

Maud stared at her. “You did flip out. Drastically.”

“And I’m sorry I called you weird. And… that other thing I called you.”

“Pathetic.”

“Yeah, that.”

"That really hurt."

"I know," said Starlight.

"A lot," said Maud.

Starlight began to squirm visibly. "I know, and I'm really sorry. I'm evil. Can you ever forgive me?"

Maud stared at her for an uncomfortably long time, then nodded once. “Okay. I forgive you.”

Starlight raised an eyebrow. “That’s it?”

“I don’t like talking about my feelings, remember?”

“Right. Me too,” said Starlight.

“We’re not done, though.”

“What?” said Starlight? Oh, come on!

Maud closed her eyes. “The next part is mine. I lied to you.”

Starlight's head reared back. Nopony lied to Starlight Glimmer! Why she ought to… No. Wait. She needed to give that a rest. “You lied to me?”

“Yes. Twice. Once directly, once by omission,” said Maud. “The first one is when I said I have a prim pajama fetish. I don’t. Nopony does. That’s ridiculous.”

“Okay,” said Starlight, looking at Maud sidelong. “So why did you tell me you did? And why did we have to put on pajamas?”

“I’m very self-conscious about my body. Also, on a related note, the other lie is that I didn’t tell you I’m a virgin.”

Well. That explained everything. “Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t ask! I just assumed. You seemed so confident! So flirty!” She reached out for Maud’s foreleg with her hooves then hesitated. “If I’d known…”

“You’d have treated me differently. That’s what I was afraid of. I was interested in you. I liked you. You’re wittier than me, smarter than me, more powerful than me. You’re pretty hot, for an old lady. The moment I saw you, I decided I wanted you to be my first. And… I know I’m hard to read. I also know that if I don’t project any obvious emotions, ponies tend to see what they want to see in my face. You wanted to see a ready and experienced young slut. So.”

Starlight had to admit that was something she'd wanted to see. That was something she pretty much always wanted to see.

Maud glanced at Starlight’s hooves. “It’s okay for you to touch me. If you still want to.”

Starlight laid her hooves on Maud’s foreleg. Maud looked at them as if she wasn’t sure what to do with them. She reached out with her other hoof and adjusted them a little, then gave up, stood up, walked around until she was parallel with Starlight, and sat down again. She rubbed her cheek against Starlight’s. Starlight groaned softly, and titled her head so she could kiss Maud.

Maud’s kiss was restrained, slow, but there was an eagerness, a longing in it that it was impossible to express in words. Their tongues moved just outside their mouths, advancing, fencing, retreating. Starlight’s heart began to hammer, in a good way this time. Starlight’s loins pounded with need. She had to have Maud, and she had to have her now. She broke the kiss, leaving Maud’s mouth dripping spit, and nipped at her jaw, her cheek her neck.

Maud stood up. and stepped back. Then she stepped close again. Starlight looked up at her, sad. She’d fucked up again, hadn’t she?

“I’m sorry,” said Maud.

“No. I’m moving too fast, aren’t I? We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” said Starlight. It was the hardest thing she’d ever said.

Maud sat down again. “I want to.” She nuzzled Starlight’s cheek. “There’s more to the pajama thing, if you want to hear it.”

Starlight raised an eyebrow. “Is it hot?”

“I don’t know,” said Maud. “When I was young, I slept in one bed with all three of my sisters. We all wore the same gray wool pajamas. It wasn’t too bad when I was little. But I never had any privacy. So when my body started to change… things were hard.”

“Oh, that’s terrible!” She leaned forward, that familiar evil smile coming back to her face. “What did you do if you needed to… you know… take care of things?”

“I had to be quiet.”

Starlight kissed Maud again, sucking on her bottom lip then letting it go with a pop. “Details, young lady.”

“I slept on the edge of the bed. If I rolled onto my side, I could brace my head against the headboard and my hooves against the hoofboard, so I didn’t shake the bed too much.”

“Short bed,” said Starlight, rolling onto her side so she could cross her thighs and rub them together.

“It was a foal’s bed. Too small for four teenage mares,” said Maud.

“I bet,” said Starlight, grinning. “Then what did you do?”

“I’d wait for a little while, to make sure I hadn’t woken any of them up. Then I’d slide my hoof slowly down my belly. Over the rough woolen fabric. Down between my hind legs.”

Starlight bit how lower lip and groaned. “Do you mind if I…”

Maud shook her head. “No, not at all.”

Starlight spread her legs, and slipped two tendrils of magic inside herself, going as deep into her ass and her pussy as she could without injuring herself. Then she started to expand them. Maud’s eyes widened as she watched glowing light open Starlight’s body.

“I’ve never seen the inside of one, before,” said Maud.

“Story. Dirty story. Keep going,” gasped Starlight.

“I don’t know how to describe it,” said Maud.

“For buck’s sake I just want to hear your pretty little voice saying gutter words! Go crazy!” whined Starlight, arching with frustration.

“Okay. I’d push my hoof against my pussy, and move it in circles. The wool was rough and itchy. It hurt. But it also felt too good to stop.”

“Mnnngh!” moaned Starlight, jamming a ram of magical energy against her cervix.

“But if my sisters moved, or made a noise, I would have to stop.”

“Oh…” hissed Starlight, stretching open her own holes to the point where it was painful. “It must’ve been agony.”

“It was,” said Maud. “Lying there. Listening to them breathe. Wanting to come. But not daring to move until I was sure my sisters were asleep again.”

Starlight closed her eyes, envisioning four strapping, wholesome teenage farm fillies crammed into one tiny bed, curvaceous bodies squished together. In her fantasy, they all knew that Maud was masturbating, but didn’t dare say anything. They could only lie there, too embarrassed to speak, hoping that she’d finish before too long. Starlight envisioned Pinkie — dressed in blue pajamas with pink polka dots for some reason — rolling over and sliding a hoof down Maud’s belly, her sister’s eyes going saucer-like as Pinkie reached in between her legs…

“Yes!” squealed Starlight, arching her back spasmodically, mare goo spraying out from around her magical dildos, eyes rolling up into her head.

Maud wiped a droplet of mare goo off her nose, looked at it, and wiped it on the ground “Shit. Piss. Fuck. Cunt. Cocksucker. Motherfucker. Teats,” she said. She'd clearly run out of material somewhere in the middle of Starlight’s fantasy.

“You can stop now,” said Starlight, waving a hoof at Maud.

“Was it good for you?” said Maud.

“Fabulous,” said Starlight, looking over at Maud slyly. “What do you say to teleporting back to your place for a little nooner? I think I’ve figured out how to handle the pajama thing.”

———

Maud stood before Starlight in her prim pajamas again. Starlight was reclining naked on the hide-a-bed — there was no way she was getting back into one of those wretched woolen abominations.

“How do you feel?” said Starlight.

“Itchy,” said Maud.

“And yet I’m guessing every time you’ve ever come, you’ve been in those pajamas.”

“Not this exact pair,” said Maud.

Starlight tapped her hoof on the bed next to her. Maud moved towards her obediently, climbed up, and sat next to her on her haunches. Even in half-inch thick wool, Maud's body moved with the grace of a phoenix and the power of a tiger. Starlight ran her hooves over Maud’s chest, and down her belly. Hooves came up to stop her halfway down. Starlight pushed them aside. “Lie on your back,” she said, “and open your legs.”

“Will it hurt?” asked Maud.

“No,” said Starlight. “Well, probably a little. The wool will chafe, most likely.” She kissed Maud’s lips. She kissed the cusp of her belly. She kissed the insides of her thighs.

“Please,” said Maud.

Starlight ran her tongue over the fabric between Maud’s legs. Threads stuck to her tongue. But there was the outline of Maud’s flower. Fat, thick lips, locked tight, but she could fix that. She took her time, running her tongue over and over those lush curves until the pajamas were soaking wet and clinging to Maud’s pussy. Muscular thighs twitched, then lifted and locked themselves around Starlight’s head. Yes. She pushed her tongue into the rasping fabric, finding Maud’s opening. Not all of the wetness was Starlight’s. She could taste Maud through the fabric. A cold, metallic flavor, dry like red wine. She felt the other mare’s pussy wink, and smiled. This was going well. She licked up to the apex of her flower, where Maud’s little nub hid, big round and hard. She circled it with her tongue, and Maud’s whole body jerked.

Starlight grabbed her thighs, holding her in place. She looked up over the curve of her belly. Maud’s usual composure had fallen away completely. She was twisting, covering her face, biting at her hooves, cheeks flushed, struggling not to cry out. Starlight grinned, and pushed her tongue down on Maud’s nub, grinding rough wool against it. Muffled cries started to leak out from around her hooves. Starlight was relentless. No teasing. No denial. That would come later. For now, she wanted Maud to scream, and scream loudly.

She wrapped her lips around the soaking wet bulge in the fabric, and bit down. Down through wool into Maud’s fat pussy lips, into her bulging clit. A single, sharp cry echoedt through the underground bower, hopeless and ecstatic at the same time. Maud thrashed once, violently, and lay still.

Starlight lay between Maud’s hind legs for a moment, inhaling her scent, satisfied with her work. Then she climbed up so she was face to face with her on the hide-a-bed. “You’re not a liar,” she said.

“What?” said Maud. Her eyes were different. Her normal expression had been replaced by something else, something even Starlight couldn’t place. A look a little like longing, a little like happiness, and a little like pain. Was that what love looked like? She hoped so.

“You were wrong,” taking Maud’s hoof and using it to wipe her chin. “At least one pony has a prim pajama fetish.”

Maud raised an eyebrow ever so slightly. “Really."

“It’s me. I’m the pony.” Starlight ran a hoof down Maud’s side. “I think we’re done with wool, though. Linen. Silk. Maybe terry cloth. We’ll talk to Rarity, see what she come up with. Also, you’re not a virgin any more. Are you okay with that?”

“I don’t think I’m going to miss it,” said Maud.

And they kissed.