My life has lost its meaning. My wife, my mom my dad, and my little brother. I’ve lost everything that I’ve ever held dear. Now, at my wife’s funeral, Sidney, is being lowered into the cold dirt. As I watch I can’t help but wonder, how long? How long does it take for that cold neutrality to fade from her face? A man can only suffer so much before he reaches his breaking point. I should be reminiscing of our time together. How she helped me through depression after the loss of my family. But my thoughts are consumed by one thing, a song, a song I heard in a children’s cartoon show known as “My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic”. I keep on replaying the song in my head. The song’s lyrics are.
“Hush now, quiet now, it’s time to lay your sleepy head. Hush now, quiet now, it’s time to go to bed.” I close my eyes hoping to bring myself to Equestria, a place happier than reality, a place where I can escape the vapidities of normal life. But for the foreseeable future I am unfortunately trapped in my insignificant human existence. When I was asked to speak some words about my wife, I got up and I told everyone the truth.
“I know, you’re all expecting some heartfelt speech about my wife, and how she lived her life. But, none of you really care about, what I have to say. So, I’ll get straight to the point. None of us actually, know what death is really like. But, we all try to imagine that it’s peaceful, and it consists of eternal serenity. But, from birth to death, these two unknowns, we never know what lies on the other side. So, stop trying to imagine death as something that’s beautiful and natural. Let’s all be realistic here! Life sucks, it really does suck, and it’s mundane, tedious, monotonous, and insipid. Any other word for boring and repetitive you can think of. Then again, most of you think of me as some detrimental psychopath. But, I digress, enjoy the rest of you meaningless existence everybody!”
Everyone looked at me with shocked expressions. I believe I actually heard some people quietly cuss me out under their breaths. I was thinking about just leaving before the service was finished. But out of respect for my wife I stayed and listened through what else was said and watched my wife being buried.
The rest of my day was spent at the bar, getting completely hammered out of my bloody mind. The bar was silent, way too silent for a bar of its size. I hiccupped before speaking my mind as a drunk male usually does.
“Hey! Come on! Why is everyone so depressed! You all act like someone just died! Oh, wait a minute.” I dropped back down into my seat remembering that I was just at a funeral. But I was nearly positive that no one else here was at the same funeral. Were they? I decided to push it out of my mind and order another shot. Nothing settles your depression like seven shots of whiskey.
“Oh, I-I’m sorry, I forgot to bring my wallet w-with me.” I choked out in my drunken stupor. The bartender looked at me shaking his head in anger. Hey, what was I supposed to do? I didn’t expect for the funeral to ruin me this much. I should have left in the middle of the service, maybe then I wouldn’t be in this much pain.
“You know what, its fine Keneth, just get out your drinks are on the house.” He said waving a hand dismissively towards me. I lifted my body from the barstool stumbling out of the door to the Bar. The night sky was starting to spin in my mind. I decided not to drive home; I was just going to walk home in my drunken stupor. I was starting to feel depressed again myself. It took a while but I began to notice tears flowing down my cheek onto the ice covered sidewalk.
“Where the hell did things go wrong for me?” I muttered trying to jumble my keys into the door lock. I couldn’t get it to go in! After a while I gave up punching the door as hard as I could. Boy, I left a nice little dent there. I gave up sliding down the door onto the floor. The events of the past five years were finally beginning to take a big toll on me. I just let it all go and cried right there on the spot.
I don’t know how long I must have cried but eventually the alcohol must have gotten to me. Because I’m not sure but I think I passed out. I normally don’t dream, or I normally don’t remember dreams when I do have them. But this was different, this wasn’t a dream either, it was a nightmare. I sat in a bright white endless expanse alone feeling depressed as I normally am.
“Ken, turn around.” A soft soothing female voice sounded from behind me. I lifted my eyes up swinging my body around to face her. It was Sidney, her soft brunette hair straight when it is usually curled. She wore pure white clothing. Her face which was usually a soft smile was not stern, neutral actually.
“Sidney, is that really you?” I asked my mouth agape in shock. This must be a dream, no, it HAD to be a dream, Sidney was dead.
“Ken, you believe that life has become a doleful nightmare, one you cannot awaken from. But you believe that there is a solution, a way to relieve you of your sorrow. You believe that reality has turned its back on you. So I will shift your world perspective, I will alter your reality to put into effect your solution.
“My solution? What’s my solution?” I asked now a tad bit frightened of her expression, the way she was talking was enough to spook someone.
“You should know, you feel that a children’s cartoon show is your utopia. I will then test your belief.” She said waving her hand behind me. The white expanse began to shift into blackness. The darkness only grew deeper, until it was on the verge of swallowing us both whole. I looked at Sidney with a horrified expression on my face; she was beginning to fade away into the darkness. The emptiness began to wrap itself around myself like some strange sort of cloak.
I fought back with all of my strength trying to rip it off of my body, but every time I ripped the blackness off it only grew back over that area.
“Sidney! Don’t go, please! Sidney no!” I yelled out reaching out to her. Her neutral expression turned into that of anger, she hissed at me.
“Silence! This is what you wanted isn’t it?” She said before the last of her body faded into the darkness.
“Why, why are you doing this to me?” I mumbled out my body now completely limp. I gave up in my struggle letting my body be completely consumed by the darkness. I had no choice but to see what Sidney had to show me. I felt my eyelids become heavy, they wished to close so I obliged and let my mind slip away. Soon I was whisked away from all thought into unconsciousness. Hey, what’s the worst that could possibly happen?
After all, this is just a dream.