"Princess, I have assembled every senior royal guard with experience dealing with monsters that have wandered out of the Everfree Forest, as per your orders." Captain of the Royal Guard Stone Wall said. "With the exception of Lt. Shining Armor, who is currently escorting your niece on a good will tour of neighboring countries."
"Very good Captain." Celestia said as she overlooked the assembled men and women in their dented and scratched up combat armor and wielding an impressive arsenal of weapons, only to stop at a squad of guards in the gold ceremonial armor and holding musical instruments. "Captain, I specifically said combat ready as if they were about to face the monsters of the Everfree Forest."
"Yes your Majesty, this is Parasprite Squad, they are one of our most highly decorated squads with over 1,000 successful missions leading the little buggers back into the forest. Their currently down two squad members due to a sprained ankle and maternity leave." He explained.
"Yes, very good, but how do you explain the lack of combat armor?" She asked.
"That is their combat armor your Majesty." He explained. "It has been made to look like their ceremonial armor because parasprites are also attracted to bright colors and a visual aid helps get their attention before they even start playing. The palace guards new armor is based off of it, minus the notice-me-not charm and the homing beacon charm so they can evade the other monsters of the Everfree Forest or be teleported out of danger if there's a feeding frenzy because they accidentally lead the parasprites too close to a large number of the other monsters that feed on them."
"Very well." Celestia said before clearing her throat and addressing the assembled guards. "I have had you gathered here in the garden as a safety precaution due to the fact that I have need of a man who has been petrified in stone, on and off, for the last thousand years. Waking him has always been a bit unpredictable. Before any of you dismiss this as me being overly precautions please note this man's first five minutes of being awake caused the riot of 227, the great Canterlot fire of 563, and the destruction of the Parliament building in 792. This man was and still is one of the greatest thieves and warriors to ever live. He was the personal bodyguard of Starswirl the Bearded for the last 15 years of his life and literally wrote the book on improvised combat that is required reading for the Royal Guards." She paused to allow it to sink in before continuing. "With any luck waking him once again will not result in another catastrophe, but if he wakes in a sudden and confused state your job will be to contain Shovel the Mad as best you can for the few minutes it will take for him to fully wake up."
A few minutes later all 115 guards had taken up positions around a statue of a man in a tattered cloak leaning on a shovel that had the words 'Little Friend' carved into the handle. He had his eyes closed, as if he was a gardener just resting his eyes. With a nod from the Captain of the Royal Guards Celestia's horn lit up and with a flash the statue was suddenly a man who was snoring. Celestia had been about to say something to wake him when one guard said, "Funny, he doesn't look dange..." He never finished whatever he was going to say as the clump of dirt smacked him in the face even before Shovel opened his eyes. Using the momentum from flicking the dirt he brought the shovel back over his shoulder and onto the head of one guard standing behind him before he could try to grab him from behind. With the bounce off the guards head he brought it forward again and blocked the flat of a sword from another guard before smacking a forth guard in the face with the handle. With a quick flick the guard with the sword's helmet was knocked sideways with the shovel head before he was kicked into the guards behind him while the shovel handle went back and down before jerking up into the guard behind him crotch.
Celestia watched as he put on a clinic on how even a garden tool can be a dangerous weapon in the hands of skilled fighter. She noted that letting him keep the shovel Starswirl had entrusted him with was a bad ideal as he parried a stun spell from a mage into an archer who had been about to fire an enchanted confusion arrow at him and sending the arrow into another mage before she could complete her ice spell. The results was her and four other guards having their feet frozen to the ground. He used their numbers against them without a single move wasted and she noted that using guards use to dealing with dangerous wild animals might not been the best ideal, but they were the closest thing she had to anyone with real combat experience and 792 had proved that using city guards use to dealing with drunks didn't work either. She didn't even want to think about using Griffonstone furies after what happened in 563.
It finally ended when Captain Stone Wall landed at her feet and Shovel gave Parasprite Squad an odd look before asking, "Do you know Mud Pie's Parasprite Polka?" With a shrug to each other they started Playing.
Despite it's long history dating back to the Terran Republic before the unification of the three main tribes, the gun has never truly taken off due to the fact that the lead used in the bullets is an extremely poor conductor of magic. This does Not mean it has ever truly died out because of how easy it is to enchant the wood and steel used in arrows and arrow heads. Over it's long history it has been a much beloved hobby of many famous inventors, hunters, and sharpshooters.
The Canterlot Historical Archives
Author's Note
If your trying to understand how Shovel beat up the guards so easily just think of any Disc world novel with Cohen the Barbarian in it. Shovel is in his forties and from a time when there were only three types of warriors: the young and stupid, the old and experienced, and the dead. Since he's not young or dead you can guess which type he is. As for his weapon of choice, let's just say Little Friend has secrets all of it's own.
The Barbarian and The Queen
Celestia lead Shovel through the palace, ignoring the guards, nobles, and servants as there was one really pressing need that needed to be addressed, Shovel stank. She couldn't even remember if he had bathed the last time he was awake, but remembered catching him off guard and tossing him into a river the time before that. The problem was he had only been awake for a grand total of 3 months spread out over 27 times in the past 1,000 years so his personal bathing habits were still the same as they were back then. She couldn't help but smile as she watched nobles who had romantic fantasies about the past get a good smell of what it really had been like. What most of her subjects didn't realize was that modern indoor plumbing was barely 200 years old and before that the simple act of taking a bath had been an actual chore that had actually required time and energy on the part of the average citizen. Princess Platinum had literally swam in perfume to the point that her smell could announce her a good ten minutes before she arrived and she had been one of the better ones who bathed regularly, but then again she did it to overpower the smell of others.
Finally they arrived at her private chambers and she told her guards that they were not to be disturbed. The last thing she wanted was to deal with nobles while explaining modern hygiene and what a shower was to Shovel.
Nightmare Moon emerged naked from the lake of blood, enjoying the feel of it as it slid down her body. Behind her the bodies of the last of those annoying Nyxians slowly sank into the lake as they dissolved, fueling her spell. In her hand she held the heart of the last one as she took another bite out of it. Walking forward, she tore the rest of the heart in half tossed them to her two beloved lunar wolves as her loyal Knightmare Guard emerged from the blood behind her as the spell changed the descendants of the 300 loyal night flyers who had followed her into banishment by sacrificing not just their bat wings, but those of every generation afterwards to join their goddess on her moon. Already manta ray like wings began forming from the blood and attaching to their backs before disappearing into their backs. As they walked forward their eyes glowed red as they shifted to match her eyes. Behind them emerged their wives and children, also changing as they moved forward.
Celestia watched as Shovel emerged from the water of her bath, seeing the ancient runes tattooed into his skin as she poured her magic into the ink and prepared to repair Starswirl the Bearded's work. His body a road map of scars, ink, and a the only cutie mark to ever change three times. She knew him for the barbarian savage who had revealed in the blood and pain of others until his dark heart and darker nature was tempered by the love of a quilt maker. She remembered when it had been a bloody spear made of ice over his heart. She remembered when it had became a shovel with a slight tinge of red at the tip of the shovel head. But most importantly she remembered when the handle of the shovel broke and the head took on a sharper, jagged edge and was once more covered in blood.
As soon as he sat down on the stool she began running her hand over the scars, not completely removing them and insulting him by doing so, but smoothing them out enough to work with. She only paused twice, once when she came to the finger that was withered as the only sign of the fight with a necromancer. Wordlessly they looked at each other as she remembered that day and how close she had been to deaths door, finally she nodded before skipping it. Then she came to the one on his hip, blushing as she remembered nearly gelding him before healing him and drawing him into her bed. She had been about to move on when he grabbed her wrist and as she looked into his eyes he spoke, "My love sleeps in the garden next to your one time betrothed. Don't dwell in the past too long or I may be tempted join you."
Pulling her hand free she said, "I'm just an old woman briefly visiting one of her few more pleasant ghosts and nothing more." She then turned and picked up the crystal tattoo needle gun and began casting the spells as she repaired and re-energized the runes, adding a few newer versions of a few that had been completely destroyed. Finally came the one on the back of his neck. She was exact in her work on that one and gave a sigh of relief as his icy grey eyes became a deep forest green like his hair, hiding what he truly was once more.
Nightmare Moon turned and watched as the last of the tall, slim civilians entered the rapidly emptying lake before disappearing beneath the blood even as others emerged from the blood, shorter and more muscular, better suited to returning to Equestria. She watched as they summoned their wings and for the first time in generations and took flight, not as night flyers, but as a new species, the lunar flyers. With pride in her people she reached out and called forth a lunar dust storm and watched as it spilled across them, obscuring them briefly before revealing them again. Her Knightmare Guard emerged clad in light grey armor and their families and the civilians emerged clad in light grey clothing.
Both Princess Celestia and Shovel, wearing fresh new modern equivalent of his clothing, stood on a balcony as she pointed out a young woman with purple hair with pink or light purple streaks as the girl rushed towards a tower. "That is my student, Twilight Sparkle, one of the two you to protect. If you must decide between which of the two to follow if they get separated, she takes priority over my ward as she is the one who will most likely to be the bearer of the element of magic. You must let the events leading up to my sister's return play out as best you can and only intervene when it is needed. Afterwards you must insure that her and those who follow her into the Everfree Forest make it to the old castle. Be aware, the elements will test them along the way, so some of what they will face in there will be unavoidable."
She then pointed to a young Draconian who was holding a package of sorts as he walked towards the door. "That is my ward, Spike Drake, do not let his looks fool you. He may look like a 5 year old covered in scales, but he is actually 9 years old and I have 'assigned' him to be her assistant until he reaches puberty around his 20th birthday."
"Greed growth?" Shovel asked as he watched the package get destroyed.
"Yet to happen and I would prefer for him not to under go devolving for a bit longer, at least until we are sure he can over come his race's curse. " Celestia answered getting a nod from Shovel before continuing. "As you know any formal education must wait until afterwards, but do not underestimated his intelligence seeing as how Twilight has tutored him since he began working as her assistant." Celestia paused as they watched Spike send a message and it appeared next to her. With a chuckle she let him read it as she wrote a response, "Seems she is two and a half hours earlier than I expected since giving her that book." She then sent the letter before leading him back inside. "As far as they will be aware, you have been assigned to watch over them, while not interfering, while they are in the town of ponyville overseeing the Summer Sun Celebration preparations since they are both still minors. As for the citizens of ponyville, I think you should keep an eye out for these individuals, as they are the most likely...."
Striding through them they began chanting her name as her lunar wolves gave forth mighty howls that was answered by more as thousands of them raced forth through the ten thousands lunar flyers and joined her at the edge of the now smaller bubbling blood and moon dust mud lake. From it tendrils came forth, wrapping around almost but two of the lunar wolves, causing them to grow larger, muscular, and fearsome as it covered them in light grey armor. Nightmare Moon and her two beloved pets waded into the mud and were lifted high into the air as it flowed around them. Nightmare Moon shivered as she felt the the mud flow across her breasts, the spells energy was almost orgasmic as it flowed around her and her knees nearly buckled when it flowed between her legs.
As the lunar flyers watched, Nightmare Moon rode out of the mud on a black and silver chariot pulled through the air by her now much larger wolves. Her and her wolves were clad in black and silver armor and her hair was now a brilliant blue nebula flowing out behind her. Next to her rested a black and silver naginata and she wore a silver helmet with a black crescent moon upon it. Raising the naginata high above her head she shouted out, "Soon we will have our revenge! Soon Celestia will fall! Soon THE NIGHT SHALL LAST FOREVER!!!" With that the lunar flyers erupted in wild cheers that was joined by the howls of the lunar wolves.
Author's Note
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