Princess Twilight Sparkle Comes Out As Bi

by kudzuhaiku

Rating: everyone
Tags: Original Character, Spike, Comedy, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2382

Twilight holds a press conference to let everypony know that she swings both ways

When Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship announces that she swings both ways, she sparks a political movement. A revolution takes place as others, too, realise that they wish to swing both ways.

The rallying cry, "Hot and steamy, sweet and creamy!" will rock the nation.

A political entry in the Weedverse.

Published 2017-05-04 01:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-05-04 01:00:01 UTC

This could go both ways...

In the charged political climate of Equestria, it was both difficult and dangerous to take a stand on anything. Everything and anything was seen as a political stance, from which newspaper one read, to which brand of ink one prefered. Nothing was safe from scrutiny, nothing at all, and everything was made all the worse if one was a princess, which Twilight Sparkle just so happened to be.

Pacing back and forth, the Princess of Friendship wore a path in the paisley-patterned rug, as she was almost dragging her hooves. Her reading glasses sat askew on her nose and the bun she had drawn her mane up into was on the verge of expiring, collapsing back into nothing but loose strands.

In the corner, Seville Orange—press secretary for the royal family and soon to be Doctor of Journalism—was setting up his camera as well as his sound recording system. He was studious, quiet, and ever-so-patient with his little helper, Radiance, the gleaming white earth pony colt. The foal’s quiet curiousity for electronics and gadgets could not be satiated under any circumstances.

Spike was going over a checklist while being pestered by Corbie, who just wanted to play. Corbie, a pegasus filly, didn’t understand what the big deal was and why Spike had to concentrate. Spike, far too gentle and good natured to lose his temper, allowed the filly to keep nosing him, begging to play.

A somewhat sedate Pinkie Pie hovered near a group of tables that had a pleasant spread laid out on them. There was punch, cupcakes, cookies, and little filly ear sandwiches, though Pinkie never quite understood why they called any little sandwich section a filly ear sandwich. Laying out a spread of delectable treats was tricky business for an event like this, because you wanted reporters to come; but if you laid out too-nice of a spread, you got the old, cranky, career vultures that only showed up to press conferences for the food, and nopony liked those jerks.

When the revolution came, those jerks would be first up against the buffet.

At another table, at another corner, there was a coffee and tea service laid out, with two cheerful looking young unicorns there to act as servers. The first, Flambé Apple, she was a bright, outgoing older filly; the other, Tinder, was an older colt who had a winning smile. These two were part of a group known as the Fiery Four, a group of like-minded pyromaniacs.

“Hey!” Blinking, Spike watched in stunned astonishment as Corbie went running off, her wings flapping and his pen held in her lips. He stood there for several seconds—too stupefied to respond—and then he threw everything he was holding down to the floor, waddling off after the felonious, filching filly.

“Your shiny is mine now!” Corbie shouted as the pen dangled from the corner of her mouth. “Caw! Caw! Victory is mine! Caw! I have stolen the dragon’s tiny hoard!”

Corbie’s antics caused Twilight to cease her pacing, and she watched the pair with a broad, toothy smile. Spike ran fast, but never too fast, and Twilight knew that her assistant could catch Corbie with no real effort whatsoever. Her wings twitched against her sides, her feathers fluffed out, and a look of contented bliss crossed over Twilight’s face like a cloud passing over the sun.

Turning her head, Twilight began to stare at Seville. Her hooves muffled against the floor, her wings continued to fidget against her ribs, and a most peculiar expression transformed her face, going from blissful to warm and sensual. Her eyes blazed with passion for a moment, and she heaved a satisfying sigh. Seville was easy on the eyes, studious, and he was patient with Radiance, all of which ignited Twilight’s burning interest.

“Twilight, are you sure you want to do this?” Pinkie Pie asked, and she turned to look at her best friend. “I mean, we could always just keep this between ourselves. Sure, it might leak out at some point, because this isn’t exactly the sort of thing that stays hidden forever, but do we really need to tell everypony?”

Tail swishing, Twilight considered Pinkie’s words and her head began to bob, which caused even more of her mane to come spilling out of the ruined remains of her bun. “It’s time, Pinkie… I’m ready to let the world know where I really stand. Are you with me?”

“Well of course I’m with you, silly-head!” Pinkie Pie sucked in a deep, wheezing breath. “Life just isn’t going to be the same after this though, your life most of all.”

“Yeah, but I’m ready to come out.” Twilight’s head lifted and without meaning to do so, she struck a majestic pose. “The public is owed the truth and I am ready to be an example to others who are like me.”

Seville looked down at his helper, Radiance, and the two of them exchanged smirks.

“I’m so blessed to have friends just like me,” Twilight said, her wings going still. “What an amazing twist of fate… the three of us, we all go both ways.” She looked at Seville, then Pinkie, and she batted her eyelashes at Pinkie. “It just makes things easier when you swing both ways, doesn’t it, Pinkie?”

“It sure does!” Pinkie Pie returned Twilight’s warm, intense stare with one of her own. “As a party planner, I would always have to worry about preference and how to satisfy. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to come up to a stranger and ask which way they swing? And the looks you get! I mean, I’m the party planner, and I have to know! I’ve always prefered working with clients that swung both ways. It doubles my odds of success at having a swinging party.”

“I would imagine so!” Twilight, now excited, began to shuffle around and her tail swung from side to side while her anticipation climbed to a fever-pitch.

“Say, Twilight… Pinkie… when this is done and over, would the both of you like to go out to someplace quiet so we could spend a little time together?” Seville’s voice was soft, almost shy, but still carried through the large room. “Maybe we could have some drinks and then eat some pie or something…”

“I’d like that,” Twilight responded, and her ears pivoted forwards in keen interest.

Pinkie gave Seville a coy look and her face turned a few shades pinker. “I’m your Huckleberry… Pie...”

The room was crowded and Twilight was starting to have second thoughts. Biting her lip, she cursed her introversion and began to remind herself what was important in life. Taking a stand, having a position, leading by example: these were the things that her mother had pounded into her head from an early age, for which Twilight was grateful. At some point soon, she needed to thank her mother.

Quite a few reporters were present, which felt surprising, given her rocky relationship with the press. The reporters that had shown up were young, for the most part, with bright, eager eyes. Twilight knew quite a few of them, and a number of them she considered friends. They were the new breed of reporters in Equestria, and Twilight liked working with them. For Twilight, the truth was more valuable than sensationalism, even if it was sometimes unflattering.

Seville made a gesture to make it known that the camera was rolling and Twilight felt a tightness in her throat while her stomach muscles went taut. Speaking of handsome, honest reporters… Twilight bit her lip for a moment while she explored the sensation of a spike of feminine excitement. She loved to read, and Seville loved to write. It was an ideal situation.

“Ladies and gentleponies,” Twilight began in an abrupt manner, and she fought to overcome her nervousness. “I’ve called you all together together to day because I’d like to make an announcement. I had a speech prepared, but, uh, well… I got nervous and I sorta forgot it. Heh.. that’s funny… real funny…”

There were a few laughs from the crowd, and Twilight licked her lips in preparation to keep going. Her frogs were sweaty and she was certain that she would be leaving behind wet hoofprints when she walked away. Sweaty, itchy wingpits were disrupting her concentration, and she realised with some dismay that she had not fixed her bun before speaking.

“I’ll just come right out and say it,” Twilight said to the gathered press. “I’m bi.”

The tink-tink sound of eyes blinking could be heard, but other than that, the room was silent.

“Yes, I swing both ways… I drink both tea and coffee. After years of being asked which I prefer, and fearing the repercussions of my preference, I have decided to come forward and set the record straight. I’ve been dodging the issue for a long time because I was fearful of the backlash. I understand that this is an issue that divides our society and causes a bit of consternation.

“Princess Celestia champions the cause of tea because she is fond of the ritual and the culture that surrounds it. She believes that tea is the cornerstone of civilisation, and the proof of an enlightened, cultured, well-to-do society. And you know what? She’s right! She is. I cannot disagree with her. Teatime was the time that my mother shared her wisdom with me, and that wisdom made me the princess that I am today. Plus, almost all of the really important lessons that I learned from my mentor, my teacher, Princess Celestia, those lessons were learned over tea. My intellectual refinement took place at the tea table.”

Twilight took a moment to clear her throat, and then continued:

“Now, Princess Luna, she is fond of coffee. She believes it is the watermark of an industrious, hard working society. Invigourating, energising, coffee is the drink that keeps the whole of our society moving forward at the breakneck pace that we somehow manage. All walks of life benefit from coffee, from the hard-working farmers, like my friend, Applejack, to inspiring fashionistas, like my friend, Rarity… not to mention lawyers, doctors, scientists, engineers, and politicians. We are a hard working nation with some of the highest productivity rates in the world, and I echo Princess Luna’s sentiments—we owe that to coffee.”

Curious eyes all stared at her, and Twilight had to fight to keep going.

“And then there is Princess Cadance, who is fond of soda. Who doesn’t like soda? It’s something that almost all of us drink when we are not drinking tea or coffee.” Twilight laughed, a nervous sound, and she worried about the utter silence of the crowd. “I understand that everything is political these days, and there is a vast gap between the tea drinkers and the coffee drinkers. Tea drinkers are seen as the staunch old conservatives and coffee drinkers are seen as rabble-rousers and leftists. Both sides try to paint the other in an unflattering light. It’s stupid, if you ask me. There is a lot of fear and anxiety about it, and I understand why. We’re equines. We have an innate need to fit into the herd. Because of my own anxieties, I kept my preference to myself. Well, no longer!”

Now, Twilight saw a lot of thoughtful expressions.

“So… I am a bi-drinker. I am bi-political. Bipartisan. I swing both ways and I enjoy both with no guilt. I have friends on both sides of the aisle. I can have tea with Princess Celestia and enjoy coffee on the same day with Princess Luna. I am a modern, liberated mare and I swing both ways. It doesn’t matter what I’m drinking, I like it hot and steamy, sweet and creamy. I will not be ashamed and I will exercise my right to chose without fear. And I hope that others will join me. What we drink shouldn’t divide us!”

Twilight’s eyes darted around and she waited. The silence grew deafening—it became a roar in her ears—but then a pegasus near the back began clapping. The applause started off small, a trickle, but then became a landslide. She beamed and then her eyes were assailed by the many flashings of cameras. Spots danced in her vision, leaving her blinded with white and blue spots that danced before her eyes.

“My name is Seville Orange, and I swing both ways!”

“My name is Pinkie Pie, and I too, swing both ways!”

Twilight’s wings unfurled from her sides and she felt inspired by the electric mood that was present. “If enough of us stand together, we can make it so that everypony is free to swing both ways, should they choose to, without fear of ostracisation or public backlash!”

“Hot and steamy, sweet and creamy!” Pinkie Pie shouted and she rose into a bipedal stance to wave her front hooves around. “Hot and steamy, sweet and creamy!”

The crowd, mare and stallion alike, also joined in and began to chant, “Hot and steamy, sweet and creamy! Hot and steamy, sweet and creamy! Hot and steamy, sweet and creamy!” It became a statement of unification, a rallying cry, and it echoed throughout the many walls of Twilight’s castle.

Spike, the wise little dragon that he was, knew a newborn political movement when he saw one, and he rushed from the room, moving as fast as his stubby legs would carry him, off to write a letter to Princess Celestia to inform her that Twilight Sparkle was gathering a body of like-minded ponies that swung both ways. He wondered what Princess Celestia would think of Twilight’s swingers.

Twilight, feeling the worship and adoration of the crowd, knew that this was a moment of crowning achievement for her as a princess, and she basked in her well-earned glory. She was Princess Twilight Sparkle of Equestria, the Princess of Friendship, the Librarian of Ponyville, and she swung both ways. She had come out and was now free of guilt, shame, and anxiety. It was her fondest hope that her actions would inspire others to do the same.

“Hot and steamy, sweet and creamy! Hot and steamy, sweet and creamy! Hot and steamy, sweet and creamy!”

Author's Note

I love you all...