The Promised Land

by Retired5262020

Rating: mature
Tags: Romance, Anon, Second Person, Spike, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 37080

What's a man to do when he's dropped into a literal wonderland? Try not to ruin it, that's what.

In the not-so-distant future, things don't pan out as everyone would hope. It would be much more accurate to say it all went wrong. Where did it happen, you ask? Where did the dream fall apart? Who knows. All we know today is that it happened, and that it's very real.

Rarely does life give a second chance. Rarely does it offer a favored deal, even to those that deserve it. That must make you awful rare, then.

Thrust into a world oddly familiar, yet so peculiar after a self-imposed mission gone awry, you find yourself staring down what could be a disguised wonderland. But one question plagues your mind.

What's the catch?

A second person story with you as Anonymous, with looks inside other characters as well.
Set in the Reverse Gender Role Equestria universe.
Tags added as story progresses

Published 2017-05-04 04:50:14 UTC
Last updated 2018-01-22 08:29:01 UTC

Prologue: Minor Turbulence

Prologue: Minor Turbulence

”I get the feeling you’re not quite telling me everything,” a smooth voice comments.

You stare across the table in the darkened room to the owner of the voice, a man who looks like a dead ringer of Jack Harper. Ominous suited appearance and your imagined smell of stale smoke included.

You only know him as ‘Vanduff’, a government spook.

“It’s not like I did much. Hell, I never saw any of the big battles.”

The man slowly blinks, his electric blue eyes lowering to the open folder on the steel table. “Are you sure about that? I wouldn't call getting out of the Virginia disaster zone relatively unscathed a small feat.”

“Virginia was a disaster long before it was trashed,” you say blandly. “And running is not exactly hard.”

Your interviewer snorts. “Opinions aside, countless people didn’t make it when the first bombs went off. Yet, you did.” If his voice was smooth before, it’s practically oily now. “You either had the luck or the skill to make it out not only alive, but in one piece. Surveillance still active during the panic suggests that would be quite the… test of resolve.”

You frown at the way he says “test of resolve”.

“Look, a man’s gotta survive…”

He nods. “Indeed you did. That’s why we want you.”

“Some random asshole?”

Vanduff stills. If he was caught off guard by the comment, it didn’t show on is face. “A survivor,” he says after a pause. “We’ve gone over other candidates, but none are as enduring as you, mister Anonymous. You’re as hard to crush as a radical idea.”

You let a breath out through your nose and cross your arms. “You still haven't told me what all this will entail. I was only told there was decent pay involved.”

“And yet you still walk into this facility,” Vanduff says as he leans back into his chair. “You’re sure in your ability to get out should this go sour. You only reaffirm my assessment of you.”

Your eyes narrow, but you say nothing.

The older man stands and slowly paces in the small, almost police interrogation-like room, his dress shoes clicking distractingly on the stone floor. “We’re onto something here, mister Anonymous. As you may or may not know, conflict advances technology with incredible speed. Our year long bout of infighting threw the world into chaos, and from that pit of chaos, new technology budded and branched.”

Despite knowing that the man in front of you can only be bad news, you still find yourself leaning forward in interest.

“For industry, directed energy tools. Medicine, regeneration therapy. And the most groundbreaking of all?”

The Harper-lookalike places his hands on the table, leaning on them as he smiles a smile that could convince a saint he was sin-free. “Transportation. In the closing days of the fighting, Einstein-Rosen bridges could finally be made artificially. Unrivaled supply transport threw everything into our favor. The genius of a not-so-common engineer may have just saved us all.”

What?

“Alright, now I know you're full of shit,” you say, a scowl marring your face. “Lasers and 3D printed limbs are one thing. Full on wormhole generators are another thing entirely. There’s no way you possess something like that. Not this early in our history.”

“Are you sure?”

You want to stubbornly say “Yes,” but hold off to think of a better answer.

He takes your silence as a signal to keep talking. “It’s a stretch, I understand. But nothing is impossible. I think you know that better than most,” the older man says, his voice smooth as silk.

You’re really starting to hate this guy.

“We need someone with the will and ability to survive wherever we can send him. Our own agents…”

“Are too valuable to send?”

He raises eyebrow and looks as if he is going to refute you, but stops. “They don't have the correct skill sets.”

“Riiiiight…”

Once again, his aloof expression remains unchanged.

“So what do I get out of this other than a fat paycheck?” You ask, crossing your arms a little tighter and leaning back. “And by god it better be as thicc as a hooker who only takes benjamins. Now that I think about it, where did you even come up with this thing?”

Vanduff slides an old photograph out of the file on his side of the table to you.

Glancing down, you see it’s of an overweight man with thinning hair and the name “Arnold Yegirman” scrawled on it in sharpie.

“That is Arnold Yegirman,” Vanduff says. “A brilliant man, decades ahead of the rest of us in understanding the workings of space. A second coming of Hawking, some would say. We kept an eye on him.”

“Of course you did…”

“He was killed when a CrimFa truck bomb went off in his neighborhood,” the other man continues without missing a beat. “His home collapsed and crushed him. After some investigation, local police found some interesting blueprints and undamaged personal computers.” He closes his eyes, a small smile on his face. “We saw fit to bring the materials recovered into our custody for security reasons.”

You sigh, uncrossing one of your arms to pinch the bridge of your nose with your eyes clinched shut. “The bomb was you, wasn’t it?”

You get no reply.

“God damn it… What’s the pay?”

A pause, then tense silence. “Incognito.”

You suck in a slow breath, your eyes opening.

Vanduff is still standing with his small smile, but his right side is faced away, and his hand is hidden.

You catch his eyes with your own. He blinks first.

“Explain.”

“Of course,” he says, looking away to the folder again. “Shortly after the initial D.C. bombings, mister Incognito was admitted to a local hospital for severe shrapnel wounds and head trauma. As per state mandate, the hospital tried to contact his parents when he did not awaken.”

You try not to let your breath hitch.

He looks back to you, not easing out of his stance. “It failed. They tried to contact his brother next.”

Your blood goes cold.

Vanduff’s smile twitches. “Once again, it failed. Seems he was otherwise indisposed. Perhaps in an area with no cell phone service?”

No…

“So they kept him on life support for one year, as mandated…”

“Get to the point!” You snarl, the shout echoing in the stone room.

For the first time, the government spook falters, his right arm twitching nervously behind him. ”But after seeing you, we decided to… step in, you see. A stipend was dedicated to maintaining mister Incognito’s health. He’s in stable condition, in fact.”

“And you want me to do this for you in return…” you finish for him, your shoulders slumping.

The government agent eased back down into his chair, his smile back. From the folder, he pulls a single page long contract and a small pen, and slides it across the table to you.

You uncross your arms and lean back forward, snatching the pen from his grasp with a livid swipe of your arm. Idly, you scan over the contract and scowl. ”It says that Nito’s current debt to the system will be waived if I enter this contract, but I don’t see a part where it says he won’t accrue more.” You go further, the ugly look on your face deepening. “And there’s no end date on this fucking thing. Or even a clause saying what happens to Nito if I get wasted.”

You give the smiling man a withering glare. “Did you honestly expect me to sign this? Do you think I’m retarded?”

“Hmm. Did I expect you to sign that? No,” the infuriating suit said with a shake of his head. “But my superiors did.” He pulls out another contract, this one multiple pages. “That’s why I had this made on the downlow.”

You don’t even wait and pull the paper from his hand, scanning over it intently.

“I expect you to sign THAT one. I think you’ll find that one more agreeable.”

The painful glower on your faces eases as you read over the new paper. Care for Nito, the eventual release of him into your custody, and even a contingency in the form of a promise to provide for Nito should you die in the field.

“You honestly tried to trick me with the first one, you rat bastard.”

You get no reply as you finish reading the last page.

“This is oddly fair…”

Vanduff just looks at you knowingly. “Trust me, You’ll be doing more for us than you realize,” he says, voice like silk.

You pin him with a sharp look, then let out a resigned breath and pick up the pen. He’s playing you. He must be.

“There’s a special place in hell for shitters like you, you know that?” you ask as you sign.

He has the gall to openly grin. “Indeed. That place is called the ‘throne’”.

“Gentlemen,” A rather typical nerd of an administrator with spectacles and a large nose said. “Are you ready?”

“As ready as anyone can be for crazy shit like this...”

You and a few of other other assembled men chuckle in low tones.

The spectacled man frowns, pushing his glasses a bit higher on his face. “I hope you’ll all take this a bit more seriously. It’s not everyday history is made, you know. Perform a final gear check, and get ready. In the next few moments, you all could become some of the most important humans ever, even if this is just a test.”

The atmosphere sobers, and everyone pats themselves down, feeling for their gear and digging in lockers along the wall.

A cursory glance down tells you all you need to know. You have the lightest load.

Your beat-up Glock 20 10mm pistol holstered on your side, a small 1903 Colt Hammerless hidden in your waistband, some spare mags, your plate carrier fitted with level IV armor, radio, a no-name fixed-blade knife, and a standard overnight woods kit. You’re the leader for this little excursion with a team you barely know. To be fair, they said the whole team would be “Privately contracted agents”. But you get the feeling that some of the men here…

You glance to the side, where one of your four teammates, a tall and thin man, tries to put the magazine of his rifle in backwards.

...Are fodder.

You sigh. What kind of clusterfuck is cooking up here? “I think we’re as ready as we’re going to be. Lead us to the test area, yeah?”

The administrator gives one sharp nod, then turns on his heel and gestures you all to follow through the darkened hallway just outside the supply room.

You pass a number of steel doors through the facility, all of them closed. More than once, you had heard odd noises while passing them. With the sterile light of of the buzzing lights fixtures and perverse white of the walls and floor, it made for something right out of a horror movie.

The man directly behind you yelps in fright and jumps when something slams on the door he walks past.

You would tell no-one that your own heart rate spiked from that.

Finally, you and the other four are lead into a side room, where the administrator hastily shuts the door behind you.

“Holy shit…”

The others utter their own expressions of surprise, and even one or two of fear.

Against the back of the room is a mess of outward jutting metal prongs and intricate wiring, all held up by a massive metal frame. The walls of the large room are lined with steel cabinets filled with mechanical whirring and blinking lights, marking them as computers or servers of some sort. The make and models are certainly unfamiliar.

“So. Uh.” The team medic, a short, asian man starts unsurely. “What exactly is this thing?”

The administrator pulls a tablet from his labcoat, and taps a few keys on the screen. “This? It’s the Einstein Rosen bridge. Don't worry about it, though. We just need to test this and have you pick up a few things from unsavory characters for us. This will be two birds with one stone. Your leader can brief you once you make it to your destination.”

What? You weren’t told shit!

The other four men look at you, eyes full of curiosity and suspicion.

“Can you at least tell us where we’re going?” You ask, hoping to deflect the uncomfortable stares on your back.

“Lynchburg.”

The room seemed to go silent despite the noise of the computer fans keeping at a dull roar. Suddenly, you’re glad you didn’t learn the names of your team.

“Hold on,” the medic spoke up again, eyes wide. “That wasn’t part of the deal! You said that this would be easy!”

“Indeed we did.”

The smell of stale smoke invades your nose as Vanduff walks through the door, infuriating smile in place. “After all, testing the bridge generator IS easy.”

“It’s the afterward part that is difficult,” the admin says irritably. “What happened to keeping this in a need to know basis? Why did I have to tell them?”

The older man shrugs carelessly. “I don’t see it as much of a concern,” he replies with casually. “I don't expect them all to come back.”

“U-uh. Look sir,” the tall and thin man on the team starts, a stutter in his voice. “I might have lied a little on my resume. I ain’t got no military experience or nothing. A-and I’m havin’ second thoughts…”

The Harper-lookalike shakes his head. “That’s too bad. You’re under contract. You ALL are. Until this assignment is complete, you do WHATEVER I say, understand?”

“B-but!”

A sharp look from the admin stops the tall man’s protests. “There is no backing out. You leave here, and you’ll enjoy life in a cell. I did NOT process all your clearance just to have you run away.”

’Tall’ nods meekly and steps back in line.

“Now then, step forward into an individual spot you poor fools. You’re about to become the first humans to ever teleport.”

You glare at the large-nosed man, but do as you’re told until you stand between two of the prongs protruding from the wall-sized machine.

With shaky steps and muttered prayers, the others follow, each standing between different sets of prongs.

“Good…”

Both the admin and Vanduff back-up until they’re almost back against the far wall as the admin rapidly inputs commands into his tablet. Oh that cannot be good…

The technological monstrosity less than a foot from you rumbles and hums threateningly. Slowly, the humming grows louder. Before long, it’s a tooth-rattling din that makes your ears hurt and makes your stomach do flips. You look around at your team, all of them wearing grimaces and tears even leak from ‘Tall’s clinched eyes. Over the horrid hum, you hear something that makes your stomach drop even further than it already has.

An alarm klaxon.

The alarm sounds twice, then the dim lighting in the room dies with pops of glass and the electrical screech of sockets overloading, leaving the glowing bridge generator as the only light source.

Both Vanduff and the admin’s faces are screwed up in shock and dismay. The admin’s fingers run over the tablet in his hands in a panicked staccato, but from the growing horror in his eyes, it seems to be for naught. Faster than a man his age should, Vanduff rips open the door and runs out, frantically gesturing to follow him.

’Tall’ runs for it and leaves his spot, frightened tears running down his face, heedless of the admin’s terrified scream of warning which was lost to the roar of the bridge generator.

You can only watch with wide eyes as an arc of energy jumps from a prong into ‘Tall’s back, savagely ripping through his armor and plate carrier, leaving black flesh and molten metal behind. The poor man’s eyes were glassy before he even hit the ground.

You can vaguely hear the medic’s cry before all your senses other than PAIN cut out. Your scream is lost even to your own ears as you feel like you’re being pushed through a hole the size of a pinhead, then…

White.

“Trust me on this, Spike. I know I’ve got it this time!”

“Whatever you say, Twilight,” the young drake says, looking at the runic circle on the ground dubiously. “Why do you need to do this again?”

You set the chalk in your magical grasp down and look at the book floating at your side again. Wow. Alicorn eyes don’t need much light to see well, and your clear vision in the dim basement proves it.

“Need to?” you ask with a grin. “Well of course I don’t NEED to, but I WANT to. I’m the princess of friendship now, Spike. Imagine what sort of incredible lessons we could learn by making friends across the Aether? Besides, it’s just a temporary summons. I can let who ever I summon go whenever they want.”

Spike crosses his arms, not buying it. “Are you sure you’re not just summoning a coltfriend or something? This seems awful involved for a temporary thing.”

And as if it were magic, you choke on nothing. You REALLY need to stop letting Spike hangout with Rainbow unsupervised. She spouts things that no child needs to hear, let alone a young drake.

“No! I’m not abusing magic for something so vulgar!” You deny, but mentally file the idea away. “This is purely academical.”

“Then why not do it before?”

You grumble under your breath.

Spike tilts his head “What?”

You grumble again.

“Twi, comon…”

“I didn’t have the mana capacity for it!” You exclaim, embarrassed.

“Oh…” Spike says demurely, wringing his claws. “Sorry, I didn’t know…”

You sigh and pull the little dragon into a wing-hug, something you’ve found pleasant about your new appendages. “It’s fine, Spike. It’s probably not something you’d expect from me…”

He nods against your side, making you smile.

“Now, how about you head upstairs while I finish up down here.” You give the drake a sly look as he pulls away from you. “Besides, I saw the mailmare fly by earlier. Didn’t you order some new Cosmo Trek comics a week ago?”

Your surrogate brother’s eyes go wide. “Oh mare, I totally forgot!” And with that, he’s off like a rocket, his short steps rapidfire across the wooden floor and up the stairs.

Heh. You don't really approve of him reading marely things like those comics, but he loves them so much that you just can't deny him.

Anyways, MAGIC TIME!

You turn back to the runic circle on the ground and double check it again, your alicorn mind providing a helpful boost to your memory. Now if only it didn’t take a week to make…

Both Princess Celestia and Luna could stand in the circle wingtip to wingtip with room to spare the circle was so huge, though, not without stepping on any of the countless whirling, almost Neighponise runes the fill it’s entirety. It’s so huge that you had to clear out the basement, leaving your junk upstairs…It pained you to leave the library so dirty, but it’ll just have to wait.

Not a single crooked line, and not a single speck of chalk dust It’s time!

With light, giddy steps, you sat yourself at the ‘front’ of the circle and sit on your haunches.
The warm, pleasurable feeling of your horn pulling energy from your core never gets old, you idly muse. Your horn lights up in a wavering corona the same color as your coat, casting a pale, violet light in the dark basement.

As if craving the fuel for it’s magic, the circle pulls the freely offered violet energy in thin, luminescent ribbons, making the lines of chalk glow with a white light that slowly grows more brilliant. Before your eyes, the runes light up seemingly at random, but you know it’s a sequence. Why the runes have such an activation order is beyond you, but the magician who created the summoning masterpiece must have had a reason. Before long, the whole circle is lit up and slowly rising off the floor, not longer simple chalk. Now is the part you could not do before. With a deep breath, you brace yourself.

“Here goes nothing…”

You show your eyes shut and lower your head to a perfect 45 degree angle, then…

HIIISSSSSSSSSS

You wince as you shunt mana through only the spiral of your horn at 22.4 mu/s, just as the book said, sending a hissing, steam-like cloud of gaseous energy into the air. The circle hums in a bone-rattling tone as it eagerly sucks in the mana vapor, pulling in a curving, spiral pattern into itself. Comon, Twilight, hold it together…

Sweat drips down your brow as a few seconds turns into a minute, then into five minutes, then fifteen. Just as you feel your legs wobble from the horrid drain, the summoning circle goes silent and stops pulling, floating a few centimeters off the ground and glowing softly.

You… You did it. You’ve got a stable summoning circle!

With a tired smile, you wipe at your forehead with a wing, careful to avoid your throbbing horn. Now that you have the circle to do the transdimensional heavy lifting, you just need to make desummon triggers.

“Glass baubles should work…” you hum idly to yourself. “Easy to break, so the tether on them holding the summoned creature here can be severed without hassle.” Just as you pick up the book again, the circle hums, freezing you in place.

You didn’t feed it any mana, so why..?!

Your eyes snap down to the book in your grip. “No…”

The book in your MAGIC grip, The magic of which is being pulled away right into the circle.

Horror digs it’s icy claws into your stomach. “No!”

You just used raw magic a foreleg’s length away from a catalyst that you forgot to ground. The circle is summoning something without you inputting any summoning parameters. And you have ZERO desummon triggers.

“NO!”

You back against the wall and crush your mana back with sheer will, leaving your entire body unpleasantly numb. This is the one that WILL get you banished, princess or not.

The wind picks up in the basement, spiraling around the circle with deafening howl and blocking your view with a veil of dust. It’s all you can do to hold your wings in front of your face to keep the dust out of your eyes and lungs. You dare not use more magic.

The whirlwind turns from a howl to a shrill shriek, one more befitting a dying animal than magically charged air. The ground level windows all either shatter or blow open, sending glass into the maelstrom.

You crack open a single eye just in time to witness the circle pulsate and writhe, then with the sound of steel cable snapping, the whole thing shatters into motes of blinding light. Without warning, it stops. The wind dies and the dust and glass shards fall to the ground. Ever so slowly, you pull your wings away and open your eyes, still unsure of the situation through the ringing in your ears.

Thump!

“Eep!” You hoof shoots to your mouth too slow to stop the colty sound. “Oh no…”

Eyes wide, you look at the circle.

Or where it used to be.

In the middle of the room lies a huge, and apparently facedown figure sporting what seemed to be clothes.

You gulp, trying to reign in your curiosity with… limited success? Who are you kidding, the suspense is killing you.

The figure groans in a deep and distinctly masculine voice, slowly using it’s forearms to turn itself over. It, or he? He flips onto his back with another heavy Thump! and stares at the ceiling with narrowed, foal-like eyes. The eyes turn their sharp gaze to you, rooting you into the spot as they seem to stare past you.

You gulp. “Are… Are you okay?”

Mentally, you kick yourself after processing your own question. This poor creature isn’t going to understand Equish without some sort of translation spell, and the one built into the circle is long gone since the circle itself is gone.

Twilight, you really need to quit dropping the ba-.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Physically at least. My day isn’t going too well, though.”

Your jaw drops.

The now definitely alien stallion blinks at you and lets out a breath. “Mind if I sit here for a moment? I really don’t want to get up.”

You just nod vacantly.

A fine mess this is, Twilight. You just foalnapped a random alien stallion. Silent freakout now, rational thought later.

Author's Note

Point out mistakes, you freeloaders. And give me those sweet (you)s

But no really, this is probably rough as all hell since I've been out of the game for almost a year.

Chapter 1: Ordinary Daze

The first thing that hits you as you tumble out of the pin head sized hole is the ground with a loud Thump!

It knocks the wind out of you and would have been painful if the unearthly agony of being shoved through a wormhole didn’t dominate your mind. For a moment, you’re content to just lay on the floor and let the cool wood soothe the flushed skin of your forehead.

Isn’t this a fine fucking mess? Really, you wish you could sit here longer, but you know the noise probably attracted attention.

An “Eep!” tells you that exactly, actually.

With herculean effort, you jump to your feet...Or you try, and succeed in flopping over so that you stare at the wooden ceiling. What an oddly intact ceiling it is for being in Lynchburg, AKA hell on earth.

You cut your eyes to the person who made the Eep, intent on stalling until you had enough cognitive function and feeling in your arm to reach your gun.

When your gaze falls on the other person in the room, you can’t help but blink, since the person is not a person. But rather, a frightened looking purple pegasus-unicorn. The poor thing is almost shivering against the wall.

Then it opens it’s mouth. “Are… Are you okay?” she(?) asks unsurely, her voice akin to a young woman’s.

A sarcastic reply is on your tongue, but you hold it in favor of thinking and taking stock of what’s going on.

The government goons tossed you through a wormhole generator. That’s first, of course. No living being has ever actually MADE it through one of these things, if what you can infer is correct. And this is not Lynchburg, as Lynchburg has no stable buildings, never lacks uncomfortably close gunfire, and it certainly does not have purple ponies. Mission failed? Or...

Letting out a breath, your idle thoughts come to the surface. “Yeah, I’m fine. Physically at least. My day isn’t going too well, though.”

The purple pony freezes, the pupils AND iris in her large eyes shrinking to pinpricks as she looks at you. It takes a bit of effort to not flinch at the unnatural sight. If the generator killed you, then this might be the wrong afterlife. Kinda doubtful on that idea though, since your entire body is still throbbing painfully like one giant bruise.

You return your focus to the gaping purple pony.

Truly, you are out of fucks to give.

“Mind if I sit here for a moment?” You casually ask the small equine. “I really don’t want to get up.”

She nods absently, looking more past you than at you now. The purple pony slowly starts to tremble, worrying you some when it gets so bad you hear her legs knocking together. “Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no…”

Her trembling turns into a frantic little dance as she bounces on her hooves, making her wings flap clumsily. “Oh no oh no oh no oh no!”

The pitch of her voice starts to rise as her words get faster. “Ohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohno!”

You sigh for what seems the like the thousandth time today. Looks like you’re not getting the short break you wanted.

“IJUSTFOALNAPPEDASTALLIONI’MGOINGTOJAILORWORSETHEMOONNONONONONO!”

“What-napped a who? Going where?” You ask yourself quietly, wondering if you hear the words correct.

Purple.

“Gah!”

You recoil as the little pony is suddenly in your face, babbling at an unreal speed as she tears up. It’s only your still jumbled nerves that saves her from catching a reflexive jaw-breaking punch to her cute face.

“ENOUGH!”

Now it’s her turn to recoil.

Slowly, you pull yourself into a painful sitting position and face the other occupant of the small, dim room, careful to keep a hand hovering near your holstered pistol. For a moment, you just stare at her.

She stares back, blinking periodically as her heaving chest calms.

“So,” you start, making her ears perk. “What sort of drugs am I on? This is some high grade stuff with how vivid everything is.”

“D-drugs?” the pony parrots, her voice unsure. “I don’t… Do you…” She recoils again, head whipping backwards and her back arching like a frightened cat. “You think I drugged you?!”

“Didn’t you?” you ask while looking around the glass littered area. The pain in your eyes probably means busted blood vessels. “This time, it’s impressive. Normally it’s not as… Colorful. Lynchburg has never been so vibrant, even in some creepy basement.”

“I WOULD NEVER!” Your diminutive captor roars, outrage clear in her voice. “I’m not some shameless fratmare or something like that! The very thought makes me sick!”

You wince as her echoing voice only makes your ringing ears and migraine worse. “Fine then, let’s assume I believe that,” you say, fingering the rough grip of your real-feeling Glock through your gloves. “Why are you a pony that’s fit for a cartoon then?” No reaction to you touching your gun it seems.

“Wha..?”

“You’re a pony. Why?”

She blinks and tilts her head like a confused puppy. “Because I’m a pony and I’ve always been one..?”

You cross your arms, subtly feeling the mag pouches on your plate carrier. They feel real too, and the magazines even have the knife gouge you put on all your polymer mags as an ID mark.

“You sure?”

Her confusion only grows, as evidenced by her frown. “Yes, I’m sure. One hundred percent sure.”

Now it’s your turn to frown.

This is awful consistent for a hallucination. The shitters in Lynchburg don’t have the supplies, knowledge, or equipment needed to synthesize such a powerful psychoactive drug that isn’t lethal shortly after being administered. As far as you know, there are NO hallucinogens that can spoof tactile sensation so accurately, either. Even the post-war government and their loose morals hadn’t tried to develop something like that. And you sure as hell would not have been left with your entire equipment load, let alone your very real feeling guns.

With a growl, you pin your own lip between two canine teeth and chomp down. The sharp, new pain of the flap of flesh being pierced is first, then the copper tang of blood coats your tongue, bringing your senses to a near supernatural clarity.

Your eyes dart around, taking in everything before the burst of lucidity fades. Nothing changes.

With a frown, you look down at your own fingers and count them, muttering the numbers to yourself. With a drug this powerful, it should be similar to a dream where numbers don’t remain constant, but shift with your own mind’s unconscious whim.

“Ten…” Four times do you count ten fingers, each wiggling on command.

Your focused gaze lands on the pony, who pulls her own eyes from your hands with a flinch. She fidgets under your scrutiny, but otherwise stays still.

A thin, yet plush-looking coat of uniform violet. Wings just as real looking as a birds folded on her sides, twitching occasionally. A disheveled looking mane that bobs and sways with each movement of her head. All consistent.

“Oi.”

The pony starts, probably surprised by suddenly being addressed.

“Get up and do a twirl for me real quick.”

Once again, her head tilts in what you guess is confusion “Do a twirl?”

“Humor me, please.”

For a moment, she’s unmoving with her expression still in place. After a another second, the mare stands and slowly walks in a tight circle, her hooves clopping on the wooden floor like one might expect. The sound, the sway of her mane, the twitch if her wings, even her voice are all consistent.

You feel your mouth tighten into a thin line when the purple mare doesn't change. Not even the slightest bit.

“Motherfucker…”

This isn’t Lynchburg.

The dim, dusty room falls into a tense, uncomfortable silence. The talking pony looks around, seemingly unsure with how to proceed. To be honest, you’re not really sure yourself. Just where do you go from “Fall out of wormhole into pony basement then pass self administered drug test”?

“Erm…”

You look back up to the pony, hand resting on your hip just above your gun.

She paws at the floor. “I know this is probably strange for you, but maybe we,” she looks up at you, then gasps and cuts herself off. “You’re bleeding!”

You blink, then remember your self-inflicted wound and wipe at your mouth, smearing the back of your glove with red.

She stands with purpose suddenly, making you flinch and nearly draw from the unexpected action. The pony either didn’t notice, or more worryingly, didn’t care, and strode across the room to the sole bit of furniture in the dusty room. A simple table with several unassuming items. One of the items in a plain looking box of tissues that she retrieves with her mouth and trots back with.

“Whoa, hold up!”

You stop the bewildered pony just short of arms reach of you with a wave of your arm.

“Just… Drop them there, okay?” You ask, not wanting the pony to come too close.

She looks vaguely hurt, but does what you ask and leaves the box on the ground before she backs up a few steps.

Swiping a tissue, you hold it against the hole in your lip, the pain of which is becoming more prominent as your background pains slowly fade into dull aches.

“Like I was saying earlier,” starts the pony, gazing at you with a sideways look. “I think we may have got off on the wrong hoof.”

You raise an eyebrow at the odd, if fitting phrase. “Prehaps.”

The pony smiles, a cute expression. “I think introductions are in order. My name is Twilight Sparkle. It’s nice to meet you!” The now named Twilight says with refreshing cheer.

It’s enough to make the edges of your lips twitch upwards.

“Anonymous is my name,” you say, tapping a finger on the front of your armor. “Or just Anon for short.”

Twilight nods happily, then quickly sobers when her eyes glance around. “Oh. Yeah…” She paws at the ground in what you assume is a nervous gesture. “You’re probably wondering how you got here…”

Again, you feel an eyebrow raise, but nod.

“W-well. I was working on an advanced summoning spell, you see,” she begins, making your other eyebrow rise. “I didn’t ground or put a delay macro on the catalyst, so when I used my telekinisis near it, it pulled some of my mana and well, triggered without parameters besides the prebuilt ones.”

That did nothing but raise more questions you silly horse.

Twilight looks at the floor, her whole form sagging under an invisible weight. “And worst of all, I-I didn’t make any desummon triggers. So I… Can't send you back…”

What. The. Fuck.

“Huh?” you ask more out of reflex than anything.

The pony recoils slightly, as if struck. “I c-can’t send you back,” she repeats, voice cracking with emotion and eyes looking everywhere but you. “I foalnapped you…”

For a minute, you just sit, eyes narrowed at nothing as you process what she just said. Where do you fucking go from there? Magic? Summoning? Mana? You were sent here with some totally-not-stolen government tech, right? “Magic?” You question, starting to feel a bit overwhelmed. “Okay… How does that work?”

Twilight’s ears perk up as the gloom on her face lessens. “The summoning?”

“Yeah, sure.”

The purple mare taps her chin with a hoof in a surprisingly human gesture. “Well, I made a summoning circle out of chalk filled with Fabelmin runes, an older and largely utilitarian rune set. After that, I provided the chalk circle with a potent mana infusion drawn in by absorption runes in the primary set of the sect, which-”

“OKAY! Hold up!”

Your outburst earns you a startled yelp as Twilight’s forelegs shoot to cover her mouth.

“You’re only raising more questions here,” you tell her as you rub your temples, trying to keep your resurging migraine at bay. “Just an abridged version, please.”

“Sorry, Anon” Twilight says with a sheepish smile as her wings flutter a little. “I should have guessed a stallion wasn’t interested in specifics. I just used a magic powered rune circle to summon you on accident. And I didn’t make desummon triggers...” Her gloomy attitude returns, making her hang her head.

You groan under your breath at the pitiful sight.

“Look, Twilight was it? Maybe we can talk about this more in a more fitting place?” You ask, making her look up. “I’d also like to wash out the puncture on my lip if you’d allow…”

You punctuate your statement by pulling the now near-totally red tissue away from your lip, careful to not break the slowly forming scab, and showing her. You swear you see her go white under her purple coat while looking at the large blot of red.

“Ugh. Of course, where are my manners today? Let’s go upstairs.”

You grunt and slowly rise to your legs, trying to not to let just how sore you are become apparent.

Twilight just looks up at you with wide eyes as you finally hit your full height after what seems to be forever with your head hardly six inches from the ceiling.

“You… You looked much shorter while sitting,” she says simply, craning her neck back to look in your eyes..

You look down at her, seeing that the top of her head just barely cleared your belt. “Maybe you’re just short while standing?” you ask, an amused smirk finding its way to your face.

Twilight puffs her cheeks out indignantly and briskly turns, but you can see her lips upturned.

You silently trail after her as she trots to the set of shallow stairs on the side of the room where you duck slightly as you walk up, one stride of your own for every two of hers. Right before you and Twilight come to the door between the stairs and wherever else this building goes, a sudden PRESSURE makes itself known bearing down on senses.

You tense like a coiled spring, fingers wrapping tightly around the comforting grip of your pistol as the alien sensation washes over you. Like high air pressure on someone’s sinuous you feel it, yet, it’s not that. Something foreign and unsettling pushes down on part of you that doesn't exist, leaving the feeling of ice in the pit of your stomach.

It’s unnatural.

Your eyes are drawn to a soft violet glow just ahead of you accompanied by an odd sound. If you had to describe the sound in one word, it would be “glittering”. The origin of the odd phenomena? The spiraled horn on Twilight’s head.

“The fuck..?”

You watch in utter fascination as the doorknob in front of your equine acquaintance glows in the same corona of translucent color, then turns under it’s own power, letting the door swing outward and pouring light and fresh air down the stairwell.

Is that real magic? More questions plague your mind as the glow stops, and with it, the odd pressure upon you vanishes as well. Just what the fuck is going on here? Was that a directed zero-point field she just created? From her horn? Jesus christ you are so lost.

“Anon?”

You blink yourself out of your daze when you hear Twilight call to you from the top of the stairs. Directing your gaze up, you see the unicorn-pegasus looking down at you in your spot frozen halfway up, concern coloring her expression.

“Yeah, sorry. Just thinking…”

2 steps at a time, you walk up and leave the stairwell, squinting as your eyes adjust to the sudden sunlight.

“The bathroom is just down the hall to your right, last door.” Twilight provides as a largely wooden library foyer comes into focus before your eyes. “Feel free to take as long as you like cleaning up. I need to go inform my assistant of what’s going on.”

Awful trusting, this one. “Thanks. I’ll be just a minute.”

She smiles a sweet smile at you, then turns and calls “Spike! Can you come here? We’ve got a few things to talk about.”

With that, you walk down the hall she pointed out, keeping an eye over your shoulder as she trots off, presumably to find “Spike”. Odd name for another pony, if it’s not a pet dog or something. You smile at the peculiar thought. Little magic horses owning, domesticating, and breeding wolves to make dogs. Wouldn’t that be something?

As you close the door to the too-small bathroom door to a suspiciously human looking bathroom, you bend enough to see yourself in the bathroom mirror.

And the mask covering you shatters.

“Shit shit shit SHIT!”

Your trembling hands squeeze the rim of the porcelain sink so hard that your knuckles pop out against your gloves. “Jesus fucking christ, what is going on?” you ask your equally distraught reflection, desperately hoping for an answer.

The mirror offers no response, and even seems mocking in doing so.

Your self restraint almost snaps in the face of the urge to smash the mirror. Fuck. Fuck! What are you going to do?! You hang your head over the short sink, breathing deeply and trying to keep your stomach from violently emptying itself.

The bridge was the mother of all screw-ups. Typical government goons try and use something they have no idea how to control, like literally every film and book where it’s man vs government.

You have no idea where your team is. You may not have cared much for the poor bastards, but neither did you wish death, or worse, a trip to Virginia on them. Is this truly some odd parallel world? What did it? Was it the magic nonsense, or the Bridge’s malfunction that did it? Is the air filled with bacteria sure to kill you? The food and water maybe? So many questions and not a single damn answer. Why do you and Twilight speak the same language?

Twilight.

Just the thought of the purple pony makes confused frustration bubble in your chest. How does one even process encountering such an absurd creature? She maybe a sweetheart, but she still made you uneasy, maybe even fearful.

Few human opponents can say they’ve ever bested you.

But the little winged unicorn, chock full of unknown potential, is NOT human.

And Incognito...

The groaning sink rim in your hands is given reprieve as both your grip and arms go slack, nearly letting you fall and bust your chin on the faucet had you not caught yourself. He’s still back home.

With THEM.

You crane your head back up, taking in your own bone-white visage. Your mouth moves, but over the thundering of your own heart in your ears, any words you muttered are lost.

Vanduff would keep his end of the contract and take care of Nito, right? The man was a human shaped piece of shit, but following rules should be hardwired into him from years of being a cronie. The thought is less reassuring than it should be.

Most importantly, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO GET BACK?

...

Even with your thoughts running hard enough that your recently lost migraine returns with a vengeance, you still blank out save for one solution. Get Twilight’s help.

With a shaky sigh, you turn the water on and gently clean out the bite in your lip, letting the sound of the running water and the sting in your mouth distract you. Halfway through, you shrug off your pack and dig in it with one hand, fishing some spray-on fleshknit out.

“Man, this is going to suck…” You say, eyeballing the military issue can of miracle medicine. A GI’s Best Friend! It says on the side, as if the topical medication isn’t awful to use.

Closing your eyes, you grit your teeth and spray a tiny amount of the regenerative mixture on your lip, writhing as it turns into a stabbing pain and hisses like oil in a hot skillet. After just a minute of hissing and bubbling flesh, you eyeball the pus-like ooze and destroyed scab on your lip in the mirror and wipe it away, leaving unmarred skin behind. A poke with your tongue confirms that the hole inside your mouth is gone too.

With a deep breath, you glance at your now less pale expression and toss the spraycan back in your bag before shouldering said bag. You’ve dealt with worse than a little pony. This will be fine. Just play it cool like you have be doing and remember…

“...Friendly diplomacy is the most overpowered weapon in known history,” you say to yourself with a small smile. “Fuck off, Nito. Stop being right all the time.” Feeling a bit lighter, you head back out.

Twilight isn’t there when you come out, but you can hear talking some ways down. One was Twilight, the other was a younger, male voice. Her assitant maybe? As you rounded the corner into was seems to be a modest kitchen, the talking halts.

“Anon!”

Twilight turns away from her companion to address you, but you ignore her in favor of said companion.

Staring at you with his eyes popping out of his head is a short, purple scaled biped with green eyes and fins along his head and back. The little guy is standing on a chair in front of a sizzling pan on the stove with a… heart covered apron on.

You said you were out of fucks to give earlier. Now you mean it.

Luckily before things could get awkward, Twilight steps in. “Spike,” she starts, addressing the small reptile, who finally pulls his eyes off you. “This is Anonymous,” she says, waving a foreleg at you. “Depending on circumstances, he might be…” She winces. “Staying with us for a while…” The winged unicorn lets out a sheepish and none too happy laugh. “Anon, this is Spike. He’s my number one assistant. Without him, I couldn't keep the library running.”

So this IS a library, eh?

Spike somehow blushes through his scales at the praise. “It’s nothin’ really…” He mutters, still cooking was seems to be an omelet. “I like to think I do more than just help with the library though,” he starts, tone sly. “If I didn’t cook for her, I think Twilight might have keeled over from terrible nutrition by now.”

Your lips rise into a smirk at the little lizard’s snark.

“Spike!” Twilight cries, her face red. “I’m not that bad of a cook. Really.”

Spike looks back at her, his expression saying more than words could. “Boiling water for haymon noodle cups isn’t cooking.”

“It is!”

“Mares…” mutters Spike with a shake of his head and he turned his attention back to the pan. “I thought you said you weren't summoning a coltfriend down there. What’s up with this guy?”

A snicker almost makes it past your mouth. If “Coltfriend” means what you think it means… Fuuuuuck this little guy is spitting fire.

“Spike Sparkle!” Twilight retorts sharply, making the young male flinch. “What happened here is a tragic accident. I’ve explained this already. The jokes are unwarranted.”

You stay silent, unsure if this was their dynamic or if it was even appropriate to interrupt.

Twilight turns to you, her face apologetic. “I’m sorry about that. He spoke without thinking.”

You wave away the apology and step a little closer. “It’s fine. It happens to the best of us. It was a little funny, to be honest.”

Spike shoots you a grateful look that morphs into surprise as he gets a better look at you. “You’re tall,” he says bluntly.

“I’ve been getting that a lot,” you tell him with a small smile. You turn your head to Twilight, who looks up at you curiously. “Anyway, sorry about the abrupt change in topic here, but I think we’ve got an overdue conversation.”

“Oh, right… I’ve got some explaining to do…” The little pony solemnly recalls. She moves past you to the short table as her horn lights up again, and with that, the uncomfortable pressure on a sense that you don't have returns.

Glowing purple, chairs pull out for both you and Twilight at the table of their own accord. The glow vanishes a moment later, leaving just mundane wooden furniture and relieving the phantom pressure on you.

You stare at the small chair distrustfully, as if it would transform into a monster at a moment’s notice. Really, for all you knew, it would.

“Is something wrong?” Twilight asks in a worried tone.

Your mouth thins into a straight line. “Yes. What was that you just did?”

Purple wings ruffle as Twilight shifts on her chair. “I don’t understand the question?”

“The purple aura,” you say, gesturing to the chair with a hand. “What was that?”

Large violet eyes blink at you, as if unsure. “My… Magic? Every unicorn can use it.”

Your blood turns to ice in your veins. Every unicorn can do that? Magic? Every one? As in, there is more than just her. More creatures that can just casually claim to tear space and time apart on a whim. If they can do that, then what ELSE can they do, these unicorns? Just the implications alone...

Your hands are suddenly clammy under your gloves.

You blink, not sure if the tall stallion..? Well, he’s male, so it’s not entirely inaccurate...If the tall stallions was serious. “My… Magic? Every unicorn can use it.”

Well, you’re no unicorn anymore, but your statement is still accurate.

You nearly jump out of your chair in fright when Anon’s hard eyes shoot up from the chair you pulled out for him to your own eyes, pinning you in place. Try as you might though, you can’t shrink under the intense leer.

You can stand eye to eye with Princess Celestia.

You can stand defiant in the face of real monsters.

And even full of fear, you've stared down the likes of Discord and Nightmare Moon.

But Anon’s foal-like orbs stare down at you with something you have no name for, something that made your skin crawl and set a lump of ice in your stomach. You don't even realize that you’re quaking on your seat until the chair legs start squeaking on the floor.

Even Spike, who isn’t directly looking seems affected by the heavy atmosphere. He keeps glancing back over his shoulder and his usually steady arms quiver slightly as a third omelette is slowly made.

Idly, you note Anon’s paw, hand? Hovering over the black plastic protrusion at his hip.

You gulp, trying vainly to stop the cold sweat starting to dot your coat. “A-anon?”

He doesn't respond, but you see a drop of sweat run down the side of his face and off his chin, where it hits the ground with a quiet pap!

He’s sweating?

Your muzzle twitches. He is sweating. You can smell the sharp tang of sweat, a copper smell you can't place, and another, indescribable smell that makes your nose tingle slowly filling the room. You finally tear your eyes away from his and look lower, and as you look, shame slowly supersedes your unease.

A xenobiologist you are not, but only a blindpony would not see how tense the poor biped is. It’s hard to tell under his clothing, but the bend of his knees and the slight lean towards the doorway tell you all you need to know.

He’s afraid. Afraid of you and ready to bolt. And you’re just sitting here sounding unsure and shifty, making it worse for the poor stallion. Tartarus, what would the princess say about you terrorizing some stallion that you FOALNAPPED?

Did he even have magic in his home? Could that be it? Or did you perform some sort of taboo with your magic? But the idea of a world without magic is nearly unthinkable. That’s like a world with no air, or no sun. How would it work?

You take a deep breath and feel your nerves smooth over. “Anon?” You ask, much more gently this time.

His unsettling stare breaks and the tension in the room leaves all at once like air let out of a balloon.

“Twilight?” He asks, blinking. “Sorry about that. I must have spaced out.”

“That’s fine!” you tell him sincerely. “This is probably a lot to taken in at once.”
He nods and crosses his long arms, looking at the chair you offered with a bit less venom than before. “So my biggest question…” he starts, trailing off into silence as his brows furrow. You suppress a smile. Without the unsettling look in his eyes, he looks kind of like a grumpy foal while thinking.

“Am I going to die?”

Your coat stands on end. This got dark really fast. You even see Spike’s head whirl around from his spot at the stove, his jaw dropped.

“I have no idea what gave you that impression, Anon,” you say, trying to sound as disarming as you can. “But I would NEVER even think o-”

“Not you,” the biped-you really need to ask the name of his species-said with a shake of his head. “I’m an alien here, Twilight. How do I know the very air here isn’t slowly melting my insides? For all I know, I have no defence from the microbes in the air and I’m already on borrowed time,” he says darkly.

You wince, both at the morbid vision and the surprise of the question itself.

“No, actually. I think you’ll be fine.”

“You think?” He asks, his face falling.

“I KNOW you’ll be fine,” you hastily correct yourself. “It would be careless if I just summoned any old thing. That circle came pre-programmed to pick only lifeforms that are able to survive in the environment surrounding the circle.”

“Pfft. No wonder it was the basement. You really were trying to get a coltfriend…” Spike mutters as he plates the third omelette.

“Spike!” you half admonish, half whine. You whirl around when Anon snorts and holds a hand in front of his upturned lips. “Don’t encourage him!”

“It was clever,” he says simply, not moving his hand.

You just groan and return to your explanation. “Like I was saying, you would not have been chosen only to,” you gulp. “Die, right after. I entered no parameters before I accidentally activated the circle, but the prebuilt ones ensured that only a creature that could survive on Equis would be brought here.”

You glance at the chair he still refuses to sit in. “Magic vulnerability, or lack thereof was considered too.”

He seems to understand and shrugs off the large bag on his back, setting it against the wall. Yeesh. It’s big enough to carry a pony in.

With a grumble, Anon slowly sits on the chair, as if he expected it to jump up and attack him. He has to cross his legs a bit to keep his knees under the pony sized table, however.

“And how exactly did the circle know that I would fit all of said parameters?” Anon asks, resting his head in his hand. “Obviously I’m no expert, and I’m assuming a lot here, but it would have to have some level of sensory ability and decision making skills to pick what it brought back. And let’s not forget the absurd amount of power such a thing had to use to reach across space and maybe time in the first place. This maybe fuckin’ magic, but there has to rules to it, right?”

You blink and find your mouth opening before you closed it with a click!.

“Thats… A line of questioning I didn’t expect from you,” you admit, your surprise fading in favor of a smile. “Actually, I would love to explain the intricacies of magic catalysts and how summoning with one works if you would listen.”

“Okay, hold on with the nerd talk.”

You lean back as a plate with a hot veggie omelette, a fork, and a glass of orange juice finds their home in front of you on the table courtesy of a small, scaled paw.

Another set is placed in front of a surprised Anonymous.

Finally, one final set of hot breakfast is set on an unoccupied side of the table, where Spike pulls himself into the chair and into view.

“Maybe we could eat first and save the heavy talks for later?” The young drake suggests, crushing a small emerald in his paws and sprinkling it on his food. “They say eggs are brain food, after all.”

You open your mouth the disagree, but your stomach makes your decision for you when it growls loud enough for both Spike and Anon to look at you. With a blush, you look away spear some of the egg treat on your fork after you pick it up in your telekinesis. “Well, I guess it can't hurt,” you murmur, taking a bite of the delicious omelette

Spike’s smirk tells you he already knew what you were going to say.

Smug little booger.

Anon, however is just looking at his food in surprise, not moving to have any.

Your assistant takes notice halfway to a bite of his own. “Is… Is something wrong with it, Anonymous?” he asks, worry and self-consciousness in his words.

Anon looks up at Spike, an expression you can’t name on his face. “Nothing at all, kiddo. It’s just…” He picks up his fork in his right hand, flipping it between his fingers dexterously. “It’s been a long time since I’ve had something home cooked. I guess you kinda caught me off guard,” he says, looking at the wall with a faraway look in his eyes. He then turns to Spike, a soft smile on his face. “Thank you, Spike. I mean it.”

The drake looks at the floor, his cheeks red. “Aww, don't thank me till you’ve tried it,” he half-heartedly deflects.

“If it’s half as good as it looks, then it’ll be the best thing I’ve had in years,” Anon replies airly.

For a few minutes, it’s just you, your assistant, and what you hope will be a friend who one day forgives you for your grievous wrong, all enjoying a calm meal.

“Say, Anon?” Spike asks suddenly as he finishes his last bite.

“Hmm?” The taller of the two bipeds inquires through a savored a sip of juice.

“What’s ‘Fuckin’ mean?”

You’re really glad it was only a small sip of juice Anon was drinking, or you would have been covered in it.

Author's Note

I did things
Point out mistakes fampai

Chapter 2: Calming Crashcourse

Twilight sighs in contentment as she sets her fork down. “I don't know how you make just eggs and leftover veggies so good, Spike.”

As another small bite of your own meal goes down, you can’t help but share the sentiment. The little lizard has gone above and beyond. “My compliments, as well,“ you start, cutting another small piece with the edge of your fork. “I would not expect a little lizard like you to be so accomplished at a young age..?” You trail off and glance at Twilight, who seems to understand your unspoken question and nods.

The bashful expression on Spike’s face drops as he processes your words, his eyes narrowing. “Hey!” he exclaims, startling you some. “I’m not a lizard, I’m a dragon. Can’t you tell?”

“Erm…” Again, you look to Twilight for help, hoping you didn’t just commit some sort of major faux pas. You really need to start choosing your words better.

“Spike,” she starts after meeting your eyes. “Anon’s not even from this world, remember? I doubt he could tell what you are at a glance.” As she says that, an odd expression you have trouble identifying flashes past her face. She looks closer at you with a questioning glint in her purple orbs.

“Well…” Spike starts, his hostility seemingly defused. “Okay, I can understand that, but!” He looks at you sharply. “I’m a dragon, NOT a lizard.”

“Got it,” you tell him with your hands up and palms facing him, hoping he’ll take it as a disarming gesture.“I’ll remember it. I didn’t intend to offend.”

The indignation drains from the purple reptile. “Eh. No harm done I guess.”

“That actually brings me to what I wanted to ask you both.”

Green meets purple as the two odd creatures in front of you look at each other, then back to you.

After pushing your empty plate to the side, you lean forward and lace your fingers together. “We’ve already got introductions out of the way, but I’m going to need more information on both your people and this place. Forgive me for being blunt, but I get the feeling that my commissioning a way back to my home is going to be a long and maybe costly affair.”

Twilight’s mouth starts to open to say something, but you keep going.

“So it’s not unreasonable to assume I’ll be here for... a while,” you tell them, your voice grim. “If I’m going to live and work here until I can return back, then I would appreciate some of your time in the form of an… information exchange. I have a great number of things I would like to know, and I assume you have at least a few questions. The last thing I want to do here is make my stay unpleasant because I accidentally offend someone.” Your piece said, lean on your arms and anxiously await a response.

Both the pony and the dragon look at each other, both seeming confused. Then as one, they both turn your attention to you.

...

As subtly as you can, you gulp and try to keep keep your breathing even as the large green and purple eyes bore into you with unnatural scrutiny. People always say that the eyes are the windows to the soul, but what good do the large eyes do you if the soul you peer into is so confusingly familiar, yet otherworldly? You didn’t just offend them, did you?

“Anon…” Twilight starts off carefully, as if raising her voice would cause catastrophe. “I… We…” She stops, her gaze traveling along the wall unsurely as if what she wants to say is written there.

“Wait! You think Twilight is just going to kick you to the curb and CHARGE you for her helping?!” Spike sputters, as if the the very notion is unthinkable. “How did you even come to that?!” The young drake seems to have summed up his older companion’s thoughts since her attention returns to you.

Faced with the small reptile’s accusing face and Twilight’s odd expression you cannot hope to place, you crush the sudden and powerful urge to turn away.

What did he mean by that? ‘How did you even come to that’, you mean.

You have to pay for services. It’s as simple as that... Unless the economy here is something you’re not familiar with. With powers such as magic at their disposal, you can’t imagine that Twilight’s people are wanting for anything.

Unbidden, old fairy tales of fae, sprites, and other spirits whose blood ran rich with magic comes to the forefront of your mind.

Sweat dots your brow.

It’s all stories of said spirits using their titanic power to draw mortals into one-sided deals and monkey-paw wishes for their own amusement. Some of the old tales are just magic creatures outright abusing their gifts, delighting in the suffering the unlucky souls who wandered past them.

None of the malicious creatures could hope to match the godly feat that Twilight claims to have done. What part that the Einstein-Rosen bridge played in everything is unknown, but you’ve seen examples of the magic at work. At the absolute least, Twilight can induce anomalous phenomena, which is more than enough reason to be wary of her.

The small pang of guilt in your chest for keeping your hand in your lap just a twitch away from your Glock fades.

“Unless I’m mistaken, which I very well could be,” you start, breaking out of your dark thoughts, “then usually there’s some kind of payment involved when someone performs a service for you, am I right or no?

“You’re right…” Twilight murmurs, looking away again.

You nod, already wracking your brain for a profitable talent where magic is common. Unsurprisingly, you dont-

“...But I’m not taking any money for it.”

-Come up with much. Maybe you could-!

“Wait, what?!” you yelp, tensing your limbs to both run and draw your weapon in one movement. If she’s wanting something other than currency…

A full body shiver runs down your spine. Thoughts that would not be out of place in a Lovecraftian book come to the forefront of your mind.

The small winged unicorn tilts her head “Anon? What the mat...ter…” she asks, her voice trailing off as her face goes pale, an impressive feat given her fur. “No no no!” She shouts, frantically waving her forelegs as her ruffled wings shoot open. “I-it’s not THAT I’m after! Not t-t-to say you’re, um a-ah? B-because you’re very, um, I don’t even… I would never ever force something like that on ANY stallion!”

A nervous ‘Heh’ finds it’s way out of your throat. “You sure? I can’t very well fight magic of all things…”

YOU STUPID FUCK WHAT HAPPENED TO THINKING BEFORE TALKING?!

Your hostess’ face goes from white to green in an unnervingly human show of illness. “A-anon, no… I would never…Especially n-not with magic...” she says weakly, her ears and wings drooping.

“U-um. Guys?”

Both you and a still green Twilight turn to Spike, who is nervously wringing the end of his tail in his paws.

The guilt clutching your chest comes back for a different reason now.

“Erm… Why don't you go get the girls, Spike?” Twilight asks gently, a reassuring smile blooming on her face. “I’m sure this is something they’ll want to know about.”

Spike nods demurely and slides out of his chair, padding away out of the kitchen. A few seconds later, a door with a squeaky hinge opens, then shuts.

It’s silent now.

A minute passes, and Twilight doesn't strike you down.

Then five minutes pass. Your gaze is firmly glued to your own lap.

“Anon?”

Your head shoots up, and you can't hold back a cringe at Twilight’s forcefully neutral face.

“I’m sorry.”

The apology is weak, and to your shame, timid. She doesn't answer right away.

Finally, she lets out a shaky breath. “I understand this is a lot to take in, and is probably frightening, Anon. I cannot apologize enough for trapping you here, but please.” Her face slowly falls into a frown. “Even if you're only implying such… things, don't do so in front of Spike. He’s young, but well read. He understands more than he should, but a school-colt age drake has no business hearing such things. Neither do I enjoy the attack to my integrity.”

You’ve genuinely overstepped yourself now. Don’t suggest magic torture in front of kids, got it. Easy.

A nod is her answer, as you don't trust your dry mouth to work correctly.

Her smile returns. “Thank you.” Just as she opens her mouth to speak further, both you and her jump a little when the sound of the door opening and slamming shut echos through the library.

“Hey, Twilight!”

With a whoosh! of displaced air so violent that your ears pop, a flying, blue pony enters the kitchen so fast that it may have as well materialized from thin air.

Wait, flying?

For what seems to be the hundredth time today, you find yourself wondering if your eyes are deceiving you.

Hovering around head height is another pony, similar to Twilight in body structure, but totally different in coloration. It’s coat is the same color as the sky on a cloudless day and, ridiculously enough, it’s mane and tail are streaked in the colors of the rainbow. But what grabs your attention the most is the fact that the eye-catching pony is hovering with lazy flaps of wings FAR too small to hold it’s frame aloft. You’re no biologist or an expert on avians, but the surface area on those wings…

Someone would have better results hopping off a roof with cardboard strapped to their arms, or so you think. Were the wings on Twilight not some sort of vestigial evolutionary leftover after all?

“So I got done with the first Cyclone Rider book and you were right, it was awesome!” The interloper says in a rough, but still feminine voice. “Get’s kinda sappy and magic-nerdy at parts, but I guess you need something between all the action,” she says, setting the book on the table. “Does it have a sequel?” She asks eagerly, tapping the hardback book with a hoof.

“Erm, Rainbow Dash? I’ve kind of got company...”

Her name is RAINBOW DASH? Jesus, even with the threat of Twilight unmaking you or some other unholy punishment, you still almost bite out a cutting remark.

The now named Rainbow Dash follows Twilight’s nervous gaze to you, looking over her shoulder to do so. Her mouth drops open into an “O” shape as her interest in her book is forgotten. The nearby air is displaced in a rush once again as the flying pony moves so fast that she vanishes and reappears.

Right in your face, her magenta eyes just inches from yours.

Instinct takes over.

“Shit!”

Your chair flies and clatters loudly against the wall with how fast your rise and retreat, hand on your pistol.

Rainbow recoils herself. Startled, she flies up and out of your reach. Her wide eyes then narrow as a frown forms on her face. “Hey pal, what’s the big idea?” she demands more than asks. Her chest puffs up as she finishes speaking, making the tuft of fur on her front poof out, and you hear what sounds like a threatening trill in the back of her throat.

“The big idea?” you ask, perturbed. “Your face was inches from mine. Did you expect me to react any other way?”

The rainbow pony’s glare loses it’s edge, a twinge of confusion replacing it.

“Rainbow, hold on!” Twilight cuts in, her tone demanding. “Let me explain for once BEFORE you fly off the handle.”

With a displeased grumble, Rainbow lowers herself into the chair Spike had vacated and folds her wings, leveling you with a narrow stare.

You, meanwhile, hook a foot around the leg of your own chair and pull it back under you, sitting and trying to keep your trembling limbs still as your adrenal glands stops feeding superhuman energy into your system.

Twilight’s apologetic expression and Rainbow’s slowly falling face tell you that you didn’t hide it well enough.

A sigh escapes you. God damn these little equines and their ability to make you feel like the bad guy when they’re in the wrong. It’s the faces, you silently surmise. The child-like faces of these quadrupeds practically splash neon colors of emotion in each feature you care to name on them.

“Maybe we started off on the wrong foot…” You offer to Rainbow, making her perk up in interest. “Rainbow Dash, was it? My name is Anonymous, or Anon for short.”

The remaining guilt on the winged pony’s face disappears, replaced with a half-smile. “Heya. Names Rainbow Dash, but you knew that. I’m Ponyville’s weather manager and the fastest pegasus pony alive!” She exclaims, voice brimming with pride.

So, blue and fast? It’s only your desire to not burn bridges that keeps the Sonic joke on your tongue suppressed. Knowing your luck, it’ll still count as an insult here.

Her intro answered some questions, and raised others, though.

“The pleasure’s all mine,” you say, trying and remaining pleasant. It wasn’t hard when your space wasn’t being invaded. “I’m sorry in advance if this is offensive, but Ponyville? If your people are called ponies, then doesn't that seem a little…Silly? It’s like if I founded a town and just called it ‘Humantown’ or something,” you say, pushing a little to see how either of the ponies responded.

The prismatic pegasus furrows her brows and brings a hoof to her chin, a thoughtful “Hmm” in her throat. She holds the pose for a grant total of seven seconds before shrugging carelessly.

At the same time, her horned and winged friend’s eyes widen as a grin finds it’s way to her face. Pressure builds and levels out on your strange phantom sense as a quill, an inkpot, and a length of parchment float into the room. “So your species are called ‘hyomanes’?” She asks, seemingly delighted with the new information. “I’ve been wondering. I’ve got so many questions, in fact!” Twilight says joyfully as her inked quill scratches at the parchment rapidly. “Would you mind answering a few?” she asks, eyes bright with hope.

“Soon,” you tell her, withholding a wince as her look goes from “kid on Christmas” to “kicked puppy” in a split second. “You sent Spike out of find some of your friends, right?”

The purple pony nods despondently.

“Maybe we should wait for them, just so I’m not explaining this a bunch of times.”

Twilight mulls it over. “I guess I can wait,” she finally concludes with obvious reluctance. Her floating writing tools settle on the table and the pressure on your sense fades.

“Say,” Rainbow chimes in, blinking at you curiously. “How do you know Twilight, Anon? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a… Whatever you are before.”

“If I’ve been hearing right,” you begin, sending Twilight a glance, “then Twilight summoned me on accident with magic. More things could be at play, but it’s just speculation right now.” It could have been nothing, but you swear Twilight’s ear twitched when you said ‘More things could be at play’.

“Hmm…”

Rainbow takes flight with a single beat of her wings, hovering closer to you, but thankfully not enough that a reflexive swing would catch her. “So you’re like an alien, or something?” She asks, her head tilting to the side.

You give her a simple nod.

A grin blossoms on her face. “That’s cool. You ever zap bad gals with an alien zapper? Or ever...” Her grin turns mischievous “Ever probe somepony?”

“OKAY! We’re stopping that one there!” the redfaced winged unicorn cuts in. “I think you’ve watched one too many cheesy alien flicks, Rainbow,” she finishes, tone accusing.

Flicks? As in movies? That tells you a little more about ponies, or at least their technological level.

The rainbow hued pony looks between you and her friend, eventually stopping on her fellow pony. “Twi? What was the point in doing your summoning thing?”

“I wanted to make friend’s across worlds,” your purple host explains, her whole form deflating. “I thought it would be a jumpstart on my new duties considering I’m the Princess of Friendship.”

Princess of Friendship? Is that ceremonial title or something? The way she said it seems to mean something more literal.

“But I made a mistake, and trapped Anon in Equestria,” she finishes, looking at the floor with the sparkle in her large eyes dim.

Gloom settles over the quant kitchen.

Rainbow uneasily looks between you and the now downtrodden Twilight, her muzzle scrunched up in an expression you have no analog for. Then you can practically see the light bulb blink into being above the hovering pony’s head. “Say, Twi?”

The ‘princess’ looks up at her now slyly smirking friend. “So you can’t send away what you bring here, eh? How’s about making me a harem of guys?”

Twilight’s forehead meets the table with an entertaining Thunk! and a groan. “Real classy, Rainbow.”

The pegasus just laughs, but her friend smiles too.

“So, earth ponies, unicorns, pegasi...”

You point up to a long since bored Rainbow, who is doing lazy loops through the air.

“Alicorns...”

You then point the the smiling purple alicorn.

“... And others, in Equestria the pony nation, lead by princesses of which you are one, on Equis. Did I miss anything?”

Other than your god damn marbles? Even just a basic look at this world you accidentally found yourself in is absolutely daffy.

“Nope!” Twilight chirps happily. “It’s a very general rundown of Equestria, but I can explain more as we go. Now we can get to those other questions you had. I’ve got a few of my own, too.” A mote of purple light appears next to the beaming alicorn, and with it, the pressure on you whenever she uses magic. The mote pops like a luminescent bubble, leaving a long, floating scroll that unravels.

...All the way to the floor and out the kitchen doorway, and it’s covered in small font writing.

Jesus.

“Did you write enough, highness?” you ask with a raised brow.

Twilight looks up at you sternly. “Anon, there’s no need for friends to call me by my title. In fact, I prefer if you don’t.”

You frown at the word ‘friends’, but keep your comments to yourself.

She turns her gaze downward at the long roll of paper, laughing nervously and looking away as her tail gives a short flick. “I may have gone a little overboard with my list, though.”

Down the hall outside the kitchen, you finally hear the scroll stop rolling and snort.

“Maybe.”

She doesn't dignify you with a reply, but Rainbow’s badly muffled laughs above and the inside of the alicorn’s folded ears turning red tell you all you need to know.

You smile and lean back as much as you can in the small wooden chair, feeling content, maybe even relaxed.

The mare being poked fun at clears her throat, the extra color fading from her face. “Spike should be getting back soon. The mares he’s bringing with him are both mine and Rainbow’s friends, as well as local heroines with us. Once we get them up to speed on what happened, they’ll play a large part in getting you settled here, Anon.”

“Local heroines, you say?” You ask, interest coloring your words.

“Local? That’s it, Twi?” the pegasus circling the room in a slow glide asks with an almost offended tone to match her once again scrunched muzzle. “Don’t listen to that, Anon. We’re known all around the world!”
Rainbow touches down and rears back on her hind legs, throwing punches at a myriad of invisible aggressors. “Bam, bop, POW! Every time some big-teat wannabe shows up to pull their shenanigans. The girls and me,” she stops to wink one large eye at you, “mostly me, gotta stop them.”

“Gotta stop them..?”

“Yup.” Replies Rainbow casually, crossing her forelegs as she continues standing

You lick your dry lips, only to realise that your mouth is dry too.

“Usually, we can talk down anypony looking for trouble,” Twilight interjects with a frown directed at her fellow pony. “Sometimes, SOMETIMES! We use a bit of force to detain them. After that, we find them the appropriate help for their issues. Even then, rarely do we run into actually dangerous situation. Stop fibbing to the poor hyuman.”

Rainbow’s face turns sour at being called out. “Yeah, fine. But cool stuff still happens around us!” she insists, falling back to four legs.

You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. The more you learn and converse with these two, the more you think that some of your fear is unwarranted.

”CrimFa” a voice in the back of your head whispers in malicious glee, bringing you back to full alert at the memories. Fuckers…

The sound of the library door opening jars you out of your thoughts before they can drag you down. The squeaky hinge is followed by multiple sets of hooves on wood and the almost missed pit-pat of small feet.

“That must be them,” Twilight says, her already high mood lifting even further. “I’ll go get everything started. Just stay here for a second, please.”

The alicorn trots out the room and is meet with a chorus of greetings and lively conversation that lowers just enough that you loose details.

You steady your slowly fraying nerves with a breath and glance over to the colorful pegasus now hovering at your side. “Alright,” you start, catching her attention. “On a scale of one to ten, how big of a fiasco is this going to be?”

”It probably won’t be.” Rainbow says with a shrug. “You’re a cool guy, and I don’t think any of the girls would be willing to put their hooves on you even if they wanted to.”

Your lips turn downward at the remark, and you file it away for later. “So it probably won’t be a disaster. That’s something I guess.”

The mare rolls her large eyes. “You’re overthinking this, dude. You’ll be fine.”

“Right, sure…” You mutter, unconvinced.

“For real?”

You blink when the mare moves herself in front of you, keeping aloft at head height with with beginnings of a scowl on her muzzle.

“This is probably really freaky, and I… Don't think I would keep it together as well as you are, being pulled away from my life and stuff…” she admits, her frown leaving as she rubs the back of her head. “But don’t sweat it, okay? I promise you that they’ll help out, and they’ll even like you. Even if they won’t, I will,” says, both her voice and expression firm.

Your mouth drops open as you try and form a response, but your brain just shorts out, leaving you speechless. That was… a lot of sincerity.

“Rainbow? Anon?” A voice calls before you can pull your thoughts back into order.

The prismatic pony grins reaches out with a hoof to nudge you. Her grin falls a little when you step out of her reach, but it doesn't leave her face. “Comon. That’s our cue.”

Clenching your fists so hard that your nails would have drawn blood had they been uncovered, you scoop up and shoulder the pack against the wall and follow.

Each step felt like an eternity. Though each footfall from you made little if any sound even in your boots, it still sounded like cannon fire to you.

Twilight is powerful. Godlike even if her claims hold true. She’s also in possession of a heart of gold, or profoundly skilled in hiding her true thoughts. Either way, you felt that you could dodge or divert any wraith of hers and keep yourself safe while still working on your arrangement with her. She was just one variable.

Spike and Rainbow added another layer to it all, but both seemed to defer to the purple alicorn, limiting what they could do. Although each added more complexity to the situation, they are plenty manageable.

But now you’re about to face four more unknowns in an unknown area with unknown intentions. Rainbow and Twilight may say the new arrivals are there to help you, but can you be sure? All it takes is one misstep from either party to bring this whole thing to the ground in a burning heap of resentment and offence.

Now, Rainbow is rounding the corner to the main library room just ahead of you.

Out of the corner of your eye, you spy a window set into the side of the hallway. One low enough for you to run through. From there, past the rustic, fairytale-esque town of Ponyville, is a large, dense forest. Several hundred yards away, if your eyes don’t fail you.

Just one good sprint could put you into an element you're far more experienced in. One where you don’t have to play the game of niceties or be around ponies with the power to break the natural laws you thought to be absolute.

You could have rules you know by heart in there.

“And what if the forest doesn't play by the rules, either?” the voice in the back of your head purrs. “Can you really survive in there? Evading people is one thing...”

The thought stops you.

This is a different world, and you don't know the rules. Trying to run could get you killed faster for sure. You HAVE to take the route ahead.

Just a take a deep breath, and steel your nerves you sorry bitch. If you can't do that, fake it.

“Anon?” Twilight calls just beyond the threshold of the foyer.

Following your own advice, you breathe deep and step around the corner.

Seven sets of eyes amid a sea of colorful ponies stare you down.

You stare back, forcing yourself not to fidget.

Crushing tension grips the room, suffocating everyone and leaving both you and them mute, but it gives you time to observe the supposed national heros.

A pink earth pony looks up at you with wonder in her blue eyes, as if your very being boggled her mind. Other than her bright pink coat and the twitches of unspent energy running along her frame, there’s nothing outstanding about her. An itch at the back of your mind tells you there is more to her, however.

A white unicorn with a curly purple mane and tail is next in line. She stands a bit behind her fellows, seemingly more delicate than them, if her thinner limbs and softer form are anything worth judging. She doesn't seem to keep her attention on any one part of you for too long, preferring to let her focus wander.

Just ahead of her is the third new arrival, an orange-coated earth pony with the most clothing of any of them, a simple stetson hat. She lacks the soft looking exterior of the rest of her group, and is instead coated in corded muscle that stands out ever so slightly against her skin. She studies you with guarded, but not hostile emerald green eyes.

The last one throws you for a loop.

A pegasus with a butter yellow coat and a long pink mane and equally long tail who keeps her timid eyes averted. Her hung head, slight tremble, and spot in the back of the group suggests a passive nature. But when her eyes dart up to connect to yours for a split second, she stills, and then transforms.

Her head rises, her tremble stills, and her stance becomes balanced, but the most prominent change is in her pale blue orbs. What was once an anxious, nervous stare is now filled with profound melancholy, and countless unspoken questions spurred by her unreal scrutiny.

A tiny amount of pressure pushes on your phantom sense.

You look away not a second later, decidedly uncomfortable. A second later, the pressure fades.

Just as it seems the silence will stretch on, it’s broken.

“Wowie! He really IS tall! You sure you didn’t do your magic circle thing for some kinda amazon kink, Twilight?” The pink one exclaims, looking over to the only alicorn in the group.

A loud thunk! echos in the library as said alicorn’s shocked face slams into the floor, courtesy of her falling over. Not a moment later, she scrambles back to her hooves. “Why does everypony keep making that joke!?” she cries to the ceiling.

Your lips twitch.

Most of them were mute, anyway…

Like a burst bubble, all the pressure is gone.

Rainbow, Spike, and the pink one break out into shameless laughter. The orange one smirks and pulls down her hat to try and cover it while the new pegasus blushes and paws at the ground. The unicorn...

“Pinkie, really?” The white unicorn asks, clearly unamused. “Must you make such bawdy quips in front of Spike and our stallion guest? It’s hardly befitting a gentlemare.”

“Aw comon, Rarity,” the now named Pinkie replies cheerfully, reaching over to elbow the prim pony. “It was funny, admit it~!”

Rarity purses her lips, but doesn't refute the statement.

“Aww don't be such a stick in the mud, Rares.” Rainbow says, hovering low near Rarity with a grin. “Anon thinks it was funny. Right, big guy?”

Fuck you Rainbow. Don't put people on the spot like that!

You give the pegasus a half-hearted nod but say nothing, making her grin a bit wider and earning you a look of comical betrayal from Twilight.

“See? Twi’s perma-virginity is always worth poking at.”

“And now that she’s a princess…” Pinkie slides in close to Rarity and Rainbow, throwing a foreleg over with the withers of both mares and bringing them close. “She’ll probably have guys lining up to poke at her virginity, if you know what I mean,” she whispers to both deviously.

Rarity looks away, distaste coloring her face. Rainbow just snickers.

“Giiirrrrllls…” Twilight whines piteously.

You bring up a fist to hide your amused smile This is starting to sound like Nito’s old frathouse.

“If y’all are done making fun of poor Twi here,” The orange earth mare interjects with a badly hidden smirk. “Ah believe we’ve got some introductions to make,” she finishes with a southern twang and a wave of a foreleg.

Rarity slips out from under Pinkie’s hold and steps forward with her horn lit up in a light blue. Just like with Twilight, but notability fainter, you feel the magic on your phantom sense. “Of course, if we’re done acting like school-fillies, I’ll go first,” she says, smoothing down her mussed up coat with a band of light blue magic fitted to her torso. “Mister Anonymous, my name is Rarity and it’s a pleasure to meet you,” she introduces herself with a polite smile.

Pinkie vaults right over Rarity, landing in front of the startled unicorn with a thump!

“I’m Pinkie Pie!” The pink mare exclaims with a wide, boisterous grin. “If you ever need anypony for anything, come find me!”

“Names Applejack, hun’.” Says the blonde earth pony with a calm smile. “And what Pinkie said goes for us all, ya hear? Twi and Spike explained everythin’, so we all agreed to help and provide for ya. It ain’t right for a poor stallion like you to be all alone.”

Just like with Rainbow, you’re not able to formulate a response right away thanks to just how unexpected the whole situation is. What you were actually anticipating you're unsure, but it wasn’t this.

Your hand drops away from your mouth, your thoughts finally catching up. “Uhm…”

Hoofsteps interrupt you.

The butter yellow pony in the back of the group walks forward as her friends watch with surprise etched into their features. Now at the front, she looks up at you with a serene smile, heedless of the now open gaping at her back.

“Anonymous,” she starts, her voice soft in the now quiet library. “My name is Fluttershy,” she introduces simply. Her smile grows just a little as she directs her gentle, damningly knowing eyes to yours. “If you ever want to talk, I’ll always have an ear to lend.”

“Uh…”

Again, you have no idea what to say.

“Thank you, Fluttershy… Thanks all of you, really,” you start hesitantly. “This really means alot to me.” ’If it’s true.’

Fluttershy’s smile becomes beaming and her wings open just a bit, as if to envelop you in a downy embrace that stops just short.

The others tear their attention from their bold pegasus friend to mimic her delighted face.

Said pegasus blinks and returns her attention to her surroundings, swiveling her head around. “Oh…” Her ears and wings fold back as she slowly slinks back into the throng of other ponies with her cheeks flushed pink.

Odd little things, these ponies.

“I’m not sure how I’m going repay you all…” You tell them, watching as they look between each other and frown in response.

“Anon, dear,” Rarity begins in a soothing voice as she settles on her haunches. “There’s no need to worry about that. We’re not doing this because we expect to be repaid. We’re doing this because we should.”

“You should, huh?” You cross your arms and look towards the ceiling, taking in the rings of the oddly still living tree. “Why’s that?”

“Because we’re friends, duh!”

DODGE RIGHT

You obey your screaming instincts without thinking, sidestepping just fast enough that a pink blur with outstretched limbs barely misses you. So close, that you feel soft fur graze your face.

Pinkie watches the rapidly approaching wall with wide eyes, slamming into it with an “Oof!” and rebounding with a sound not unlike a rubber ball bouncing. She races back past you just as fast, bowling over her friends who didn’t even get the chance to scatter.

The overzealous pony pops out of her pile of groaning friends, seemingly unhurt. “Why’d you dodge my hug?” she asks you with a curious blink.

A hug? Really?

“I’m not one much for hugs,” you tell her dryly. “Especially if they’re as fast as a runaway train.”

The grip on your gun, which you didn’t even realize you were gripping, eases, letting you return to a neutral stance.

“How about a slow hug then?” Pinkie asks, bounding out of the now untangled pony pile as the others stand.

“Another time…” you lie through your teeth.

The benefit of the doubt these ponies will get, but the opportunity to pull a fast one on you, they will not.

The pink mare looks at you, disappointed, but she relents.

Rarity levels Pinkie with a glare and opens her mouth, a lecture probably ready. The prim mare stops, however, when a sparkling cloud of ash rushes past her and out the window. “Spikey?”

More magic? From Spike? Why didn’t you sense that?

She, rest of the mares, and you turn to the young drake, who looks imploringly at Twilight in sudden shyness when he notices all the attention on him.

The alicorn clears her throat. “I just had Spike send a letter to princes-” Twilight cuts herself off, seemingly embarrassed. “Erm, to Celestia, explaining the situation and asking for insight on a solution and some expedited citizenship papers.”

Your eyes widen without you meaning to. Citizenship papers? You can only assume that those are for you. Does Twilight intend to give you the same rights as a citizen of Equestria?

Already, you had no choice but to follow their laws, seeing as how breaking them would be counter productive to ANYTHING you wanted to accomplish. More than once you had heard of shady 2nd class citizen visas and everyone knew how illegal aliens of any nation were used without the protections offered by citizenship. You could have tried to pull the sovereign representative or diplomat trick and make a grab for benefits without being tied down, but the chances of backfire and repercussion made that a gambit at best.

“I also asked for a possible ambassador spot for Anon, since he is technically representing his entire species. I don’t see why she’d refuse.” Twilight adds on with a smile and a nod.

...

You just pinch the bridge of your nose and count to ten. Letting out your breath, you look down to the still brightly smiling Twilight.

“Twilight, you shouldn’t have…” you say only half sincerely. “I’m sure you have normal channels for this sort of thing, and I could have done it the normal way. You’re already doing so much for me.”

Her smile morphs into a stern line. “Yes, you could have done this the normal way, but I’ve already promised to take responsibility for what happened here. I ripped you away from your home, Anon, to a world you admit is unfamiliar and scary through both words and actions. Some ponies might even say that what befell you is a fate worse than…” She trails off, but the word doesn't need to be said to be understood.

“I swear, Anonymous.” she says, violet orbs blazing and voice full of authority. “I will make this as right as I can. This is my fault, and I owe you more than I think you or anypony realizes.”

A shiver runs up your spine. From her words, or the sudden charge of magic pressing down on you, you don't know.

The princess takes a deep breath and the serious setting fades along with the weight in the air, letting everyone breath easy again.

“Alright, Ah figure we’ve had enough of the serious stuff,” Applejack says, breaking the silence. “Hows about a conversation a mite more lighthearted?”

“I’d be down to chill,” Rainbow chimes in, taking flight and hovering over the group in what seems to be a norm for her. “We haven't just hung out in a while.”

“Sounds great to me!” Pinkie says with a happy hop. “I got a feeling that we’d be making a new friend in need of some cheering up today, so I made an extra special spread and saved it. Lemme run back to Sugercube Corner and get it!”

The bouncy mare takes off in long, leaping bounds, exiting the library and taking off beyond what you could see from the windows with haste.

“She could feel that someone was coming today?” You question Rarity with a raised brow, the mare having found her way to your side.

“Don’t ask, darling,” she says, placing a hoof on the top your your boot, making you resist the urge to kick it off. “It’s just a Pinkie thing. You’ll understand eventually.”

“Eldritch nonsense, got it,” you reply, understanding.

The diamond marked pony gives you a confused look, but doesn’t question your words.

“Well, it is right around noon, so Pri- Celestia, is probably going to take some time to reply since day court is in session,” Twilight outwardly muses, tapping a hoof on her chin. “I certainly don’t see any harm in taking some free time.”

Both Fluttershy and Applejack just agree with simple nods.

Twilight’s horn lights up, and in flashes of light, several of the tables and chairs in the foyer transform into a trio of large, cushy couches the same color as her coat around a wooden coffee table marked with the same starburst insignia as the one on her flank in the middle.

Worn down from the last few hours, you don’t even try to freak out over the magic taking place, and just take it as it is. You can bug Twilight about it later. Now, some much needed relaxation.

Taking the initiative, you unshoulder your pack and stroll up to one of the pieces of luxurious furniture. Then you sit just far enough from the right side that you can reach your Glock in its holster if need be. You let out a pleased groan as you sink into the soft cushions, your pack slips from your fingers, dropping a few inches and coming to a rest against the side of the couch.

“I did not even realize how tired I was…” you mumble.

The couch cushions sink again just a bit as a smiling Rainbow Dash takes the spot next to you.

The others take the other pieces of furniture, able to fit three apiece comfortably without bulk like yours there.

You just look at the ceiling as idle chatter starts around you, mind blissfully empty for a few moments.

“Equestria, huh?” You say under your breath. “Could be worse.”

Author's Note

Fuck me I still haven't cum to my senses and quit.

Things happened, point out mistakes I'm usually good about fixing that promptly.

Also don;t expect this to update for like 2-ish weeks or something. Bump in the Night is next.

Chapter 3: Riskless Ruler

“Mmm!?”

You stare down at the still-warm cookie held in your fingers with immense surprise as the sweet flavor coats your tongue. The smell alone was enough to make your mouth water and bring fond, nostalgic memories of easier times to the forefront of your mind. The taste though…

Spectacular. It takes a shameful amount of effort to keep from ramming the rest of the little treat into your mouth and diving for the tray of other confections Pinkie had brought back.

Pinkie, leans in front her spot next to Rarity on the couch closest to you, her large blue eyes sparkling in anticipation.

“Is there real sugar in this?” you ask simply, staring at the bite-marked sweet as if it would reveal some grand secret. “It’s good. Great, even. Better than anything I’ve had since I was young.”

The pink confectioner grins widely at the praise, then stops and furrows her brows in confusion when the first part of you sentence catches up with her. “Real sugar? Of course it’s real sugar! What other kind of sugar is there?” She asks with a tilt of her head.

You’ve noticed that ponies do that a lot.

“Ya’ll make it sound like you’ve not had sugar before,” Applejack chimes in skeptically, stopping mid-bite into a delicious looking pink cupcake. “Er, you do have sugar on your home planet or whatever it is, right?” The orange mare asks as an afterthought.

“We do,” you reply, finding the shiny dollops of chocolate on the confection you hold to be supremely fascinating for some reason. “It’s just been quite some time since I’ve had the real deal and not something artificial. I had almost forgotten the taste.”

“What!?” Pinkie nearly shouts, her eyes wide and whole form screaming ‘Scandalized!’ “Nearly forgot the taste of sugar!? How is that even possible? I don't think I could ever forget!”

‘Forgetting a taste? Tragically, it’s quite a bit easier than one would think.’

You shrug awkwardly and try to not turn away. “We, er, I just had other... more important things to worry about. Sugar wasn’t very high on my list of priorities,” you offer lamely, hoping they didn’t ask more. When you saw some of the ponies around you exchange looks, you quickly added on; “Look, it’s a bit personal so…”

Luckily your hosts are courteous enough to not pry after that, but you see curiosity on all the faces present.

“That actually reminds me!” Twilight exclaims with a delighted if clumsy flutter of her wings. Not a moment later, you feel magic in the air and her ridiculously long parchment list from earlier appears in a bubble of purple that pops shortly after.

Once again, it drops and rolls across the ground right out of the room, even curving to make the doorway as if mocking the alicorn.

Said alicorn scans through her list intently, heedless of her friend’s quiet giggling and your chuckling.

“Here it is!” she says, now hidden behind the floating parchment. “I’ve been wondering since breakfast. I saw you eat both eggs and various greens, as well as common spices. What sort of diet does a hyoman have, Anon? I’d like to know so the next time we go shopping, Spike and I can get everything needed to keep you healthy.”

A frown pulls at your lips when you hear Twilight talking about providing for you. You don't want to be in her debt any more than necessary. She and her friends are nice, but being independent will keep you out of social trouble nine times out of ten. Regardless, you keep your thoughts to yourself.

“Well,” you start, wondering if a bunch probable herbivores are going to be unnerved by what you’re going to say. “Humans are largely omnivorous and eat both plant and animal matter.”

Sure enough, there are some concerned expressions being exchanged amongst your listeners. Both Rarity and Applejack lean back slightly, their faces guarded. Pinkie just bounces back from her surprise back into a smile. Twilight and Spike look between each other, but little else. Surprisingly, neither Rainbow or Fluttershy seem fazed. The yellow pegasus just nods like she expected such a thing. Her more colorful friend…

“Really? But your teeth aren’t all that big.”

Rainbow leans closer from her spot next to you, practically in your face with her eyes locked on your mouth.

You lean back as far as you can without toppling over your seat. “Uhh, Rainbow? You’re awful close.”

“Duh? How else am I going to see your tiny teeth?” She replies like it was obvious. “I saw sharp ones, but they’re so small. If you’re a meat eater, how do you hunt?”

“You’re taking this whole ‘carnivore’ thing better than I expected…”

“Well sug’, you ain’t the biggest thing we’ve ever seen with meat chompers,” Applejack drawls, “And you haven't taken a bite out of Rainbow yet for bein’ so close.”

“Eck! Rarity!”

A band of light blue magic wraps around a startled Rainbow, who flails a bit when it pulls her back into a seated position.

“Rainbow, pleaaaaase have some manners,” the white unicorn pleads dramatically. “We’re all glad to have a new friend in our company, but there’s no reason to be invading his personal space like that. It’s especially rude to do that to a stallion!”

Rarity just went up a notch in your book.

“He’s not a stallion, though!” your seatmate argues heatedly. “He’s a…” She trails off and looks at you.

“Man,” you provide helpfully.

“A man!” The pegasus triumphantly parrots with a smile and crossed forelegs.

“Let me rephrase then: it’s rude to do that to a male, ANY male,” Rarity sniffs.

Rainbow grumbles, not admitting defeat but not arguing further, earning her a round of good-natured laughs from her friends. After a short few seconds pouting, she turns back to you, a questioning glint in her magenta eyes.

“Anyway, like I was saying,” she starts, pointing a hoof at your face. Or maybe a specific part like your mouth? It’s hard to tell where the detail-less limb is pointing. “How do you catch anything to eat? No offense, but you don't look all that fast, or strong, or…” The prismatic pegasus seems to reach an epiphany. “Of course, you’re an alien! I bet you can spit acid, or have freaky mind powers, right?” She asks excitedly

“Ooooooooooh!” Pinkie and Spike’s eyes widen, while the rest of the mares seem more skeptical. Rarity’s hoof is even introduced to her face.

You can't help but smile a bit. “Sorry. No acid, no mind powers. No ANYTHING powers to be exact.”

“Awwwwwwww...”

Twilight clears her throat. “Once again Rainbow, too many cheesy, low production alien movies.”

“They’re not cheesy!”

“But I find myself curious as well, Anon,” the alicorn continues, ignoring her fellow winged pony’s reply. “You don't have any readily apparent way of hunting or incapacitating prey. So how do you do it?”

You chew on your lip, finding the current line of questioning off-putting. The last thing you want to do is make a bad impression or reveal unnecessary information about yourself. None of them had commented on your gun or armor, so that can reasonably mean a few things.

‘One, they have no idea what either are and therefore are not prepared should I need to use them. That’s the best case scenario.’ You think.

‘Two, they know what guns are, but simply don't care because a weapon like that is not a threat to them. If they knew and did not have a defense, they would have stripped it from me already. Worst case scenario.’

‘Or three, they have no idea, but the weapon still isn’t a threat. Not really good anyway you view it.’

“Well…” you comb your brain for a vague answer. “Why the interest? I have no reason or want to hurt any of you,” you deflect.

Twilight recoils with a startled half-extension of her wings, as if not expecting such a response. When she answers, you realize that’s exactly it. “I was never accusing you of that. It’s just academic interest…”

You look at the small pony intently, trying to find any evidence of a lie, falsehood, half-truth, or any other deceit. All you get though is a slightly shaky mare with a hurt expression set on her face. The others seem similarly caught off guard.

A sigh escapes your lips. “I’m sorry, Twilight. I suppose that I’m still feeling a bit jumpy is all. That was… rude of me to assume,” you apologize, letting your eyes fall away from hers and onto the hands on your lap. You’re so out of your depth here it isn’t funny.

“Anon, there’s nothing to be ashamed of or sorry for…” Fluttershy softly speaks for the first time since her introduction. “This is very frightening and different. We all understand that, right?”

The yellow pegasus gets a chorus of agreements, making a tender smile blossom on her face. “You don’t have to answer anything you don’t want to, but if you do, we won't use any of it against you. I promise,” she finishes firmly, practically reading you like an open book.

This one is sharp. Very sharp.

You force yourself to smile. “Thank you, Fluttershy. That means a lot to me,” you tell the winged mare, trying not to let strain in your voice show. “To answer your question, Twilight,” you start, a vague explanation in mind as you turn back to the now excited alicorn. “Before my kind began producing farms with livestock, and before ambush hunting with primitive projectile weapons, humans started out as persistence predators.”

Your most rapt listener’s face morphs into confusion. “Persistence hunters?” She asks more herself than anyone. She turns to Fluttershy only for the butterfly marked mare to appear just as unsure.

“Ancient humans would just wound potential meals and slowly run them down until exhaustion,” you elaborate. “It’s a low effort way to hunt, but it promises a meal if you have patience and stamina. Even if said meal is many times faster than you.”

That draws wide-eyed looks from your audience, the last thing you wanted. A shiver then visibly runs down Rainbow’s spine from her spot next to you, drawing your attention. “Whoa. Is that even a real thing? No joke?” she asks, blinking her large eyes at you.

“It is…” you answer carefully, wondering if you had offended or frightened her somehow.

The rainbow mare shuffles her wings, averting her gaze from yours. “That’s…” She pauses, searching for words. “That’s weird..?”

“A bit,” you agree.

“Well, I guess a better question is what DON’T you eat?” Twilight asks, pulling your attention from Rainbow “If just give us a list of things to avoid, then we can do that.”

You take a moment to think. ‘What would I not eat? I guess I’m not real picky…’

“Unprocessed grains and most grasses are the biggest ones to come to mind,” you reply after a moment, making Twilight scribble on her scroll with a quill she materializes with some purple magic. “Uncooked meat is a no-go as well. I’m not sure if you eat flowers or not, but most flowers are off too. That’s about it, really.”

“Really?” Your summoner asks skeptically. “That’s a very small number. You’re not missing anything else?”

“Other than obviously inedible things, like anything poisonous to a lethal level, that’s really it,” you say with a nod. “If I missed anything, I’m sure I’ll be able to point it out upon seeing it, but I’m fairly sure that’s everything.”

Twilight chews on the end of her quill in thought then writes a few things down.

“So does that mean you like more than just what I brought here?” Pinkie asks, a sparkle in her eye.

Looking back down the half-eaten tray for treats she brought back from, where was it? Sugar something Corner? You take stock of everything left.

Cookies, brownies, fudge, donuts, cream puffs, a now gone pie, a few things you can’t even name, and an impressive selection of cupcakes of all colors and flavors. All things you haven’t had in so long. Just looking at it rouses your appetite even with your stomach already full.

You smile at Pinkie. “Certainly. It’s been years since I’ve had sweets this great.”

She looks practically ready to burst with excitement “Perfect! We can go to Sugarcube Corner after this and get you a bit of everything! It’s all hoofmade home recipes made by Mr and Mrs Cake and myself and everypony in town can’t get enough and-!

Pinkie is cut off when Spike’s chest swells, and out of his mouth comes a gout of green flame in the form of a belch, surprising everyone in the room.

None more than you, however.

DANGER CLOSE TAKE COVER NOW

The instinct demands that you jump to your feet and dive over the couch the instant the first embers of the flame start registering to your brain, and you do not disobey. In fact, you don’t even realize that you’ve moved until the backplate of your plate carrier smacks into the ground with a Thud!, nearly knocking the wind from your lungs.

“Anon!” comes multiple frightened voices.

The ponies and the dragon all run around the couch you threw yourself over, frantic and looking down at you with concern. When an orange hoof lands on your shoulder, you flinch and jump back into a standing position, vainly trying to fight the post-adrenaline shakes in the arms that were wrapped around your head just a moment ago.

“Anonymous! Are you alright, dear? What happened!?” Rarity asks in a frazzled manner, taking charge of the conversation.

You don't answer immediately, instead surveying the room around you in confusion. No scorch marks, no open fires, no structural damage, no shrapnel damage. Everything looks spic and span. What was with the fire?

“Rarity?” you ask unsurely, still taking stock of what happened. “What was that flame? The one that appeared from nowhere just a moment ago?”

“F-flame?” The pony questions hesitantly. “What are you talking ab-” she cuts herself off, a look of realization dawning on her face. “You mean Spike’s flame? That’s just how the princess sends mail to Twilight.”

“Spike’s flame..?” You murmur confusedly to yourself, slowly turning to the little reptile, whose eyes are wide with fright after the recent events.

“Y-yeah…” Spike stutters, his usual casual attitude absent. “It’s magic. P-princess Celestia can send scrolls like this to me,” he says in a subdued voice, holding up a rolled up scroll in his paws. “Like this.”

You suck in a deep breath, finally feeling the trembling in your limbs settle. “So the fire was magic, huh?” You question more yourself than the ponies and dragon. “Well, alright. Pal?” You say to Spike, who looks up at you with his wide, childish eyes. “Some warning next time, okay? I’m sorry about flipping out like that, and I’m certainly not mad, but some things just make me… Jumpy.”

The little drake nods rapidly. “Yeah, s-sure…”

You give him a small smile and turn back to the still staring mares. “So anyways, the letter?” you ask, hoping to deflect the attention on yourself away.

‘Is it worth the effort to beat myself up over freaking out like that?’ You silently ask yourself with genuine conflict. ‘The sudden light and heat immediately made me think ‘explosion’. Do I REALLY want to suppress such a reaction?’

The gathered ponies all desperately look like they want to ask what just happened, but Fluttershy makes a disapproving sound in her throat and shakes her head at her friends, stopping them to your relief.

Twilight snaps out of her stupor with a shake of her head. Her horn lights up, gently pulling the scroll from Spike and undoing the wax seal at once. The alicorn scans over the letter, her eyes running over the lines at a rate only an avid reader could achieve. As she goes, her face falls into one of abject dread, making your heart sink. “She’s coming!”

“That’s what he said!” Giggles Pinkie behind a forehoof.

“Pinkie! This is no time for dirty jokes!” Twilight exclaims in a panic. “I thought Princess Celestia would just send the paperwork I requested and leave this to me like I asked. This is terrible!” the mare finishes, her wings ruffled and ears pinned back.

The persistent pit in your stomach deepens. Why is Twilight referring to this other princess like she’s a superior? They both hold the same rank and title, correct?

“What’s so bad about this other princess?” You ask, hoping you’re not speaking out of turn.

Applejack answers. “Ain’t nothin’ bad about the princess, sug’,” she says with a roll of her large green eyes. “Twilight’s just working herself up like usual. Ah’d just give her a minute.”

“Well, that’s a relief. For a second I-”

“What do you mean ‘I’m just working myself up’? Applejack, this is Equestria’s millennia old ruler we’re talking about! You know, the one who moves the sun every day!?” Twilight says over you, her voice irate.

“-Had the feeling something was...up…” you finish weakly. “Did you say, ‘move the sun’? As in literally moving the star closest to the planet?” you ask in a small voice, ignoring the “millennia old” part for now.

‘She didn’t mean that literally, did she? Moving the entire sun?’

The sheer scale of an endeavor like that goes well and beyond what you could even imagine, even with magic acting as a crutch for your suspension of disbelief. How could one even affect the trajectory of a goliath nuclear furnace nearly 10 million miles away? You know nothing of magic, but how? Does this magic have no rules or restraints? If you thought Twilight to be powerful to a godly level, then this Celestia must rest on the same plateau as beings who birth and end entire worlds on a whim. Like something out of a cult handbook or wild fiction.

‘And she’s coming HERE.’

Just as you felt you were getting a basic grasp of this strange land, another curveball is thrown your way with the force of a cannonball. It’s even worse since that curveball impacted squarely on your already fragile peace-of-mind.

Twilight blinks and drops her irritation in favor of looking at you. Or rather, your now rapidly paling face. “Anon?”

A nervous laugh bubbles out of your throat. “Twilight? You remember how I said humans aren’t well versed with magic? The whole “move the sun” thing was a kind of a big bomb to drop out of nowhere…” You tell her with a not-at-all-happy smile, fighting hard to crush your swelling terror. “I think I’m going to sit down for a second...”

Without waiting for a reply, you walk around to the front of the couch you were seated on and fall heavily on it, swallowing the bile in the bottom of your throat while you were at it. Another weight you vaguely register as Fluttershy settles next to you, but you hardly notice over the pounding in your skull. Only a few hours here and you’re already wishing you were in Lynchburg instead.

The whole library falls into an awkward silence.

“Anonymous?”

You turn your eyes to Fluttershy, who gazes at you with those damningly understanding eyes. “There’s no need to worry. The princess is one of the nicest ponies there is. She won’t hurt you, and on the off chance she tries…” The little yellow pegasus takes a breath, steeling herself. “I-I won’t let her,” Fluttershy says with fragile resolution, her chest tuft puffed and wings opened the slightest amount.

The sight is so adorable you can’t help but smile and feel the tightness in your chest loosen. “Thanks, Fluttershy. That means a lot to me.”

“I won’t either!”

Fluttershy squeaks when Rainbow Dash drops down right next to her, squishing the yellow pegasus into the soft back of the furniture. Rainbow puffs her own chest out even more than her friend’s and extends her wings fully, putting all her bright blue plumage on display, not unlike a peacock. On her face is a confident, self-assured smirk.

“Two of you on my side? Must be my lucky day.” Again you smile, more out of amusement this time.

“Dash, do you gotta strut like a fat pigeon for every stallion who talks to you?” Applejack asks as she looks over the back of the couch with her forelegs draped over. “You scared poor whatshisname? Wind Stream? Last time you did that.”

Rainbow squawks like an angry parakeet, complete with aggressive flaps of her wings. “I did not!” she cries with a scowl “He was just overwhelmed. I’m a lot of mare, after all.”

“I dunno, Dashie,” Pinkie says next as she lands right between a startled Rainbow and Fluttershy, who was smooshed further into the furniture. “He flew off awwwful fast,” she says playfully, leaning into Rainbow as she drags out the “w”.

Rainbow uses her still open wings to flutter to another couch with her scowl still in place, making Pinkie lose her balance and tumble off, nearly smacking into the tray of sweets on the coffee table. No longer pressed face-first into the furniture by the weight of her friends, a woozy-looking Fluttershy slowly pulls herself free.

You smile at the antics in front of you, thoughts of magical juggernauts and impossible feats of celestial bodily motion forgotten for a few moments.

But only a few moments, as a slight pressure on your nonexistent sense slowly begin to mount, coming from the north and building. It’s a vast thing, as the closer it comes, the more the feeling bears down upon you. With it, an odd... warmth? Is that a proper descriptor? An odd warmth that reminds you of the sun.

The sun…

You gulp, but find your mouth dry as cotton.

There’s nothing you could have done in life to prepare you for this, you realize. How would one even prepare for a meeting with a being who could casually move objects countless thousands of times larger than a planet?

‘Nevermind her being royalty, that’s nothing compared to the sheer power that comes with holding dominion over the fucking sun,’ you think ruefully.

The ponies could just be lying to you, but what would the purpose be? The still growing sensation on your strange 6th sense also leads you to think they’re telling the truth. There’s no escape from this. Just...

Breathe in...

STEEL YOURSELF NOW

Today, you meet God.

Breathe out...

The growing shaking of your arms halts and your face falls into a practiced mask of neutral calm. Hiding your fear might be in vain before what you’re about to face, but it’s far better than openly quaking. If you’re lucky, then this Celestia will find you amusing and/or inoffensive enough to keep around. If you're truly lucky, then she won’t realize she's faced with a facade. You want to entertain the thought that this princess is actually kind, or that Rainbow and Fluttershy will hold up to their promises, but common sense tells you it’s a pipe dream at best.

The massive magic source is close and now slowing. So close, that the sensation of static runs across your skin.

“Say, Twilight?” You casually ask the alicorn now coming into view of the circle of couches. “When did the princess say she was arriving?”

Twilight mulls it over as she hops up onto a seat with Spike following a moment later. “She didn’t say. She just said that she was on her way and not much else,” the purple pony says, now calmer herself.

You nod, accepting the answer without much thought. “Fair enough,” you reply, then fall silent afterward.

For a moment, you sit and let your arm dangle over the side of the couch, where your hand plays with the top straps of your pack absently. ‘Yet again I’m going to stare what could be my own end in the face.’ You think to yourself mirthlessly. ‘I just can’t act stupid, I need to walk out of here alive. Nito needs me.’

You glance down at your pack as your hand digs in one of the top-most pockets. In there, your fingers wrap around a single small bottle. A shake tells you there’s only one pill inside.

‘Really, one is all anyone ever needs.’

You click your tongue in self-annoyance for such thoughts and zip the pocket back closed.

The titanic magic signature, now moving along the ground at a relaxed pace, stops near the library. It’s so close you can feel the charge in the air. Had you smelled any ozone, you would have thought you were due for a lighting strike.

You shift a bit for a more comfortable position, feeling your Colt 1903 Hammerless hidden in your waistband poke you, as if to say “If things get ugly, draw me.”

The idle thought makes you smile, even if violence would be useless.

Knock knock!

“Not exactly the grim toll of a bell, but the sound is ominous nonetheless…” you mutter to yourself.

Twilight shoots up from her seat and sprints for the door, the others standing and following at a more relaxed pace. You stand and trail behind, standing at the back of the group and trying to keep your cool.

Both Applejack and Rainbow glance behind them at you, then move to stand in front of you as one. Rainbow lands from her usual hover to do so.

By now, Twilight is skidding to a stop at the front door and grips the knob in her magic, pulling it open.

You don't expect what’s next.

Through the open door steps a creature right out of a fairy tale. An alicorn like Twilight, but that’s where all similarities end. If you can call the ponies you met today ‘cute’, then this being is well and beyond beautiful.

Standing just a bit shorter than you is a tall, lithe pony with fur the same color as snow, and a living aurora of a mane and tail moving in an ethereal wind. On her head is a spiraled horn nearly as long as your forearm, and on her sides, folded wings much bigger than her fellow alicorn’s. Eyes the same color as amethyst with twice the luster regard Twilight with warm, almost motherly affection. The few steps she takes inside are the epitome of grace, even with such a simple action. From her slight angle in the doorway, you see her flank emblazoned with a picture of an eight-pronged sun. And her very presence…

The pressure against your sense reaches a new high and levels out, leaving you feeling as if you're submerged deep under heated water. Your skin crawls and twitches at the alien sensation.

...Her presence is like standing before a roaring, burning star of unfathomable size. Ever ready to provide life and light for the splendid world under her and all live there, but with the power to reduce any and all to ash with just an annoyed flicker.

Delicate is the visage of Divinity.

A quiet gasp pulls air into your needle-filled lungs once you realize you stopped breathing nearly a minute ago.

“Princess!”

Twilight closes the distance with the divine alicorn, who smiles tenderly and leans her head down, happily accepting a cheek-to-cheek nuzzle with her smaller counterpart.

“I apologize about the abrupt arrival, my former student,” Celestia says in a voice as sweet as melted caramel, “but after hearing what happened, I felt it prudent to come myself and see.” She pulls back from the nuzzle and extends a wing, booping Twilight on the nose with a wingtip. “And there’s no need to call me princess anymore, remember?” The taller alicorn playfully adds. “You and I are equals in rank now.”

Twilight’s muzzle scrunches and her eyes cross as she vainly tries to look at the spot she was booped on, earning her a gentle giggle from the larger pony.

The amethyst eyes lift from her old protege to the group of ponies just a few meters away, the smile under the eyes still as inviting. “Hello girls.”

“Hiya, Princess!”

“Lovely to see you again, Highness.”

“Hey Princess.”

“Yur Highness.”

“...Hi Princess…”

“...Ahem?”

“Annnnd handsome drake,” Celestia adds with a larger smile, a trill in her voice like she wants to laugh. “I’m glad to see you all again. I only wish it was under more fortunate circumstances…”

After long last, her attention finally falls to you.

The stoic mask you've honed from countless encounters with the worst of humanity nearly shatters when eyes older than your entire family line lock onto yours with unreal intensity. It’s as if she looks past you, into you, judging everything you’ve ever done and damning you for it. You can almost feel it.

She slowly moves closer, her shoe-clad hooves making only the slightest click against the library floor. The pressure builds.

You don't move. You can’t.

The others part around her as Celestia clears the last few meters, amethyst orbs still pinning you in place with their stare.

Finally, she stands before you hardly arms reach away, her muzzle just reaching your chin in height, and her horn just a few inches above your head.

Without warning, the infinitely piercing eyes soften, glistening with sorrow. “You poor colt…”

Her huge wings slowly and wrap around a very confused you, pulling you into a hug so impossibly warm that she must be using magic. The sounds outside the feather cocoon seem to fade away, unimportant for the proceedings.

“I can't apologize enough for wha-!” The Goddess stops when she hears a quiet *ting* and looks down.

Resting right above her gold chestplate and against her breast is your gun, with your finger on the trigger. Ready to blow a fist-sized hole through her.

Her eyes widen such a small margin it’s almost impossible to see. She slowly looks back up, her face still sympathetic and unafraid as her wings adjust enough to keep the gun out of view. “There’s no need for that,” Celestia murmurs in a subdued tone, slowly raising a foreleg and calmly but slowly pushing the weapon away from her. “I’m not here to hurt you.”

FIRE NOW

You finger twitches but doesn't follow through.

A lump travels down Celestia’s swan-like neck. “Mister Anonymous?” she asks quietly, pulling away slightly when she sees your wide eyes and clenched jaw.

The instant her body leaves yours, your senses return, and horror floods your entire being. From the top of your spine to the bottom, you feel nothing but the cold iron of the reaper’s scythe, ready to claim you.

Jesus Christ, you just about made an attempt on the life of a Goddess.

You suck in a ragged breath and try to form an explanation. Something, ANYTHING to save you from the damnation about to befall you.

‘Come on, think!’

Just as you open your mouth, Celestia shakes her head. “No no. Mister Anonymous. I rudely overstepped my bounds with you, and I apologize. Can you forgive an old princess for her lapse in courtesy?”

‘What.’

You give the alicorn an absent blink and holster your Glock 20, not really sure how to respond to her apologizing to you. You’re the one who tried to kill her for fucks sake! She even knew she was being threatened by how she pushed the gun away! What the fuck is going on?! This doesn't make sense!

All you can really do is nod and mutter “Sure, yeah Princess. It’s all good,” still too shocked to form a proper response.

She gives you a small, melancholic smile and turns back to the others, who for some reason don't seem to have realized what just happened. “Well, girls? What are we just standing around for? I see some of the fine creations of Miss Pinkie just sitting and getting cold.”

You glance over at the human still staring off into space as he has been for hours, responding to questions with one-word answers or letting silence answer for him. Occasionally, he would look to you when he thought you weren't looking, his narrow-eyed gaze trying to puzzle you out with such intensity that you had to force yourself not to squirm like a foal.

Raising the cup of tea, courtesy of Spike, to your lips in an aura of gold you take a sip as you ponder the tall biped with the heartbreaking eyes. That is what truly stood out most about him. The innocent looking foal-eyes filled with enough raw emotion to turn any who saw past them into a mess.

Your heart clenches just thinking about it. You saw it when you approached him and wrapped him in what you thought would be a comforting hug. It was just supposed to let him know he was safe amongst ponies, and that he had a shoulder to cry upon. In hindsight, it was foolish. Even as a being beyond the aether, he was obviously no normal colt.

The phantom sensation of ice cold steel against your breast still persists, and the fresh memory makes your heart race.

It was the closest you had been to death in over a thousand years. What exactly the little gadget of metal and plastic is, you’re unsure. But from the foul aura wrapped and seeped into its very being, you have no doubt that was a weapon. One that has taken lives. For a moment, you entertained the idea of taking it away. It took only another moment for you to realize how horribly that could backfire.

But the one holding the weapon is what made you truly worry. What could have caused such obvious damage? Was it being ripped away from his family? The thought alone would send the average pony into a tizzy.

Possibly being away from his mates and foals? Everypony has heard of the grief and scorn a jitted father could create.

...Or was something far more sinister behind it?

Turning your eyes away, you glance at the sun out the window and feel the burning foal eyes return to you. It’s nearing sunset.

You set your empty tea cup down just in time to hear the tail end of one of Pinkie’s jokes, smiling as the girls laugh heartily at it, seemingly unaware of the tension between you and the tall male.

“Well, girls,” you start as you stand and stretch your legs and wings. “I’ve very much enjoyed this relaxing visit, and I’m glad to have had the chance to meet you, Anonymous,” you finish, turning a smile to the human.

He takes a moment to answer. “The pleasure is all mine, princess,” he gently replies with his deep voice. “I look forward to our next meeting, should such a thing occur,” he says with forced, artificial politeness and crossed forearms.

Your smile twitches, but does not fall. For some reason, his words rouse self-disappointment within you.

“But I’m afraid I need to go. I must return to Canterlot before dark.”

The collective “Awwww” from the mares in the room makes you smile, and the smile only grows when Spike runs forward to give your legs a hug.

You lean down and kiss the little drake on the head with a giggle bubbling out of your throat. He turns red and retreats back into his throng of grinning friends.

“And before I go,” you begin, pulling a set of papers from behind your chest piece with a bit of magic. “I have these for you, Anonymous. I took the liberty of filling everything out before hoof. You just need to see the mayor tomorrow and have a photograph taken for the records.”

You drop the papers in his outstretched hands, watching as the dextrous digits flip through the small stack with his foal-eyes scanning over each page with lightning speed not usually seen on a stallion.

“My citizenship papers, I assume?” He correctly guesses. “Thank you, Princess. You’ve taken a real risk with this just to give me, an alien, the same rights as your kind. I appreciate it,” he finishes with a respectful bow of his head.

“Please, Anonymous. Just Celestia behind closed doors. We’re friends.”

The neutral mask on his face cracks just a bit as his lips turn downward. “That’s rather disrespectful though…” he says carefully as if expecting a trap. “Someone… Somepony of your stature should be afforded at least a proper title.”

You nod. “Yes, but this is only for behind closed doors, remember?”

The downturn of his lips vanishes so fast you wonder if it ever was really there. “If that is what you wish, I will not disobey, Celestia.”

Again, self-disappointment surfaces.

You nod, not letting your inner feelings show. “Now, I’ll set the sun before I go. I’m sure it will be a treat for you.”

The burning feeling returns to the back of your head as you turn and look out the window, where the sun has slowed to a stop in the sky. With a deep breath, you seat yourself and begin.

The vast wellspring of power inside you surges, filling your horn and making it glow with a heavenly light. From the planet, and around it, you feel countless tethers and tendrils of holy power only you can see sprout.

You take a deep breath and feel the true drain now.

The tendrils of light race towards the sky in a sight only your sister is able to share with you. Faster and faster they grow, becoming streamers of energy so fast they might laugh at light’s poor speed if they could.

Silver streams rise from the earth too, no doubt Luna’s doing.

As they rise, the gold strands of energy interweave and collect, forming a single great, world eclipsing limb of infinite strength. In nary a second does your titanic arm reach your Sun, and as you’ve done for thousands of years, you grasp the great fireball with the limb, which is comically thin in comparison.

Then you PULL.

Your mana drains at a rate that anypony would call insane as the ethereal muscle strains and stretches, slowly dragging your stubborn charge lower in the sky, and making way for it’s much smaller sibling.

The cooling charms in your tiara activate, keeping the budding sweat on your brow away.

For a harsh few minutes, you drag your Sun, feeling your mana drop lower and lower until half of it is gone.

Finally, the sun begins moving on its own as it dips below the horizon, no longer needing your guidance. A sigh of relief escapes you as your control slips, letting your arm lift off the planet and into empty space, where it will fade.

Using the entire planet as a focus. Such is the insane genius of ancient alicorn magic.

You smile and turn to your audience, receiving excited applause from your former student and her friends. The man amongst them, however, just seems lost on what he witnessed.

The smile on your face fades.

“It’s not every day we get to see that. Thank ya kindly, princess,” says the Element of Honesty with a wide smile. “And I think ya got the right idea. I need to be heading home. It’s been a joy as usual, gals, but I’ve got work in the morning.”

“Me too,” Rainbow Dash mutters glumly.

“I think we ALL do,” Rarity chimes in. “Today has been most exciting for sure, but I’ve much to do in the morning.” The fashionista turns to the still unresponsive Anonymous, who is looking out the window at the sky. “Anon, darling, it’s been a pleasure meeting you, and I hope to see you again soon. In fact, stop by my shop should you be out and about. I would adore a visit.”

The tall man lets out a shaky breath and turns his emotional eyes down to the white unicorn. “Yeah, sure thing Rarity. I’ve got things to do tomorrow apparently, so I’ll stop by if I have time,” he says breathlessly.

Rarity beams.

“H-hey! What about me?!” Rainbow exclaims, zipping in front of the surprised human with a neglected expression. “You should come see me too!”

“But you live in a cloudhouse, silly!” Pinkie says, bounding by with her picked-clean tray on her back. “How’s he supposed to get up there?”

“I can come down!”

“Maybe we should work this all out tomorrow?” Twilight cuts in as the voice of reason. “I think Anon would appreciate some rest before anything else, right?”

“I certainly wouldn't object…” He says.

Twilight nods proudly. “See? Now I think we’re holding everypony up. It’s been a fun day, erm. Mostly…” She sends Anonymous a guilty look. “We’ll see you girls tomorrow, okay?”

Your once student gets a chorus of agreements, and one by one, the Elements file out, with Fluttershy as the last.

Just before she leaves, she looks over her shoulder at the weary human, sending him her trademark kind smile. The sort of look that could stop a rampaging beast with ease.

To your surprise and oddly misplaced disappointment, he smiles back just the barest amount.

With Fluttershy gone, it leaves just you, Twilight, Spike, and Anonymous.

“Twilight,” you start, getting her attention. “I’ll have some of my best researchers and archivists start scouring and experimenting in the morning. I’ll not leave it to just you to figure out how to return Anonymous home when such a task is guaranteed to be monumental. Not to insult your knowledge or prowess, but just for…”

“For Anon’s benefit. Got it.” She says, resolute in both voice and expression.

Then, you turn to the tall human. “Anon?” you ask, looking up at him. How odd, having to look up at somepony.

“Celestia?”

“If there is anything you ever need,” you start, feeling uncharacteristically awkward. “Just send a letter through Spike to me, and I’ll see it taken care off.”

The man raises an eyebrow. “Of course.”

...That didn’t sound very convincing…

With a final nuzzle to Spike and Twilight, you exit the library into the cool air of your sister’s night, a featherweight spell already coating you. With just a short hop, you spread your wings and ride a low-hanging thermal up into the dark sky.

As you slowly yaw into another column of rising air on your leisurely glide home, something strikes you as off now that you look back on it.

Was Anonymous looking at the sky rather than the horizon when you moved the sun?

Author's Note

FUG
EDIT 5/20 :I think if fix the mistakes point out more if my dyslexic ass missed anhthing

Interlude: Sedate Sorcery

A sigh escapes your lips as you settle against the stone wall of the classroom and face the only doorway, hand wrapped firmly around your pilfered shotgun. It’s an old thing, the gun in your hands. Littered with scratches and dings from use, yet still fully functional. It’s some sort of Winchester pump action with wooden furniture and a flashlight you had taped to it. The rollmarks on it had faded from use, leaving you only with speculation as to the model. In the end, it’s not that important, you suppose. The poor soul you looted it from had already started to decay when you found him.

You let out another sigh as the sun dips lower and lower into the sky, casting long shadows in the trashed elementary school. Everything with even a semblance of value has long since been taken, leaving only a few bookshelves with scattered children’s books and a handful of desks in the dirty, glass littered room.

A hand reaches into the bookshelf you sit next to, returning with a worn copy of “Space Brat”. The pages are dog eared and the inside of the cover has doodles of aliens and a chuckle-worthy “Bobby is a jerk!” in marker.

‘It’s fascinating’, you silently muse as you flip through the short book, ‘that objects can wear their history and tell another story.’

The little book in your hands had to have passed through hundreds, maybe even thousands of other, smaller hands. The pages and colorful cover are faded, but still legible. Inside is a simple story about a bratty alien on a planet of snooty, unfair adults. It’s definitely something that would appeal to a young child.

You read only a handful of pages before the light streaming in through the broken window fades too much to be of use, leaving you in the dark.

“Stay? Or find a less exposed room?” You ask yourself, pondering.

After a moment, you stand low and begin to move, off to find a room a bit more secure than this one. If your luck holds, you might even find something worth keeping. As you move, you make sure to avoid the windows.

*Crack! Cra-cra-crack!*

“Shit!”

You drop to the ground and frantically press yourself against the closest wall, keeping still as the staccato of gunfire rages somewhere close. The echoing inside the classroom makes it impossible to tell where the fighting is coming from other than ’outside’.
*Cra-cra-cra-cra-crack!*

A scream sounds from the direction of the fight.

…*Crack!*

In hardly a minute, the low howl of the wind is the only sound, letting you sit and steady your heart in relative peace.

You gulp, letting your painful grip in your gun ease just the slightest amount. You do notwant to be near the windows now.

Getting up again, you murmur a prayer and keep moving, moving slowly past the classroom into the dark hallways.

The halls are just as lifeless as the classroom and even more silent. The lockers on the walls are all torn open, leaving papers and books scattered around on the dirty linoleum floor. Along the walls are the happy, educational decorations one would expect of a school, but all of them are covered in dust, and some are torn down. Almost all the decorations torn down were once covering now barren electrical plugs, each stripped for copper. You would have clicked your tongue in distaste if you didn't do the same thing often. Even now, copper is still a valuable trading item.

It’s all a grim reminder that nothing is sacred anymore. Not even places where kids congregate.

You slowly stalk through the halls, each footstep, and breath deliberate to keep quiet. The moonlight pouring in from the windows thankfully gives you just enough light to see, letting you conserve your flashlight battery. A few times you passed another classroom, each one empty but with broken windows like the first one. They're passed over, much to your frustration. You even passed the cafeteria and kitchen, but a cursory look dashed any hope of resupplying your dwindling food.

“Picked clean…” You mumble to yourself, peering into a supply closet only to find nothing. “This may have been a bad idea…”

Slowly you trudge on, finding nothing until your path brings you to a larger hallway with a lopsided map on the wall.

“Gym just ahead, eh?”

You look down the widened hallway that quickly turns into inky shadow the further in it gets. You’ve no idea what scavenge-worthy things you might find in a gym, but surely it’s worth a look. It’s not like you’re doing anything else, after all.

Slowly, you slink into the dark, trying to suppress the goosebumps that run up and down your body. There’s something distinctly foreboding in the air, something like a weight on your shoulders that just can’t be shaken. You keep your shotgun held forward in a tight grip with a finger held over the trigger, ready to pulp anything that might pop out of the gloom. For a moment, you entertain the thought of turning on the flashlight on your gun, but toss the idea since this isn't an emergency.

The gym doors come into sight thanks to the thin slivers of bright light that escape between the cracks in the doors. There’s nothing special about the doors themselves, but the light is rather curious. Maybe the room has a skylight, letting the moon shine down?

As you draw closer though, a smell that you’ve become all too familiar with recently invades your nose with its face-twisting stench.

Death.

“Just fantastic...” You grunt and pull your shirt over your nose, forcing you to breathe in the still awful, but the much more tolerable scent of the dirt and sweat that clings to you.

Shifting your shotgun to one hand, you gently push open the right door and walk inside.

The instant you did, you wish you didn’t.

The moonlight that streams into the large gym and through the door cracks isn’t from a skylight, but a huge hole in the roof and ceiling. Just under the huge hole is an even bigger crater with blackened wood floors peeled back around its lips. What’s scattered around the crater stops you cold.

Faded red. Faded red everywhere.

Broken bodies. Mangled forms.

Small forms...

All over the room. Hundreds of milky eyes stare in countless directions, unseeing. Some still have surprise frozen on their faces. Some, terror. Others don't have faces any longer.

Your gun rattles in your trembling hand and hot tears sting your eyes as the horrid scene burns itself into your memory. You take a shaking half-step backward, only to step on something and nearly trip over it. Looking down, you only barely choke back a whimper.

It’s a small hand, fingers splayed as if pleading for help. Help from anyone.

The owner of the hand is nowhere to be found.

Your heart pounds so hard it feels as if it’s going to explode, sending you off with the rest of the unfortunates here.

You turn away from the carnage, only for your sight to land on something that turns your despair into world-ending fury.

A large spray painted tag on the wall, bolding proclaiming “CRIMFA WAS HERE”

“Anon!”

Something takes hold of your shoulder.

You whirl around with fright, your fist lashing out with all your strength. A split second before your fist connects with the aggressor’s skull, a translucent bubble of purple stops your attack. A loud *Crack!* sounds and sudden pain flares in your knuckles.

“A-anon! Please wake up!”

‘Where… Where do I know that voice?’

You blink a few times, the gymnasium and reek of decay fading away in favor of a small, rustic bedroom. Just to the side of your bed, a purple bubble covered in spider-web cracks stands, and inside is a frightened looking winged unicorn.

‘Wait... Winged unicorn?’

“Twilight..?” You blink blearily again as everything comes into focus. “Where the hell am I?” You ask, your free hand shooting to your pocket and wrapping around your Colt 1903.

The alicorn lets the damaged barrier around her fade, making your arm fall and smarting hand hang limply. She takes a moment to compose herself before answering. “You’re in my guest room,” she starts slowly, her pinned back ears perking back up. “Or I suppose this is just your room now. Remember?”

The memories of the day prior slowly filter into your mind. The bridge, meeting the ponies, seeing magic, all if it. “Ahh. So yesterday really happened?” You ask yourself more than her, pondering. “Did I hurt you with that swing, Twilight? I’m sorry about that, it’s just reflex.”

‘I really want to ask how you made it past the lock on the door, but the answer is probably magic.’ The thought makes you suppress a groan.

The answer seems to worry her before she buries the reaction and answers you. “No no! Not at all.” Twilight insists with a shake of her head. “I put up a shield in time and I’m just fine. I came here because, well…” your equine host scuffs the wooden floor with a hoof. “I heard you tossing and turning so I thought you were having a nightmare… That doesn't happen often, does it?”

“I was, and it’s not often I have one,” you admit, standing up and taking stock of yourself. “Thanks for snapping me out of it.”

‘Ugh, my clothes are gunna need to be washed soon.’

Twilight gives you an openly curious look, her ears, and posture forward.

“...And I’ll keep what the nightmare was about to myself, for now, thanks.”

The alicorn nods agreeably. “Okay. If you ever want to talk though, I’ll always have an open ear,” she gently tells you.

You just nod as you stretch, making your back let out a satisfying series of pops and loosening the kinks that one gets sleeping in a plate carrier. “So, I need to take the papers that Princess Celestia gave me to the mayor, right?” You ask, already knowing the answer. “I hate to impose, but could you show me the way if you have time?”

Your question earns you a beaming smile from the mare. “You’re not imposing at all, and I’d love to help, and I even planned on escorting you!” she exclaims cheerfully. “Let me finish up the mug of coffee I left downstairs and we can go. Do you want some?”

“Coffee, eh?” you ask, scratching your chin. “Sure. I haven’t had any in ages. I’ll be down in a moment.”

The chipper pony smiles and trots out, closing the door behind her with magic.

Now alone, you sit on the bed and hold your head in your hands, trying to stave off both a hellacious headache and the chills the nightmare left you with.

“I’m not sure what’s worse. Being here, remembering all that, or the fact that both are real,” you mutter sardonically. “If this isn’t the shittiest hand I’ve ever been dealt…”

You stand back up and pull your still holstered Glock 20 from under your pillow and belt it on, then pull the backpack sitting next to your bed onto your back. A grunt escapes you when the extra weight makes all the aches and soreness from the day prior that much worse. Your boots are the last thing to go in, and your gloves are simply left in your pack

When you finally trudge down to the kitchen, you find a happily humming Twilight pouring a fresh mug of coffee from a metal, stovetop coffee pot. The room quickly fills with a rich aroma that makes you feel a bit more alert from the smell alone.

The alicorn looks over her shoulder with a smile. “How do you like your coffee?”

“Black is good,” you reply, holding back an achy groan when you settle into a chair at the table.

Like yesterday, you get a look of surprise for some odd reason. For some reason you simply cannot pin down, the ponies would give you funny looks over the strangest things.

“Are you sure?” She asks, picking up sugar dish and a carton of cream by the pot in her telekinesis and giving both a shake. “I can add whatever you’d like, and I’m sure I can figure out mochas or lattes.”

“Black is good,” you repeat simply. “You seem well versed in mundane living for a princess, Twilight. If I may ask, what spurred such a lifestyle?” You ask, watching the hot mug floating towards you carefully.

“For a princess..?” Twilight asks with a confused tilt of her head, setting both your mug and her down as she does so. Then it seems to hit her. “Oh! Whoops! I sometimes forget that I’m a princess now,” she says with a giggle and a flap of her wings.

‘A princess now?’ You wonder. “Were you not always a princess?”

“No, actually. I was a normal unicorn before I ascended to an alicorn and was awarded princesshood,” she says proudly, hopping into a chair. “I finished one of Starswirl the Bearded’s incomplete spells, one that’s gone unsolved for millennia, and that’s how I ascended.”

“Hmmm…” You hum into a sip of hot and rich coffee. “That just raises more questions. Is princess not an inheritable title? One the daughter of a king or queen would be given?”

“It is in most places,” Twilight replies, seeming greatly pleased with the conversation. “But in Equestria, it’s a bit different. All the alicorns are given the title Princess and share their power. No one is greater than the other. Princess Celestia tends to take charge and rule, however. None of us truly want to overturn that, so it works out swell.” She pauses to take a large gulp of her mug with a satisfied sigh. “I know I certainly don’t have the experience to lead the nation like she does. She’s been Equestria’s sole ruler for the last thousand years,” the alicorns says, her baby-doll eyes shining with adoration. Then she blinks. “Well, actually she had help when Cadence ascended, but it was all minor things, like what Prin- Er, Celestia gives me now.”

“Can just any alicorn be made into royalty?” You ask, now genuinely interested. “That seems risky, doesn't it? What if some alicorn without Equestria’s best interests in mind shows up?”

Twilight’s mouth opens to answer, but she shuts it again to rub her chin with a hoof, expression one of deep thought. She’s thinking long enough for you to take another sip from your mug. “I… Don’t know what would happen then,” she finally admits, her visage troubled. “That’s a really good question. I imagine she’d be barred from taking power, but I don’t want to assume. I’ll have to ask…”

“You said you ascended into an alicorn because you completed an age-old spell?” You ask, getting a nod from the pony. “Interesting. Is that the requirement to become an alicorn? Or is there more to it than that?”

“Much more to it than that,” Twilight replies, holding a hoof in front of her mouth and clearing her throat. You would later learn that this is a tell for her ‘lecture mode.’ “Nopony is really sure what the exact requirements for becoming an alicorn are, other than the approval of another alicorn. But that alone isn’t enough. The most common way is through some sort of incredible feat. Princess Celestia and Luna ascended when they defeated Discord, the spirit of chaos, thousands of years ago.”

‘They beat a spirit of chaos without the power of being alicorns?’ You silently puzzle. ‘Either spirits must be weaker than I would guess, or I really need to be more wary of these princesses that I first thought, and that’s saying something. Can nothing be easy?’

“Cadence, my sister-in-law, managed to ascend after she stopped a witch doctor from taking over her home village. She did so even after facing discrimination for being a pegasus orphan in a mainly earth pony village, and claimed to love both her home and the ponies there.” Twilight continues, heedless of your internal thoughts. “As you may have noticed, each alicorn embodies something that they can influence and draw power from. Celestia is the sun, Luna is the moon, Cadence is love, and I am friendship!” she finishes, glowing with pride.

You just nod along like the explanation made sense. “Fascinating…” You murmur genuinely, lacing your fingers and resting your chin on them. “Though, I’m a little unclear by what you mean by ‘embody’. How does one embody a celestial object or an idea like friendship?”

“That’s a whole other topic by itself,” Your hostess says, pausing to down the last of her mug. She lets out a satisfied sigh after. “Besides a talent, a pony’s magic usually aligns itself to an element found in nature either temporarily or permanently. In either case, it’s easier to cast spells and perform actions that relate to that element, even if it’s non-magical in nature. How great the bonus she gets varies depending on the degree of attunement. For example…”

You lean forward in anticipation as Twilight ponders to herself for a moment.

“Say a pony has an average alignment with fire,” she starts, “then she would have an easier time casting spells related to fire or even starting one with flint and steel.”

As she talks, Twilight’s horn lights up, making you lean back when a tiny, holographic mare with a matchstick mark appears on the table. The little mare smiles up at you before starting a tiny holographic fire in an equally tiny holographic pile of logs with a hunk of steel and flint. “There’s even a quiet clink clink! then a fwoosh!

You can't help but blink incredulously at the cartoonish little thing.

“But say that a pony has a non-standard alignment thanks to her cutie mark,” Twilight continues on, making another holographic mare on the table, this time with a cute little safari hat and saddle bags. “Like survivalism or another like an idea or concept that can’t be easily tied to a traditional element. The pony would get access to a wider or more powerful set of abilities because of her abstract alignment. All she has to do is find a way to tie what she needs back to her talent, and a survivalist should know how to start a fire so…”

The safari hat mare pulls out her own bit of flint and steel, then starts a fire in another pile of illusionary logs with the same ease of the matchstick mare. The safari hat mare gives the sour looking matchstick mare a cheeky grin before both fade away.

“Back to the first part of your question, alicorns always have a powerful alignment to non-standard elements,” the purple alicorn says. Her horn lights up again, and more small illusionary ponies appear on the table.

The first is a serene Princess Celestia, who stands on a sun symbol

The second is a stern looking blue alicorn, who you guess is Princess Luna. She stands on a white crescent moon symbol with smudgy black around it.

The third can only be Cadence, considering her bright pink color and smile most would associate with a lovey individual. Under her hooves is a crystal heart symbol.

The final one is Twilight herself, standing on the same starburst mark as the one on her flank.

“Each one of us holds the highest possible attunement for our affinities, being “Sun”, “Moon”, “Love”, and “Friendship” respectively, and each one complements our special talents.”

“What’s the difference between a special talent and an affinity?” You ask, “Both seem distinct, but they also seem to interact a lot. And what determines an affinity, exactly?”

Twilight gives you a confused tilt of her head before an “Ohhh.” finds its way out of her lips. “Right. Alien. I sort of forgot there for a moment,” she says sheepishly. “You're following along very well for somepony without magic.”

You take a long gulp of the cooling and nearly forgotten coffee before answering. “Even if I can’t use it, my kind still had the idea of magic. It all exists as fiction or elaborate tricks to wow crowds.” You lean back in your chair with a chuckle. “Magic in fiction back home varied from simple thought activation to rules so lengthy and complex that you need a rulebook open at all times. I was a bit of a nerd back in the day and played a caster more than once during some tabletop games, some of which had really arbitrary magic rules. I guess I’d get it a bit faster than the average guy because of that.”

Looking back down to Twilight, you frown.

She’s giving you a narrow-eyed look that’s somehow both disbelieving and awed as if what you said is somehow unbelievable. You’re not sure if the little tail flicks she’s doing are from agitation or something else.

‘I did not just offend her talking about DnD of all things, did I?’

“Are you alright, Twilight? I didn’t say something offensive, did I?” You ask worriedly.

The mare quickly wipes the expression from her face and replaces it with a wide smile instead. “No no. Not at all, Anon. I was just thinking is all.”

“That’s some pretty intense thought…” you mutter.

Her ears swivel to face you. “What was that?”

“Nothing, just thinking aloud,” you wave her question away. “Anyway, you were talking about the differences between talents and affinities and what determined an affinity?”

“I was!” She agrees happily. “Honestly, an affinity is largely random, but they are influenced on some level by a special talent and the pony’s race. Getting the two to work together can take some creative thinking if one or both is vague. Take Applejack for example.”

A tiny, translucent Applejack appears on the table in a flash of magic.

“Her talent is farming, and her element is honesty. With a bit of work around and out of the box thinking, she can use her talent and abstract element to an enormous complimentary degree,” the princess explains.

A tiny sapling appears next to the small orange pony. Just to her right, another small mare and a sapling materialize. Both rapidly tend their own small plants, but the cow-pony’s sapling grows into a full, healthy apple tree much faster. It takes nearly a minute to Applejack’s twenty seconds for the nameless mare’s tree to stop growing, and it’s a pitiful sight compared to the orange pony’s mammoth apple tree.

“To Applejack, nothing beats ‘honest’ hard work, and her talent and magic element work in tandem when she has the mentality, doing more than what each could accomplish alone or without her innate magic. This is why her orchard, Sweet Apple Acres has enjoyed so much success since she took over,” Twilight says, voice full of pride for her friend.

You just ponder the implications for a moment.

‘So depending on the element and talent, a pony can induce a reality-altering effect as long as they can even sort-of connect the two? Jesus Christ… This is getting insane. How many more powers can these little equines pack into themselves?’’

“Now, a pony’s special talent is separate from her magic affinity,” the lecture continues before you can lose yourself to your thoughts. “A special talent is what a pony does best in life. Be that art, sports, farming, or something less defined like being good at making others smile or being kind.”

The purple alicorn smiles to herself for a moment, then continues speaking. “Once she’s realized that talent, that pony’s cutie mark will manifest in an act of spontaneous magic. Celestia’s is moving the sun, Luna, the moon, Cadence’s talent is mending bonds and fostering love, and mine is magic in general. I’m the largest deviation among the alicorns since, as you remember, my affinity is friendship and not magic.” The purple princess finishes happily.

‘Magic in general?’ You think to yourself. ‘If Twilight has the highest possible attunement to just magic in general, what does that mean? Is she the strongest? The most versatile? How the fuck does a ‘friendship’ alignment work with that? That tells me almost nothing.’

The cheer on the face of the mare across from you lessens a bit when she takes in your unsure face. “Oops, I’m just raising more questions, aren’t I?” She asks, letting her holographic princesses fade.

“A few,” you admit with a small grin. “But I’m getting the feeling that some serious self-study is in order anyway, so It’s not a huge deal. I thought the marks on your sides were just body art like tattoos, not something so meaningful.”

Twilight matches your grin at the phrase ‘self-study’. “So what’s a tattoo and why aren’t they as meaningful as cuties marks?” She asks with a cute tilt of her head.

Before you can answer, the alicorn glances towards the window. Then her eyes widen to unnatural proportions when she sees the position of the rising sun. “Sweet Celestia how long have we been sitting here talking?!” She yells in alarm.

You recoil, not expecting the outburst. “Maybe thirty, forty minutes tops? Not terribly long…”

She groans and hops out of her chair, doing an impatient dance on the tips of her hooves and filling the room with a rapid ClipClopClipClopClipClop

“I told Mayor Mare that we’d be there at seven AM sharp!” She exclaims, looking frustrated with herself. “It’s got to be at least seven-thirty now. We’re so late! I got sucked into our conversation and lost track of time!”

“Twilight, I think it’ll be okay. It’s still early in the morning after all, so I doubt that there’s going to be a queue or anything.” you try to reassure her as well as taking note of the familiar way time is told. “We just need to calmly explain what happened and we’ll be fine. The Mayor can't be that unreasonable, right?”

Her nervous little dance slows to stop. “She’s not…. Actually, Mayor Mare is rather fair…”

You smile and stand yourself. “See? No need to fret.”

‘That, and I don't want to know if panic casting is a real thing. Not this close, at least.’

“But..”

“But nothing, Twilight,” you say gently as you test your bounds again. “It’ll be fine.”

The mare sighs but relents with a small smile. “Oh, the irony. You’re perfectly calm and I’M the one freaking out.”

“Well, I’m going to have you at my side, so I see little reason to worry,” you freely flatter with a small smile.

She responds as you hoped, with a pink face and bashful grumbling. “Well, let's not be any later than we already are…”

“By all means, lead the way.”

Author's Note

EDIT
Holy hell the formatting on this was bad. FUcking hell knighty can you not break the site every update?

Chapter 4: Average Meeting

The walk through the slowly awakening hamlet of Ponyville is surprisingly calming. Perhaps it’s the nostalgic charm of the rustic town, or it could be as simple as being outside in the fresh, dawn air. Either way, you take the time to savor the simple pleasure. With a deep breath, you smile and admire the glimmering morning dew coating the patches of grass between the clean and whole houses.

A few other ponies are out and about. All of them looked your way, but none drew close enough for you to make out details beyond color.

’Honestly, I’m kinda glad no one is coming up to us,’ you silently think as you watch a yellow mare across the dirt road trot briskly to an unknown destination. ‘The last thing I want is to run into a pony less reasonable than the girls I’ve already met.’ A quick glance confirms that your gun is still on your side, just in case.

You turn your attention to the smiling purple princess at your side, watching her trot a few times for each one of your own strides.

She moves just like a real pony, just with her motions scaled down to fit an alien form. Her mane and tail bounce slightly with each step and her wings twitch like they want to flap and speed her along. The flesh of her belly and flanks also ripple slightly with each step, providing a subtle ‘realness’ that previously seemed absent. The longer your look, the more you realize that the comparison to an earth equine is superficial at best.

”Anon?”

Shit, you were staring.

“Erm. I’m sorry about the staring, Twilight,” you apologize, turning away from her inquisitive face as you do so. “Your kind…” you hesitate, “faintly resemble animals back home, so I guess I got lost in thought thinking about it,” you tell her, deciding to go with the truth.

”Really?” she asks with a far more curious than perturbed expression.

’This might be a common theme with her.’

You nod. “Indeed. We even have the same species name for them; ponies. Though, most ponies were selectively bred from horses, a larger equine.”

Twilight’s eyes sparkle with the new information. After a second, she slows her pace and seems to replay what you just told her. “Whorses?”

You raise an eyebrow. “I heard you put a W on that.”

She nods, seeming unsure. “I did. Anon, what does that word mean?”

A slow sinking feeling finds its way to the pit of your stomach. “It’s just the name of a species of equine,” you answer carefully. “I’m really not liking the direction this conversation took…”

”It’s nothing you did, honest!” Twilight hastily says, relieving some of the sinking feeling. “I think we just ran into a word with differing meanings. Whorse is a grave insult here in Equestria that implies the worst sort of sexual promiscuity. I’ve only ever heard it in genuine arguments.”

You gulp as the full realization of what just happened hits you. Even your words, as innocent as they are, could damn you before you even realized it.

Reading the library for some sort of cultural guide just jumped up in priority.

“Well, uh…” You scratch the back of your head, unsure of how to proceed.

”Like I said, Anon. That wasn't your fault,” Twilight says. “It was just a cultural misunderstanding. It’s probably going to happen again, unfortunately.”

You remain silent.

Her face melts back into its default smile as what you assume to be town hall comes into view. “Here we are!”
The large circular building must be the largest in Ponyville, the building and the land around it taking up a large part of the south-eastern part of the town.

You check the sun to confirm your coordinate estimation is right, but recall the… event yesterday and throw out the estimation. Your internal compass will have to do from now on.

As is polite, you lengthen your stride to reach the front door first so you can open it for your companion.

Twilight quickly clambers up the wooden steps that you took two at a time, passing you. She then opens the door with her magic, waiting for you to cross first with a wide smile.

You return the smile with a bit of confusion, but just chalk it up to another cultural thing as you duck slightly to clear the doorway.

The inside of the hall is exactly what you expected. A rustic waiting room with chairs to sit in and what looks like old magazines scattered around on end tables. Everything is made of wood and shines with the aged clear-coat you’d find on old, but loved furniture. On the walls are several detailed portraits of what you guess are past mayors in decorated gold frames. In the back is a door labeled “Mayor” behind a bored looking caramel-colored pony reading something on her desk, not paying you or Twilight any attention.

The sound of the front door closing seems to rouse the mare. “Welcome to town hall,” she starts in an obviously rehearsed and oddly deep voice. “How can I help ...you?”

The pony looks up from what she’s reading, showing a more squared muzzle and wider shoulders than Twilight or any of her friends.

Hold on… The voice, the stocker appearance… Is this a stallion? You keep silent, hoping to find out.

But the probable stallion just gapes at you, making the urge to fidget unbearable.

Twilight clears her throat. “Erm, Toffee? We’re here to see the mayor? We had an appointment.”

You look down, noticing a nametag on the desk saying “Mr Toffee - Aide” on it. Mister. So this guy is a stallion, The first one you’ve seen.

Toffee shakes his head and cuts off his stare. “Gracious! How rude of me!” he exclaims, his ears pinned back. “I’m so sorry princess and…and...”

“Anonymous,” you supply, trying to put on a reassuring smile as you talk. “And it’s fine. I doubt this will be the last time I get funny looks.”

Your words don’t appear to help as the stallion just looks more devastated by his own mistake.

Luckily Twilight comes to the rescue. “Is the mayor ready to see us?” she asks, swiftly changing the subject. “I’m sure the mayor will be busy as a bee here soon and we’re already a bit late,” she says with a short ruffle of her wings.

Toffee takes a dramatic breath and calms himself. “Yes, Princess. The mayor actually requested to speak with you privately first, if that’s okay,” he says, sending you a sidelong glance.

That makes you more nervous than it should.

“I’ll be fine out here for a few minutes,” you tell both ponies halfheartedly. “I don’t imagine that an extra talk could take too long.”

Twilight looks back to you with a worried expression. “Are you sure? I would have no problem letting you in with us.”

“I’ll be fine,” you reassure.

The princess doesn't seem terribly convinced but doesn't pursue the subject. “Okay. I’ll be back shortly,” she says as she trots to the door behind Toffee’s desk.

You shrug off your pack and settle in the too-small chair closest to the front desk as the door clicks shut, muffled female voices following after. The large room falls into an uneasy silence, broken only by the ticking of a wall clock.

Toffee tries to go back to what he was reading behind his desk, but the stallion’s eyes keep slowly wandering back to you before he catches himself. His large orbs are filled with countless questions just barely being held back. You just twiddle your thumbs and try to will away your rising discomfort.

A full, maddening minute passes.

Toffee suddenly clears his throat, nearly making you jump. “Sooooo, visiting from far away? I don't think I’ve ever met a…” He pauses, waiting for you to finish.

“A human,” you provide. “And far away? Yeah, that’s a good way to say it,” you say as you straighten up on your chair then ruefully remark; “It was an unexpected trip though, and I have no idea how I’m getting home.”

The stallion seems to pick up on the unspoken desire to drop the subject. “Well hun, I think you’ll like Ponyville,” he says with a smile. “We’re not the biggest, the best, the richest, or anything really. But you’ll have no shortage of new friends. In fact, how about you and I become friends?”

You look up at the smiling pony with suspicion, idly filing away the ‘hun’ comment.

’He went from looking like one fright away from a scream to suddenly wanting to be friends. Again, these little ponies confuse the shit out of me.’

“Sure,” you begin, cornered by the request. “I’d enjoy that.”

Toffee beams. “Great! Us guys gotta stick together, after all. Ugh, I think there are all of thirty stallions in town.”

You raise an eyebrow at the interesting tidbit of info, but mentally jot it down without comment.

He reaches over his desk with a hoof extended and an expectant look on his face.

’He wants a handshake er, a hoofshake I guess?’

Your first thought is to reject the gesture, but…

’I have no idea how poorly that would reflect on me. That could be a slap in the face to him for all I know.’

With great reluctance, you reach out and lightly take hold of the outstretched limb, giving it a gentle shake and making Toffee giggle before quickly pulling away.

’His fur is impossibly soft,’ you absently think.

”I know we both already know each other’s names, but it wouldn't be a proper friendship without a proper introduction, sooooo. My name is Toffee, and I’m the mayor’s aide,” he says, beaming joyfully.

“Anonymous, or Anon for short, and I’m unemployed,” you reply lightly.

Toffee rolls his eyes playfully and flicks an ear. “Hun, the whole job thing is overrated anyway.”

“I hear that.”

Before your latest companion can continue, the door the mayor’s office opens and Twilight, followed by another, older looking mare with half-moon spectacles exit.

”Thank you for entertaining my request, Princess,” the older pony thanks Twilight before she turns to you, a calm expression on her face. “Hello, Anonymous. I’m Mayor Mare. I understand you’ll be staying in Ponyville as a new citizen at Princess Celestia’s behest.”

You nod an affirmative. “That I am, ma’am. Thank you for taking the time to meet with me.”

“There’s no need for the ‘ma’am’ my dear. Just mayor works if you insist on being formal,” the mayor waves you off, but her smile grows just a bit. “I’ve reviewed all the paperwork, and now all we need is a photo. Toffee, can you get the camera please?”

The stallion seems surprised and then a bit sour at the request, but nonetheless stands briskly and trots off with a ”Right away mayor!”

Twilight and the mayor share a look, both minutely shaking their heads before returning their attention back to you.
”He might be a moment,” Mayor Mare says, starting the conversation back up. “Mister Anonymous, as a citizen, you gain the rights to vote, own land, hold office, and are both bound and protected by the laws of Equestria. That’s a very abridged version of your rights, but Princess Twilight said you were interested in some self-study.”

You note how Twilight didn’t ask the mayor to drop her title.

”So I thought I would leave it to you so you may learn everything at your own pace,” Mayor Mare says with a smile.
You push your thoughts out and return the smile. “Thank you, mayor. Really.”

SLAM!

You stand and whirl around to the sound in a single movement, making both Twilight and the mayor jump at the sudden action.

Annnnd you got jumpy for nothing, as the sound was just Rainbow Dash being too forceful with the front door.
The colorful mare zips past your little group to hover over Toffee’s desk, scanning it for something with growing frustration on her face. Finally, she groans and turns around, locking eyes with the mayor

”Where the hay are the weather schedules for this week?” The pegasus all but demands. “They weren’t in my office inbox and my team is already late for today.”

”I’m not sure, Rainbow,” the older mare replies, taking the rude non-greeting in stride. “The postmare already made her round here this morning, so Cloudsdale must be sending them late.”

Rainbow groans again. “Perfect, now I have to make one. Yay paperwork…”

”They’re under my desk!”

Everyone turns to the voice, finding Toffee trudging back in with an old camera on a tripod tucked under one foreleg. He sets the camera down with a huff and turns to Rainbow. “The mailmare was running late, so she left them here to be sent to you later.”

Rainbow rolls her eyes a mutters something derogatory about crossed eyes under her breath, reaching under the desk as she does so. Her hooves return with a stack of papers. After glancing over the papers, she sends Toffee a smile. “Thanks hot-stuff.”

For a reason you're not sure of, the stallion purses his lips at the flirt. “You’re welcome. Now if you don't mind, we were in the middle of finalizing Anon’s citizenship,” he snips

The pegasus looks up from the schedules, finally noticing you and Twilight, making a grin break out into her face. “Heya Anon, Twi. Whatcha gals going here?”

You smile a little when Toffee facepalms (facehoofs?) behind her.

“Just getting my papers finished, Rainbow. All I need is a picture.”

”What are ya doing after that?”

You send a glance over to Twilight. ”We’re not on any set schedule after this,” the purple princess helpfully interjects. With a nod, you turn back to Rainbow. “Well, I did promise Rarity a visit if I have time, so I guess that’s next. After that, we’ll see.”

”Boooooring!” the flying pony exclaims distastefully. “Talking about clothes over tea is not my idea of a good time.

“Clothes and tea, huh?” you muse aloud. “It does sound a bit dull, but I wouldn't mind doing something calm for once.”

Rainbow’s face falls into a thoughtful frown. “Well... If you’re gonna do that, I guess I should pass the schedules out first, then I’ll join after,” the pegasus grumbles, going back on her earlier disagreement.

You step out of the town hall with Twilight in tow, absently flipping the little card in your hand as you do so.
It’s just a simple plastic ID card like one would expect. It has your name, your address (the library currently), your photo, and a unique ID code.The little spot for a cutie mark picture is marked “N/A” and other details like your date of birth and blood type were omitted since they didn’t match the Equestrian standard. They did get your weight and height, though. Curiously, Equestria uses the metric system. If what the mayor said is true, the little thing is similar to a social security card back home and should be stashed somewhere safe when not in use.

But what interested you the most was the machine that made the card.

The ID printer was similar to ones you’ve seen in old DMV offices and was decidedly out of place in Ponyville.
Unfortunately, you didn't get the chance to ask anything before the mayor hoofed you the card and was promptly spirited away to a meeting with a wealthy looking stallion.

You lace your fingers over your head in a stretch and groan contently when your shoulders and back loudly go Pop pop pop!

”Eug…” Twilight’s fur stands on end and her back arches at the sound. She sort-of looks like a cat. “Are you alright? That didn’t sound healthy.”

“I’m fine,” you smile just a bit, hiding your mirth at her reaction. “Can ponies not pop their joints?”

”Not like that,” she admits. “What did you do?”

“I just stretched until gas caught in the fluid of my joints bubbled, making the sound. It sounds nasty, but feels great,” you explain. “That’s only a half-recalled explanation, though. So, Rarity’s?”

”This way!”

You pocket your ID card and follow the westward trotting princess once again, feeling lighter than you had been earlier.

’Much of what I feared initially has not come to pass,’ you think, looking up and watching a pair of lavender colored pegasi gracefully glide by overhead. ‘This place is crazy as shit, yet I’m still in one piece and have one of the highest authorities around on my side now. Is it luck? How much longer is that luck going to last?’ You look back down and grimace a moment later. ‘Not long, apparently.’

The once deserted morning streets are slowly becoming more crowded with hoof-traffic as the sun climbs higher in the sky. Between several houses is a road intersecting the most densely packed street. Market stalls are manned, ponies of all colors wander to-and-fro between them, the dull roar of conversation fills your ears, and multiple pinpricks of pressure touch your yet-to-be-named 6th sense.

A crowd. The last thing you wanted.

”Here is the main market street,” your purple guide says. “You can get just about everything here. Food, sundries, magic supplies, you name it. We’ll cut through here to get to the Carousel Boutique.” she exclaims with a wide smile. Her smile quickly falls a second later. “Anon? Are you alright?” Twilight asks, stepping a bit closer.

“H-heh. I’m fine, Twilight,” you reply.

’Fuck. Is my voice wavering?’

You look down at your suddenly sweaty, shaking palms and take a breath, calming the tremors running up and down your body. “Just fine…”

”Anon, we can go the long way around if you’re feeling anxious,” Twilight quietly assures you. “I don't want you doing anything you feel you're not ready for. I know that a quiet evening in the library with friends and the morning market are two totally different things. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable here…”

She tenderly places a hoof on your thigh in what you assume is comfort, but you have to force back the urge to slap the limb away.

You take a slow, deep breath and let the out air out of your nose in a low hiss. “It’s best if we just do it now, Twilight. I wasn’t a fan of large groups back home and this is definitely worse, but I’ll have to do it eventually,” you grumble.

Sometimes, being an adult sucks.

”Alright…” Twilight replies with an unhappy frown, “but I want you to let me know if you want to leave.”

You just cross your arms and reluctantly nod.

At your non-verbal reply, the alicorn slowly leads you closer to the market street.

Every step is a bit more dread welling up inside you, but the last of bit time before you face the crowd is used well.
Your eyes dart between the alleyways lining the large street, holes in the crowd, and the occasional low overhang or stacked objects you could climb up to the rooftops with.

’Most of the buildings are low enough that I could jump and drag myself up if I wasn’t in full gear,’ you think to yourself. ‘I need to find a secure place to store my junk. A magic proof place if such a thing exists.’

”Nine bits for one bunch of puny bananas?! That's highway robbery!”

Your eyes gravitate to the source of the sound.

The alleyway comes to an end right next to a fruit stand, where a disgruntled green unicorn stands with a beige coated, blue-and-pink maned earth pony. Behind the stand itself is an impatient looking mare in an apron.

The Earth pony rolls her eyes. “Lyra, it’s not that big of a deal,” she says before turning to the vender. “Five bits.”

The fruit vender face scrunches up like she just did a full-mouth bite into a lemon. “Five bits? Are you joking? I’ll give you eight.”

”You’ve got to be the one joking here,” Lyra replies, her own muzzle scrunched up. “Make it six.” She turns her eyes away from the fruit mare for a second, glancing at you before returning her gaze forward.

An instant later, Lyra whips her shocked face towards you so fast it’s a wonder she didn't break her neck. The still unnamed earth pony does the same thing, giving you a sidelong look that quickly transforms into surprise. The eerily human expressions and sudden attention would have made you gulp if your throat didn't just constrict itself.

”Hey, you two going to buy something or are going to keep making faces at meeeeee…” the mare running the stall pokes her head out and locks onto you as well, her jaw slowly dropping as she trails off.

Twilight stops and frowns at all three. You can see a verbal lashing already warming up in her mouth.

“Good morning,” you quickly greet past the lump in your throat, stopping Twilight from potentially making a scene.
Strangely, all three of the mares visibly relax at the sound of your voice but don’t drop their looks.

“Erm, morning?” Lyra greets back with an awkward smile.

Her earth pony companion just stares until Lyra’s elbow jabs her side. “Ow, Lyra!”

”It’s rude to stare, Bonbon.”

”It’s a cunt move to put your elbow into my lung.”

”I wouldn’t need to be a cunt of you weren’t one in the first place!”

”Goddess, you’re the worst.”

”Suck my clit.”

...

Your brows furrow together. What the actual fuck did you just stumble into? You glance down at Twilight, but the flat expression she's wearing tells you all you need to know.

An immature chuckle almost bubbles out of you as the pair of mares trade dirty insults.

”-like the huge dyke that you are.”

”That’s hilarious coming from you. Remember band camp?”

”Buck off. That doesn't count.”

Your hand rises to your mouth to cover your smile and your apprehension fades the more the mares talk.
It’s like the arguments you and Nito used to have.

”Are you two going to buy something or are you going to curse up a storm in front of my stand, a princess, and a... stallion?” The now scowling fruit vender cuts in, stopping Lyra and Bonbon. “You’re going to scare away real customers.” The vender mare turns to Twilight and you with an apologetic smile. “Your Majesty, sir, I’m sorry about these two nitwits. They do this every time they come to shop here.”

”Not a nitwit…” Lyra grumbles under her breath.

Twilight waves away the fruit vendor's apology with a smile and starts walking again, prompting you and the pair of mares follow.

With a sigh, you try to focus on the conversation over the stares and the quieting crowd.

As you walk, Twilight turns to the two extra mares, her face decidedly neutral. “Lyra? Bonbon? Do you two have to argue over everything? I had a father a few days ago come to me saying you were letting an argument turn foul in the park near some foals.”

Your focus on the conversation doubles in an instant. Is foul language worthy of punishment here? Are other restrictions on what you can say? The thought makes you bite your lip. Minding your words is one thing, but if that goes deeper into restricting certain types of speech...

Luckily, your worry is unfounded with Twilight’s next words; “There’s no real punishment for doing it, but can you please not? Some ponies are bypassing the guards and mayor directly to me. I don’t mind helping ponies, but…” She leans in close and lowers her voice, “inane complaints about cursing cut into time I could be using elsewhere.”

Lyra gives a mock salute while Bonbon just rolls her eyes. “Gotcha, bosslady. No staining virgin ears,” Lyra says with a grin and a wink. “So, who's your friend?”

And all the attention is back on you.

You clear your throat and try to wet your dry mouth. “My name is Anonymous, or Anon for short. I’m a friend of Princess Twilight, who is graciously letting me stay with her during my visit,” you say, trying to keep your intro as bland and inoffensive as possible. “It’s a pleasure to meet you,” you finish with a smile.

Didn’t trip over your words or feet. Nailed it. Probably.

Lyra’s smile grows even larger. “As you probably heard, the sexy mint mare before you is named Lyra. The grump’s name is Bonbon.”

Bonbon scowls. “Now listen here you little shi-”

The princess at your side clears her throat loudly, making Bonbon’s words halt.

Again, you crack the smallest of smiles at the antics. One could almost think that these little equines aren’t impossible reality warpers. The talking lapses into a silence that rapidly turns uncomfortable.

’Why did they have to stop talking? Keep going. Please distract me.’

The stares and hushed whispers pull at your attention, stretching it out so far that focusing on any one thing is impossible. The flares of unsettling pressure around you still fire off in startling contrast to your other senses, like harsh pokes to your head from an invisible hand.

Sound begins to fade, replaced with an incessant ring in your ears and an undertone of your own heartbeat. The sea of little aliens watching, judging, thinking, all in ways you can't predict.

’Just one foot in front of the other, man. Keep walking. It’ll get better.’

Each stride or your legs lasts an eon, and the road never seems to shorten.

’I should have listened to Twilight and bitched out.’

Lyra and Bonbon start talking again, but their voices are muffled by the din in your own ears.

Walk, walk, walk, just move forward.

Lyra and Bonbon bid a farewell as they break off, heading down a side street, not that you notice much.

Finally, what you can only assume to be the boutique comes into view. The building is both tall and colorful, matching what you know of Rarity well. But most importantly of all, the boutique is outside of the crowded street.

Like with town hall, Twilight pulls ahead to knock on the door. Nary a moment later, the doorknob glows blue and the door swings in, revealing a smiling Rarity.

”Twilight! Anonymous!” Rarity exclaims over the subsiding ring in your head.

The unicorn steps forward and Twilight meets her halfway, both mares meeting in a brief but affectionate nuzzle. Rarity steps back and looks at you searchingly, not dropping her delighted expression. Her face slowly falls after a moment. “Anonymous? You’re pale and shaking. Are you feeling alright?”

’What?’

“What?”

You blink and look down at your hands, just now noticing the violent tremors in them. The rest of your body is similarly shaking.

’Should have gone the long way…’

“Oh. I guess I am shaking…” You murmur.

”Please dear, come inside and sit down,” the white mare urges. “Just take a moment to relax.”

“That’s alright, Rarity,” you wave her off with a weak smile. “The crowded market threw me off a little, that’s all. I’ll get used to it.”

She shakes her head, making her violet curls bounce. “I would not call that ‘thrown off a little’, dear. I will not claim to be a xenobiology expert, but that looked distinctly like a building panic attack.”

You look away at the floor.

Rarity turns her attention to Twilight. “What I’m wondering is who let it happen in the first place,” she says, her expression flat.

The Princess’s eyes go wide and she desperately looks up at you.

“I’m the one who wanted to do it, Rarity. Twilight tried to talk me out of it. It’s best to get it over with and get used to it now since I have no idea how long I’ll be here in Equestria,” you explain with a shrug.

The unicorn doesn't seem happy if her furrowed brows and pursed lips are anything to go by. “Very well, I suppose it’s not my place to protest. I just ask that you don’t push yourself, darling. I cannot even fathom how huge a change this must be for you.” She looks up at you with large, emotional eyes. “Please promise me you won’t.”

’Please don’t look at me with the watery eyes.’

Try as you might, you can’t simply dismiss the soulful plead like you wanted. Not with the look she’s giving you.

You sigh. “I promise.”

Rarity does a 180 in the blink of an eye. “Wonderful!” she replies with a beaming smile. “Do come in. I’ve so looked forward to your visit. Has our local princess tried to pick your brain yet?”

“Not yet. I haven’t seen the room-length scroll yet this morning,” you say, words coming easier now that you’re indoors. “Something tells me it’s a matter of time though,” you finish, taking a look around.

The boutique is huge on the inside and made to impress. Various pony mannequins dressed in finery fit for nobles run along the walls under lights. Some even incorporate jewels of ludicrous size. The high ceiling gives a very roomy feeling, and the small runway in the center of the room further legitimizes the boutique feeling.

Rarity must be yet another powerful or influential mare.

”I’m not that bad…” Twilight grumbles as she shuts the door behind you and herself. “You act like you’re not curious.”

”Oh, I am. But a gentlemare knows there is a time and place for such inquiries,” Rarity says with a jokingly haughty sniff. “Like now.”

Both mares share a laugh as Rarity leads the group down a hallway off the main room and into a sunny sitting room with a tea set already on the table. Both the mares hop into a seat with ease, while you have to tuck your knees under the table and take off your pack again to sit across from Rarity and to Twilight’s left.

”So, Anonymous,” Rarity begins as she quickly serves three cups of tea with her magic. “How are you liking Equestria so far? I know you’ve only been here for a day, but I certainly hope the time has been tolerable at least.”

“It’s been… different,” you reply absently, thinking over the last turbulent 24 hours. “Not bad, but not what I expected.” You stare at the slowly rising steam of your teacup as you think. “This isn't the line of questioning I expected. Since you're a fashionista, is kind of expected you to open with…”

”A discussion on your clothes?” She finishes with a smile and a light shake of her head. “I get that more often than you think. Fashion may be my calling in life, but it’s not the only topic I enjoy discussing.”

You nod. Makes perfect sense.

”Though, I would certainly be interested in the challenge making you a wardrobe would entail,” she tacks on. “I’m glad your time here isn’t an awful experience for you,” Rarity continues. “Nopony is sure how long you’ll be staying with us, but I can only hope that you’ll grow to enjoy it.”

You give the mare a bittersweet smile. “There are things and people awaiting me back home. Not much, but enough that I miss them. If I end up liking it here, won’t that make it that much harder to leave?” You ask, trying to gauge her with her response.

Rarity “Hmm’s” into an otherwise silent sip of her tea. “Maybe, but there is no place like home. I think you’ll find your way there. Whether your time here is long enough for a grand tale, or short enough to just be a footnote in your life, we’ll remember you as a friend either way, and I hope you think the same of us,” she finishes with a light smile.

Twilight grins and adds her own “Mm-Hm!”

You can’t help but blink at the strangely genuine comment. It’s so unexpected that a pocket of warmth blooms in your chest. “Erm, thank you both. I mean it,” you say, looking away to hide your awkward smile.

Both of the mare’s smiles grow.

The conversation takes a lighter turn. Rarity leads for most of it between sips of her tea, talking dramatically of fickle customers in Canterlot, the capital. Whenever a lull opens up, Twilight speaks, telling of just how she too knows the exasperation of dealing with Canterlot in the wake of her new royal duties. It leaves you with some time to listen and, dare you say it? Relax just a bit.

”He may have been rather rude in the wording of his order, but watching his eyes light up when he came to pick it up simply made my day,” Rarity finishes a tale with a smile.

Twilight rolls her eyes, but her lips are upturned as well. “Related to Caramel by any chance?”

Both the mares share a short laugh before Twilight turns to you. “So Anon, what did you do earth? We’ve been sitting here talking about ourselves,” her smile turns sheepish, “...without giving you any time to talk.”

You set down your now empty teacup before you answer. “It’s fine, Twilight. I’m content to listen most times,” you tell her, dismissing her concern. “As for what I did on earth...” You stop to think it over.

’Some things I wish didn’t have to.’

You close your eyes and scowl, banishing the stray thought. “Well, I was in my second year of university still trying to figure out a direction in my life. A decent scholarship and a government program got me in with a near full-ride. I never really got to pick a major before some… Unforeseen events took place.” Your scowl deepens. “That was a few years ago and I’ve sort-of been a drifter ever since.”

’’Drifter’ is the understatement of the year.’

You open your eyes back up to surprised expressions from Rarity and Twilight, as if they didn't expect such an answer. Both jump when you look at them and quickly share a glance.

”Anonymous, we’re terribly sorry if that drudged up unpleasant memories,” Rarity apologizes with a sullen frown. “We didn’t know…”

“I don’t mind, really,” you say with a sigh. “It was a defining time in my life, and I can’t really change it. Would you go back and change something that shaped you if it wasn’t exactly a good time?”

”I think I can answer for both Rarity and I,“ Twilight starts, looking between her own wings and her alabaster friend with a pondering expression. “We’ve had our own share of adventures over the last year or two that we didn't enjoy, but wouldn't go back and change.” The Princess looks up at you, the same fire in her eyes from the previous night. “After all, we’re defined by our history and experiences.” The intense look on Twilight fades, now replaced with a tilt of her head. “Wait… Anon, when you hit that rough patch, did you not have a mare to…” she stops short and looks away, readjusting her resting wings in a gesture you can't place.

You raise an eyebrow. “A mare to..?”

CAUTION LEFT

The words die on your tongue as your instincts flare, making your head snap left right in time for Rainbow Dash smack face-first into the window with a “Whump!”

The mares and yourself all flinch, but for different reasons.

Twilight because she’s probably worried about her friend being injured.

You because of your general aversion to loud noises. The urge to jump out of your seat was also suppressed.

And Rarity…

The window is gently opened with Rarity’s light blue magic, making Rainbow comically squeak across the glass. The pegasus slides down, catching the windowsill with her forelegs as she blinks the stars from her vision.

”Rainbow,” Rarity says with deceptive gentleness, “why do you feel the need to test the strength of my windows so often?”

The pegasus mare sniffs and rubs her red snout. “I dunno. Why don't you leave your windows open?”

”I can think of a few reasons…” Rarity remarks dryly. “Like keeping pesky pegasi out.”

Rainbow puffs up at the jab. Literally. The fur on her chest puffs out and her wings rise off her sides as of to flap. “Oh yeah?”

”Indeed,” the unicorn confirms. “Please use the door like everypony else.”

Pressure. More than Rarity has been producing.

The window starts to close, but Rainbow vanishes without even a blur. An instant later, the room reverberates with a dull ‘boom’ as the pegasus materializes next to Rarity, who lets out a startled squeak as she's buffeted by the displaced air.

”Rainbow, please! Must you?” Rarity cries with scowl. The white unicorn conjures a small crude mirror in her magic and looks at her disheveled mane with slumped withers.

Rainbow just snorts and badly muffles her laughs behind her hooves before sticking her tongue out at her friend.
Too bad she never saw the magic band form around her extended tongue.

“Ach! Wawity!” Rainbow flails, trying to pull away with little success. The smirking unicorn lets her trapped friend growl and loudly slur a promise of retribution before finally letting go.

Inwardly you mull over the magic display. Rarity can apparently make reflective surfaces and has enough control to grasp delicate things without damaging them. And Rainbow’s speed had to be magic assisted. The sudden pressure flare tipped you off to that much. Plus, there’s no way she can move faster than an eye can track and come to a total stop an instant later otherwise. Idly, you wonder why she didn’t stop before hitting the window.

Twilight’s lecture on magick elements and talents comes back to mind. Odd stuff, magic.

Rainbow settles into the seat to your left between you and Rarity with a grumble.

Twilight rolls her eyes at the display, but her smile tells you all you need to know about the dynamic. “Nice to see you too, Rainbow. I didn't think you’d actually want to show up.”

”Pffft, and miss the chance to hangout with an alien?” the pegasus says like the choice is obvious. “When am I going to get this chance again?”

“Tomorrow, probably. And sometime after that,” you tell her with an amused smile. “I get the feeling that precise dimensional travel isn’t something done in a day, even with magic.” You glance over to Twilight, who nods.

Even if you already knew about your indefinite stay, the confirmation only sours your mood a bit.

”Great! Then we have more time to hang out!” Rainbow exclaims with a grin. An instant later, her words catch up with her. “Er, I mean, it’s not great that you’re stuck, but, well…” she fumbles, rubbing the back of her head with a hoof.

“I get what you’re trying to say,” you interrupt as kindly as you can, “and the thought is appreciated. I won’t turn down more friends,” you tell her with a smile.

’Especially powerful and important ones. I may not like personal debts, but rejecting good connections helps no one.’

Rainbow’s eyes light up. “Awesome! We’ll have a blast, I promise!”

“I’m certain.”

Again, the conversation drifts back to more lighthearted topics, with Rainbow taking charge and regaling the whole group (but mostly you) on her athletic triumphs. Neither Rarity or Twilight seem overly impressed, but the petite pegasus’s tales certainly keep your attention. Attention she gladly preens under.

“A Rainboom?” you question skeptically.

”Yes!” Rainbow Dash says with a wide grin. “The Sonic Rainboom. The greatest flying technique I’ve got, and I’ve got a lot of em. It’s my magna… Mago… Magoim…”

”Magnum Opus,” Twilight helpfully supplies.

”Yeah, that!”

You level the colorful mare with a narrow-eyed look, but her excitement doesn't dwindle. “So if I’ve got this right, you fly so fast and trail so much magic that physics just sorta dips and says “nah man”, letting you make an explosion of rainbow light and move even faster?” you question, losing your practiced formal tone in the face of yet another magic absurdity.

“Yup!”

You’re silent for just a moment, but in that time Rainbow finally starts to wilt, her ears flicking and her ecstatic grin slowly falling.

She seems to be waiting for a positive answer.

“Alright, that does sound really cool,” you admit with a small smile, making the pegasus athlete nearly burst at the seams with joy.

’I’ll still need to see a real “Rainboom” to totally believe it, however. I don’t care that magic is common here’

”The coolest!” She exclaims, eyes sparkling and wings twitching like she wants to fly. “After me and Applejack do our bravest pony competition in a few days, I’ll have the whole day off. We can head out into the woods together and I can show you my stuff!”

Rarity’s eyes bug out and she nearly chokes on some inhaled tea while Twilight goes beat red in an instant.

“R-rainbow! Would you listen to what you're implying!? Right in front of a male, no less!” the Princess forces out.

The mare in question leans back away from the irate alicorn. “What? What did I say? I don’t get it.”

Hell no.

“So what’s this ‘bravest pony’ competition you were talking about?” You swiftly ask, changing the topic before your own cheeks could turn red.

’That’s some imagery I didn’t need...’

Rainbow blinks at the abrupt subject swap, but answers anyway. “I bet Applejack I was braver than her, she said she was the braver pony, so we turned it into a competition with a buncha events. We gotta wait for one of the beekeepers to get back to us for the bee suit challenge.”

“Bees?” you ask with a raised eyebrow. “Other challenges I understand, but bees? Is that safe? Last I recall, bees are temperamental and their stings are more than a little painful.”
Rainbow just smirks. “It’s all good. I’m no wuss so a little pain is fine. Besides, the point is to not freakout and get stung anyway.”

”You have bees on Earth, Anon?” Twilight chimes in with interest. “Are they the same as Equestrian bees? Do they make honey? Are there any other similarities you’ve noticed?”

You nod. “Yes, yes, and a surprising number, actually. Much of the flora and fauna I’ve noticed so far is either the same or mimics Earth’s so well that distinguishing with just a glance is impossible. A number of more mundane things match as well. I’d even go as far as to say that Equis and Earth are close parallels...Well, relatively speaking,” you say, waving your hand in a ‘so-so’ motion. “Just interchange ponies and humans, and the differences would be negligible sans the use of magic and culture. Once I’ve seen a bit more, I might be able to draft up a list for you.”

The princess’s delight at the new info is plain on her face, making Rarity giggle and Rainbow groan past a tea cookie. “Come on, Twi. Don’t make Anon do nerd stuff. He doesn't deserve that,” she says, throwing crumbs on the table.

”Rainbow dear pleeeease chew your food!”

The pegasus lets out an unladylike grunt and swallows the dry confection.

”It’s not nerd stuff!” Twilight whines with a stomp of her hoof, making her chair shake. “This is legitimate scientific discussion and cultural exchange! A whole new world with their own discoveries and sciences that may have developed totally different to that of Equestria’s. Who is to say that something common on one world was missed by the other? We’ve got a smart stallio-er, man like Anon here to give up a glimpse of it all. How can you not be excited?! I’ve got so many empty notebooks and scrolls that need filled!” She nearly yells, vibrating in her seat all the while.

You lean back and give Rarity a pleading look. “Does this happen er, often?”

”Every so often, yes.” she casually answers, pouring herself more tea.

“Well shit…” you mumble, but Rainbow apparently hears if her sudden giggles are anything to go by.

”Save it for another time. Let’s go outside and do something,” the prismatic mare says. In a flash, her hooves are on your collar.

You blank out.

The flying mare’s eyes go wide and she moves away, but the backhanded fist still clips her muzzle with a single knuckle, sending her spiraling end over end to the floor where she lands with a loud THUD!.

”RAINBOW!” “RAINBOW!”

Twilight and Rarity are up in an instant and by the fallen mare’s side, who groans pitifully.

You blink and look at the small spot of crimson on your hand, feeling all your insides clench.

One day. One day and you’ve fucked up.

”A-Anon! Why did you do-” Rarity’s shaking voice is cut off when Rainbow explodes from her spot on the floor and into the air.

Here it comes. You won’t even be able to draw your gun in time.

”WHAT IN TARTARUS-” the pegasus starts so loud that the windows rattle, “WAS THAT FOR!?” she roars just out of reach of your arms with a withering glare focused dead on you.

Her words and visage said only one thing.

Talk. And talk now.

“Look, that was... I didn’t...” you grasp for words, your mind going blank as your eyes lock onto the bleeding split on Rainbow’s lip.

You did that. You attacked a national hero and celebrity.

’Game over. There goes the luck I thought about earlier, right out the fucking window.’

Twilight and Rarity just watch helplessly

”You didn’t what, huh?!” she demands, wincing when her scowl pulls at the wound. “What’s your problem?! I try to be nice and go out of my way to be your friend and this is what you do!?”

“I didn’t mean to, it just sort of happened! I mean it!”

She narrows her eyes and stares at you. “Oh, right. You regret it now so the story is “it just sorta happened” hmm?! Did you expect me to just take that and say “well okay”? If you didn’t want me around then SAY SOMETHING YOU DICK!”

Words can't even exit your mouth anymore. All you can do is clench your holstered pistol so hard that your knuckles pop.

“RAINBOW! THAT’S ENOUGH!” Twilight’s thunderous voice shakes the entire building, knocking dust from the ceiling and cowing the pegasus before the first word is even over.

Rainbow lowers to the floor, but keeps an ugly, betrayed glower on you, even as Rarity dabs at her split lip with a linen napkin.

You keep your eyes on the ground, trying to ignore the holes being stared into you.

The entire room is silent for a moment.

Why can’t you ever catch a break?

The quiet is broken by hoof-steps until a pair of purple hooves stops on the edge of your vision.

”Anon?” Twilight asks quietly.

You gulp.

”What happened there?”

“I...” you pause and clench your jaw so hard that you can hear your teeth creak. “I don’t enjoy being touched, Twilight. To the point that I just react without thinking. It’s nothing against any of you. It’s... Difficult to explain.” You’re keenly aware of the amount of attention on you. “I was wrong to not warn any of you, and I apologize.”

You lift your gaze up to find all three ponies bore into you with unreadable expressions. Rarity opens her mouth as if to say something, but stops halfway. When you look back, all of them tear their eyes away, suddenly looking uncomfortable.

Rainbow takes a deep breath and steps forward, making you reflexively lean back. “Do you mean it?” she asks simply.

“Mean..?”

”Did you mean to take a swing at me?”

“No. Never,” you tell her as firmly as your still shaky voice can.

The petite pony stares you down as hard as she can for nearly a full minute, and you refuse to look away. Finally she takes a deep breath and lets her withers slump. “I guess... I guess if you didn’t mean it... I can’t really stay angry...” she mumbles. “I wanna be mad, I really do. But you said sorry and meant it. Some warning, next time?”

“Of course,” you promise. “Maybe we should split up for the rest of the day. Or at least I should go.”

None of them agree, but neither do they disagree.

“Before that, though. At least let me treat your lip, Rainbow,” you say, unzipping your bag and reaching in.

She touches the still bleeding split with a hoof, her face contorting into a grimace. “I don’t think you can really do anything about a busted lip. It’s just gotta heal on its own. It’s not the first one I’ve had, and it won’t be the last.”

“At least let me give you the option, Rainbow,” you plead. “So I can at least tell my conscience I tried.”

The pegasus sighs, but nods.

You pull the spray can of fleshknit out of your pack and show it to the three ponies. “This stuff seals, cleans, and heals small wounds without marks. It stings like crazy, but it’s a minute or two of pain versus days of aching.”

Twilight instantly perks up. “Oh! Is this how you got rid of the cut on your lip when we first met?”

You nod. “Yes. It’s useful stuff for any first aid kit.”

Rainbow eyeballs the can dubiously. “You sure this alien medicine isn’t going to make me melt or something?” She asks, waving a wing at it. “I’m not looking to be a puddle anytime soon. Just get your zapper out if you wanna tussle.”

“I swear. It’s just disinfectant and a mix that speeds up healing. This stuff was tested up and down for any kind of defects.”
”Well...” she turns her lip to you, “let’s go. Just don’t flip out and bust me again.” She rolls her eyes. “Colts be crazy...”

You are Rainbow Dash.

And you can’t focus on this Celestia-damned book.

You groan and bookmark your page before closing it, opting to roll over on your bed and stare at the white ceiling instead. Once Anon fixed your lip, he and Twi had left out the back door of Rarity’s place, taking the long way back to the library. That was a few hours ago.

You rub the spot where he hit you, feeling nothing there at all. “He really wasn't joking when he said it would be gone,” you speak to yourself.

Even after punching you, you still want to be his friend, no matter how much your pride rebels.

He listened to you with real interest, and didn’t blow you off or just pretend until it was obvious. He’s even easier to talk to about normal subjects since he didn’t get on your case about things stallions would.

And then he nearly dropped you.

There was no mistaking the kind of strength or speed behind that swing. It was all you could do to get out of the way, having no time to channel any mana in your body and all. If he had actually hit your jaw...

With a growl, you force the thought away.

You were about ready to trash him, stallion or not, until you saw the regret etched into his furless face. Even as an alien, it was plain as day. He really didn’t mean to hurt you.

You turn over and reopen your book, one of Twi’s recommendations, only to find yourself reading the same line over and over.

The book closes with a ‘snap!’ and you flop over again.

The same thought dominates your mind like it has for the last few hours, making your stomach tighten into an uncomfortable knot.

’What could scare somepony into not wanting to be touched?’

Author's Note

its shit
Bump is next look out for vamppite garbaage and point ous ,ostakes on this one

Chapter 5: Normal Paranormal, Part 1

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