Innocence and Instinct

by Inari

Rating: everyone
Tags: Tragedy, Dark, Sad
Length: 2884

A trip through the minds of the princesses as Nightmare Moon began to come to power

Everypony has their inner demons. There are things inside they're ashamed to admit, if they ever admit them at all, and sides of them they wish away with all their might. Perhaps the greatest enemy to the sanity binding the monsters within us is time, as it wears away on the threads holding us to reality…

Yes, when you live forever, you have quite some time to become mad..

This is a walk through the events of Nightmare Moon's first appearance a thousand years before the start of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, told through the eyes of the princesses and the nightmare themselves.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-07-15 12:50:46 UTC

Prologue: Confessions

~Celestia~

I can’t say I haven’t made mistakes.. In fact, I’d say that, in my thousands of years of life, I’ve made more mistakes than your average pony. But there is no mistake I regret more than not doing more to help Luna when she began to fall under the influence of Nightmare Moon. I could’ve done more, been there when she needed me, but the time for regret has passed long ago. Perhaps the blame isn’t all mine, but what matters to me is that I recognize where I went wrong and know now not to repeat it. I consider myself lucky in a sense that I truly have forever to live, so after a few million years, it might begin to feel like Luna was never gone at all. Maybe.

It’s not a big surprise when I think about it, though.. Time can wear away at the mind vehemently or gently, depending on where life takes you. It surprises me that Luna was the first to succumb, given that I’m older and had more responsibility on my shoulders, but even the most unlikely can have their own demons inside, the strength of which we may never know until they let their control slip.

Luna, if you ever read this, please know how deep my regret runs and know I am truly, deeply sorry. Please, sister, forgive me.

*Luna*

I can never truly forgive myself for the way I’ve wronged Equestria and, even worse, my sister. There was no real reason for acting the way I did, even if I wasn’t wholly aware of myself during a large portion of that time. I was the one who chose to let myself go. No matter what Celestia says, it really is my fault, but I’m coming away from this a stronger mare, a better princess, and a changed pony. That’s what life’s about, isn’t it? We all screw up, but it’s what you choose to do about it that defines you. You can let it tear you down with shame or you can learn from it and be built up into something new, somepony better. When they see me, they may see a monster, but I see a blank canvas that can be transformed into whatever I want it to be, and it’s my intention to create a masterpiece.

My subjects may never look at me the same--I doubt the tales of my horror will ever stop being passed from generation to generation, even if only as a caution against letting the monster inside loose--but I’ve come to accept that and move on. Even if I never moved the moon and another day never came, that would not stop the passing of time and the past isn’t something we can continue to live in. If we were intended to live in it, it wouldn’t have ever ended and faded into a memory, though some memories carry consequences.

-Nightmare Moon-

What, you think I have anything to confess in this sham of a story that you’re trying to enlighten the world with? No, unlike your precious monarchs, I have nothing to hide. There is no ulterior motive or secret behind me--everything you’ve seen is everything I am. As for what I truly am, that’s for you to decide. An evil spirit who possessed your Princess of the Night? A fragment of her mind that became an entity of its own?  A secret side of every alicorn that is only seen when they give in to their darkest innermost desires? Don’t look at me as if I have the answer. Even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you. I live to serve one purpose and that purpose is to reign as the rightful Queen of Equestria.

1: My Beginning and My End

~Celestia~

“Do you hear that?”

Luna’s gently inquiry, brimming with curiosity, startled me from my reverie. Flying was always a great time to just let my mind wander wherever I wanted and explore life’s great mysteries, a world of fantasy, whatever I wished. There was a certain serenity about being able to escape to my own thoughts so easily, but it wasn’t something I’d wish for regularly. There was too much to reality for me to send it all away on a whim.

However, the sound Luna reminded me of was something I actually had been trying to run from. I sighed and shook strands of my mane from my eyes. “Yes, sister, I hear it. He’s at it again, isn’t he?”

She gave me an uncharacteristically solemn nod as she spoke. “I’m afraid so.” She seemed more bothered by this than she usually did. The shrieks of the citizens of Equestria weren’t an uncommon sound when flying near the border--apparently their king had a fondness for the most startling, horrific, and sometimes harmful of pranks--and my heart was pained for them as well. I usually tried to block them from my mind, and it was rare when I could actually do it, so I was understandably frustrated when Luna broke my solitude and wound up worrying me over something I could do nothing about.

She didn’t share my feelings about this, apparently. Determination blazed in her eyes, eyes that seemed to bore into me and search my soul for the part of myself that wanted to fight by her side for the rights of the ponies of Equestria. “We have to save them,” she said, as more of an order than a statement.

“Luna,” I began, “it’s not that I don’t want to save them. I want to help them as much as you do, but we’re ponies just like them. If a whole nation can’t rise against one cruel ruler, what makes you think two ponies can? We’ll be killed or imprisoned for sure!”

“Don’t worry,” she tried to reassure me. “I have a plan. Or, at least the beginnings of one.”

Something in her voice gave me the feeling I wasn’t going to agree with her plan, whatever that may be, and I had an idea of what was on her mind. I opened my mouth to ask about it, but she gave me a mischievous grin that confirmed my worst suspicions. “No,” I told her firmly. “We can’t use those.”

The seriousness she’d held was dropped, replaced by her usual, more childish self. “Oh, come on, Celly!” she implored. “We’ve done it before and it never hurt anything!”

“Yes,” I replied, fixing her with a stern glare. “We have done it before--for dragons and droughts and manticores. We’ve never staged a national revolution for a country we don’t even live in, and we’ve never tried to take down what I’m pretty sure is the physical form of the spirit of chaos itself.”

“First time for everything,” Luna reasoned. When I didn’t waver, her gaze turned grim once more. “They’re ponies, just like us, and unlike them, we might actually have a solution to their problem. We’ve used the Elements of Harmony to help in other places we’ve never called our home, so why not here? We’ve helped with big problems before, and sure, they’re not as big as this one, but we’re saving the lives of this generation and generations to come. We’re not just removing a beast that would die on its own someday or ending a drought in a place where rain will eventually come. We’re stopping what could become eternal suffering.” Her eyes narrowed as she continued. “Unless, of course, you’re fine with seeing other creatures--ponies just like us, no less--suffer for the rest of their mortal lives just to entertain their leader?”

She looked so defiant, her bright blue eyes filled with a fire I’d never seen in her before and every stiff muscle of her body posing as a physical indicator that she was standing firm on her decision, no matter what. I hung my head, knowing I’d been defeated by both her determination and logic. This didn’t escape her notice, as I could practically feel the joy of her victory radiating from her as we flew, but she said nothing as we redirected our course back to Haven.

Haven was the home of the alicorns of old, though we were never many. For the longest time, it was just Luna, myself, and our parents, but after their passing, we gained a trio of new neighbors. We weren’t close, but as the only known members of our kind, we had a sort of bond that’s hard to explain. We protected each other, but being so different, we stayed reclusive from the rest of pony civilization until they needed us. It was better that we live our lives as normal creatures rather than be worshipped for the gods that we were not.

I followed Luna through the dense cloud forest, heart pounding with worry all the while. What if we couldn’t do this? We were such simple creatures compared to the complex monstrosity we were going to face. A physical entity of a natural force! Surely we were going to die.

Luna, seeming to sense my worry, looked over her shoulder and gave me a small smile that seemed to radiate both reassurance and defiance. That was all it took to remind me that, while we were surely going to perish, we were losing our lives for a worthy cause. If anything on this planet needed a savior, it was Equestria. Perhaps my sister and I could suffice if we tried hard enough.

She placed onto her neck the elements of Laughter, Kindness, and Loyalty. I quickly slipped into my own Magic, Honesty, and Generosity and looked to my sister to make sure she really was ready and wasn’t going to be backing out.

The sheer confidence radiating from her was the only answer I needed.

2: Ordinary World

~Celestia~

My body felt heavy, but from stress or the thick jeweled golden bands around my neck, I wasn’t sure which. Luna, headstrong as always, flew in front of me and kept her gaze locked on Equestria as it appeared over the horizon. I had convinced her to attempt a diplomatic approach to Discord before we attacked, and while she had been reluctant at first, she agreed in the end. The looming mountains instilled in me a sense of dread, but if there was any motivation, it was the ponies below us, staring up in awe. They looked so frightened and in need of hope. My heart ached for them as I flew a little faster, eager to give these poor souls the lives they deserved.

As we neared the fortress-like castle, things made less and less sense… The clouds were sweet and sugary, sticking to Luna and I if we hit one. Trees and chunks of the ground were suspended in midair, and ponies were behaving quite unlike themselves, instead behaving as wild animals. Riots and fires littered the streets and I forced myself to look away as tears welled up in my eyes. There was no reason for ponies to behave so hostilely, not when there was a gentle solution to every problem.

Luna’s hooves made a soft click as they connected with the stone of the castle’s balcony, quickly followed by my own. She looked at me, silently questioning if it would be best to go ahead and enter, and I gave her a solemn nod. She steeled herself, setting her eyes firmly ahead, and we walked inside, carefully observing our surroundings.

I don’t know what exactly we were expecting, but it certainly wasn’t what we saw. Walls and floor tiles disintegrated at random, which would have left Luna and I hurtling into who knows where if not for our wings. Colors and illusions of objects slid all over the surfaces around us, creating quite a bit of confusion at first. The guardsponies were dulled and grayed rather than displaying the vibrant and pastel colors of most ponies, and they didn’t seem to care much for our trespassing. We tried to avoid them, just in case, but when we faltered, nothing was said or done. It was as if these ponies had forgotten how to care.

I think it was the guards that had us the most curious. Powers that defied space, time, and general logic seemed conceivable, but changing a pony’s heart or mind? How was that possible?

After a long while of making our way through the castle’s chaotic maze, it finally seemed that we were approaching our destination. The chaos was more violent and left much less untouched. Luna and I began flying the entire last stretch, since it seemed more than just a little rare that tiles were staying beneath our hooves. Walls fell away with the beating of our wings, leaving us in a blank, open space that appeared to have no color at all. At last, solid ground appeared before us, serving as the terrain on which to place his throne.

I don’t know what I was expecting when I saw Discord, but it certainly wasn’t what I saw. His body didn’t even look like any known creature--just a jumbled-up mess of a whole host of animals. He wore a smug grin as we approached, making me wonder what he could be up to.

Luna seemed scared now that we were in his presence, so I took a deep breath and faced him. “Greetings,” I began, watching him carefully. “My sister and I have come to ask you to step down from Equestria’s throne.”

He feigned surprise. “Oh, my heavens! It’s Luna and Celestia. And here I thought you were never going to show up for our game.”

Luna eyed him suspiciously, her fear seeming to ebb away. “Game?” she inquired. “And how do you know our names?”

“My dears,” he chuckled, “I know much more about you than you’d think. I make it a point to get to know any force that seems willing to dethrone me. It’s a pity you never stood a chance, really.”

Luna opened her mouth to speak, but had no time to say anything before Discord placed a talon to her forehead, graying her and sending her into a trancelike state.

I was immediately frightened, trotting closer to my sister’s side. “Luna?” I asked. “Luna, can you hear me?”

She shook herself and gave me a glare of contempt. “Of course I am. I’m not as dumb as you think.”

I was absolutely shocked. Those weren’t words Luna would say! This couldn’t be happening, could it? Discord began laughing, and I turned to fix him with a hateful stare.

“Stop laughing at me!” Luna shouted, glancing at Discord and myself. “I don’t have to deal with either of you!” She took off, flying back the way we came, and I followed without hesitation. The closer I came, the faster she flew and the more distance she put between us.  It seemed like it would be impossible to catch up to her. Unless…

I cast a quick teleportation spell when I saw her flying over solid tiles that wouldn’t leave us falling. I appeared in front of her and quickly pinned her down to the castle floors.

She struggled, refusing to look me in the eye. “Let me go, Celestia! You’re just going to hurt me, just like always.”

I gathered my magic, hoping this spell would work.

“You never cared about me, only making yourself look good!”

I lowered my horn, preparing to place it on her forehead.

“You never even loved me, did you?”

The spell made contact with her mind and I sent her a flood of memories. We were watching the sunset with Mom and Dad. We were flying over a kingdom of Diamond Dogs, vowing to protect them from the manticore terrorizing them. We were fillies, laughing and playing under the sun. We were young adults, taking care of each other and still spending time together.

I pulled away and her eyes brimmed with tears. “I’m so sorry, Tia. I-I promise I’ll never doubt you again.”

I stepped off her and helped her to her feet. “You aren’t the one who deserves blame, sister. I think we have a king to overthrow.”

She smiled at me, murmuring a soft “Thank you,” before we took flight. The passage seemed to have grown shorter while we were dealing with Luna’s discorded state, but our foe remained in his throne at the end all the same.

“Well well well,” Discord chuckled. “Look who’s back.”

“Stop it with the games, Discord,” I shouted, angry for what he’d done to my sister. “You know what we’re here for, and we’re ready to take it by force!”

“Go ahead. It’s not like you can do anything,” he taunted. “Try your best.”

Luna and I let loose with our elements, energy surging through our veins and pumping through our bodies. Strong beams, each of only a single color, flew from the neckpieces we wore and together formed a rainbow. Discord seemed to be goofing around in the light, though it was slowly working its effects.

A rainbow arched over all of Equestria, splitting in two and covering the kingdom in a dome of light. And as it fell away, a king of stone tumbled toward the ground.

“We did it,” Luna panted.