Don't Worry, I'm Smart

by Dakota of Raptors

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Tragedy, Adventure, Human
Length: 2369

Two dinosaur-loving bros put their knowledge to use. Not only to protect Equestria, but also the passion they hold dear...

"Conor, why am I a donkey with wings? And why is it that we must risk our lives to protect some town I have no memory of occupying?" Conor sighed. "We're not doing it for 'them'. We must show the people that dinosaurs are animals, too…"

Note that violence is present in this title, albiet infrequent and mild at most, it is still something to keep in mind.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2017-05-17 01:01:28 UTC

Introductions

Princess Celestia sat elegantly in her throne, her regal posture making even the most hardy of individuals bow involuntarily. Though, on the outside, her mild-mannered complexion remained, fear, and irritation began welling up inside of her. Her eyes strode across a thin sheet of paper, having read it for the third time.

Dear, Princess Celestia

Spike here! And, uh, sorry for the abrupt letter, I assume you're enjoying the cake we sent you BTW(by the way), but we have a bit of a concern...monster attacks have been increasing over the last few months, and everypony's theorizing it has something to do with a couple of ponies we've found knocked out in the middle of town. You know, during the wedding. I don't know if it's true, but I'm a bit skeptical...they seem friendly enough, and they are really fond of archaeology. They've also been particularly excited when the girls discovered a set of large bird-like footprints, along with some feathers. They are currently being studied by Twilight, so I'm not sure. Anyway, those two weird guys told me about a species that sound strangely similar to dragons, but are apparently not. Which brings me to my question: What's a die-no-sor?-Spike

Celestia sighed, and glanced towards a large window allowing perfect view of the city below-Canterlot. Among that was the Everfree, it's eerie atmosphere made even more visceral by the setting sun over the horizon. An hour till my shift, Celestia thought, as she levitated a slice of cake towards her pristine face. "Whoever these 'new ponies' are, I have to pay them a vistit. Oh, that is good!" Munch!

The sun peered over the horizon, and signaled the start of another day. Ponies of various colors exited their house, and continued towards their mission, either it be candy-making, care taking, or simply talking to one's friends. The town of Ponyville began bustling in activity, as everypony happily continued on their way. Well, most ponies...

"Goddamnit...would you turn off that cursed light!?" Came a voice emanating from a heap of bedsheets and pillows. His yelling suppressed by the mountain of blankets before him.

"You mean the sun? Yeah, you'll have to wait for another billion years or so," replied the groggy blue pegasus, his golden locks of hair, added with his morning drowsiness, hampering his vision. He sprung up from his bed and darted towards the hallway, towards the bathroom, covering his eyes from Celestia's sun as it peered through the blinds. "And besides," he continued. "We have to maintain our curfew, Conor."

Next to jump out of bed was Conor, nagging at his roommate the way a married couple would. "And I told you not to call me that anymore. In Equestria, I am Paleolith, and I shall be addressed as such! Golddigger? I know you hear me!" He yelled as he banged furiously on the bathroom door with his cream colored hoof.

"Yeah, and would you keep it down, mate? I'm trying to piss," Goldigger exclaimed with a muffled voice, as his roomy groaned in exasperation, running a hoof along his slick, brown hair.

"You're a pain in the ass, you know that," he said.

"Yeah," came his reply.

Paleolith sighed in defeat, and made his way down a set of stairs entering the kitchen, before calling out. "Yo, Golddigger, what would you like for breakfast?"

Golddigger peeked his head out from atop the stairs and answered, "Pancakes!"

The two ate in silence, glaring at each other from opposite ends of the round table as they slowly ate their food. "So," said Paleolith with a napkin levitating towards his mouth, "We're headed towards the Everfree forest today. So as soon as you finish your breakfast, we head out."

Upon hearing this, Golddigger began clutching his golden-tipped wings in freight, his eyes widened more than he thought possible. "A-are you sure? I mean you heard the rumors about ponies disapearing from there, and y-you know...I don't want to disturb Fluttershy..."

Paleolith's hazel eyes stared directly in the pegasus' direction, a look of confusion forming on his face, then a snicker of disapproval. "Tsk, tsk, and here I thought the two of us were educated adults...next thing I know, my bestfriend is afraid of some stupid rumors from a kid's show." He got up and grabbed both of their plates with slight force, and began washing them. He also noted Golddigger's barely audible words a few moments ago, which was very strange for the usually spunky stallion, but he decided not press it any further, and continued washing the dishes.

Golddigger opened the door and headed outside, waiting for his 'friend' to gather the necessary supplies; apples, water, a stick just for the heck of it, etcetera. He sat on his hind quarters, and impatiently tapped his hoof against the dirt path, staring at passersby. Nothing seemed to change, he noticed a couple of ponies he met during his stay in Ponyville-three sisters with the love for agriculture, a hulking white behemoth with disproportionate wings and a face that said "Look, I'm a beautiful butterfly!", a brilliant doctor and his bubbly grey companion, and Pinkie Pie...he resorted to suppressing the memory. He's seen her plenty of times, mostly because she worked at a bakery that occupied itself in front of their humble abode, so he opted to never visit the bakery, despite many temptations.

"Hey, Golddigger!" He turned his head in the direction of the voice, and looked ever so slightly down, revealing a petite baby dragon in his field of view.

"Oh, hey Spike." Golddigger returned the gesture and offered his hoof, which the purple reptile happily took.

"So, what's up? You seem pretty down, even more so than Twilight when she reads a romance novel. Tell me." He sat down next to him, and looked up at his magenta eyes for confirmation.

He smiled slightly, and ruffled Spike's head. "You're a good kid, Spike. It's nothing, just have to work."

"You're searching for those die-no-sors again?" He asked, and Golddigger nodded his head. "Well, I'll join you guys! It could be fun! Besides, I think I've grown too soft from hanging around the girls..." He said, and Golddigger laughed, ruffleing his head again.

The door opened behind them, and standing in it was Paleolith, an insane grin plastered on his face. Using his horn to magically attach a backpack with various instruments on Golddigger's back, the sudden weight making him collapse. "Oh, what a lovely surprise! You came too, Spike? Luckily I have a spare!"

"No, no, It's ok-oomph!" A backpack hurled towards his face at breakneck speed, and toppled the dragon over. Already use to maintaining physical injury, he shrugged it off.

"Let's go, boys," Paleolith paused for dramatic effect. "Let's get primal!"

Science

The three walked in order on a dirt road that strayed from Ponyville. The silhouette of ponies growing smaller each step they took. Spike was admiring the various butterflies that flew about, Golddigger scrunched his face up in a pout, and Paleolith still looked bat-crap insane, as his face froze into a painfully large grin and his eyes never moved off of the road. Though the Everfree was a short trot away, to the blue pegasus, seconds turned to minutes, and minutes turned to hours. He glanced at the mass of twisted trees, and his anxiety grew. Not necessarily due to the forest itself-he didn't give a crap about that, but cause of the pony who made their home near its entrance. Not too far off of the distance, stood a cottage, it had the necessities every home required; a door to walk through, some windows, and a roof over your head. But there was something peculiar about it-it was built into the ground! He turned his head away from the cottage, and blushed slightly, hoping the guys wouldn't see his flustered look.

"We're here!" Paleolith exclaimed, as he threw his supplies on top of Spike, and ran towards the Everfree as if he were a foal at a candy store.

"Is he always like this?" Spike asked as he nonchalantly lifted the bag and set it down beside him.

"No," said Goldigger matter-of-factly, "Only when fossils are involved."  Spike rolled his eyes and stared at the crazed unicorn, as he was caressing some giant footprints etched into the earth.

In his field of view, it almost seemed as if he had an attraction towards it, and Spike giggled.

"You know," Spike began, "He reminds me of Twilight in a way. She tends to be level-headed, is a bearer of magic, and is obsessive over books! She's smart, but she needs her friends to keep her in check."

Golddigger agreed, and nodded intently. Looking at him now, it was kind of a pitiful sight, watching a grown man-turned-pony gawking at tracks as if he saw a horse with wings. Luckily, the field was void of anybody else. "Hey, Pale! Let me help you out!"

"Hmm...interesting." Lab work was a chore, but it was fun and offered new discoveries. That's what Twilight loved about science; it never seizes to amaze, and there are plenty of new things to learn! "What ever this belongs to, it seems to hold an evolutionary gap between bird and reptile...but how?" A gray feather, laying motionless in a beaker was enveloped in lavender before being shifted towards her face. "What are you..."

Her crystal door, without warning, burst open with immense power. Standing in the doorway was Applejack, sweat poured over face, and her tongue stuck out in a weak attempt to cool herself off. "Twi!"

Her voice carried urgency. Applejack-the most mild mannered, and level-headed of the group, was standing in her door way, about to collapse from fatigue. "Some'in happened..." she huffed and puffed.

"What happened?" Twilight asked, a look of concern for her friend.

"Rainbow..."

Twilight, Rarity, and Applejack galloped towards the Ponyville hospital. The clear sky turned gloomy, ponies shared looks of confusion as the elements' hurried towards their intended destination, and the pitter-patter of rain droplets fell from above. This was a bad omen. "I don't get it, AJ. We faced Manticores, Changelings, Discord, and King Sombra, so what could've inflicted these gashes on Rainbow?"

Applejack shrugged soberly. "I don't know, Twi, I tried to ask her, but she was too weak to talk." They entered the hospital with water droplets clinging to their fur. It was even worse for Rarity, whom was practically walking cotton candy at that point. The staff and patients greeted them warmly as they offered blankets, hot coco, to which they declined. "Pardon me, Nurse Redheart, but do you have any knowledge on Rainbow's whereabouts?" Rarity asked.

She nodded in return and pointed towards her right, towards a hall stock full of rooms. "It's room 02," she said.

They made their way towards Dash's room, which was conviently located towards the waiting room.

Exiting the room was a doctor. He looked professional, with a graying mane, a trimmed beard, and eyes that reaked of knowledge. He pardoned himself and headed towards the breakroom. "She's awake. Just make sure  to be extra careful. She's still recuperating!" The doctor warned them.

Twilight glanced at Applejack and asked. "How bad is it?"

Applejack looked at the two neverously, and bit her lip, before succumbing to their stares, and sighing. "Look for yourself..." She opened the door to reveal a battered-up Rainbow. Her left eye was bandaged completely, and reached the tip of her ear. Gauze wrapped around her torso in large intervals, in an attempt to lessen the bleeding, which was evident by the dry blood that stuck to her chest and stomach. And worst off were her wings, twisted unnaturally in disturbing and grotesque ways. The molted feathers that were once attached to her wings lay scattered about the bed, some even carrying blood and muscle tissue along the base of them. The scene was indeed brutal, and Rarity fainted at the very sight, but one thing that reassured the girls-at least a bit, was that Rainbow Dash was happily eating a slice of chocolate cake, which read 'Get well soon!' in gumdropts, while conversing with Fluttershy. "And so I said 'Gotta go fast!' and-oh, hey guys!" Rainbow Dash waved in a good-natured fashion, "What brings you here?"

"Well, darling, we were concerned, to say the least, and we assumed you needed your friends to comfort you!" Rarity placed a blue bow on the plasmaphereis machine, and nodded in satisfaction.

"But anyway, could you tell us about what attacked you, and where? Applejack was very vague..."

The cow-pony blushed and hid behind her stetson in embarrassment.

She rubbed the back of her multi-colored hair in thought, a set her cake down beside her. "Let's see, I remember flying over the Everfree, searching for clues on these monsters like you asked, and then I saw Spike hanging around those two weird guys from the month before. I got suspicious, so I hid in the forest. Nothing bad happened, other than the fact that those two weirdos were clopping to some teeth and tracks, so I decided to take my leave as they left. Next thing you know, this thing, whatever it was jumps on me while I get ready to head off! I lose my concentration and I fall in the orchard at Sweet Apple Acres. The thing was about to eat me, until AJ-thanks by the way-happened to be nearby and scared the thing before it could a meal of me!" She held her hooves in the air despite the excess pain it caused her, and set herself back down. "Sadly I didn't get a good look at it, but it certainly was what we were looking for...whatever it was."

Twilight wrote down the necessary information in a notepad, and nodded to herself. "Thank you. Now, I'll take my leave and look into this. Are you sure you're ok?"

"Yeah, don't worry, Twi. We've been through worse, right?"

The purple alicorn nodded solemnly, and made her way through the exit. "Whatever this thing is, it is not here to make friends," Twilight mentally noted. "In the name of my friend, I shall bring you to justice! Whatever you are..."