Learn to Fly

White Tail Woods was a spur off of the Everfree; a twelve kilometer long triangle, one kilometer wide at the base, known for its natural beauty and its lack of monsters. Why the more dangerous animals from the Everfree didn’t tend to come into it was something Posey had not been able to explain to Fluttershy. She said it was a ‘mystery’, which Fluttershy suspected was what religious ponies said when they didn’t want to admit they didn’t know something.

Rainbow Dash and Tree Hugger hadn’t followed her. That meant both of them hated her now, since either one could have easily caught up with her if they’d wanted to. Fluttershy had come to the woods so that if they changed their minds, the leaf cover would help her stay hidden so that she could flagellate herself in peace.

Metaphorically, of course. She found a little pool to think at — just a rocky spot a small stream had filled up. It was still, and reflected her face and the sky and leaves above here, except where water bugs disturbed the surface. There was a large patch of briars to one side, if Fluttershy wanted to literally self flagellate, but as much as she felt she deserved physical pain, it might distract her from her emotional pain. Which was much worse, but only what she deserved.

She looked at herself in the water. Whore. Slut. Skank. Cheater. These would be words ponies would use when they’d talk about her. Well, ‘Emotionally unfaithful’ at least. She hadn’t made any explicit promises to Tree Hugger. But what they’d said with their bodies had been very explicit!

“We didn’t make any promises. It’s not our fault she got attached.” said Fluttershy’s reflection.

Fluttershy shrieked, and jumped back from the edge of the pool.

“Oh, come back here. You can’t possibly be afraid of yourself can you?”

Fluttershy crept back to the edge of the pool. Her reflection’s eyes were narrowed with cunning thought, and she was smiling. Fluttershy’s real expression was nothing like that. Magic! That might be what kept the monsters out.

“But it is! It is! I… I… well, I’m staying at her home. I owe her something.” Was staying at her home. She was homeless now.

Other Fluttershy snorted. “Sex can’t be bought with goods, services or money, sweetie. At best, you can purchase consent. Willing sex is always a sacrament.”

Fluttershy blinked. Tree Hugger had told her sex was a sacrament, too. “But that’s an Old Ways belief. We don’t follow the Old Ways.”

Other Fluttershy grinned. “Maybe the Old Ways are following us.”

Fluttershy glanced behind herself, wings spread in panic. Oh. Right. She meant metaphorically.

Other Fluttershy wen on. “I seem to recall us doing farm work for her. And some very valuable pest control services worth far more than what you were paid.”

“I just wanted to help.”

“Mmm-hmm.” said Other Fluttershy. “I liked the way you fed those beetles to that family of robins. That was one of the kindest and cruelest acts I’ve ever seen.” She tapped her hooves together and grinned over the apex.

“The robins were hungry,” said Fluttershy. She lay her head down on the shore. “No. You’re right. It was cruel to the poor beetles. They were just following their nature. I’m evil. Totallya and irredeemably evil.”

Her reflection snorted. “No you’re not. I’m Evil Fluttershy. If you were totally evil, then there’d be nopony for me to talk to.”

Fluttershy blinked. “Well, you are evil.”

“But you’re good. Overall. You know, mostly, anyway.”

“Thanks, I guess.”

“I love myself,” said Other Fluttershy. “I’d hate it if you got all guilty and did something unfortunate to us.”

Fluttershy wanted to talk to her evil self more, but it had started to rain, rippling her reflection until it was unrecognizable. Fluttershy looked around. It looked dry under those briar bushes. It would be scratchy, there, but it was better than she deserved. Her evil self would just have to suck it up. She wriggled out a sort of comfortable and mostly dry spot, and fell asleep thinking about what a mess she’d gotten herself into.

✭☆✭☆✭☆✭

Fluttershy was awakened by something small and wet but very hard thumping her in the nose repeatedly. Rain was thudding down outside, and she realized she was soaked to the skin; apparently briar bushes could only take so much rain. She opened her eyes to see a tiny, soaking wet, white rabbit kitten glaring at her.

“Oh. Hi, Angel,” she said, sleepily.

He thumped his foot.

“I’m sleeping under a briar bush in the rain because… I had a fight with my friends.”

Angel glowered.

“It does so make sense,” said Fluttershy. And yet she found herself backing away sheepishly from the little rabbit. Briars dug into her back and wings.

He rolled his eyes, hopped out into the rain, and looked back at her. He told her there was a part of the warren she’d fit in — an old badger cave over a kilometer from Posey’s cottage, if she wanted to be alone.

Fluttershy hadn’t realized the warren was that big. Even depressed and full of self loathing, she had to see this. She followed Angel through the downpour. He was a yard away, but the rain was so heavy he was nothing but a white blur. Her mane kept falling in her eyes. He knee hurt. After what felt like an hour of soggy, muddy marching, Angel vanished. Fluttershy darted forward in a panic, and ran into the side of a two-meter cliff. There was an opening just big enough for her to wiggle through. The inside was cozy — the dirt was hard packed and smelled nice, and the floor was sloped so that any rain that got in the cave rolled right out again. She wriggled around so that she was facing outside (bunnies might not mind bumping around in the dark, but ponies did), and Angel squirmed in between her front legs. It quickly grew warm in the tight space, and their fur began to dry. Fluttershy was never sure if she fell asleep again not, at this point. Her breathing and Angel’s breathing blended together, and after a while the cave seemed to be breathing as well. She felt her sense of herself as Fluttershy the pegasus pony from Cloudsdale fall away. She was her own body, but she was also Angel. She was also the cave. She was the rain. But there was something else in the rain. There was something else in the cave. There was something else in Angel. And there was something else in her. A huge, emerald green eye, watching her through all these things. It seemed like the sort of thing she ought to frighten her but instead, Fluttershy felt a feeling of love stronger than anything she’d ever felt rise in her belly.

“Equus?,” she said, “Is that you?”

A pink snout poked in through the opening of the cave. “No. It’s Pinkie Pie. Is that you, Fluttershy?”

“Yes. How did you find me her?” Angel was snoring in her forelegs. Both of their coats were totally dry. The rain seemed to have stopped. How long had she been out?

“Itchy left gaskin,” said Pinkie, as if that explained anything. She pushed her head inside the cave, and her mane floofed out inside, blocking most of the light. “What was that about Equus. Did you have a vision?”

“I didn’t see anything. I think I was just dreaming.”

Pinkie whistled. “Oh, a dream! That’s even better! My parents would be going nuts right now. But… you know, they were converts, and I just grew up with the whole religion thing. I so they think it’s really exciting. But I always just believed it, and I still do, but it’s like trying to get excited about gravity. It’s just there, you know?”

“Okay. I don’t believe Equus is alive, though. That’s crazy,” said Fluttershy, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.’’

“It totally is!” said Pinkie.

“Right. Um. I don’t mean to be rude. But could you let me out? This cave was cozy when I got in, but right now I’m feeling really cramped and kind of claustrophobic. If it wouldn’t be too much trouble?”

“Sorry!” Pinkie backed out of the hole.

Angel climbed up onto Fluttershy’s back, and she followed Pinkie. She squinted in the last rays of sunset. Nopony else seemed to be around. Especially nopony blue and sexy and infuriating. She took a deep breath. Now was the time. It was scary to ask. It was also prying, and rude, and evil. “You know something about Rainbow Dash.”

Pinkie narrowed her eyes. “I know a thing or two. Why do you ask?”

“You know I have… I have feelings for her.” said Fluttershy, looking away and blushing.

“The whole town knows, as of this afternoon,” said Pinkie. Fluttershy winced.

“So why is she being such a poopy head about it? Does she not like me? Because… she doesn’t act like she doesn’t like me. She acts like she likes me and doesn’t want to like me.”

Pinkie took a deep breath, covered her mouth with her hooves. “Oh. My Gosh. Do you know about Gilda?”