Cell Vs The Rainbooms #CellGames

by Dawn Flower

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Equestria Girls, Crossover, Main 7 (EqG), Twilight Sparkle (EqG), Dazzlings, Alternate Universe, Other
Length: 13062

In the days leading up to the Cell Games, Cell faces off against his latest challenger(s).

In the days leading up to the Cell Games, Cell faces off against his latest challenger(s). DBZA-verse.

The following is a non-profit fan-based parody.

Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, Dragon Ball GT, and Dragon Ball Super are all owned by Funimation, Toei Animation, Shueisha, and Akira Toriyama.

My Little Pony, and My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic are owned by Hasbro, Studio B, Bonnie Zachary, and developed for television by Lauren Faust.

Please support the official release.

Featured on 08/05/2017

Published 2017-05-07 13:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-05-06 16:47:04 UTC

Cell vs. The Rainbooms

A new day dawns, with the sun rising over the perfectly square, fine marble white, twenty four by twenty four tile arena for the Cell Games, presented by Hetap. Standing perfect centre in the middle of the arena was the big green host of the eponymous games, sleeping on his feet, with his arms crossed. As soon as the light from the rising sun hit his face, his eyes opened and he smiled.

“Well, here we are.” Cell began. “Another day gone and another day closer to the Cell Games… presented by Hetap,” he quickly added. “Hmm, I wonder, who will be the unwanted interruption today?”

“Hey, there he is!” Someone called out from behind him.

“Ah, right on schedule,” Cell said, turning his head around to see who it was. Behind him, standing at the edge of the arena were six teenage girls, all of them with different colour skin tones, ranging from yellow to pink. Cell simply stared at his new challengers for a moment with a straight face. “Meh, not the strangest challengers I’ve had yet,” he said to himself before then turning around completely. “So then, who do I have the pleasure of facing today… before the games have actually started I might add?!” He then yelled at them.

“Cell,” the orange skinned girl with the bacon coloured hair began, stepping forward, coming to a stop just ten feet from the green android bug monster. “My name is Sunset Shimmer and we are the Rainbooms. We saw your announcement and we’re not going to allow you to continue to your reign of terror.” Sunset spoke resolutely, but Cell simply grinned smugly in response as she did so. “So, are you another creature from Equestria?”

“I come from a lot of places, but that’s not one of them,” Cell responded casually.

Sunset made a face for a moment, but continued speaking. “Well, either way, we can’t allow you to wreak havoc on this world. We’re not going to let you continue your fiendish ways, so we’re here to defeat you and save the world from your tyranny.”

“And get a life-time supply of Hetap.” The rainbow haired girl behind her chimed in.

“Y-yes, that too,” Sunset added in, a bit awkwardly.

“I see,” Cell began. “You know, after hearing so many of these heroic-type speeches, they really start to blend together.” He then placed his hands on his hips and looked off to the side a bit. “Maybe I should start keeping a list of how many times I’ve heard certain lines. I don’t know, just feels natural.”

“You are powerless, Cell,” Sunset exclaimed.

“No, I’m the opposite of that,” he countered.

“We’re not going to let you continue your fiendish ways.”

“You already said that, but continue.”

“With the power of our friendship, we will defeat you right here and now.” Sunset spoke strongly.

“Power of friendship?” Cell said sarcastically. “Oh great, you’re one of those kind of heroes. And just how exactly are you going to use said ‘Power of Friendship’ to defeat me? Channel it into a Spirit Sword? Energy cannon? You gonna impale me with your friendship, but not have any blood so that you can keep it PG?

“Our magic manifests when we play our music and we show our true selves,” Sunset answered him.

“Magical musical instruments, huh? Again, not the weirdest thing I’ve seen lately,” he said, his eyes looking off to the side just a little as he spoke.

“With them we’ll beat you and make you see the error of ways and change for the better.”

“Oh, so you’re gonna brainwash me into being whatever you want me to be?” now looking at them full on again. “That’s pretty dark when you think about it.”

“Wh-what?” Sunset stuttered. “N-no, that’s not what we…”

“Also, this tournament is supposed to be one-on-one, but I suppose I can allow group matches.” Cell cut her off.

Sunset was about to retort, but instead she simply sighed. “Alright then, let’s do it, girls!” She called out. With that, the seven girls present each pulled out there musical instruments and started playing.

“Wait, where did those instruments come from?” Cell asked, genuinely curious, but as soon as they started playing, they started glowing. They then started rising into the air, their hair started growing longer at the end, almost resembling tails, and they sprouted pony ears. All the while, their energy continued to build up.

“Magical girls!” Cell suddenly shouted out. “That’s what they remind me o…”

The girls then shot a huge rainbow coloured energy blast down at Cell before he could finish speaking, engulfing the entire arena in an impossibly bright white light. After the blast was fired, the seven girls were lowered back down to the ground again, their glowing auras and extra features disappearing as they were. Looking over at where the green android had been standing a moment ago, now there was only a large scorch mark.

“Yes, we got him.” Rainbow shouted out in triumph, pumping her fist in the air.

“Not quite.”

“W-what?” Rainbow stuttered. Looking off to the side, she saw Cell standing there, completely unfazed.

“Hey, there.”

“How did you do that?” Rainbow blurted out.

“Simple, I dodged.” Cell answered… simply.

“You… dodged?” Rainbow stuttered.

“Yes, I dodged.” Cell clarified. “As in, I moved out of the way of your attack so that it wouldn’t hit me. Seriously, I know Gohan struggles with it, but it’s really not that difficult a concept to grasp.”

“You can’t do that.” Rainbow argued.

“Yeah, actually I can,” Cell countered, with a smug smile on his face as he did so. “What, did your entire plan hinge on me just standing here and letting you beat me?”

“N-no.” Rainbow stuttered nervously.

“Sure thing, Pride Parade. But seeing as how this is a tournament, it’s only right that I make this fair. So, since I’m allowed to dodge your attacks, you’re allowed to dodge my attacks, okay?”

“Well, okay, I guess,” Rainbow started, scratching at the back of her head awkwardly. “But I…” However she was cut off as Cell suddenly appeared in front of her in the blink of an eye and sent her flying with a single punch.

The other five girls stood there with their mouths agape.

“What? I said that you could dodge. I didn’t say I wouldn’t try to hit you.”

“How dare you?” The yellow skinned, pink haired girl uttered in an eerily quiet tone of voice, while clenching her shaking fists and looking down at the ground in front of her.

“How dare I?” Cell asked back, turning towards her.

“How. Dare. You!” She suddenly yelled out.

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

“W-what?” Cell uttered, stupefied. “I… I don’t understand. What is she doing? What’s going on right now?

“She’s using the stare on you.” the pink girl clarified.

“She’s staring at me?”

“No, she’s using the stare on you,” Pinkie clarified again… harder.

While this dialogue was going on, the other girl continued simply staring at Cell, apparently expecting that alone to somehow be effective against him.

“Okay, this is just starting to get weird.” Again, in the blink of an eye, Cell was right in front of Fluttershy, and with a single punch, sent her flying over the horizon, in the opposite direction to Rainbow Dash. “Okay then,” he continued, now in a chipper mood once again. “Two down, four more to go. Geez, at this rate you should just start calling me ‘One Punch Cell’. No, no, wait: Mister Perfect One Punch Cell. Yeah, that’s it.”

While the Rainbooms were once again left speechless at how easily this guy had defeated another of their group, Pinkie was the one to speak up. “You really shouldn’t have done that.”

“Oh, and why not?” Cell asked, turning his head towards her.

Suddenly, the ground beneath them started shaking, which actually seemed to catch Cell off guard. Looking over, he saw a big dust cloud in the distance, being caused by an enormous stampede. Looking closely at what was causing it, he saw that it seemed to be comprised of mostly adult males, screaming things like, “You hurt Fluttershy!”

Seeing them coming, Cell simply wore a carefree smile on his face. “Oh no, whatever shall I do about this?” He spoke in an obviously sarcastic tone. “Oh, wait.” Raising his right hand, with just his index finger extended, he quickly whipped it to the side. The next moment, the stampeding horde was replaced by a big explosion, leaving no trace of anyone involved. “That. I can do that.” He said with a sadistic smile.

After witnessing how easily this guy dealt with two of their friends and a huge crowd of rampaging Bronies, Applejack leaned in closer to Sunset, tugging at her shirt to get her attention. “So, uhhh… strategic withdrawal for now? She said with a nervous smile on her face.

“Uh… yeah. That’s probably a good idea for now,” she stammered out. “A-after all, our magic only works when we’re all together, so we should at least go and pick up Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy.” She said hastily, trying to rationalise her decision. The four remaining Rainbooms then began backing away, making their way off the stage.

“Yeah, I think it’s probably best if we just do the smart thing and wait for Goku.” Pinkie chimed in as they were leaving.

“Finally, someone smart enough to do the obvious thing.” Cell said to himself as they were leaving. He was now once again all by himself in his arena. “Still though, these challengers just keep getting weirder. What’s next? Another me?” That thought caused him to laugh out loud. “Haha, yeah right, like that’ll work.”

Author's Note

If you happened to enjoy this little story and would like to read more, follow this link to another Cell vs match I made on my Fanfiction.net account. Enjoy.

Cell vs. Sci-Twi

As usual, Cell stood in the exact centre of his ring, with his arms crossed and his eyes closed, waiting for time to pass until the Cell Games (Presented by Hetap) were here.

“Alright, now if I stick to the Round Robin format that I said I would use in my announcement, I get my fight with Goku right off the bat, and then afterwards, I can have one or two more decent fights before I blow up the planet. But if I make the tournament a Battle Royale, even more people can compete; and you know what they say: the more the merrier.

“Oooohhh, maybe I could even add prize money to attract more ordinary fighters, and then watch them try to futilely fight Goku and his friends to try and win; that would be hilarious.” He thought, with a maverick smile on his face.

“Of course I’ll need a bigger ring…”

Suddenly his inner monologue was cut off when he sensed a presence approaching him from behind. Turning around, he saw a teenage girl, with purple skin, and pink and purple striped hair, wearing a white lab coat and a pair of glasses.

Seeing her approach, Cell then turned around fully to face her. “So, another teenage girl comes all the way out here just to get a glimpse of Mr. Perfect.” He said, with a smug expression on his face. “What, am I currently the hottest trending topic on – I don’t know, what are teenage girls all about today? Like, this day in particular?”

The girl didn’t respond to what he said and merely looked down at a small monitor in her hand.

“What’s the matter, run out of quips? Cat got your tongue? No more words to fail?” Cell asked her. “Why does that sound familiar?” He suddenly wondered to himself.

“Perfect Cell,” the girl finally spoke up. “Created by Dr. Gero of the now-defunct Red Ribbon Army, from the cells of the greatest fighters on Earth and aliens from beyond, for the express purpose of murdering Son Goku, in revenge for the murder of his son.” She recited off casually.

Cell suddenly looked surprised. “Wait, how did you…”

“I’m a scientist.”

“Of course.” Cell deadpanned.

Once they had gotten passed the awkward first impressions, the girl took a step forward. “My name is Twilight Sparkle, and I’m going to stop you.” She stated calmly, looking confident with herself.

“Oh, really?” Cell smiled. “You’re going to stop me? And exactly what genius method do you have planned to put a stop to the mighty Ce…”

Before Cell finished speaking, however, Twilight pressed a button on her monitor, and a small beam shot out of the top, creating a light across Cell’s body, almost like it was scanning him, before quickly vanishing. “That,” Twilight stated simply.

“Scanning me?” Cell wondered, with a slight chuckle in his voice. “Well, I have to give you credit, you are the first person to try that particular method. You hoping to try and find some sort of weakness or some…” Suddenly a huge hole opened up on his chest, cutting him off mid-sentence once again.

Now looking down at the large, empty space in his torso, which continued to expand as he disappeared – all while still with a mostly-straight face – he then simply looked back up at her. “Explain now.”

“I was able to analyse you’re genetic composition and cellular bonding procedure from your broadcast, and then crossed-referenced that with my notes on bio-mechanical genetic engineering and DNA splicing, and then combined that with the harmonic energy boosts and chaotic dampening effects of Equestrian Magic, to create a device that would destabilise your cellular structure, and break down your bonds in small increments, without splitting the cells directly, in order to ensure complete cellular distortion across the entire spectrum.” Twilight explained.

After hearing the girl’s explanations, Cell’s face was completely stoic; all the while he continued to break down even more. “Wait, so you’re saying that in the span of just a few days, you managed to discover a simple, sure-fire way of instantly defeating the most powerful being in the universe – something the likes of which you have never seen or even comprehended before – without ever actually meeting me personally and with only the resources that a teenage girl of upper middle class would have?”

“Yes,” Twilight responded casually, looking up from her monitor once again.

As more of his body started to break down, Cell simply stared back at her with his stoic expression. “Oh, you are such a Mary Sue.”

While he was in the middle of being broken down on a cellular level, suddenly a soccer ball came out of nowhere and hit him in the head. Turning his head in the direction that it had come from, he saw a familiar rainbow-haired girl standing on the edge of the arena.

Seeing her here now, he actually cracked a smile, despite his situation. “Oh, hey, Pride Parade. What are you doing here?”

Standing tall to try and act tough, with one hand on her hip and an arrogant look on her face, Rainbow Dash simply said, “I told you I’d have the last laugh.”

Cell just stared back at her for a moment before saying, “You realise you never actually told me tha…” However, before he could finish, his disintegration reached his mouth, preventing him from speaking further. Instead, he simply gave her flat look before he was completely disintegrated.

Once Cell was completely gone, Rainbow Dash simply said, “Well I totally won that fight.”

“Yes, Rainbow, good for you,” Twilight remarked dryly, as she knelt down on the spot where Cell had been standing a moment ago. She then took out a small cotton swab and began swabbing the ground.

Seeing her friend do this, Rainbow asked, “What are you doing?”

“Well, I made sure that my device would destabilize Cell on a cellular level, but I also specifically programmed it so that it would leave one cell behind so that I could study it.” She explained. Her face then lit up like a raving anime fangirl. “Oh, just think what I could learn from studying the advanced…”

Suddenly, there was a bright flash from the tip of the cotton swab, strong enough to knock both girls back. When the light faded, Cell was standing in front of them once again.

Upon the android’s return and apparent survival, Rainbow Dash’s confident façade immediately dropped and she began sweat-dropping, while Twilight simply stared back in disbelief that her invention had failed.

“B-but how…” Twilight stammered out.

“Lucky for me, you left one cell behind.” Cell explained, in a completely calm tone. “It turns out that I can regenerate from just that – who knew?”

Twilight’s face was blank. “Uhhmm, well, I…” However, before she could say anything else, Cell immediately raised his hand and fired a Ki blast at her, engulfing her completely.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” Twilight screamed as she was consumed by the blast.

Once the blast had faded, and the purple skinned girl was gone, Cell then turned his head to the side, towards Rainbow Dash, and simply stared back at her. The two of them held this silent staring contest for about ten seconds before Rainbow Dash then suddenly just turned around and started running away at top speed.

With a smile on his face, Cell decided to let her go.

Once he was on his own once again, Cell looked down at his arm, introspectively. “Hmmm, I suppose I’m rather OP as well.” He said, flexing his fingers on his right hand for a moment, making sure that every cell in his body was back where it should be.

“I’m okay with this.”

Cell vs. The Dazzlings

It was another clear day at the Cell Games arena, with the eponymous host standing in the centre of the ring, as usual, in a complete silence.

“Okay, seriously, how long have I been standing out here!” Cell suddenly yelled out. “I gave them a week and yet it feels like months! Especially with all the distractions I’ve been getting!” After he was finished ranting, he took in a deep breath to calm himself down. “Then again, maybe it just feels like months because of all the distractions.”

All of a sudden, he felt a new presence approach the stage, so he turned towards it. “Speaking of distractions, who do we have today?”

Standing at the edge of the arena, stopping a few feet in front of him were three young women, which like his previous guests, all had different colour skin: an orange-skinned girl, with big, poufy, orange hair with yellow highlights, who, from how she held herself, was the leader of the three of them, a blue-skinned girl, with light and dark blue hair tied back in a ponytail, and an expression on her face which kind of reminded him of Goku, and a purple-skinned girl, with purple hair held up in two pigtails, who, if he had to describe her in some way, would be just… there.

“Boy, I sure am popular with young ladies, aren’t I?” Cell spoke up, with a coy smile on his face. “Am I currently the hottest trending topic on Pinterest? I actually looked that up!” He suddenly yelled. “That’s how bored I am out here!” He then sighed and whispered under his breath, “I knew I should have bought a Nintendo Switch.”

The orange haired girl then stepped out ahead of the other two in order to address Cell. “Cell, allow me to introduce myself: I am Adagio Dazzle, the leader of the Dazzlings.”

“The Dazzlings?" Cell wondered aloud. "What are you, a pop band?”

“Actually, yes, we are,” the blue girl stated matter-of-factly, with an innocent smile on her face.

Cell just blinked. “…Well shit.” He said with a smile.

“And I believe,” Adagio continued, “that we both stand to gain if we work together.”

“Wait, so you actually came here to join me instead fight me?” He then started smiling in amazement. “Wow; you three may actually the smartest people to come here yet.”

Hearing that comment, the blue girl’s eyes started glistening. “You really think I’m smart?” She asked.

“Well, uh…” Cell began awkwardly, caught off guard by her tone. “Yes.”

“Yes,” the girl said, pumping her fist. “I can finally check that off my list of life goals.” She then took a small piece of paper out of her pocket and crossed something off.

Seeing this, Cell couldn’t help but smile. “Ha, that’s funny; you’re funny. You kind of remind me of Goku. You know what? I’m gonna call you, ‘Fem-Goku’.”

‘Fem-Goku’ just looked up, blinked absent-mindedly, and then smiled. “…Cool.”

“Hahaha, classic Fem-Goku.” Cell laughed. “But then again,” he continued, now serious. “I’m a perfect being, am currently the strongest being in this universe, with the ability to destroy a planet with just a fraction of my power. What would I possibly stand to gain by teaming up with all of you?”

“Oh, Cell,” Adagio began, in an alluring tone of voice. “There’s always something to be gained,” she continued, placing her hand on her hips suggestively.

“Ms Adagio, are you trying to seduce me? Because in case you can’t tell from over there, I don’t have penis.”

The abruptness of that comment seemed to catch Adagio off guard, and her cool demeanour slipped.

“Well, their goes about 90% of your people skills, Adagio,” the purple girl deadpanned, while casually looking at her nails.

“Shut it, Aria,” Adagio sneered, making a ‘cut it out’ gesture with her hand.

Letting out a sigh, she then turned back to face Cell once again. “Look, Mr. Perfect Cell…”

“Oh, I never get tired of hearing that.”

“…I pride myself on being a successful villain, and that includes being aware of how the heroes think and how villains are normally defeated, so that I can take the necessary steps to avoid that myself; and while I may have failed recently and lost everything that I’ve built up for the last thousand years…” She added quickly under her breath.

“You know, if you point out that you failed before, you’re not exactly helping your chances at convincing me.”

“My point…” Adagio continued, touching her hand to her forehead in frustration. “…is that I know how these things between heroes and villains usually go, and how your situation will inevitably go when your specific set of heroes-that-I-know-you-have show up to battle you. It hasn’t happened yet, but I know for a fact that if you play this out how you’ve planned, then you will fail; but with my help, you can avoid that fate?

“So then, you simply have to ask yourself: are you willing to take that risk?”

“Can you breathe in space?” Cell suddenly asked her.

Adagio blinked in confusion. “What?”

“I said, can you breathe in space?” He repeated.

“Uhhmm, no…”

“Well, I can, and that’s how I’m going to survive once I blow up the planet. So if you can’t, then I’m gonna have to find a way around that, meaning you’re asking a lot from me, for less from you, which really doesn’t incline me to agree with your proposal.”

When Adagio didn’t have a response to him immediately, noticing that things weren’t going well for them, ‘Fem-Goku’ leaned in close to her. “So, is this the part where we admit that we’re just trying to save ourselves when he kills everyone?”

“Not now, Sonata,” Adagio uttered through clenched teeth.

“Hey, at least she’s upfront about it,” Cell joined in. “You get another point ‘Fem-Goku’. I now have two people that I’m gonna miss when I kill everyone.”

Hearing him say that, Adagio looked back at Cell, with a less-than-hopeful look on her face. “So… is that a ‘no’?”

“That’s a ‘no’.” Cell answered.

Adagio then slumped further.

When Cell noticed this, he decided to ease up a bit. “Alright then, I’ll tell you what: if by some miracle that I do end failing, then when we all meet up together in Hell, I owe you a coke?”

Instead of responding, Adagio just grumbled angrily and then simply turned and walked away, with Aria following behind her.

As her fellow band members – and possible sisters – were walking away, before following after them, Sonata faced Cell and asked, “Could I get a root beer instead?”

“Hahaha,” Cell laughed good-naturedly. “Of course.” He said with a smile.

Sonata beamed brightly, and then followed after her fellow band members, waving bye to Cell as she did so.

As the three Dazzlings began walking away again, Aria flipped her hair indignantly. “Well, looks like your plan failed once again, Adagio. I can’t really say I’m surprised, though.” She said in a dry, sarcastic tone.

Adagio simply let out a sigh of exasperation. “I’m not even going to dignify that with a response.

“You kind of just did,” Sonata pointed out.

“Ha,” Cell laughed as they walked away. “Ah, this has been a fun day.”

After a moment, once the three girls were gone, his face suddenly drooped again. “And now back to the boredom.”

Cell vs. The Rainbooms Part 2

Cell stood in the ring, using his ability that he got from Piccolo to connect to the internet with his mind, to browse the web. “Oooohh, Dark Souls Remastered is coming out for the Nintendo Switch. I should get that.” He thought with a smile. However, his smile fell again once he read the article further. “Oh, but it’s not coming out in the next few days; never mind.”

Suddenly, Cell sensed seven presences approaching the ring, six of which were familiar. “So, we have people coming back now?” Cell wondered aloud to himself. “And just who would be so suicidal?” He asked, as he turned around to see who it was.

It was the Rainboom gang that he had met previously, except now; they were all dressed in colourful outfits, with a crystal theme, that revealed quite a lot of their bodies.

“Wow, really playing up that whole Magical Girl angle, aren’t we?” Cell deadpanned.

He then turned around fully to face them, sweeping his gaze across them one by one. They all stood proudly and confidently in a straight line, with their arms crossed, ready for their next fight with the android; except for Fluttershy, who simply stared back at him flatly, whilst rubbing her still-sore cheek. “Bastard.” She uttered quietly.

Cell, meanwhile, simply smiled back at her. His smug attitude shifted to confusion, however, when he noticed the purple-skinned girl in the centre of the group, who looked just like the scientist who had almost defeated him before, except she didn’t have glasses and she wore her hair differently.

“Hold on, didn’t I already kill you?” Cell wondered. “What? Have Goku and his friends already gathered the Dragon Balls?”

“Not exactly,” she explained. “My name is Twilight Sparkle, but I’m from Equestria; you killed the Twilight Sparkle from this world.”

“Equestria? I’m gonna have to look into that later?” Cell whispered to himself.

“Dragon Balls? I’m gonna have to look into that later.” Twilight whispered to herself.

Once introductions were over and done with, Rainbow Dash stepped forward. “Alright, Cell!” She screamed out, pointing hard at him. “Now that we have Princess Twilight helping us, you don’t stand a chance.”

Sunset Shimmer gave Rainbow Dash a weird look after she said that, but didn’t respond to it.

Cell, meanwhile, just arched an eyebrow in contemptment. “Really, Pride Parade? Two failed attempts that ended with you leaving this ring in bruises and/or tears and you’re still this confident. Well, I do have to give you credit for it, at least.”

Rainbow Dash, however, just stood tall and confident. “You don’t stand a chance now, Cell. Our powers are even stronger than before.” She then turned her head to the side. “Show him, Rarity.”

“Right,” the white girl announced. She then projected a diamond shaped shield around the seven of them. “Ha, just try and break this, Perfect Ce…”

However, before she could finish, Cell fired a simple Ki blast from his fingertip and shattered the shield instantly. “That’s Mr. Perfect Cell,” he corrected.

“Uhh…” Rarity stuttered, instinctively taking a step back, her confidence starting to lessen a bit.

Trying not to let her friend dwell on this, Applejack stepped forward, ready to take her turn. “Alright, Ah’m up next.” She said, getting into a fighting stance. She then immediately charged at Perfect Cell, slamming her fist into his gut.

When her fist made contact, Cell suddenly jerked from the force of the punch, not expecting her to be that strong. Looking down at her, she had a smug expression on her face – knowing that she had caught him off guard with her strength – which made Cell adopt a similar expression. “Not bad; I actually felt that one.” He then smiled in anticipation.

“My turn!” He quickly shouted out, punching Applejack, and sending her flying over the horizon, like during his first meeting with this group.

Seeing Applejack dispatched so easily was another blow to the girl’s morale, but they still tried to remain strong.

“Don’t worry, girls,” Pinkie Pie spoke up, taking a step forward herself. “I’m up next.” She then reached into her pocket, took out some sprinkles, and threw them at Cell, where they exploded on contact. “Yes, direct hit!” Pinkie cheered.

Once the dust cleared, Cell was standing there, completely unfazed. “Exploding sprinkles? Really?” He then let out a sigh of disappointment. “I expected better from you, pinky.”

In response, the girl just stood there, still in the position with her arm stretched out from throwing the sprinkles, and blinked. “Actually, it’s Pinkie.”

“Whatever!” Rainbow Dash screamed out, now standing behind Cell, causing him to turn around to see her. “You may be stronger than the others, Cell, but right now, I’m faster than you could ever hope to be.”

In response, Cell simply turned to her and smiled. “Oh, really?” Suddenly, there was another Cell standing right next to the first one.

“Wh-what?” Rainbow Dash stuttered.

“Don’t mind me…

“…I’m just occupying multiple spaces at once.” Cell explained.

“What? How?”

“With my speed,” he continued. “There’s also a third one over there, giving pinky a noogie,” he said, gesturing to the side, where a third Cell had the pink girl in a headlock.

“Actually, it’s Pinkie,” she said as she struggled in his grip.

Rainbow Dash was now fuming at how much Cell was worfing them. “Okay, that is just impossible!” She screamed.

“No.” Cell quietly cut her off. “You’re just too slow.” He added, flicking her on the forehead.

This just made the rainbow-haired girl fume even more.

“Don’t worry, Rainbow Dash. I’ve got this,” Fluttershy announced, taking a step forward, looking and sounding supremely confident in herself. Everyone in the ring turned to face her.

A moment later, she suddenly looked from side to side. “Uhhmm, are there any animals around here?”

“Nope, they all ran away when I built the ring.” Cell responded.

Suddenly, all of Fluttershy’s bravado disappeared and she simply stepped back again.

The sight made Cell grin smugly.

“Got you,” Sunset said, grabbing Cell by the shoulder, catching him by surprise. “Now, let’s see your story.” She said, activating her magic to view his memories.

She then saw visions of Cell, though he looked different than he did now - kind of like a teenage version of this Cell – strangling a boy with purple hair, using his tail, and stealing some sort of vehicle from him; him literally drinking people to death with his tail; absorbing two particular people through his tail whole, which caused him to change form – twice – into his current form. Then she saw visions of him engaging in big battles with other people, using planet-destroying beams of energy, even tanking one directly, and then healing instantly a moment later, all the while with a smug grin on his face, and using only a fraction of his power.

Coming out of her visions, she let go of Cell, and instinctively took a step back as the full weight of the situation suddenly hit her like a two tonne freight train, traveling 200 mph. “Uhhmm, girls. I think we’re in over our head, here.” She uttered quietly.

“Strategic withdrawal!” She then suddenly yelled out, before quickly running away, with Fluttershy, Rarity and Pinkie Pie following after her, and Rainbow Dash using her super speed to run in the other direction.

“Wait, girls, come back! We can still do this!” Twilight called out, turning in the direction that most of them had fled, pleading with them to remain. “As long as we believe in our friendship, we can overcome any…”

Cell then obliterated her with a Ki blast while her back was turned.

Once the deed was done and the android was alone once again, he breathed a sigh of contentment. “Ah, you know, killing somebody a second time is very therapeutic. Maybe once the tournament’s over, I’ll use the Dragon Balls to bring everybody back so that I can kill them again; make things twice as fun.” He then folded his arms once again.

“Now then, what was that they said about this ‘Equestria’?”

Cell vs. Wallflower Blush

Cell stood in the centre of his ring for the Cell Games (Presented by Hetap), surveying the wasteland around his arena. “You know, it’s funny,” he said to himself. “I’ve just been standing in this one spot for almost a week, but I’ve never really taken the time to appreciate the serene beauty of the scenery around here; so quiet and peaceful.” He then took in a breath. “It must be the Piccolo in me.”

As he was looking around the arena, he suddenly spotted a girl already standing in the ring with him. “Whoa, Jesus!” Cell shouted out in alarm, and his eyes going wide. “Where’d you come from?”

“My name is Wallflower Blush.” The girl responded in a deadpan tone. She had green skin, with large, unkempt green hair, wearing a woollen jumper and blue jeans. Overall, she had a very plain appearance. “I’ve been standing here for the last three hours.”

“Oh,” Cell began, looking a bit awkward. “Sorry about that. I didn’t even notice you.”

“Yes, I know,” the girl responded casually, as she began rooting for something in of her bag.

“So then,” Cell continued. “What’s your reason to come out here to meet Mr. Perfect Cell? Are you a hero come to try and stop me and save the world – the operative word there being ‘try’? Or are you a villain who wants to join me in conquering the universe, and/or to try and save yourself from extinction? Or are you maybe something different that I haven’t seen yet? I am just bursting with anticipation.” He said in a faux-excited tone.

The girl wasn’t really paying attention to what he was saying, and just pulled a strange glowing stone out of here bag and held it up between her and Cell.

“Oh, what have you got there?” He asked, semi-intrigued. “Mysterious glowing rock, huh? Kind of cliché, but…”

The stone then started glowing brighter, and Cell was transfixed by its aura. A moment later, a stream of green-coloured ribbons emerged out of his forehead and flowed over, into the stone.

Once the process was over, the stone stopped glowing, and Cell suddenly snapped back to reality. “What? Wait, where am I? What’s going on?” He said as he rapidly looked around at where he was, not recognising the area. He then looked down at his hands, and suddenly his eyes went wide. “Holy shit, what happened to me?! Am I already in my Perfect form?! When did that happen?! Am I dreaming?! I am freaking the f*ck out!”

While Cell was freaking said f*ck out, the girl across from him simply smiled. “Well, I guess I just saved the world.” She said to herself. She then suddenly looked dour a moment later. “Not that anyone will remember.”

With her task done, she simply put the stone back in her bag, and then turned around and began walking away again. She made it to the very edge of the arena before she stopped.

“Hey, girlie,” Cell called out from behind her, though he didn’t sound freaked out anymore, and instead like he did before. “Erasing my memories, huh? Good plan; interesting way of getting around my strength, regeneration and all-around perfection. I definitely didn’t see that coming.”

Suddenly, the girl’s eyes went wide, and she spun around quickly to face him. “Wait, you remember me?”

Cell quickly caught on to her confusion. “Oh, yeah,” he began, looking at his hand, as if introspectively. “It turns out that every one of my cells has a memory of its own, so when you took my memories, I was able to quickly replace it.” He then looked up at her again. “Weird, huh?”

Wallflower just blinked. “Uhh, yeah. Weird…”

Cell then raised his arm, smiled, and obliterated her with a Ki blast.

Once she was gone, Cell lowered his arm once again. “Well, I guess that puts an end to… uhh… oh, shoot, what was her name again?”

Cell vs. Tempest Shadow

Perfect Cell stood completely silently in the middle of his arena, with his arms crossed and his eyes closed, ~~napping~~ meditating peacefully.

Suddenly, his eyes opened when he detected someone approaching the ring, so he turned to face them. It was another young woman, and when he saw her, he immediately smirked. “Well, let’s see here: dark purple colour, crew cut hair, black armour, stern expression, and a scar on your face. Hey,” he suddenly raised his voice, now clearly addressing her. “Riku from Kingdom Hearts called – he says to turn down the edgelord.”

The young woman halted in her approach, stopping just a few feet in front of Cell. Her expression was unreadable, and she simply stared back at Cell, unflinching. “Perfect Cell,” she began. “My name is Tempest Shadow.”

“Oh yeah, definitely an edgelord.” Cell whispered to himself.

“I came here to stop you,” Tempest Shadow continued. “You’re evil, plain and simple; you care about nothing but yourself and what you want, and you don’t care who you have to hurt in order to get it.” She then looked away, knowingly. “I know this because I was just like you once.” She then raised her hand and looked at it, almost introspectively. “Princess Twilight saved my life, in more ways than one, even after I had done nothing but hurt and harass her and her friends, and I clearly didn’t deserve her mercy; and I always wondered why she did that.”

She then looked back at Cell, her expression still stern, but now with a fiery determination behind her eyes. “But now I know; it’s so that I could be the one to avenge her murder,” she said, bearing down and baring her fangs.

Throughout her long speech, Cell simply grinned smugly in response. “Wow, that was quite the inspiring speech there, Tempest Shadow, but unfortunately, it will be all for naught. You see, if you were smart, you would have heeded your friend’s own demise and stayed as far away from…”

However, while he was distracted by his monologuing, Tempest quickly grabbed an orb from around her belt and threw it at him. Before Cell could realise what it was, it had already struck him, creating a small cloud of purple smoke on impact.

Simply looking down at the impact site on his chest, Cell’s expression changed to one of mild curiosity. “Wh-what was that? Some kind of party favour or…” Suddenly, Cell felt his skin begin to harden, and looking back down at where he had been struck again, he noticed that he seemed to be becoming encased in some sort of dark, crystalline substance. “Wait, what the fu…” Cell began to scream out, but the crystals quickly encased his entire body, leaving him frozen in a state of panic.

Still in the throwing position, Tempest simply smirked in triumph at her victory. “Wow, those orbs are seriously OP.” She deadpanned to herself. She then began slowly walking over towards Cell’s crystal form.

“Sorry, Cell. You may be incredibly powerful, but it seems you still lack the one power you need to be able to best those orbs. The ability…” Her smirk deepened. “To dodge.”

Since Cell couldn’t talk back in this state, there was nothing but silence in the Cell Games Arena. Knowing that he was still alive within the crystal, though, Tempest knew that she hadn’t quite avenged Princess Twilight just yet. Turning to the side, she saw a bunch of high cliffs in the distance, not too far away.

“Well, I guess all that’s left now is to drag his statue up those cliffs and throw him over and…” However, she was suddenly cut off when the ground beneath her started shaking. While she was trying to figure out what was going on, she suddenly noticed cracks appearing over Cell’s crystal form.

Another moment later, the crystal covering Cell shattered away like glass in an instant, leaving Cell once again standing in front of her, crystal-free, but now with a look of pure rage etched on his face.

Tempest was incredibly confused that he had apparently broken out of his crystal prison so easily. “Wait, how did you…”

“No!” Cell interrupted her, now well and truly pissed off.

Tempest blinked. “What…”

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!” Cell repeated angrily. “You do not… get to use… the dodge card… against me.”

Tempest was once again confused at his sudden personality change, and for several long moments, neither of them dared to move an inch or even say a thing.

The entire arena was deathly silent.

…

…

…

…

Tempest quickly moved to grab for another crystal orb, but Cell was faster, and immediately obliterated her with a giant Ki blast, leaving nothing but a scorch mark on his perfectly crafted stage, but right now, he was still too angry to care about that.

Once Cell was once again the only living thing in the area, he took a moment to breathe in and try to calm himself down. “Calm down, Cell. It’s over now,” he said quietly to himself.

“Also, I’m really starting to build up a body count before the tournament even starts. On the infinitesimally slim chance that Goku and his friends actually do kill me and gather the Dragon Balls, this place is suddenly going to get very crowded.”

Cell vs. Vignette Valencia

Perfect Cell stood, as usual, in the exact centre of his ring, waiting patiently for the end of the week, wherein the Cell Games would finally begin; though by this point, thanks to all of the constant interruptions from pre-emptive challengers, his patience was beginning to wear thin. In his annoyance, he let out an exasperated sigh.

“Okay, just a few more days to go until the Cell Games Presented by Hetap officially begins; then I can finally say goodbye to all of these annoying little interruptions and I can finally have my long awaited fight with Goku.”

Suddenly, his soliloquy was interrupted when he sensed a new presence approaching the ring. Since this was nothing new at this point, he just lazily turned his head in that direction to see who it was this time. “Speaking of annoying little interruptions...”

This time it was a young woman, with bright yellow skin, and pink hair with white highlights, who seemed to be around the same age as the other girls that had approached the arena lately. She wore a white crop top, with short shorts, and high heels, underneath a thin, brown leather, tasselled overcoat.

“Oh, wow, another young woman,” Cell drawled sarcastically. “I mean, I know that I’m the most perfect specimen so naturally women would be drawn to me, but you’d think that there would be at least some strong dudes showing up. It’s getting to be a real clam bake around here.” He then let out another sigh. “I miss Goku.”

“So, you must be Perfect Cell,” the young woman finally spoke up, having reached the spot of the ring where all of the other challengers stood when they arrived.

“That’s Mr. Perfect Cell!” Mr. Perfect Cell clarified. “I swear, if one more person makes that mistake, then I won’t even bother correcting them and I’ll just Yamcha them on the spot.”

“Oh, dearie,” the young woman said, casually waving her hand in his direction. “I’m not here to talk about washed up baseball players. My name is Vignette Valencia, and before you ask, yes, I am that Vignette Valencia,” she spoke with pride in her voice. “Word of your Twitter announcement for this little tournament of yours was brought to my attention and I must say that the reception you got was quite im-press-ive… for someone just starting out,” she added.

“Excuse you!” Cell shouted out, feeling insulted. “I managed to get #CellGames trending within just five seconds of me announcing it.”

“And like I said, dearie, it’s a good start for somebody just starting out,” Vignette countered immediately, with an indignant laugh. “But with the proper guidance, I believe that you can become a true social media star, like moi, and I believe that I can show you the way.”

Cell suddenly felt his eye twitch when she said those last two words, but he had no idea why, so he moved on quickly. “You really think that you could do better?” Cell asked.

In response, Vignette smirked and whipped out her phone. “Here, watch this,” she said, as she began tapping away at the screen. “‘Chilling with Mr. Perfect Cell, U know how I do, enjoying a fantabulous business venture, about to change his life for the better. #CellGames #VignetteValencia #Hetap #BYBB’ aaaaaaaaaaand… post. Trending.”

“Wh-what?” Cell uttered. “It’s literally been less than a second since you posted that.”

Vignette just grinned. “Like I said, dearie, I’m that Vignette Valencia. Now then, on to your goals AF,” she continued speaking even as she returned her attention to her phone. “Your face and jawline are very handsome and that voice that goes along with it is just so fleek, so they will be your greatest assets for drawing them in initially, but you’re going to need more if we’re to build on your base platform.

“I suggest a complete makeover, with new brand deals, and switching venues – if we change the whole ‘death tournament’ angle to more traditional ‘battle royale’, it’s going to be a close call, but I think we’ll be able to land a Fortnite sponsorship tie in; eat your heart out, HETAP!

“Also switching over from Twitter to Snapgab,” she added. “I think that it will all go a long way to help you slay them all, become lit and get woke.” She then ended her little spiel with a flashy pose.

Cell’s eyes immediately widened. “Oh, God! You’re one of those millennial people, aren’t you?!”

“Now, we’ll also have to do something your colour palette,” Vignette added, ignoring what he just said. “Sickly puke green and bland grey are just off putting and so 1992. How do you feel about turning your green parts gold and your grey parts purple? I only ask because you’ll absolutely have to do it.”

“Nope, sorry, not doing this.” Cell quickly cut in. “I have put up with a lot of shit over the past couple of days, but this is where I draw the line.”

Cell then extended his arm, to prepare a quick Ki blast to end this moment now; however, before he could, Vignette quickly took his picture, and suddenly everything went white, and a temporary feeling of weightlessness overcame him. Once he felt solid again, he took a look around at his new surroundings, but he could see nothing but a featureless white void.

“Oh, goddammit!” Cell yelled out, steaming in anger. “Mark my words, bitch, I am going to get out of here, and when I do…” He then raised his arm straight up. “I will make you pay!” He yelled, as he fired off a Ki blast into the air, to vent his anger, but he was immediately confused when the roof above him, which was actually there, collapsed on top of him, letting light in, revealing that he was actually just in a very very white room.

Cell blinked in confusion, his anger from earlier dissipating. “Huh.” A brief moment later, letting out a sigh, he found his words again. “Wow, even her victories are underwhelming.”

He then began walking around, taking note of exactly how large the room he was in was. “You know, it’s actually pretty peaceful here, and I’m fairly certain that no one else can get here. Maybe I should just stay here until the Cell Games Presented by Hetap. It would give me some time to myself.” He briefly considered this, but quickly discarded the notion. “Then again, if that girl sends people here whenever she takes their photo, then knowing her, there’ll probably be another fifty people joining me here within the hour, at least.”

Suddenly, he looked down when he felt his foot brush against something. Noticing it, he raised his head up to the sky and yelled, “I don’t know if you can hear me, but I’m eating your stress salad!” He then let out another sigh before kneeling down to pick up the bowl. “I definitely need after these past couple of days.”

Cell vs. Grogar

Perfect Cell stood in the centre of his arena, mentally tracing a path between the lines of each tile, starting at the edge, going down one, then across one, and repeating until it reached the other side. A result of his arena being a perfect twenty-four by twenty-four meant that it worked out perfectly.

“Well, that makes 273 stair games now,” Cell said aloud to himself. “It’s not like there’s much else to do around here, aside from the occasional early challenger.” He then let out a sigh. “I never thought that I’d say this after everything that they’ve put me through in these last few days, but I’m actually starting to miss all of the constant interruptions. I mean, sure it’s annoying as Hell and almost resulted in me being killed a few times, but at least it’s something to do while I wait for the Cell Games to begin.”

Suddenly, he felt a strange feeling, beginning in his feet. Looking down, he had just enough time to notice a black flame quickly make its way up his body, causing him to disappear as it did so.

“Wait, hold on! What’s going on?!” He exclaimed in shock.

After just two seconds, he was whooshed away.

A moment later, Cell was whole once again, physically unharmed, but now standing in a completely different area. Looking around, he seemed to be in some sort of stone cavern, with stalactites growing down from the ceiling and stalagmites growing up from the floor. There were several smaller platforms around the main chamber, each with a set of stairs that lead down towards the centre of the room, where there was some sort of orb on a raised pedestal.

“Alright, where the fuck am I?” Cell wondered aloud.

“I was just wondering the same thing,” Cell suddenly heard a new voice respond to him. It sounded feminine, with a slight filter. Looking over at the platform to his right, he saw a strange quadrupedal creature, with the body proportions of a horse, and a horn like that of a unicorn, but also possessed a black chitin and had the membranous wings of an insect, not unlike his own.

“Whoa, what the fuck are you supposed to be?”

“Listen, Bug-man,” the creature snarled at him. “I am Chrysalis, queen of the changelings! Or at least I will be, when I’m restored to my rightful place!”

“Listen, Bug-horse,” Cell barked back at her immediately, in the same tone of voice. “It’s Mister Perfect Cell, cybernetic android of the Red Ribbon Army, with the combined DNA of humans, Saiyans, Namekians, and whatever the Hell Frieza is!”

“I don’t even know what most of those words mean!” Chrysalis exclaimed in frustration as the two of them continued to hold their glare on one another.

“Changelings?” The two of them suddenly heard a third voice speak up from across the room. Turning in the direction from which they heard it, both bug-creatures saw an old-looking centaur, with a small pink Pegasus filly beside him on an adjacent platform on the other side of the stone chamber.

“Lord Tirek?” Chrysalis seemed to recognise the centaur. She then returned to her snarl as she began walking down the stairs towards the centre of the chamber. “Why did you summon us?”

“Oh, golly! We didn’t bring you,” the pegasus filly began, as she Tirek met Chrysalis and Cell in the centre. “I thought you freed us from Tartarus.”

“Tartarus?” Chrysalis inquired. “Whoever pulled you from there must have been somepony very powerful indeed.”

“Yeah, I’m still lost over here,” Cell admitted. “Would someone mind explaining to me exactly what the fuck is going on?”

The pegasus filly quirked her eyebrow in confusion at what he said. “What’s a fuck?”

“I’ll tell you when you’re older,” Tirek responded, patting her on the head.

Suddenly, laughter filled the room, which didn’t come from any of the four gathered, and a shadow formed at the top of the room, from which an armoured unicorn stallion, who was the source of said laughter appeared, with a smug grin on his face.

“King Sombra?” Chrysalis spoke up again, identifying the new individual. “You have returned? Why did you bring us here?”

“He didn’t.”

A new, deep voice spoke up from the opposite side of the room. The five gathered all turned towards the sixth, shadowy figure standing in the doorway. They slowly and silently, but menacingly walked into the room, which made the pegasus filly hid behind Tirek’s leg in fear, and Sombra leapt down from the top of the room to stand beside Cell and Chrysalis. As they stepped into the light as they made their way forward, revealing himself to be a large blue ram.

He stopped in front of the orb at the centre of the chamber and slammed his hooves against the pedestal in an intimidating manner. “It was I,” he continued as he addressed the gathered individuals. “You may call me... Grogar.”

“Yeah, still lost!” Cell exclaimed.

Tirek and Chrysalis, however gasped in shocked recognition.

“The Grogar?” Chrysalis wondered.

“I thought you were a legend,” Tirek followed up.

“I’ve heard of you,” Sombra stated flatly.

“I’m with Cell on this one,” the pegasus filly chimed in. “I’ve never heard of him either.”

“I assure you, I am very real,” Grogar continued. “And you have all been brought here as part of my plan to rid Equestria of Twilight Sparkle and her friends once and for all.”

“Twilight Sparkle?” Cell repeated quietly to himself. He then tilted his head to the side in thought. “Why does that name sound familiar?”

While Grogar continued to speak with the rest of them, Cell focused harder to try and remember where he had heard that name before, and then he suddenly remembered another word that Grogar had said. “Equestria?”

Another moment later, Cell’s eyes widened in recognition when it finally came to him. “Oh, that Twilight Sparkle: purple and pink hair, nerdy personality that reminded me of Gohan, instantly defeated me despite all logic to the contrary,” he rattled off. “Yeah, I killed her,” he deadpanned.

“Perhaps a demonstration of power is in orde...” Grogar suddenly stopped what he was saying; his eyes bulged in surprise, and turned towards Cell. “Wait, what?”

“Wait, what?”

“Wait, what?”

“Wait, what?”

“Wait, what?”

Everybody was equally surprised by Cell’s revelation.

“Yup, I killed her,” Cell confirmed for them. “Twice in fact. I’m not exactly sure how I did that, but I did it.”

The other creatures in the room were rendered speechless by his assertion. It sounded like such a simple thing to just state; however, they could still tell from Cell’s expression that he wasn’t bluffing; he really had killed her.

“B-but... how? When?” Grogar stuttered, quickly losing the menacing and intimidating air that he had building.

“Well, golly, that sounds like great work, Mr. Perfect Cell.” The pegasus filly was the first to move beyond shocked surprise and weak stutters and spoke up properly, flying over to him and landing on his shoulder.

“Finally, thank you!” Cell exclaimed in joy at somebody actually using his full preferred name. “See, she gets it.” He didn’t even bother to swat her away since she had actually used his full name. “Look at you, so excited at hearing about somebody being murdered; you’re a little psychopath aren’t you?” He smiled at that. “I like it.” That in turn made her smile.

“B-but that can’t be...” Grogar tried to rationalise.

The other villains, meanwhile, changed their expressions to smirks of villainous respect.

“I am a bit disappointed that I wasn’t the one who got to do the deed, but frankly as long as she’s dead, I’m happy,” Tirek said.

“Indeed,” Chrysalis agreed. “With Twilight Sparkle gone, and her friends’ annoying little magic rainbow lasers nullified, Equestria will be ours for the taking.”

“Indubitably,” Sombra agreed as he rubbed his forehooves together in anticipation. “Now that I’m back and that lavender bookworm is gone, I can focus my efforts on reclaiming the Crystal Empire and my crystal slaves.”

“You could always use some help getting that done,” the pegasus filly spoke up again. “Cell here does have a proven track record of taking out heroes. Plus, while everypony here is evil, you are going to need some cuteness to balance it out.” She fluttered her eyelashes at him, indicating herself.

“And while my primary goal is still revenge on Starlight Glimmer, I would still like to even the score with that pink, pony princess of love and her annoying husband,” Chrysalis joined the conversation.

“Those ponies do have a lot of magic with which fight back against you,” Tirek added. “I could always lend you support in depriving them of it, making your revenge all the easier. I’m already salivating at the thought of it.”

All of the other villains nodded their heads along in agreement and then turned back towards Grogar once again. They had all initially been sceptical of actually working together, since that was a dangerous step towards friendship, but if this Mister Perfect Cell had already managed to kill the Princess of Friendship, then they were suddenly more open to working together.

Cell couldn’t help but smile at the situation unfolding. “You know, it’s funny; I told that Adagio girl I wasn’t interested in a team-up, but after seeing first-hand just how much other people are screwed over by heroes and just how much they can all bond over their death, maybe this won’t be so bad after all.”

“Mmmmhmm,” The pegasus happily nodded her head alongside him.

There was now a much chipper mood in the air in the stone chamber.

Grogar, however, just stood there in disbelief, with his mouth awkwardly hanging open. This was not going the way he had planned at all. The next moment, his face suddenly became stoic and just done with everything. “You know what? Screw it.” He then lifted up his hoof, which quickly morphed into an eagle talon, and with a snap of his new fingers, Perfect Cell and the other villains were once again swept away in a black flame.

The next moment, Perfect Cell was once again standing in the centre of his Cell Games Arena, with the stone cavern and everyone in it now gone once again.

“Well, that was... weird,” Cell finally spoke up. “You know, after all of the other strange things that have happened to me in the past few days, I’m still only about 80% certain that what just happened actually happened.”

There was then another short moment of silence in the Cell Games Arena as Cell looked down at the ground, introspectively. “You know, it’s strange. I’ve spent my entire life alone, always only looking out for myself; and now just as I was thinking about finally opening myself up to other people, it was all just stripped away; gone in a single instant, and I actually find myself... missing it.

“I wonder, was any of that... even real?” He looked down at the arena floor, solemnly.

“I’m pretty sure it was,” the pink pegasus filly on his shoulder answered.

Cell vs. ...Cell?

Cell suddenly bolted upright, with a confused look on his face. “What the Hell? What’s going on? Where am I?” Cell exclaimed. Looking around at his surroundings, he was not currently standing in the centre of the Cell Games arena, but rather sitting in a green grassland, with several large trees and small hills around him.

The last thing he remembered was talking to the pink pegasus filly, named Cozy Glow, listening to her tell him about her and her life, learning more about her since she was apparently stuck here with him now after being teleported alongside him, and he appreciated the company of someone who wasn’t trying to kill him, and it at least gave him something to do while waiting for the Cell Games to begin. Then suddenly everything went black and now he’s here.

Picking himself up, he took in a breath to steady his thoughts. “Well, I guess I should be heading back to the arena as fast as possible; Cozy’s all alone, and if the stories that she’s told me about herself are true then if I leave her alone for five minutes she’ll probably start up a cult or something.”

He then released a sigh in frustration as he turned and began walking forward. “I can’t believe I get a child for less than a day and I’ve already abandoned them. Is being a bad father just in the Saiyan DNA or what? Oh, well. I guess I better just get head back to...” He suddenly stopped when he took a few steps and already saw his arena just up ahead. “Wait, what? That’s definitely my ring, but this definitely isn’t where I built it. Something is going on here, and I intend to find out what.” He then made his way over to the arena in an angry huff.

As he entered the side of the ring, which was where his early challengers would normally enter the arena from, his eyes suddenly widened when he saw the two figures that were currently standing in the centre of the ring, where he normally stood. One was a perfect copy of himself in every way, and they were speaking to some sort of creature, which if he squinted kind of looked like an anthropomorphic frog, but only in the loosest definition of the word.

“What. The. Fuck.” Cell exclaimed in confusion.

The other Cell turned towards him when he spoke up. “Oh, son of a bitch. Here we go again!” This other Cell exclaimed in annoyance. He did kind of sound like Cell, but more like someone trying to do an impression of him.

“What the Hell? Is that another you?” The frog wondered, directed at the other Cell.

“Well, I guess I should have seen this coming?” Other Cell said. “I’ve already fought against an Imperfect me and a Semi-Perfect me; I suppose it was only a matter of time before another Perfect me showed up.”

“How many times do we have to teach you this lesson, old man?!” The frog shouted at Cell.

Cell was still very confused. “Wait, what the Hell is going on here?” He looked at the other Cell. “Who are you and why do you look like me? And why are you not even the slightest bit confused at the fact that there are two of us?” He then turned towards the frog. “And who and what are you supposed to be? I know that there are animal people in this world, but they still don’t look anything like you.”

The frog simply stared back at Cell for a moment with a blank expression on his face before turning back towards Other Cell again. “Cell, something’s wrong; it’s been five seconds and he hasn’t made a pop-culture reference or quoted a dead meme.”

“You’re right, Kermit,” Other Cell agreed. “Something is very wrong here.”

Suddenly, a new figured appeared in the ring from out of nowhere. They were an effeminate-looking alien, with green skin and darker green hair, tied back in a ponytail. He wore white and red armour, as well as a scouter over his right eye. “Oh my. Two Cells? It must be my birthday.” He spoke in a creepy tone.

“What are you doing here now, Zarbon?” Other Cell wondered aloud.

“Wait, Zarbon?” Cell spoke up. “That name sounds familiar somehow but I’m not exactly sure why it sounds familiar.”

“I’m not exactly sure how you can not know who Zarbon is by now, but if it helps, he’s one of Frieza’s henchman,” Other Cell clarified.

“Yes, that’s right; though I must say, even Lord Frieza didn’t look as tight as you, Cell, and seeing two of you right now just ohhhhhhhhhh!” Zarbon moaned loudly.

Cell was now feeling very uncomfortable, in a way that he had never been made to feel before. “You know what? I have had a lot of weird experiences in these last couple of days, but this right here is just a bit too weird even for me. I’ve had enough of this.” Cell then extended his arm towards Zarbon and fired a Ki blast at him to vaporise him.

However, a moment later, the dust cleared and Zarbon was still standing there, completely unharmed. “Oh my, Cell, you certainly do like if rough, don’t you? Shooting your load all over my face like that.”

“Wait, what?!” Cell exclaimed in disbelief. “How the Hell are you still alive?! That other me said you were one of Frieza’s minions, and I am literally hundreds of times stronger than Frieza!”

“Oh, Cell,” Zarbon began, shaking his head coyly. “This is the Devil Artemis universe; power levels don’t work here,” he explained. He then looked back at him, now with a much more sinister expression on his face. “But do you know what does work?”

Cell suddenly had a bad feeling about this. “Err... what?”

“My dick. Ohhhhhhh!” Zarbon moaned again, even louder than the last time. Zarbon then pounced on Cell.

“What are you doing? Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on. No, nononononono. What’s going on? Why can I not stop you from doing this? How is this physically happening right now? I don’t even have a... Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

As all of this was going on, Other Cell just stood there watching, with an uneasy expression on his face. “You know, Kermit; watching yourself getting raped from the outside really helps put something that you often joke about in a whole different perspective, and really makes you reconsider how you... Oh my God, Kermit, are you jacking off right now?!”

“Don’t kink shame me!”

Discord reclined in his chair as he observed the events going on in the Cell Games arena through a portal, with a shit-eating grin on his face.

“Oh, Cell; I knew that with how powerful you were and with your universe already having a set conclusion that I wouldn’t be able to actually defeat you, so I simply transported you temporarily to another universe, where all of your power means nothing, and then I could just sit back and watch you suffer. This is for Twilight.”

As Discord was talking to himself, his eyes suddenly started drifting to the side and then they popped open in realisation. “Oh, that’s right, the fourth wall,” he began as he turned fully to address the readers.

“If you liked this particular chapter or just the Cell vs. premise in general, then make sure to head on over to YouTube and check out the DevilArtemis channel. He makes a bunch of videos like this, with Cell facing off against loads of different video game and anime characters, with loads of crazy shit, and absolutely no filters. There’s even lore, recurring jokes, and best of all, he updates on a regular basis, with multiple new videos a week, unlike the author of this story and his update schedule or lack thereof.

“Oh, and don’t worry; there’s still more chapters of this story to come, despite the Completed status in the story description. The author just doesn’t want to bother changing it now out of a misplaced sense of consistency, and worrying that it might slow down his already pathetic update schedule, if it can even be called that.”

Discord’s limbs suddenly turned into poisonous cobras that simultaneously bit him, causing him extreme pain.

“...well this doesn’t seem right.”

Then his head fell off, into a large paper shredder that so happened to be beneath him, spraying blood everywhere as he was very slowly pushed through it, making the whole process more painful and drawn out.

“Oh, so that’s how you want to play it, eh, author? Well try this.”

As Discord’s head was slowly being pushed through the shredder, his tooth suddenly transformed into a new hand which he used to snap his fingers, causing what was left of his head to suddenly explode, and his two eyes and mouth being all that was left to land on the ground.

“...the next chapter is Cell vs. Juniper Montage.”

Discord exploded twice.

Now only his mouth was left.

“I can’t believe this. I’m the most powerful being in my reality, yet here I am at the mercy of a pasty, ordinary human, who spends his time making a parody series on his computer.”

“Tell me about it,” Shallot responded from next to him, with a bear trap clamped tight around his dick.

Cell vs. Juniper Montage

Perfect Cell stood in the centre of his Cell Games arena; however, this time, he wasn’t alone. The pegasus filly, Cozy Glow, stood a few feet across from him, standing up – albeit awkwardly – on her hind legs, in a martial arts stance.

“HA!” She suddenly screamed out, thrusting her forehooves out in front of her in a dramatic fashion. However, this was followed by nothing but a long, drawn-out silence, with the pegasus not getting the result that she wanted, and the frustration from this and her loss of focus caused the stance that her body was not built for caused her to fall forward on her face.

“Failed again!” Cell called out from the side. “Remember, Ki isn’t like this ‘magic’ that you have in your world, so you have to think differently if you want to use it.”

“Well, you’re not exactly the best teacher when it comes to explaining this ‘Ki’ stuff, and I have plenty of experience with bad teachers,” Cozy replied as she picked herself back up. “This isn’t as easy as you said it would be.”

“Yes it is,” Cell responded immediately. “Even three-year-olds can grasp this. Are you three years old, Cozy?”

“I’m twelve.”

“And I’m six and look at me!” Cell fired back immediately.

Cozy Glow simply had an annoyed look of defeat on her face as she stood back up on four hooves and brushed herself off. “Well, you disappeared a while back and I had no idea where you were, leaving me to try and figure it out on my own,” she tried to rationalise.

“What are you talking about? Since we were teleported back from Equestria, I’ve been here with you this whole time,” Cell replied hastily, in a rushed tone.

His weird reaction caused Cozy to cock an eyebrow in confusion. “Uhhmm, no, you definitely disappeared for awhi...”

“As I said: I have been here. The whole time,” Cell clarified in a completely serious – almost deflecting – and threatening tone of voice.

Cozy Glow instinctively backed off and dropped her questioning. “Uhhmm, right – the whole time,” Cozy replied, looking away awkwardly.

Now starting to calm down once again, Perfect Cell let out a sigh before continuing. “Look, from what you’ve told me of your life story, you already have the manipulative schemer aspect of villainy down, but now you need actual power to back it up so that all of your plans don’t crumble away once your initial plan fails and you’re left surrounded by – from what you’ve told me – I can only assume is the worst military to ever exist, anywhere. Since you apparently can’t use magic as a pegasus, Ki is a good alternative, and the Kamehameha is basically free real estate.”

Suddenly, Cell sensed somebody approaching the arena and turned to see who it was. It was – surprise surprise – a teenage girl, with pale, light grayish olive coloured skin, and green hair tied back in pigtails. She also wore a large pair of glasses on her face, which made her look like a hipster.

“Well, Cozy, looks like your training dummy here, so now you can properly test what you’ve learned. And here I was actually starting to get hopeful that these annoying interruptions were starting to cease.”

“Hi there, my name’s Juniper Montage,” the girl spoke up, waving in the direction of the big, green, bug-man. “I saw your announcement on T.V, and the Twitter following that you got was super impressive, so I figure that if I get a selfie with you and post it on Twitter, that will make me Internet famous and then my uncle will have no choice but to cast me in his movie, and then I can become real famous.” She gushed.

“Another millennial?” Cell then looked back to Cozy Glow again. “Yup, she’s all yours; go ahead and kill her.”

Cozy Glow simply nodded back in affirmation, confident that she would succeed this time. She then stood up straight, balancing on her two back hooves again, as she then brought her two front hooves together. “Ka-Me-Ha-Me-Ha!” She shouted out, aiming her forehooves out towards the human girl in front of her.

Sadly, the result was the same as last time; which is to say, no result.

Seeing this little pony standing up on its hind legs and posing like that made Juniper start gushing over her cuteness. “Oh. My. Gosh. That is the cutest thing I have ever seen.” She then took out her phone. “I totally need a picture of this.”

Cozy huffed in frustration at her failed attempt. Seeing her like this, Cell decided to speak up – ignoring the human girl in front of him completely – to give the pegasus some words of encouragement. “Remember, learning the basics of Ki control comes from your emotions. Now if I were a good guy, I’d say something like, ‘think of something that makes you happy’, but since we’re villains, how about we go the opposite route and you think of something that makes you angry, like say... Twilight Sparkle?”

“Ka-Me-Ha-Me-Ha!” Cozy Glow immediately screamed out, this time unleashing a massive energy blast that completely engulfed the teenage girl in front of her, vaporising her on the spot, before either she or Cell knew what happened.

After the blast had subsided, and the initial euphoria had worn off, Cozy Glow finally realised that she had succeeded in unleashing a massive Ki blast that completely vaporised someone... and she smirked. “Yes, now I have actual power to back up my manipulations! Nobody can stop me! I’m unstoppable! Mwuhahahahahahahahahahahaha!”

Seeing Cozy Glow laugh maniacally to herself, Cell could only stare at her, wide-eyed. “I may have just created a monster,” he deadpanned to himself. A moment later, he simply shrugged. “Eh, no matter. It’s not something I have to worry about.

“Alright, good job, Cozy. Now we’ll move on to your next lesson: after I’ve killed Goku and his friends at the Cell Games, I’m then going to blow up the planet, and then we’ll travel the universe, jumping from planet to planet so that I can test my perfection against the rest of the universe,” he explained. “So to ensure that you’ll be able to keep up, your next lesson will be seeing how long you can hold your breath in space.”

“Haha...” Cozy suddenly halted in her laughter. “Wait wha...” However, before she could finish, Cell quickly grabbed her and threw her upwards, into orbit.

After a few seconds, with Cell simply standing there, frozen in place, with his arms in the same position, he then cracked a smile. “Eh, she’ll be fine.”

Cell vs. Angel Bunny

Cell stood in the centre of the ring, in complete silence, with his arms crossed and his eyes closed. All of a sudden, his Namekian hearing picked up the sound of something entering the ring.

Looking up and over to the source of the sound, he saw that it was a small, white bunny rabbit, which slowly hopped over to the android.

Once the bunny was at his feet, it looked up at Cell, and Cell looked down at it, so that they were both meeting each other’s gaze. The bunny had an angry scowl on its face, while Cell was completely stoic.

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

The bunny then lowered its gaze and kicked Cell a few times before looking back up at him again.

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

The bunny then lowered its gaze and kicked Cell a few more times before looking back up at him again.

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

After a couple of seconds of silence, the bunny simply turned around and hopped away again.

Once the bunny was gone, Cell simply lowered his head and closed his eyes once again.