The Cutie Mark Conundrum

by Jesse Coffey

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Slice of Life
Length: 630

The Cutie Mark Crusaders have found no filly or foal that they couldn't find a cutie mark for. One day a middle-aged mare comes to their door asking for their help: her son is having trouble getting a cutie mark. They discover that her son is in fact a YOUNG STALLION and that he doesn't want a cutie mark, as he feels it is social conformist and is dumb! So the three ponies must not only try and help a Stallion get a cutie mark but also connive him to have one.

Created by Dana Woolery, creative consultant

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2017-05-07 00:22:04 UTC

Chapter 1: The Board Meeting

Hello. I'm Apple Bloom of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. I'm gonna tell this story from my perspective - - - but I CAN share it, can I? Anyway, it all began on May 6, 1969. I'm rolling along with my usual business in Manehattan with my business partner Babs Seed; we've gotten Blooming Seed Productions off the ground nicely and Babs is gonna have one of those new-fangled singer-songwriter sort of albums out soon - I wrote most of the songs on it with Babs of course. I've been meaning to make my first movie as well. My reverie with my usual business was interrupted at about 8:12AM Manehattan time.

That's when the phone started to ring. We surprisingly have such a thing in our tiny office - we hope to get bigger offices soon. Babs heard the phone ringing and picked it up. She then said: "It's for you." I wanted to see who it was, and sure enough it was Sweetie Belle. She wanted me in the office because an old lady had shown up at the Cutie Mark Crusaders office. I told Babs, "I'm off!", gave her some parting greetings and then drove several miles off to Ponyville. I have a fast car and the traffic wasn't particularly heavy that day so . . .

In I was at the clubhouse less than a half-hour later. Sweetie Belle said, "I just bumped into this fascinating old lady - she's, um, 53? - and she has an interesting story to tell us. I thought you would like to hear it."

I said, "All right then . . . let's hear it."

The lady began telling me the following: "Hello. My name is Magdalene M. Morgansky. I am indeed 53 years old; I was born one soft April day in 1916, a time when silent movies were everywhere, the Victrola was all the rage and - - - "

At that point I responded, "GET TO THE STORY ALREADY!"

The old lady and Sweetie Belle were alarmed. "Um, that's not how you talk to an old lady," Sweetie said to me.

"Oh, right, forgot that" I replied.

"Please be more respectful next time. Anyway, what's the story?"

The old lady said "Well, I've got a child and . . . I know this is going to sound awkward but . . . he has no cutie mark."

I said, "No cutie mark? How did this happen?"

She said, "I've known as a little girl that cutie marks were an important part of a pony's life-cycle. Consider that I got mine in the storytelling and singing field. You know that little tune and story 'Three little puppies running in a row' . . . "

Sweetie Belle and I joined her: " . . . 'making a scene where-ever they go' . . . " And Sweetie chimed, "Hey, I remember that from when I was a little filly!"

She said, "I wrote and recorded that way back in 1946. And got my cutie mark for it and all the other stories and songs I've written. And ever since, I've been trying to get my son into having a cutie-mark of his own."

I said, "What happened?"

She said, "It . . . never happened."

Sweetie said "Why?"

She said, "I don't know . . . he seemed like a nice boy and he seemed good at what he wanted to do at a certain time . . . I just don't know. That's why I ask you two to go out and look for my boy and try to do what I couldn't."

Both of us said "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS GO! YAY!" and all three of us shook hooves and left the clubhouse.