Sunset Shimmer: Filthy Hanzo Main

by chillbook1

Rating: teen
Tags: Equestria Girls, Sunset Shimmer, Random, Slice of Life, Rainbow Dash (EqG), Comedy
Length: 2032

Sunset Shimmer mains Hanzo in Overwatch. Rainbow has a problem with that.

There are over 21 Heroes in the sci-fi shooter game Overwatch, each with their own unique abilities, backstories, and merits. Some are good for attacking, some for defending, some for healing, but they are all good for something.

That's what Sunset thinks, anyway. Rainbow Dash wholeheartedly disagrees.

Published 2017-05-07 09:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-05-07 09:50:01 UTC

Ryuu Ga Waga Teki Wo Kurau

“You make me sick!” shouted Rainbow Dash, the righteous fury in her heart almost impossible to put into words. She stared at her supposed friend with a mix of confusion, loathing, and visceral disgust. Sunset pulled her headset off, then turned to Rainbow.

“What?” asked Sunset, genuinely confused. She couldn’t really guess why Rainbow was suddenly so annoyed with her. Up until then, they were having a great time during their weekly Geeky Gamer Girl Friday. It was Rainbow’s idea to start with, a way for them both to blow off steam after a long, hard week of school/saving the world from extradimensional threats. Every Friday, the two would head over to Sunset’s house, Rainbow with her gaming laptop, and the two would spend all of Friday playing games, watching nerdy sci-fi movies, and just generally enjoying a subculture that, based on their appearances, they just didn’t fit with.

On this particular GGGF, their schedule was a stacked card of secret, nerdy pleasure. After missing the last two weeks, due to a combination of excessive schoolwork, owed favors, and Rainbow being grounded for staying out past curfew, the two had decided to set aside Saturday and Sunday to have a special Geeky Gamer Girl Weekend. A movie marathon including the original Star Wars trilogy, Godzilla (the original Japanese film from 1954, as well as the 1985 and 2014 American films), and the Christopher Nolan trilogy of Batman films (none of which being worth watching except for The Dark Knight, as Rainbow would say to anyone who bothered to listen) was planned for Saturday. Sunday was dedicated to to anime; Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid, Keijo!!!, Gurren Lagann, and One Punch Man were all on the menu.

But Friday was all about video games. Street Fighters III and IV, Mortal Kombat X, Smash Brothers, Rocket League, and, most importantly, Overwatch. Rainbow had only introduced Sunset to the futuristic team-based shooter during their last GGGF, and Sunset had fallen in love immediately. In the short two weeks since getting the game, Sunset had climbed to and far past the required level 25 to unlock the game’s Competitive Mode, completed the ten games required to place her in a rank (Gold, with a Skill Rating of 2200), and climbed her way to an SR of 2444 (she was so close to Platinum, she could taste it). Sunset loved every single character in the game, their designs and abilities so diverse and unique, though there was one Hero in particular that Sunset just resonated with.

“You are literally the worst person I’ve ever met,” said Rainbow. She scooped up a handful of popcorn and chucked it at Sunset. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“What? The game didn’t even start yet!” Sunset looked back at her screen to confirm what she already knew; She had a full twenty seconds before the match began. She quickly turned back to her game, getting in position with the rest of her team. “How could I have possibly done something wrong before we’ve started playing.”

“Look at this team! I see Lucio, Reinhardt, Winston, and Soldier. I locked Tracer, and you, you subhuman trash, you play Hanzo!”

Sunset sat with bated breath, waiting for Rainbow to get to the part of the story that made her the worst person ever. Yet, after a considerable pause, Rainbow didn’t say anything else. As the countdown came dangerously close to completion, Sunset was still confused as to what was so bad about that.

“Uh… So?” asked Sunset, immediately running from her team’s spawn point and scaling a nearby wall to gain a vantage point over the enemy team.

“What do you mean, ‘so’?! You picked Hanzo!”

“I like Hanzo!”

“You should’ve picked Ana!”

“But we already have a Healer,” said Sunset. She went silent for a moment, entirely focused on Hanamura’s Defense Point A. She pulled back an arrow in her bow, tracking a Mercy as she floated from her Reinhardt to her Soldier, then let off a shot. The arrow flew through the air, catching the Mercy in the head and killing her immediately with a satisfying Ding! “And, besides, I’m a trash Ana. I like Hanzo.”

“Hanzo is useless!” complained Rainbow. Unlike Sunset, she didn’t need to stop speaking to play at her best; In that short sentence, she Blinked behind the enemy Reinhardt, sprayed his back with her Pulse Pistols, then recalled back to her previous positions to aid her team in finishing off the now-distracted Tank.

“If he’s so useless, how come I’ve killed off their Mercy?” asked Sunset. She went into a silent focus again, then fired two arrows which killed the enemy team’s Symmetra. “And their Symmetra?”

“Luck, luck, it’s all luck! Playing Hanzo is 100% chance!”

“You’re telling me he has no skill involved whatsoever?” Sunset dropped down from her position, flanking around the left to avoid a pesky Soldier who had decided she was too big of a threat to be left alone. “And this is coming from the biggest Pharah apologist I’ve ever met.”

“Pharah is a total skill-based character, and anyone who says otherwise should be burned at the stake,” said Rainbow. She zipped forward, past the enemy team’s defenses and fired at them from the point. “I’m on the objective, by the way, if anyone wants to join me!”

“So you’re telling me that, just because I played a character you don’t like, I’m subhuman garbage?” asked Sunset.

“Yes.”

“I think you’re getting a bit tilted.”

“Look, six consecutive losses due to the enemy team having a goddamn Bastion-Rein-Mercy combo doesn’t change the facts, Shim,” said Rainbow. “And the fact is you are what’s wrong with the Overwatch community!”

“Me?”

“Yes!”

“Not the people who say others with differing opinions should be burned at the stake?” asked Sunset. She noticed a sneaky McCree approaching Rainbow on the objective. “Dash, watch—” It was too late; a quick Flashbang-Fan the Hammer combo later, and Rainbow was dead. What’s worse, Sunset let herself get distracted, and that Soldier that was pestering her earlier sprinted up to her and ended her life with a short spray from his Heavy Pulse Rifle. “Damn. I shouldn’t have let that happen…”

“Sunny, you’re new to the game, so I understand if you don’t get it quite yet,” said Rainbow. “But playing Hanzo is basically throwing the match. It’s the reason you never see one in Comp.”

“But I do see them in Comp. All the time. And they’re no better or worse than any Soldiers or Reapers or Roadhogs I see. So, if I’m good enough—”

“Which you’re not.”

“Then why should it matter who I play? I like Hanzo, so let me play Hanzo!”

The girls had respawned, and quickly ran to rejoin their team at the objective. Sunset wasn’t really bothered by Rainbow’s almost psychotic amount of unjustified anger, knowing this to be a staple of her gaming personality. Still, it was kind of hard for her to wrap her head around that sort of thinking. Sure, nobody likes to lose, but, at the end of the day, it was just a game. A loss every now and then really shouldn’t be such a big deal, not to mention the fact that Sunset thought herself a perfectly competent Hanzo.

“I’ll tell you why it matters, doofus, and I can do it with one word,” said Rainbow. “And that word is ‘team comp’.” Rainbow stopped in her tracks, thinking over what she just said. “Uh… Two words. Whatever, shut up, the point is you suck for playing Hanzo.”

Sunset rolled her eyes, but made no effort to switch Heroes. As far as she was concerned, she was doing just fine as Hanzo. Within a few moments, she racked up three more kills, and helped to capture the objective. She moved on to Point B, ignoring Rainbow’s boos and jeers the whole way. She climbed to another vantage point and immediately found herself locked in a long-range battle with an enemy Widowmaker. After emerging victorious, she had earned her Ultimate Ability. She quickly unmuted her mic to speak with her teammates.

“Hey, Rein, I’ve got a Dragonstrike if you wanna Ult,” said Sunset. “We should be able to take the point fairly easily.”

“Sure,” replied the friendly Reinhardt. “I’m coming back from spawn, give me a minute.”

“Oh, answer me this real quick.” Sunset dropped down and scurried around, looking for a decent place to fire her Dragonstrike arrow. “Am I a scumbag for playing Hanzo?”

“Well, I don’t normally like getting a team with a Hanzo, but you seem to be doing fine,” said Reinhardt. “So I guess it depends on if they’re good. If they’re bad and don’t switch when asked, then I’d call them a scumbag, I guess.”

“Ha! Bite my ass, Rainbow!” shouted Sunset. “You’re the only person who has a problem with it!”

“Asking one random douchebag on the team then assuming that everyone agrees with him is a pretty big assumption,” said Rainbow. “And you know what they say about assuming. It makes a… Wait, I fucked that up…”

“Alright, Hanzo, I’m ready,” said the Reinhardt. He ran up to the point, waiting to get as many enemies together as possible, then used his Ultimate Ability. With a mighty shout of “Hammer down!”, Reinhardt smashed the ground with his massive hammer, sending forward a shockwave that toppled three of the enemies. Sunset quickly aimed and fired her Ultimate.

“Bam, triple kill, Dash!” cheered Sunset. “Play of the Game is as good as mine, baby!”

“Whatever,” said Rainbow, rolling her eyes. “Three kills, and they were luck, luck, and more luck.”

“But luck had us take the point.”

“So you admit it is luck!”

Sunset shook her head, joining her team on the objective to capture the second point and win the first round. There just wasn’t winning where RD was concerned. Sunset muted her mic, then turned to face her friend during the transition from round one to round two.

“Alright, if you’re gonna piss all over my Hero choice, will you at least let me explain why I like Hanzo?” asked Sunset.

“Knock yourself out, Shimmy.”

“Alright, so, I dug into the lore of the game, and I read about Hanzo and his brother. How Hanzo killed Genji and then regretted it. How he fights to restore honor to him and his family.” Sunset sighed, locking in on Hanzo again. “And, you know, even before the fratricide, his family was the yakuza. He wasn’t exactly a great dude to start with. But he’s trying to be better, and he’s doing his best the only way he knows how. I guess I kinda feel like the two of us are kindred spirits. Both bad people who hurt people and want to be better because of it.”

It got quiet for a bit after that. Rainbow stared at her friend, slowly lifting up her can of soda and sipping it awkwardly. She said nothing while she selected her Hero, this time going for the Pharah that Sunset earlier accused her of apologizing for.

“Wow, Shim,” said Rainbow. “I never thought about it like that.”

“Yeah, well, now you know,” said Sunset. She didn’t mind having to explain herself like this, so long as Rainbow understood. “I like all the things I like for a reason.”

“Can I just say something?”

“Sure thing.”

“You’re still an asshole for playing Hanzo.”

There was a long, pregnant, uncomfortable pause as Sunset contemplated her friendship with Rainbow Dash. She recalled how they had become friends, and how close they’ve grown over the course of their GGGFs. She also considered how much she valued that friendship, and if it would be able to survive her punching Rainbow in the face.

“Fuck it,” groaned Sunset. “I’ll just play Widowmaker.”

“Noooo! That’s even worse!”

Author's Note

Full disclosure: If I'm in a comp game with you, and you lock in Hanzo, I immediately give up on winning the game.

Fuller disclosure: I'm training to main Hanzo and Widow exclusively for Season 5 of Competitive.

Don't be like me, kids, learn a Healer.