Two Mares, One Body

Keeping up with me? I know all of this seems a bit boring but don't worry, you'll get what you came for soon. But for now...my long years in the same school are about to unfold. I'm like 4 around this time and by now I slightly stopped feeling like I was watching myself outside my own body. Days like that came and went often. Ready to hear? Come on.

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I was finally in a school where I could grow. There was playtime, coloring, story time, no nap time, and I could finally be myself. I always participated in class and learned a lot. At this time, we learned Spanish using the Muzzy collection (if there's anyone else who used that, please tell me), learned important lessons for children watching Bernie the St. Bernard (another oldie for kids...again if anyone else saw this, let me know), and we even got to watch movies...a lot of movies. There were even gym classes that consisted of swim classes or jogging if the weather was good. Everyday was a joy...until baby teeth started coming out. That was the only time I dread. Sometimes they just wiggled my teeth till they came out, other times they fell out on their own. Actually, one of my teeth came loose when I accidentally but a plum seed popped out about a month later when I was eating Pringles. Another popped out about two months later because I kept playing with it. I was one of the lucky kids who didn't get their teeth pulled by someone who slammed a door after tying a string to the loose tooth. Though I did dread possibly going through that. Life went on for me and I grew up a bit more.

Remember in the previous chapter how I said that my mother was a single parent and I never asked about my dad? Well it was around this time that I finally met him. And if you're wondering my nationality, my mother is Southern and my father is Caribbean...I simply say African American due to my duo-toned skin (the underneath of my upper arms is lighter than the rest of me...which is evident by a slightly visible line between the two tones). But back on track, my father actually took me on a trip to see when he grew up and it was here that I was told that I have a sister. Not just one, but 5 sister as well as 3 brothers. All half siblings of course. So far I've only met 3 sisters and 1 brother, but I'm content with that. Life was looking up for me because I also gained a step-father too and I couldn't be happier. I also had a twin too. Well not biological, she's my cousin and we've pretty much grown up together. Though, when it came to her, let's just say we were opposites in school.

While my twin and I were close, others didn't really like it. For some reason, she was the popular one and I was the outcast. People would just come in and interrupt our conversations and leave me all alone. I never understood why...and to this day, still don't understand. But the bullying didn't stop there. You see, I have a very high fear of snakes and my classmates took that to their advantage. It didn't matter what it was: a toy, live, a picture, a video, a stuffed animal...if it was a snake, I was afraid of it. Someone was invited to the school to talk about and show us a live snake. The moment I saw it, I jumped out of my seat and ran away. We also went on a trip somewhere and the same thing happened again. With nowhere to really go, I ran and hid behind a teacher, almost balling my eyes out. Even on trips to the zoo, my classmates wold try dragging me, kicking and screaming, into the reptile house. Needless to say, I started to withdraw myself from others. While I did make some friends, if I could call them that, my twin was my only true friend as she was the only one who understood me. When she would try being around me more, my bullies became more determined. Verbal abuse hurts more than physical abuse. I became known as the *weird girl who sits in the corner and talks to herself** simply because I wanted to be alone and was always quiet. I didn't mind as long as I wasn't someone's punching bag.*

Around this time, I was a dancer in church. But even that didn't mean I was away from bullies. The daughters of the choreographer often felt the need to bully me any way they could. Be it just yelling at me because I was in their way or broadcasting things I talked about with my twin. It dawned on me that I simply couldn't trust anyone fully. It got so bad that I just quit dancing, but not completely since my school did have a dance class. My teachers noticed that I was a talented writer and would sometimes ask me to share my writing. Just some simple poetry and short stories, nothing too big. Writing was my escape from reality. But it came knocking hard all the time. One time all the young girls in my church spent the night because the adults thought it was a good idea. For me, the fun died fast. It was late and I was tired, so I curled up in my step-dad's sleeping bag and just drifted off...only to be woken up by someone. But opening my eyes wasn't an option as some girls thought it would be a fun idea to smear toothpaste and baby powder all over my face and hair. When I tried opening my eyes, I screamed like I was about to be murdered. I was quickly taken to the bathroom to wash my face and then didn't sleep the rest of the night.

Eventually though, I had hoped things would look up since I started to feel a little important. My school did annual productions of different things. And for one such play, I had a lead role with a solo and everything. Since my mother and aunt were in the choir, I thought singing was just in our genes and tried it out. All of the practices went well, but on the day of the actual performance, my voice cracked during my solo! I more or less blamed the fact that we all had to both sing and dance for the performance. My voice was simply spent. And that once little mistake was just something else I could be bullied for. Pretty soon, unable to take it, I finally started standing up for myself and lashing out at my tormentors. No one accounted for that and were more or less stunned that I found my voice. It didn't stop them, but now I could handle my bullying problem...without resorting to violence. But things were looking up. I was finally graduating the 8th grade, and a lot of my bullies had disappeared at this point due to different reasons. I figured things would look up more. I was going to high school and growing up more. Though I was still timid, I figured I was going to leave everything behind and have those fun high school experiences you see in movies. But, with my life, nothing came easy.

Finally, the high school years. Now you would think Lotus came first...but you're wrong. Lily came first. And now you'll know why.