Author's Note
Benman and (I think) Midnightshadow got the bright idea to do this during season 3. A few other people helped early on, including me and kits, but we only got about half of season 1 done, then it lost steam after a few days and sat there for years untouched. I always felt bad about letting it languish, and of the original contributors, I’m the only one still around, so I went ahead and filled in the rest, with a little help from Themaskedferret, Corejo, and Dubs Rewatcher.
I’m going to stick to Benman’s original intentions as best I can, which involves making some judgment calls. So if you’re wondering why some episodes are missing, some are done in a different style than others, or need help deciphering who some of the characters are, then this is the place for you! Otherwise, proceed in an orderly fashion past the author’s note, with your sanity mostly intact.
Benman filled in most of the season 1 titles, leaving space for someone to write a synopsis, but he left some titles out, namely the ones that had no friendship letter at the end, and all of the synopses were written in the form of a friendship letter. So I ran with the idea that we were only going to handle friendship reports that were done in a formal sort of way and mirror how they were done.
For seasons 1, this means reports to Celestia. They may have been delivered to her via letter (whether the episode explicitly gives us the text of the letter, someone is shown writing a letter based on the day’s moral, even if we don’t hear its contents voiced, or Twilight says she’s going to write a letter) or spoken to her in person, often not by Twilight. They’ll be done in the same style corresponding to the episode, so a letter for a letter, a letter with no salutation for a letter implied to have been written, or a summary for an oral report. They’re also parallels to the actual lessons, so if it’s stated very tersely, it’ll be very short here, and an elaborate one (especially from the published diary) gets a much longer treatment. In seasons 2 and 3, the same format continues, except that Twilight’s often not the one writing the letters, but otherwise, the same rules apply. Any episodes that don’t have some sort of formal report like this were skipped.
In season 4, the friendship lessons were entered into the diary instead, and there was a real book published that contained all those entries, but each was lengthened quite a bit, and a number of episodes had multiple entries by different characters. In the spirit of completeness, I followed the text of those from the book instead of the short ones from the show, but as I investigated further, there are actually a ton of additional friendship lessons from the other published books, comics, etc., which are more and more tangential to the show. So I had to draw the line somewhere. Anyway, these are the meatiest of the run, since they were the most detailed ones from canon material.
For seasons 5 and 6, I only did the episodes where the cutie map assigned missions, since those were the only formalized lessons.
Some people involved in the project have expressed interest in filling in the rest of the episodes, but since they wouldn’t need to be a formal lesson and wouldn’t have to take the format of a letter, journal entry, or whatever, I’ll collect those in another chapter if and when it happens. I’ll also add any episodes from continuing seasons that fit my criteria.
If you’re having trouble figuring any out or just want to see a cast of characters, here are all the names used:
Princess Horse (Princess Celestia)
Co-Princess Horse (Princess Luna)
Potato Horse (Applejack)
Red Party Horse (Pinkie Pie)
Color Fast Horse (Rainbow Dash)
Clothing Horse (Rarity)
Quiet Mouse Horse (Fluttershy)
Sparkle Book Horse (Twilight Sparkle)
Scaled Purple Not-Horse (Spike)
Big Potato Horse (Big Macintosh)
Small Potato Horse (Apple Bloom)
Old Potato Horse (Granny Smith)
Loud Czarist Horse (Trixie)
Capitalist Bird Friend (Gilda)
Local People’s Socialist Leader (Mayor Mare)
Striped Sort-of Horse (Zecora)
Official Socialist Bird (Philomena)
Small Squeaky Horse (Sweetie Belle)
Armored Green Not-Horse (Tank)
Small Defective Horse (Scootaloo)
Anarchist Chimera (Discord)
Bacon Once-Horse (Sunset Shimmer)
Swarovski Princess Horse (Princess Cadence)
Yellow Party Horse (Cheese Sandwich)
Rock Horse Rock of Rocks (Maud Pie)
Capitalist Market Bull (Tirek)
Overzealous Commune Horse (Starlight Glimmer)
Vyatkagrad (Ponyville)
Canterburg (Canterlot)
Oblakovsk (Cloudsdale)
Democratic Horses Republic of Swarovksi (The Crystal Empire)
One last note: another motivation for finally getting this finished was hearing Captain Unstoppable do his Russian accent during the OC characters panel at BronyCon in 2016. I hope he enjoys this.
The Friendship Reports
Season 1
Ticket Master:
Comrade Princess Horse,
I learn that friendship is meaning sharing. When I have many potato but friends not have potato, am sad. Although I am grateful for gift of potato from Comrade Princess Horse, I cannot take. Now all tiny horse friends are comrades in hunger.
Comrade Sparkle Book Horse
Applebuck Season:
Comrade Princess Horse,
Today am learning friendship. Comrade Potato Horse is good tiny horse, but is want do all work alone. In friendship, we are help tiny horse in working for glory of all Soviet horse.
Comrade Sparkle Book Horse
Griffon the Brush Off:
Comrade Princess Horse,
Today Comrade Color Fast Horse is spend time with capitalist bird friend. Comrade Red Party Horse is send bird friend to gulag, where she will learn true meaning of friendship.
Comrade Sparkle Book Horse
Boast Busters:
Comrade Princess Horse,
Today Loud Czarist Horse bring ruin upon tiny horse collective with royalist speech. Am learning that magic is belong to all comrade horses and not to be hoarded. Loud Czarist Horse is run into woods to be eaten by bear.
Comrade Sparkle Book Horse
Dragonshy:
Comrade Princess Horse,
Quiet Mouse Horse cower by self, need be part of glorious Party get confidence. Only as one we working, living, fending off great dragon of capitalism.
Comrade Sparkle Book Horse
Look Before You Sleep:
Comrade Princess Horse,
Potato Horse also Clothing Horse no get along. Have spend night in mine own personal gulag. But all friends learn is celebrating difference by conforming so is no difference. Much friendship is having now.
Comrade Sparkle Book Horse
Bridle Gossip:
Comrade Princess Horse,
Today, Party meet new Striped Sort-of Horse. They no trust new tiny horse. They judge! But is they allowed to? Nyet! Only Comrade Princess Horse judge, and all are judged equally in eye of Glorious Leader.
Comrade Sparkle Book Horse
Swarm of the Century:
Many problems in Vyatkagrad. Many, many problems. Though solution come from everywhere, and nowhere expecting. All tiny horse friends is good at solution. All different, yes? Nyet. Everypony plays part for the Motherland.
Winter Wrap Up:
Comrade Princess Horse,
I try acting on self, but Comrade Potato Horse is tell no magic, Vyatkagrad no need magic help. We do tradition way, is better, I find fitting place when obey mandate of Local People’s Socialist Leader and organize all workers.
Comrade Sparkle Book Horse
Call of the Cutie:
Comrade Princess Horse,
Small Potato Horse is finding all horse different, is cause stress. Only when accept best difference is sameness she learn proper place in glorious Party, realize how well she fit in.
Comrade Sparkle Book Horse
Fall Weather Friends:
Why must compete? All horse is better when finish together, no horse win, no horse lose. As one, we all glorious victory.
Suited For Success:
Comrade Princess Horse,
Clothes Horse learn that individual taste cause argument, better when one authority decide for all workers for glory of Party. When thoughtful turnip bestowed by state, no questioning.
Comrade Sparkle Book Horse
Feeling Pinkie Keen:
Comrade Princess Horse,
Sometimes Red Party Horse like glorious socialist leaders: workers not understanding, but leaders always right anyway. Good workers trust, obey. Accepting make us all strong, lead us to prosperous future.
Comrade Sparkle Book Horse
Sonic Rainboom:
Color Fast Horse is credit to motherland. Even when small horse, is good to make vast contribution to all tiny horses with great athletic prowess. All Tiny Horse group is made benefit by strength of Color Fast Horse and all Soviet Horse be made strong in service to Glorious Leader.
Stare Master:
Quiet Mouse Horse find she step outside of normal duties to state, have crisis. Silly horse, know must stay to assigned task! But having new idea for mind control weapons against capitalist and czarist foreigners.
Comrade Sparkle Book Horse
A Dog and Pony Show:
Clothing Horse go to spread word of Soviet state, need aid to subdue capitalist pigdogs. But Clothing Horse strong enough in glorious service to state! Seeming weak opponent, but all horse worker same dangerous! All horse worker same everything.
Comrade Sparkle Book Horse
Green Isn't Your Color:
Comrade Princess Horse,
Comrade Clothing Horse make good fashion. Quiet Mouse Horse is much popular in fashion wearing. Together, they keep secret from each other. This no good. Today, we learn secret is bad for all Soviet horses and Red Party Horse is suspect of anti-Communist secret. Am investigate at later time.
Comrade Sparkle Book Horse
Over a Barrel:
Comrade Princess Horse,
Today am learn even capitalist can be friend, once learn to share like good socialist. Then they no longer capitalist! Is all one glorious society! When enemy is willing admit you right, is always possible friendship.
Comrade Sparkle Book Horse
A Bird in the Hoof:
Quiet Mouse Horse is try to do things herself without ask, but silly horse! Need permission to deal with Official Socialist Bird. Need permission for everything, else gulag, or imprisonment, or imprisonment where gulag.
The Cutie Mark Chronicles:
Comrade Princess Horse,
Comrades all take dangerous capitalist turn, want be individual, but oh ho! Not so fastly! Talent all one after all, together, as one for glory of state, and was long before comrades ever united in most satisfying work.
Comrade Sparkle Book Horse
Owl's Well That Ends Well:
Comrade Princess Horse,
New worker to cover night shift. Glory! But what is? I unhappy with lot in life. Bring shame to collective. All work is for Party, yes? No having competition, misguided not-horse! Is all for good of ponies everywhere. Da. I having knowledge. All work as one for glory of Party now! Is extra turnip for all tonight!
Scaled Purple Not-Horse
Party of One:
Comrade Princess Horse,
Am writing from second best party. Red Party Horse has taught valuable friendship lesson. Friends will give you best, never worst, because worst is violation of law. All horse given opportunity work most diligently. Can be calling off raid now.
Comrade Sparkle Book Horse
The Best Night Ever:
All is disaster, yes? When all friend go off individual-style, cataclysm! All come together, workers unite! Is room in Party for all. Shrewd Comrade Princess Horse set trap, but we all conform! Is not lie, we conform!
Season 2
Lesson Zero:
Comrade Princess Horse,
Today we learning every member of Party remain vigilant for capitalist infiltration, must trust each horse find small problem before it become big problem, then require raiding parties root out capitalist sympathizers! No need here, we believe friend! No send raiding party!
Comrade Potato Horse
Comrade Quiet Mouse Horse
Comrade Color Fast horse
Comrade Clothing Horse
Comrade Red Party Horse
Luna Eclipsed:
Comrade Princess Horse,
Best thing friend can do is instruct glory of socialist Party! Your own sister, she doubt! But no longer. All horses of Vyatkagrad learn, is better indoctrinate than run around screaming “capitalist sympathizer!” Silly horses! Comrade Co-Princess Horse now one of us.
Comrade Sparkle Book Horse
Sisterhooves Social:
Comrade Princess Horse,
I and sister Small Squeaky Horse learn sister means work, but worth it get dirty, since work means get dirty, da? And not just sister. Everything take work, so sisters no different. Now must get back to work.
Comrade Clothing Horse
The Cutie Pox:
Comrade Princess Horse,
Waiting for rewards hard, but work is own reward, da? Shortcut never work, because is less work. Simple, but hard for me to learn, but I will join collective. All horse do.
Comrade Small Potato Horse
May the Best Pet Win!:
Comrade Princess Horse,
I badly underestimate usefulness of pet. Not fast, but Armored Green Not-Horse have strong defense, good stamina. And thinking that make good warrior! Have weaponized further as aerial threat.
Comrade Color Fast Horse
The Mysterious Mare Do Well:
I learn is good to show humility when successful. But is good to share success with all workers. One shine too bright, will attract attention from Socialist Party, is no good for any horse. Keep quiet and eat turnip.
Comrade Color Fast Horse
Sweet and Elite:
I realize great socialist nation shape all horse, determine who they are. This never change, no matter where horse go, no matter what horse do. Is best accept this and make other horse accept, too.
Comrade Clothing Horse
Secret of My Excess:
Comrade Princess Horse,
I fall for capitalist lies, so ashamed. Want things, more things, but only get more unhappy. Must sharing, communal property. Only then being friends, renouncing capitalist ways.
Comrade Scaled Purple Not-Horse
Baby Cakes:
Comrade Princess Horse,
I learn responsibility is serious. Like adult watch infant horses, so glorious leaders watch over all horses, and I never consider difficult task Comrade Princess Horse do. We regret ambition. Please give further orders.
Comrade Red Party Horse
The Last Roundup:
Comrade Princess Horse,
I not win, but is okay. Only one winner, rest all finish second together. Is no shame in such equality. All friends and family stand with you. Unless one of them is winner.
Comrade Potato Horse
The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000:
Comrade Princess Horse,
I learn nothing. Workers’ collective already correct. Whether automation or no, is not matter. Was this foolish test? Is no question of Potato Family’s loyalty to Party! We still have best vodka.
Comrade Potato Horse
Read It and Weep:
Color Fast Horse prefer physical work, think brainy egghead work better for brainy egghead. But silly horse! Is no less smarter than other horse! All horse same. Now like read, go study Party literature.
A Friend in Deed:
Comrade Princess Horse,
I learn friends like different things, but all friends like one thing: unity in glorious Party. Make all friends smile. Is always good to remind them so they stay friends.
Comrade Red Party Horse
Putting Your Hoof Down:
Comrade Princess Horse,
I discover is best not stand out. Can contribute in own way by fitting in, doing glorious Party work without making scene. Is best for all horse.
Comrade Quiet Mouse Horse
Dragon Quest:
Comrade Princess Horse,
I have trouble fitting in. Is capitalist at heart? Oh woe! But horse friends help. Is making me live as worker in collective, is best way. Vyatkagrad living best place, so clear now. Would not ever be subversive capitalist element, nyet!
Comrade Scaled Purple Not-Horse
Hurricane Fluttershy:
Comrade Princess Horse,
I am find it take all workers to achieve goal. One not contribute full effort, all fail, all fault of one who shirk. Will not make mistake again.
Comrade Quiet Mouse Horse
Ponyville Confidential:
Small Potato Horse, Small Squeaky Horse, and Small Defective Horse try write news, but is not knowing what proper news! Not official Party news, so disruptive! Many apologies, begging forgiveness!
MMMystery on the Friendship Express:
Comrade Princess Horse,
I learn must trust state for facts. When assuming own facts, is wrong. Not have experience of glorious Party leaders, not knowing truth. Party police force always arrest guilty horse, will submit to their questioning. Even if friends guilty, then not real friends. They go away.
Comrade Red Party Horse
Season 3
Too Many Pinkie Pies:
Comrade Princess Horse,
I wish to make friends with all workers. How to decide? But all workers same, da? One is friend, all is friends. Glory!
Comrade Red Party Horse
Apple Family Reunion:
Comrade Princess Horse,
I find that all workers like family. None stand out, so why go to extra effort? No horse remember anyway. Enough to spend time together in shared devotion to state.
Comrade Potato Horse
Keep Calm and Flutter On:
Quiet Mouse Horse treat Anarchist Chimera like any other worker, and he soon fall into line. No more chaotic ways, just realizing he like being worker as all rest of horse are. This happen quickly, of course, with Comrade Princess Horse standing right there. He have genuine remorse.
Magical Mystery Cure:
Sparkle Book Horse find that power lie with workers. Without so many worker friends, would never have become Adjutant to Comrade Princess Horse. But not all workers can do. In fact, none. All stay workers. Will issue orders shortly.
Equestria Girls:
Glorious Party have expanded to new universe. Is no leaving it. Party is everywhere! Bacon Once-Horse can join or remain powerless. Choose now.
Season 4
Castle Mane-ia:
Party Manifesto,
Must now record findings so maybe future young socialists have knowledge. Is find friends help, but is point of communism, nyet? Why is need to become Adjutant to Comrade Princess Horse to realize? They already knowing, so I know can be done!
Comrade Sparkle Book Horse
Party Manifesto,
Old Potato Horse tell lie, try scare, but friends have good grounding in Party doctrine, help see through capitalist deception. Is all good now.
Comrade Potato Horse
Daring Don’t:
Party Manifesto,
I have fun, but then not-fun. Why? New friend have higher Party official status, and I forget: I can high glory too! And with old friends help, we claim glorious victory! Masses always having right idea.
Comrade Color Fast Horse
Flight to the Finish:
Party Manifesto,
Oh woe! If only body work, could soar to glory of Party! But nyet. Color Fast Horse say more than one form of glory, and I have understand. No fly, no can see Motherland reach to edge of world, but can still inform on capitalist sympathizer neighbors. Maybe that my true passion, and Color Fast Horse not give up on me. I keep eye on Small Potato Horse and Small Squeaky Horse, and at least can carry flag for real athletes.
Comrade Small Defective Horse
Bats!:
Party Manifesto,
Quiet Mouse Horse think she have answer, but I say nyet! She say nyet too, but I win. Should have listened, as we make her use mind-control weapon, end up losing many potato to capitalist hoarders. Quiet Mouse Horse so intimidated, she become one too! But all right now. I learn okay to say nyet. But not to Party. No say nyet to Party. Ever.
Comrade Potato Horse
Rarity Takes Manehattan:
Party Manifesto,
Is find too many capitalists in big city. Not surprise. All horse take advantage of me, but is not lose heart! I give anyway, and they all learn, but police help them learn. But I realize I take advantage of friends too! They helping, but not share in success, but I fix. All work, all get tasty turnip! And glad to return to Vyatkagrad, fewer capitalists. Will help keep eye on capitalist sympathizers. Except sister Small Squeaky Horse. Small Defective Horse watching her too close.
Comrade Clothing Horse
Pinkie Apple Pie:
Party Manifesto,
I renew work assignment on potato farm!
Comrade Red Party Horse
Party Manifesto,
Potato Family is best! Though Old Potato Horse only one survive food shortage many year ago, we still love Party and farm many potato. Potato Horse and Big Potato Horse all agree on glorious motherland. Also learn not make plans, trust in Party. Now that adventure!
Comrade Small Potato Horse
Party Manifesto,
We start commune long ago, and though different workers toil and sweat and die here, all become same eventually. All become one to glory of Party. Never forget. Only way I live this long.
Comrade Old Potato Horse
Party Manifesto,
Daaaaaaaaaa!
Comrade Big Potato Horse
Party Manifesto,
Is learn no family perfect, but can inform on them! That make family perfect and can ascend in Party too! All bad things, even capitalist infiltration lead to good! But I forgive if recant quickly. Is what family is for. I guess would forgive friends too.
Comrade Potato Horse
Party Manifesto,
Potato farm is best! I loving being part of this commune!
Comrade Red Party Horse
Rainbow Falls:
Party Manifesto,
Finally training with Hooflympic team is dream come true! But is train wrong way! Wanting glory for self, not motherland! Shame! Not deserving injections, but I go along with them firstly, not keeping Party doctrine in heart. But in time, I screw head on right. Friends mean more, even though they drag us down in defeat, but we lose as commune, not win as individuals. Is better. I think.
Comrade Color Fast Horse
Three’s a Crowd:
Party Manifesto,
Only wanted nice, relaxing workday with sister-in-law. Ever since brother manage to marry high Party official, wanting to find time to bribe her for extra potato ration, but never happen! Vodka shortage here, turnip famine there, endless crisis!
Finally, we go see Stall-In exhibit, but nyet! Is Anarchist Chimera with fake “Red White and Blue Flu” send us look for giant poppy. He says make him feel better, but find only czarist snake!
But have fun anyway! Still spend day with Swarovski Princess Horse. And get extra potato ration.
Comrade Sparkle Book Horse
Pinkie Pride:
Party Manifesto,
I loyal to Party. No question of that. No question. But is someone else more loyal? Yellow Party Pony from ally nation inspire workers at potato farm more! But if more work for him, I know is good for Party. But then! I is thinking why not both of us? We make farm work even harder still! I never more proud at number of workers drop from exhaustion!
Comrade Red Party Horse
Simple Ways:
Party Manifesto,
I think friends like me more if capitalist, big nyet-nyet! True friends like me for me, and after all effort starting workers’ rally, I hope inspector find me dangerous.
Friends only like member of glorious Party, though. Should have known. Never try be capitalist. As such good Party member as I, capitalism should be crime! Actually, is crime.
Comrade Clothing Horse
Filli Vanilli:
Party Manifesto,
All horse not knowing this, but I is prefer be part of large, faceless workforce. Is not like speak against Party or speak to stranger or speak at all.
But alone, I having great thoughts of glorious Party, make me sing. Is good, da? Not so good. Is too hard sing in front of other workers, making me run and hide in bomb shelter. Even worse than confront capitalist dragon!
But if stay hidden, nohorse know is me, can sing of glory of Party according to heart, and all horse will love as much as I. I still scared to sing when workers know is me, even though should know better.
Fear no let me glorify Party, but who would laugh anyway? Laugh at song honoring motherland, get sent to gulag. So no longer afraid!
Comrade Quiet Mouse Horse
Twilight Time:
Party Manifesto,
Sparkle Book Horse no longer threatening to brand us capitalist sympathizers if we write entry to glory of Party. So glory to Party! Is thought we could get extra turnip because we knowing important Party official, but is mean other child laborers get less turnip! Then we go hungry so rest of children go little less hungry. Is better, we all hungry together.
Comrade Small Squeaky Horse
It Ain’t Easy Being Breezies:
Party Manifesto,
Little socialist moths disrupted by single propaganda flyer! Is not meaning! So cute in little indoctrination, but can so easily be hurt by mistake!
Comrade Scaled Purple Not-Horse
Party Manifesto,
I always loving to bring innocent creatures into conformity with Party. They wanting stay in glorious motherland, and who would not want? Not so easy make them leave.
But motherland needing puppet state, and Party loyalty take many form. Make them suffer hardship to take socialist doctrine home better for all. Except them.
Comrade Quiet Mouse Horse
Somepony to Watch Over Me:
Party Manifesto,
Is always big sister to Small Potato Horse. All must keep her safe from capitalist influence. Is not job ever completed but is duty prescribed by state. In writing.
But she grow wise due to good school indoctrination, and now she learn so much! Not long, I will be proud member work party she organize, and even when she send me off to work camp, she always little sister.
Comrade Potato Horse
Maud Pie:
Party Manifesto,
Friend of friend not always friend of you, da? Can be unfortunate truth.
Rock Horse Rock of Rocks so different from sister Red Party Horse, and we just not care about rocks. Is not turnip or potato! But this making Red Party Horse very sad. Like being caught between secret police and other secret police.
But then realize! We all love socialist Party. Rock Horse Rock of Rocks love socialist Party. We all love same thing! That is only thing needed.
Comrade Sparkle Book Horse
For Whom the Sweetie Belle Toils:
Party Manifesto,
I is needing write again? Woe! I try organize youth rally for glory of Party, but sister Clothing Horse make such nice uniforms, upstage me! Is hard to gain notice Party officials when sister so prominent.
But same true of Co-Princess Horse, nyet? Princess Horse is face of Party, have picture on money, and jealously once got Co-Princess Horse sentenced gulag. But once she realizing she run secret police, more worker fear her, no horse think less of her. Or they get arrested. So I do same! I enjoy sister’s talent while reporting unloyal horse to secret police. Is wonderful when both sister love Party!
Comrade Small Squeaky Horse
Leap of Faith:
Party Manifesto,
When Old Potato Horse new medicine, she act like young horse again! Is joy to see, but not joy fall for capitalist pig fake medicine, make money from poor worker.
But what do? Old Potato Horse happy, more productive worker, and I want be happy for her! But longer I not tell truth, more money in capitalist pig pockets. Now I part of lie too and let go on too long.
Hard to tell Old Potato Horse when truth will upset her, but as soon as I expose capitalist plot, she want no part. Immediately call secret police! Was right choice, even if Old Potato Horse now under care of official Party doctor with severely ration medicine allotment. Will all be okay. Da.
Comrade Potato Horse
Testing Testing 1, 2, 3:
Party Manifesto,
Color Fast Horse is not know history of glorious Party! How this go unprosecuted so long? It okay. I teach. But normal method not work. I try punishment and yelling, but she no learn until find other way, through self-paced learning.
Too individual, not like all other Party member, but still learn glorious history, so… is good thing? I am torn.
Comrade Sparkle Book Horse
Party Manifesto,
Learning history of military conquest hard! Da, for glory of Party and all that, but who care when old stuffy general annex griffon lands 537 years ago?
Ooh, I remember that! Is work!
Still, I am good soldier! Why need know about past when can fight now?
But Sparkle Book Horse right. All worker have duty know Party history, and when I have privilege fight and die for Party, good know why. And now I learn! So when hiding in foxhole, will take comfort in knowing stuffy old general annex griffon lands 537 years ago.
Comrade Color Fast Horse
Trade Ya!:
Party Manifesto,
Now have learned glorious Party history, wanted valuable book about hero fighting on behalf Party. How excitement! Worth so much more than authentic battle-used combat boot, military-issue tin cup, glorious Party leader statue, or bear on leash. But not worth more than fellow worker.
Glad I realize before too late! If I have full encyclopedia of Party history but no fellow worker, then is not commune! Fellow Party members worth more than complete book set.
Every horse here have much to trade, from potato to other potato. But I never trade any thing for good worker.
Comrade Color Fast Horse
Inspiration Manifestation:
Party Manifesto,
I would do anything for Clothing Horse, even if she tell me convert to capitalism. But she won’t, so is no problem! So when she feel like her design not so good for state, I help. But she make awful, gaudy things, too individual. If I tell her, maybe she get angry and tell secret police I hoard gems. Finally I see this not glorify state at all and must tell, even if risk exile.
And all turn out fine! She realize mistake. Must tell friend when they not work for benefit state, and they will agree. Unless she ask me share gems all workers. Just her. She get one.
Comrade Scaled Purple Not-Horse
Equestria Games:
Party Manifesto,
Hooflympic Games wonderful! But I so worried I not enjoy athletes compete for favor of Party and spread glory to other nations. Workers of Democratic Horses Republic of Swarovski still think I hero for inspiring to find joy in work again, from old totalitarian regime to new totalitarian regime.
So they ask I light ceremonial flame. Easy for not-horse with passion of Party in heart, da? Nyet? I could not light flame in honor of Party, for shame. Only make me try harder and harder, but when mind not on right things, only make problem worse.
But when experimental ice weapon malfunction, I find flame to save assembled workers. Even make to rain on potato crop! Then all workers of DHRS again say hero. Not hero, though, only doing what is good for socialist Party.
Just because workers say hero not make hero. Horse (and not-horse) can feel bad for not having right inspiration in heart and think good deed not so good.
So, must not live in past with what I do for Party before. Only think about what do for Party in future!
Comrade Scaled Purple Not-Horse
Twilight’s Kingdom:
Party Manifesto,
Socialist Party once again solve all problem! Friends all symbolize devotion to Party, but once Party emblems gone, what to do? Party Manifesto contain all I need, though. Friends entered own lessons on proper procedure.
I not knowing this by self, however. Anarchist Chimera point out which entries made most persuasive arguments. Friends had already given me what I need! They all know so much doctrine. Five good arguments, all ready to convince ignorant foe.
But not quite there! One more needed, one from me. While I learning small lessons, not making one huge refutation of capitalism, though. If I not doing something, Capitalist Market Bull take over! He even get Anarchist Chimera on his side.
I stick by Party. Even Anarchist Chimera. I give up all Party authority and embrace Anarchist Chimera as friend, because even anarchy preferable to capitalism. This hardest task I ever do, but was right.
That final argument! Glory! When Capitalist Market Bull see even anarchy better, he renounce capitalist ways. But I send to gulag anyway.
Ever since I become Adjutant to Comrade Princess Horse, I not knowing role. Just inspire workers and look important? It be more, Nyet! I find DA! Is role to stamp out capitalism wherever it grow, so Princess Horse not waste time away from fine caviar and borscht.
I finally prove to self, love of socialist Party was always in heart! I can spread across all motherland. Is my role, and I accept gladly.
And in true Party fashion, I delegate. Not needing do myself, can have friends do for me. If they do, we remaining friends.
Comrade Sparkle Book Horse, Adjutant to Comrade Princess Horse
Rainbow Rocks:
Comrade Sparkle Book Horse,
Is hard to spread socialist ideals in new world, and I missing you. Now that friends see truth of Party doctrine, they teaching me, but still much to learn. Please if giving me advice sometimes when need it, and maybe someday I return from gulag.
Comrade Bacon Once-Horse
Season 5
The Cutie Map:
Mission have unexpected side effect. Studying Party literature not always best way. Engage in fellowship with worker comrades, all unique. And unique make them all special to me! What so unique? All conform to Party doctrine in own way. Many ways to be same! Not all same way to be same! Silly Overzealous Commune Horse not know this, but would not have become Adjutant to Comrade Princess Horse if not knowing. She have good idea but take it too far.
Sparkle Book Horse
The Lost Treasure of Griffonstone:
Strategic Map find capitalist stronghold in catbird city. All wanting gold, will not even tell simple story without pay. Is typical! But mission instruct them in fellowship with coworkers. Throw gold down deepest pit, work together, all proof of superiority Socialist Party! Is needing only each other. And love of Party. That too.
Red Party Horse
Color Fast Horse
Made in Manehattan:
Mission to put on propaganda play successful, but also is success in learn us! If Adjutant to Comrade Princess Horse order Party resources, problem solved, immediate! But then workers not find each one make small contribution, all add up. Is whole point of Communism, what wrong with them? But they learn now, and not necessary to disturb Adjutant Comrade Sparkle Book Horse in her nice office.
Potato Horse
Clothing Horse
The Hooffields and McColts:
Mission to defuse conflict in mountain region is success. Is not even remember why fighting start, but win argument not important when both sides in service to same Party. They forget, but wasting ammunition Comrade Princess Horse wish to stockpile not good idea. Quickly realize best avoid Party wrath. Now all under peaceful, watchful eye of military logistics.
Quiet Mouse Horse
Sparkle Book Horse
Season 6
Spice Up Your Life:
Mission to debunk uppity rabble-rouser success. Only Princess Horse get tell workers what think. They can decide for self what potato taste best, and if they wrong, Party will correct them. Simple matter.
Clothing Horse
Red Party Horse
Viva Las Pegasus:
Raid on capitalist gambling hideout was victory! Of course Party wisdom can use capitalism against self. Own employees accept bribes and turn in ringleader. Then employees also arrested for fraud. Was good mission.
Potato Horse
Quiet Mouse Horse
Top Bolt:
Sedition in military demonstration team rooted out. Some cadets want be star, others want hide behind comrades. Not Party way! All stand in line, same as rest. No spotlight, no shadow. All reflect light of Party same, and sooner military see that, sooner they make workers obey, too. At gunpoint.
Color Fast Horse
Sparkle Book Horse
