I Have Never Met The Main Cast, Nor Do I Want To

by Dunglord

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Human, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1176

I just want to be a janitor, away from action, and far, far away from Ponyville.

Despite being a brony, I have never met the main cast of the show, despite having lived in Equestria for a decent amount of time. Instead, I'm working as a janitor in Manehattan, keeping my distance from the main characters of Friendship is Magic.

I blame EternityFlame for making me write this, direct all hate towards him.

Published 2017-05-08 18:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-05-08 18:20:01 UTC

Princesses? Cleaning floors? Only one of them pays me.

Author's Note

A/N: This is all EternityFlame’s fault, blame him.

Princesses? Cleaning floors? Only one of them pays me.

I stared down at the bucket below me, which was slowly filling up with cleaning fluid. There I was, standing inside of one of the various janitor's closets in this large building, all of which were too short for me, forcing me to hunch over so that I could fit inside.

Before I came into this world, I was a brony. Even though I had never seen season six or seven, I was still a brony. I watched the show, read the fics, heard the music, and even bought the toys, no matter how much I wanted to deny it: I was a brony. I came to terms with it though, but not long after I died in a car crash.

Cliche, I know. But I’m not going to be the one to fight fate.

When I woke up, I was found by a unicorn. For some reason, the unicorn was unphased by the fact that I was a creature that he had never seen before. Apparently, I landed on the outskirts of a forest. To be specific, The outskirts of the Hollow Shade forest, near Manehattan.

The unicorn in question was a stallion who went by the name Short Sell. Apparently, he owned a large building in the middle of Manehattan, and allowed me to stay there for as long as I liked, provided that I become a janitor for him. Something that I gladly accepted. The pay was good, more than enough for someone like me.

I found it odd that no matter what, ponies never looked at the strange creature who wore a janitor's uniform. I didn’t care though. I never questioned why Short Sell never told any authority figure about my existence. Honestly, at this point, I really didn’t give a shit. So long as I had a roof over my head and money to spend freely, I really could not complain. I’ll say it now, I’ve seen side characters enter the building during the day, all of whom ignored me. I ignored them back. What was I supposed to say? Hey, I’ve seen you in a show from my homeworld? I’m pretty sure that would cause mass panic, so I just ignored them and continued on doing what I do.

I noticed that the cleaning liquid was about to reach the cutoff line, and I turned off the faucet. Grabbing a mop, I placed it inside of its holder and goaded the mop and bucket out of the closet. When I finally got it out of the closet, I walked back into the closet and retrieved a few ‘Wet Floor’ signs, before walking over to the entrance of the building. I looked down at my watch.

9:59 PM

Close enough. I locked the building and set down the “Wet Floor” signs in the middle of the hallway. No pony came in here after nine PM anyways, which gave me time to sweep the floors beforehand. Still, safety comes first, so even if no ponies are around here, I didn’t want to be responsible for a safety liability.

I dipped my mop into the bucket, before straining it and walking to the door. At this point, my job had become something that I enjoyed. Even when I got off work, I would pick up trash that I found along my way to the local watering hole, or the library. Speaking of, do you know how hard it is to get by without the internet? It’s really hard. It took me two fucking weeks to get used to living without it. And even then, I want to know what's on the front page of Reddit. Almost every single HiE fic I read back home glossed over or completely skipped that part.

Not fun.

At least the library was there. So I wasn’t completely left in the dark about this world and what the hell was happening on a daily basis. Actually, if I think about it, coming to this world has done wonders for my reading comprehension. Back home, my main source of reading was from the internet, I maybe read a full book once every few months, but that was about it. Coming to a world that has no internet has basically forced me into reading books for entertainment.

Speaking of books, you would be surprised as to how much I learned about this world. So much so that I knew the locations of several artifacts outside of the city, waiting to be plundered, just by reading books from the nonfiction section. Shocking right? I contemplated leaving here and going on an adventure, in search of said artifacts. I imagined the fame and recognition that would come from something like that. Hell, I would probably meet the Princesses if I did retrieve the artifacts successfully.

Ultimately though, I decided against it. Mainly because I was in no physical shape to go tomb raiding. Plus, leaving so soon before I repaid Short Sell for his generous hospitality would be a dick move. I’ll just leave that business to A.K. Yearling.

Noticing my mop had dried, I dunked it back into the bucket and strained it once more, before walking back to my previous spot. I plopped the mop down and continued cleaning.

What the hell would I say to the Princesses if I met them anyways? Probably something along the lines of, ‘Oh hey there, I’m a human who has been living here for the past three months. But don’t mind me, I’ll just go back to mopping these floors.’ Yeah, I’m sure that would sit well with them. Just let the only creature of an unknown species continue mopping floors for the rest of his life.

I dunked my mop into the bucket and strained it before hearing an explosion come from outside. I quickly swiveled my head towards the door, moments later, I saw a purple flash. Princess Twilight Sparkle was standing on the street in front of the building. I saw her lower her horn and fire off three rapid shots, causing whatever monster she was fighting to scream in a mix of anger and pain. Just as fast as she came, she went. I briefly thought about join her in her fight, it would put me in good graces with the Princesses if we were victorious. Just as soon as that thought came, a decision was chosen.

“Fuck that noise.” I muttered to myself. I continued mopping the floor, lost in thought. What good would I do against whatever Eldritch abomination she was fighting? Probably fuck all is what. Not only that, but I had already come up with a decision minutes before about whether I should even meet royalty or not. Suddenly, I realized something. Something so horrible that it made me want to cry in anguish. Something that would probably haunt me for the rest of my days.

“I forgot to replace the urinal cakes!”