Author's Note
This story was originally created on a certain other website, some decent time ago. As a result, the first four chapters may contain some deviation in formatting, as I'll try to find the best solution while "translating" it for the Fimfiction style. Past that point I will be creating instead of rewriting, so I hope to reach a fine level of consistency by then. With that in mind, let me know how edible the whole thing is.
Another thing to note is that narration in this story will be conducted in second person, but the perspective (aka who that second person will be) will change occasionally. Keep it in mind.
Chapter I - Death
You are Anonymous, and you are tired of running. That blue cunt has a stamina of a... well, horse, and you never were a good athlete to begin with. Swimming was pretty much the only thing you were capable of doing in any reasonable manner, but it was of no use against something with wings. Those and a fucking stormcloud.
And so you stop. Enough is enough, and running was not getting you anywhere, so after catching your breath you turn around and cross your arms over your chest, standing your ground in the middle of the sandy pathway you were running along. Maybe if you change your approach, she will finally give up.
Unsurprisingly, Rainbow Dash pops around a tree not long after, pushing a lead-coloured cloud with her front hooves. The moment she spots you, a large, dumb smile creeps on her face. If you ever saw a "shit eating grin", that was it right there.
You shun the thought of sharing that description with her, along with your recommendation for her diet that came to your mind. Once Thundercunt Prime has drawn close enough, she speaks to you in her ever-annoying voice.
"What's wrong Nonny, did the little jog tire you?" She says, her grin continuing to expand like a Mongol horde.
Well, if pleads and reasoning could not get through her thick skull, maybe reverse psychology will. After all, you couldn't outrun her anymore, and you just ran into an open flatland. Huh, looks like the "Mongol Horde" fits better than you thought.
"No. The only thing that I'm tired of here, is your childish game." You lie through your teeth while sweating your ass off. - "I'm done. I am not going to run away from you just because you are too stupid to understand human language. Or pony language for that matter."
So far there was no sign that your change of approach had any effect.
"All I understand is that someone here is scared of lightning like a little foal, little Nonny." Dash responds with that infuriatingly smug tone of her.
"Right, because you were too busy with yourself to even listen to what Twilight was saying. Did you seriously not catch anything? Lethal electricity, cardiac arrest, anything?"
"Nnnope." She flatly responds, seemingly fucking proud of herself. "Look Anon, Twilight is probably the last person you should listen to when it comes to childish fears. Ok,that would actually be Fluttershy, but still second to last. She is just as scared of lightning as you are, and for no reason too. A little zap never killed anyone."
"And you are willing to bet that it stays that way against two people, or one person and a pony, who both know much more about what kills a human and what does not?" You ask, with fake disbelief in your voice. You'd find it hard to believe she would be that stupid, if you didn't know better by now.
"Eeeyup."
Just when exactly did that little shit turn into Big Mac?
"Alright." You say.
She looks at you with what seems like genuine surprise.
"Great. Fucking awesome. You know what? Do it."
Her surprise shifts into a look of a disappointment. Holy shit was it working?
"I don't even care anymore. I can't keep running forever, and you are making my life here a nightmare, so you might as well just end it." You say, boiling anger seeping through into your voice. That might have come out a bit edgier than you wanted, but it may just get the job done.
Or so you think before the smile comes back.
Well fuck.
"Thought you'd never ask."
The last thing you see are her hooves rising in the air above the cloud she was sitting on. Life was good, you think to yourself. For the most part at least.
And then in one instant, there was a white flash, deafening roar and a dull pain.
* * *
Softness. That's the first sensation that comes to your poor, sensory overloaded brain. Are you in a bed? It kinda feels like it.
But why? You remember running away from something, the dampening floor of sand making the experience more unpleasant than it already was. You also remember being tired, though from what you cannot recall. It wasn't just the running though, even though you've always hated it. Hell, you even managed to snake yourself out of gym class in high school for a year.
Good times. But rather irrelevant to your current predicament. So why were you running again?
...
Fluttershy?
Nah. It would explain the softness, as the yellow mare at least had the decency to take care of you whenever one of her many fetish attempts misfired. And that had already happened a couple times, but no, this is something else.
Twilight? She had a crazy episode once, and you were really scared for your life back then, but it didn't really happen again, so you're pretty sure it wasn't her this time around. So who?
And then you realize.
Thundercunt. The fucking rainbow flying horse. How can she even lift off the ground with a skull that thick? You'd understand her ignoring your reasoning, since you're an alien and whatnot. But Twilight? She actually usually knows what she's talking about, and is a fucking princess on top of that.
And still, Skittelsfaggot was indifferent. She just had to show you that lightning bolts are harmless. And it just so happened that zapping people with a fucking stormcloud was her hobby. You wonder if Equestria has any mental hospitals, but remembering Pinkie roaming free you quickly realize the answer.
So she chased you, and no amount of pleas, threats or persuasion would change her mind. Not even the last ditch effort of trying to make the chase unappealing by giving up seems to have worked. And now you were dead.
Wait what?
You snap your eyes open, half expecting for there to be no eyes left in your head. Yet not only did they not vanish into metaphysical oblivion, they were also working just fine.
You saw... whiteness.
Come on brain, you can do better than that. You can't describe everything you process with made-up adjectives.
“S-sorry.”
It's ok, don't sweat it. Just, try a little.
Allright, where were you?
Oh yes, whiteness. Err, I mean overwhelming amounts of white shapes filling your entire field of view.
...
Either way, you can't quite make out what you're seeing. Seems like your eyes are a bit unfocused. You try to raise your hand, and surprisingly enough, it responds.
You reach to your eyes and give them a solid rub. With a newly acquired sharpness, you try to understand what you're looking at. Clouds.
Oh this is bad. You hoped for bedsheets, mattresses, maybe wool. It could mean that you are safe in hospital, where the crazy blue psycho could not reach you. With the lightning anyway.
But clouds were bad. It would mean that she took you somewhere where others couldn't reach. And that place was probably extremely dangerous. The pegasi were alright walking on clouds, but anything else would fall right through them, including yourself.
...
Wait a second.
You try really hard to not make any sudden movements. You really do. Just like you did during your Biology classes. But just as back then the only thing you achieved was memorizing that mitochondria is the powerhouse of a cell, you have failed now too.
A sudden jerk of your muscles, caused by growing panic sent your arms flying downwards. That was the worst direction, as cutting through water vapour you were resting on is probably the last thing you wanted to do.
Except that it didn't happen. You were met with a physical resistance, akin more to a puffy pillow than a cloud. Not very stable or reassuring, but not exactly "oh shit I am falling to my death" material either.
You calm down a little, and stabilize your wobbling. Now that you knew what you're lying on, or at least how it reacts to you, you try to get up.
First you lift your body with your arms, then try to gain ground under your knees to support yourself on. It really seems like kneeling on clouds should be less straightforward than this. Feeling more confident you raise yourself up to a vertical position, and then get up on your feet. It still was a bit awkward to stand on something so... fuzzy. Awkward but serviceable, and better than plummeting to your imminent demise.
You look around to find yourself in some kind of ravine. It does not look like any place you know. Not Rainbow Dumb's house that you had the doubtful pleasure of visiting a couple times, once even not against your will. Not Cloudsdale either, as this place was much bigger, and much more... earth-like. It looked like an actual valley, just made out of clouds. Hell, it even had a stream of water casually flowing down the middle and disappearing somewhere behind the bend of cloud-rock.
What in the name of Celestia's Posterior is going on?
You notice some kind of construction not far from you and begin walking towards it. Or rather you attempt walking towards it, fail, and resort to silly looking wobbling towards it. Whatever works.
In the meanwhile you look around and try to pay some more attention to details. You spot some occasional trees here and there, made out of clouds with a slight brown and green taint. You couldn't quite see them in the first place, thanks to having your face against one wall of the ravine. Go figure. But that's really strange nevertheless. You didn't see anything even approaching the level of detail made out of clouds before, and Rainbow wasn't exactly one for fine arts either, so that's not her craftsmanship.
Wait, what did you just call her?
And Raincunt wasn't exactly one for fine arts either.
Much better, you have some standards to maintain.
Not after long you reach the building. It looks like an ancient Greek temple, only somewhat small, even for ponies. You make a move to walk inside, curious to find out more about the place, only to be assaulted by a feminine voice from behind.
"Do you make habit out of parading into other's households without an actual invitation?"
This day is a gift that just keeps on giving, isn't it? You stop mid-step, and nearly fall over due to unstable ground you are standing on. You barely manage to regain your balance, but it wasn't without the cost of some frantic arm waving, and in effect, your dignity.
"While I have to admit that I am used to ponies reacting to me in this manner, it usually takes them seeing me first for that to happen."
You take a deep breath and slowly turn around. You didn't know what to expect when you saw the ravine, and the building made it even weirder. But that introduction was a cherry on a cake. Bluntly put, you were scared, and it was not the first time that has happened today.
You finally finish your revolution and lay your eyes on… Well, to say "on something you didn't expect" wouldn’t be wrong, but seeing as everything here is not quite what you would expect, does that still hold true? Regardless, you see a pony. That's a good start. No tentacles, no fangs, no dragons.
The suspected homeowner was an alicorn-sized, white-coated unicorn, with an onyx mane and a deep, penetrating gaze of eyes more black than the national French football team. She was wearing an equally black cloak covering her tail and flanks, almost reaching the ground and with a spacious hood cast resting on her back. You can also see some kind of chestpiece made out of strange, obsidian-like material with matte finish on it. In the center of the unusual accessory lies an ominous gemstone, with a very dim, purple shade to it. It somewhat feels like it is absorbing all light from its surroundings.
You find yourself strangely drawn to the weird jewel, and start feeling a sensation of warmth slowly encompassing you. You suddenly feel very sleepy, like all the running from earlier today has just gotten to your muscles. Would it hurt to just lay down right here and take a short nap? The clouds were so soft and comfy after all, the host will surely not mind.
You are suddenly yanked back into the world of living, or whatever world it actually is, by the strange pony covering her chestpiece with loose end of her cloak.
"Easy there little one, you don't want to stare into that quite yet."
You shake your head in an attempt to cast away the remnants of the lingering sleepiness, and look back at the unicorn.
"Well then, one would normally have to ask for an introduction, but I'm afraid we both know each other by now."
The strange mare was talking in a soft, calming voice, somehow reminiscent of a warm jug of milk with honey. An experience similar to what you felt when staring in the gemstone. You look into her eyes and reply, trying to sound as polite as you can.
"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you are mistaken. I do not remember meeting you before."
"Why of course you haven't met me, that would be somewhat unusual.” The strange pony says. “But you surely must have a suspicion of who I am, no?"
You look to the side and think. The choice of clothing and colour palette reminds you of some of the more extreme metal bands back in your world. But there is no way that could be the case, seeing how tame all the music in Equestria was compared to something like Black Metal. A zebra was out of a question too, because of both size and horn. Come on Anon, what is white, wears black clothing, and can be seen after being struck by a cunt-inducted lightning?
Oh. Right.
"You're Death?" You half ask, half state.
"None other, little pony."
Your host bows like a magician after finishing his performance, and to your surprise you notice a pair of ivory wings resting on her side. Although come to think of it, why shouldn't Death be an alicorn?
Hang on a second.
"But does that mean that I have died?"
An ominous feeling clouds your brain as you see the pale mare nodding in confirmation.
"But... I don't want to be dead." You say, only slightly aware that you sound like a child not wanting to go to bed yet.
To your surprise, you hear a soft chuckle.
"Well I didn't say that you're dead. I merely said that you have died. There's some nuance to it, you see."
What.
"What...?"
Another giggle.
"You see, while it is true that your material form was struck down, which in turn means that you have died, you're not exactly dead yet."
"How comes? What is the difference?" You ask, more confused than ever before.
"Oh, the difference is quite simple. Dying means departing from your corporal form. While being dead means…" She answers before looking up and around the walls of ravine. "Passing on beyond this place"
You try to follow her gaze to see if she means something in particular, but to no avail.
"So I'm not dead, but I will soon be, once I... move on?"
Death sighs.
"That's how it usually goes. But you, my little pony, are a special kind of snowflake, are you not?"
You look back at the alicorn, just to find her eyes staring into you with curiosity.
"Well, I'm not exactly a pony you see."
"Oh but I know. It's just a figure of speech, one I got used to over my lifetime. But the fact that you are something else is the main source of our... predicament."
"Oh? How so?" You ask raising your eyebrow.
The alicorn breaks her glare and looks over her realm once again before saying "I am the gatekeeper of those ponies who have left the mortal realm you know as Equestria. Earth ponies, pegasi, unicorns or alicorns, it matters not to me." She then turns her head back towards you, and you can see a glimmer of sadness in her black eyes. "When they die, they come here. I then greet them, and guide them along to the next step in their journey. That is when they become dead."
You overcome dryness in your throat and ask "And what is the next step?"
The pale mare smiles warmly, and the sadness is replaced by a warmth as pleasant as her voice. "I cannot tell you that, young one. As you have probably guessed by now, you will not be moving on today."
You did not guess that, but it was sure nice to know.
"But why?"
"As I have said, I watch over ponies passing through here. And as you have said, you are not a pony." She then points her hoof towards your chest, sending a weird electric sensation through you. "You are a wanderer. A planewalker. An outsider if you will. You were not born in Equestria, and as such you cannot just simply die there. It is not within my grasp to let you go through this ravine. That is the privilege of my counterpart from your world, who in turn cannot recall you back from this realm." Her expression suddenly became very serious. "And because of that, I will have to send you back."
"Back to Equestria?" You ask with disbelief.
"Yes, as I cannot transport you to your old world, I see it as the only solution."
Holy shit.
"However..."
You were about to be resurrected.
"...this does not mean..."
You glitched the system and became immortal.
"...that you're immortal."
Oh.
"Oh." You blankly state, not hiding your disappointment as well as you probably should.
The mare shakes her head with a disappointed look. "Of course that was the first thought that came to your mind, was it not?"
You suddenly feel bad, both because you were so predictable, and because you have apparently disappointed her.
"I'm sorry, I-uh, didn't know..."
"And I didn't know either. This is not exactly a common occurrence, and I am somewhat playing it by ear, so to speak."
She then turns around and starts walking towards a stream flowing through the ravine you were both in. You decided to follow her.
"I want you to understand the situation at hoof, so that you do not end up making any foolish decisions."
You nod automatically, even though she cannot see you.
"I cannot send you beyond this place, which means that you cannot be truly dead."
As you reach the sparkling water she stops, and lies on the clouds next to it. You sit down next to her.
"But it doesn't mean that you can't die."
That time your nodding does not go unnoticed. "Right, I am here after all."
"Exactly."
Death gives you a warm, reassuring smile. It somehow made you feel very serene.
"So you dying will not be without consequences. Every time your mortal shell falters, you will end up here." She says, turning her eyes towards the stream and looking at her reflection. "And as it happens I know all about the moments leading to one's death."
She sighs.
"All, without fail."
The alicorn goes quiet for a while, and that sadness from earlier crept on her face once more. Unsure how to react you decided to wait at first, but seeing how the mare didn't continue her explanation you clear your throat and ask "So how exactly will it work? Will I just go back to the moment before my... demise?"
She breaks the stare and looks at you, but to your surprise you notice a hint of an embarrassment in her expression.
"Oh. Forgive me for being... lost in the thought. I do not get to talk about things not related to my duties too often."
You give her something of an encouraging smile and say "It's okay, I do not mind."
"Glad to hear that. Now to answer your question - no. While the time flows somewhat oddly here, it is not my part to alter it." She answers, looking to the sky above you. "Time traveling was never my domain, and as such you will be returned to the point of your departure, more or less."
You look into the stream and let your eyes lose their focus in the glimmering water as you think.
"So I will just wake up in my body right after it's been struck by a lightning?" You ask after a while.
"I have intended to do so, yes. Why, is that a problem?" The mare responds with a surprise in her voice.
You absentmindedly rub your nose.
"I'm not sure how my body reacted to being electrocuted this hard. I mean, other than instantly dying."
Death giggles after hearing that.
"Why of course, your body has been rendered broken. That's the condition under which one departs from the mortal plane. But as a keeper of mortality I am in power to revert any such damage."
You notice that your jaw has dropped slightly.
"Not that I got to do that too often of course. But what little damage has been done to you will not present much of a challenge."
"So my... essence is independent from conditions of the body after it has died?" You ask, not sure if you're understanding this correctly.
"One could say so, yes."
An idea crosses your mind, but before you are able to set it motion, the alicorn addresses you. "However, I did not finish my thought from earlier. I can tell how somepony, or someone else has died. This means that should you choose to throw your life away..." She breaks to give you the soul piercing stare. "... I will know."
You feel a sudden dryness in your mouth.
"And I would rather you didn't act all immortal. You are, after all, a sole exception to the natural order so far. Thus, if it so happens that you rub it in ponies' faces, I will take action."
She gives you a smile, but it's a different kind of smile. It somehow manages to send chills down your spine.
"Oh, and do not think that I am powerless here. I cannot send you forward, but I don't exactly have to send you backwards."
The mare inches closer to you, and you can feel her smell. To your surprise, you find it to be a soft almond scent.
"It does get rather lonely here after a while, and I wouldn't mind some company."
Her tone seems alluring, like that of a siren beckoning a sailor to jump overboard to his demise. She then laughs gently, but somehow, this time it does not fill you with warmth. Just fear.
"R-right, I understand. It's best that I act as if it never happened."
"Glad we're on the same page."
And although her smile didn't change, you suddenly felt the warmth emitting from it again. It encouraged you to ask "However, what if someone notices? The lightning is something I can play off, but eventually they might realise."
She sighs.
"I'm aware of it. And I will not be punishing your for something that is not your fault. In fact, I am convinced that somepony like Celestia will catch on to this at some point." She interrupts herself with a scoff. "I guess you'll just have to play it by ear too."
You nod with acknowledgement.
"I suppose I should not worry about what happens when I become old, too?"
"Yes little one, some things are best left to be solved by time."
"I see." You reply thoughtfully before breaking away from looking into her eyes and going back to distracting yourself with the glimmering stream. "Although I am not sure if I'll be able to act as if all of this has never happened."
"But I do not ask you to. I understand that this experience, as any other, will change the way you are forever."
She puts one of her albatross hooves in the water and lets the flow gently push it downstream.
"All I ask for is some thoughtful judgement and reason."
You smile.
"I think I can promise that much."
Death smiles too.
"Then you can consider me content."
Your expression changes back into neutral as you recall your earlier idea.
"I have a question."
"Go ahead."
You look back at the mare.
"Could you send me back to Equestria... without putting me back into my body yet?"
She looks surprised.
"Well, technically I could. As you've probably noticed, your current form is rather independent from your mortal shell." She says and cocks her head. "But I'm not going to do that without a good reason."
Right, this was your moment to explain yourself. Don't mess it up.
"Uhm, you do know how I died, right?"
She straightens her neck and stares in the distance. You notice a slight white sparkling in her irises and around her horn as she begins to talk. "Struck down by a lightning that was not meant to be, all because a rainbow pony did not listen to reason and chose mischief over empathy."
She looks back at you, sparkles from before gone.
"That even rhymed. It doesn't always do that, in case you're wondering." She joyfully says. "Although the syllabic balance was rather off. I guess I'm a better keeper of mortality than poet."
You chuckle.
"I'm probably the last person to be the judge of that. But since you know what killed me, you probably can agree that it was rather... uncalled for."
Her smile became somewhat creepy as she says "And how can you tell which death was really called for? I've been doing my job far longer than you, and I still do not have a system for it."
“Well, I guess I can't.” You answer, somewhat taken aback. “But the issue is, what happens if I come back just like that?"
"How could I tell? I am just the keeper of mortality, not an oracle."
Her smile was back to the usual warm self.
"I know, but we can speculate what will happen."
"True."
"And that would be Raincun... err I mean Rainbow Dash seeing me get up after being struck by lightning."
"You need not correct yourself like that little one, I know the attitude you have towards that pegasus, and I find it somewhat justified given the predicament you were facing." Death states while raising her dry hoof reassuringly.
Oh? Could she be reading in your mind?
"And no, I do not read in your mind. At least not all the time. In the moments before one's death, all is revealed to me. All emotions, all thoughts, all impulses."
She pulls her other hoof out of the water and points it at you, spraying a bit of cool water on your torso.
"And that is how I know, but beyond those moments I am as clueless as a foal as to what's really in your head."
"Alright." You say still a bit unsure what to think, and how loud to do so. "So she will just assume that she was right all along, and that being struck by lightning is harmless to me."
"And you would rather she doesn't feel like she was correct."
You open your mouth to voice your objection, but realise that the alicorn was right.
"Well... that's true, but my point is something else." You say defensively.
"Go on."
"If this happens, she will for sure hunt me and randomly zap me with however many volts those things pack."
Death makes an equivalent of a raised eyebrow as you say that.
"Volts?"
"Um, it's a unit in which we measure electricity in my world. Well, electrical potential rather, but it's not really important right now. What I'm trying to say is that Rainbow will just keep on exposing me to lethal doses of electricity."
To your surprise the pale mare giggles.
"Yes, I could see how that would be somewhat inconvenient."
"Inconvenient?" You ask, slightly taken aback by her attitude towards you being fried to crisp over and over again. "Riiiight, you could put it that way."
She notices your reaction and puts her hoof on your shoulder. It feels surprisingly soft and warm, even through your shirt.
"Oh do not take it personally. Joking about death really shouldn't be that big of a deal. Especially in presence of Death herself."
She winks at you, and puts her hoof back in its resting position.
"I guess I can work with that. But the problem of me coming back here many times still remains."
"And has my company tired you so much already that you would detest it?"
She surprises you once more with her line of thought, and you stumble over your words a bit.
"What? No, that's not what I... well I suppose, but... I mean not really."
She grins at you, apparently enjoying how confused you are.
"What I'm trying to say is that while I enjoy your company, you said it yourself that I'm not supposed to be dying in stupid way."
"Yes, that is a fair point. While I can fix all the physical damage she might cause, it would be best to reduce the number of trips you make to my realm, as I said." The alicorn says before cocking her head again. "Regardless of how I may feel about it."
Wait what?
"Uhh, yeah. And that's why I came up with my plan."
She nods at you, encouraging you to continue.
"I want to go back as a ghost of sorts, to observe what she does and wait for the right moment to go back to my body."
She half-lids her eyes and straightens her neck once more.
"Quite peculiar. And what do you hope to achieve?"
"I want her to realise that she was wrong, and that zapping me with lightning is not a good idea. I will then come back and somehow make it work so that everyone does not learn about my death. Also, she could use a general lesson in listening to others."
Death's eyes open back up again and smile along with her muzzle.
"Somehow making it work does not sound like a very refined plan..." She says, causing you swallow nervously. "...but I like it anyway."
You sigh with relief.
"I have no idea how it is going to pan out exactly, but to Tartarus with it, I can be a little impulsive every couple of millennia."
She raises herself, making sure to cover the gemstone on her chest, this time with a wing.
"Are you ready to go, little one?"
You look at her with surprise.
"What, right now?"
"And why not? It is not a frequent thing for me to act on a whim, so your lack of enthusiasm is less than unwelcome."
You quickly raise to your feet at her scolding tone.
"Uh, alright. But I'm still unsure of all the details."
"Oh don't worry about that. You will figure it out. All you need to know is that you will be an invisible spirit, and you can return to your body at any point, although that decision is final."
Her white horn begins to glow, and a few faint sparkles fly towards you.
"But how do I..."
"Oh shush, it really is not complicated. You will feel the what the answer is."
She does her warm smile again, the one that reminds of warm milk sweetened by honey. Although this time you somehow are able to feel almonds in that milk too. Nevertheless, you feel encouraged by it.
"Well, in that case I guess I'm ready."
"Splendid. Fare well little one, and good luck."
The flow of sparkles increases rapidly, and for no reason in particular, you decide to introduce yourself at the end of your meeting.
"My name is Anonymous by the way. And thank you for... everything."
Death seems a little surprised by that, and closes her eyes. The magical conduit between you fades a little bit.
"My name... Good heavens, it's been a while since I used it."
As she opens her eyes you notice a new glint in them.
"My name is Ivory Feather, little one. Oh, sorry, Anonymous. It was a pleasure to meet you."
You smile.
"Likewise, Ivory."
She gives you her mysterious look once more.
"See you soon."
Wait, what?
And the flash of white light envelopes you whole.
