June - 2012 (T.W.G.)

by The Writer's Group

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Angel, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders
Length: 9050

Well, if we're being honest here, random can't really cover the hilarity inside...

Well, if we're being honest here, random can't really cover the hilarity inside...

Premise: In five-hundred and fifty words or less, please respond (in the most amusing way possible) to one of the prompts.

Cover art by: Owlor.

Published 2012-08-17 15:04:04 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-17 15:04:04 UTC

The Same Dream - Owlor

Author: Owlor

Prompt: You awake on a beautiful, deserted island. You’re starting to feel less drunk than normal. There’s only one logical course of action. Find the rum.

Title: The Same Dream

I keep having the same dream. They force a hood over my head, but I can still see the jeering crowd through the fabric. Then comes the rope.

I'm led forward, onto the platform. The wooden trapdoor creaks underneath my hooves. The captain of the guard appears from behind my field of vision and he says my name like it was a curse.

"Ron Sextant" he bellows. "Found guilty of murder, piracy and wearing mares clothing." I am glad that nopony can see me smile at the memories. Hey, I'm about to die anyway, why not do it with pride? "May Celestia have mercy on your soul," he concludes, and with that, the trapdoor is flung open.

My body shifts to an unnatural upright position and I gasp for air. Curiously enough, I don't actually feel the rope around my neck. The crowd around me cheers, but I can no longer see them. My mind wanders as the sound gradually transform to that of roaring waves.

I wake up. The same dream, why do I always keep having the same bucking dream?

I am stranded on a desolate beach, on an island that could be anywhere in Equestria, hurt and lonely and with a mind that refuses to shut up. I am WAY too sober for this The constant rush of the ocean reminds me of how thirsty I am.

I'm just laying there until night comes and the stars greet me. I study them intently, I know every inch of the sky just as well as I know the shores of every ocean in Equestria. If I have a clear sky and a clear mind, I am never lost. I deduce that I'm in the Carefree Islands, I'd wager I'm not the first pirate ever to be stranded here.

For the first time today, I have hope. There are signs that pirates leave to one another to help out in the event that they manage to get off the island with some of their supplies still unused. We may be scoundrels, but we're not without kindness.

In a tree nearby I found the most wonderful of signs. It consisted of three cuts carved with a dagger and a bad attempt at carving a circle around them. This means that the last pirate stranded on this island had neglected to finish his supply of rum and chosen to leave it behind as a boon to a fellow vagabond in need. What a kind, kind pony.

I start to dig until my hooves collides with a dark, half-rotten chest. Inside is a bottle of something that shines like gold and smells like turpentine.

I down it with all the greed of a dragon. It splashes coldly against my face and I fall down onto the sand. It feels surprisingly hard. The world around me starts to spin and I hear a voice calling out to me.

"Ron? Good, you're a wake. You don't want to die before your execution, don't you?"

I keep having the same dream.

Roots - Cytotoxin

Author: Cytotoxin

Prompt: Luna and cooking.

Title: Roots

Celestia woke up. Teasing aroma of food wafted in from the kitchen, teasing her nostrils. She pushed away from the table and smacked her lips, stretching. She remembered something about pulling an all-nighter again, but then everything went hazy. Probably, she konked out right at the table. Wait, what?

She looked around warily. Then she rubbed her eyes and looked again. This room... It`s been millenias since she last saw that room. Faded beige wallpaper, simple furniture, server stack... How strange. She reached out to the keyboard, but in the same time, her belly rumbled ominously. Pausing, she looked down on it, considering her inner status. Her belly rumbled again. Food first, she decided, pushing away from the table and trotting to the next room, following aroma by her nose.

"Oh hey, Celly-belly. How are you?" - offered Luna, turning around. She wore an apron and looked positively cute. Or maybe the fact she was holding a trey with pizza increased her cuteness ten-fold for suddenly ravenous Celestia. "...Yawn. Hey, Lulu? What just happened? Why we are at #0 again?" - she asked, sitting down at the table, - "...And since when you can cook, while at it?"

Luna merely chuckled - "Remember that story arc with banishment to the moon? I spent that time to put all kinds of personal skills in. Including baking a pizza from scratch." She reached out, offering Celestia a slice. Older sister accepted graciously, biting into the proffered food with unladylike gusto - "...Oh, yum... That`s pretty damn good, sis, by golly. Still, why are we here?"

Sighing, Luna set the trey on top of the stove and began levitating slices on the plate, one by one. After a few moments of silence, she offered - "Remember that memory leak trouble we found after last patch? Well, it got really bad. Garbage dbrefs all over the place. Our database swelled over five times. We had to shut the whole thing down and roll world DB back to last weeks snapshot." Celestia straightened up, almost choking on pizza - "Gah, no, dont tell me we lost everything?"

Shaking her head, Luna peeked into the oven, testing something inside with toothpick - "No, no, nothing of a sort. Its just.. You got all fired up about catching that memory leak and sending bug-report. Im not sure if you caught it yet or not, I went to bed a while ago. When I woke up, you were sprawled all over keyboard."

Celestia blenched - "So... what, were running test world right now?" Luna nodded - "Yes. I think you pulled an all-nighter, too. When I woke up, you were all over keyboard." Older sister heaved a long sigh. "Marvelous. Just marvelous." - she muttered, - "So much downtime. How unseemly. At least youre making the most of it." With a chuckle, Luna turned the oven off, and donned mitts, reaching into it.

"Somehow, I think youre the one whos going to make the most of it." - she offered, pulling out a pie. Celestia sniffed it cautiously and beamed. "...Blueberry pie. Lulu, I love you. Any chance youll keep the culinary tagged this time in-sim?" Younger sister shrugged, leaning to pat Celestias shoulder - "I suppose I can indulge your little fantasy this time." - she offered jovially, ignoring the dirty look Celestia shot her, - "Just dont forget to restart the primary world, mmhm? Because were only running test right now."

Celestia quirked her brow. "A world wheres only me, you and blueberry pies?... Yknow, now that I think of it, our world DB could use some advanced maintenance. Lots of crossed calls and index inconsistencies to fix. And arent you using external library for cooking?" - she mused and weathered the dirty look of her own, courtesy of Luna. "Pff, youre a glutton, Celly-belly.... Tell you what - if you fix everything and restart the world servers today, I`ll let you compile culinary lib into alicorn kernel. Fair enough?"

Blinking, Luna stared at the stool that was just occupied by her older sister. "You got it, Lulu! Ten seconds flat!" - was faintly heard from the server room. Letting out a chuckle, Luna set the pie on the windowsill to cool down a little. "And another day is saved by the supercook Luna." - she muttered softly, smiling.

The Hunt for the Rum - benxlabs

Author: benxlabs

Prompt: You awake on a beautiful, deserted island. You’re starting to feel less drunk than normal. There’s only one logical course of action. Find the rum.

Title: The Hunt for the Rum: A Tale of Randomness, Adventure, And Extremely Long Philosophical Sounding Statements

"Wurgh...no really, I- urrgh...couldn't drink...uugh...another cup...urgh..." Gin Hogger rolled over in his sleep. Something wasn't right. And that was exactly what wasn't right. He knew something wasn't right, which meant something wasn't right, but not in the way that you might think that something wasn't right. The fact that he thought that something wasn't right meant something was very wrong. He was usually too drunk to tell if a pony was a colt or a mare, and he knew it. At this point in time and space, he was somehow able to realize something wasn't right, which meant something. He. Was. Not. Drunk. Or, at least not as drunk as he normally was. That was very bad. For him at least. He groped around with his eyes closed, unwilling to confirm his worst suspicions.

In the end, he had to. After all, could you really effectively reach for a bottle of alcohol with your eyes closed? Bracing himself, he slowly opened his eyes. What he saw was not what he saw. Not to be philosophical or anything, but considering that he had just recovered from a hangover, his vision was still blurred. So he saw that he was on a tropical beach, but he did not see it. Now, the fact that he did not see it does not mean that he did not see it, but rather he did not see it the way that he saw it. And what he saw did not amuse him. He was on a beach. It was a tropical one, one that could almost be described as paradise. Almost. One thing was missing. Rum. He narrowed his eyes. Raising his keen nose to the air, he took a deep breath.

Then he smelled it. A massive wave of alcohol smelling air wafted over him. To most ponies, the smell would be overwhelmingly pungent. But to him, the smell was one of beauty. What his nose told him differed from other ponies noses. What he smelled was different, yet the same. His sense of smell could smell, but not the way others smelled. He smelled only those things that others did not wish to smell. And those smells, were his favorite. Following his nose, he arrived at the base of a waterfall. The waterfall had a peculiar scent. Curious, he dipped his head and took a sip. He drew his head back in surprise. The waterfall was actually rum! He smiled. So this island was paradise after all.

He drank and he drank, yet he never drank. He saw he was drinking and knew he was drinking, yet he never drank a single gulp. He tried to drink and kept on drinking, but never once did an ounce of the rum entire his belly. He felt a powerful force pulling him backwards. Pulling him back, away from his precious rum. "No! My rum! My ruuuuuuuummmmmmmm" He cried. He bolted upright, lifting his face out of a barrel of rum. He looked around. He was in the stores of a bar. So it had all been a dream.

But opportunity was calling, and opportunity was not something you should pass up on. He drank.

Eerie Calmness - NotSoGreat1200

Author: NotSoGreat1200
Prompt: Pinkie Pie is calm.
Title: Eerie Calmness

Twilight was on her way to her usual meeting with Pinkie, so her day had taken its usual course up until now. She had done some light reordering of the treebrary, then she had a great breakfast with Spike. The purple dragon as usual only ate hay fries due to the lack of quality gems as of such.

As she walked down the dusty road leading to the market in center of Ponyville, the purple mare felt that something was off. The air was different, the entire sky was different; Blue and calm, for once Rainbow had managed to do her job, for once at least.

After quite some time walking and doing some simple shopping at the market, Twilight walked towards the cafe where she was supposed to meet her pink friend.

Sitting down she ordered a cup of coffee to start the day as she anxiously waited for the other one to arrive, and she would need it to handle a day with the bouncy mare of Ponyville.

A unicorn waiter levitated her small cup of black liquid onto the wooden table as Twilight noticed her friend walking towards her. Pinkie walked slowly, not bouncing. Not being her usual self which in turn was the unusual of everypony else.

“Hey, Pinkie!” Twilight said and waved frantically for her friend, but she didn't wave back. She barely even noticed the purple unicorn until she sat down on the bale of hay opposite to her and looked blankly back.

“Oh, hey Twilight.” The pink Earth pony responded blankly as she looked at her. Twilight was stunned. No bouncing, no random, no nothing from her friend. It unsettled her as she looked back at the pink mare, not quite knowing what to say.

“Well...” the purple mare said as she slid the cup of coffee over to her friend, in an effort to make her drink it and return to her usual self. Pinkie shook her head and just continued her blank stare before Twilight decided to break the silence, “So, what's the matter, Pinkie?”

“Nothing,” the pink mare responded flatly, blinking once as she looked at Twilight.

The purple unicorn starred back and grinned like a stupid fool, since she didn't know what to say. Fortunately for her Pinkie broke the silence.

“I drank some of that potion you recommended, Twi. It's really calmed me down.” Pinkie said to her.

At first, Twilight didn't remember any potion. Then she remembered. A week earlier she had accidentally created a potion to make a pony more energetic, of course she had only planned to use it so she herself could study longer at nights.

A thud broke Twilight concentration, and made her look back over the table to her friend. It was then she noticed that Pinkie had fallen asleep.

“NOOOOOOOOOOO!” The purple mare erupted into the air.

*** **** ***

“Huh? Wha?” Twilight tossed and turned as she awakened in her sweat drenched bed, and looked outside as the sun started to peek over the horizon.

Yawning, she said, “Just a dream, Twi.” She said, followed by a light chuckle as she headed for the bathroom.

“Now to get started on that potion!” She gleefully said from the bathroom.

Spike's Secret Recipe - Kavonde

Author: Kavonde
Prompt: Why can Spike cook so well?
Title: Spike's Secret Recipe

"Lady Rarity! Your feast awaits!"

The bedroom door slammed open, and in backed Spike, loaded down with half a dozen precariously balanced silver trays. He staggered over to Rarity's bed and somehow managed to put the covered dishes down without dropping them. Rarity, her eyes sunken and her hair limp and lifeless, smiled at him weakly.

"Spike," she said, "that smells heavenly, but even if I weren't sick, I couldn't possibly eat all of that."

The little dragon smiled as he began assembling a plate for her. "Don't worry, Rarity! If ya like it, there'll be plenty of leftovers for once you're better. And even if you don't, it should help you feel better. Here, try some of this stuff!"

He scooped up a glob of orange paste and held the spoon up to Rarity's mouth. She sniffed at it and took a bite; her eyes lit up a moment later. "Why, Spike! That is delicious!"

Spike practically glowed with pride. He continued presenting the sick pony with bites from the various dishes he had concocted, beaming at Rarity's genuine and enthusiastic compliments. Finally, though, Rarity insisted that she couldn't possibly eat another bite, so the little dragon gathered the remains of the meal and took them downstairs.

"I do feel much better already," the pony mused to herself. She glanced towards the door to make sure Spike was gone, then let out a small, satisfied belch.

Spike returned several minutes later to find Rarity sound asleep and snoring gently, a contented smile on her face. He grinned. "Glad you liked it."

He made his way over to the window, gazing out on Ponyville as it spread below him. "I wasn't sure you would. I thought, 'no way, Rarity won't really like this stuff. This is a dragon recipe!' But it's supposed to cure almost any sickness, and I really don't like seeing you sick, Rarity, so I went ahead and made it."

The sleeping pony murmured something and rolled over. Spike smiled at her distantly. "It was hard getting some of the ingredients, you know. I had to go into the Everfree Forest for some mushrooms, I had to grind some gemstones down enough that you could digest them...and man, Sweetie Belle sure put up a fight.

"That's what the recipe called for, though. The blood and bones of a close relative. And since your parents aren't here, well...I just really don't like to see you sick, Rarity."

Spike returned to the slumbering pony and kissed her gently on the forehead. "Sleep well, my lady. I'll be here for you when you wake up. I'll always be here. No matter what."

What I'd do For a Drink - Aethraspex

Author: Aethraspex
Prompts: All of them, but mostly Angel Bunny can talk.
Warning: Dark
Title: What I'd do For a Drink

All four legs, both wings, even my eyes were sore. I didn’t know how much longer I could run. I collapsed into the dank leaf litter piled between two massive gnarled roots. Most likely, my coat’d be crawling with too many legs in too few minutes. I doubt I’d notice, though, because there it was, glinting like a beacon under a golden shower of light raining from a gap in the canopy.

“Hey buddy, you gonna get that or what?” Two blood-shot eyes swivelled to face the source of the voice. It was a cute fluffy white rabbit, the last thing I’d expect to talk in a voice so low and rough. “C’mon! I’m gonna be late already! This is what’ya came ‘ere for, don’tcha remember?”

I remembered. I remembered waking up with a head full of aching and sunshine sizzling my retinas. I remembered scrubbing myself in the waves before a night of tumultous dreams. I thought nothing could’ve persuaded me to move out of my ditch in the sand but then I met high tide. Next thing, I’m scampering for the jungle, for the shade. It was something about cover I think. That’s when I met a talking bunny.

“C’mon, buddy, we’ve gotta go,” I didn’t want to go. “I said, COME ON! I’m late, and this is important!” This time I went, following a late, talking white rabbit, like anypony would. Didn’t question what it was doing in the jungle though.

“Hey... hey...” I felt something in my stomach threaten revolt- obviously it preferred silence. Dé ja vu washed over me like the flowing tide. “Where are we going?”

“Quiet!”

And suddenly we stopped.

I heard words bouncing off the trees. Something about ‘crispy on the outside’ and ‘sharing recipes’. Two ponies and a baby dragon came into view, carrying torches. The ponies, I recognised. One was a nightmare princess that gobbled ponies whole, the other was a straight-maned pink demon with eyes too icy for this heat. The third was a dragon, enough said.

“Hey guys?” said the Pink one, hitherto unspeaking, “What are we going to do if we catch him?” All three stopped, and so did my heart.

“We shall see,” said the princess.

“Hey, buddy! ...HEY BUDDY! We gotta keep movin’ remember? You’ve been lyin’ there for hours! Get up, I said, GET UP!” My hooves were over my eyes, my wings covered my ears- trying to block out the noises in my head. When I got up, we ran until either we got there or I broke. It wasn’t too little of both in the end, but there it was, lying there in the sun, where I left it.

“...Don’tcha remember?” I remembered. “I don’t have to remind you who got us through this, right buddy? Who showed you how to deal with those other five? They were gonna make you into LONG BEEF, remember? And it’s me whose been your guardian angel! NOW GO!”

I didn’t remember the other five, just waking up from terrible dreams and running. And that’s why I needed the rum.

Kitchen Lust - LimeAttack

Author: LimeAttack
Prompt: Why can Spike cook so well?
Title: Kitchen Lust

Spike strolled delightfully through the Ponyville market, humming to himself as he picked items from various carts in no particular order. The smells of fresh fruits and vegetables reaffirmed his purpose, escorting him gently through a maze of celery, squash, apples, melons, carrots, and just about any other thing the skilled ponies grew. Then he saw it: the crowning jewel, one of the rarest ingredients in the world, something so wholesome and flavorful that it could make any dish utterly perfect! After pulling out a clip and pinching his nose shut, Spike jogged up to the cart and handed over five bits for the magical caclin plant.

“It's such a strange name, but it certainly makes a meal!” Spike proclaimed, before rushing back to the library to restock the pantry.

As Twilight slipped downstairs, the fizzes and pops of Spikes cooking made her ears twitch with earnest. At the threshold of the kitchen, a smell so pure, so wonderful, so enticing lassoed her toward the dining table, gripped with the only plant in the world that could make magic possess a smell. “Oh my... That's caclin, isn't it Spike?”

The tiny dragon jumped slightly before turning around. Twilight noticed that a clip pinched his nose shut. “Oh, hey Twilight! Yeah, I got so lucky at the market! They only had one plant left. I'm glad I could keep my nose shut, because that smell makes me crazy! It wouldn't have even made it home!” Twilight chuckled as she sat patiently, waiting eagerly for the meal.

The first bite lasted for what felt like hours. As soon as the food hit her tongue, the wondrous mix of magic and spice coaxed Twilight's mouth into a soft groan of raw, instinctual pleasure. “Sweet Celestia, Spike, I didn't know you could cook this well.”

The rest of the meal, bite by bite, happened just as amazingly perfect as the first. By the end of it, beads of sweat glistened along Twilight's brow, a few dripping down to the floor. “Wow...” she huffed, nearly breathless, “that, was not a meal. That was an experience. Just how do you do it, Spike?”

Caught just short of sneaking out of the kitchen, Spike gulped a bit before turning around. “Aheh... Are you sure you want to know? I mean, I can't have you making a mess of yourself with my knowledge.” He slowly backed up, hoping to make it out of the room.

Twilight closed on him faster than he had seen anypony move before. “I need to know, Spike. I have to feel this again. I want more.” Wisps of utter desire whimpered out of her mouth, making her breath steamy.

With a shrug, Spike gave in. “Okay, okay. I just take whatever smells utterly rancid to me and throw it in a pot. I don't eat what I cook because I just use the most disgusting ingredients I can find. I honestly don't see how you ponies can stand that stuff.”

Not Just a Pet - GWFan

Author: GWFan
Prompt: Angel Bunny Can Talk.
Title: Not Just a Pet

Fluttershy hurriedly yanked the feedbag out of the pantry and dragged it across the floor to where all the bowls lay. A mixture of sounds greeted her as she opened it and poured shares of it into individual food bowls. Her animal friends immediately started chomping away. Fluttershy was about to head out back to feed the rest of her animals when a knock came at the door. Panicked at how little time she had, Fluttershy rushed to the door.

“Come on Fluttershy, what’s taking you so long? We’re going to be late for the pet play date.” Rainbow Dash tapped her hoof on the ground expectantly as her pet tortoise, Tank, slowly nodded his head in agreement.

“I know, I know, but I just need to feed to chickens, the cats, and the warthog and I’ll be done. Just give me five minutes… if you don’t mind that is.”

“You always do this. Don’t you think you have enough pets yet?”

“Oh, they’re not my pets. They’re all my friends,” Fluttershy said as she flew out the door, dragging the feedbag behind her.

“Friends? Really? All of them?” Rainbow looked around at the scads of mice, birds, raccoons, lizards, and various other animals that crowded Fluttershy’s cottage. “What does she do, let them all mooch off of her?” Shaking her head, Dash noted another animal that was standing directly in front of her. Angel was nibbling away at a carrot, but at the same time, the tiny bunny was giving Rainbow a stink eye. “What do you want? Got a problem or something?”

Angel stopped nibbling on the carrot, chewed slowly and swallowed. “Where do you get off saying that we mooch off of Fluttershy when you’re always bossing her around.”

“I do not… What the!” Dash did a double take. “Did you just talk?”

“Got a problem with that?”

Dash’s jaw hit the ground. “Since when could you talk?”

“Doesn’t matter. But, let me just get one thing straight, we’ve got a nice setup here, so I don’t want to hear you giving Fluttershy any weird ideas.”

“What are you talking about? What ideas? And where do you get off telling me what to do? You’re just Fluttershy’s pet.”

“What do you mean by that? Are you calling me a pet?”

“Well-”

“Are you saying I’m a tail wagging, lick you in the face when you get home, pet, the likes of which you’re free to dress up in a frou-frou outfit so you can say how cute I am as you tote me around in your oversized designer purse, is that what you’re saying?”

“Well… not really…”

“I outta shove this carrot up your nose. I am not a pet. You got that?”

Dash gulped. “Got it.”

“Okay, I’m ready to go,” Fluttershy said as she flew back in the room. “There you are Angel. Have you been a good bunny while mama was out?” Angel nodded. “That’s a good boy. I’ll get another carrot for you to eat on the way.”

As she went into the kitchen, Angel turned, pointed at his eyes and pointed at Dash. Rainbow wiped sweat off her brow. “Wow. I sure am glad you don’t talk, Tank. Uh… you don’t talk, right?”

Tank looked up at her slowly. “Nnnope,” he replied.

What Goes Around... - Lucefudu

Author: Lucefudu
Prompt: Why can Spike cook so well?
Title: What goes around...

“Hi, Pinkie Pie! Hi, Rainbow Dash!” Twilight exclaimed happily through mouthfuls of bread crumbs upon seeing her two friends walking inside her library.

“’Sup, Twi!” Rainbow Dash said.

“Hi!” The pink pony yelled, bouncing in place as if seeing her friends was the epitome of her day. Twilight washed the sandwich down her throat with a glass of sparkling water before noticing that her two friends were hungrily eyeing the rest of her breakfast. She looked down awkwardly before suggesting.

“Uhm... I’m having breakfast right now... but if you two want some, I could ask Spike to cook a little something for you two.” As she finished her sentence, Spike poked his head out from the kitchen and waved a claw for the two visitors. He was quick to observe both Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash nodding frantically to Twilight, who smiled happily in response.

‘Oh, this is just perfect!’ Spike thought as he began to fetch some more ingredients from the cupboard. ‘This is a golden opportunity! I just can’t let this pass!’ He smiled mischievously at the thought of it. ‘Princess Celestia just sent Twilight this scroll via the normal mail, thank goodness that I haven’t given it to her yet... this is the perfect alibi!’ He would have to later thank the big, old dragon who clustered the Draconic Magic Mail with his clumsy package-sending.

Grinning like a madman, Spike proceeded to crack two eggs and place them on a frying pan, turning the stove on and hearing the sizzling sounds of the eggs. He walked to the fridge and opened it before proceeding two large onions and three bulbs of garlic. He nonchalantly munched those before having a nice, big gulp of Marepsi. He could feel the gases from the refreshing drink mixing dangerously with the powerful odor of the garlic and the onion inside of himself and he began to smile.

“Gave me a scare and made me hiccup, sending all the Mayor’s scrolls to Celestia, have you? We’ll see who’s got the last laugh...” he said somberly under his breath, as he tightened his belly and felt the air leaving travelling up his esophagus. He opened his mouth and let out a loud belch, sending bits of fetid gases and saliva on top of the fried eggs that he would soon be serving Twilight’s two friends.

“~ Oh, Twilight,” he sang her name, trying to sound inconspicuous. “Princess Celestia has sent a letter for you.”

‘Bon appétit,’ he thought as he placed each egg on a plate and carried them towards the library’s living room.

N/A - TheXIIILightning

Author: TheXIIILightning
Prompt: Luna and Cooking.
Title: N/A

"Oh Tia, do I have to!?"

As much as I adore my sister, she is unbearable sometimes. First, she 'forgot' to warn me about the Royal Canterlot Voice before I went to Ponyville, although the festivities ended rather pleasantly, I will not forget those agonizing shrieks too soon. Then there was the changeling incident, it's not my fault that I have a heavy sleep! But Celestia still teases me about it but deep down I know she means well.

Then there's this...

"Yes Luna." She nodded sternly. "Every mare your age needs to learn how to cook." She pushed me towards the kitchen balcony.

"But Tiaaaaa!" I turned towards her, using the best puppy-eyes I could summon on her. "I'm way over a thousand years old!"

Celestia just laughed and picked up an apron, throwing it at me.

"Another reason for you to learn, dear sister." I took the apron of my face and pouted.

"Aren't you afraid I'll poison somepony? I'm certain you care about the well-being of your subjects." That statement can surely get me a few points. She gave me the 'I'm onto you' look.

"Please little sister, I wouldn't force anypony to eat your meals. And we're both immortal! So I'm sure whatever disaster you create won't be harmful." I stomped my hoof on the ground.

"My cooking is not that bad!"

"Luna." She got stern. "You banished the microwave to the sun."

"It was faulty!" The damn thing hated me. It wouldn't even defrost ice!

"You scared the cook to the point of insanity. Poor Screwloose is still being treated." She sighed and shook her head.

"I forgot to open the cans before they went into the oven, big deal." I dismissed that claim with a wave of my hoof.

"It was dog food. " She turned her back on me and went towards the door. "I expect to see something remotely edible in an hour." She closed the door and yelled. "Or no video games for a week!"

I growled and turned towards the balcony, might as well see what we have here. We have eggs, lettuce, tomatoes... oh? What's this?

I picked up something, it was round and big, it had a few letters on it, it read: Inflammable.

"This won't do, I need something flammable." I frowned and tossed the useless object behind me, not realizing it was flying towards the lit barbecue.

The object bounced around, and missed the flame by a mere inch, sitting still with it's top pointed at the flame.

"Well, I guess I'll start by cutting the eggs..."

I searched the drawers looking for a knife, but instead I found a hammer."

"Odd, I heard Griffins use these to make meat smoother..." I tossed it behind me. "Useless in this kitchen."

The hammer flew and hit the top of the cylinder, which started leaking gas and releasing a weird odor in the room.

"Wait..." I sniffed the air. "What is that awful smell?"

*BOOM*

N/A - TheXIIILightning

Author: TheXIIILightning
Prompt: Angel Bunny can talk.
Title: N/A

"I guess you're wondering why I gathered you here today."

My name is Angel Bunny, I am the leader of the resistance. Me and my fellow... 'pets', using the name those ponies call us. Have gathered here today to discuss our plan for this cursed evening. The ponies we control have decided to come together in an event they call, 'Pet Play Date'. It's a most unfortunate event, for my comrades and I must give in to our most ancient urges, and act like beasts.

Truly an horrible day.

"Who?" Asked our comrade Owlowiscious.

"Exactly, our target is still the pony as they like to call, 'The Doctor', codename: Who." I pulled a small paper from within Tank's shell which contained all the Intel we gathered on said pony. "Although we are all gathered here to discuss the course of action for today, it's critical that we focus on our target. Well done comrade Owlowiscious." I pat the owl on it's wing.

"Who?" He said.

"Well done comrade, 'Who' indeed..." A spy should never reveal his real name, he truly is our best man.

"Comrade Winona!" I turned towards the dog, who was keeping watch on those accursed ponies. "Status report!"

"Woof! Woof! *growl*" She waged her tail. I see...

"Good girl." I threw her a bone. "You're on distraction duty, make us proud!"

I saluted as Winona made her way towards her designed pony. We only have a few more minutes before our respective ponies come in search of us, so I must cut to the chase.

"Tank!" The turtle slowly turned towards me. "Your job is to stall for time, keep that pegasus off our back." He nodded... slowly.

"Owlowiscious!" He turned his neck towards me... creepy. "Have you eliminated the purple lizard yet?" It was critical that it was done, his connections to the time lord are nonexistent. That's truly unsettling.

"Who?"

"Exactly, great job on the hit comrade! You made us proud." I saluted with a tear in my eye. I'm undeserving of such great men...

"Opal!" I turned towards the cat, she was washing herself again. "Agent, we are in a meeting right now, you can drop your cover!"

"Hisss!" She threatened to attack me.

"Are you saying that we are in danger?" She hissed again. "Very well, take this explosive hairball." I handed her a ball of fur. "Approach the Rainbow one, she is the most dangerous of the six, make us proud!"

"Rainbow Daaash!"

*snort* "Wait... what?" I looked down, and saw Rarity calling me. What a weird dream...

"Would you be a dear and fetch Opal for me? She can't get down from the tree." She pointed at Opal, who was beside me.

"Sure thing Rares!" I nodded and flew towards her. But then Opal started gagging. Wait...

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!"

And So It Goes - KartalTheWriter

Author: KartalTheWriter
Prompt: Pinkie is calm.
Title: And So It Goes

It had been a long night of no sleep, and there was absolutely no reason for it at all. Pinkie Pie had been working all night making treats for a receipt of orders she happened to find on the floor. She said to herself--out loud, by the way--that she should make those sweets to surprise the Cakes. It had taken her all night.

So in the morning, Pinkie was exhausted. She left her treats in the kitchen and went to her room to sleep. But sleep would not be with her today. Today, she remembered that she had planned a party for all of her friends. It wasn’t a special event, but then, Pinkie never needed a special event to have a party. Any excuse would do. This week’s new model was relatively uncreative. But still, ‘I love my friends’ had a better ring to it than ‘Because I can’. Even if the second was the real reason.

Quickly, Pinkie took one of the extra cakes she had made (there had been eleven extras in all, and for once Pinkie hadn’t eaten any of them) and hurried off to Applejack’s barn, where they had decided the party should be.

Unusually, Pinkie arrived late to the party. Applejack, of course, had been there from the start, but Pinkie had not expected the rest of her friends to be there as well.

“Oh, hello, Pinkie. It’s nice to see you.” They said to her. Pinkie barely heard them; her eyes were sagging so much.

“That’s a great looking cake you’ve got there.” Twilight said, starting to be suspicious of Pinkie’s lack of enthusiasm, or words for that matter.

“Yes, it looks like it took you all night to make!” Rainbow Dash teased, licking her lips. Pinkie was supposed to laugh at that, she knew, but today she couldn’t find it in her to laugh. She found no feeling inside her at all.

“’Ah don’t want to tell ya how ter run yer parties, sugarcube, but aren’t you forgetting your balloons and things?” Applejack asked tentatively. Pinkie Pie looked at her as if she wasn’t quite sure what her friend was saying.

“And what about your streamers? I quite thought some of them were rather fashionable.” After the honest pony had cleared the air for critique and questions, Rarity added in her opinion as well.

“And your party hats, if you don’t mind my asking.” Fluttershy, though encouraged by the concerns of her friends, still was shy making a suggestion in a field she wasn’t perfectly familiar with.

“And don’t tell me you left Sugarcube Corner without your party cannon.” Twilight said, wondering now whether Pinkie was just pulling their legs.

Meanwhile, over in the corner, Pinkie was sitting stock still, utterly unmoving and completely calm. She didn't even seem to be listening, but she was definitely awake.

And that, my friends, is the best horror story I can tell you.

Fluttertalk - Sorrow872

Author: Sorrow872
Prompt: Angel Bunny can talk.
Title: Fluttertalk

Fluttershy opened the door with her muzzle.

Fluttershy went into the bright and messy room. The little critters she took care of instantly came out of their houses to greet her.

"Hi little Humingbirds. How are you doing Armadillos? Hi Angel. How was your day?" she asked, unaware of what happened next.

"Hi! I'm fine. What about you Fluts?" Angel asked with his deep voice.

It reminded Fluttershy of jazz vocalists.

"I'm kidding. I don't care." at least his personality hadn't changed.

"You... you can talk?" Fluttershy asked with a curious voice.

"No I can't. I'm just moving my mouth and voices come out." he replied.

Fluttershy stered at the little bunny.

She did this many awkward moments.

"I was ironic!" he screamed.

"Ohh. I didn't knew that. You had me going there."

He smacked on of his paws in his face.

"Are you hungry Angel?" the little naive pony asked.

"No, you just forgot to feed me this morning." he said.

"That's good. We have no more carrots I could feed to you."

"Of course I'm hungry!" Angel yelled.

"Why didn't you say so?" asked the pegasus.

"I did say so! Don't you know what sarcasm is?" Angel screamed.

He was really upset because of the kind of stupid yellow mare.

"You don't have to scream. I will make you something, okay?" fluttershy asked.

She went to the kitchen.

"I can't believe this is happening. And why is Angel so mean?" she said.

Fluttershy made a bowl with many different fruits and gave it to Angel.

"Angel? I will go into town to meet up with my friends. Bye." she said.

As she was going outside, she left the door open.

As she went into town, she walked over flowers.

As she went into Sugarcube Corner she went through the wall.

Stay calm Fluttershy. This isn't happening. Angel is not mean. He's still nice to you.

Her eyes were twitching.

"Hey Fluttershy. Is something wrong?" a familiar voice asked.

The Pink pony jumped out of the kitchen.

"No, no. Everything is fine. Angel is still nice to me." the yellow pony responded with her weak voice.

She had a special look on her face.

Her eyes were derped and they twitched in irregular spaces in time.

"I.. I'm fine. Really! DON'T YOU DARE TO COMECLOSER TO ME!" the little pony cried out.

Pinkie stopped.

"What? You said nothing is wrong with you. You're screamingat me." Pinkie said.

Twilight ran into Sugarcube Corner

"What happened? Who screamed? Is something wrong?" she asked puzzled.

"Yes somethings wrong with Fluttershy."

"NO SOMETHINGS WRONG WITH PINKIE!"

"What? I think I used the door!"

"NOTHING'S WRONG WITH ME! Leave me alone." the yellow pegasus exclaimed.

"Let us help you." Twilight said.

"It... its because of Angel. He was mean to me." Fluttershy said.

"Come. We go talk to him."

The three mares walked up to Fluttershys hut.

"Angel! We heard you were mean to Fluttershy. Stop that." Twilight said.

"Okay. I'm sorry okay?" the deep voice responded.

Twilight and Pinkie looked at eachother with their mouthes open.

"He... he can talk?"

"Yes. Isn't that great? Thanks for your help."

Fluttershy opened her eyes.

"Good morning Angel. I had a crazy dream. You could talk, and..."

"Yes great, isn't it?" The deep voice replied.

Operation Salad - DreamWings

Author: DreamWings
Prompt: Angel Bunny can talk.
Title: Operation Salad

Fluttershy was extremely confused. She was sure that she could hear voices underneath her, on the ground floor of her house, but she couldn't recognise the ponies speaking. She had never heard a pony with such a deep voice before. Well apart from Big Mac, but what would he be doing in her house uninvited?

A radio buzzed around the rooms and shot out a name that Fluttershy did not recognise. She had never heard of a deep voiced pony called 'Raving Rabbit' before, and she was not sure that she wished to meet them.

"Yo, what do you think you're playing at bro" Raving Rabbit tried to whisper back into the radio; failing miserably. "You got a problem with the way I like to make a salad, well do ya' punk?"

The radio flickered slightly as Fluttershy began to sneak slowly down the steps. She couldn't understand what the Radio was saying, but Raving Rabbit was easy to understand.

A floorboard creaked behind her and Fluttershy froze on the spot. The Radio stopped and for a moment there was silence.

"No I'm still here" Raving told the pony on the other end of the radio "I thought I heard something but it seems to have gone now...Now what were we talking about, oh yeah, so what makes you better at salad then me? You want ma' carrots, then you better get to begging, fool."

Fluttershy let out a sigh of relief before begining to creep downwards again. Raving Rabbit still hadn't stopped yelling at the other pony; he wasn't happy. Fluttershy did wonder what 'salad' was codename for, and what 'carrot' meant in their terms. Was it to do simply with making treats for everyone in Equestria, or was it something a lot more dangerous like dragons?...Fluttershy shook in nervous fear...she prayed that it wasn't dragons; she didn't like dragons.

"No I did not say you could bring a raddish into the equation" Raving Rabbit screamed "That would spoil all our plans...Do ya' want to ruin everyone's dream, freak? If you bring any of yar raddishy junk to the meet then you will be seeing ma' fist in yar face, you heard me?" A massive crash came from the room where Raving stood, as he crashed into a bookshelf knocking all of the contents onto the floor.

"Oh shiz...No not you idiot, though if you bring ya raddish to the party I'll be calling you that proper." The bookshelf rattled as Raving picked it up and organized it back into it's original position. Fluttershy heard a mumble from the radio again, obviously asking Raving a question.

"No ya' can't bring ya' kiwi either. Why? Because kiwi's are fer losers; that's why. When it's ya loser party ya' can take them to that."

Fluttershy finally managed to make it to the bottom of the stairs.

She tried to run but the carpet wrapped around her ankle and she crashed into the living room; seeing Angel right in front of her holding a walkie talkie.

"Angel, you talk?"

"No, I'm just a bunny." He said...and he twitched his nose, becoming silent once again.

N/A - DeathRiseRobo

Author: DeathRiseRobo
Prompt: Angel Bunny can talk.
Title: N/A

Fluttershy and Angel were in the midst of a staring contest to see if Angel would eat the carrot.

Eyes locked, they both stared with their full potential.

Should I give up?, the bunny thought.

No. This is the farthest I’ve ever gotten. I have to win. But how?

Angel had an idea. One that would break the laws of the animal kingdom.

It was risky.

But he knew he had no chance against the stare.

He had to talk.

Angel opened his mouth, and took a deep breath.

He didn’t even know if he could do this, but he was about to scream, when....

Fluttershy blinked.

“Guess I lose, huh, Angel? You don’t have to eat the carrot now.”

Dumbfounded, the bunny stood open-mouthed.

And boy, was he hungry.

Skin Grafts - lolcatsmanseven

Author: lolcatsmanseven
Prompt: Luna and cooking
Title: Skin Grafts

Luna was bored. She was currently on laying on her bed, on her back and with her head over the side. She was staring at an upside down picture of the Wonderbolts. She sighed. There were only so many times she could ogle Sourin’s body.

She rolled onto her side. I know, Luna thought, I’ll see if anyone wants to play Borderlands with me. She nodded, firm in her conviction to find a playmate. She stood up, and walked to her door. Opening it, she walked across the hall and into her sister’s room. It was empty.

Luna looked into the empty room, and her head drooped. “I just wanted someone to play with me.” And she began to walk back to her room.

Suddenly, her vision was filled with pink.

“Hiya there! I heard you wanted a friend to play with, so here I am!”

Luna’s eyes widened, and she gave a shrill scream as she slammed the intruder into a nearby wall. Her breathing relaxed as she saw it was only Pinkie Pie. She released her magical hold on the mare, who fell to the ground.

“Well that wasn’t very nice you silly filly! You could have hurt your dear Aunt Pinkie! Anyhoo, do you want to play with me? Well, of course you want to play with me, I mean who wouldn’t want to play with the pink party pony? No one, that’s who!”

Luna’s eyes began to spin from the excessive amount of speech emanating from the pink pony’s mouth. She was too dizzy to notice she was being pulled to the kitchen.

Luna saw she was in the kitchen, and wondered why. She slipped back into her Royal Canterlot Dialect. Though she could speak correctly, she found ponies reactions to it amusing. “PINKAMINA DIANE PIE! ‘TIS A FOR THOU TO PARTAKE IN THE PLAYING OF GAMES WITH US! BUT, WE WONDER WHY DID’ST THOU BRING US TO THE KITCHEN?”

Pinkie’s head popped out of a cupboard. “Do you like soup?”

“YES, BUT-”

Suddenly, she noticed Pinkie had a huge soup pan on the stove, and was putting miscellaneous items into it. She saw corn chips, popcorn, and even chocolate disappear into the soup. Luna flew up next to Pinkie, and asked, “FORSOOTH, WHY’ST THOU ADDING CORN CHIPS TO THE SOUP?”

Pinkie zipped up to the still airborne princess who was staring into the monstrosity in front of her, and said, “Yo Luna, I heard you like to eat soup while you play games, so I’m gonna put some games in your soup so you can play games while you eat soup!” Luna was puzzled, so she tore her eyes off of the bubbling concoction in front of her and looked at the party pony.

Luna froze. She saw, clutched in Pinkie’s hooves, her XBOX. Without warning, Pinkie dropped her XBOX into the soup.

Luna shouted, “My Baby! Have no fear, We shall savest thou!” and dove into the soup.

And thus Luna became the first Alicorn to get skin grafts.

N/A - psp7master

Author: psp7master
Prompts: Angle Bunny can talk and Pinkie Pie is calm.
Title: N/A

The uneasy silence in the room was interrupted only by the sighs of Pinkie Pie and her companion, who were sitting at table in Sugarcube Corner.

"Darling, would you please be so kind as so hand me one of those sweet delights of yours?" Angle Bunny wondered, addressing the pink earth pony.

Pinkie nodded idly and tossed a candy bar towards Angle. The rabbit caught it with a fine gesture and bowed his head slightly, making Pinkie Pie gift him with a weak smile.

"I owe you my gratitude, the fairest of all mares," Angle Bunny thanked the party pony.

Pinkie Pie yawned, covering her mouth with a hoof.

"May I enquire, my lady: have I wearied you? You seem to be much calmer than ever, darling," Angle asked, taking a gentle sip of finest Colt Grey tea.

Pinkie shook her head and sighed once more.

"It's nothing, honey. Just..." the pink mare pondered for a moment. "I drank a cup of coffee this morning... You know how it reacts with my special DNA..."

Angle Bunny immediately stood up and straightened his muscular (and incredibly sexy, for a rabbit) body.

"Who dared to give you that poisonous liquid, my beauty?" he said with faithful anger in his voice.

"IT IS I, THE COFFEE-MAN!!!!" a voice hissed as COFFEE-MAN entered the room.

"Oh, no!" Pinkie Pie whispered and fell asleep at once.

"Draw your sword, COFFEE-MAN!" Sir Angle Bunny the Bravest yelled regally and stabbed COFFEE-MAN in his chest with his bare paw.

"Oh! Rabbit paws! My only weakness!" COFFEE-MAN shouted and died.

"This is for my beloved," Angle stated, washing blood from his paw with tea.

And then he kissed Pinkie Pie and they had sex.

And then Pinkie Pie woke up.

THE END

***

"I... Don't think this is a good story, Fluttershy," Twilight Sparkle said with a sigh, "It.. needs some fixing, all right? Some editing, you know?"

The yellow pegasus nodded.

"And you misspelled Angel's name. All the time," the purple unicorn added.

"Oh, um, I see..." Fluttershy mumbled, taking the sheet of paper in her mouth and flying off.

"I hope I didn't offend her..." Twilight whispered to herself.

***

"Angel, I'm sorry... but this will not do. You'll have to rewrite it," Fluttershy cooed as she handed the paper to her rabbit.

Angel Bunny sighed and took off his glasses. The career of a popular writer was a difficult one indeed.

Survivor: Cooking Edition - overdonefictions

Author: overdonefictions
Prompts: All of them.
Title: Survivor: Cooking Edition

Luna opened her eyes. the sun attacked them ferociously. She quickly closed them again and sat up. She tried opening them again successfully. She looked around to find that...she was on a beach. Beside her lay Spike. Standing off in the distance in the ebbing ocean waters was Angel bunny, Fluttershy's pet. Luna heard a moan from her right side. She looked over and saw Pinkie Pie laying there.

"Good, good. You are awake."

The others awoke.

Luna redirected her attention to Angel. Angel handed her, Pinkie, and Spike a pan. Pinkie didn't say a word. Spike looked at the pan eagerly.

"Your challenge for today is...Cook with rum. And you have to find the rum. GO!"

Spike ran off. Pinkie slowly got up, and trotted away. She was missing the bounce in her step. Luna decided that her best chance was to fly. She took off and flew about the island. She could see a stack of crates on the far side of the island as well as an oven. Luna dived for the crates and landed softly, she opened up one and found bottles of rum. She placed her pan on the oven and heard Spike running up behind her.

Angel Bunny was already over here, he had more cooking supplies. Bread and cheese. Luna knew what she had to do. Luna turned on the oven and place her pan. Spike placed his pan soon after. They both emptied a bottle of rum into their pans. Spike was moving much faster than Luna. He grabbed to slices of bread and threw them into the pan. He placed a slice of cheese on one. Luna followed suit.

Pinkie Pie had finally arrived. She slowly placed her pan, then grabbed a bottle of rum. She popped the top and downed it. Pinkie Pie immediately perked up, the rum having a sort of Popeye effect. Spike had finished a marvelous grilled cheese, withe the face of Celestia burned into the bread. Luna finished soon after, barely before Pinkie Pie.

Angel Bunny ate all the sandwiches. He took a moment to decide and finally declared Spike the winner. Luna was promptly eliminated. A boat arrived and took her away. Luna decided she was better off not experiencing another day of that.

The End