The Bartender of Canterlot City

by Eggtaro

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Luna, Comedy, Human, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 7981

Max works in a bar in Canterlot City. He gets a bunch of different customers visiting the establishment each night.

Max works in a bar, hidden away from the views of the highly sophisticated and posh citizens of Canterlot City. Being human doesn't help improve his bar's reputation. But one day he'll learn that, if you stay in a certain place long enough, there will be ponies curious enough to trot through the door.

The bar's motto is "To mix drinks and change lives!"

Heavily inspired by the game VA-11 HALL-A
Rated Teen because reasons
Character Tags or "Regulars" will be added as story progresses
Featured on 16/05/2017 (Wow!)

Published 2017-05-15 14:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-08-02 17:37:48 UTC

In Which We Are Introduced to Max and Princess Luna and Some Drinks and the Story Begins

Canterlot City! The capital and crown jewel of Equestria. The city where only the highest of the high-society ponies hail from. The city where one could find sophistication, opportunities, and love all in one place! Truly a splendour for each and every visitor, regardless of where you are from!

Are you a pony of noble-birth? Do you see yourself as a pony of refined taste? Or just another lowly plebeian? Don't worry about it, for we at Canterlot City welcome you all!

Are you perhaps a visitor who only wants to enjoy the best of what Canterlot City has to offer? Have no fear! Join the rest of the elites of Canterlot City in the many grand and sociable events held around our magnificent city!

Place a bet on our heart-stopping, adrenaline-pumping races at the Canterlot Racetrack, or entertain yourself with the many shows and plays at our Royal Theater! If you fancy yourself a pony of culture, then head over to the many art galleries scattered about Canterlot City, owned by several highly-regarded ponies of our society!

But that's not all there is to Canterlot City!

Make a royal visit to Canterlot Castle, maybe you might catch a glimpse of the princesses? Educate yourself at Canterlot Library, and read the works of Star Swirl the Bearded himself! If that isn't your thing, why not treat yourself to a luxurious and simply unforgettable meal at Canterlot's Restaurant Row?

There is indeed much to do, and much to see at Canterlot City. But don't take our word for it, experience the city for yourself! Discover the many hidden wonders Canterlot City has to offer. Who knows? You might spot something we haven't.

So what are you waiting for? Book a ticket for Canterlot City and get on that train now!

Max snorted loudly as he threw away the poorly propaganda-hidden brochure into the nearest garbage can, not even bothering to read the rest of the contents.

"Hidden wonders my ass." he said, making his way down a cold, dark alley. "It's a wonder how this city can still stand with so many snooty ponies wandering about."

Canterlot wasn't as extravagant or wonderful as the brochures and flyers had lied. They were right about the elitism though; the streets, shops and even public toilets were packed with the snobbiest and most smack-able ponies ever. They look at Max with a mix of disgust and horror. As if they've just stepped on to a piece of a manure that was spat out on to the side of the road from some dirty animal's poop-chute.

Money, or 'Bits', was the one and only thing that would make one's life here in Canterlot more bearable. If you are drowning in bits, you can expect the dear citizens of Canterlot to treat you like one of them, their peers, their equal. The lesser you have, however. Well, one could say that even a filthy rat has a better chance than you.

Max arrived at his destination, a tiny lot hidden away from the judging eyes of Canterlot surrounded by the backsides of other buildings. The place had been refurbished a week prior, and almost ready for business.

"My very own bar, huh?" he whispered, looking around him. Compared to the bright, vibrant and sophisticating streets of Canterlot City, the alley Max was in had none of those features. All around him, everything: the buildings, the lamp-posts, the street, even the sky above him seemed to be coloured a gloomy shade of grey.

There were other businesses besides his; a shop he passed by on his way down was selling junk of some kind; another just further down the alley had a strange aroma spewing out of the door--- selling food of some sort, perhaps. And just directly in front him, an elderly pony with a walking cane was setting some poorly decorated flowers on a table right in front of her shop.

"Wonders my ass." said Max, before entering the building.

A pleasant ringing sound could be heard as Max entered. "Looks like that shopkeepers bell is finally up there, huh?" he said to himself, looking up at the door. Sure enough, that was a small silver bell hanging right above him, right where the edge of the door would hit it.

"Is that you, Max?" said a voice when Max closed the door behind him. "I'm at the back. Help me out a bit will, you?"

The voice belonged to his partner, Salt Shaker, a young, ambitious mare with icy white fur and a short mane coloured in white and grey. Max passed a wooden bar counter which have exactly three ugly brown stools placed on top of it. The bar was facing the entrance, and further back was the way to their office, which also acts as their storeroom.

"There you are, Max!" Salt Shaker said with a grin, waving him over with her hoof. "Give me a hoof with this will you?"

"Busy already, Salty?" asked Max. "I thought the bar officially starts tomorrow night."

"The contractors left us quite the mess back there." said Salt Shaker, jerking her head at the office. "Figures. Why wouldn't they leave us with their crap to deal with."

"Because we're not rolling in dough?"

"Aye, we poor folk tend to get the worst of it, eh?"

Max entered the office/storeroom with Salt Shaker. "So, what do you need?"

"I need you to put these boxes---" she pointed at a bunch of heavy looking boxes. "--- and place them waaay up there." she then pointed to a wobbly looking shelf stuffed with miscellaneous items.

"Way up there?" Max gulped, staring fearfully at the top most part of the shelf--- which was two heads above him.

"Waaaaay up there." nodded Salt Shaker, smiling. "I'm no pegasus--- so I can't just fly up there. And I don't have access to magical abilities like the unicorns, so no levitating hocus pocus."

"But you are strong." argued Max, giving Salt Shaker his best pleading look. "Don't all earth-ponies have like, monstrous strength?"

"I, am a maiden, Max. A fragile mare." Salt Shaker pouted at him. "You human males really should spoil us with more love and attention." she teased.

"I'll bring you out on a date at Donut Joe's."

"A proper date, Max." Salt Shaker rolled her eyes at him. "Now hurry up! We got a guest coming in like half and hour!"

Max nearly broke his back as he lifted the first of many boxes from the floor. "G-guest?" he puffed. "But aren't we starting tomorrow night?"

"We are. But this is one guest we can't say no to."

"What, is the dude some sort of VIP?"

"You could say that." Salt Shaker nodded, looking at Max placing the box on the shelf. "I was completely taken by surprise when I got the letter."

"Letter?" asked Max, turning around. "What is this, the old days?" he took a deep breath before he hoisted the next box onto his shoulder. "Why not just send an e-mail or fax?"

Salt Shaker gave him a meaningful look. "We're in Equestria, remember?" she said. "We don't have that technological mumbo-jumbo you humans are so proud of. Besides, we get by well enough. There is no need for your smartphones or fancy computers."

"The future, Salty. It's the future."

"Oh, shut up."

Several minutes of huffing and puffing later, the last of the boxes was neatly tucked away on top of the shelf. The shelf wobbled more than ever before, as if it could go at any second. But Salt Shaker reassured Max that he have no need to fear of it collapsing on to the floor and leaving a chasm behind.

"It's sturdy, Max."

"My ass it is." Max disagreed. "My grandmother's hips are way more sturdier than this unstable piece of furniture."

"It's sturdy, Max. Now stop moving and look over here."

"I'm telling you, Salty. If this thing goes, we're gonna need a looooot of cement just to patch up the crater it's gonna leave---w-what, what are you doing?"

"Stop moving!" said Salt Shaker, grabbing Max's face with one hoof and gently dabbing his forehead with a soft pink handkerchief. "You're sweating all over the place."

Max kept quiet as Salt Shaker continued sucking up his sweat with her handkerchief. Max was taller than most of the ponies in Canterlot--- some even called him names like "Monster" or "Alien". His personal favourite was "The Walking Mountain of Terror". But Salt Shaker had hopped onto their office desk without him noticing, so she was easily at eye-level with him.

He couldn't help but blush as he stared into Salt Shaker's misty-blue eyes, which shone like sapphires even underneath the dim lighting of the office. "Um...you know..."

"What?" asked Salt Shaker, stopping to look at him. "Something wrong?"

"N-nothing! Nothing. It just feels nice, is all." said Max, avoiding her curious stares.

"Oh-ho?" Salt Shaker gave Max a mischievous grin. "Have you perhaps, fallen for me? Did this beautiful mare from an unknown world captured your lonely, pitiful heart?"

"S-Shut up." was all Max could say, blushing. "Just hurry it up. We got a guest, remember?"

"Yeah, yeah." said Salt Shaker, softly wiping Max's nose. "There's no need to be shy, Max. It's totally normal for you to fall for me."

Max snorted and booped Salt Shaker on the snout. "You wish."

With ten minutes left before their guest's arrival, Max went over to the bar counter to check on their alcohol and liquor stock. Since the bar was small, the counter from which Max will serve drinks from had to be made almost minuscule in size. The stretch of wood was long enough to only serve three seated customers at a time. There were no other tables or chairs within the building. Except the office.

"When did these come in?" Max asked, pointing at the bottles of neatly placed spirits on several wall shelves behind him.

"The liquor came in yesterday." said Salt Shaker, popping her head out from the office. "Your mixers and ingredients arrived this afternoon and are underneath the counter inside the mini-bar refrigerator thingy, and that ice-maker machine is just right beside it. Your tools and utensils are inside the drawers."

Sure enough, everything Salt Shaker said was exactly where they should be. "What would I ever do without you, Salty." he said gratefully.

"Die, perhaps." said Salt Shaker nonchalantly, before disappearing back into the office. "Good thing you have me as a partner."

"Well, everything seems to be in working order." said Max, pleased with his working space. "You want me to mix you a drink?"

Salt Shaker appeared instantly with a huge grin on her face. "Thought you'll never ask!" she said, setting down the three ugly brown stools on the floor and hopping on to one of them. "Give me something nice, o' bartender!" she said, banging the counter top with her hoof. "But make it a non-alcoholic one. Our special guest will be arriving anytime soon."

"You never did say who was coming." said Max curiously. "Is it someone I know?"

Salt Shaker shook her head. "I doubt it. Not unless you had read that book about Equestrian history that I lent you." she looked at Max with inquisitive eyes. "You do still have the book, don't you?"

Max forced a laugh which died away soon after. "A-anyway." he said quickly, avoiding the subject. "Can I get you anything specific?"

Salt Shaker frowned at him, not happy with how he dodged her question. "You know I'm not yet familiar with your human drinks, Max." she said. "Why don't you surprise me?"

"If the mare insist." said Max, stretching his fingers and body. "Non-alcoholic right?"

"Yes please!" Salt Shaker smiled. "So, what are you gonna make me?"

"I thought you wanted me to surprise you?" Max asked, smiling playfully. "Just sit that beautiful rump of yours down on that stool and be prepared to be amazed!"

Salt Shaker blushed but watched as Max pulled out ingredients and things for which she has never seen before in Equestria from underneath the counter. She recognized some of the things, but the rest were completely alien to her.

"Mint leaves, lime juice, brown sugar..." said Salt Shaker as Max neatly arranged each of the items on the counter top. "Club soda?" she raised her eyebrows. "Rum extract?" she read slowly off a tiny glass bottle's label. "What is this stuff?"

"Club soda is just carbonated water. Stuff that will blow your mind, if use correctly." said Max, picking up the mint leaves. "I'm going to make you a Nojito."

"A no-what?"

"Nojito. It's a non-alcoholic version of the original cocktail, the Mojito."

"A mo-what?"

Max shook his head. "Never mind."

Salt Shaker couldn't help but stare open-mouthed as Max began combining the ingredients together right before her very eyes.

"What are you doing?" she asked, unable to hold her curiosity in any longer.

Max placed a glass in front of him "I'm gonna use this---" he pulled out a wooden stick, shaped like a thin pestle, and less than half a length of a rolling pin, and showed it to her. "--- a muddler. You use this like you would a pestle, but instead of mashing stuff---" he plucked a few pieces of mint before dropping the leaves into the glass. "--- you apply pressure with it which helps releases the flavour from your ingredients."

"Once the mint's been nicely muddled, you add a dash of lime juice." he poured a slightly greenish liquid into the glass. "A teaspoon of rum extract, two teaspoons of brown sugar, ice, and lastly, the club soda."

He added the ingredients as he said all this, and when the glass was nearly filled to the brim with carbonated water, Max took out a straw and gave the concoction a good stir with it. As the ingredients blended and came together, Max garnished the glass with a sprig of mint.

"There you go. One Nojito." he said, pushing the glass towards Salt Shaker, who stared at her drink without a word. "I'd normally prefer mine with actual alcohol in it, but hey, that's just my opinion." he mumbled.

Salt Shaker gave the Nojito a curious look. "Is it good?"

"Darling, I only serve the best." replied Max. "Well, the best from whatever we have here in the bar, that is." he added.

Salt Shaker sniffed at her glass of Nojito before slowly biting on to the straw. She sucked, allowing the mixture to enter her mouth, to flood her tongue with an unknown flavour.

A refreshing, almost soothing sensation rushed down Salt Shaker's throat and spread throughout her body as she swallowed the liquid down. It felt as if she had just hopped into a tub filled with ice, surrounded by mint leaves.

Max wondered if Salt Shaker was having a seizure. For she was twitching with her eyes closed as she sipped away on her Nojito with a silly smile on her face. Too much lime juice, perhaps? Max asked himself.

"What do you think?" he asked after a while.

"This is amazing, Max!" exclaimed Salt Shaker, sucking out every drop from her glass. "My first drink from the human world and it taste so good! The subtle sourness from the lime, and that unmistakable taste of sweetness! All of which is then mixed together with the refreshing freshness of mint leaves? Excellent! Simply wonderful!"

"Glad you like it." Max grinned. "Would still prefer the alcohol one though." he muttered.

"Maybe next time, Max." said Salt Shaker. "But still, that was amazing! I've never tasted anything like it before!"

"I bet this beats drinking apple cider, huh?"

"You wish. Apple cider will always have a place in my heart." said Salt Shaker, touching her chest tenderly. "But, I must say, all those rumours I've heard about how your world's drinks are totally different from ours, seems to be holding true."

"Yeah, but what you've tasted is just the beginning. Wait till I mix you this one drink that will totally blow your mi---"

Three heavy knocks suddenly came pounding down on the door, making them jump. KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

"Omigosh!" said Salt Shaker, glancing at the nearby clock on the wall and jumping off her stool. "She's here!"

"She?"

"Our guest! She's really here!"

Salt Shaker nervously patted down her mane as she quickly made her way towards the door. "How do I look?" she asked, turning around to face Max. "Is my mane okay? What about my fur, is it dirty?"

Max shrugged at her. "You look just fine to me." he said.

"Alright, alright, deep breaths, deep breaths." Salt Shaker muttered. She gave Max another glance. "You ready for this?"

Max stepped out from behind the bar. "I guess." He did not understand what the whole fuss was about. Just who could this mysterious guest be? Why was Salt Shaker acting all nervous? "Let's get this over with."

Salt Shaker nodded, and opened the door. "Welcome to---"

She slammed the door shut before their guest could even take one step into the bar. "Crapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrap..." she started muttering under her breath. Max raised a confused eyebrow at her.

"What on earth are you doing?"

"The name!" said Salt Shaker, shaking her head furiously, hooves in her mane. "I've forgotten all about our bar's name!"

"What about it?"

"We don't have one!"

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

Max made his way towards Salt Shaker, sighing. "We can think about that later, Salty. I think welcoming our guest is more important than that right now."

Salt Shaker smacked Max's hand away before his fingers could even graze the door's handle. He stared at her.

"We can't let her in without a name for our bar, Max!" she whispered, pulling Max down to her level by the ear. "We have to make a first good impression!"

"Yeah, I'm sure slamming the door right in our guest's face is a terrific way to start the night, Salty." said Max sarcastically, wriggling himself free from Salt Shaker's grasp and standing back up. "I bet that door slamming gave us like, what? Fifty points?"

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

"Crapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrap..." Salt Shaker muttered again, pacing back and forth, scratching her head. "The princess is going to have my head for this!"

"Woah, woah, woah. Did I hear you wrongly?" Max asked, grabbing Salt Shaker by the hoof and stopping her. "Princess? Our guest is a princess?"

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

Salt Shaker nodded.

"Dude. That's sick." said Max. "A real princess, inside our bar? We'll be the talk of the entire city!"

"Yes, but unless we can come up with a name this instant, being the talk of the city will be the last thing on our minds."

"I thought princesses were all, you know, benevolent and stuff." said Max, gently shoving Salt Shaker aside. "We can just tell her we haven't came up with one yet."

"No, no, no!" Salt Shaker shouted, jumping and putting herself between Max and the door. "We must think of a name now!"

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

"Now, Salty." said Max, sternly, like he was talking to a little kid. "Quit acting like a big baby and let the princess in this instant!" Max tried to move Salt Shaker by grabbing her by the waist, but she slipped her way out from his fingers like butter.

"Back where I'm from, last thing you wanna do is to keep a member of royalty waiting!" Max panted, as he made another grab at Salt Shaker.

"NO!" she yelled. "And just where are you touching me?"

"Sorry! Sorry! Didn't mean to grab that!"

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! The knocks were getting more heavier now, and impatient.

"OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW, SALTY!" yelled Max, starting to get frustrated at his partner.

"NOOOO!" Salt Shaker yelled back, pressing her hooves into Max's face, struggling to keep her back towards the door. "I will hold this door even if it kills me! YOU HEAR ME, MAX? I WILL HOLD THIS DOO---"

BOOM!

A loud, thunderous shockwave came blasting through the door, effectively blowing Max, Salt Shaker, and the door away.

"WHAT THE FU---" Max started as he flew back into the wall, but was interrupted by an even louder voice, which almost ruptured his eardrums.

"HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME WAIT, PEASANTS!" rumbled a monstrous voice, causing the whole bar to quaked violently. "I AM THE PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT! AND I DEMAND TO BE SEATED AT ONCE!"

The thundering voice was so loud even the ceiling above them started to shake, covering both Max and Salt Shaker in white dust. Max coughed and wheezed as he squinted through his dust-covered eyes to see who their mysterious screamer was.

There, right at the now doorless entrance, stood a pony Max has never seen before. Her mane was a mix of different shades of blue. But what caught Max's eye about her mane was that it seemed translucent. Her mane was rippling, and sparkling before Max's very eyes. Her magnificent coat was painted a dark, blueish colour. Her very presence strongly reminded Max of the night sky, along with the moon and stars.

Salt Shaker whimpered beside Max, who landed on his lap when she flew backwards from the shockwave. "P-P-P-Princess Luna!" she squeaked, struggling to stand back up as she disentangled herself from Max. She dusted herself off before breaking into a smile that did not match her eyes, which were filled with terror. "W-w-welcome to our bar!"

In Which Max and Princess Luna Trade Apologies and Talks about Starting Over and Salt Shaker Bangs Her Head

Max coughed loudly as he brushed off pieces of obliterated door scattered all around him. He fished out a particularly long piece of door that got caught in his hair. Looking up, he spotted a trembling Salt Shaker with her head lowered and snout almost kissing the dust-covered floor. Just ahead of his trembling friend stood the pony that caused all of the destruction surrounding them.

Princess Luna. The raving lunatic that blasted her way through Max's bar with an ear-splitting shockwave of door-destroying proportions. He knew that slamming a door in a Princess's face was an absolutely bad idea and totally understandable if said Princess was angered. But a bloody shockwave?

Max pushed himself up, dusting his butt and with half a mind to tell this Princess off for destroying his door. He heard a dull clink from below as his leg stepped onto something metallic.

It was their shopkeepers bell. No longer the image of its former self, the small silver bell was battered and bent, with its clapper missing --- lost, perhaps, somewhere inside the bar, buried underneath the wreckage of door and dust.

"That costed me a fortune." he muttered, picking up the shopkeepers bell and cradling it in his hand. "I hope they still have these on sale on E-bay. . ."

Someone cleared their throat. Loudly, and authoritatively. Max gave one last glance at his fallen bell with saddened eyes before looking up at the throat-clearer.

It was Princess Luna. "What manner of service is this?" she demanded instead of asking, stomping her hoof on the ground with an annoyed huff. "Is this anyway to treat your Princess?"

Max's temper was boiling. Not only was the front door blasted off its hinges, his shopkeepers bell was destroyed too. Their guest may be a Princess, but that doesn't mean she can just go ahead and start blasting things as she pleases. Max had put in a lot of coin for getting everything set up.

"Now you listen hear, Your Highness." he said, stepping forward and glaring at the Princess with angry eyes. "You can't just go destroying other people's stuff just because---"

Salt Shaker suddenly grabbed Max by the sleeve of his shirt and pulled him down before he could even finish speaking.

"ARE YOU MAD?" she whispered furiously into his ear, splashing the side of Max's face with spit. "You can't talk to Princess Luna like that!"

"Our door has been wrecked, Salty!" said Max, not bothering to lower his voice. "Even our bell's been wrecked! Look!" he showed Salt Shaker the carnage that was in his hand. "Look at it, Salty!"

"Who cares about a freaking bell you idiot!" said Salt Shaker, sending swift apologetic glances at Princess Luna and throwing hot, molten glares at Max. "You absolutely, do not speak to the Princess like that! Show some respect!"

"She's your Princess, Salty. Not mine." said Max stubbornly. "Back where I'm from, respect isn't given willingly. It is earned."

"Well back where I'm from, things work way differently, Max!" Salt Shaker almost yelled in a hushed voice. "Don't you humans have that saying "When in Rome do as the Romans do?" Can't you see you're digging us into a deeper hole?"

Max bit his lip. Maybe he had stepped a little way out of line. He was standing in the presence of royalty.

"Just. . . just do as I say, Max. Please?" said Salt Shaker, gently turning Max's face to face hers. "For me?"

Max stared into his partner's misty-blue eyes, his reflection staring clearly right back at him. "Fine." he said with a defeated sigh. "Fine."

Salt Shaker smiled softly at him. "Good boy." she said, before delivering a well-placed hoof-smack onto his head. "NOW APOLOGIZE YOU MORON!" she hissed into his ear.

Max quickly stood back up.

"P-please pardon my rudeness, Your Highness." he said sincerely with a deep bow. "A thousand apologies for our terrible, unforgivable behaviour, and a thousand more for being such horrible hosts."

Glancing up at Princess Luna, Max was expecting her Highness's expression to be that of a understanding nature, perhaps even a calm or forgiving one. He was wrong.

Princess Luna's face was contorted with unmistakable fury. In hindsight, Max thought, as he whispered a silent prayer, perhaps it might had been a terrible idea to whisper and talk right under her Highness's snout. Especially after their already ruined attempt at giving a good first impression.

Right behind him, a loud, terrified gulp came from his partner. She too, must have sensed their impending erasure from existence.

"Uh-oh."

A hundred thousand apologies later --- most of which, Max noted, came from Salt Shaker --- Princess Luna finally calmed down. Which was a good thing. For she nearly exploded once more thanks to Max's insolence. Two of her personal guard came bursting into the bar and struggled to restrain the Princess from unleashing what might have been a shockwave of total annihilation. A third came flying in after them and started shouting at Max and Salt Shaker to leave the situation to them and to quickly run as far away as possible.

"Oh man, I am so glad to still be alive." Max said loudly, seated on a stool. "You weren't kidding when you said Princess Luna's a scary pony."

Salt Shaker glared at him, with a broom in her hoof and a dustpan in the other. Princess Luna has left and was standing somewhere outside their bar and --- according to the guard that yelled at them --- taking a much needed breather.

"If only a certain someone didn't speak so rudely to the Princess." said Salt Shaker through gritted teeth. "All of this could have been avoided."

The bar was still in a horrid mess, but at least the counter was spared. Except for the dust and door fragments, all of Max's tools, spirits and glasses were fully intact and safe. He tutted at Salt Shaker, displeased at what she had said.

"Hey now, don't you put all the blame on me, Salty." argued Max, standing up and walking towards her. "You're the one who slammed the door in her face, remember?"

"A-anyway," said Salt Shaker quickly, her cheeks reddening. "We should consider ourselves really lucky to be alive. I've heard rumours where some had it worse. Way worse."

"No kidding. For a moment there I thought I was gonna be a goner." Max grabbed the broom and dustpan from Salt Shaker's hooves. "Never though I'll see the day where my very existence would be threatened by some pony."

"Princess, Max. Not some pony." said Salt Shaker, rolling her eyes. "And give those back."

"Let me take care of the sweeping. My hands are better suited than those hooves of yours."

"Oh, now you're offering to help?"

"Take it or leave it, Salty."

Salt Shaker shook her head. "Always the hero, Max."

Max smiled at her. "I only do it cause I care about you, Salty."

Rolling her eyes, Salt Shaker turned around and trotted off in the direction of their office. "I'll leave you to it then. Let me know when the Princess comes back. I'll be in the back writing a letter telling our contractors that we're going to need a replacement door."

"Make sure to specify that we need a blast-proof door."

"Oh, shut up."

Max watched as Salt Shaker entered their office. Looking around him, he wondered how was he going to manage to get every thing cleared. The whole place needed a good sweep, perhaps even a hearty scrubbing. Sighing loudly, Max tightened his grip on the broom in his hand and started to sweep. Mumbling something about getting vacuum cleaners.

He'd barely swept for ten minutes when all of a sudden---

"Excuse me." said a voice which sounded oddly familiar.

Max spun around. It was the Princess.

"Y-Your, Highness!" he said, dropping the broom and quickly bowing down. "W-welcome back."

"Please, there is no need for you to bow." said Princess Luna, stepping into the bar and looking around.

Max stood back up. "Your, Highness?"

"What you said earlier was true: I am most certainly not your Princess."

Max gulped nervously. "I. . . I didn't meant any offence by it, your, Highness."

"And none was taken." said Princess Luna, carefully stepping over a small pile of debris. "In the words of my beloved sister, "I'm only a Princess of ponies." You are a human. I am not royalty to you."

Max was taken aback by that statement. Just moments ago this Princess was just about ready to blast him and Salt Shaker into smithereens. Now, it felt like he was meeting an entirely different pony. It was as though the tiger had magically turned into a kitten.

"I. . . I-uh. . ." Max struggled, unable to find the words. "E-even so, your, Highness, I must apologize again. I was rude, and way out of line."

"As was I." said Princess Luna, coming to a stop beside him. She was nearly as tall as Max was, only shorter by a head or two. She gave the bar a once over and glanced at the broom and dustpan in Max's hands. "A-Allow me to help with you that." she said, looking meaningfully at the mess in front of them with a little blush.

Before Max could even protest, Princess Luna used her magic to gather every bit of door, dust and debris off the floor. The entire bar illuminated with a bright glow of brilliant blue, emanating from both the Princess's horn and everything that she's gathered. Max watched as the collected wreckage formed into a shape of a large ball. Then, with a swish of her magical horn, the ball slowly shrank smaller and smaller, until it was just enough to fit on the palm of Max's hand.

"Well that's certainly useful." said Max softly, watching in awe as Princess Luna levitated the ball straight onto the dustpan. "Definitely way better than vacuum cleaners."

"Vacuum cleaners?" asked Princess Luna curiously, as the glow from her horn faded away.

"It's a mechanical device." Max slowly explained, grabbing the broom and sliding the brush back and forth on the now spotless floor. "It is used to suck up dirt and dust or anything that goes underneath its nozzle."

"How intriguing." said Princess Luna. "And it sucks up everything you say?"

"As long as whatever it is you're sucking ain't too big or heavy, sure." said Max, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly; He still found the entire situation to be surreal. Was he really talking to the same Princess that blasted his door down moments ago? He was expecting a scolding, maybe even receiving a punishment of sorts. But certainly not giving a Princess an explanation on what vacuum cleaners are.

"Your, Highness---" he started.

"Please. There is no need for formalities. You may address me as Luna."

After what he had seen and went through tonight, no one could blame Max for being at least a little skeptical; The change in Princess Luna's character was too sudden, almost as though one of the switches controlling her different emotions been switched off. Almost as though she was a completely different pony. Perhaps the Princess has bipolar disorder? Or was this Princess an impostor?

Still, Max decided to go with it, curious to see where this might lead him. "Prin--- I mean --- Luna." he said cautiously, as if worried that the Princess might suddenly explode into a ball of flames. "Since you said there's no need for formalities--- I just have to ask--- and forgive me for being so blunt but --- are you feeling all right? You seem a little. . . different."

Luna tilted her head slightly with a puzzled look on her face. "Am I feeling. . . all right?" she said slowly.

Max nodded. "I mean are you feeling. . . okay?"

For a second, Max could've swore he saw Luna's face twitch a bit. It was so quick, and so sudden, yet long enough to tell Max that the Princess was indeed not feeling all right. Something seemed--- something was bothering her --- and she's doing a rather good job at hiding it.

"I do not understand." said Luna, gazing at Max with her expression stiff as stone. "Do I seem indisposed to you?"

"Something like that." said Max with a nod. "Just moments ago you seemed ready to kil--- I mean you seemed er--- stressed."

Luna dropped her gaze from Max and stared at the floor and said nothing. The silence that followed made Max wonder if he'd said something wrong. His eyes drifted to the office at the end of the bar, where Salt Shaker was. Should he call for her? He could use the support.

Finally, Luna spoke. "I confess --- when I arrived at this establishment earlier this evening there were already feelings of. . . of anger boiling inside of me."

Max said nothing, waiting for her to continue.

"I think. . . I believe frustration was the word I wanted." said Luna, still staring at the floor. "Yes. I was overwhelmed with feelings of frustration."

"Rough night?" Max asked, almost automatically.

Luna looked up at Max and smiled. "You could say that." she said, nodding softly.

A huge grin slowly spread across Max's face and his eyes sparkled. It was moments like this where his expertise came into play. It was moments like this where it was his time to shine. Picking up the broom and dustpan, he left them leaning against the wall behind the bar counter.

"Well then." he said, stepping behind his counter and pulling out a white hand towel. "Have a seat."

As if on cue, Salt Shaker came stepping out from the office, scratching her butt and with a sealed envelope in her mouth.

"Is Princess Luna b-b-b-back yet?" she tried to ask while stifling a huge yawn, dropping the envelop in the process.

Max chuckled. "Why don't you ask her yourself?"

Salt Shaker's eyes widened when she spotted Luna, who has taken a seat and staring curiously at the counter. "P-P-Princess Luna!" she squeaked, dropping on all fours. "W-W-W-Welcome back!"

Luna, who was busy looking at everything, ignored her. "What is that?" she asked Max, pointing at a small, metallic device resting on the counter top. "Is it an urn?" she gave it a little poke with her hoof.

"That, Luna, is not an urn." replied Max, motioning at Salt Shaker to come over and stand next to him. "That, is a cocktail-shaker."

"A what?"

"Cocktail-shaker, Princess." said Max, picking the device up and twisting it open, separating it into three smaller pieces. "As the name implies, it is used to mix beverages. I would say this is an essential tool for any aspiring bartender; I find that it helps me blend the ingredients together way better than stirring --- but that's just my opinion."

Luna watched as Max picked up the first piece of the cocktail-shaker, which was the smallest among the three.

"This," Max started, holding it in the palm of his hand. "Is what we call the---"

He stopped suddenly. Someone was nervously poking him right around the gut. It wasn't painful or anything, but it was rather distracting. Looking down, he saw that it was Salt Shaker that was the one responsible for the poking attack. He raised an eyebrow. Salt Shaker was hiding underneath the counter instead of standing next to him.

"What is it, Salty?" he asked, staring quizzically at his friend, who was still sending soft jabs to his abdomen. "And why are you hiding?" he added, bending down.

She beckoned at him with her hoof, inviting him to squat down. "We need to talk, Max." she said quietly, looking up at him with pleading eyes. "Now."

"Er. . ." Max quickly glanced at Luna, who also has her eyebrow raised questioningly, before looking back at Salt Shaker. "You do realize that the Princess is right---"

Salt Shaker suddenly stood up from her hiding spot, her head hitting Max squarely in the jaw. "P-Princess Luna!" she squeaked, grabbing a groaning Max by the arm. "I am so sorry but, is it all right if I borrowed Max for a moment?"

Before Luna could even say anything, Salt Shaker had pulled Max down along with her, back to her rather impractical hiding spot.

"Just what is going on here, Max?" she whispered as Max rubbed his chin, which was still sore and red from the impact from Salt Shaker's hard head.

"Whaddaya mean?"

"What happened to the Princess? Why is she acting like that?"

"Acting like what? She seems fine to me."

"No, she is not!" said Salt Shaker, smacking her forehead, getting impatient with her friend. "That wasn't how she was acting before! Have you already forgotten what had happened almost an hour ago?"

"Of course not." said Max. "I remember it quite vividly; I could still taste the wood from our blasted down door."

"Don't get cheeky with me." Salt Shaker warned. "Why is the Princess acting so differently?"

"You mean why she isn't yelling and blasting down things?"

"No! I-I mean. . . well, yes."

"Beats me, Salty." Max shrugged. "She's your Princess, remember?"

"Yes, but the Princess I remembered was ready to murder us, Max!" she pointed out, waving her hooves in the air. "This Princess is more. . . calm."

"Do you want Luna to murder us?"

"Of course not, you idiot!" said Salt Shaker. "And don't you dare say the Princess's name so casually!"

"Why not? She was the one who asked me to."

"She what?"

"I know, right?" said Max, grinning. "From potential murder victim to first-name basis buddies! Almost feels like a twisted sitcom!"

"Urgh. . ." Salt Shaker groaned. "Are you telling me---" she started, massaging her temples. "---that the Princess just magically had a change of heart?"

"Well, I am in a land full of magically talking ponies, so. . ."

Salt Shaker stared at Max with narrowed eyes. "Did you give her weed?" she asked in a serious tone.

"W-What?" the question caught Max by surprise. "No!"

"Did you give Princess Luna weed?" Salt Shaker repeated, her eyes getting even more narrower than Max thought possible.

"I said no! Why would you even ask me something like that?"

"Because the Princess is just acting way too different than how she was before!" Salt Shaker exclaimed, raising her voice a little.

"And you think it has something to do with Luna being high?"

"How else would you explain the Princess's sudden change in personality?" asked Salt Shaker, staring at Max with accusing eyes. "You know what that stuff does to us ponies!"

"Just because you went out of control at that bar in Mane---"

"Enough!" Salt Shaker stopped him, covering Max's mouth with her hoof. "We swore never to speak of it again!"

Max rolled his eyes at her. "Look, Salty." he said, pushing her hoof away. "I did not give the Princess any weed! Even if I wanted to --- even if I dared, the customs over at the Everfree Forest would have swiped it away anyway."

Salt Shaker scratched her head with an annoyed tut. "All of this is just so confusing." she said. "If this were a novel or one of those creepy fan-fictions you humans so love to write --- some might call this an "Out of Character" or a completely illogical moment."

"Right, as if Equestria doesn't have its fair share of weirdos writing about their deepest, most perverted desires about us humans." said Max with a disapproving huff. "Besides," he continued, grinning. "I see this as more of a "Deus ex machina" moment; don't you see how this puts us in an advantageous position?"

Salt Shaker gave Max an apprehensive look.

"I dunno, Max. This just seems way off to me."

"The only thing off here is you." said Max, shaking his head. "Just roll with it. Let's see where this might take us. Take my grandmother's advice for example: "Never question the hows and whys. But instead focus on the now and here."

"That's some solid advice."

"My grandmother is a woman of profound wisdom, Salty. Maybe I'll bring you to meet her one day."

Salt Shaker said nothing. She seemed to be deep in thought. She had her hoof under her chin and her brow was furrowed.

"I still find this whole situation very confusing, Max." she said, finally, after a moment's pause. "I just. . . It's just way too convenient. Why is Princess Luna acting so differently from before?"

"Urgh --- enough with the questions, Salty!" Max groaned, rolling his eyes. "Tell you what: if the need to be sated is so desperately yearned by that curiosity of yours --- why not just ask Luna directly?"

"Yes, why don't you ask me directly?" agreed a voice that belonged to neither Max or Salt Shaker.

It was Luna. She was peeking from above the counter, staring at the two hiding underneath it with an annoyed look on her face. Max had almost forgotten that the Princess was still seated in their bar, waiting to be served.

"Your, Highness!" Salt Shaker half-shouted, jumping into the air and banging her head with a loud BANG against the counter-top. She let out a pained groan and tightly hugged her head as Max stood back up, chuckling quietly to himself.

"Sorry about that, Luna." said Max as he watched the Princess sat back down on her stool. "Salty can be rather. . . weird."

"You're weird." Salt Shaker whimpered from below, still hugging her head.

"I. . . I see." said Luna, slowly.

"I'm so s-sorry, your, Highness!" Salt Shaker squeaked, popping up with a hoof rubbing the top of her head. "We did not mean to keep you waiting again!"

"We?" said Max. "But you're the one who---"

Salt Shaker delivered a swift punch to Max's gut, knocking the wind out of him.

Several minutes later, once Max had prepared an ice-pack for Salt Shaker's head, he and Salt Shaker took their places behind the counter, while Luna sat up straight in her stool.

"As I previously mentioned to you earlier," Luna said to Max. "When I arrived here I was already feeling rather frustrated."

Max nodded. "That you did."

"As Princess of Equestria, I strongly believe that my actions were truly uncouth and shameful." said Luna with her head hanging low. "It was a display that I truly regret; a Princess must never show such uncivilized manners not only to her subjects, but to whomever she may meet in her life."

"I confess, I did a terrible job in controlling my emotions --- as my beloved sister have mentioned to me time and time again --- I should've held my composure more delicately. For that, I, Princess Luna of Equestria and the Night, deeply apologize for the damage and terror that I have inflicted upon the both of you."

She hopped off from her stool and bowed. Max and Salt Shaker stared at Luna with their mouths wide open. It was one thing to get an apology. But from a member of royalty? It was something totally new for Max. Not everyday you find a Princess bowing down before you.

Salt Shaker had found her voice. "Holy shi---"

"It's cool, Luna." Max quickly interrupted with a loud voice. "We all have those days, you know?" he added, glancing at Salt Shaker, who had covered her mouth with her hooves. "Even Princesses."

Luna looked up at the two of them. There was a light tinge of red in her cheeks. She stood back up and blinked.

"I. . ." she paused, trying to figure out what to say next. "Well. . . thank you."

"Ain't nothing but a thing, Luna."

"Yes!" exclaimed Salt Shaker, nodding her head in agreement. "Don't worry about it, Princess Luna!" she gave Luna an awkward smile and laughed nervously. "Nothing but a thing!"

Luna smiled at them. "Thank you."

The three of them traded smiled at each other --- Salt Shaker couldn't stop giggling nervously --- and a sudden idea popped up in Max's head. It was another one of those moments where he could shine. He clapped his hands with a loud SMACK! making the two mares jump.

"You know," said Max, stretching his arms. "I think this calls for a drink."

"A drink?" said Luna and Salt Shaker in unison.

"A drink!" said Max, grinning. "To wash down the past and to start over again. What do you say?"

"I like that idea very much." said Luna, nodding. "A drink indeed! I dare say we all could use a drink. Please, give me your best one!"

"Only the best for you, your, Highness." said Max, bowing. "Why don't you have a seat too, Salty? Let me show you more of my magic."

"Yes, join me, dearest Salt Shaker!" said Luna, her mood clearly improving by the second at the mention of drinks. "Come, sit next to me!" she added, patting the empty stool beside her.

Salt Shaker nodded, but cautiously made her way to Luna. She was still feeling apprehensive, as if expecting the Princess to suddenly morph into a blood-sucking monster. Nevertheless, she hopped onto the empty stool next to Luna and stared at Max with eager looking eyes.

"Now then." said Max, grabbing the cocktail-shaker in his hand and twisting it open with a huge grin on his face. "Time to mix drinks and change lives!"

Author's Note

Finally, the second chapter for this story! Haven't properly gave this a good once-over for any mistakes or grammar errors (Want this published as soon as possible). So please! If you do spot anything unusual or out of place, kindly do me a huge favour by informing me about it! Have fun reading this as much as I enjoyed typing it!