Never Again

by LightningSword

Rating: teen
Tags: Equestria Girls, Flash Sentry, Dark, Sad, Drama
Length: 6069

There's more behind Flash Sentry and his ill-fated relationship with Sunset Shimmer than anyone saw . . . .

My name is Flash Sentry.

I wasn't always the cool, blue-haired kid playing guitar and sweet-talking ladies.

Once, there was only one lady I would have done anything for—and did.

And falling for her was the worst decision of my life. It left me broken. After a while, I was begging for some way for it to end.

I won't feel that way again. Ever.

Artwork by the always excellent _Vidz_!

Featured on:
6/3/2017
6/4/2017
6/5/2017

Published 2017-06-03 15:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2017-06-05 16:23:47 UTC

Never Again

Monday, August 20th

My name is Flash Sentry. I start high school in a week. And after middle school, I might as well go straight to hell.

That’s exactly what middle school was for me. Being skinny and weak with big thick glasses and shirt tucked into your khakis is never fun when you’re thirteen. They always had something rotten to say about me. It got so bad, I’d feel sick every time I went out to the bus, breathless and weak whenever I walked down those halls.

The punches and kicks, I could take. The pushing and shoving, not as bad. The exclusion and glaring looks, bad but tolerable.

But the laughter. That’s what really hurt.

I could always hear them laughing at me. The nerd. The introvert. The scholar. Why do they do it? I don’t know. All I know is that I wanted them to stop.

I’m so afraid high school will be worse.

Monday, August 27th

Today is my first day at Canterlot High School. I’m really, really nervous. My mom’s always telling me “just be friendly and they’ll like you”. I’ve tried. I’ve tried over and over again. I don’t know why it never works or what I’m doing wrong. I even tried to be cool to fit in, but learning to play the guitar doesn’t help, even though I’ve gotten really good. The cool kids. The football players. The cute girls. No matter who it is or what I do, they just don’t like me.

I don’t want to go. I really, really don’t want to go.

Monday, September 3rd

It’s been a week. I only haven’t written because I haven’t had the stomach for it. I haven’t had the stomach for much of anything lately. The laughter gets worse all the time. The whispers, the teasing, the threats. I didn’t get beat up, but I got shoved for the first time in high school last Friday. Took longer than I thought, but I was right. It still happened.

Well, never again.

High school is just as bad as middle school, and I won’t go through four more years of misery. I saved up my allowance for hair dye, and I’m gonna start dying my hair blue. That will make me look cooler. I found an old leather jacket in the attic that used to be my dad’s. I’ve talked to my mom about letting me get contacts. She’s not on board just yet, but this is much better than telling her why.

I can’t let her know. Ever.

I just need one more thing to complete the makeover. I’m gonna ask Mom tomorrow if I can take guitar lessons again. I was okay before, but I know I’ll be better if I pick it up again. Once I really master it, I can just break out the guitar whenever I want, play a few chords, and BOOM! Instant cool! I’ll never be bullied again!

I’ll start dying my hair after I switch to contacts. Now, I just need those guitar lessons.

Thursday, September 6th

It took a lot of convincing, but Mom says I can start wearing contacts now! Eye appointment scheduled for this weekend. I have my blue hair dye and jacket ready (won’t start wearing them just yet, don’t wanna look like a poser, that’ll just make things worse).

Got shoved again today. Harder than usual, but considering I aced the first algebra test of the year, it was inevitable. Smart kids always get picked on.

But if I’m cool, it won’t matter if I’m smart. They’ll be too busy thinking I’m awesome to notice!

At least I hope so.

Saturday, September 8th

WHAT AN AWESOME DAY!!!

Just came back. Mom took me to my eye doctor’s appointment and got me my first pair of contacts! They take some getting used to (blinking a lot! Ugh . . .), and I need eye drops a lot, but I’m already getting used to them. And they look SOOOO much better than my old ugly glasses!

And the best part? As a reward for passing my test, Mom took me to the music shop after my appointment and let me pick out my own guitar! It’s so beautiful! I can’t wait to try it out!

Now, I just need to plan the rest of this. Do I make the changes (jacket, hair, guitar) a little at a time to see if anyone notices? Or should I just go big and do everything at once to see if anyone dares to come over and pick on me again?

I’ll decide on Monday, I guess. Right now, I have practicing to do!

Monday, September 10th

Not wearing my glasses, and no one noticed all day. But no one’s tried to push me around either. And I only hear one or two girls laughing at me. Not much, but it’s a start.

But I think I know what to do. I’m going big and trying everything at once. Because now I know what’ll really make me the coolest kid in school.

This new girl just came to Canterlot High. Her hair is long and red-orange, kinda looks like bacon. But MAN, is she SMOKIN’ HOT! ❤ ❤ ❤ Those LEGS! Tomorrow, I’m gonna start wearing my jacket, and I’m dying my hair as soon as I get home. If I can get her attention, I’ll be the coolest guy in school! I’ll have friends, everyone will respect me, and they’ll never pick on me again.

Never again.

Thursday, September 13th

Freaking out right now!

The hot new girl, Sunset Shimmer, asked me for help in Biology today. I was decked out in my jacket and blue hair, so she seemed to really like me. And she seemed so interested in the work, she was asking me lots of questions about the class, and a bunch of other classes and teachers, and she was really impressed with how much I knew!

She says she wants me to help her with homework if she gets any, and I said yes!

It’s happening! I can finally be smart and cool!

Friday, September 21st

Sunset’s been coming to me for homework help for the last week, and I’ve been doing my best to help her pass. She’s even offered to stay after school with me so we can study for tests and stuff. Are we moving too fast, or not fast enough? Should I ask her out? Or are we dating already?

I can’t tell. But I won’t mess up now. Whatever she wants, I’ll do it.

Monday, October 1st

Starting to regret what I promised.

The first Geography test of the year is coming up, and Sunset asked me to help her cheat on it. I can’t understand why. All the studying we did together should have been more than enough to help her pass. She even came up with a complicated system where I tap my pencil one, two, three, or four times to tell her which multiple choice answer is correct before she goes to the next question.

I don’t know if the teacher will spot that. She’s good. Like, really good.

What do I do? I want to be cool and get her to like me back, but if I get caught, I’ll ruin my grades, my mom will get mad, and I’ll go right back to being unpopular.

I just don’t know what to do.

Wednesday, October 3rd

I did it.

I helped Sunset cheat. And we didn’t even get caught. I aced my test, and I made sure Sunset aced hers.

And she didn’t even thank me.

What did I do wrong? Did I take too long to decide whether I’d do it? Did I argue too much? Was I supposed to help her find a different way to cheat? Did I somehow get us caught and she knew before I did?

I don’t understand.

I just don’t understand.

Friday, October 5th

Sunset hasn’t even told me where she lives. She hasn’t told me anything about herself. Where she’s from, what made her transfer to CHS, nothing. I have to know what’s going on with her. I thought she liked me, but she’s so secretive all the time, and after asking me for so much help and info.

I won’t be able to find her over the weekend, so I’ll ask her on Monday. This can’t go on.

Monday, October 8th

SO IN LOVE!! ❤ ❤ ❤

After school today, I talked to Sunset about letting me in more and why she’s been so secretive. And right out of nowhere, she grabbed me and kissed me!

Straight.

Up.

KISSED ME!!

❤

SHE LOVES ME AFTER ALL!!!

I never should have doubted her! And I never will again!

I’m already planning where we’ll live together after graduation! I know it’s a long way off, but I don’t care! She loves me, and I love her with all my heart! We’ll stay together even after all our classmates’ relationships fade over time. Ours will outlast them all!

Wednesday, October 17th

Things just keep getting better and better!

Now that Sunset and I are an official couple, I’ve gotten so many people approaching me and asking about us. I know a real gentleman shouldn’t kiss and tell, but I can’t help but tell everyone how in love we are! Just the past week or so, I’ve gotten so many new friends!

And that’s not all! I’ve been practicing my guitar so much, my music teacher says I’m the best in his class by now! And I even had a guy in class ask if he wanted to form a band! Of course, I said yes! I’m meeting the bass player he picked out (he plays drums, and is pretty good, too).

I’m finally getting the life I always wanted! Everything I ever asked for is mine now! I’m cool, talented, with friends, a band, and the sexiest girlfriend in school!

All I need to do is to work on my grades. I’ve been a little behind lately . . . .

Friday, October 26th

Just got my midterm grades. Only one A, in music. All Bs and Cs everywhere else. I’ve never had grades this low before, but I guess it’s my own fault. All the time I’ve been putting into my guitar, the new band, and the time I’ve been spending with Sunset makes it so I have hardly any time for homework. And we just come up with clever ways to cheat on our tests anyway, so I didn’t think it mattered.

I have to get better. Mom’s already gonna freak out when she sees this, and she might not let me take guitar anymore. But I haven’t been beat up since the beginning of the school year, and I’ve had girls come up and talk to me for weeks! I have what I wanted, but now I’m losing what I had.

I have to get it back. I can still be cool and smart and have the hottest girlfriend in school. I can have it all. But I need to work harder.

I won’t go back to the way I was.

Never again.

Monday, November 5th

Something weird is happening with Sunset.

We met up in school today, and when I reached out to kiss her, she groaned. I guess she wasn’t in a good mood, but then when we sat together at lunch and I tried to put my arm over her shoulder, she poked me in the ribs with her elbow. Like, really hard. I’m not sure what I did wrong. We’ve been dating for about a month now, so I thought we’d been at first base all this time. Then when I offered to walk her home, she freaked out and yelled at me. I don’t know what’s going on with her, but it’s scaring me.

And that isn’t the worst part.

Last week, she ordered two kids, I think it was Snips and Snails, to get her some snacks, and they ran off like she’d threatened to hurt them. A few seconds later, they were back with a sack full of candy and chips and other stuff, and they gave it to her like they were offering a tribute to a monster. Whenever she walks down the halls, other kids get out of her way like she’s a shark in the ocean. On the night of the Halloween dance, one girl in this really cute outfit tried to talk to her like she’d done something wrong. I didn’t hear everything, but a few seconds after they fought, I saw Sunset sneak up behind the girl and pull her skirt down in front of everyone. The girl was so embarrassed, she ran out of the gym crying.

What is happening to her?

Monday, November 12th

Took me a while, but I finally worked up the courage to ask Sunset what’s going on with her lately. I was afraid to after seeing her throw a rock at some birds last Wednesday. She didn’t hit any of them, but I saw the look on that animal-loving girl’s face (Fluttershy, I think is her name). She looked like she was about to cry. Then Sunset walked up to her and said something I couldn’t hear (something like “That’s what you get”). Then she really did cry.

I asked Sunset what her problem was, and all she said was “Nothing”. I kept asking, but she kept telling me there was no problem.

I love her, but something has to change. I can’t let her keep doing this. It’s time to stand up to her and let her know enough is enough.

Friday, November 16th

She dumped me.

For the last five days, I’ve done nothing but try to figure out why Sunset won’t tell me what’s going on, and it happened today at lunch. Right there, in the middle of the cafeteria, I heard it. Right as I walked up to her table, I heard it. I barely got out a single word, and I heard it.

“SHUT UP! We’re not dating anymore, so just go away!”

And she got up and walked away.

I feel sick. I’ve been crying ever since I got home and I haven’t stopped. Brawly, our band’s drummer, called twice to see if I could come over and practice, but I said no. My mom knocked on my door three times and I asked her to leave me alone each time. Now that she’s seen my grades, this only makes everything look worse. And now, just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, my girlfriend, the love of my life, dumps me in front of everyone.

What did I do? I helped her with her homework. I told her everything she wanted to know about Canterlot High and the students and teachers. I helped her get her grades up, and I even helped her cheat on those tests, against my conscience. And after all that, this is how she repays me?

What did I do wrong?

Was it even my fault?

Is it my new look? It can’t be. I’m cool now. I’m popular now. Everyone likes me now. And I haven’t been bullied in months.

What’s wrong with me?

Monday, November 19th

I’ve been in my bed crying and avoiding people all weekend, and now it’s time to stop. No more crying like that weak, nerdy little Flash. That little boy is gone, and the cool, smooth, popular Flash is going to find a way to win Sunset back.

Whatever it takes, I’ll earn her love again. I won’t go back to the lonely loser I was. I won’t go back to being alone.

Never again.

Wednesday, November 21st

The Fall Formal is coming soon, and I plan on meeting Sunset there. I asked if she wanted to go with me, but she just walked away like I wasn’t even there. I can’t even put it into words how angry and frustrated I am right now. But I’m done crying. She won’t ignore me while we’re at the Formal. She can’t. It’s a public place, and everyone will be watching. She can’t possibly make an excuse to ignore me in front of so many people watching her, especially if she wants to be crowned Princess of the Formal so badly.

Friday, November 22nd

The Fall Formal is tomorrow. Sunset’s been doing some last-minute campaigning for the Princess title. Not that she needs to. The whole school’s so afraid of her, no one would dare consider giving the crown to anyone else. And once she steps onto that stage, that’s when I start my plan.

I have my best tux all lined up and ready. My hair is gelled and on-point. I have my best cologne ready. And once Sunset is crowned Princess, I’ll step up and ask her to dance, as her Prince.

And her reputation will decide whether she says yes or no.

She loved me once. And I swear, I’ll get her back or die trying.

Sunday, December 1st

Haven’t written in a while. Haven’t had the strength. Haven’t really had the strength for anything lately.

I guess because pawns aren’t strong.

Fall Formal was a disaster. Everyone was there. Sunset waltzed in like she owned the place (God, she looked so sexy in that dress, figures she wouldn’t get punished for showing off that much skin, though). Sunset was crowned Princess of the Formal, like she wanted. So I made my move.

After she was crowned, right before the dance started again, I asked her to dance, right in front of everyone. Can’t remember much of what I said exactly, but I was so happy when she accepted. The slow music started, I took her hand, and I danced with her.

Like the pawn I am.

I heard her whisper in my ear, “You’re pathetic. You need to give up.”

I said something along the lines of, “I gave you everything.”

She said, “And that’s all I needed from you.”

I said “So this is how you treat me?”, and “You loved me once”, and maybe some other stuff.

And I’ll never forget what she whispered to me that night:

“I never loved you. You were just a pawn. You told me who was who in this school. You got me in good with the teachers. You gave me the weak points I needed and I found the rest out on my own. All you were, was a cover with a pretty face. I took what I needed, and now you’re useless to me. And as soon as we’re done dancing, you are going to turn around and walk out of this gym like the loser you are.”

The rest of the night was just a blur. We danced. I remember that. The music stopped. I remember that, too. But everything else just ran together. Don’t even know how long I was there after the dance ended. I don’t even remember walking out of the gym. But I must have.

Which means Sunset was right. I walked out of that gym like a loser. Like a pawn.

A useless, miserable, heartbroken pawn.

Monday, January 13th

I’m lucky to be able to string words together right now. It doesn’t help. Nothing helps anymore. My guitar, my new look, nothing makes me feel better anymore. My grades are even worse. My bandmates are talking about replacing me. My mom is always either angry or worried, and now the whole school knows Sunset and I broke up.

They don’t really care, but they know.

I could tell them what really happened, but there’s no point. The whole school fears her. No one will do anything about her. And I put her where she is to begin with. I can’t bring her down without the rest of the school hating me again. Just like they did before.

They won’t do that. I can’t say anything. I won’t be that rejected loser.

Never again.

Wednesday, January 29th

Trying to write again. Still the same as before. Nothing mattered then, and nothing matters now. And since I’m the loser that made Sunset into the queen of Canterlot High, nothing ever will matter. I have another three-and-a-half years before graduation. I can’t talk to anyone before then.

I won’t last that long.

Friday, February 14th

Valentine’s Day.

I see all the happy couples giving each other cards and chocolates, and kissing all over school grounds.

I hate them all. I don’t want to, but I do. All they did was find someone who didn’t use them like a filthy rag and throw them away.

Why should I hate them?

Maybe I don’t after all? Maybe I just hate myself? Makes sense.

I am a pathetic pawn.

And I can’t live with that anymore.

Monday, March 3rd

Help me. Please.

I can’t do this anymore.

Sunset still runs the school. My bandmates don’t even talk to me anymore. My mother is more clingy than ever. And I’ll never be able to pick my grades back up before graduation. So why bother? Why struggle if it’s all pointless? I can’t do it, so why bother trying? I’m done trying.

I’m done trying to have it all and getting nothing. I’m done trying to find love, to be accepted, to fit in. I’m done trying to learn. To work.

To live.

Tuesday, March 11th

I’m scared.

I walked home from school today, and I did something I never thought I’d do.

This big truck drove past me as I walked.

I almost ran out in front of it.

I’ve been studying and working my fingers to the bone just to tread water, but my grades are better now. Mom’s not as suffocating now that I’m doing better. So what’s wrong with me?

I think it has something to do with Sunset. All I did was see her walking down the hall today, and now I feel just the way I did a month ago.

In fact, I felt exactly the way I felt in the Fall Formal, when Sunset rejected me.

The memories are just as fresh now as they were then.

And now, I actually almost wanted to . . .

. . . die?

Thursday, March 20th

I’ve been staring at the pair of scissors on my bedside table for the last twenty minutes. I want to use them.

Sunset is worse than ever, and I feel even more trapped than before. Mom, the school, my grades, Sunset . . . it’s all running together into this big mess I can’t control. I feel like there’s some kind of monster tearing up my insides every time I think about it all.

And those scissors look like the perfect thing to cut the thing out with.

And if I die?

Well, I won’t have to worry about it.

Ever again.

Sunday, April 13th

I’ve got a lot of catching up to do.

Mom found my journal last month after I left it open. She knows everything. How I tried to change myself to keep the bullies away, how I tried to be Sunset’s boyfriend, how I cheated, how Sunset used me—all of it.

We fought. I forget a lot of what we said. Something about how she was worried about me and I shouldn’t be keeping secrets. Something about how I thought she’d never understand and that I needed to change. Something about how she thought I needed therapy. I probably should’ve taken that last part seriously.

I might not have tried to slash my wrists if I had.

She caught me after I cut one wrist and called the hospital. I was bandaged up and put on suicide watch. I’d never been more scared in my whole life. One minute, I’m snapped out of staring at my blood dripping out of me by a knock at my bedroom door. Next minute, I’m strapped to a hospital bed with a cop standing outside the door. All I could do in that bed at first was shake, and I could only barely do that, I was so tightly strapped down. So, I did the only other thing I could.

I cried.

I sat there in my bed, feeling the straps burning marks into me, and I cried. I couldn’t hide away. I couldn’t cover my face. I couldn’t blow my nose. I just cried. I cried myself hoarse, and then I cried with a sore throat. I cried myself to sleep, then I woke up and cried some more. I cried when the doctors came in to try and force some food or water down my throat. I cried when my mom brought me my guitar and sang to me. I even cried when they released me long enough to use the bathroom. But even that small bit of freedom didn’t matter, because as soon as they strapped me down again, I cried even more.

And then one day, I stopped crying.

I’m not sure exactly why, but I’m sure it had something to do with my mom. She’d gone to all these lengths to keep me alive, to snap me out of whatever it was I was going through, because she loved me.

“Not talking to me, hiding your grades, changing your clothes, your hair, doing all these things to make yourself look good, I was afraid you were becoming a delinquent.”

Whatever else she said to me, from the moment I saw her staring at me and my slashed wrist to the moment she said those words, nothing else hit me harder. My mom thought she was losing me, and I had no idea.

I was so focused on myself, I didn’t stop to consider her feelings.

Needless to say, I spent another good long time crying. Not for myself, but for my mom. Who was willing to have me locked up against my will just to save my life.

I think that about covers everything so far. After almost a month, I’m being taken off suicide watch, but I still have to stay for counseling. Might as well be voluntary. I’d probably stay even if they let me go.

I’m not ready to go back out there just yet.

Wednesday, April 16th

Sunset sent me flowers. Even as I’m writing this, it feels weird.

They’re just a bunch of cheap pink daisy-looking things, but they are flowers. Word is spreading at school about my “accident”, but I’m sure no one really knows what happened. They all think I cut myself by accident and was rushed to the emergency room. I’ve been keeping busy with homework my mom brings me, and on top of that, piles and piles of get well cards and bouquets keep showing up.

At first, I was angry. Knowing so many people wished me well, after a lifetime of being abused for no reason, brought up an ugly rage that must have been the leftovers of that weak, nerdy kid I used to be. He might have been weak, but he could be a real monster if pushed the wrong way.

Then I remembered how much they liked me now, and how I’d never even been very hated in high school to begin with. I don’t think anyone really remembers the kid I used to be, and only sees me as the smooth, talented, cool guy who was always happy. It finally made me realize that I’d done it. I was cool.

But at what cost? My grades? My feelings? My honesty?

My identity?

The flowers from Sunset came today, along with a card:

“It would look bad if I didn’t show concern. We’re still not dating, and we never will.”

I’ve looked at it a thousand times by now. I could recite it by memory. Seeing it in writing makes it so much more final, even more so than when she said it at the Fall Formal.

But I won’t cry.

I’m done crying over her. She knew what she wanted from me all along, and she got it. She never wanted my love, so I’ll never get it back. I can’t get back what never existed. All she wanted were my brains, my status, and my connections.

And I’m okay with that. I got something from her too. Her status improved mine. I have friends who took my side after she broke up with me. I have a band (who sent me a demo disk of songs they wrote, most of them for me as an apology for almost kicking me out). And they all showed how much they care. Even if they don’t realize the Flash Sentry they’re looking at isn’t really me, they still care enough. They care for a fake persona, but at least they care. And I got that more from Sunset than any leather jacket or fancy guitar could ever have given me.

The important thing is that I stop allowing her to hurt me. She won’t hurt me anymore.

Never again.

Saturday, April 26th

I’m being released today. I couldn’t afford to lose out on any more school. But I got caught up on my homework, and by some miracle, my grades are all back up. All As and Bs from here on out. Mom was so happy, she gave me a really big surprise. Since I was in the hospital during tax season, she used her returns to buy me a car. Now I have something to practice with to get my license, and when I have it, it’s all mine.

I don’t know why this doesn’t make me happier. I should be over the moon, but I’m not. Is it Sunset? Am I still hung up on her? That can’t be. I gave up on her weeks ago. Then why?

Maybe not showing my feelings for so long and then falling apart underneath it all took a toll on me. Maybe keeping all my feelings bottled up finally caught up with me. Maybe I haven’t gotten used to my new meds yet, and I’m still feeling lousy about everything.

Or maybe I’m still keeping the truth to myself. How the cool, blue-haired, guitar-playing Flash Sentry isn’t real. How angry I am that people like the fake me instead of the real me. How I’m just as guilty of using Sunset as she is of using me.

I don’t know for sure. But this can’t go on. I have to get through school. And I can’t let my mom down. Not now. Not after all of this.

I’ll try to write more often. My therapist said it was a good idea to write more regularly than I have been. I think she might have been right.

Monday, April 28th

I’ve never felt more loved.

My bandages are off and my mood is composed, so it looks like I’d never even left. But with so many kids at school hugging me and asking if I’m okay and telling me it’s good to see me, you’d think I’d just come back from war. I’d left a bigger impression than I ever thought possible.

I wish I knew for sure whether they missed the real me, or just the me I’ve shown them all year, the me that was too afraid to show his true colors and risk losing friends.

It’s good to be loved. It may be fake, but it’s still a welcome change, I can’t even describe it, even now after school, when I have all the time in the world. Not just because it feels good, but because maybe it doesn’t feel so good. It may be a good feeling, but it’s all fake. They only missed Flash Sentry the cool guy, and not Flash Sentry the shy, quiet nerd. Does it feel good because it’s real, or just because it’s better than the way I’ve been feeling even if it is a poor substitute for the real thing?

I don’t know.

But I might just keep the look. And whether all the adoration and well-wishing is real or not, that isn’t the reason.

I passed Sunset in the hall today. She’s looking more intimidating than ever. And by now, the whole student body bends to her will. What’s worse, those five girls I’d always seen hanging out together don’t seem to be friends anymore. Even Fluttershy looks really angry, and that’s a face I never thought she was capable of showing.

Whatever Sunset did to them, it worked. They may never speak again.

I think a part of all the good attention I've been getting is because someone went and spread a rumor that I was the one who broke up with Sunset. They all seem to think her outburst on me at lunch five months ago was made after I said we were done, then tried to undo what I'd said. There's something going around about me dumping her for good at the Fall Formal, too.

Am I going to set the record straight? No. Because I know exactly who started those rumors. And it's a pretty dirty trick to try and gain sympathy from an entire school that hates you.

We stopped and faced each other in that hallway, just before class. Now that my head is a lot clearer, I can remember every word she and I said.

“We’re still not dating anymore. You served your purpose.”

“I know, Sunset.”

“I’m just warning you. Any more funny moves, and a hospital stay will be the least of your worries.”

I sighed when I heard that. It was true. She really was a monster. But I won’t let her get to me anymore.

“You know, Sunset, I feel sorry for you.”

She scoffed, as if I’d insulted her. “You? Feel sorry for me? Why?”

“Because, as angry as I am and as much as I want to see you taken down, I get the feeling you’re hurting, too. Just like me. And I wouldn’t wish that pain on anyone else. Not even a horrible person like you.”

And that was it. She walked away. I walked away. And I made it to class on time.

Wednesday, April 30th

I’ve decided I’m keeping the hair, the jacket and the contacts. I’m getting a lot better with the guitar, and if I practice driving all summer, I should have my license before the next school year starts. I know it seems like I’m denying who I really am, but the way things are now, I can accept that this is my future. Before, I was just a nerdy kid trying to look hip for the in-crowd. I still am, but it works. And it will keep working until school ends.

I don’t even care whether I’m keeping it because I want to or just because everyone else likes it.

The things I’ve been through only made me stronger. Strong enough to push through every day and still smile. Strong enough to hear laughing behind my back, and totally blow it off. Strong enough to keep getting better, at school, at music, at whatever I set my mind to. Strong enough to walk up to any girl in school and talk to her without feeling low. And especially, strong enough to leave the old me behind.

I know what kind of person Sunset is now. And I know what people like her are really after. They don’t want anything for anyone except themselves, and they’ll manipulate whomever they have to to get it. That’s not me anymore. I may not be strong or secure enough to tell Principal Celestia what kind of person Sunset really is—because let’s face it, it would mean admitting what kind of person I really am—but I’m certainly strong enough to know what she’s capable of. And I will never forget the way she made me feel.

I won’t fall for her tricks again. Or anyone else’s. The boy who would have let her get to him died a month ago after slitting his wrist. He’s gone, and I’m here. And I won’t be hurt by her, or anyone.

Never again.