Steps Like ClockworkView OnlineAtelophobiaSteps Like Clockworkthey orbit around Her four hooves of lavender clad in slippers stitched with stars as she does her mechanical dance and continues yet another pattern revolving around Her because this is a grand party this great gala is a once in a lifetime trip for some and all she wants is to glimpse Her to talk to Her to see Her and to bask in Her shadow and talk talk talk of anything at all to make Her proud everything to tell Her just how amazing a teacher ruler goddess twilight thought She was to fashion somepony like her into the hero that She needed her to be and that she still watches each sunrise and new dawn no matter how far away she is when she can relishing in the light and how She was perfect because She's beauty She's grace She's perfect
Chasing Shadows View OnlineAtelophobiaChasing Shadows Chasing Shadows she knew that after nightmare night that it must be true She too was a goddess a night-dark mare who beneath everything that made Her dark and different were redeeming perfections She was divine and flawless ideal in every way working Her way into twilight's mind like a nonstop fever she knew everything about Her in that one visit and only anticipated every perfect result of confessing to the mare of the moon by dragging darkness into light because she knew her teacher's sister because it all made sense because one confession later she'd have a future with Luna everything would be simply perfect and perfection was what twilight sparkle loved
The Fault of a Mechanical MindView OnlineAtelophobiaThe Fault of a Mechanical Mindeverything had been perfect twilight sparkle knew this and then she went to canterlot where her dark goddess, who only needed to see light, was waiting and she asked Her and assured Her that She was perfect and she knew exactly what She was going through no matter how many times She said that twilight sparkle was wrong because that couldn't be it shouldn't have ended with Her saying 'no' again and again and not understanding that twilight knew She was lonely She needed light She needed to be adored She needed to be like everypony and Celestia and laugh and smile and talk like they did and do as they did and see everything it shouldn't have ended with twilight crying on the train back and sitting in the library for days because she had known that her and Luna would have been perfect she knew everything about Her from that nightmare night and nothing could go wrong because Luna was perfect and twilight sparkle didn't fail and what had gone wrong? nothing twilight was half-perfect, she knew this and Luna who only needed light and ponies and everything good was perfect too except... what if Luna was wrong? twilight sparkle didn't fail and if Luna wasn't perfect—horror racked twilight's brain at the thought—then... Luna was wrong troubled isolated and all the things that twilight's mechanical brain knew should not be because she didn't know how lonely she was how wrong she had been until She, Celestia, had her make friends here in Ponyville and twilight knew that Luna must be exactly the same because twilight sparkle was almost perfect and twilight sparkle did not fail and her mind of everything in order and everything expected and predictable knew this knew that she was right because it was the simplest thing, an easy, nice, conclusion it made sense it was normal it was the thing that most ponies would agree with it was what happened to her and what she agreed with because nopony as alone as that could be happy and even though most of her friends had given her hugs a few gifts some reassuring looks and many kind words they gave her the space to be alone—now that word felt like a curse— and work out the things that they said only she could even though she was sure that if anypony could help her clean up this ugly mess that didn't follow order and seemed far too deep a rabbit hole instead of neat surface matters as it should be it would be her friends but rarity stayed she helped dust the books twilight almost forgot about (and complained the whole time about the nature of dust) suggested gems for spike (quartz was simply inadequate for a proper snack) spruced up the library with a new table cloth just for her (how it managed to draw twilight's gaze to it all the time, she didn't quite know) and stopped by with silly romance novels that were so tragic, cheesy, silly, just plain melodramatic that twilight couldn't help but laugh when her and rarity read them rarity talked about unrequited love and dramas and an old coltfriend here or an old marefriend that did that and complained about a horrible smoothie she had once twilight sparkle thought it was a little more than 'almost' perfect but she never quite thought about why just that she knew now that Luna may not be perfect like Celestia Author's Note The incident with Luna that Twilight mentions is a separate story that I published a while ago, and can be found right here.
Her Soul is VileView OnlineAtelophobiaHer Soul is Vilea mirror never lies about the outside but everything within is left up to guess unless you can read between lines and match everything and every little trick and double meaning in action weaving a mental image of a pony's soul from every little clue presented to you this door discards that it shows you some of what was on the inside and haunts you with it by showing you your greatest fear fathomable not a fear of the moment or monsters under the bed mere phobias are just second-best and would never be presented so obviously when true fear could be used instead and artless twilight sparkle opens that door like martyr unaware and sees that her greatest fear is not those she loves dead or pain or even gone or herself unrecognizable equestria, fallen no nothing like that twilight sparkle fears imperfection on the smallest level in the very depths of her soul there is nothing more horrific and painful than Celestia's disapproval and if only this could be called selfish but twilight sparkle whose eyes cloud over with the kind of magic she knows nothing of has had everything reflected in her eyes but nothing shining within them hollow, except for a spark
Love and Song in Victory's ClarityView OnlineAtelophobiaLove and Song in Victory's Claritydoors fling open and she smiles with a cry if her success her greatest fear alleviated and her friends to carry her up again an adventure under wraps reduced to one checked box on just another list in the mind of twilight sparkle who finally passed her test and there She is all that doubt you can dismiss with a voice like a song and Her eyes so blue visible because She lifts Her hoof of pure white to place under twilight's chin so that their eyes could meet and She could tell her of approval and passed tests and twilight sparkle feels a click in a heart like clockwork and knows she loves Rarity Rarity is Perfect and twilight loves Perfect in any possible way and the world around them six ponies, one dragon feels like it is singing with the success of twilight sparkle
She Knows Not That Light Only BlindsView OnlineAtelophobiaShe Knows Not That Light Only Blindswhere something like stars dance around them twilight sparkle and Her, the Sun Goddess stand and almost float in something like pure magic as memories like check boxes on some Grand Plan float on by and Celestia talks with the passion of any ballad of how proud She is and twilight thinks she might die at those words if she hasn't already she worked hard, Celestia says she used skills, not for herself (the thought makes twilight cringe) but for everypony else she bettered equestria not herself twilight sparkle does not like to be selfish because She says she should not be and so it is and twilight sparkle feels her own magic and something much, much more transform her and make her almost-anew and alter her and everything twilight cannot fathom (not that she would ever acknowledge that) on her blind walk to what she thinks is destiny or has to be where light shines everywhere and cloaks her (she feels that it illuminates instead of blinds, after all, it is the dark that blinds, not the light) because when she looks around at the ground of ponyville She is bowing too and twilight is (almost) in Her image Author's Note [This story was revised for print on 9/6/2020]
Darkness Be PurgedView OnlineAtelophobiaDarkness Be Purgedlittle twilight sparkle within stone ruins like jaws yawning at her sorrow only wants in her heart of hearts to see another dawn golden sunlight that bleeds around Her Celestia who this monster is not with her black coat her sharp fangs her laugh so cruel and a demon's eyes but all the stars stand with her while little twilight sparkle watches the shards of the only tool to bring about the Sun's light shatter and she can only stare at the mare who came from the moon like she was their goddess and in her horror note every imperfection of this dark beast before her and it rips at her heart
And When Faith is ShakenView OnlineAtelophobiaAnd When Faith is Shakenlooking out at a world it's easy to see why everything is just wrong and out of place and pointless or that destiny and purpose is just some lie as everything around her crumbles and changes cotton candy clouds sail across the sky and she watches them rain chocolate milk on a world that terrifies the heart, mind, and soul within her little monochrome body not because the world of checkered hills and three second nights has changed but because it feels exactly the same and she could be wrong and she could fail and mistakes could happen the sun might not rise and her crown only weighed heavier on her head at not seeing pleasing Her again and passing every test like She said she should saving the day her friends her family Equestria being the hero Celestia wanted her to be and the thought of good not winning made the world feel even more upside down than it was where buffalo danced ballet and applejack lied and rainbow dash betrayed pinkie frowned fluttershy taunted rarity hoarded and twilight sparkle felt very wrong outside of the sun's shadow where she could be nothing but small without Her to loom and order and smile and praise and shine and approve
Darkness Defines LightView OnlineAtelophobiaDarkness Defines Lightlight and shadow day and night tyrant who she sees from the world outside the crystal window that frames the latest landscape of her latest adventure—that word leaves her with such a sour feeling—that she only wants to leave because there's a destination that's important and a journey that she can forgo since the end is what matters what makes things perfect or a failure and that is all that matters and opposing this tyrant was her and her friends good, brave heroes acting as they should under the words of Celestia to save to preserve to shed light upon and to spread the magic of friendship she had to pass this latest test and unlike lost gods and monsters this time her foe was a pony (or so she thought, Celestia had called him a unicorn and she didn't doubt Her) and a pony with power unseen and magic that was unreal and unheard of as though he stood on a bridge between mortal and god black and white and that should not exist perfection and imperfection good and evil pass or fail ultimately, twilight knew everything boiled down to either or one or the other in the end as Celestia said you must choose and twilight was to be a hero a spark an element a friend a savior not because she wanted to but because she already was and She wanted her to be and twilight wanted to be perfect sombra was not perfect could not be perfect he was a conqueror a brute a murderer he could not be right if twilight let him win there would be no perfection there would be failure and twilight knew that those who were good like Her and her friends and everypony that wasn't like them: monsters, murderers, thieves, and all things awful were right and that no matter what because She told her long ago and twilight knew in her heart and mind that evil was imperfect evil was always wrong and so was sombra
