Equestria Terrestrial

by PBJFanFiction

Rating: mature
Tags: Romance, Mystery, Comedy, Human, Slice of Life
Length: 2554

Celestia left her nation behind, not willingly, of course.

Discord has been trapped in stone for quite the time. When he breaks free he hears wind of some of Celestia's wrongdoings.

Deciding to have some fun, he sent Celestia to a different universe.

But why does Celestia blame herself for what happened?

Don't know whether or not I should continue this. ILY, LuLu may unfortunately have to be cancelled in light of some other projects.

Hey, if this works out, this could be a cool friggin story. Who knows?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2017-05-12 04:10:01 UTC

Lost in Translation

Lost in Translation

You know, being kind has its downsides.

Being absolutely shut down is one thing. When someone doesn't want help from you even though they may not show it, being snapped at kinda hurts.

But one day it's gonna kill me, I swear, if I keep being nice to people one is gonna sock me hard. That day came sooner than I thought, which was today. I picked up someone's dropped phone and handed it to him, and then he fucking kicked my ass.

I never knew why thought. It just kinda hurt to think that acts of kindness can be retaliated as so. It just makes me think.

I pull the park lever on my car and pull the key out of the ignition. This was my second car (the first one I sold to my friend to get a better car) and this one was a nice used hatchback. Perfect for town driving.

I pressed the button and heard the car squeak as it locked it’s deadbolts. I slung my worn satchel over my shoulder and entered the apartment complex.

Well, it was a quadruplex, really. I was just on the top floor, so I walked up the stairs.

There it was. 2A being my apartment, I slid the key inside and twisted the lock. The door opened with ease.

Stepping into the apartment, I smelled the usual smell of my house: the slightly dusty yet slightly fragranced smell that I couldn’t get rid of. The door shut behind me, and I slung my bag onto the couch.

The apartment itself was not that great. The windows seemed a little dirty regardless on how powerful your window cleaner is, the carpet flooring is slightly frayed and then there is that slightly perfumey smell which I have gotten used to, and the gas stove didn’t like to turn on sometimes.

But it was cheap, and a really good distance from a supermarket, other stores and most importantly my job.

I work as a store manager for a general store in New Plymouth. The red-with-white-stripes Warehouse logo never got old. The job was okay, and the position wasn’t too many hours.

At least it paid decently, at least above minimum wage. It also let him boss people around, but taking care to be nice to people helps.

At least, that is store rules. Outside the store environment my uniform means nothing, which means that they don’t have to be afraid of store-related punishment for misbehaving. That leads to a rather unsettled feeling in my stomach.

Just don’t be nice to people, right? It’s such an odd concept, though. Coming from someone who didn’t want to just ignore that person in trouble.

Then again, I’m troubled myself, and who comes to help me?

Nobody, of course. I’m on my own in this little apartment, with my enjoyable job and my weekends spent hanging with friends online and occasionally in real life. It’s not lonely, yet not crowded.

I flopped onto the couch, sighing. Today’s work had been rather difficult, but it was a Friday. Some rowdy teenagers were causing mischief again and they got a boot from the store. Simple enough.

But these guys didn’t want to leave. They put up a fight, throwing excuses, and as soon as we kicked them out we got reports of other stores being annoyed by these kids.

Fucking teenagers man. Always being edgy.

I reached for the coffee table, where a remote sat. It was six o’clock, and it was time for the news. Switching on the TV, soon enough some ads flickered to the screen. Nothing of interest in the advertisements.

The news program began and the headlines scrolled through my head, waiting for something of interest.

My eyes bugged at a certain headline that made him shake my head in disbelief, wondering how the fuck something like that could happen.

As it turns out, weather stations in metropolis cities were starting to get reports of air having slightly worrying numbers of varying elements, such as nitrogen and carbon.

Now, air has always been O2, and I doubt O2N or… Oh.

Introducing carbon to the air meant the air was getting poisoned, by means such as CO2, or carbon dioxide. Basically, the stuff you breath out cause it has no oxygen value to it.

New Zealand had zero reports so far. I rubbed my forehead as the uninteresting news headlines were talked. Leaving the screen on I walked into my kitchen.

Opening the fridge, I pulled out a glass container with some pre made food inside. I had made it two nights before and kept a bunch to cook later. Tonight was a chicken curry. I tossed into a saucepan and before long (the long part being trying to turn the stove on) the chicken was heating up. Huffing in content I moved back to the couch, lounging onto it.

My phone buzzed. Pulling it out of my pocket I saw a text message from my friend:

Brandon

Hey dude, your week been good?

6:12 PM

I swiped over it to bring up the chat dialogue.

I’m doing fine. Just heating dinner and stuff, I typed on the keyboard and hit ‘send’. The satisfying subtle whoosh noise was heard, and it went from tick to a blue double tick signifying he read the message.

typing…

Nice. I got Jane down here tomorrow. You wanna catch up?

I smiled. At least I had something to do with my weekend. Sounds good. Food court or park?

Park sounds good, Brandon replied, Talk to you later, Hen. His name flashed ‘offline’ underneath it afterward.

Great, something to do with tomorrow! I hope he meant the small park where no one goes to, because that would be awesome. We connived in changing a little something in the rotten wood jungle gym.

Meanwhile, my dinner was heated with the telltale sound of bubbling liquid. I dashed over and turned off the stove, then poured the curry into a bowl.

Checking the time, I decided to go for a rare evening jog. I don’t exercise much, and as a result the padding is a bit noticeable, but not like some of those McDonald's addicts. Quickly putting the potatoes and chicken down my throat I changed into some casual clothes and left, locking the door on the way out.

“What’s not fun in a little chaos?” A voice rang across the hall, bouncing across the stained glass windows. In the center stood a white horned pegasus (or a winged unicorn, which sounded nicer in retrospect) and a smaller navy blue version. Both had hair that defied gravity, floating off their hair like it was no weight at all.

“You may want to stop dawdling around, Discord. My student and her friends will find the Elements of Harmony before you stop chatting with me.” The white horse had a female tone to her voice.

“Oh-ho! But they’re not going to find them for a while. You see, I hid them somewhere absolutely obvious, but by golly, they didn’t pick it up at all!” A figure moved on the stained glass, what looked like a serpent with a horse head and a mix match of different animals making up his limbs and tail. He wore a large grin on his face. “But why can’t I have some fun with my two favourite ponies?”

The horses were silent, glaring daggers to the bemused expression of Discord. “Why, Celestia, even thought I was encased in stone, I couldn’t help but overhear from a little birdie that you banished your special sister to the moon…” He laughed as Celestia’s eyes narrowed, her head ornament sliding slightly at the adjustment.

Discord slipped down the glass… and became the floor. A tiled version of himself slid across until he was right in front of Celestia and her younger counterpart. The tiles peeled away, leaving a standing mess of marble tiles.

“Maybe it is time for a little medicine, hm? Perhaps your own?”

Celestia caught on. “You do realise even you are not powerful enough to send me as far as the sun,” she said.

“But Celestia! You do not realise how much power I had built up encased in stone. I could send you across to an entirely different galaxy!” Celestia gasped. “But no, no, I have a much better idea. How does a new universe sound?”

Celestia was mortified. “But I have a country to run!” A bead of sweat travelled down her muzzle.

“I’m pretty sure you earned a well deserved break,” Discord mused, “I mean, you did rule a thousand years alone.”

“But the country isn’t ready to lose me! Don’t do it, please!” She begged, becoming desperate as to not be winked out of existence.

“Oh, but they have Luna, don’tcha think?” He dragged a marble eagle talon up the blue one’s chin, making her wings twitch and her glare harden. He pulled back. “Tough crowd.”

He snapped his fingers. “I’d say goodbye, but I’ll just leave you a bit of advice.”

Celestia felt some force take hold of her and she looked down to find that her legs were showing signs of crumbing. “What kind of sick and twisted advice do you want to give me?”

“You may want an adaptive breathing-”

Celestia’s hearing shut off, no surprise her ears starting to deteriorate.

The blue one, probably named Luna, watched in horror as her sister disintegrated to dust in front of her. She turned to Discord and yelled, “What kind of murder dost thou commit to sate your desires?” She growled at the draconequus.

“Huh, whatever,” Discord said, “Are you ready to run a country, love?”

Luna had no words to describe what she had witnessed. Her own sister was gone, just a pile of dust already clearing in the wind. She fell to her bent legs as she looked at the dispersing dust.

“You sick, perverted twit.”

Celestia felt extremely dizzy, feeling herself thrown side to side.

Her eyes were squeezed shut in pain, the blinding speed whipping against her. By some miracle, her regalia didn’t fall off in the speedway.

She felt herself hit something hard, and she stopped moving.

But she had a really odd feeling of not being able to breathe, like she was underwater.

Opening her eyes, she felt a sharp sting and she shut them, hissing under her breath.

“Adaptive breathing, sweetheart.” Celestia remembered that sometimes she would need a spell to travel to places with different air, but this was a different case.

Her horn lit up, and she felt the dryness cool up and she drew a gulp of air in, being able to breathe.

But her eyes still stung when she opened it.

“Haxat zo bung axalo ug?” She heard some unknown language being spoken. She groaned as she cast a spell to protect her eyes.

“What the fuck are you?”

I had been jogging on a small unpopulated trail when something hit a tree, hard. It looked like a white quadruped. Upon closer inspection it was some horse, with an elongated muzzle and tall, slender legs.

She also had wings and a horn. That shit was impossible, only stuff of legends. Pegasi and unicorns are just kid’s tales, right?

The thing huffed, and her eyebrows quivered before he noticed a soft glow emanating from the pointed bone on her head.

Well, at least I hoped it was a girl. No fucking way was I going to check any other way.

The horse’s eyes blinked open. Her eyes were almost cartoonishly styled, with a soft light purple to her iris. I saw the pupil contract and open multiple times, probably trying to get into focus. It probably saw me because she suddenly gasped, it’s oddly metal-clad hooves scrambling to push itself away from me.

“Chaxaupp axawaxaupp! Proaxaso peniz whult vo!” My eyes widened as the mouth of the horse moved, speaking in what sounded like a woman’s voice.

Okay, so if the voice was to say anything, she was a woman. Or a female, whatever. Next, A FUCKING TALKING HORSE. I don’t give a shit what language it was speaking in, it was a horse. That talked.

“Hey, whatever you’re saying, I only speak English,” I said, stepping up to the female horse.

Her horn emanated the soft light again and I was tossed back as a golden bubble shot up around her. Great, it can make force fields. What now, she can do fucking anything?

“Pum'v keick te kot loi ox creso te whultick ug dib ug cemo cresol. Proaxaso, peniz cemo axabtol v-" The horse cut off her weird language suddenly. Once again, her fucking magical unicorn horn glowed, this time the shield falling and what looked like a ball of light to fall into her mouth, and the soft golden glow to cover her ears, soaking into her fur or some bullshit.

I sighed. “I’m going now, good luck-”

“Can you hear me?”

I turned back to her, hearing something soft coming from that direction. I said, “What was that?”

“I said, can you hear me?”

Aw fuck! Now I can’t get away with this! The winged unicorn couldn't know my language, but there was no mistaking the jaw movements as her mouth formulated the speech patterns.

“I hope that the translation spell worked…” Her voice seemed a lot more mother-like, now that she wasn’t seething and spitting with a language I had literally no understanding of.

“Weren’t you just speaking gibberish a second ago?” I put a hand on my chin, my heart racing as I was scared shitless.

“Equestrian?” She said, tilting her head.

You’re fucking kidding. “The fuck is Equestria, horse?” I stepped up to her. She had gotten off the ground, and I noticed a few more things. First, her hair was like a rainbow, but it denied gravity completely, floating passively in the nonexistent wind. Second, she had some weird tattoo of a sun on her flank. Third, she was a talking horse. That's just odd.

“So you know nothing of my home planet?” the white horse asked. I shook my head.

She sighed. “Alright, I best get going to find out to to su-”

I grumbled, “Don’t.”

“Huh?”

“Don’t go out there. If anyone else even sees you, you’re going to be in a laboratory quicker than ever before.”

“That’s unsettling. Why would they want to make me a lab rat?”

“Because you’re a fucking unicorn with wings! You don’t know this, but on this planet, you’re NOT SUPPOSED TO EXIST!” I seethed, leaning close to her muzzle. “You’re going to have to hide pretty damn well.”

“Uhh, would you be able to help me?”

“What?”

“Can you help me hide?”

I scratched the back of my head with my right hand. “That can be a problem.”

“Why?”

“Dude. Before I get you to a safe spot, you’d be spotted easily.”

The horse chuckled. “Oh, I can change that.” Her forehead glowed again and she seemed to waver out of existence. After a few seconds, the air wavered and she re-appeared. “Does that work?” She asked.

I sighed. “Come on, then. Let’s get you set up in a shelter or something.”

And thus began a weird fucking time.