My Little Heartbreak: Meanwhile, Back at the Farm

by Jet_Black1980

Chapters

Visitors of the Pony Kind
The Shower Scene
Balancing Act
Twenty-Five Minutes Ago
Light in the Attic
You Can't Fool Owls
Sleep With One Eye Open
Sweet Dreams Aren't Made of These
You Can Never Go Home.
Truce?
But I'm Never Right!
Sweet Apple Acres, The Place to Be?
Who's a Silly Pony?
Seeing the Seams.
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Apple Orchard
Hoof to the Head
Are We But Ponies?
Gettin' Sympathy from a Styre
Meanwhile: Back at the Library
Dragon's Wisdom
They Don't Grow Them That Big Where I'm From!
I'm Sleeping in the Barn
Sour Apples
Warm Apple Pie
'Malinae Malusae' Crab Apples
My Nightmare Begins
H.B. + A.J.
Of Mice and Mares
Invader Heartbreak
The Seventh Annual Hu-Mare Con
Come into my Parlor
Con Burn
Tea Time
Hitting the Fan
Return to the Farm
Cornered
Heart of Stone
Loose Ends
Closer Than You Imagine
Keep My Secrets
Spring Cleaning
Memories, Bittersweet Memories on the Shelf
Well, Apple Buck.
The Cows are Restless, the Sheep are Nervous.
Obscure Equestrian Mythology 101

Visitors of the Pony Kind

Chapter Three

Visitors of the Pony Kind

As I feared, the other books on the bookshelves were just as disorganized as the first. Twilight was not happy with this, but there was very little that could be done. The both of us realized that getting upset about this little thing was pretty pointless and nothing but a time waster.

She was able to correct all the books within a few hours, but the paper mess downstairs took me another full week to clean up. It’s discouraging to think that I still have a mess upstairs to work on. Though, I am glad that it is only in the bedroom area and not in any other room. I would hate to think about what it would look like if the bathroom was in the state that I left everything else in.

I look at the folders that now contain my drawings, sketches and writings. There’s about ten of them and, while they aren’t overstuffed, they don’t look like they are going to all fit in my saddle bags. I kind of wish that I had a file cabinet, or maybe a place of my own. I sigh. "Like Twilight would go along with that idea. It’s bad enough that I have been kept on a short leash for the past, what? Four weeks? Asking her about a place of my own right now would be a, ‘fffe-et no, H.B.!’"

I shake my head. If I continue that train of thought, I’ll start thinking negative things about Twilight. I don’t want to do that after all the nice things she has done for me. The basic supplies for bathing, sleeping and the food stuff? She didn’t have to do that. But she did anyway. And dinner last week was nice. We’ve had a bunch of other things during the following week, but I get the ebbing feeling that I can’t do this forever. I’ve done the ‘living off someone else’ bit before, and it annoyed me to no end.

Living in America during a time when jobs are kind of scarce is depressing enough. Living in a household where you feel like you aren’t contributing anything to the household? That’s just another layer of depressing.

Twilight has corrected all the books. Meaning that they aren’t inside out or upside down anymore. But I am to organize them. Sighing, I start to go to work on that.

Don’t get me wrong. I love libraries, bookstores, and books in general. Growing up, the library was a place I could go to get away from home. I eventually realized that if I did my chores fast enough, I could get to the library faster. From there I could just lose myself in the books.

If I was feeling really adventurous, I would walk to the local Barnes and Noble or Hastings. I could literally blow an entire afternoon just reading books and magazines. And Barnes and Noble had a comic book section!

I pick up a book in my mouth. Books are fun to read, not to taste. The way that Twilight has the whole of the library set up just doesn’t make any sense. This book is about ‘applied subliminal philanthropy,’ whatever the hell that is, but it is going into a section that has nothing to do with it! What’s more, it’s clear across the other side of the room. I just roll my eyes. Another day of bucking library duty. I never thought I would get sick of books, but Twilight is getting me really close.

Something out of the corner of my eye twinkles at me, and I turn my head to see what it is. I feel the book drop from my mouth. “What’s...that?”

It appears to be an out of place open door. I look around, and then walk through it.

==============================================================

I shake my head and look at the ground. I blink hard and then notice the book on the ground. “Darn it. How’d you get on the floor?” I look at the cover of the book. There is a bit of dampness on it. How other ponies keep things that they hold in their mouths dry is beyond me. Maybe I should ask Twilight about it.

About fifteen minutes later and I’m making a good deal of progress. I smile a bit. “I don’t organize things often,” I say, crossing my arms. “But when I do, it’s books!” I almost chuckle. A faint memory of the small library in Otis Orchards flutters through my head. There was a time I could have actually been a librarian there. Well, there was a chance I could have been. But I decided ‘nah, I want to move cross country for a girl I met on the internet!’ I sigh and roll my eyes at old poor life choices. Then I catch a whiff of myself.

“Ugh!” My own personal smell was something I couldn’t stand when I was human. That sour, salty musky smell. The smell that comes from working all night in a factory for twelve hours straight and then coming home to sit at the computer for another two hours. Horrible smell. And now add to that the smell of horse?

“Oh, Geeze. Bleh! When was the last time you took a shower, H.B.?” I look up the stairs. The prospect of coming back down the stairs is frightening, but not frightening enough to stop me from taking a shower. At least Twilight was kind enough to put any new bathroom items she thought I could use up there.

“Right. time to shower. Doesn’t matter that Twilight isn’t here. You have to start doing things for your own, H.B. And you shouldn’t have too much trouble figuring it out, right?” I look up worriedly at the bathroom. Holding things with my hooves is still near impossible and adding water to the mix isn’t making the equation any better. I roll my eyes and start to walk up the stairs. That’s when I hear a knocking at the library front door.

I sigh and turn around. Getting to the library door, I realize I still don’t know how to open the door handle with my hooves. You’d think after nearly over four weeks I would have figured this out. I stand up on my back hooves and look out the door’s little window.

That’s when a smiling aquamarine unicorn face bounces up to greet mine. Her bright yellow-orangish eyes and super smile identify her in my brain almost automatically. I jump back and bowl over in surprise.

“GAH!” I scream out.

“See?” comes a muffled voice from the other side of the door. “I knew that there was somepony in the library!”

"Shit! It’s Lyra. Lyra Heartstrings. Shit, shit, shit, shit!” I take a deep breath. “What are you panicking over H.B.? You have no reason to think that she is anything like the fanon would have you believe! There isn’t any reason to think that ponies even know about humans! Well, nopony but Celestia.”

“Hey! Is the library open yet?” comes another voice. That must be Bon-Bon. “We heard from Twilight that the library would be reopening today!”

“It better be,” Lyra says, through the door. “It’s been three weeks and I haven’t been able to pick up my books. What could be taking so long?”

I gingerly pick myself up and peer through the window again. “I don’t know. Twilight hasn’t told me anything. The library is cleaned up, but I haven’t finished reorganizing the books.”

“Hey!” Lyra jumps up against the door and looks at me. “You’re that one pony who needed to see the dentist! Heartbreak!” I drop down from the door.

“Yes, th-that would be me.” Alright H.B. just keep calm. “Really, I don’t know if the library is open or not.” I am not sure if I am ready to interact with other ponies, particularly a pony like Lyra.

“Well, Twilight said it was open, mind if we come in? We’ve been waiting on our books for a few weeks.” Bon-Bon says.

I whimper. “You can come in if you know what your books are, how to check them out, and don’t need to stay for too long.” Jeeze! You must sound like a total shut-in H.B.! Think of something to say! “Because I didn’t hear Twilight say anything about it, and I don’t want to upset her!” I shout out.

There is a pause, a little quiet murmur and then Lyra speaks. “Alright, it shouldn’t take too long to get the books we ordered.” Her voice is marred with a bit of annoyance. Great, I’m making a really good impression here for sure...there is another long pause. “Are you going to open the door anytime soon?” she asks me.

“Oh! Yes! Open the door!” I shout out. I look at the door knob. One of my many foes. I reach my hoof out and push it against the round surface. Closing my eyes, I hope for the sweet clicking sound. All I am met with is the sound of metal rattling. I roll my eyes and attempt to wrap my wrist around it. This too is met with some serious grief. Finally, I wrap both wrists around the door and make a persistent effort in opening this fucking door handle. It slowly turns bit by bit until I am met with the wonderful chiming click of the door opening. Then I am met with the sudden and swift realization of the door opening way too fast. “Gah!” Seems everyday; I’m tumbling.

“About time!” Lyra says, looking at me.

“Lyra..” Bon-Bon says, rolling her eyes.

“What?” she looks over at me, and makes a face. I might be some sort of sight, due to her reaction. “What I mean is that it took a long time, Bon-Bon.” she offers me a hoof up. I put my hoof out to take hers, only to find it slip out of her ‘grasp’. She looks at me strangely, and I grimace. “Did you need any help opening the door?” I push myself up. The question reminds me of the obvious. Hooves aren’t hands and hands aren’t hooves. I feel rather unpleasant emotions trying to bubble up. Lyra backs away from me. “Whoa! Are you ok?”

I stamp my left hoof down and rub my face with my right. I push whatever uncomfortable feeling I am getting from that question about the door aside. “I’m fine,” I reply. “How about we get to finding your books?”

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Bon-Bon asks me.

“I said I was fine, and I meant I was fine,” I reply, getting up. “Now, how about those books? ‘Cause I really have a few other things I need to do.”

“Such as?” Lyra asks me.

“Showering. I smell horrible,” I reply.

Lyra, as if almost on cue, sniffs the air and then covers her nose. “Gah! Yeah. A shower might be in order..”

“Lyra!” Bon-Bon says looking at her friend.

“It’s alright, Bon-Bon,” I interject looking at the shelves of books around me. “I stink. I know it. Hence, I want to get you two your books as quickly as possible.”

“Right,” Lyra says. “I ordered ‘Obscure Equestrian Mythological Creatures,’ ‘The Advanced Lyres Guide,’ and ‘Equestrian Sea Life.’”

“I ordered ‘Filly Fudge; a Beginners Guide to Fudge Making” and ‘Diamond Colts: Book Two.” Bon-Bon tells me. “You remember our names?”

I think about those titles. “I think I saw ‘The Advanced Lyres Guide,’ and I am sure I saw ‘Filly Fudge’ around here somewhere.” I raise my right hoof and wave it over the rows of books. “Ah, here’s ‘Filly Fudge.’” Ugh, that name just sounds horrible. Like Horse Fudge or Pony Fudge is any better. “Yes, why wouldn’t I-” That’s when I feel a brush of air wisp beside me and Lyra’s face is staring at my hoof. Fuck.

“Whoa! Is that,” she pauses and looks at me with a concerned expression. “Is that a hole in your hoof?”

I quickly pull my hoof back and cradle it to me. “Yes. Yes it is.” Play it cool. Don’t make a big fuss about it. Seriously.

Bon-Bon walks over to investigate. “You had a hole drilled into your hoof?” her face scrunches up in a pained expression. “Why would you do that?!” she exclaims.

“I-I don’t know, it seemed like a good idea at the time.” I reply. Right get them their books, get them their books now. I turn to see if I can find any more of the books requested, only to find myself face to face with Lyra again. She grabs my hoof and inspects it with an unnerving curiosity.

“That’s a really weird angle to have it drilled at, I mean I have seen other ponies think about trying this. But never going through with it because they never could figure out the proper angle to have it drilled at.” she says, looking over my hoof in detail.

I pull it away sharply. “I did this while I was loopy on magic tea. I don’t know why I did it or what I was thinking. Overall, it was a bad idea and I am lucky that Dr. Bright-White didn’t hit anything vital. Now-” I pause. “Wait, why would other ponies even consider having their hooves drilled?!” I know why I did it. But why normal ponies would even consider doing such a thing?

“Well, most ponies wouldn’t dare dream of altering their hooves. Any damage to a hoof would normally mean a trip to the hospital and some serious magical assistance in mending it. However, I hang with a,” Lyra pauses and rolls her hoof, “Different crowd of ponies.” Bon-Bon sighs and applies her hoof to her face.

“Oh, Huh. So that’s how you do it.” I ponder. You just cover your muzzle as a means of ‘face-hoofing’.

“Oh boy, here we go.” Bon-Bon grumps.

“What?” Lyra asks. Bon-Bon only rolls her eyes and sighs. Lyra then turns her attention back to me. “Don’t mind her. She just doesn’t get my hobbies.”

“You mean obsessions,” Bon-Bon corrects.

“It’s a hobby!” Lyra exclaims. “You see, I happen to head the local chapter of the H.L.C. There have been members that have speculated about altering their hooves in one way or another. Mostly with special shoes or gloves. One or two have talked about drilling, but I’ve never see a pony actually go through with it!”

I stare blankly at her. Suddenly I have this terrible feeling that this whole conversation is going to go somewhere very unpleasant. “H.L.C?” I finally ask.

Lyra looks all proud and smiles brightly. “Yeah! The Human Lovers Club!”

The Shower Scene

Chapter Four

The Shower Scene.

My mind has frozen in place and I can feel my left eye twitching almost violently. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! Great. I got fanon edition Lyra! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”

“Are you alright?” Bon-Bon asks me.

“Huh? Yeah, Fine!” I finally burst out. “Just. Fine. I just get nervous ticks sometimes! The what?”

“The Human Lovers-” Lyra beings.

“I heard that part.” Calm down, H.B. You are a bomb tech right now, cutting the wrong wire could result in rather horrible consequences. “But what’s a ha-haaaa,” Crap, I’m stuttering on a word. Not right now! Come on! Just let me say ‘human!’ “HAaahuuumon?”

The two of them look at me funny. “It’s human,” Lyra quips.

I look away from the two of them and try again. “Ha-yuuuumon.”

Lyra raises her hooves and tries to explain. “No, Hu-man.”

I try to repeat “Huuuu-Ma-a-a-a-an,” I cover my mouth. I was bleating like a sheep.

“No! It’s-” Lyra starts.

“Look! I have a speech impediment, alright!?” I really don’t want to continue this conversation. It’s frustrating me and causing me to feel a great deal of grief. If we go any further, I am just going to end up exploding and looking like a total spazz to the first pair of ponies that I have seen outside the library in weeks. I don’t need that. “Some words trip me up and make me stutter. That word happens to be one of them.”

“That’s a strange sort of speech impediment,” Lyra states.

Bon-Bon elbows her. “Lyra! Can’t you see that she is sensitive about it?”

“Right...Sorry, Heartbreak,” Lyra says, looking at me. “But, a Human is a mythological race of beings that are said to have lived in Equestria at one time. They walked bipedally all the time, were mostly hairless, had creepy eyes, wore clothes all the time and best of all...” she pulls out a drawing from her saddle bag, “They had hands!”

The drawing looks like a creepy doodle of what someone would think a human would look like if they had never seen one before. It looks sorta like a human, but they have a mohawk, they are hunched over like they can’t stand straight, the feet are all crooked, their noses are too flat, and the fingers on their hands look disproportionate. I am looking at two nightmares at the same time. One is actually meeting Lyra Heartstrings - Fannon Lyra Heartstrings. The other is this strange amalgamation of what ponies think humans are meant to look like. And on top of all that, she’s called me ‘Heartbreak’ twice. It’s starting to grate on my nerves a little bit. I should ask her to stop.

“R-r-r-right, and this has to do with holes in hooves, why?” I finally ask.

“Well, with a hole in your hoof like that, you could theoretically hold things like you could if you had hands!” Lyra states.

I fake my best confused face at her. “Uh-right... Sure you could.” Play it cool, H.B. I turn and give her a weirded out expression. “Like I said, I did it while I was high on magic tea and didn’t know what I was doing. It weakened my h-hoof and I am lucky not to be in a medical bed right now. So! How about we find those books for you two?” I start looking around a bit frantically. “So you two can, you know,” I turn my head to look at them, “Leave? And I can take that shower!” Lyre, lyre. Ah-ha! There it is. I quickly nab it from a stray pile of books that I have stacked up.

Lyra blinks at me confused. “Whoa, hold up, I didn’t mean to offend you or anything,” she bends her head down next to mine as I place the book at her hooves. “I totally understand if you are a bit skittish about talking about this sorta stuff in front of a,” she eyes Bon-Bon, “Fingerless.”

I jump back and look around for the next requested book. I have never been so uncomfortable in my life. It shouldn’t really be a big issue here, but seriously, Lyra is creeping me out. I think I should flow with that feeling. “I don’t know what you are talking about, Lyra. But I think I see the other two books you wanted.” I have never wanted to find books this quickly before in my life. Darn it! Slow down, act awkward and just act like you want her out of the library - not like she has discovered something.

While retrieving the other books, I can hear Bon-Bon whispering something to Lyra. I can’t quite make it out, but it kinda sounds like “Lyra, please stop freaking out the normal ponies!”

I see the other two books that Lyra requested. No wonder I couldn’t find them. They are near the top of the shelf. Crudmuffins. I stand up and reach out to see if I can get to them.

“Um, do you need any help there, Heartbreak?” BonBon asks.

Third time’s a charm. In this small stressful moment, I am reminded how much I hate that name. I have been really spoiled with Twilight and Spike calling me ‘H.B.’ almost all the time, that I have forgotten that it is just a foreshortening of Heartbreak. The reminder causes a stir of old memories of that night to crop up in the back of my mind. And with it, the sensation of having my flesh seared in agony. I attempt to push the feeling aside. It’s bad enough that I have looked like a flake here. I don’t need to explode in a fiery emotional trainwreck in front of these two. “Again. They are the first two beings you have seen since ‘creativi-tea’, yeah, I’m going to call it that. Just. Calm. Your. Self. Just-”

“Are you alright, Hear-” BonBon begins.

I interrupt her. “I hope this isn’t terribly forward of me,” I respond through clenched teeth. “But please refrain from calling me, that.” Unclench your jaw, H.B. They don’t know any better.

“You don’t want to be called ‘Heartbreak?’” Lyra asks. “But isn’t that your name?”

I fight off a twitch. It is the first twitch from hearing my ‘name’ that I have felt in a long time, I almost forgot how violent they are. How unpleasant they can be. “Yes,” I reply pausing. “But, I don’t like it. I really, really don’t like it.” I cock my head to the side and look at Lyra out of the corner of my eye. She jumps and meeps. “If you think it not too forward of me, please, call me H.B. I like it a lot better.” Lyra is now giving me a very frightened look. Geeze! Stop whatever you’re doing, H.B.! You don’t need to frighten ponies like this!

“So you’d rather be called, ‘H.B.?’” Bon-Bon asks.

I bite my lower lip in order to kill that rolling anger. It helps a little, hearing ‘H.B.’, helps even more and is just enough to calm me down. “Yes please, I like it better.” I tap-tap the books at the top shelf. They aren’t coming down with me just tapping on them. They wiggle and wobble, but they don’t fall down.

“Lyra, could you go help her, please?” Bon-Bon asks.

There is a momentary pause. I think that I may have given Lyra a stare that scared her a bit. Great. More Gilda coming out of me than an actual pony. I stretch and push to get that book. Lyra sighs, I can almost hear her rolling her eyes. “Fine, but only because you asked, Bon-Bon.”

The twinkling sound of magic hums into my ears and the books float above me. I sigh, and turn my back to the bookcase and slump down. Involuntarily, I wrap an arm around the part of my leg that is equivocal to what used to be my knee. “Thanks, Lyra,” I mutter, darkly. I shouldn’t be feeling this way. After all, the situation doesn’t call for it. She was here to get her books, I could have just pointed the books out, and she could have used her magic to get them. Instead, I make a fuss over things that should be nothing and look like a spazz. Good job, H.B. got any more tricks?

“Don’t think anything of iiii-” Lyra stops and looks at me, stunned.

Blinking, I look confused at her. “What? Do I have something in my teeth?” I use my tongue to try and check my teeth. That’s when the magical hum stops and I feel the solid blow of book meeting cranium. Once, twice, and thrice! “OUCH!” I shout, pulling myself up. “What was that for!?”

Lyra jumps back. “Um, I just-”

The anger rolls up in me again. “No, you know what? I am not in the mood for this today. You two have your books, and I need my shower!” I pick up one of the books and attempt to shove it into Lyra’s saddle bag. It fits. Sort of. Then I do the other one.

“Really, I didn’t mean to-” Lyra begins, attempting to apologize.

“I’m sure you didn’t. But right now? Really, I just want a shower. I have been working all day, alone in the library - All week if you want to get technical - and in that time I haven’t had a nice calming shower.” I pick up the copy of Diamond Colts Book Two and rush it over to Bon-Bon. She gingerly takes it from me. I turn my attention to Lyra. I really hope I don’t have to push her out the door. She looks at me in a way that I can’t really read. I am not sure if it is sadness, confusion or fear. Maybe all three. I point to the door.

“All right,” she replies, walking to the door. Bon-Bon has already taken the hint. While I wasn’t looking, she must have opened the door and is already half way out. Lyra on the other hand, or hoof, or whatever, stops at the doorway. “Really, I didn’t mean it, it’s just-”

I face hoof and snort. “Lyra, it isn’t you, it’s me. I have already explained why, and I would really appreciate it if you went with Bon-Bon and do whatever it is that you’re going to do today, alright?” I am fighting not to make my words sound scathing.

Lyra gives me an uncomfortable look, sighs and then walks out the door. It glows with her magic and then slams behind her. Great. Mission accomplished. Two more ponies think I am a spazz. I roll my eyes. I am exhausted, smell like sweaty horse, and a bit thirsty. The shower upstairs beckons to me, as it promises to cure all those ills.

==============================================================

Lyra grumbled on her way out the door. “Geeze, rude much?” she muttered, as she adjusted the books in her saddlebags.

Bon-Bon looked at her friend. “Lyra, to be fair, you did drop three books on her head. And I think she was a bit irritated before we arrived.”

“That doesn’t mean she should be rude about it!” Lyra said, glaring at Bon-Bon.

Bon-Bon sighed. “That is true, I am just saying that with your,” she paused, “Enthusiasm for your club activities, you weren’t making things any better. I mean, have you thought about talking about something other than the HLC when greeting a new pony as of late?”

“Well, yes..” Lyra rubbed the side of her head. “I just thought, that, well, she might have been interested.”

“Lyra. You think everypony is interested,” Bon-Bon replied. “From what I can tell, she’s a normal pony with some rather odd quirks.”

“Normal pony, Bon-Bon?!” Lyra exclaimed. “She’s downright weird is what she is!” Bon-Bon only replied by rolling her eyes. “She has a hole in her hoof! You got to admit that that’s pretty weird! And-” Bon-Bon elbowed Lyra and cleared her throat. “What?”

Twilight had just turned the corner accompanied by her assistant dragon Spike.

“Ha! Twilight! You’re just the pony that I want to talk to right now,” Lyra began. Bon-Bon just rolled her eyes.

“Why, Hello Heartstrings, Bon-Bon,” Twilight replied, puzzled. “Really? What is-”

“It’s that mare that you have living in your library! Heartbreak!” Lyra said. “You might want to have a talk with her about being nicer to library patrons!”

Twilight’s expression drooped. “What did she...” she shook her head and sighed. If it involved Heartbreak it wasn’t going to be anything good. “Tell me what happened...”

==============================================================

Getting into tub, I pull the shower curtain closed. I sigh. What happened with Lyra could have gone better. It could have gone a lot better. But if my instincts are right about her, she is more than enthusiastic about things. I don’t know what’s going to happen with that mare, but I will just have to adjust my tactics when those bridges come to be burned.

I reach forward and turn the water on. I am grateful that this is the type of shower that has the ‘x’ shaped valves and not round ones. It makes turning the water on so much easier. First comes the hot water and then the cold. I tap a little button on the faucet, and the shower starts up. It’s a shock of cold water at first that steadily warms up. I tap on the valve a bit more making it a bit hotter to my tastes.

I love hot showers, and this one is the first one that I have had in weeks. How sad is that? Back on Earth, I had to take a shower nearly every day. I couldn’t get away with not taking one. If my roommates didn’t complain to take one, I would complain to myself. I push my head into the running water, it feels good. It feels really good. Turning around, I let the water warm up my backside. Progressively, my tail weighs down my butt as it gathers water. I turn back around and just sit in the falling hot water. I look up and open my mouth. I take a drink and it warms me.

“You could have been nicer about things, H.B.” I push my now wet mane out of my face. “It’s not like they know anything about you.” A frown reaches my face. “But what else could you have done? A Human lovers club?! Didn’t see that coming. You just have to stay calm. Play it cool, even if it gets back to Twilight. Particularly if it gets back to Twilight.”

"H.B. can we talk?" Twilight’s voice cuts through my private thoughts like ice. The only thing standing between us is the thin shower curtain.

"Twilight! What the ha-ha-ha-hay! I didn’t hear you come in!!” I jump in shock. “Haven't you ever heard of a thing called privacy?!" I turn away from the sound of her voice, and involuntarily cover myself. Moments later, I am of course, reminded that there isn’t ‘anything’ to cover up. Not unless you count teats. And it’s not like mares have overtly obvious mammary glands.

Twilight jumps back a bit "I didn't think it was that much of an issue. I mean, you didn't mind when I came in your last shower. I even helped you wash your tail!"

I paused trying to remember that event. She did. It was in that first week I was here. "...I wasn't all together there, Twilight. Still, can't we talk after my shower?" I push my face into the running water to clear my mane away from it. Pushing a bit of my forelock out of the way, I see Twilight’s muzzle peeks into the shower

"I don't see what the big deal is, it’s not like you don't have anything I haven't seen before." Twilight says casually.

I jump once again. Involuntarily crossing my legs, well crossing them the best I can. Then I reach forward and push the curtain to try to discourage Twilight from trying to come in any further. ”B-b-b-be as that may, I would rather be in the shower, alone. Thank. You. Very. Much!"

Twilight’s shadow through the curtain gives a rather weirded out look. "Eww."

Why is she giving such a strange look...unless she thinks I want to be alone to...I nearly fall over realizing how that could sound. This very idea sends a wave of nausea over me. "... What...What?! No! Geeze Twilight! No! I just want to shower!"

Twilight’s silhouette regains its composure. "Well, there isn't anything wrong with that sort of thing, H.B., we're both adults. Even if we don't act like it sometimes. Why is being alone in the shower so important anyhow?"

I sigh. This shouldn’t need too much explaining. "It's just...I'm not used to others...being with me while I shower..." I almost bring up the whole ‘I’m naked and wet!’ argument, but then realize that would be pointless. Ponies don’t normally wear clothes. “It’s not the social norm where I am originally from! Showering is commonly done alone!” Fuck, this is a conversation that is never ending.

"Oh. Well there goes my idea of helping you with your shower then, right?" Twilight replies.

My brain glitches over where this conversation could go. A shower scene with Twilight. "Seriously, Twilight. Ew."

Now it’s Twilight's turn to get all squicked out. "What? Heartbreak! No! Geeze!" Revenge would be sweet, but then I remember that I am in the shower, and that this is Twilight Sparkle I am talking to.

"Twilight, seriously. Our conversation can wait till after the shower. It's getting too... weird. The only thing you can help me is with the shower brush. I left it outside of the shower, like an idiot. If you could slip the handle into my ho-" I paused realizing how horrible, ‘my hole’ would sound. "My hoof. I'll finish up washing and then we can talk about what ever it is you want to when I am finished!"

“Fine. But it is going to be over something serious. I just had a talk with Lyra and Bon-Bon.” There is a twitch in her voice. “I think if you are going to continue living in the library, some ground rules are going to be in order.”

I feel the brush handle slip into the hole in my hoof. Twilight didn’t even argue with me about using my hoof like this. Twilight’s hoof beats let me know that she is leaving the bathroom. I grab the shampoo bottle and squirt some on the floofy end of my brush. “Great, I guess I’ll find out what those repercussions are sooner than I wanted to,” I think as I start to work the brush against my coat. “I wonder how long I can stay in the shower before Twilight demands that I get out...”

Balancing Act

Chapter Five

Balancing Act

I pluck the brush from my hoof and dry off the best I can. Trying to squeegee my mane and tail with my ankles is a chore, but seeing that Twilight is in a foul mood as it is? It’s worth not seeing her explode over the fact that I would drip water everywhere. I then attempt to shake some of myself dry. Though, this is kind of a futile act and proves to be near hazardous to the health of the bathtub. Note to self. Don’t kick your hooves in the bathtub. Last thing I need is Twilight yelling at me for shattered porcelain. I nab the towel in my mouth and attempt to wrap it around my hoof. Not an easy task, but it sorta works.

“Just think positive, H.B.” I roll my eyes. “If you do this more often, you’ll get better at it.” I shouldn’t beat up on myself. For my first time showering alone, it was pretty decent. It felt really good and I smell a lot better. There is still a faint horse smell that clings to me, but that is masked more by the minty shampoo that Twilight bought. Getting my upper side dry is easy enough, but my lower side and tail are proving to be a struggle. You wouldn’t think that, but hey, hooves aren’t hands and hands aren’t hooves.

Satisfied with myself, I try walking over to the fogged up mirror, towel still wrapping my right hoof. Alright,you’ve seen this done on the show, three hoofed walking should be a- “Yipe!” I forgot that I’m trying this three hoofed for a moment and using my toweled appendage. The much expected results happen. I slip and fall, with my face smacking on the tile floor. Thankfully, it’s a hard smacking sound that isn’t accompanied by any cracking sounds. Still. it’s enough to knock me off my bearings for a little bit. I shake my head to clear any pretty fluttery lights I might be seeing and pull myself up to the bathroom counter. The mirror is, like I said, fogged up. I push myself forward and up, then reach and clear the mirror of its mist.

“Ha. Ponies in the mist..” I muse to myself. When the mirror is cleared, it isn’t Jane Goodall that I am greeted with, but with an unpleasant surprise. Yeah, it’s me in the mirror, that pony version of me. But another image seems to superimpose itself over that image - that of my mother. It’s the fucking mane.

My mother is a short, mostly Italian-French woman with brown curly hair. Despite the fact that I am now currently of a different species, if we were standing side by side, you could tell that we’re related. Hell, if we were standing side by side, her and I would be doing something that we almost never do: Almost seeing eye to eye. I grimace at the image and wipe the mirror further. “You are not your mother, H.B.,” I eye the reflection looking back at me. “Even if you did get her eyes and hair.” I try to dry myself off further. Everything is still pretty damp and again, I don’t want to get water everywhere when I come out of the bathroom.

I sigh. While the shower has brought me some comfort, going downstairs promises to do the opposite. Twilight’s lack of emotion in this matter has me worried. It means that I have become predictable. And if I am becoming predictable, then this is ‘normal’ for me. She expects it of me. I don’t want to be a Gilda. I want to be just plain, nice, normal me. The me that laughs at jokes, the me that fights crying at sappy things, the me that isn’t afraid.

Looking at the mirror, I give myself one last pat drying. “Alright, H.B., time to face whatever music there is downstairs."

==============================================================

Spike looked at Twilight. She was seated at the table tapping her hoof. Her expression was very un-Twilight like. In front of him was a list that she had him take. There were only a few things on the list. He looked at them.

“Is there anything else you would like to add to this list, Twilight?” he asked.

She rolled her eyes. “I would want to say, ‘Tell us about where you are from and what you were,’ but I get the impression that even if those two things were on the list, she would be tight lipped and just leave.”

Spike blinked. “Do you think she would really do that, Twi?”

“I don’t know, Spike,” Twilight responded. “Her behavior is getting unpredictably predictable.”

The little dragon looked utterly confused at Twilight’s assessment of Heartbreak. “What?”

“What I mean is that if there is one thing that we can predict about Heartbreak, it’s that we don’t know how she will react to something until we bring her into the situation, or until it is too late.” Twilight sighed.

Spike frowned. “She’s only been here for a month, Twilight.”

“Yes, and in that time what has she done?” Twilight asked.

“Worked really hard at cleaning up the library?” Spike replied.

“Well, yes, but I was hoping that-” Twilight’s ears perked up and turned into the direction of the stairs. Heartbreak was at the top and turning herself around to climb down them.

“Don’t stop talking on my account,” she said rather quietly. “I am sure that this conversation was just the thing of legends.” she sighed and carefully crept backwards.

“You took quite a while in the shower, Heartbreak,” Twilight said, making it a point to use her actual name.

Heartbreak shuddered and grimaced. Twilight could tell that she was fighting to not outright glare at her, as she was biting her lip. “I-i-it’s a lot harder to wash and dry myself off, and I didn’t want to get water everywhere.”

“Which, if you didn’t have an issue with it, I could have helped you with,” Twilight said curtly.

Heartbreak just sighed and rolled her eyes while sitting at the table. Her head was lowered and she didn’t look like she was going to enjoy any of what was to come. “How about we have that ‘serious talk.’ I want to see if I can try to take a chunk of any of the mess I made upstairs tonight. Just cleaning and doing practically nothing else is starting to get to me. And finishing that would be a weight off my mind.”

Twilight looked at Heartbreak with disapproval. “Very well. Like I told you, I had a talk with Lyra and Bon-Bon on the way back to the library. Lyra had some rather interesting things to say about you.”

Heartbreak sighed. “Such as?”

“Such as the fact that you acted pretty rudely to her when she got the books down from the shelf for you,” Twilight replied. “And then you practically shoved them out of the library!”

Heartbreak frowned. “I did not shove them out. I pointed them out. And did she tell you the part where she dropped, not one but three books on my head!?”

“Well, yes,” Twilight began. “She told me that she saw a spider and it scared her.”

“Sure she did. I am also feeling a, ‘yes, but, Heartbreak,’ coming on.” she replied.

Twilight sighed and continued. “Yes, but, you could have acted a lot better in the situation.” Heartbreak rolled her eyes and then bit her lip, as not to say something. “Something you would like to share with the rest of the class, H.B.?”

Heartbreak’s eyes turned down and she lowered her head to the table. “Not that I am comfortable with sharing, Twilight.” Twilight gave her the ‘we have all day’ look. “Fiiiiiiiiine.” Heartbreak put her hooves over her face. “I was about to say, ‘it could have gone a lot worse.’ But when I say that, it sounds exactly like my mother.” Her face twitched a bit and her hooves nervously ran through her mane.

“What’s wrong with that?” Spike asked.

“What’s wrong with it is a two part thing. One, I don’t want to turn into my mother.” The both of them looked at Heartbreak blankly. She turned away. “Let’s just say that I don’t like my mother. We don’t get along, her and I. And secondly, it sounds like I am trying to allude to the idea that I wanted to make it worse than it was.” Heartbreak sighed.

Twilight looked at Heartbreak. “If it helps any, it didn’t sound like you were wanting to make it worse, H.B.” Heartbreak smiled back weakly. “However, this sort of behavior can’t continue. This is a library, and ponies will come and go. Please try to be nice and/or helpful to the patrons.”

Heartbreak frowned over her hooves. “Yeah, that reminds me, thanks for letting me know that library was reopening today.” Her words practically dripped with sarcasm.

Spike jumped in preemptively to defuse any hostility. “To be fair, Twilight didn’t plan on reopening the library today. Lyra and Bon-Bon were nearby when Twilight was having a conversation with another pony named Star Catcher about when the library was going to reopen.”

“Yes. And I told Star Catcher, ‘If progress goes as it is, maybe sometime later today, or tomorrow.’ Lyra must have overheard and misunderstood me,” Twilight said.

Heartbreak recovered her face. “Oh. Well. That explains that.”

“And?” Twilight asked.

“And what? There was a misunderstanding somewhere, and I misappropriated blame where none was needed?” Heartbreak replied.

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Nevermind. Let’s get to the other two rules. The second thing I wanted to talk to you about is something that you actually just did. And for that I am rather pleased.”

“What? Shower?” Heartbreak asked.

“Yeah,” Spike replied, checking off two boxes

“Because seriously,” Twilight began.

“I know, I wasn’t smelling like a bucket of roses,” Heartbreak sighed. “I used to shower at least everyday before all,” Heartbreak paused and threw her hooves up. “This. I couldn’t stand the smell of myself and I didn’t like to oppress others with it.” she looked up at Twilight. “And even though I did accomplish one letter to the Princess, I’m still in a funk.”

“Funk?” Spike asked.

Heartbreak sighed a little. “Yeah, depressed.”

“So, your funk makes you smell funky?” Spike asks with a slight smirk on his face. He was only met back with a grimace from Heartbreak’s face. “Hey, I’m just trying to lighten things up.”

“You’re still depressed?” Twilight asked.

“Twilight, depression doesn’t just ‘go away’ because you get a place to live, accomplish something, get ponies who want to call you fffriend or because of a joke.” she eyed Spike. “A pretty lame joke, I might add.” Spike rolled his eyes. “It lingers and clings.”

“Yes, I know, H.B.” Twilight looked at her sympathetically. “But, all those things you just listed can help you fight through it. And that does bring us to the third thing that is on my checklist.”

Heartbreak took a deep breath. “You certainly like your checklists.”

Twilight cleared her throat. “Learning to use your hooves. Have you made any attempts to using your hooves? And I don’t just mean the hole in your hoof.” Her eyes glanced at Heartbreak’s hoof, an unsettled expression passed over her face.

“Not as much as I am sure you would have liked me to,” Heartbreak muttered. “Not that you have been here helping me...”

Twilight blinked. “I have been here more than enough for you to ask me for help!” Twilight protested.

Heartbreak gave her a deadpanned look. “Really, Twilight? ‘Cause I remember most of last month going something to the tune of: Morning, wake up, eat breakfast, work on cleaning the library. You and Spike go out for the day. I progress on cleaning the library, take a few breaks, keep cleaning the library, and then you two come back to the library in time for dinner.” her back hoof tapped on the floor. “What’s more, It’s not like I can leave the library! Last week you were keeping a spell on the door so I couldn’t open it even if I tried!”

Twilight frowned. “We do have lives outside of you, Heartbreak.”

Heartbreak rolled her eyes. “I know that, Twilight! I really do! In fact, I like the fact that you have lives outside of me!” she crossed her arms and looked down. “It makes me feel like I am not a Mary Sue...”

“Huh?” Spike asked.

“What do you mean, H.B.?” Twilight asked.

“It’s...” Heartbreak grimaced. “I don’t want to be all consuming to all your lives.” she rubbed her face. “Which isn’t to say that I want to be left alone all the time. Geez, that must sound awfully confusing. It’s just...”

“It’s just what?” Twilight asked, cautiously. After all, this was a rare moment. H.B. seemed to be opening up a bit more.

“It’s just that it feels like you’re avoiding me! You and Spike get to go out, and I’m stuck here. By the time you get back, the day is almost over and I am out of energy to even ask how I am meant to operate these things.” she held up her hooves. “Good Gaia, I must sound like a fffffe-e-et,” her face cringed and twisted up. “A broken record.”

Twilight walked over and put a hoof on Heartbreak’s shoulder. “I do admit, I haven’t been around as often as I could be. But like I said before, if you need help, just ask.”

Heartbreak looked at Twilight from the corner of her eye. “Well?”

“Well, are you going to show me how to use these clunky bricks at the end of my arms?” Heartbreak asked.

Twilight rolled her eyes. No apologies. No, ‘you’re right, Twilight, I’m sorry I was acting like such a bratty filly!.’ “Then again the shock of her actually acting like a pony might cause the both of us to have heart attacks.” “Well seeing that I am here, and that there is still plenty of day left to work with? I guess I could help you.”

Heartbreak took a deep breath and held up both hooves in the air. “Where do we start, oh great pony teacher of mine?”

Twilight looked thoughtful. “How about we start with the basics. Balancing objects on the bottom of your hoof.”

Twenty-Five Minutes Ago

Chapter Six.

Twenty-Five Minutes Ago.

Bon-Bon and Lyra looked at Twilight momentarily. “Well, we heard that the library was going to be reopening,” Bon-Bon started.

“Yeah, so we figured that we’d go over there and pick up the books we ordered,” Lyra continued. “I mean, it has been almost a month’s worth of waiting.”

Twilight sighed and nodded. “Yes, and I am sorry about that. There was an...incident involving Heartbreak and some magic tea.”

“She sort of told us about that. Apparently it’s the reason that she currently has a hole in her hoof?” Bon-Bon asked.

“Yeah! And the reason for all those hats and clocks that are lingering around Ponyville. Along with some of the property damage,” Spike said thoughtfully.

Twilight shot Spike a look. “Yes, things were getting a little out of hoof-”

“That’s one way of putting it,” Spike muttered.

“But, we were able to regain control,” Twilight continued.

Lyra and Bon-Bon looked at each other. “Uhm, is there more to that story?” Lyra asked.

Twilight blinked and eyed Spike. “Nothing worth mentioning. Too much magic in the wrong pony at the wrong time. You know how that goes,” Twilight explained.

Lyra nodded. Any unicorn worth her horn knew the dangers of too much unstable magic in the wrong place at the wrong time. It still didn’t explain why this, ‘Heartbreak’ had drilled a hole in her hoof. “Right, but back to what happened at the library today,” Lyra began. “We figured that we’d pick up the books that we ordered. When we got to the library, it didn’t seem like there was anypony there. But after a little bit, Heartbreak came to the door. Apparently she hadn’t heard anything about the library opening, but we explained that we just wanted to pick up our books.”

“So far, so good?” Spike asked.

“Well,-” Bon-Bon began.

“Well, it did seem good at the beginning of it all, there were some reintroductions,” Lyra interrupted. “I mean, like you said, magic tea. But it took her forever to open the door.”

Twilight chuckled nervously. “She did have a hole drilled into her hoof. She’s kind of learning how to do things all over again.”

“Why didn’t you just take her to Zecora to get it fixed? Or better yet, the hospital?” Bon-Bon asked.

“Well, she just had a strong dose of unstable magic going through her system. Not only has it made her leery of any more magic, but it just isn’t a good idea to begin with. There’s no telling what trace magic could be left over. Adding another unicorn’s magic might just make things worse. As far as taking her to Zecora?” Twilight paused. “She found out that that is where I got the tea to begin with.”

“Ooooh,” the two of them replied together.

“Right, so she’d be even more leery of Zecora after all that,” Bon-Bon replied.

“Right,” Twilight smiled and nodded.

Spike took out his quill and paper. As he wrote, Twilight looked over his shoulder. “I just remembered something that I needed to write to the Princess for later, Twilight.”

Twilight nodded. “It’s a good idea to write that down then. Anyway, back to what happened.”

“Right, once we got in she was all like, ‘Alright, let’s be quick about this, I want to take a shower today.’ And so she started looking for the books. I noticed the hole in her hoof and asked if I could examine it-” Lyra explained.

“You-” Bon-Bon’s interruption was met with a swift elbow to her leg.

“Asked her as politely as I could, but, she pulled back and was kind of rude about it,” Lyra said. “Which given the situation, is a bit more understandable now.” Bon-Bon rubbed her foreleg and rolled her eyes.

“More understandable than the current situation,” Bon-Bon muttered, looking at her friend.

“Anyway, after that, she threw a fit about us calling her, ‘Heartbreak,’ and insisted that we call her, ‘H.B.’” Lyra continued.

“She likes it a lot better than, ‘Heartbreak,’” Spike explained.

“Then she decided that she just wanted us out of the library. She found the books that we ordered, but was having trouble getting them. Bon-Bon asked me to help and I did. But then when she sat down, I saw a spider and accidently dropped the three books I just pulled off the shelves on her head. She was understandably upset, but just wanted us out of the library. She stuffed my books into my saddle bags and then shoved the two of us out of the library.”

Twilight frowned and sighed. “Oh, Heartbreak,” she took a deep breath. “I was going to run a few more errands but it looks like I have to have a talk with her.”

“Yeah, what is her deal anyhow?” Lyra asked. “I mean, she doesn’t seem to be from Ponyville..”

Twilight blinked. “Well, you see, she’s sort of a foreign exchange student from a really remote part of Equestria who is going to be staying here in Ponyville for little over a year. The ponies in the region are rather isolated and are only now talking to ‘outsiders’. They needed a guide for her, and as the Princess’s top student, she felt that I was the perfect pony to help her acclimate to her life here.” Twilight rolled her eyes again. “It’s been quite the chore and has come with some rather unpleasant,” she paused, “Surprises.”

Lyra nodded. “I see. Well, foreign or not, hopefully you talking to her will help her understand that we do things a little differently in this part of Equestia!”

==============================================================

The two friends had been sitting at the local eatery for fifteen minutes. Food had been ordered and had arrived five minutes after seating. Lyra had ordered a sandwich and Bon-Bon a bowl of tomato soup.

Bon-Bon stared at Lyra. Her soup had grown cold. Lyra looked up at her long time friend and roommate.

“Is there something wrong, Bon-Bon?” she asked.

“What would give you that idea?” Bon-Bon retorted.

“You haven’t touched your soup and your eyes have been burning holes through me ever since we ordered.” Lyra picked up her sandwich in between both hooves and took a bite. Bon-Bon remained silent. “Well,” Lyra said, swallowing. “Are you going to tell me what it is, or continue to shoot me evil looks?”

Bon-Bon sighed and took a sip of her cold soup.

“Was it me grabbing Heartbreaks’ hoof?” Lyra asked.

“Not entirely, but that was part of it,” Bon-Bon replied.

“Was it my over enthusiastic explanation of the H.L.C?” Lyra asked, her voice starting to show a bit of annoyance.

“That was part of it, but no.” Bon-Bon took another sip of her soup. She frowned.

“Was it when I dropped those books on her head!?” Lyra slammed her hoof down on the table. Whatever game Bon-Bon was playing at, it wasn’t fun anymore.

“No.” Bon-Bon replied disapprovingly.

“Then what? Cause I am getting rather frustrated here!” Lyra said, frowning.

Bon-Bon took a deep breath. “It was what you told Twilight.”

Lyra blinked. “What about what I told Twilight?” She asked.

Bon-Bon frowned. “There was no spider and you did something that was very unlike you.” She looked up at Lyra. “You didn’t talk about humans, the H.L.C, or even hands.”

Lyra frowned. “I thought you would have been relieved by something like that.”

“Normally, yes, but you elbowed me as if you wanted me to quiet about something. And I might have not seen this, ‘spider,’ but I am fairly certain that you aren’t afraid of spiders.” Bon-Bon replied. “On more than one occasion it’s been me who needs rescuing from the furry little nightmares.” she shivered a bit. “Not you.”

“Well.. Um...” Lyra began.

“Well, ‘Um’ what?” Bon-Bon asked, crossing her hooves.

“Well, Um, what about Twilight! She was acting awfully suspicious! I mean, she was fidgeting quite a bit. And who doesn’t take a pony to the hospital to get a check up after something like that?!” Lyra protested.

“So that makes it ok to omit details and even make things up?!” Bon-Bon retorted. “Isn’t that the same as, you know, lying?”

“She was doing the same thing!” Lyra replied, slamming her hooves on the table so hard that it shook the silverware.

“Right. I don’t think she was, but that’s beside the point. Let’s say for sake of argument that she was,” Bon-Bon replied. “How does that make what you did any better?”

Lyra started to wave her hooves about wildly as she grasped for an explanation. “She! I! I mean! Uuuugh!” she finally pointed at Bon-Bon. “She has a hole in her hoof, she can’t say the word ‘human’ and,” Lyra seemed to pause for dramatic effect. “And! She was sitting funny!”

Bon-Bon gave a deadpanned look. “Lyra. You sit funny.”

“Not like she was sitting! No pony should be able to sit like how she was sitting!” Lyra exclaimed.

“Lyra. Nopony should be able to sit like you sit.” Bon-Bon leaned over. “But somehow you pull it off. And it isn’t a reason to go around lying to ponies about scaring others from foreign parts of Equestria.”

“Ugh!” Lyra threw her hooves. “You just don’t get it!” she shook her head. “You know what? Whatever. I have an H.L.C. get together to plan for next week, if you need me, you know where to find me.” she said, placing her bits down and leaving the table. She paused briefly and looked at Bon-Bon. “I’m telling you. there is something weird about that mare!”, She turned away and continued walking. “And I am going to find out what that something is!”

“There’s something weird about you, Lyra!” Bon-Bon shouted as her friend walked away.

Lyra frowned as she walked off. That Heartbreak was hiding something, Twilight was hiding something. Why else would she have confined her to the library for an entire month?! The hole in her hoof, her stutter, her overall behavior, something just didn’t seem right! And then there was the way she was sitting. Very few ponies could pull that pose off without a great deal of practice.

Lyra sighed. “Maybe Bon-Bon is right. Maybe I am making a big deal out of nothing. Maybe-”

“Pssst,” A nearby voice said. Confused, Lyra looked around. “Pssssst!” the voice repeated. Lyra turned her head to the direction of the voice. Sitting at a table was a pale grey stallion with a straight black mane and tail. A pair of spectacles peeked over the newspaper he was reading. “Psssst!” Lyra looked around and tried to walk casual to the table. “Are you Lyra Heartstrings?” he asked in a hushed tone.

Lyra looked at the strange colt’s flank. It looked like a web of small dots connected by thin strings. “Depends on who’s asking.” she replied with caution.

“Oh, just a pony who’s job it is to connect the dots, figure out the plots, and try to understand what’s really going on,” he replied, continuing to look at his paper. “A pony who is staying in town for an event that is coming up next week. A pony who couldn’t help but overhear your conversation back there.”

Lyra looked at the creepy looking pony. Something told her that he could do with a great deal more sunshine and a great deal less time in the basement. “Were you eavesdropping?!” She growled, nearly slamming her hooves on the table where the mysterious colt sat.

“Hey!” he hissed. “No need to get your tail in a knot, I’m not,” he looked over his paper, “Fingerless.”

Lyra paused. “You might be not be fingerless, but are you tailless?” she asked.

“As tailless as they come.” he replied. “Want to join me?”

Lyra looked around trying to act as casual as she could. “Alright, you have my attention, but code words aren’t going to be enough. What’s the secret handshake?”

The colt smirked. “That’s easy.” He put down his paper and looked forlorn at his hooves. He began to shake them. “If I only had hands to shake with!” he said under his breath.

Lyra jumped and then smiled. This was indeed an H.L.C. Member. “Alright then.” She took a seat. “Obviously you know who I am. Mind introducing yourself?”

“You might have heard of me. I’m Tale Spinner. And I’m from the chapter of the H.L.C. located in Manehatten,” he replied.

Lyra blinked and then frowned. “Wait.. Tale Spinner, yeah! I do know that name! Haven’t you been reprimanded for-”

“Telling the truth and uncovering some of the more shady bits of Equestrian history that not even the Princesses want us to know.” Tale Spinner interjected. “About the history between ponies and humans...”

“That’s not what I heard.” Lyra replied.

“What you heard was what they wanted you to hear,” Tale Spinner said, putting his newspaper away.

“Yeah, sure. Look, Tale Spinner, I’m sure you are a nice pony and all, but I have other things to do. So -” Lyra began to get up.

“Wait! Hear me out, please,” Tale Spinner begged. “I need somepony to hear what I have to say.”

Lyra frowned. Part of her was telling her to just brush this crazy colt off. If the stories about him were true, he made her look pretty darn sane. However, he was still an H.L.C. member. And human enthusiasts were really hard to come by. “You have five minutes.”

Tale Spinner smiled. “Right, I’ll be quick then. We wouldn’t want to attract any strange attention.” Lyra rolled her eyes, she’d humor him. He took out a manila envelope. “I take it that you know about how humans were portrayed in Equestrian mythology, and about the mass self exile by the Three Human Kings...”

Lyra rolled her eyes. “Pfffft, yeah, any H.L.C. member knows about that. How the humans grew jealous of the pony’s abilities and tried to take them for their own. There was a conflict and then the three human kings went to the unicorns and told them that banishment back to the human home world was the only solution. The unicorns,” Lyra sighed and shook her hoof, “Stupidly agreed and stupidly sent the humans back to where they came.” She shook her head.

“Yup,” Tale Spinner replied. “That’s what everypony learns if they have taken Equestrian mythological history. However,” he looked around and slid the envelope to Lyra. “What if I were to tell you that there was more to this little story? What if I were to tell you, that living somewhere in a secluded part of Equestria, that there were still humans?”

“I would say that you are downright batty,” Lyra replied. “If there were humans still living in Equestria, then why haven’t we seen them? Humans don’t have magic, so they can’t exactly hide too well, you know.”

“Well, that would be a problem,” Tale Spinner tapped his hooves together quietly and looked up at her with a knowing smile. “If they still were human, that is...”

Lyra looked even more confused. “Huh?”

“What if instead of looking like humans, they looked like ponies?” Tale Spinner asked. “What if they chose to stay behind, but couldn’t stay looking human? What if they couldn’t fit in with the other ponies and chose to live elsewhere?” a white flash flickered in his glasses. "Somewhere remote?"

Lyra looked at the envelope sitting before her. “Alright, it sounds crazy, but I’m listening.”

Light in the Attic

Chapter Seven

Light in the Attic.

Before me are a few standard, non-breakable objects that Twilight has gathered. If it weren’t for the fact that I don’t know jack shit about balancing things on my hooves, I would feel that my intelligence was somehow being insulted here. There is a wooden block, a quill, a small ball of fluff and a marshmallow.

I glare at the marshmallow. “We aren’t imitating Rarity, are we, Twilight?” I ask.

“No,” Twilight replies. “I’ve decided to include some positive reinforcement. If you can balance one of these objects on your hoof, you get a marshmallow.” My eye twitches and I glare seethingly at Twilight.

“Uhm, is there a problem, Heartbreak?” she asks.

“Twilight, I want you to look at me.” I request, as my hoof goes to my face. “And look at yourself.”

Twilight looks at me and then at herself. “Exactly what am I looking for, Heartbreak?”

I twinge a bit. For some reason she is calling me Heartbreak and not H.B. That is going to make this five times more difficult. “H.B. if you would please, Twilight.” I take a deep breath. Try to not make this sound snide. “Right. I don’t look like a dog to you. Do I, Twilight?”

Twilight blinks. “No, you don’t.” She looks at Spike, who in all of this is once again, taking notes.

“Right, I don’t look like a dog, and you don’t look like Pavlov. So, please, don’t treat me like one...” I sigh. She most likely won’t get the reference.

Twilight frowns at me. A book levitates next to her. ‘A New Parent's Guide to Teaching your Foals.’ “I’m just going by what the book says, Heartbreak.”

I grind my hoof on the floor again and sigh. “Twilight, please.”

Twilight continues to give me a look of disapproval. “If we are going to do this, H.B., then you are going to have to meet me halfway.” The book goes back down on the table. “Besides, most ponies like marshmallows.”

“Yeah,” Spike interjects. “Don’t you like marshmallows, H.B.?”

Grimacing, I look at the marshmallow. The last time I had anything that was really sweet was back on the the train. “I like marshmallows just fine. I just think that doing these,” I pause and try to grasp for a word, “Exercises, should be a reward in of themselves. That’s all.”

“I’ve never taught anypony how to use their hooves before, H.B.” Twilight explains. “So I thought I would go by the book.”

“Of course you would.” Twilight shoots me a look. I feel my ears droop and the sensation that I am starting to push her a little too far. “Right. I am stalling with my complaining and I should be happy that you are willing to teach me at all.” I take a deep breath. I am trying to apologize, but the words aren’t coming. “How about we get on with this lesson, and work through it as we go along?”

Twilight shakes her head and picks the book back up. “Right, I guess we can skip through a few of these chapters. They are, after all, unimportant to what we are going to be trying to learn.”

“How about I just try to do what I think we’re going to do, Twilight?” I ask her.

“Alright, well then, the first thing to do would to be to assume the-” Twilight begins. I know her next words are going to be ‘position.’ And by position, I am certain that she means hooves in front of me with the frogs facing up, ready to have something placed on them. “position.” She blinks. “Uhm, very good! Now, we’re going to-”

“Twilight, I know I don’t have anyplace to be, but you really don’t have to go through these things, ‘play-by-play’. The next step would be placing something on the flat of my hooves and have me practice balancing something there.” Twilight is about to give me another look. “I mean, if that’s alright with you.” I reply looking slightly away. Fuck, my Fluttershy is showing.

“Right.” She nods and picks up the wooden block. It comes to gently rest on the bottoms of my hooves.

“This looks easy enough, just keep your hooves level and straight and something will stay there,” I tell myself. The magic dissipates from the wooden block and it comes to rest atop the bottom of my hooves. As the block sits there, I feel like laughing a bit. You know the feeling you get when you realize how simple a problem is? How silly you feel about how much a fuss you made over something that could be solved with either a bit of effort, time, or even just by adding the numbers up? That’s what I am feeling.

That feeling dies when I start to hear the wood clatter against my hooves. It clatters and slides a bit towards me, looking like it will fall off my hooves at anytime. I attempt to adjust my hooves but find it only makes the problem worse. The block finally falls off my hooves and onto the table. I snort.

“No need to get discouraged, H.B. Nopony expected you to get it the first time,” Twilight says, levitating the block back atop my hooves. “We just have to keep trying until we get it.”

Nodding, I attempt to let the wooden block rest on the top of my hooves again.

==============================================================

We started this exercise at two in the afternoon, and now it is five o’clock. Three hours later, the results are less than spectacular, and I am all the more frustrated.

First off, hooves shouldn’t work this way. At least when it comes to normal pony biology. But we are talking magical-talking-equine biology, so everything I know about normal ponies is tossed out the window. Secondly, magical-talking-equine hooves shouldn’t work this way. Every time Twilight has placed something on my hooves? It keeps falling off. It looks like it is going to stay there for just a little bit, but then, it starts to clatter against my hooves and falls off. Even the puffball flew off. Twilight isn’t looking terribly happy about this either. She picks up a cone and puts it on the flat of my hoof again. It stays there for a few seconds, and then begins to clatter before falling off once again.

“You have to keep your hoof steady,” she says, trying to sound sympathetic. It only comes off as irritating. She levitates the cone up to my hooves in preparation for another go.

“Enough!” I shout. I am trying my best not to cry. This task shouldn’t be that hard. It shouldn’t be this complicated. The law of gravity should just keep the object balanced evenly on the flat of my hoof!

Twilight frowns with a thought filled look. “You’re not going to get any better at this if we don’t keep practicing, Heartbreak.”

My eye twitches once again and I am about to turn and snarl at Twilight for calling me that name when Spike steps in. “Whoa!” Looking at him, I see that same look that Lyra gave me earlier today. Something akin to terrified, I turn away and stomp my hoof down. “Twilight, maybe we should take a break for a little while. We can always do more practicing tomorrow.”

Twilight sighs a bit and nods. “Maybe you’re right, Spike. This is going to take a lot more practice and effort than I thought.” She’s looking at me with either frustration, disappointment or disapproval. “If you need me, I’ll be upstairs in my study.”

I sigh after she has left. Spike puts a hand on my shoulder. I lift my hoof up where his hand rests. “I think she thinks I’m doing this on purpose, Spike.”

Spike shakes his head. “I know Twilight, H.B. She’s not thinking that.”

“Alright, I’m afraid that she’s thinking that,” I correct myself.

Spike rubs my shoulder. “I don’t think that you are doing this on purpose either, H.B.”

“That’s nice of you to say, Spike, but part of me is afraid that I might be, that I’m sabotaging all of this before we even get started.” I reply. Spike frowns at me and I sort of hug myself. “My mother said that it was one of my bad habits.”

Spike shakes his head. “I know you’re ‘sposta respect your parents and listen to what they say, but H.B.,” he looks me in the face. “Maybe you should stop listening to what your mother would have said about you. After all, you are at least willing to give things a try. And nopony can put you down for that.”

Damn it. Spike has a point. I’m just sulking in a pity-party. “You’re right, Spike. I think I’ll go do some drawing. At least I know how to do that.”

Spike’s expression perks up. “Would you like some tea?”

I almost smirk and chuckle. Almost. “Just as long as it isn’t the magical kind, then I would love some tea. Thank you, Spiker.”

==============================================================

From far away, two bright eyes peered through binoculars at the library window. Next to them hovered a notepad that was furiously writing notes.

“Well?” Asked the pale pony. “Can you see it?”

“If I hadn’t been watching for the past hour and a half, I wouldn’t believe it.” Lyra replied, lowering her binoculars. “She can’t use her hooves properly.”

“Which, according to my research, is one of the signs of what we are looking for!” Tail Spinner replied. His tone both hushed and excited.

“But what if we’re wrong? What if they were just playing a game of sorts?” Lyra asked.

“What pony plays a game of ‘balance the object on your hoof?’ Besides, you saw the book that Miss Twilight was holding, ‘A New Parent's Guide to Teaching your Foals?“ he lifted his pair of binoculars up again and peered through the window. The tan pony looked out the window, her mess of a mane tasseled about before she reached up and pulled the shutters closed with her mouth. A strange glimmer passed his eyes and he grinned an unnerving grin.

“That’s true.” Lyra paused and looked at the now closed window. “But what if-”

“What if you have found the first sign that humans actually lived in Equestria, Lyra?” he moved passed her in the bush. “What if this is the being that you are looking for? Think about what you can learn, think about what you can discover, and if you can get them to show you their true nature...” Lyra blinked at the questions for a moment, but that last thought held tantalizing possibilities. “Then you can show all those ponies who laughed at you..”

“Yeah, I can show them all.” she refocused her binoculars. “Show them all that I am not crazy!”

Tale Spinner nodded. “Exactly,” he started packing up. “I need to get back to my base in Manehatten, this observation has brought me new data that needs to be analyzed.” he put a hoof on Lyra’s shoulder. “As the head of the H.L.C. chapter here in Ponyville, I know that this,” he paused and reached for the right word, “Mission is in good hooves. I will keep in touch with you, Agent Heartstrings. Keep looking for the signs. And when the time is right, initiate first contact.” he said, leaving the bushes.

“Right!” Lyra smiled. First contact with humans, she couldn’t wait!

==============================================================

It’s about seven o’clock and my wrist is getting a little tired from practicing my drawing. I love this pencil that Pepper Pocket created for me. Not only can I easily switch between pencil and eraser, but the graphite seems to just come out without me pressing it.

Spike brought me more mint tea and put it in the special cup. I had to use my left hoof for that cup. It felt awkward at first, but old lefty got a good workout and before I knew it, I was sipping tea with one hoof and drawing with the other.

“What gives with that?” I think to myself. “I can get this cup to wrap around my hoof just fine, drink out of the glass just ok, but balancing something on the flat of my hoof and everything says, ‘No!’? It’s like the universe is purposely trying to fuck with me.”

I look around me. I am just noticing how dark it's getting. “Must have been wrapped up in drawing,” I mutter to myself. The drawings that sit before me aren’t masterpieces, they aren’t even as good as I used to be. But they are getting close to how I was on my worst days.

Amazing how sloppily drawn pictures of Twilight and Spike are making me feel slightly better about myself. Then my stomach grumbles at me and reminds me that it needs to be fed. I wonder what is for dinner. Looking around, I realize the lights aren’t on in the library right now. And not only am I realizing that it’s getting dark, but that I haven’t heard a peep from Spike or Twilight in the last hour.

I press the pressure button on my pencil. It makes a soft ‘zzzt!’ noise and loosens out of my hoof-hole. I pluck it out with my lips and place it into my open saddle bag. The light is quickly being consumed by the shadows and darkness. Back home that wouldn’t be a problem. But here in Equestria? Who knows what lurks in shadows. Oh, I’m sure that Twilight keeps a guard on the library, and I am sure that Ponyville has all sorts of spells, charms and incantations for safety placed on it. I mean, fuck, there are unicorns living here. Magic on demand.

But the quickly encroaching darkness is unnerving me. It really doesn’t help that as a child, I used to see faces in the darkness. My mind would latch onto images and like any child, make them into whatever it wanted to be. Doors and dartboards would grow and shrink on their own accord and I was always quickly tucked under my covers, just in case something in the closet or a vampire was lurking about.

I shake my mind of these things. “They aren’t real. They’re just in your head. You are a grown...adult...a man in your mind, despite the mare outer coating. You have nothing to fear,” I tell myself.

“Twilight?” I call out. “Spiiiiike?” I peer into the kitchen. Not a pony or a dragon there and it’s dark. I back away as a few strange shadows crawl on the floor. Looking up, I see that it is nothing more than the moonlight and some tree branches. I really should turn on a light. I walk around the lower floor a bit. “Twilight? Spike?” Part of me is starting to play this out like some horrible pony themed monster movie.

I attempt to shake the feeling off. Then I hear a creaking coming from upstairs that causes me to jump a little. “Of course. Twilight went upstairs after hoof lessons,” I tell myself. I climb up the stairs “Spiiiiike? Twilight?” But when I reach the top of the stairs, no answer. This is starting to freak me out a bit. Where could they be?! I look around the few upstairs rooms before making my way to the bedroom. “Spike? Twilight?”

Then I see a thin line of light from the ceiling above me. There is a pull string that drops some stairs that lead to the attic. Lucky for me, it is low enough for me to reach up and pull down with my mouth. Which is exactly what I am doing. The stairs clunk down, and carefully I start to climb up. I peer up into the attic. “Spike? Twilight?” I whisper.

I cautiously enter this place. The light appears to be coming from a small hanging lamp. And there isn’t anyone here. I take one final look around. That’s when I see a figure looming in the window. I notice a head turning in the window and I am met with two luminescent eyes. I nearly jump back to the door leading to the stairs, when the face goes ‘who’ at me. My panick lessens.

“Oh,” I chuckle, relieved at this sight. “That’s where you have been hiding Owl-”

But I don’t get to finish my sentence as Twilight’s pet owl’s face turns from mildly friendly, to downright scary. A horrible hiss escaped from the bird’s beak and he comes at me with talons splayed.

Everything happens so fast. A scream rushes from my throat. I jump back several feet. This results in me taking a tumble down the stairs and landing hard back on the floor below.

You Can't Fool Owls

Chapter Eight.

You Can’t Fool Owls.

“Are you sure that it was a good idea to leave her alone like that, Twi?” Spike asked.

“I’m sure she didn’t even notice that we were gone, Spike.” Twilight replied. “And, in case she did notice, I left a note on the kitchen table.”

“Why did we go out anyway?” He looked at the wires and various other things that Twilight had picked up from the hardware store.

“There is something going on with her hooves that I just can’t figure out,” Twilight began, frowning. “I mean, we tried for three hours to get something to balance on them and nothing we did worked!”

“So...that has to do with the wires, how?” Spike said, showing a bit of concern.

“I want to run some tests,” Twilight replied.

“Tests?” Spike sounded even more concerned. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“If there is something interfering with the way that her hooves should operate, then as her teacher and guide, I should know about it,” Twilight explained. “Besides, I am sure that she would want to know about it too.”

“Well, that does make sense,” Spike began. “But didn’t you try this kind of approach with Pinkie Pie and her ‘Pinkie Sense?’ And didn’t that kind of...well you know.”

“This is different. For one, Heartbreak’s-” Twilight began.

“H.B.” Spike corrected. Twilight gave him an off look. “Hey, it’s what she’s comfortable with.”

“Fine. H.B.” Twilight rolled her eyes. “H.B.’s hooves shouldn’t be doing this. After all, there is no rational reason why a perfectly level hoof can’t have something balancing on it! And besides, H.B. is from a world where science and the scientific method are a standard part of day to day life.”

“Alright, but I can’t shake the feeling that she might not be so warm to the idea, Twilight,” Spike replied, rubbing his arm.

“And why wouldn’t she?” Twilight asked, as they made their way back to the library.

“Well, for the same reason she doesn’t like talking about her past, or her own world. You’re trying to, well you know, invade into that part of her that she doesn’t like talking about.” he patted Twilight’s saddle bags. “What if something that she doesn’t want you to know slips out while you are doing this testing?”

Twilight snickered a little. “That can’t be helped, Spike. After all, it wouldn’t be my fault that it happened now, would it?”

Spike frowned and face palmed. “That’s not the way she’d see it, Twilight.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Yeah, most likely she would really get on me about ‘invading her privacy’ and how knowing these things would lead to a spinning vortex of insanity or something like that.” The unicorn was met with a stern glare as the little dragon folded his arms. “Alright, you have a point. I will present the idea to her tomorrow. And if I can’t convince her,” Twilight thought about what she was going to say next tentatively. After all, Spike was the type of dragon that would hold anypony to their word. “I will let it go for the time being. Unless something else comes up that causes some concern.”

Spike grimaced a bit and rolled his eyes. This was better than nothing. “Alright, I guess.” He noticed that it was starting to get dark pretty fast. “We should hurry up. If your note in the kitchen doesn’t do the job of letting H.B. know that we’re gone, her stomach will.” Spike chuckled. “That pony certainly likes to eat.”

Twilight nodded. “That’s true. With that considered, I think it might be wise to get her exercising more. I know I’m not responsible for her health but,” Twilight’s expression softened with concern. “It’s just..” She mulled over how she wanted to phrase what she was feeling.

“You want to show that you care.” Spike gave her a questioning look. “That is what you are getting at, isn’t it?”

“Well,” Twilight grimaced and looked away, “Yes.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that, Twilight,” Spike replied. “From what I have seen, despite what she says, H.B. does care about what you think of her. Though-” Spike paused.

“Though?” Twilight asked.

“Though if you promised that it would give her a chance to get outside of the library, you’d have more success,” Spike said, continuing his thought. “She really doesn’t like being cooped up.”

Twilight sighed. “I think I will bring that up tomorrow as well.” She replied. “Right now, I focus on dinner. I was thinking something simple, like sandwiches.”

Spike shrugged. “Sounds good to me,” he replied, opening the library door.

Twilight turned on a light and looked around. “H.B.! We’re home!” she called out.

Spike blinked. “H.B.?” He scanned the room. “That’s odd, she’s not here.”

Twilight looked concerned. “What? She has to be here.”

“You don’t think-” Spike’s thought was interrupted by a blood curdling scream that originated from above. This scream was followed by the sound of something crashing on the floor above. “Twilight! That sounded like-”

Twilight had already disappeared in a flash of light.

=============================================================

When the bright light of teleporting cleared from Twilight’s eyes, she was greeted with a rather unpleasant sight. Heartbreak was lying back on the floor with a pained and angry expression on her face. Her hoof reached up and rubbed her shoulder.

“F-F-F-FETTING OWL! A VERY NICE HELLO TO YOU TOO!” She shouted at the top of her lungs.

Twilight jumped back. “Heartbreak! What happened?!”

Heartbreak rubbed her eyes. “What happened?! What Happened?! Owlowiscious attacked me! That’s what happened!”

“What?” Twilight stammered. “What did you do?”

“What did I do!?” Heartbreak snarled. “Nothing! I came up here looking for you and Spike. I thought you were up here because that’s the last place I saw you go. When I saw that there was a light on in the attic, I figured that you were up there!” She explained, pushing herself up off the ground. “Then, when I get up to the attic, I see two yellow eyes, I gave a friendly greeting and out of nowhere, he comes flying at me talons spread!”

Twilight blinked. “You’ll have to excuse me if I don’t believe you right away, but that doesn’t sound like something Owlowiscious would do, Heartbreak.”

“I know that, Twilight!” she exclaimed pointing her hoof at the attic door. “But that’s what that crazy bird did anyway!”

Twilight looked up at the attic door. It would be far out of character for Owlowiscious to attack anypony. He came off as a bit creepy and reserved to most, but was always helpful. Cautiously, Twilight crept up the stairs. “Owlowiscious?” she asked into the darkness. At first there was nothing, but then a quiet ‘who’ came from above. “There you are. Come down here.”
Owlowiscious turned his head and flew down near the attic window. Twilight followed him. She bit her lower lip and found herself not believing what she was about to ask. “Owlowiscious, did you attack Heartbreak?” The bird stared at her for a moment and then his head drooped down in shame. Twilight was taken back by this expression. “You...did?” she asked in a confused manner. “Why?”

Owlowiscious's only response was to peck at the hook that held the window closed open. With a gust of wind, his eyes narrowed at the door leading down stairs and a raspy hiss quietly came from his beak. A flurry of wings left Twilight more confused and with fewer answers than when she came up to investigate.

Spike was helping Heartbreak get her bearings when Twilight came back down. “I’m fine, Spike, but thank you,” she said, her voice still very shaky.

Twilight frowned. “I don’t understand, I’ve never seen him act that way before.”

“I must have startled him,” Heartbreak replied.

“That was a pretty extreme reaction for just being startled, Heartbreak.” Twilight said, eyeing Heartbreak.

Heartbreak blinked. “What are you implying?”

“Nothing, it’s just that for him to react like that, I would have guess that you did something more than just startle him,” Twilight explained.

Heartbreak shrugged Spike’s hand from her shoulder and gave Twilight a rather stern glare. “Are you implying that I did something to instigate the attack!?”

“Well, he was rather insistent on opening the window and flying off. I’m guessing that you must have done something that you aren’t telling me about!” Twilight retorted.

Heartbreak glared at Twilight. “I-” she began. “You!” she stammered. “I can’t believe it! I told you exactly what happened, and you think I attacked your pet owl!”

Twilight took a deep breath. “I didn’t say that you attacked him, I was saying that you might have done something to provoke him. I just want to know what it was. ”

Heartbreak stomped her hoof down on the ground. “I told you! All I did was come up there, look around and greet him! Nothing more!”

“Are you sure?” Twilight asked.

“Ugh! Yes Twilight! I’m sure! Why don’t you believe me?” she cried out.

“It just seems very unlikely that he would have attacked without provocation,” Twilight replied. “And it isn’t like you have been the most honest of ponies here.”

Heartbreak glared at Twilight. “Now you’re accusing me of lying about this?!”

“I’m not saying that either! I am just saying that you generally don’t tell the full story about everything,” Twilight replied.

Spike face palmed and moaned. “Twilight...”

Heartbreak’s expression turned from confusion to near outright anger. “What. The. H-h-hay?! Because I don’t like talking about where I’m from or anything like that, I am lying about your pet owl attacking me?!”

“Well, you seem really defensive about the whole situation. And it seems to me, if you didn’t have something to hide about it, that you wouldn’t be acting this way,” Twilight replied, sternly.

“Defensive!? I-you-owl!” She threw her hooves in the air. “Ugh! You got me so upset that I can’t talk to you right now! You know what?” she turned and started to walk out of the room. “I don’t need this. After every frustrating thing that has happened today? Not going to argue about this thing. Owlowiscious attacked me, and if you don’t want to believe me, that’s your problem. I am going to bed! Downstairs!”

Spike looked worried. There had to be some way of salvaging this situation, some way to rekindle some kind of peace between these two. “H.B.! Wait! What about dinner?”

Heartbreak stopped in her tracks and took a deep breath. “No offense to you, Spike, but right now, I’ve lost my appetite. Good. Night,” she replied, walking out of the room.

Sleep With One Eye Open

Chapter Nine

Sleep With One Eye Open.

Twilight felt like screaming. This whole situation felt like it was escalating to something, but she wasn’t sure what. The more she pushed this pony, the more she pushed back. The more she tried to get answers, the more elusive they became. After Heartbreak left, Twilight began to pace.

“Twilight, are you alright?” Spike asked.

“Oh, I’m just great, Spike. Just. Great,” Twilight replied.

Spike Gave a concerned look. “Right, come on Twi’, this is Spike you’re talking to.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. She knew better than to hide her feelings from Spike. “Alright, fine, I’m not so great. This whole day has been one big stress piled on top of another stress due to that-”

Spike closed the door as Twilight’s voice started to raise. “You know, she’s downstairs.”

“So?” Twilight said, exasperatedly.

“So, she could hear you, Twilight,” Spike said, looking sympathetic.

“At this point in time, I am not sure if I care if she hears me, Spike!” Twilight replied angrily.

Spike frowned at Twilight. “You don’t really mean that, Twilight.”

Twilight looked on the verge of tears. There was something here that she couldn’t put her hoof on about this situation. First there was the hoof, now there was the way that Owlowiscious was reacting to Heartbreak. She stomped her hoof down.

“Come on Twilight,” Spike began. “Tell me what’s really wrong.”

What was really wrong? Was she over analyzing the situation and blind to something? Maybe she was letting her feelings get in the way of what the problem was. Twilight took a deep breath and tried to calm herself. “I,” Twilight began.

“Yes?” Spike asked.

“I think I’m afraid,” Twilight replied.

“Afraid? Afraid of what?” Spike asked.

“Well, of a lot of things regarding Heartbreak.” She began. Spike gave her a disapproving look. “Let me gather my thoughts out here, Spike.”

“Alright,” Spike replied.

“I’m afraid that she isn’t trying hard enough, I’m afraid that she doesn’t want to try.” Twilight sighed a bit. “I know she cares about this, but it’s almost like,” Twilight shook her head.

“Almost like what, Twilight?” Spike asked.

Twilight fell to the ground and looked out the window. It was the window that Heartbreak came crashing through. A few droplets of blood that had stained her floor, signifying the spot where she had landed. “Almost like they set her up to fail.”

Spike blinked. “You mean those nine?”

“I didn’t want to say it in front of her, Spike, she still has so many hurdles to face. Plus, I can’t imagine anypony being so cruel,” Twilight explained. “These were beings that she once loved, once cared for. I understand that she broke their hearts, but what I don’t understand is why they felt the need to subject her to all these things. And it frustrates me to no end that she won’t explain why!”

“Twilight...” Spike reached over to comfort her.

“I know I have said it before, Spike, but it’s just...It’s like she has all the answers but won’t give us any of them! And I haven’t got a clue why she won’t! What’s worse is that when I push for answers, all she does is push back!” Twilight sighed in frustration. “I’m almost afraid that everything she does is going to be like this.”

Spike pulled out a picture from behind his back. It was a more recent drawing that Heartbreak had done. “Not everything is like that, Twilight.”

Twilight looked at the picture. It was a good improvement from what she had seen her produce. There were a few smudges, a few wavy lines, but Twilight blinked curiously at what she saw. It was a bit of a strange, unexpected surprise, a happy drawing of sorts. It was of Spike and her in the library, Spike was reaching for a book and she was getting it down for him with her magic. Twilight opened her mouth as to say something and then closed it. Frowning, she finally sighed.

“She drew this with her hoof, didn’t she?” Twilight finally asked.

Spike rolled his eyes. “Does that really matter?”

Twilight rested her head down on her hooves. “I’m not sure anymore.”

“Look, Twi’, It’s late,” he replied, putting a hand on her shoulder. “How about I make you something to eat, then we get some rest and tomorrow you can tell H.B. your idea. I’m sure after a good night’s sleep, everything will be a bit better.”

Twilight smiled. Spike always seemed to know the right thing to say. “That sounds like a really good idea, Spike.”

==============================================================

I feel like such a screw up right now.

Why the hell was I reacting like that? What the hell was wrong with me? Why did everything that Twilight say sound like it was some sort of attack? Speaking of attacks, why the fucking hell did Owlowiscious even attack me!? All I did was come up the stairs and say hello. And what happens? Razor sharp claws and a beak come screaming at me. Did I say something or do something that could have instigated this attack?

I shake my head. “No, you’re not the one to blame here. You didn’t do anything to Owlowiscious. But then why did he attack me?!” Right now I am not helping myself feel any better about the situation. I am doing what I normally do when I feel terrible about myself: Sulk in the darkness.

“At least I’m not pretending that there is a bright pink goth bunny in my head telling me that I’m a worthless piece of human garbage. I guess the conversation between Mi and Yu did some good. But at the same time H.B., you’re not doing yourself any favors. You’re just avoiding a problem and the ones who could possibly help you with said problem,” I think to myself. “Ugh, why is this so hard?!”

In frustration, I rest my head against my hooves and then stare out the window. Amazingly, it completely changes what I am feeling. The Equestrian night is quite beautiful. A sea of stars litter the sky, the moon is hanging just low enough for me to see it. It’s so pristine, so perfect. Almost too perfect. I rub my eyes and look back at the scene. I guess that part of me is still in disbelief of the world I find myself in. Of course, the fact that I just rubbed my eyes with fuzzy ankles kind of smacks that doubt back into its place.

A draft around my back end makes me shudder and I attempt to kick the blanket that is covering me over that set of hooves. I hate thinking them as my ‘back hooves’. I could call them ‘,what used to be my feet,’ but that seems like a cumbersome of a way of putting it. And attempting to do this is reminding me that, while I miss my fingers, I miss my toes as well. Oh sure, they aren’t as nimble as the other great apes, but human toes can still be used for grasping and picking things up. I eventually get the blanket where it needs to be, but it takes a lot longer than I think it should.

My ear swivels and I hear the door upstairs opening. Spike most likely has finally calmed Twilight down from our argument. At this moment, I am so confused and conflicted by this. Why? Because there is a part of me that wants someone like Spike. Someone that will tell me that everything will be alright, that we’ll get through this, and that all my worry and fear is for nothing. But, Spike can’t be that someone. Spike is that someone else for Twilight. To try to take that from Twilight would be unfair. It would be irrational, it would be just wrong. And yet, there is a part of me that is jealous of their relationship - well, their friendship - and wants to do exactly that.

Ironically, I used to be ‘that someone’ for Her. It makes me question exactly how stable I really was. Was I really the strong one? All it took for me to break was to lose it all. But really, when most people, ‘lose it all,’ they really haven’t lost it all. Not really, they always have some-

“H.B.?” Spike’s voice interrupted my train of thought. “Are you asleep?”

I wonder if I should answer. Damn it! Stop second guessing yourself...H.B...Just make a choice and live with the consequences here! Maybe talking to him might make you feel better about what happened up there. Maybe-

“H.B.?” Spike repeats.

“No Spike, I’m not asleep yet,” I finally reply.

“I just wanted to check to see if you were alright,” he says tentatively. “And to see if you’ve regained your appetite.”

“I’m,” I pause to figure out what I am. I let out a soft sigh. “fine.” Damn, that was so quiet that I’m not sure I heard it. “And no, I’m still not hungry.”

“Are you sure there, H.B.?” He asks me.

“Yes, I am pretty sure that I’m not-” Just then my stomach decides to air a formal protest in the form of a loud growl. “hungry..”

“Uh-hu, right.” He replies. There is a quiet pause between us. “Are you sure you’re ok?”

I grimace. “I’m not really sure of much right now, Spike.”

“Other than that your stomach is saying that you’re hungry,” Spike replies.

“Every part of me is saying something, Spike.” I reply, pulling a errant pillow under my head.

I swear I can hear Spike rolling his eyes and feel the little dragon slumping. “Well, if you and your parts come to an agreement about actually being hungry,” my ears flick back and there is the grating sound of what has to be a plate being set down on the floor, “I made a sandwich for you. You should eat it, it’ll help you feel better.”

There is another pause of quiet between us, which once again is broken by my stomach growling at me. I hear the plate being slid closer to me. “Thank you,” I finally say. “And goodnight, Spike.”

“Goodnight, H.B.” he replies, going back upstairs.

I stare blankly outside, Spike is a good friend, but he’s Twilight’s friend. I smack myself for thinking that. “That doesn’t mean that he can’t be yours too you know. It doesn’t even mean that you can’t be friends with Twilight! But...do you even deserve friends? You had friends before, and what happened? They were taken away from you.” I frown and shake my head from these thoughts. What the fuck. What sort of talk is that? “I’ll tell you what type of talk that is, H.B.: Stupid Talk. There is no reason you can’t try to act less like a Gilda and more like a friend. No. Reason!” Rolling over, I look at the sandwich. The parliament of my body has come to a consensus on its fate. “Spike is most likely right. I’m hungry and suffering from low blood sugar.” It’s a tomato, cucumber and mayo sandwich. Nothing fancy, but rather tasty. I turn and stare at the ceiling. Spike was right, that did make me feel better.

Smiling a bit, I rest my hooves on my chest and prepare to fall asleep. “Things will get better if you let them, H.B.” I think to myself. “Tomorrow is a new day and we’ll see if I can practice more with my hooves. One step at a time.” As I am about to relax, a near terrifying sound reaches my ears.

“Whooooooo!” it calls out. My eyes snap open and I see two yellow eyes in a distant tree through the library window. “Whoooooo!” Owlowiscious is out there, watching me. I can just make out the expression on his face. Two very angry yellow eyes. Slowly, I take the blanket in my teeth and rear my mouth back to throw the blanket over my head.

A quiet and scared meep escapes my lips while one thought passes through my head as I cower beneath the thin sheet of fabric. “It’s going to be a while before I actually get any real sleep.”

Sweet Dreams Aren't Made of These

Chapter 10

Sweet Dreams Aren’t Made of These

The bell rang in Twilight’s ears and suddenly she found herself in a crowd of faces. Hundreds of faces. At least they looked like faces. They certainly weren’t pony faces though.

“Where am I?” she asked out loud among the swarm. Then a slight creeping feeling ebbed at her. The fear of being late for a class. How could she forget that she was at school? She looked through the sea of moving beings, and with a sudden burst of speed, she took after to it.

A couple of the beings stood in an alcove near two double doors of the school wing. They were leaning against the wall and laughing at some prior joke when they spotted her.

“Run, Forrest! Run!” one of them called out. Twilight glared at them for a second, but continued on to her classroom. After all, she wasn’t here to talk to other students. She was here to learn. And right now, all these...kids, they were in the way of that.

She paused and looked at the blurred images of the others around her. They were the same monkey-like creatures that she had seen once before. But, they were more juvenile, less matured. Many of them were in conversations of their own, gesturing and huddled in small groups near what looked to be lockers that lined the walls.

“Is this the place she is from?” Twilight asked, momentarily pausing. Then the feeling of fear tugged at her. The fear of being late for class. It pushed her forward and to her final destination. She walked into the classroom and was met with a strange sight. Odd boxes with screens were sitting on rectangular tables. The tables were set up in a ring around the edge of the room and a ‘U’ shape in the middle of the room. The students hadn’t arrived yet and the teacher was sat at her desk looking somewhat surprised at Twilight.

“Where do I sit?” Twilight asked, looking at the teacher. An older female with greying hair.

“Seeing that you are here first, you can take whatever computer you like,” she responded.

Twilight took a seat at the lower right side of the ‘U’ shape. There was a rectangular board in front of her with little buttons that were way too small for any hoof to tap. There was a heavy thumping sound on the ground and she looked over and saw what appeared to be a backpack that was practically over stuffed with books and papers. Had she been carrying that with her?

A group of students started filing into the class and began to take their seats. She reached forward almost absent mindedly and her hoof flicked a switch. The screen in front of her started to come to life. White words in long instructions scrolled over the glass window before her. There were a series of beeps, clicks, and whirrs that accompanied them. Finally, the screen turned a faint sky blue and there were tiny images on the right of the screen. They read ‘computer,’ ‘desktop,’ ‘files’ and ‘trash’. Twilight started to feel antsy about the device in front of her.

The school bell rang and the teacher started talking. “Today class, we are going to learn how to make a header for letters.”
Twilight blinked. Normally anything dealing with a letter would have excited her, however, a different set of emotions were bubbling to the surface. Boredom and impatience were the primary ones.

As this teacher kept talking, her attention began to wane and the slight feeling of her intelligence being insulted by the assignment began to grow. She glared at the computer screen in front of her. It flickered with an almost dull light. “What is the point of taking a class about things I already know about?” she thought, eying the contents of the backpack next to her.

As the teacher finished talking, the students around her placed their...hands. Yes, those were hands on their keyboards. Delicate, thin fingers began to type away at the keys. She wondered how her fellow students could even find any joy or interest in such a boring assignment.

Then an idea struck her. A rather horrible idea, a terrible idea. She leaned forward to the computer screen and set her hooves near the keyboard. She stared at that glowing one eyed square in front of her. There was a flashing black bar near the top the screen and an assortment of little letters. She looked around and wondered if she should even do what she was going to do.

It was so out of character for her to feel this way about an assignment or even about a teacher! But an excitement went through her as she heard the clitter-clatter of the keys in front of her. What was exactly happening? She looked down, her hooves sat at the base of the keyboard and yet the sounds kept coming.

“How am I even doing this?” she wondered. But by the time she had finished that thought. Her horrible deed was done. The letter head was in large font and clearly readable from her screen. The sudden thrill of what she was going to do was now filled with shame and fear at what she had done.

“The Instructor of this class is an Ignominious”

Twilight felt the presence of something even worse behind her: Her teacher. Turning around, she felt the unnerved and rather wary smile creep on her face.

“You think this is funny?” the teacher asked.

“No I just thought that-” Twilight sputtered.

“It doesn’t seem to me like you were thinking at all. I want you to see me outside in the hall. Now,” the teacher said in an authoritative manner.

Twilight squeaked and walked out the door. As she did so, the classroom and hallway seemed to fade into a nothingness.

==============================================================

I must be dreaming again. Several factors are cluing me into this little fact. One: I’m human again. Two: I am in a classroom setting. Three: I am sitting at a desk.

I have only been in Equestria for nearly a month and a half and May is quickly approaching. So technically, I’ve seen three months. That is if you want to get technical. This point doesn’t seem to be very important to what is going on around me at the moment, but dreams are funny that way.

I’m the type of person who dreams vividly. I remember most of my dreams and all of them are in colour. The whole last March and April was consumed by nightmares with pepperings of few pleasant dreams. All of my nightmares were haunted with images of Celestia standing before me and telling me that I wasn’t worthy on some level. In each one I would start out as a perfectly normal human and then something would happen, a perception shift, a transformation, or something and suddenly I would be on all fours; begging the Princess to let me live. The pleasant dreams - if you care to call them that - were more or less just me in the library. However, as I stated before, the thing that is tipping me off to this being a dream is that I am at school.

I am seated at the front of the classroom, which is normal. It makes it easier for me to get from class to class. There is a murmur of the students around me talking about various subjects, ranging from if they got their homework done to what they are doing this Saturday and the like. Unimportant things really, then the teacher walks in. Alright, now I know for sure that I am dreaming. My teacher is an orange-ish unicorn with a blown back white mane dressed in a lab coat.

“Today class, we are going to be working on our understanding of proper alchemical safety. About what magical ingredients are safe to keep together, and which are highly volatile,” he says, picking up a piece of chalk. Notes start writing themselves up on the board and he continues to give his talk about what compounds do what, why it’s not a good idea to mix dragon’s blood with arctic brine. My attention fades from what he is talking about and I find myself eying the clock on the wall.

“So, for this lab, you will need to partner up!” Those words are like a shock of cold water to my face. A sudden rush back to the reality of the classroom setting. Almost instantly some young purple unicorn zips up to my desk.

“I call her!” he announces loudly.

Frowning, I see that once again, my hands have warped into hooves. And once again, there is a horrible twitch that crawls over my face. I have no idea who this stallion is, but already he’s irritating me.

“Can’t you go find somep-p-pony else?” I ask, my dream voice squeaking up to meet my waking voice. “What about him-” I begin to ask the question, but some pony partners up with them. He gives me a smarmy look. “What about-” Again, I try to point out a different student, but almost instantly, they get partnered up. “Grrrr! What about that one?” I point out a rather clumsy looking colt over in the corner. He smiles at the purple pony. The return colour on his face is a priceless squirming.

“I-I’d rather not, besides!” another unicorn pairs up with the clumsy looking one. “He looks like he already has a partner. And every other pony is taken.” his smarthy grinning makes me feel ill as he points out that little fact. “My name is Ash Charmer.” he attempts to kiss my hoof as some form of greeting.

I quickly pull it away and glare at him. “Right. Charmer. ‘Charmed’ to meet you. But seriously, we’re classmates. And I intend on keeping it that way.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he says, looking hurt. “I am a foreigner as it were. Where I am from, we greet all mares like so.” His eyebrows waggle a bit.

“Whatever,” I reply, looking at my desk.

“Are you all paired up?” the teacher asks the class. “Good, alright, let’s begin by opening up our books to page 377.”

“And what do they call an enchanting mare like yourself?” Ash asks me.

A familiar face leans forward from behind us. “Early bird!” Ugh, what was her name? Pearly White or something like that?

“Mind your own business,” I tell her.

Ash turns up his nose at her and lets out a ‘humph!’ noise. “I’ll have you know that punctuality is one of the best qualities that any student can strive for. And a quality that only the smartest, most intelligent and quite frankly, enchanting mares can possess.”

A sudden flush comes over my face and I attempt to scoot away from the both of them. I do not need another Ghost Writer in my life and I certainly don’t need one in my dreams.

“Awww! Look! She’s blushing!” Pearly says, raising her voice to the point where all the other students start to stare at me. Their giggles start spreading through the room. I can see them pointing and making funny faces at me.

“I am not!” I state in protest.

Ash just smiles a gentle smile and speaks. “Don’t mind them. They’re just jealous. After all, the smartest mares are always the cutest ones.”

I back away from him even more. But a questioning look is painting my face. “D-d-did you just call me ‘cute?’” I ask. The flush in my face starts to feel like it is spreading through my body in the form of a rather odd feeling. What is this feeling?

“Where I am from, we always speak the truth,” he says proudly. “So if I say something, I mean it!”

I swallow hard and realize what the feeling is: Attraction. I am feeling attraction to this stallion.

“So will you be my partner?” he asks.

My thoughts are starting to race and new conflicts are arising in my mind. “No! This isn’t right, this isn’t what I want! Get it out of my head! Stop feeling this feeling! Wake up! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE. UP!!”

Ash’s voice interrupts my panic-filled thoughts. “Well?”

“NO! Get away from me!” I shout at him. The whole of the class is looking at me now in a befuddled manner. “NO! This isn’t right! All of you! Get away from me!”

Ash is taken back. “I was just-” he reaches forward.

“NO! I. DO. NOT. WANT. THIS!” I scream at the top of my lungs. My hoof lunges forward towards Ash, but instead of hearing the thudding sound of hoof on flesh, I hear the sound of shattering glass. Looking up I see black cracks in the world. Confused, startled, and afraid, I just continue to send my hooves flying in every which direction. Each time is met with a satisfying glass shattering noise. Ash attempts to say something, but it is only met with one final blow that causes the whole dream to crumble around me. And into a black inky void...

You Can Never Go Home.

Chapter 11

You Can Never Go Home.

Within the last few seconds, I have been through three rather jarring emotional states. First was attraction. Attraction for a stallion in my dreams. The implications of that very notion is something I would rather not think about. However the question is like a lump of molten iron in my hand. Or hoof if the case maybe. The longer I hold on to it, the more it burns.

“Why was I feeling that?” The mere notion of this is causing me some serious distress. After all, I don’t have these feelings while I am awake. Then again, I haven’t been around enough stallions to figure out if any such feelings would manifest themselves. I really hope they don’t. But that feeling of rage that spiked through me when I realized what was happening could be a good indicator that I don’t really feel this way and that it was nothing but part of the dream.

It’s just my mind manifesting some horrible fear. A fear that is to be confirmed or falsified sometime in the future. Speaking of fear, that is my current emotional state. This is due to the fact that I am now falling through inky blackness with pieces of shattered reality accompanying me. Little fragments of what look to be glass that turn and twist around me. I can barely make out the surfaces, but I can see little images on each of them.

Turning my attention downward I see some faint lights forming. Two pinholes in the inky blackness that surrounds me on all sides. As I continue to fall, I can see them more clearly and they shift in colour. They’re yellow. They continue to grow and grow. As they do so, fear begins to grip me tighter and tighter, almost threatening to strangle me.

The whooshing of ethereal air in my ears is replaced with a familiar noise: Whooooooo!

It is more than apparent to me what those glowing lights ahead of me are. Owloysius’s form seems to pull itself out of the inky blackness like he’s pulling himself out of some sort of tar pit. When finally free, he starts flying at me, his form seeming grow and grow as if he were pulling mass from the surrounding area. His beak opens wide and a horrible voice emanates.

“ACCEPT WHAT YOU ARE!!!”

I look at the approaching owl in confusion. “What?!”

“ACCEPT BEING HEARTBREAK,” the voice booms.

The implications of what this strange voice coming out of Owloysius is starting wash over me. It wants me to give in for some reason, I wonder if this is connected to the prior dream - Something in my mind trying to force me to be something I am not. What’s more, I still hate that name, and being in a dream state doesn’t make this go away. No, if anything, it only intensifies it.

The bird speaks again. “ACCEPT BEING A MARE, HEARTBREAK!”

Rage is now pulsing through me. Rage at that name, rage at my current state, rage at that previous dream, and most of all: Rage at that fucking bird.

“NO! I WILL NEVER LET ANYTHING CHANGE WHO I AM!” I scream at the oncoming bird.

“ACCEP-” he is about to begin. However, my flying hooves have other plans. They meet up with the face of this creature and cause the world to fold up around me.

“NO! NEVER!” I cry out. “I WILL NEVER ACCEPT BEING HEARTBREAK!”

The words almost jump out of my mouth in the small span of time before I wake from this nightmare. I gasp for breath and I am covered with sweat as morning light pierces my retinas. I am shivering and shaking from everything that went through my mind. As intense as the dream was, the images turn from vivid to dull in seconds.

I lay there on the cushion near the window not wanting to move, not wanting to get up. I know sooner or later I am going to have to. That dream nearly scared the piss out of me.

“Today is going to be...interesting...” I think to myself.

==============================================================

Twilight heard the rumbling noise of a bus behind her and the voices of others around her. Looking around, she found herself at the entrance of what could be called a small village of sorts. On her left was a log wood sign that read ‘Timberline Trailer Park.’ A wall of hedge bushes that reached over her head lined the corners of this entrance, behind which were some apple trees.

Twilight walked cautiously into the trailer park. “Where am I?” she said out loud. Judging by the mountainous landscape, she had to be in a valley of some sorts. But like the generic looking cubic homes that were on either side of her as she walked, it told her little next to nothing about where she was, or even what she was doing there.

“Last thing I remember was being at school...” she muttered to herself. Looking up, she found herself in front of a white trailer home with a green trim. There was a small garden in front and a large fenced yard. A few steps that lead up to a simple wood deck, this eventually lead back into the yard. “Weird...” Just then, a short stocky long dog came bounding to the gate. Twilight jumped back a bit as the dog playfully jumped up in a greeting. “Uhm,” she began, “Hello?”

The dog did nothing but greet her with a happy and grateful licking at her hooves. Twilight blinked but then opened the gate. The animal knew her. She bowed her head and looked at the tags.

“Natasha. What a cute name,” she said, looking at the small cube like dog house that was on the deck. There were two small dog dishes for food and water. They had both been licked clean. “Oh dear. I bet somepony is hungry. And thirsty.” She took both dishes with her as she walked through the doorway to the house.

It was a homey looking place with a living room right before her and a kitchen to her right. It didn’t take long to find the large bag of dog food stored in the kitchen.

“There you go, Natasha,” she said, filling the dish. Natasha looked happy and started eating. She turned to the living room and saw a grey tabby cat looking at her pleadingly. “Um, hello?”

The cat only looked at her expectantly and then turned around. Twilight quickly followed the cat. “Wait! Can you tell me where I am? Or why I am walking into a stranger’s houses?” But the funny thing was, it didn’t seem like a stranger’s house. It seemed familiar, it seemed like she knew this home, but she couldn’t place where she knew it from. As she reached a long hallway, she found the cat rubbing up against her legs wanting attention. Twilight looked at this animal’s tags as well. “Sweetface.” The cat did indeed have a sweet face.

Twilight continued to follow the cat into the first bedroom in this hallway. Here, there was what appeared to be a bunk bed, constructed out of local timber and lacquered. Both beds looked like they had been slept in at one time or another. Below the bottom bunk were drawers that, like the backpack she had been carrying, were stuffed with papers. “Whoever lives here is somewhat of a messy pony,” Twilight commented.

Just then, she heard the door open and close. There was a small fear that gripped her as she walked back to the living room. Seated on the couch was an unexpected sight: Her parents.

“Mom, dad,” she walked towards them. “What are you doing here?”

“We need to have a talk with you, young lady,” her mother began. “We got a call from your school.” Her mother looked at her sternly, while her father remained quiet. “Anything you’d like to share with us?”

Twilight swallowed hard. “Well...I,” for the briefest span, she thought about lying to them about what happened in class. The two of them were giving her the, ‘well, we’re waiting,’ look. “I guess I had a momentary lapse in judgement. I wasn’t thinking.”

“I would say that you weren’t thinking,” her mother replied. Her father still said nothing but was looking at her disappointingly, his arms crossed. “Calling your teacher that, causing a disruption in class-”

Twilight frowned. “I did not cause a disruption in class!” she protested.

“If you don’t let me finish, so help me, you are going to your bedroom without dinner,” her mother said curtly. Twilight remained silent. “Good. This kind of attitude problem has to stop. One day you are going to have a rude awakening to the real world when you have to take actual responsibilities for your actions.”

Twilight felt her cheeks starting to burn. This conversation had been short but she wasn’t going to take it. “Me!? What about you two!?”

Her mother glared at her. “What about, ‘us two?’” she asked.

“Aren’t you two meant to be my role models? The ones I look up to for guidance in these matters?” she rubbed her temples, she had no idea where all this was coming from, but it felt like it was bottled up and needing release. “I try my hardest to do everything you ask of me! I study hard! I work hard! I do my chores!”

Twilight began to pace. This was so unlike her, she was never angry with her parent about things, was she?

“I’m quiet at school and rarely cause any trouble! If any!” she turned and looked angrily at them. “But it’s almost always ‘ok’ when you two make mistakes! It’s perfectly fine when you do it, but when Twilight makes a mistake! Hold the phone! Stop the Presses! Twilight is going to have a rude awakening one of these days!”

Twilight threw her hooves down in exasperation. She could feel the anger pulsing through her with every breath. Her mother and father’s expression had changed little during this sudden outburst.

“Go to your room,” Her mother replied curtly.

An angry twitch fought its way across Twilight’s face. There was no use in fighting her. Her mother was the adult here, and there was little to nothing that she could do. Except maybe...Twilight walked down the hallway to her room. She lay down on the floor and then slowly inched back out, stopping just before the corner of the living room. From this vantage she could listen and remain out of sight.

Her father finally spoke. “You know, she’s right.”

Twilight crept back to her room and lay down on her bed. “Why is this happening?” she asked, closing her eyes. Opening them, she found herself back in her library. The morning light was rousing her to get up.

“Today is going to be...interesting...” she thought to herself.

Truce?

Chapter 12

Truce?

Heartbreak turned her head and lifted a hoof to block the morning light. Moaning, she brushed a bit of her forelock on her face. She turned and attempted to try to fall back to sleep. Her eyes slowly opened and peered at the clock on the wall.

“6:30? I haven’t been up this early in a long time.” she rolled her eyes. “Well, if you count a month and a week a long time. It seems like a long time.” She tried to get comfortable again. “I am just going to go back to sleep,” she thought to herself. Her body told her otherwise.

“Fet...locks...” came the first words of her morning. She turned and let her front hooves drop to the ground. The blanket draped over her flank reminded her of a snail creeping out of its shell. “Yup-yup,” she muttered out loud. “That’s me...H.B., the snail-pony.” She took a few steps forward and her back leg dropped in a clumsy manner off the little couch that she had been sleeping on. Her head drooped. It was going to be one of those mornings.

After an arduous battle with the stairs, she walked into Twilight’s room. Heartbreak really hoped that Twilight was still asleep. But it seemed that was too much to hope for as Twilight turned to face her.

“Good-” Twilight began.

Heartbreak put a hoof up to her lips. “Shhhhhh.” She then pointed out the still sleeping Spike. Twilight eyed Spike and nodded. Heartbreak then sluggishly made her way to the bathroom.

“Apparently she didn’t sleep too well either,” Twilight thought to herself.

==============================================================

Looking into the mirror, I see a ghastly sight: Myself.

Alright, that might be a bit harsh, but after that mind-fuckery of a dream? I’m not very happy with my subconscious mind.

“Seriously brain?” I look at my eyes and check to see how red they are by pulling down my eyelids a hoof. Something that has to be done rather carefully. I don’t want to poke my eye out. I open my mouth and stick out my tongue. I should brush my teeth. My last set of teeth had suffered a great deal of decay. Seeing that I have a new pair, I might as well keep them in better shape. “Just one month, more or less and you are wanting to nag me about the subject of what I am attracted to? Thanks but no thanks. I am not interested.” I pick up the toothbrush with my mouth and slip the handle into my hoof-hole. The toothpaste is in one of those push dispensers. Thank Gaia for the little things. Tapping on the faucet, I get a gob of toothpaste on the brush and begin the morning routine. I’ve got to have one of those. It’s a small thing that makes the whole ‘turned into a mare by your evil exes’ thing a little more tolerable.

After brushing my teeth and taking care of a few other morning things, I fill the sink with water. Nice, cold water. I proceed to dunk my face into it. The briskness shocks my senses and makes things a little more clear. I shake my head to get rid of any excess water. Looking back in the mirror, I still see a mess of a ...mare, staring back at me. Her mane is all wet and it makes funny long curls. “I don’t get what others saw in that ‘wet-mane’ look.”

I rub my face and mane on the hanging towel next to me and shake out my hoof. I want to keep it dry. No telling what would happen if just left the hole in it wet. Sighing, I realize that I am now pretty much awake. Or as awake as I can be. “Going back to bed would be a futile effort...might as well go back downstairs and find some breakfast.”

=======================================================================

Twilight sat down at the table. The images from the dream she just had were fading fast. There were little snippets of things that happened. Phrases and names, but nothing solid anymore. Heartbreaks hoof beats were coming down the stairs. Peering out of the kitchen, Twilight’s tiny hope that she would be coming down head first was squished.
Heartbreak sat down at the kitchen table. She looked less of a mess but it was still very obvious that she didn’t sleep well.

“Good morning,” Twilight began.

“I’ll concede that it is morning,” Heartbreak replied, her eyes halfway open and an audible bitterness to her voice.

“Uhm, right,” Twilight replied. “So,”

“Twilight, it’s been over a month since my last caffeinated beverage and I’m sort of starving. If you want me to get my own breakfast I’ll understand. However, if you want some sort of lucid conversation this early in the morning, can I please have some coffee-” Heartbreak started. Twilight gave her a questioning look. “Twilight, please. Mornings have been hard for me lately. I swear I am not going to go overboard, and there will never be another day like Creativi-Tea. I just want a cup of Joe.”

Twilight blinked. “‘Cup of Joe?’” She asked.

“Coffee.” Heartbreak replied, an annoyed expression on her face.

“Oh, heh,” Twilight chuckled. A momentary thought passed through her mind. She wondered what Pony Joe would think about H.B.’s euphemism for coffee. “Well, as long as you don’t go overboard.”

==============================================================

I roll my eyes and sigh. Seriously? I have to ask to have a cup of coffee. I feel like a prisoner in this library. I was able to leave one time thus far, twice if you count Creativi-Tea, but the second time I was chaperoned by Spike! I’m sure that nobody else has to have these tight of restrictions.

I get up from the table and go to the cupboard with the bowls. Today’s breakfast item? Cereal. Basic, simple cereal. I attempt to get the cereal box out of the other cupboard. Not an easy task, but it is a lot easier than opening and pouring the box. Here’s a hint on how it goes - Not very well. Small golden corn flakes are scattered around the bowl. Twilight looks up from her preparing the coffee, and that magic glow of hers surrounds the errant flakes. They fly into my bowl. Cereal: Check. Now the milk.

Opening the refrigerator is easy. Getting the milk is not. Twilight looks at my struggle and gives me a sympathetic look. “Why don’t you let me get that, H.B.?”

I sigh and droop my head. “Fine..thanks...I guess.” I feel like a fucking three year old.

While Twilight pours the milk, I can hear the coffee pot starting to gurgle and percolating. Before long, the wonderful smell of coffee is filling the air. Then a thought occurs to me. “There isn’t hay in the coffee, is there?”

Twilight blinks and rolls her eyes. “You’re actually in luck with that. No. No there is not hay in our coffee.”

I look at the spoon that is set neatly next to my bowl. Fuck. The handle isn’t the right shape for my hoof. Right. Let’s not complain about this for once, H.B. Just enjoy the breakfast that Twilight has provided for you. She bought the cereal with her own bits, she poured the milk, and she is kind enough to make you coffee. And she has yet to kick your lazy, no good, do nothing flank out on the streets. I still sigh and bow my head into the bowl. Eating anything like this feels degrading.

Twilight sets a coffee cup down on the table. “Sugar or cream?” she asks. What the hell? Why is she being so nice? Last night, we were at each others throats, and right now? I feel like she’s buttering me up!

“Sugar please. Three spoonfuls if I can?” I ask. I should just be accepting of Twilight’s attempts to patch things over. If that is what she’s doing. But last night’s dream? Even despite the fact that the details are fading, it’s put my knickers in a knot. Even if I am not wearing any knickers...

“That’s a bit much sugar,” she pauses. “But alright.”

Fucking-A. Right now I am fighting the urge to twitch and snap at her. I feel like a little orphan boy asking for more greul! “Please, Twilight! Can I have some more? I swear I’ll be ever so good! I’ll shine your horse shoes and carry all your books for you!” I close my eyes tightly and munch on my cereal, hoping that Twilight can’t make out my expressions. Stop it, H.B. She’s being nice. Accept that. Knowing you, you’ll most likely say something within the next five minutes that will ruin the moment.

The sugar bowl and coffee pot float over to meet the cup sitting next to me. In goes the still piping hot coffee and then one, two, and a reluctant third spoonful of sugar. To help the medicine go down. Twilight sits back down and smiles warmly at me while I eat my food.

==============================================================

Twilight hid her feelings behind a smile. H.B.’s posturing and body language told her that she wasn’t happy about something. Not happy about something in the slightest. “I bet she is still upset over what happened last night,” Twilight thought to herself. H.B. slurped up the last of her cereal and attempted to carefully lift the bowl with her ankles. She was doing an alright job of it, but Twilight felt that at any moment the bowl would fall. “So, about last night,” Twilight began after H.B. had finished the last of the cereal.

“What about last night?” She asked, trying to slip the coffee cup handle around her hoof.

“I want to apologize,” Twilight continued. “After all, if I am going to try doing what I want to do, I need to smooth things over with you,” She thought to herself.

“Oh?” Heartbreak asked, raising an eyebrow. The cup was now slipped around her hoof. She sighed and bent her head down to pick up the spoon. She stirred her coffee before blowing on the surface.

“I had no reason to think that you attacked Owloysius. I was upset and frustrated. After all, Owloysius might be a ‘pet,’ but he is still part of the family,” Twilight said, explaining herself.

Heartbreak stared at the surface of her steaming coffee. She nodded. “This is understandable,” she replied, sipping it. “I will...admit,” her face paused and she frowned, as if she was calculating her next response. “I may have overreacted. But he did startle me and I did take a bit of a tumble.”

“Truce?” Twilight asked.

H.B. slowly sipped more of the hot coffee. Her lips smacked together and finally an ‘ah!’ came out. “Truce. But only because you got me some coffee.” Heartbreak took a longer sip of her brew and then looked up at Twilight. “So. What are you wanting to do today, Twilight?”

Twilight craned her neck and looked away. “What makes you think that I was wanting to do anything with you today, H.B.?”

“Other than this cup of coffee, the over all niceness, and the calling for a truce?” Heartbreak replied.

“I don’t see how those things would make you think that I was wanting to do anything special for today,” Twilight replied.

“Maybe, but this is the longest conversation and time that we have actually sat down together. That could be because the library is mostly clean or because you don’t have any errands to run. But at heart, I’m a skeptic,” H.B. replied. “And what you just said kinda tips it off.”

Twilight nodded. “Right, well now that you mention it,”

=============================================================

AH-HA! She was buttering me up for something! I knew it! Alright H.B., Play it cool. Don’t show her any emotion. Let’s just see what her latest little exercise to push you into being a pony is going to be! Poor, poor predictable Twilight.

“I was hoping that I could show you what’s in my basement,” Twilight finally explains.

Well, this is something I wasn’t prepared for. Those are the most creepy and terrifying words that I have ever heard come out of Twilight Sparkle’s mouth.

But I'm Never Right!

Chapter 13

But I’m Never Right!

“Is there something wrong, H.B.?” Twilight asks me.

I take a full gulp of the coffee. It’s still pretty damn hot, but not hot enough to burn my throat. I slip the cup off my hoof. I think about how I am going to approach this situation, sigh and then rub my temples.

“Twilight, why do you want to show me what’s in your basement?” I ask her.

She looks nervous. “I have a theory about why your hooves don’t work right, and I wanted to run some tests.”

I nod. “Right, and in your basement there is some pretty advanced Equestrian testing equipment that you would just plug me up to. And then you would just ‘run some tests.’”

Twilight gives me that look that she always gives me when I tell her about the things I know. I am getting sick of seeing that look. It’s an uneasy fear that is mingled with slight dramatic shock. “You know about what’s in my basement?”

I frown, roll my eyes and face-hoof. “Yes I do, Twilight.” I get up from the table. I don’t care that my coffee is halfway finished. She raises a hoof. “You know I am not going to explain how I know, Twilight. So don’t bother asking.”

“Well, then if you know, will you help me find out what’s wrong with you?” Twilight asks. Her question seems innocent enough on the surface, but I know better. I shoot her a deathly glare. “If we know what is happening with your hooves, maybe we can fix it.” she says with a wide, ‘I’m really trying to help you! I really am!’, look in her eyes.

“No.” I walk into the library area.

“No?” she asks me.

“No,” I say, going over to the couch that I slept on last night.

“Any reason why?” she asks me.

“Seriously?” I say as I attempt to get back up on the couch.

“Let me guess,” she begins in a mocking voice. “‘It will lead to a spinning vortex of insanity from which there is no return, Twilight Sparkle!’”

I hated being mocked by my mother as a child. I. Hated. It. The way she would attempt to imitate my voice and try to push me into doing or saying things that I neither wanted to or meant to say. That same spike of anger twitches through my being as we are speaking right now. “No Twilight. It’s not that at all.”

“Then what is it?” she asks.

“I’m not comfortable with being hooked up to machines whose inner workings I know nothing about.” There is that and the fact that I am sure that Twilight is attempting to needle out information.

“But aren’t you from a world that is nearly overrun with machines that practically control your life?” Twilight asks me.

I rub my temples again and turn to face her. Her misconceptions about the world I am from are mostly my doing. I haven’t told her much and have left too much to her imagination. “I never said that! They,” I pause and try to collect my thoughts. But that angry snake in the back of my head is pushing me to get more and more pissed off about this situation than I should be. “They just make life a lot easier. Plus we don’t just go around hooking them up to random p-p-ponies and expect ‘all kinds of scientific information!.’”

Twilight’s face snaps and she opens her mouth looking confused and desperately trying to figure things out. Shit, I hope I didn’t break her with that comment. I should really tone down what things I know about the shows. Otherwise they really will catch on. “I..You...How!?”

“Stop thinking about it, Twilight, and just take Pinkie’s advice! Alright?” I plead. “I. Just. Know.” I get back up off the couch. Her questions are making me uncomfortable and I feel like pacing. “How does that machine of yours work even?”

Twilight blinks at me. “It works by channeling the ambient aetherial magical energies that are inherent within a pony’s internal bioelectrical system and reading it through a oscillating dielectric tri-coloured crystal matrix.”

I don’t know what’s worse. The abominable sounding quazi-science babble that just dribbled out of Twilight’s mouth, or the fact that being a sci-fi buff I understood half of that.

“Twilight! That doesn’t make any sense! That sounds like science grabble if we were living in a magical fantasy land!” My hooves droop and Twilight is bemused by the expression on my face.

“Equestria to H.B., we are living in a magical land,” she replies.

“Be that as it may! The answer is still, ‘No.’” I reply.

“Are you going to explain to me why?” Twilight asks me.

“I just told you why! I’m not comfortable with it!” I reply. My voice is starting to go up in volume.

“I’m just trying to help you by solving your problem with science!” She counters, nearly getting up in my face.

“With science!? That’s not how you do science! Not on the world I am from. And I’m pretty sure that’s not how you do it here in Equestria!” I nearly shout at her.

“Well then oh great science wizard from beyond the star, what is science and how do you do it!?” She says, folding her arms.

I am not taken back by the question, but I am getting seriously ticked off. I need to back away from Twilight. “Alright, first you make an observation-”

“We did that! We observed that your hooves aren’t working right!” Twilight says sarcastically.

“Hold. Up. First comes observation, then comes hypothesis, then comes testing!” I exclaim at her. “The step you’re missing is the hypothesis, the educated guess on why these things are happening! If you had one of those, you just might have figured out Pinkie Sense!”

Twilight doesn’t even give me a look of confusion. Right now, anger and disbelief are on her face. “Right then! What is your great educated guess about Pinkie Sense?!”

“Simple! Pinkie’s brain works faster than it can process the information! It takes things in on a subconscious level and then alerts her to possible dangers by giving her different twitches, glitches and warning signs!” I shout back at her. “If you had a hypothesis you just might have figured that out!”

“Yeah?!” She says, glaring at me.

“YEAH!” I shout back at her.

“Then what is the hypothesis behind why your hooves won’t work right?!” She shouts back.

“I don’t know! It could be a number of things! Fae magic! Or just the fact that I am in a twenty-one year old pony body and I am missing twenty-one years of practice with them!” I shout at her.

“Well,” she says curtly, “Now we have the second step in your scientific method, can we go downstairs and do some testing to confirm it?” She asks.

This is more than upsetting me now. It is enraging me. It is enraging me so that I have to express it physically. I feel a tightening in my muscles, a fury that begins in my gut and works its way out through my back legs. Almost involuntarily I can feel them kick at the bookshelf behind me. “I SAID NO!”

The books on the shelf all fall off and the shelf collapses behind me. Spike walks out of the upstairs bedroom and shoots us both a burning glare. “Hey! Could you both keep it down!? Some ponies are trying to sleep up here!”

==============================================================

Twilight looked at Heartbreak. The both of them were equally exasperated at the other. What started out as merely Twilight wanting to help Heartbreak in a way that she was used to turned into an all out morning fude. Heartbreak’s face was twitching, her breath was labored and behind her was a pile of books and a broken bookshelf.

Twilight glared at her. “See what you’ve done!?”

“What I’ve done!” Heartbreak retorted back. “I’m not the one who has had her ‘student’ locked up under house arrest for the past month!”

“That was for your own good and safety!” Twilight insisted.

Spike rolled his eyes and came down stairs. “Really, you two? This early in the morning? Come on, can’t we all just get along?”

“Not when she keeps refusing to take even the slightest bit of help from me!” Twilight shouted.

“What?! I’ve been taking plenty of help from you! But when you start insisting that I be hooked up to machines like a lab rat!” Heartbreak countered, shaking her hoof at Twilight. “That’s crossing a line, Twilight Sparkle!”

“I just want to understand what’s going on! I want to understand so that I can help you become a better pony!” Twilight slammed her hooves down on the ground. “I’m starting to get the reason why you were renamed ‘Heartbreak.’”

Spike looked at Twilight in shock. “Twilight!”

“What?” Twilight said, angrily. That anger dissipated when seeing Heartbreak up close like she was. Her face was turned down and her mane and tail, which was normally wavy, had gone completely flat.

“Y-y-you have n-no idea...” Heartbreak began.

“H.B...she didn’t mean what she said. She wasn’t think-” Spike started.

“No, I think she knew exactly what she was thinking.” Heartbreak’s face twitched. “You have no idea what it is like to be me, Twilight. Sparkle.” Her voice was marred with pain.

“I have no idea because you never tell us anything!” Twilight replied.

“Fine. You want me to tell you something? I’ll tell you in a story. How about we visit the Twilight Zone? Hmm?” Heartbreak said, fighting back her emotions. “Let’s take a trip to a strange little world of light and sound, and into a little story that you might actually relate to. A story that might put yourself in my hooves, Twilight wakes up one morning. She doesn’t find herself in her comfy little library bed. But in a nest and in the cold reaches of a high mountaintop! Not only that, but she finds that she isn’t even a pony. She’s now a gryphon! A gryphon that every other gryphon insists is named Hymie. And stranger than that, she can't even say her own name. No, every time she tries to say the name, ‘Twilight Sparkle,’ it comes out as ‘Hymie.’ She can't say 'any pony,' or 'every pony.' She no longer has any magic beyond what a griffin normally has. And worst of all she has Gilda constantly harping on her to preen, learn to use her talons and how to fly!”

“Gilda?” Twilight asked.

“Don’t interrupt my story.” Heartbreak says, calming down a bit. “She suddenly has new appendages, but there’s a problem! The parts of her brain that are meant to control those appendages? They don’t work! She’s clumsy and walks funny. But at the same time she’s expected to eat, breath, and act like a gryphon!” She turned and looked squarely at Twilight. “And that’s what it is like for me everyday! Only my brain says that there are appendages where there are not! And it doesn’t help that my supposed teacher isn’t trying to help me! Or after one lesson with hooves comes to the conclusion that we need to hook me up like some test animal and poke and prod and what have to figure out what’s wrong with me!”

“Heart-” Twilight begin.

“And would it hurt just to call me, ‘H.B.’? I know you’re upset with me, Twilight, but seriously! That name gets on my nerves!” Heartbreak sniffs hard and rubs her face. “You want me to act like a pony, but you don’t even treat me like one most of the time.” She looked out the window. “I need more open space, some fresh air,” she paused. “I would even settle for some fetting grass under my...hooves.”

Twilight took in the critical view that Heartbreak had just dealt her. And then something sparked across her mind.

==============================================================

Damn it. I hope I’ve gotten across to Twilight already. I really do, ‘cause I don’t like being like this. Our whole spat has been one big disjointed mess where we have thrown around accusations, nearly resorted to name calling and have mangled up our feelings. And I don’t like feeling like this. It’s like someone has taken my emotions and put them through a spin wash. They are changing so suddenly, so abruptly. Pain, frustration, rage, fear: Those are all there. There was even some flickers of hope when I was telling that minor story.

Then I look at Twilight. She is still very upset over all this. Her mane is a little frazzled and there are little lines under her eyes. I hate talking to Twilight like this. I don’t want to talk to her like this. We’re so much alike that we could just be friends if the both of us gave it a shot. But the both of us keep saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Then her eyes snap open and there is a slight grin on her face. Crap. I think I broke Twilight.

“You’re right, H.B.,” Twilight says.

“I-I-I am?” I squeak out.

Sweet Apple Acres, The Place to Be?

Chapter 14

Sweet Apple Acres, The Place to Be?

Spike has remained quiet in all this. Maybe he just wanted to see if we could actually resolve our issues together. But he too is looking confused. “She is?” He asks.

“Yes,” Twilight says, astutely. “You do need some time out of the library.”

I look around and smile slightly. “T-that would be nice...”

“Time in a place that has open spaces.” I can feel my ears droop. Knowing my stories, this is a, ‘bad thing,’ scenario in a story. “With lots of fresh air!”

“Well, yes, that’s what I said, Twilight, but-” I begin.

“But what, H.B.?” She says, all too sweetly. “Don’t you want some grass under your hooves? I mean, you’re a student with some needs you don’t feel are getting filled. And as a teacher, I need to help facilitate those needs!”

I want to giggle about how dirty that sounds, but at the same time, I have a bad feeling about where this could possibility be going. “Well,” I start out saying. “The last time you said something like that-”

“Yes, but this time is going to be different, seeing that magic tea won’t be involved. You see, I know the perfect place where we can go to get all those things, and a few things that I think, as a good teacher, you would benefit from.” Yup. I have pushed Twilight too far. Fuck. But she pushed me too far with that comment! How dare she! “Because with the need for some open space, some fresh air and some grass, I think you need a bit of discipline!” She starts to walk around me. “Some exercise!” She gets up and close to me. “And you know, maybe this whole situation could have been avoided if you were just a little more honest!”

Crrrrrap. That clenches it on what is going to happen today. Fuck.

==============================================================

Heartbreak’s face completely changed from that of being hurt and sad to being worried and afraid with in the span of a few seconds. “Heeeey, you know what, Twilight, you were right, and I was wrong!” Heartbreak says, looking really nervous.

“Really now?” Twilight asks.

“Oh yes, I was totally in the wrong, completely. About the library, that is. The library is a wonderful place to be!” she replied, rubbing her hooves together and attempting to try and back peddle.

“Really, now?” Twilight repeated.

“Oh yes,” Heartbreak repeats. “Right, Spike?”

Spike puts up his hands. “Hey, I should be asleep right now, and you two woke me up. And while I don’t agree with Twilight on everything here, H.B., I’m staying out of this one.” He pats H.B. on the shoulder and starts to walk to the kitchen. “But good luck.”

Twilight looked at her student. “Now, you were saying?”

Heartbreak let out a rather nervous sounding laugh. “Well, it’s just that I have really grown used to the cozy feel of the library! And then there are all the books!” She bent down and took a deep sniff of the books that she had knocked down. “Mmmm! I would miss the smell of the bo-” she started to say before being interrupted by a coughing and sneezing fit. She looked up at Twilight with rather big eyes.

Twilight only responded with lifting up Heartbreak’s saddle bag and glaring at her with a small smile. “We’re going out so we can take care of your, ‘needs,’ H.B.”

Heartbreak’s sad face broke and she crossed her arms. “I don’t want to go outside, Twilight.”

“You just said that you did, H.B.,” Twilight replied, attempting to place the saddle bag on Heartbreak’s back.

“I changed my mind! I can do that you know!” Heartbreak replied, fighting the bags.

“But you really, really, really wanted to go outside, H.B.!” Twilight said, grunting as she fought back.

“No I don’t, Twilight!” Heartbreak replied, trying to counter.

“Yes you do, H.B.!” Twilight said, fighting back.

Spike watched from the doorway and munched on some gems indifferently.

“No, I don’t!” Heartbreak grunted.

“Yes, You Do!” Twilight shouted.

“No, I don’t!” Heartbreak repeated again.

“Yes you do!” Twilight rebutted.

“No, I don’t!” Heartbreak said, still fighting the saddle bags.

“No, you don’t!” Twilight said, making sure to see that Heartbreak didn’t see her sly smile.

“Yes I do!” Heartbreak replied.

“No, you don’t!” Twilight said in mock anger.

“Yes I do!” Heartbreak said, fighting even harder.

“NO! YOU DON’T!” Twilight shouted.

“YES I DO, TWILIGHT! I WANT TO GO OUTSIDE AND I WANT TO GO OUT NOW!” Heartbreak’s face blanched when she realized what she just said. She stopped fighting in her confusion just long enough for Twilight to strap the saddlebags on.

“I’m glad we agree finally, H.B. Now come on, we have a big day ahead of us. Spike, please take a letter and send it to Applejack. Tell her that she’s going to have some unexpected help today.” Twilight looked at Heartbreak’s twitching and confused face. “And if she’s lucky, for the week if she’d like.”

Heartbreak drooped and scowled at herself. “I did not just fall for the oldest trick in the book...”

Spike chuckled while he walked past her to get a quill and some paper. “Yes, You did.”

Heartbreak ground her hoof on the floor, while Twilight opened the door. “Crrrrrudmuffins..” she said, exasperated.

Twilight looked at her impatiently. “Come on, H.B.,” she said, smiling that all too sweet smile. “We haven’t all day, and knowing Applejack, she’s already up and doing chores.”

==============================================================

With as many cartoons, movies, and shows I have watched, I can’t believe I just fell for that. I can’t believe that Twilight just pulled the wool over my eyes and was able to trick me with one of the oldest and most well known comedy routines ever.

I also can’t believe that I am standing outside right now, and I am wanting to go back into the library. I have been spending nearly the past two weeks aching over the fact that I can’t go out, and now I want to go back in. The door is still open, I could make a last ditch effort to race back in and hide.

“Oh, Twilight, I think I forgot som-” the door glows with magical energy and then slams shut.

“H.B. Don’t be silly, you didn’t forget anything,” Twilight says, smiling a rather unnerving, sweet smile. She starts walking into the direction of Applejack’s farm. “You barely own anything. You won’t need any of your drawings where we are going, and I did the favor of putting your art supplies, special pencil, sketchbook, and even your diary-”

“Journal,” I correct, following slightly behind her.

“Your journal, in your saddlebags,” She finishes.

“What about my bathroom stuff?” I ask.

“Unless you are misbehaving, you won’t need them.” The threat here is neither vague or sugar coated in my mind. The more I ‘misbehave,’ the longer I will be at the farm.

Yet I feel the need to ask something. “And if I ‘misbehave?’”

“I’ll send your towel and bath things over,” Twilight says. That smile on her face is one that is all too happy. I want to yell at her, I want to tell her to fuck off, I want to get upset and throw a fit. But if I do that, I’ll only be digging myself into the hole I have already dug myself into.

Sighing, I look around. It is a partly cloudy morning and there are only a few ponies up and about. A few shops are preparing themselves for the day to come. Right now I can see all the landmarks that I know so well. There’s Carousel Boutique, Town Hall off in the distance, and finally as we approach Sugar Cube Square - Sugar Cube Corner.

“Cheer up!” Twilight looks at me and frowns. “You wanted to get out of the library, H.B. And while I might have come up with this idea in fit of spite,” she pauses, “I think it will do you some good. After all, you are getting everything that you wanted here.”

“While at the same time being forced to do manual labor...” I mutter.

Twilight shoots me a look. “Nopony is forcing you to do anything, Heartbreak.” Crap, she’s back to calling me Heartbreak again. “However, as your teachers and your guardians, we do set the rules,” she says in a, ‘matter of fact,’ manner. “And you said it yourself before: You’re a grown mare, you can make choices, but there are consequences to those choices.”

I frown and sigh. There isn’t much use in fighting this. Seriously, how do you fight something with magic? I try to run, Twilight can teleport to anywhere I am. I try to fight? Twilight can stop me with magic. She has all the power in this situation, and there is little next to nothing I can do to stop it. It’s like having a mini-Celestia around me. Always watching, always cracking the whip, always-

“Good Morning Twilight! Good Morning H.B.!” My heart skips a beat and I feel myself nearly leap a good four feet into the air as I am startled by what is clearly the voice of Pinkie Pie.

“FFFEt-Locks!” I gasp.

Twilight rolls her eyes and gives me a bemused expression. She turns and smiles sweetly at Pinkie. “Good morning, Pinkie Pie.”

Pinkie has baskets strapped to her sides and a basket hat on top of her head. All of which are filled to the brim with various baked goods. Mostly cupcakes and muffins that are individually wrapped. She smiles and an altogether too happy sounding squee noise comes from her. Then she sees my face and her smile kinda wobbles. “Aww, come on, H.B.! Turn that frown upside down!” She proceeds to do what I would expect Pinkie to do. She uses her hooves to push the corners of my mouth up into a faux smile.

“Pinkie...” I begin to say though my teeth. However, Twilight shoots me a glare. A warning shot that says, ‘You do anything to upset my friend and you will be working the farm for the rest of the month.’ Weighing the options, ignoring that warning isn’t a good idea. Gently, I push her hooves away from my face and give a tenuous smile. “Good morning.”

Twilight gives me a look of, ‘See? Now was that so hard?’ Which it shouldn’t be, but with everything that has happened this morning, last night and the night before? It almost felt like pulling teeth. I really wish it didn’t.

“Wow, you two are up early! I’ve never seen you out this early before, Twilight. Well expect on your first Winter-Wrap-Up here in Ponyville. Then you were up waaay too early.” Pinkie says, talking exactly like you would expect her too. “What are you doing up this early?”

“Well,” Twilight begins. “I feel that it is time to further H.B.’s education. And to do that, I have decided the best way to do that is to have her help Applejack on the farm.”

Pinkie starts ponging after us as we continue to walk in the direction of the farm. “Oooh, that’s right! We’re her teachers! Ooo! Can I help?!”

Twilight gives Pinkie a bit of a look. “Well, I would say yes, but it looks like you are going to have a busy day yourself.”

“That’s true,” Pinkie replies. “But I’m not going to be doing deliveries all day! I could totally help after I’m done!”

Twilight looks thoughtful and then shakes her head. “Actually, I was hoping that H.B. would have some one on one time with Applejack and really get to know about honesty.” She shoots me a look that feels horribly smug.

“Aww! But I am really, really, really looking forward to teaching! I’ve never taught anything before! And H.B. looks like she really could use a lesson in laughter!” Pinkie smiles a really wide smile. “I mean, I don’t even know when I am going to be teaching her!”

Twilight rolls her eyes and looks at me. “I don’t know either, Pinkie. You might want to ask H.B. about that, seeing that she’s really good at telling her teachers about what she needs and how they can best help her reach those needs!” Her voice chimes with a sarcastic tone that reflects what happened this morning.

Before I can respond, Pinkie is already back up in my face. “When do you want me to teach you? Huh? Huh? Huh?” She asks, fluttering her eyes and smiling super widely. Good gods, I can practically see myself reflected in her teeth.

I look away before I die from the sweetness overload. I need to think of something quickly, lest my brain be consumed by the pink fluffball monster before me. “I-I-I don’t know...Pick a month that has the best party in it?”

Pinkie blinks and looks totally taken back. “The best party?! But all parties are the best parties! Especially if I’m the one throwing that party!”

“Whichever month is your favorite and has your favorite party in it,” I reply. Come on Pinkie, take the bait...

Pinkie holds up a hoof and then blinks. She sits herself down on the ground and starts mulling it over in her head. “My favorite month and the month that has the best party...That’s a tough one! I’m going to have to really think about that one!”

I back away from Pinkie and catch up with Twilight. As much as I don’t want to go to the farm, talking with Pinkie Pie is even less appealing. “Yes, you just have a good think right there...” When we are in a safe distance I let out a sigh of relief.

Twilight frowns at me. “Why do I get the feeling that you don’t like Pinkie Pie?” she asks me, as we walk down the unpaved dusty road leading up to the farm.

“It’s not that I don’t like Pinkie, Twilight,” I reply.

“Then what is it?” She asks.

“I’m just not ready to deal with that much...happiness...all at once,” I reply. Crap. That makes me sound like an emo pony. Wait, fuck. I am an emo pony. I couldn’t be more emo unless I was a generation one pony that cut themselves.

“I’m sure you realize that one day, you will have to, ‘deal with that much happiness at once,’ right?” Twilight asks. I frown and push down the overwhelming urge to say, ‘Well Duuuuuh.’

“Yes Twilight,” I reply. “I know that. I hope by then I’ll be more ready...” I really don’t want to have any more conversations right now, I just kind of want to get to the farm and do whatever it is that Applejack is going to have me do.

==============================================================

Pinkie Pie sat on the ground looking thoughtful. What was the best month and the best party throughout the whole year?! She tap tap tapped her head

“Think! Think! Think!” She said out loud. “What’s the best month with the best party?”

With as fast as Pinkie’s brain could go, no real answers were being reached. “They’re all really good parties, and all really good months! But what would the best one to teach her about laughter?! Any normal pony it would be easy to teach. After all, laughing is easy! But Heartbreak is a horse of a different colour! And horses of different colours need to be put in a different light! After all, if she can resist my super special Pinkie-Pie-Plead-To-Smile, then I am going to have to use a really really special party to cheer her up!” She tapped tapped her hoof on the ground. This was harder than anything! Her eyes wandered around the sky and towards Canterlot..

Suddenly she jumped up and stomped her hoof down. “Oh! Oh! Oh! OF COURSE! Why didn’t I think of it before!? What’s the one party, the one month, the one night, with the one Pony that she couldn’t possibly resist!?” Pinkie squealed happily and started bouncing around in a circle. “I know what month I want! I know what month I want!” she suddenly halted. “Though that month is really far away...” she shrugged and then looked determined. “Oh well! I Double-Pinkie-Pie-Promised that I would party with that pony, and nopony breaks a Pinkie promise! Plus I’ll have a lot of time to plan that party! Oh! I can’t wait untill Twilight gets back so I can tell her!” she said, jumping up and twitching in excitement. Pinkie started humming to herself some little song as she trotted away to make her morning deliveries.

After Pinkie had left, there was a rustle in the bushes. Lyra popped out and looked at Heartbreak through her binoculars. “Target sighted going to Sweet Apple Acres...”

Who's a Silly Pony?

Chapter 15

Who’s a Silly Pony?

Twilight looked at Heartbreak. It was, once again, difficult to figure out what to feel about this pony. She was hot, then she was cold. She wanted to go out, she wanted to stay in. She was up and then she was down. It was like she didn’t know how to control her own emotions.

“Time, she just needs time to figure things out. Once she has these things figured out, she’ll be all the better for it,” Twilight thought to herself, sighing a bit. “Until then, it is apparent that she wants space. And really, when it comes down to it, I could use the space myself. Darn it Twilight, how could you not see this coming? You’ve never had another pony living with you before. And just having one dropped into your lap and almost forced upon you? Blows would have come sooner or later. A little time away from each other will do us some good.” Heartbreak looked up and winced a bit, she was starting to walk with a slight limp.

“Is there something wrong?” Twilight asked.

“Nothing that I can’t handle, Twilight,” she replied before taking another step. A fluttery expression of pain crept over her face.

“H.B...” Twilight said, rolling her eyes.

“Ffffine, my hoof is slightly sore from walking. It’ll be fine after I take a rest. I mean, it’s done this before. I ran it under some cold water and then some hot water, but-” she paused. They were halfway down the road to Applejacks.

“But hooves aren’t meant to have holes in them,” Twilight finished.

“No. No they are not, apparently. But I don’t want it ‘fixed,’” Heartbreak replied. Twilight rolled her eyes and was about to speak. “It’s a part of me now, Twilight. It’s mine. It might be different, I’m sure I’ll get weird looks for it. But it’s mine. I’ll just have to do what I do with everything here.” She continued walking, determined. “Adapt, grow, survive.”

Twilight shook her head. While this conversation didn’t make the most sense, it was by far the least confrontational and most pleasant of all the conversations the two of them had this morning.

As they approached the farm, there was Applejack leaning against the gate. “Well howdy girls! And a mighty fine morning to ya both!”

==============================================================

The conversation we just had, I think is a good sign. Despite it being as bland as plain oatmeal, it was neither heated nor argumentative. I would like more conversations like that. I am sure they are the best way to build whatever could be deemed a ‘friendship’ with Twilight.

I sigh. Here we are, it feels like it took forever just to get here. To get to this point in my story. But whatever. Applejack is leaning up against her gate and looking at the both of us with a friendly and inviting smile.

“Good morning to you too, Applejack,” Twilight replies. She looks at me and then gives me a slight elbow.

I let out a small ‘oof’ and look up trying to put on my best face for all this. “Yes, good morning, Applejack.” I almost feel like saying that took more effort than it should have.

“Twilight here tells me that she thinks that it would do ya some good if you got out of the library, and maybe were taught by a different teacher fer’ a while.” Applejack says looking at me.

“I think that would have been Spike trying to sugar coat the whole of the situation that happened this morning,” I reply. Twilight gives a nervous laugh.

“He’s been a real help in all this,” Twilight explains.

To me, ‘real help’ is an understatement. More like the only thing that has been keeping us from ripping out each other’s throats. “Yes, for a baby dragon, he’s really full of a great deal of wisdom,” I interject. “Seems to me that somep-p-ponies should listen to him more often..” Twilight shoots me a glare.

“Well, either way!” Applejack says, with that voice that just drips with, ‘hometown-girl,’ “Yer welcome to stay here on the farm, granted that ya help out with the chores.” She smiles and then blinks. “And we’ll see if we can’t learn a thing or two about honesty!”

Oh yeah. Applejack that was smooth. Why don’t you and Big Mac break out the folding chairs right now and set me off to applebucking, while you two watch me do all the work? I push that thought deep down into the dark pit of my stomach and replace it with, “Oh...boy...Can’t wait!”

“Well, Twi’, Ah would love to stand here and chew the grass with ya, but those apples won’t buck themselves.” she pauses. “But ah just want ta know if there is anything ya want to tell me before ya get going?”

Twilight looks thoughtful for a moment. “Nope! Nothing that I can think of,” she pauses, “At the moment.”

My heartbreak-heartbox translator (tm pending) translated that for me. “In other words, nothing that you want to say in front of me. Smooth Twilight, really smooth.”

Applejack just smiles and nods. “Ah right then! Ah’ll see you later then there Twilight!” she turns and starts walking in the direction of the farm. “Come on there, Heartbreak! We got’a get ya all set up!”

Twilight smiles at me. “I’ll see you whenever you get back, H.B. Remember that this is a learning experience. And try to have fun!” she turns and walks back to Ponyville.

I roll my eyes after Twilight has left. “Fun. Sure, Right. That’s what they call playing hot potato with...whatever I am is called...” I grumble to myself.

Applejack’s voice calls out to me. “Hey! Heartbreak! Come on!”

I shudder and feel my flank twitch. I should just ask them all to come to some centralized location and tell them all at once, H.B. Please, for the love of that white alicorn that you practically all worship. H.B.

“I’m coming! I’m coming, just hold your...horses...” I turn and catch up with Applejack.

“Right then, Ah don’t think Twi’ told ya anything about what is going on here-” Applejack begins.

“Nope,” I reply in an almost spot on imitation of Big Mac. “This was sort of a, ‘spur of the moment,’ thing. For the both of us I am sure.”

“Yeah,” Applejack replies, as we walk to the barn style house. “Now, ah don’t know how things are dun where yer from, but here on the farm we are all about work’n hard. None of them there fancy machines ta help ya out of anything!”
My face twitches hard. Not explaining what things are like where I am from is giving a horribly false impression about everything. I want to find a tree and slam my face into it. Oh look, there’s a nice apple tree I can use. It isn’t hard to fight off the urge to actually do that. Instead I sigh and grumble.

“Is there sumthin’ wrong there, Heartbreak?” Applejack asks me.

I grimace again. I don’t want to start this out on the wrong foot! I am not going to start this out on the wrong foot. Just try to explain things! I take a deep breath. “Just...a few little things, Applejack...”

She stops. “Such as?”

“For one, I hope this isn’t too forward of me, but could you please call me, ‘H.B.’ and not ...Heartbreak?” I explain.

Applejack blinks and smiles a bit. “Ah didn’t think that we were on nickname terms already.”

“It’s not that,” I reply. “It’s just that, that name reminds me of...everything...”

“Oh,” Applejack frowns and then peers at my flank. “But it is yer name right?”

“I see that Twilight didn’t explain anything,” I reply, covering my flank with my tail. “It’s a name that’s been forced on me, Applejack. And that mark you looked at? It isn’t a real cutie mark.” I scuff my hoof against the ground. “It’s a branding.”

Applejack’s eyes go wide and then tiny. There is a pained expression that rolls over her face. “Sweet Nelly, them nine did a real number on ya.”

“Right, so that’s what Twilight dumped on your lap. A very broken creature that was turned into a pony that’s not even a pony, with something that isn’t even a cutie mark.” I look thoughtful. “Almost like a Pinocchio pony... but anyway. Then there is the other thing you just said.”

Applejack’s expression sours a bit. “Other thing?” Crap, don’t upset AJ, Don’t upset AJ, we don’t need another Twilight moment!

“I-It’s understandable! I-I don’t mean it as a bad thing, it’s just that I’ve given all of you misconceptions about the world I am from...” AppleJack looks at me with curiosity, it’s kinda unnerving.

“It’s not like we have a machine for everything and I do know what hard work means!” I exclaim, looking down. “Right, everything is coming out really awkward, can we just get to doing what we’re going to be doing?”

Applejack rolls her eyes. “Alright, but seeing that ah got the hand me down version of what happened between ya’ll and Twilight, ah have a few things to set down. Ground rules.”

“Oh goodie,” I reply.

“Hey, ya follow them, and ya’ll be here for a day. No fuss, no muss and ah can get back to doing family business,” Applejack tells me.

“I break them, and I get to have a happy week with the Apple Clan,” I interject sarcastically.

Applejack frowns. “Basically, yeah. And right now yer skimming one of the rules that just came to mind. But the first rule ah got is simple. Work hard and try yer best. Nopony can fault ya for trying, but if yer not trying at all? Well, then there will be consequences.”

“Such as?” I quip. Applejack gives me a look. “I’m just curious.”

“Seeing that this was sprung up on the both of us, Ah don’t have anything in particular in mind. However, seeing that ya had to go and ask, Ah would say sleeping in the barn is the lightest of them,” She replies.

I am fighting the urge to chuckle at this. “Applejack. You already sleep in a barn.” I point out her house.

She frowns at me. “That there is the house.” She points my snout in the direction of another building that seems to be stuffed with hay and might need a wee bit of repair work. “That there is the barn.”

“Oh,” I reply.

“Ma next rule is also pretty simple,” she gives me a deadpan stare. “No sass talk.”

“No sass talk?” I ask. Alright, the nature of this rule just sounds stupid.

“No back talk, what ah say goes, and if ah tell ya to do something, ah expect ya to try and do it without too much complaining,” Applejack explains.

I am so fighting the urge to say something sarcastic right now. “Oh but AJ! Being sarcastic is what my real special talent is!” Instead I bite my lip hard.

“The next rule is that ah want ya ta be on yer best behavior. Ah got family coming over ta help with the harvest and ah don’t need to handle them and you at the same time,” Applejack replies.

“Family?” I ask. I am getting sick of all these rules. I need something to change the subject, and this little bit seems like the perfect time. “Which part?”

“Yes, family, it’s-” Applejack pauses. “What’cha mean ‘which part?’”

“Is it your family from Appleloosa? Or from one of the many parts of Equestria? Is it Apple Fritter, Apple Bumpkin, Red Gala, Red Del-” I stop mid-sentence and note the expression that Applejack is giving me. I realize that I haven’t a clue why I just started to rattle off their names. Nerves? Jitters? Or just a part of me that is desperate to get away from the ‘seriousness’ of this conversation.

“How...” She begins.

A thought passes through my head. This is a perfect moment that will never come again. I must use this moment to ask one question that will forever shape the foundations of the world. Well. Alright, it’ll just make me feel better.

“Applejack, who’s a silly pony?” I look around, trying to fight off a snicker.

“Uuuh, Ah don’t know..” She says. She’s about to ask what that has to do with anything before I interrupt her as quick as I can.

“You is, Applejack.” The expression on her face is rather priceless.

“Was that a joke or sum'thin? 'Cause, ah don’t get it,” She replies.

Seeing the Seams.

Chapter 18

Seeing the Seams.

Applejack blinked. “Sheep are always like that with newcomers. They just don’t know what ta make of ya is all.”

“I am starting to gather quite a bit of evidence that says that it is a lot more than that, Applejack,” Heartbreak replied. “I’m not one-hundred percent sure,” she paused and leaned her head against a fencepost. “I think I need more evidence to support any real valid conclusions.”

Applejack shook her head and looked totally lost. “Say what now?”

“Nothing, Applejack.” she replied conking her head on the post. “It’s just my way of using, ‘fancy-talk,’ to say, ‘I don’t know.’” She paused and kicked one of her hooves. “Yet.”

“Huh, with the way ya were talking, it’s a wonder Twi’ an’ ya aren’t getting along better,” Applejack said. Heartbreak just rolled her eyes and sighed. “Uhm, right, still a sore issue. Come on, there’s still one thing ta show ya before we get to the orchard.”

==============================================================

Well great. First I have my Fluttershy showing, then I have my, ‘Twilight,’ showing. Maybe my, ‘Pinkie Pie,’ was showing when I was attempting a joke. If the other mane six are up there somewhere, I can imagine that I have my Applejack hogtied and stuffed in a closet somewhere. My Rarity is gagged and locked away in the trunk of a car, and the worst parts of my, ‘Rainbow Dash,’ are laughing and floating on a cloud.

Talk about a fractured and conflicted pony.

Applejack takes me past the sheep pen and to a more, ‘barnyard,’ area of the farm. Here is where they keep the pigs and chickens. This is something that I am sure a lot of little kids didn’t think about too much when watching the show. The raising of what are normally food animals by a species whose diet is nearly all herbivorous. I say, ‘nearly all,’ because like I’ve noted before that they eat eggs. So raising chickens makes sense. Plus, you can get feathers from chickens. Though plucking a chicken or any other bird usually involves killing said bird. However I am in a world with magic now. Plucking a bird of its feathers would most likely be just a simple matter of casting the right spell. Rather mortifying for the chicken, but I am sure ponies would have some use for the feathers. So chickens? I can understand that.

But to the adults watching the show, raising pigs raises a number of questions. The most bludgeoning of them being, ‘Why raise pigs when you aren’t going to eat them?’ They could be used for pets or to root out tubers and truffles, but it just doesn’t quite make any sense.

Approaching the barnyard, I hear the familiar sounds of chickens clucking and pigs squealing playfully in the mud. This all stops nearly the moment that I step foot into view of the other animals here. Fuck.

==============================================================

“As ya can see, this is where we house the chickens and pigs!” Applejack said proudly. She looked at Heartbreak, a small question forming on her lips.

“Yes, Applejack,” Heartbreak said, before she could even ask the question. “We do have pigs and chickens where I am from. We even have dogs, cats, birds, rats, squirrels and fetting ponies.”

Applejack blinked. “Ya do?”

Heartbreak stomped her hoof and rolled her eyes, looking like she had just said something that she didn’t mean to. “Yes, they just aren’t like the ponies here,” she said, putting her hooves over the fence of the pigpen.

“How’s that?” Applejack asked. Heartbreak looked distracted, worried and annoyed about something. While Applejack wanted to know what that something was, she had the feeling that she may never get a chance to get her to talk about the world she was from. “Ah feel awful about not asking what’s bothering her, but Twilight did tell us all to try to get her to tell us more about her world on the train ride back home...” And this was the most that Heartbreak had opened up.

“Huh? Uhm, where I’m from ponies don’t talk,” Heartbreak replied, rubbing a hoof against her head.

“Ponies don’t talk?” Applejack asked.

“No, ponies don’t talk.” Heartbreak replied, staring off towards the pigs.

“Care to expand on that thought?” Applejack asked.

Heartbreak glared at Applejack. She snorted and frowned. “No, I don’t care to do that, Applejack.”

Applejack backed away a bit. “No need ta take offence there, H.B. Ah was just-”

“I thought we weren’t on nickname terms until I earned your, ‘friendship,’” Heartbreak said, bitterly. “You’re sounding like Twilight when she is attempting to needle out information from me. She says that if she knows more about my world, she’ll be able to understand me better.” She turned away from Applejack and started to watch the three little pigs that were in their pen. Almost as if on cue, they stopped playing and nearly dove into a hay pile in the back of their pen.

“Alright, that there is a bit spooky,” Applejack said, scratching her head. “Ah don’t mean to pry there, Heartbreak, but Twi’ does have a point. After all-” Applejack stopped mid-sentence and stared at Heartbreak.

Heartbreak was staring at the pile of hay that the piglets were hiding in. The expression on her face was disturbing. Her eyes were dilated and her mouth was ajar, a small trickle of saliva dripped from her chin. A question formed in Applejack’s mind that frightened her, but it needed asking.

“Heartbreak?” Applejack started.

“Yes’m?” Heartbreak replied, distractedly.

“Why are ya drooling at ma pigs?” Applejack finally asked.

==============================================================

Crap. Just crap. My mind is going every which direction that I hadn’t even noticed or thought about this. I mean, I’m sure it passed through my mind once or twice but I was able to dodge the question last month with Spike. However, facing the pigs seems to have brought to surface a rather awkward desire that I really, really, really don’t want the ponies here to know about.

I really miss bacon.

I miss the taste of meat as it is - chicken, pork, beef - and right all in the span of one morning, I have faced all three of these animals. Mostly. I don’t think I want to go near the chickens now if I am drooling at the sight of pigs!
Quick! Think of something! Anything! “I was thinking about...garlic.” Yes! Garlic! That way if Applejack asks Twilight about this, she’ll be able to vouch for this little white lie!

“Garlic?” Applejack asks me.

“Yup, garlic. I love garlic.” I really hope she buys this act I’m putting on. I don’t want to explain anything about this.

Applejack sighs and her head droops. “All right, if ya say so, Heartbreak.” I made it under the fence on this one. I don’t think I will be able to use the garlic excuse if it happens again.

“Right. Ah think ah’m gonna have ya far away from the critters there, Heartbreak.” she starts walking away from this small barnyard area and towards the place where I was hoping we wouldn’t be going to. The apple orchard. Well fuck, if A.J. doesn’t trust me around the animals on her farm, there is practically only one thing left for me to do here.

Buck apples.

I sigh and roll my eyes. But the moment we walk into the orchard. I’m oddly comforted.

I might have lived in Minnesota for a good decade, and most likely would have lived there for the rest of my natural life. But there are things that remind me of the small suburb of Spokane, Washington known as Otis Orchards where I grew up. One of them being, well, not too surprisingly, apples and apple trees. The whole of Washington state passed the Cascades is farming territory. Plenty of rolling hills and good soil. There were a good number of apple orchards when I was really young. One time I remember when my school bus was going down Harvard street, the apples were nearing harvest and we schoolkids just opened our windows and snagged some of them from the closest trees to the road.
Then the churches bought the land and took down the trees. I was more than disappointed with that.

“Ah don’t need to go an’ tell ya what this here is,” Applejack said, interrupting what I would describe as a happy memory.

“We have apples where I am from, Applejack,” I reply, putting my left hoof on one of the trees. That’s when I notice something. Or more like the absence of something, the lack of something. A quiet. A deafening silence. I look around and do see that there are a few birds here and there in the trees, but there aren’t any songs being sung. I slump against a nearby tree. Well, that killed that warm feeling I was thinking about.

“All right, now ah know there’s something wrong here. Ya mind letting A.J. in on what’cha yer thinking?” She asks. There is no sense in hiding this one. I bet she has already figured it out. And if she hasn’t she’ll figure it out really quick.

“The animals hate me,” I reply.

==============================================================

Applejack didn’t quite know how to respond to that statement. “Dun’t ya think that’s a bit-”

“Applejack, Owlowiscious attacked me last night without any provocation, Winona was acting as if I was going to eat your face or something. The cows were looking at me funny, the sheep and pigs are near terrified of me and do you hear any birds singing in those trees?!” Heartbreak looked exasperated as she pointed up to the trees. The only sounds now were the flapping of wings as the birds flew away.

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Apple Orchard

Chapter 19

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Apple Orchard.

“Hey, now!” Applejack said. She needed to approach this situation delicately. She reached forward and put a hoof on Heartbreak’s shoulder. “How about we just calm down? Ah’m just saying that it seems a bit early ta be jumping ta conclusions about this.”

Heartbreak tried to shrug Applejack’s hoof off her shoulder. “I know, but the evidence is starting to gather and I’m quite sure that the animals know about me,” She replied sadly, as tears started welling in her eyes. She sniffed hard. “I’m not a real pony.” Her head drooped down, “I know it and they know it.”

Applejack frowned. This was getting to be too much. Yes, this pony wasn’t a, ‘real,’ pony even by her own admission. Yes, she had really gotten Twilight upset enough to have her just drop her off in her lap unannounced. And yes, it did seem that the critters around here were picking up that there was something off about her. But darn it! Nopony had the right to be that sad and not be comforted.

Applejack put an arm around Heartbreak and a small hug. “Look here, Sugarcube. Ah get that yer guna have a hard time of this and all, but here’s sumthin’ ah want ya ta remember.” Heartbreak made a small gleeping noise in the side hug that Applejack was giving her. “We’re gonna be there for ya. All of us. And if ya let us, we’ll help ya. Alright?”

Heartbreak looked away and sniffed hard. Her hoof reached up and touched Applejack’s. “Alright, but I-” She began.

Applejack’s ears flicked behind her and she caught the rustling of something in her trees. Something pretty big. Then she swore she heard a small voice. “H.B., Ah hate to leave ya like this in a rather tender place, but ah just remembered that ah forgot to check on sumthin’.”

“That’s alright.” Heartbreak coughed a little and pushed Applejack’s hoof off her shoulder. “I’ve had my fill of pony hugs today.” Just then her stomach growled at her.

“Ah see,” Applejack replied. “How about sum apples then?”

“Applejack-” She started to protest.

Applejack turned and applied her hooves to a tree behind her. Five or six apples came toppling out of it. “They’re on the farm.” Heartbreak looked like she was fighting off the urge to laugh. “What is it there, H.B.?”

A snort came out of her struggle and she finally spoke. “Isn’t it the student that is meant to give the teacher apples?”

Applejack blinked and chuckled. Somewhere there was a good pony, or a good whatever the hay Heartbreak was on the inside. “We’ll see about that later, ya just have a sit here and help yerself. Ah’ll be right back.”

Heartbreak lay down on the ground in the orchard and nodded. “Alright. I’ll be waiting.”

==============================================================

Lyra took out her binoculars and looked at Heartbreak again. The pony was really distraught and looked on the verge of tears. She sat in a tree that was near the entrance of the orchard part itself, but was far enough away that if her invisibility spell failed, she wouldn’t be spotted. At least she hoped she wouldn’t be spotted.

There would be no telling what Heartbreak would do if she was really a werepony. Did they have strange powers? A monstrous half-pony, half-human form? Could they use strange magics? She would have to consult the file that Tale Spinner had given her.

“However, there is one of the signs. Animals are afraid of her.” Thus far, a good number of the things that she had seen in the simmed report fit. She pulled the folder out of her saddle bags quietly. “Difficulty with hooves, sits oddly, speech impediments, strange body altercations that are difficult to explain, and a pensive reclusive nature. These are all good hints and clues to what she really is!” She put the folder back in her saddlebag and lifted her binoculars back up.
Heartbreak was sitting alone now, munching on some apples that were on the ground. She didn’t seem to like the fact that they were on the ground, but kept reluctantly eating them. She didn’t pick them up with her hoof like other ponies did. Instead she curled her hoof around them, brought them to her mouth and then took a bite. Despite the difficulty she seemed to very much enjoy the apples.

“Wait a second,” Lyra thought. “Where’s Applejack?” Just then, she felt a horrible jarring and the cracking noise of hooves hitting an apple tree. The apple tree that she was in! She attempted to grasp for a limb but found herself falling out of the tree. As the ground caught up with her, her invisibility spell failed and she found herself at the hooves of a rather unhappy looking Applejack.

“Well, well, well,” Applejack said, looking down at the seafoam unicorn. “Aren’t you a funny looking apple.”

“Ooh, hi Applejack!” Lyra squeaked out. “Fancy meeting you here!”

“Oh, fancy indeed, Miss Heartstrings. Seeing it’s ma orcharch and all?” Applejack asked.

“Uhm, yeah, fancy that,” Lyra said, in a small voice.

“Miss Heartstrings, what in tarnation are ya doing here?” Applejack asked.

“Well, I’m just, uhm bird watching!” Lyra replied, gasping for straws.

“Bird watching, right. Ya know the last time ah caught ya here on ma farm, ya were trailing ma sister an’ her friends. And the time before that ya were doing the same to Big Mac.” As Applejack got up in Lyra’s face, she started backing away from the orchard. “An’ now ah’m finding ya here with yar binoculars up in ma trees. Seems ta me that yer spying on a new pony. A pony that, according ta Twilight, ya had some problems with. Ya know how bad this looks here, Lyra?” Applejack asked.

"How did you even know I was here?" Lyra winched at the mention of her escapades. “Uhm, pretty bad?”

Applejack came face to face with Lyra. “Ya don't think ah don't know ma own orchard ta know when sumthin's lurking around in ma apple trees? And yes, this situation looks bad enough that if ah don’t see you leaving this here farm in the next minute, ah’m gonna have to call ya in for trespassing.”

Lyra looked terrified. “I-I just wanted to know more about her and see if I could try to be friends with her!”

“There are better ways of goin’ about that, Miss Heartstrings. And ah’m no good with math, but ah reckon that ya have less than thirty seconds to clear yarself off ma farm.” Applejack threatened.

“Alright! Alright! Eeesh!” Lyra stood up and turned to go.

“And if Ah catch ya back here, ‘bird-watching,’ ah’m not going to be so kind as ta give ya a warning!” Applejack said, growling.

Lyra backed away slowly but then turned and ran. She let out a long sigh. “Great, now how am I going to study my subject?”

==============================================================

I have to admit it. Equestria apples are the best apples I have ever tasted. Different apples taste differently and everyone has their preference. My favorites include golden delicious and those apples that have the veins of red streaking through their flesh. I am not an apple expert here. I just know what tastes good and what I like. I like soft apples rather than crunchy apples. Sweet apples rather than sour ones. Which is weird due to the fact that I like sour apple candies. Go figure, right?

I pull another apple to me using the pony-wrist-grasp-action and take another bite. Damn it, I might misbehave just so that I can have more apples!

“Ah’m back!” Applejack says, trotting up to me.

“That was quick,” I reply though a mouth full of apple.

“Enjoying yerself?” she asks me.

I chew some more and swallow. “As much as I can, it would be nice to have some,” damn it. Don’t go there, you don’t need to say it. Fuck, because you said something she’s going to ask about it.

“Some?” Applejack asks me.

“I was going to say ‘music’ but...” I grumble and pull another apple to me. Stupid birds.

“Say, ya said that ya could explain that, ‘from another world,’ thing here in the orchard earlier. Mind giving that a shot?”

She’s purposely changing the subject. I’m ok with this. I don’t want to think about...what I don’t want to think about! Right, not thinking about it! “I’ll try, I’ll try to use as few fancy terms as I can.”

“Hey, use as many of those fancy terms as ya want, ah’m sure that ah can keep up.” Applejack says proudly.

“Right,” I fight the urge to roll my eyes, “How about I just explain it like it is in my head. Alright?”

“Alright,” Applejack replies.

“Alright, see that apple that is just above your head?” I motion up.

She looks up and nods. “What about it?”

“Imagine if you will, that that apple is a whole world. Just one whole world to itself. And on the surface of that apple are little things living on it. We’re going to pretend that that apple right above you is Equestria. The whole of Equestria and the whole of the world that Equestria is a part of.” I explain.

“Ah’ll right, following ya so far,” Applejack replied, nodding a bit.

I think about how I am going to tell her this. “Now, that apple looks slightly different from all the other apples on the tree. Granted that they are all apples, but no two apples are the same right? Some are green, some are red, and some are yellow. Do you get what I am saying?”

Applejack blinks. “Yeah! So...let me see if ah get where yer going with this.” she lifts a hoof and points to our Equestria apple. “Equestria is like there apple, and yer world is like maybe the one next to it?”

“In a way, yes. Though it’s more like my world is in another tree, on the other side of the orchard and a whole other variety of apple altogether,” I explain.

“Huh, well when ya put it like that,” she blinks, “It makes a lot more sense.”

“I would expand on that idea of, ‘the universe is like an apple,’ but going any farther would make the comparison between the two a far stretch.” That actually went a lot better than I thought. I finish up the apple in front of me. “So what to next?” I ask.

“Next we see if ya can learn how ta buck apple trees.” That sentence would be the sweetest thing in the world. It would be, was it not for the fact that buck sounds too much like fuck.

Hoof to the Head

Chapter 20

Hoof to the Head.

Applejack mulled over what just had happened in her head. The two of them had gotten off to a rocky start and had ironed things out along the way. “At least fer now,” Applejack thought. As they walked up the hill to a few lone young apple trees, the birds would stop singing. “Gosh dern it, she’s right. The critters are terrified of her. Ah bet them nine are the ones responsible for this! But really, what’s so terrible about her? Did she have relations with the nine all at once? Did she cheat on them? Ah don’t see her to be the vindictive type! Then again, A.J., you’ve only met her one time before all this, so ya got barely anything ta go on. All ya know is that she got Twilight up in a gnarl. An’ ah’m not sure what that was all about either. Maybe ah can get her ta open more up once ah got her working and distracted.” Applejack rolled her eyes. “Knowing her, she’ll catch on pretty quick that ah’m tryin ta get ta know that part of her more than she’d like. Durn it. This is harder than it looks!”

Heartbreak turned around and dropped her flank down on the ground. “Good grief, I am out of shape.” She pressed her right hoof, the hoof with the hole in it against her lips and blew through it.

“Uhm, what’cha doing there, Heartbreak?” Applejack asked.

“Sitting,” she replied.

“Nah, I mean with yer hoof.” Applejack asked.

Heartbreak slumped and sighed. “Twilight tell you about, ‘Creativi-tea day?’” Heartbreak asked.

“Uuuhm, oh yeah! Ah don’t remember everything, but that’s when ya got all loopy off the tea she gave ya and ended up chasing some stallion across Ponyville!” she looked at Heartbreak. “Right?”

Heartbreak’s face twisted. “Gee, glad to know the part of all that that stuck out in your mind was me chasing after, ‘some stallion.’ A lot more happened that day too, ya know.”

“Weren’t there flying clocks and mention of weird hats?” Applejack replied, trying to remember what else Twilight had told her.

“Yes, talking clocks and head munching hats.” She lifted up her right hoof. “And then there was this.” Applejack make a face when she realized that the light was shining clear through.

“Is that-” Applejack pulled her own hoof back to herself in a slightly protective manner. The mere thought of doing that to yourself just was painful!

“Yes, it’s a hole in my hoof. Right now it’s being a bit achy. But, that’s to be expected.” Heartbreak shook her hoof a bit. “Alright, all better.”

“Why-” Applejack began.

“Would I do such a thing?” Heartbreak asked. She took a deep breath as if she was trying to catch her breath. “Because I wanted to draw again. And in the state that I was in, a hole in my hoof - along with a mechanical pencil - was the best way that I could think of doing that.”

“Ah bet yer feeling plumb sorry that ya did it now,” Applejack stated.

“Only because Twilight thinks that by doing a, ‘honest day’s work,’ that I will learn something about being honest,” Heartbreak replied.

“Hey now, there’s nothing wrong with doing an honest day’s work!” Applejack protested. “The sense of pride ya get knowing that ya accomplished sumthin’ using yer own four hooves-” Heartbreak groaned. Applejack frowned. “Ya got sumthin’ against hard work?”

==============================================================

I really wish Applejack would just drop this and we’d get on with whatever lesson it is that I am meant to be learning here. “No, Applejack. I don’t have anything against it. I’m just not a, ‘country pony,’ like yourself. I’ll do hard work. But if I don’t have to, if I have no reason to, then I don’t. Why work harder when you can work smarter?”

Applejack rolls her eyes as me. “Well now that yer here at the farm-”

“Applejack, just because I don’t like doing hard work, doesn’t mean that I won’t do hard work. It just means that I’m not going to be very happy about it. What’s more, I’m pretty sure that my talents don’t lie in the realm of physical aptitude.” Applejack looks like she is about to start talking. I stop her before she can begin. “But, like you are about to say, ‘Now that you’re here on the farm,’ I going to have to work hard.” I frown and stare at the ground. My second wind is finally kicking in and I think I’ll be able to do this.

Applejack stares at me. “Alright then, enough chatter little miss-know-it-all, let’s get to bucking apples.”

Damn it, I’m pissing off Applejack. I really don’t want to do that. Particularly with the moment that we just shared down the orchard. “Right, assuming the position.” I turn around with my backside facing the apple tree.

“Ah’ll right,” She pauses.

I haunch waiting for further instruction, only to get a bit of silence. Turning my head, I look at her expectantly. “Well?”

“Oh, ah’m sorry, see, ah figured that you being the know-it-all that yer are already knew the proper way ta buck apples.” Damn it, did I piss her off that much?

“Knowing and doing are two different things, Applejack. Plus there is the fact that I would rather you show-slash-tell me how to do this properly so that I don’t split my hoof wide open and then have to take a happy little trip to the E.R.,” I reply. I really hope I didn’t come off really snide.

“The, ‘E.R.?’” she asks me.

“Emergency Room,” I reply as neutral as I can. If there is one thing that I know that really pisses off Applejack, it’s other ponies acting like they are smarter than her. And I get the idea that I am treading a very fine line here. I look up at her and make eye contact. “Because I really don’t know what I am doing here, Applejack.” I bite my lower lip. It shouldn’t be this hard to utter the next part, but it is. I guess this is part of my, ‘Applejack,’ showing. “I could really use some pointers here...” I should have said, ‘I could use your help,’ but I don’t want to back track.

“Alright then.” She looks me over. “First off, normally we start buck’n with all four hooves, two hold’n ya up and two do the bucking. But ta do what yer ask’n, yer gona lift yer right hoof,” she paused and checked my hoof. “Eeeyup, yer right hoof, an’ then, putting all yer weight on yer left, coil up them there back legs of yers, and well...buck.”

I am conflicted about this. This shouldn’t be a difficult task. I mean, fuck, I bucked Twilight’s bookshelf this morning! Then again, I wasn’t thinking about cracking my hoof. Right, just swallow your pride and follow the instructions given to you. I attempt to hop up a little putting all my weight on my front left hoof, recoil my back legs and then unleash.

My reward is the rather satisfying sound of, ‘KRAWK!’ Alright! I kicked the tree! I bucked! I look at Applejack. “So, for the first, ‘buck,’ out of my first time bucking, how did I do?” I see a face that I am sure I don’t want to see. It’s her wide-eyed, scrunchy mouth, liar-Jack face. Did I fail that hard? I know I didn’t hear any apples fall but her standards can’t be that high right? “Applejack...”

She looks back at me and points up at the tree I was meant to be bucking. “Ya did a mighty fine buck for your first time, but..” I turn and look behind me. A surprised horse whinny escapes my mouth. There’s Big Mac knocked to the ground with a hoof indentation on his face. “Ya might to try a little more to yer left...”

=============================================================

Big Mac had just walked up the hill to see what Applejack was up to and if she needed help tackling the southwest hill. He found it odd that he hadn’t seen her all morning. What’s more, Winona was acting mighty peculiar. It wasn’t normal to see her by Applejack’s side most of the time when she was on the farm, and now she was looking up at a hill, her ears drooped and whimpering.

There was the silhouette of Applejack along with some other pony that he couldn’t make out from the farmhouse. “It can’t be Crab Apple,” Big Mac thought to himself. The pony was too big. “Who could it be? Ah know ah saw a saddle bag in the guest room this morning, but ah don’t know any pony with a marshmallow decal.”

As he approached the top of the hill he could hear Applejack having a conversation with what had to be a strange mare. He’d get his answers soon enough. “Why wouldn’t Applejack let me know if we were going ta have company other than craba-” Just then, Big Mac felt the sting of something solid and hard smacking against his face. Had he walked into a tree? He didn’t have any time to think about that as he fell to the ground and dizziness overtook him. There was a bit of conversation that he couldn’t make out, and then a rather loud shout.

“OH FET! FET! FET! FET! I just kicked Big Mac in the face!” Shouted the strange mare. Big Mac opened his eyes and looked at the two of them, dizzily. “Is he going to be alright?” She asked.

“Ah reckon that it’s guna take more than a buck from somepony like yerself to put him out ta pasture.” Applejack came close. “Big Mac, ya gona be alright?”

Big Mac tried to shake his head of the dizziness. “Would you six kindly stop the orchard from spinn’n? Ah’d like ta get off now..”

“Eeeyup, he’s gun’a be just fine,” Applejack said.

The world came back into focus for Big Mac. There stood a rather upset and worried looking mare with sparkly blue eyes and a messy brown mane. “Are you sure he’s going to be alright?”

“Sure as sugar.” Applejack went to her brother. “Big Mac, this here’s Heartbreak. She’s going to be assisting us with the apple harvest.”

Heartbreak glared at Applejack. “H.B., please.” she requested, backing away from Big Mac.

==============================================================

Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck. I just kicked Big Mac in the head. There are a lot of awkward horrible things wrong with this situation. One, I kicked Big Mac in the head. Two, Applejack introduced me wrong. At least I think she did it wrong. And finally, Applejack said that I bucked Big Mac. I am going to have to ask her never to utter those words ever again. Then again, maybe I shouldn’t make a big deal about it. If I make a big fuss about it, then she’s going to ask questions. And I don’t want her asking questions. Though there is one thing that is puzzling me. Next to, ‘Ponyville Confidential,’ this is the most that I have ever seen Big Mag speak.

He bows his head at me. “A pleasure ta meet you, Miss Heartbreak.”

Damn it. Two things at once that I hate. Gender specific pronouns and my name. “Please, just call me, ‘H.B.,’” I reply back. “Are you sure you’re ok?”

“Eeeyu-” He wobbles a bit and almost falls over before catching himself.

“Fet!” I jump forward in a clumsy attempt to catch him. I look over his face to make sure that he isn’t bleeding. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

Applejack pushes me aside to assess the situation. “He’s quite alright there, Heartbreak.” She looks at his face. “Yup, no bleeding, no deep brusin.” She looks at me with a rather odd expression that I can’t place. “Eeeyup, ponies from these here parts are a lot tougher than ya think.”

I don’t know that expression, but I know that I don’t like it.

Are We But Ponies?

Chapter 21

Are We But Ponies?

Something about the way that Heartbreak was almost fawning over Big Mac worried Applejack. It seemed that she cared a little too much about whether she had hurt him or not.

“I just don’t want to rush him off to a doctor, Applejack,” Heartbreak responded. “He’s rather...big. Uhm, in size! Height! Weight.” she frowned. “What I mean that I wouldn’t want to carry him to wherever the Ponyville hospital is.”

Applejack blinked. “There’s no need ta raise a fuss over it. If Big Mac here was in need of a doctor, we could either get one over here or ya could stay with him while ah ran for help.”

Heartbreak blinked and looked a bit wary. “Why would I have to be the one that stayed with-” she almost right away facehoofed. “Right, because you are faster, stronger and better knowledged of the area.”

Applejack frowned. She wasn’t sure if that was Heartbreak’s way of complimenting her, insulting her, or just stating the facts. With the way she talked, almost everything sounded askew, slightly sarcastic or snide. “Now, don’t be putting words in ma mouth there, Heartbreak.”

She frowned at Applejack and sighed. She looked as if she was about to say something, but then her face scrunched up as if she was about to say something she would regret. “I didn’t mean to make it sound like I was putting words into your mouth, Applejack. I was just thinking out loud.” She kicked some dirt. “Can we please just go back to apple buck practice?”

Applejack looked at the two of them. There seemed to be an awkward tension coming from Heartbreak that she just didn’t like. Was there something going on here? She was after all named, ‘Heartbreak.’ “That sounds like a good idea.” she looked at Big Mac. “Was there anythin’ else yer were needing there?”

Big Mac blinked. “Nope.”

“Right then, Ah suspect that ah’m guna be up here fer a while with Heartbreak teach’n her the ins and outs of buckin’. Ya gona be alright on the north side?” She asked.

“Eeeyup,” Big Mac replied.

“Alright then, Ah’ll see ya at noon fer lunch,” Applejack replied. Big Mac nodded and walked away. Applejack’s attention turned back to Heartbreak. There was a rather strange expression on her face. As if she had just caught the whiff of a skunk on the air. “What?”

==============================================================

I did not just hear those words come out of Applejack’s mouth. “The ins and outs of bucking? Seriously!? Ugh! I swear, if she only knew how horrible that sounded. Well at least I can confirm that I don’t like stallions. Ha! Take that subconscious! I didn’t feel anything like I felt in that dream. Or anything in the slightest. I think. I hope. What the fuck was that dream all about anyway?!” Applejack looks at me with a displeased expression.

“What?” She finally asks.

“What do you mean, ‘what?’” I reply.

“You were looking at me funny like yer were grossed out or sum’thin’,” she replies.

I frown. Now another fraction of myself is showing. The Mi side. The side that is wearing his heart on her sleeve. That thought sounds jumbled even in my head. I need to think of something quick. “I just caught a whiff of myself. I did kinda build up a sweat walking up the hill.”

“Dang, a walk up a hill tuckered ya out? That there world yer from must make for some soft, ‘apples,’” Applejack says, looking at me with a raised eyebrow. “If ya know what ah mean. But don’t ya worry none. We’ll whip ya back inta shape faster than you can say, ‘sta’awa’fruma’brothar.’” She smacks me on the shoulder.

“Wait, what?” I ask.

“Nothin’, let’s get ta cracking at that tree and see if ya can’t buck some apples off it this time.” She looks at me with a rather large smile. I’m not sure what she said in that last sentence, but I have a bad feeling about it.

==============================================================

Applejack watched Heartbreak as she attempted to buck the apples off the tree. “Yer form is getting better, but ya got ta put more weight into yer kicks.” Heartbreak had only kicked the tree a good solid ten times and already she was working up a sweat. “Ah’m guessing they have fancy machines ta do all their apple harvesting were yer from.”

Heartbreak’s left eye twitched. “Actually,” she let out a kick. “Most of the, UGHF!, harvesting of apples is, UGH!, done...” while trying to catch her breath she paused. “Without the use of machines.”

Applejack blinked. “So ya buck yer apples the same as we do?”

She shook her head. “No, the apples are...uhm” she glared at the tree and kicked it again. She rolled her right hoof as if she was trying to think of a word. “Picked. Picked by workers.”

“Huh, who would’a thunk?” Applejack asked.

“Seriously, Applejack,” Heartbreak looked at Applejack while breathing heavily. “Our worlds aren’t that different.” She kicked the tree again. “The beings there live their lives much the same as you do. -Ughf!- They eat, sleep and do practically everything that you do.” She frowned. “They have lives, -UGH!- the only thing they lack is magic, -uuugh!- and hooves.”

“Ah see,” Applejack replied. “Alright, now we’re getting somewhere. Got her ta open up just a little about where she’s from. Even if it isn’t that much. It’s still somethin’.”

“They even get tired and thirsty like you do,” Heartbreak’s butt slammed down on the ground and she looked exasperated.

“Is that a hint at somethin’?” Applejack asked.

“Yes. I’m tired and thirsty. Can we take a break?” Heartbreak asked. “And maybe get something to drink?”

“Sure thing, Sugarcube,” Applejack replied. “Yer gona have to come this way if yer wanting some water’n.”

Heartbreak rolled her eyes. “Alright...” she moaned, following Applejack through some of the trees at the top of the hill. “What could be at the top of-” Behind the trees was a small watering trough. Heartbreak glared at Applejack. “You have to be kidding me.”

Applejack looked confused. “What? Don’t they have these where yer from?”

Heartbreak frowned. “Yes. Yes they do, but..”

“But what? Yer thirsty right?” Applejack asked.

“Yes,” Heartbreak replied.

“This is water, in’it?” Applejack asked.

Heartbreak’s eyes rolled again. “Yes, but why can’t we go back to the house and get something to drink there?”

“Cause there’s water here,” Applejack replied.

Heartbreak looked at it with caution. “Is it even clean?”

“Oh for lands sake.” She put a hoof to her face. “Yer one of them fancy city ponies, ain’t ya? Yes it’s clean! The pegasi filled this one here just this morning! Ya can’t get any cleaner than that!”

“For your information, no, I’m not from a city...I’ve lived more out in the suburbs than anything.” She continued to eye it. “It’s just when it comes to the safety of water...”

“Let me guess, they have fancy machines that take care of the water where yer from?” Applejack half expected her to protest that they didn’t.

“Actually, yes. Yes they do! Water is one of those things, next to food, that we don’t play around with. Too many things can live in water,” Heartbreak replied. The look on her face was much like that of when somepony expected Rarity to do anything that was ‘uncivilized.’ Which could be anything.

Applejack rolled her eyes. “Ya can lead a pony ta water, but ya can’t make her drink,” she muttered.

“What?” Heartbreak asked.

“Nothing. Look, the water is safe ta drink. Ah can’t make ya drink it, if ah don’t have ta. But if ya don’t drink, then yer gona get dehydrated. An’ ah might not be the best teacher in the world, but like hay am ah gona take ya to the hospital cause yer were too stubborn ta have a drink of water. Now drink up!” Applejack said as calmly as she could.

“Darn you and your logic.” Heartbreak swallowed hard and then lowered her face. Her lips touched the water and soon she was drinking. There was a small moment of satisfaction that rolled through Applejack. She had gotten her, ‘student’ to do something. Heartbreak gasped for air after she was finished and she rubbed her eyes. She sniffed hard and shook her head. Applejack blinked. “Are ya ok there, Sugarcube?”

“I’m fine, Applejack. A bit of sweat just got into my eyes is all,” she replied, her voice cracking a bit. “Can we get back to bucking?”

Applejack quirked an eye. “Alright, if ya think ya can keep doin’ it.”

==============================================================

“Fucking hell, that was borderline humiliating. Just about as bad as the time when I licked that bit of honey off of the floor!” Seriously, water out of a trough?! I feel low. Particularly when I have seen the ponies of this show drink from glass bottles. Practicality wise, this makes sense. The pegasi help water everything, and the earth ponies help grow everything. If a trough is out that collects rainwater, then ponies can drink from it. But it also gives a chance for other things to drink from it! Rats, birds, other animals!

I am feeling a bit pissed at myself for why I am really upset that I had to drink out of a trough: Humans don’t drink from troughs, other animals do.

“Troughs are for cattle, sheep, pigs and,” I frown at myself. “And horses. Fuck, I am a horrible person. I can’t understand why I can’t get over that. Wait, yes I can, because it is so ingrained into humans that from birth, that -we- are the best above all other species. Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck. This is what being a bigot must feel like. Just swallow your pride, H.B., you’re an equine whether you like it or not.” I roll my eyes. Fuck you brain. Just because I’m on all fours doesn’t mean I have to act like it. If you had a little forethought to all this, you would have brought bottled drinks and straws. Right. Next time, in order to avoid feelings of shame, you’re going to bring bottled drinks, and straws.

“I am sure that I can keep doing it, Applejack.” I roll my eyes. “It’s just hard and this is my first day.” “And hopefully my last. I don’t want to do this all week.” I reposition myself next to the tree. “At least it isn’t boring.”

“What’cha mean by that?” Applejack asks me.

“Some jobs get boring.” I reply, kicking the tree. “Like my last job.”

“What was yer last job?” Applejack asks me. I give her a look. “Hey, just making polite conversation is all.”

“Cutting plastic,” I reply.

“Plastic?” Applejack asks me.

“Don’t tell me you don’t have plastic here...” I roll my eyes. “It’s like what balloons are made of, but it can be molded into any shape. Seriously, I don’t want to explain this stuff to you, Applejack.”

“Hey now! Ya think Ah can’t understand yer fancy machine talk?” She asks me.

“No, it’s because I barely understand how plastic works. Just that it does. Plastic is like the all purpose material. It can be hard.” I start kicking the tree. “It can be soft, -UGH!- It can be flexible, it can be stiff, it can be used to make bags, it can-”

“Ah know what plastic is Heartbreak, ah just don’t know what yer talkin about when ya said that yer cutting it!” Applejack says, almost shouting at me.

“Meaning that it is blown into a bubble, pulled up high, flattened into a sheet and then rolled into, well, -UGH!- rolls.” I explain. “When it got to me, I used a razor blade to cut it.” I kick the tree again. The apples wobble and a small one falls off.

“Ah see,” She nods at me. “And how long had ya been doing this?”

“Oh...” How long had it been? “Two to three years. What was worse was the fact that it was twelve hour rotating night shifts.”

“Land sakes! Ya got breaks, ah hope,” Applejack exclaims. “Wait, if that sounds so hard, then why ya havin such a time now?”

“It didn’t require a great deal of effort on my part,” I reply, giving another kick. Holy crap. Why is this conversation so...calm? “Just cutting, standing around and being quick.” I roll my eyes. “Plus, new body that I am not used to.”

“Ah see.” She looks around. “Ah must say, this certainly has been the quietest apple buckin. Normally there would have been at least one or two critters comin around, some birds or the like. Guess yer were right about them.”

I glower and kick the tree harder. “Yeah, I was right about something, go figure.”

“Hey, I’m sure that ya’ve been right about a lot of things,” Applejack says in a sympathetic voice. “And everypony has made her fair share of mistakes in their lives.”

Gettin' Sympathy from a Styre

Chapter 22

Gettin’ Sympathy from a Styre.

Heartbreak kicked the apple tree pretty hard. “Eeeyup,” she replied, almost imitating Big Mac to the letter.

Applejack put on her poker face. “Ya have to approach this slowly, ya got her opening up about her last job, and by all definitions, that didn’t lead anywhere horrible. She seemed pretty calm about it. Maybe ‘cause it isn’t a sore subject, just kinda float the conversation over an see if we can get her ta open up a bit more. But dern it! Ah need ta know if she really has any interest in Big Mac! Ah can’t have a pony like her trailing him! That’d be like her just starting her problems she had there here all over again!” “Ah maself have made plenty of mistakes. Why just last month ah sent a crate of red gala’s when the folks wanted golden delicious!”

“You don’t say,” Heartbreak replied, focusing her attention on the task even more.

“Yeah, course ya just have ta pick yerself up and keep moving on!” Applejack gave a rather wide grin to Heartbreak. Heartbreak only returned with a low glower.

“You mean, ‘keep on buckin’?’” She asked, turning her head to face the tree.

“Uhm, huh, never heard that expression before, but, yeah!” She chuckled. “Hope ya don’t mind, but ah’m guna use that. Maybe get somepony ta make me a plaque with that on it.”

Heartbreak looked a little less tense and relaxed a bit. “A wood carving with you bucking an apple tree or something like that?” she asked.

“Yeah, sum’thin like that,” Applejack replied, looking thoughtful. “Ya know, yer not as bad as Twi’ was making ya out ta be.”

“Gee, thanks,” Heartbreak said, kicking the tree.

“Well, ah just mean that yer not...totally crass,” Applejack said, trying to rework her words.

Heartbreak wasn’t buying it. “Sure,” She replied frowning. “Is this ‘polite conversation’ or are you going somewhere with all this?”

“It’s just, seein’ that yer a bit nicer than what ya seemed when ah first met ya-” Applejack started.

“Ah, wonderful memories. Wonderful binding, rope-filled memories,” Heartbreak interrupted, her tone turning a bit on the sarcastic side.

“Uhm heh, yeah. Like ah was saying, seeing this different side of ya,” Applejack scratched her head, “Ah can’t help but wonder what ya did that was so bad that got ya sent here.”

“I drove Twilight batty, told her that she wasn’t doing science properly and woke Spike up. Then I-” Heartbreak began.

“No...Ah mean, what done got ya ta Equestria,” Applejack said. Heartbreak’s eyes shot forward while she breathed heavily. Applejack swore that there was a strange glint in the mare’s eyes.

“I asked you not to talk about that,” Heartbreak replied, turning her head again.

“Ah’m just tryin ta understand ya, H.B.,” Applejack replied. “And ta do that, ah’m afraid that ah might have ta be a bit more forward with ya.”

Heartbreak let out a harder kick against the tree and three apples plopped to the ground. There was a slight satisfied grin that flickered across her face upon hearing them thud to the ground. “What’s to figure out? I did something bad, and then something bad happened back.”

“That don’t explain what’cha did ta them that was so bad,” Applejack replied, shaking her head. “Ah mean, did ya cheat on them?”

Heartbreak refused to look at Applejack. Instead, another mighty kick ushered the falling of a few more apples. “No.”

“Did ya leave some of them fer som’thin’ else?” Applejack asked.

“No.” Heartbreak kicked the tree again. “Didn’t I ask that we not talk about this?”

“Well yes, but there’s just som’thin’ naggin’ in the back of ma mind, an ah think that we should get it out in the open! Otherwise it’s just guna fester.” Applejack explained.

Heartbreak kicked the tree even harder. “And I said, ‘No.’ And according to Fluttershy, no means,” Her back hoof landed solidly on the tree cracking some of the bark, “No!”

“Hey now! No hurtin’ ma trees!” Applejack shouted. She took a deep breath. “Look, ah’m just tryin’ ta help ya! If ya were more honest with us, then we six wouldn’t be left ta speculate about what yer world is like and what’cha got sent here for!”

“And I said that I don’t want to talk about it!” Heartbreak’s face twitched.

Applejack snorted. “Look here, Little-Miss-Heartbreak! Ah’m yer teacher and yer ma student! Ah’m trying ta teach ya something about honesty! An’ sometimes bein’ honest about things hurts! But once ya get the truth out, ya’ll feel a lot better!”

Heartbreak’s eye twitched while she bit her lower lip. She looked like she was about to buck the tree again when Applejack stopped her. Heartbreak frowned and sat down before rubbing her temples. “Twilight tried that very same line with me, Applejack. You’re the teacher, I am but the lowly student.”

“Ah didn’t say-” Applejack began.

“Let me finish.” She crossed her hooves. “It didn’t get her very far. You might be the teacher and I am here to learn, but that doesn’t mean you can push me into a place that I am not ready to go. Even if you feel like it will, ‘teach me about honesty.’”

“Hey now, honesty happens to be ma element. Though ah’m sure ya know about that already,” Applejack countered.

“When you’re right, you’re right. I do know that honesty is your element, Applejack. You’re, ‘Honest Applejack,’” Heartbreak replied. Applejack couldn’t help but feel a small bit of pride from that statement. “Except when you’re not.”

“Bah?” Applejack said in a bit of confusion.

“Oh come on, ‘Little-Miss-Honesty,’” Heartbreak said in a condescending tone. “Has there ever been a time in your life that you haven’t been honest?”

Applejack frowned. “Oh, Ah know what this is about,”

Heartbreak smirked. “Oh, you do?” She asked innocently.

“Ya! Yer gonna bring up what happened with Discord, ain’t ya?!” Applejack started. “Well look here, little Miss. We didn’t have any control over that there. He screwed with our minds and turned everything upside down!” Applejack smiled with a bit of satisfaction. “That oughta put her in her place!”

“That’s too easy of a target, A.J.,” Heartbreak replied, looking up. “Tell me,” she put a hoof to her mouth in thought. “Did you tell Miss Cherry Jubilee that you were going back to Ponyville, or did you leave a, ‘dear everyp-p-pony,’ letter like you did for your family?”

Applejack flinched. She didn’t expect that. “H-how?”

“I am not explaining how I know, Applejack. That isn’t important. What’s important is that even after your friends came to find you, you couldn’t bring yourself to being honest with them,” Heartbreak replied, her face twitching slightly.

Applejack backed away. “That’s not true-”

“Like h-h-hay it isn’t. You felt the need to run from them, rather than fess up to what happened.” Heartbreak looked at her dead in the eye. There was an almost surreal look in the mare’s eyes. “Even to the point of nearly breaking a Pinkie Promise.”

Applejack’s composure broke, she hadn’t thought about that day in years. How she had been practicing, working hard, and trying to get everything right, only to fail. She felt that she couldn’t go back to Ponyville until she had the money she had promised them. Hadn’t she learned her lesson? Not to run away from your problems, but to run to your friends and family?

There was a dark look on Heartbreak’s face. A look that almost said ‘Your move, Applejack.’ “Alright, ah get that ya know pretty much everythin’ about us.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “An’ that ya could easily bring up any moment where we were at our weakest.” Applejack walked to Heartbreak. “And it could be almost like a game ta ya-”

“Ap-” Heartbreak backed away, her expression breaking a bit.

“Hey now, ah let you talk, and now it’s ma turn,” Applejack said. “What ya said there has truth ta it. What’cha leaving out is what happened at the end, where despite ma running away, despite the way ah treated ma friends,” Applejack had backed Heartbreak against the tree that she had just been bucking, “They came back for me. An’ if yer not gonna be honest with us, then ah’ll be honest with you.

Ya might say that Twi’ sent ya here ‘cause ya done an upset her, but ya been upsettin’ her for the whole of the month!”

Heartbreak rolled her eyes. “Right, you try staying under house arrest for an entire month and see how you like it!”

“Ya wouldn’t been stuck in there fer so long if ya hadn’t been draggin’ yer hooves on the ground!” Applejack replied. “Accourdin’ ta Twi, ya went through every single paper there and handled it like it was gonna explode or som’thin!”

Heartbreak frowned as she looked at Applejack. “I see you girls like to talk amongst yourselves, most likely at the spa?”

“As a matter of fact, yes!” Applejack replied. “We do talk! And it was at the spa! Ya could have come if ya actually worked harder or at the very least let somepony help ya!”

“I let Spike help me for a while!” Heartbreak said defensively.

“Ya could have let Twi’ help you and gotten the whole mess done a lot quicker!” Applejack shouted back.

“Knowing Twilight, she would have wanted to inspect every single paper and organize them! I didn’t need her nitpicking quirks getting in the way of something that I didn’t want her to see!” Heartbreak explained. “She has an addiction for organizing and making lists you know!”

“Sure! Cause all them fancy drawings of yers must have been too much fer our little pony minds ta handle!” Applejack replied, waving hooves around. “And yer one ta talk about quirks an’ addictions! Way ah understand it, when Twi’ gave ya some of that there fancy magic tea, yer whole personality changed! Yer were more open, more active and apparently wanted more!”

Heartbreak stomped her left hoof. “That’s because I was being drugged, Applejack! Doesn’t it bother you in the slightest that one of your friends felt the need to drug another p-p-pony in order to get them to, ‘behave?’”

Applejack snorted and glared at Heartbreak. “What bothers more is that one of ma friends was pushed ta the point where she felt the need ta do so! And the way ah heard it, she was trying ta just get ya a cup of tea!”

“Yes! And she could have just gotten me a cup of tea from Zecora without the magical element to it!” Heartbreak replied.

“‘Course then ya went and had to make it stronger than it should have been!” Applejack countered. “Is that sum’thin ya did back where yer from? Cause ah get the feelin’ that the whole lot of ya back there are addicted to a whole mess of things!”

“As a matter of fact, I do like my tea strong! But that’s beside the point!” Heartbreak was now rubbing her temples and frowning.

“There are a lot of points here. One of them bein’ that back where yer from, they don’t know how ta take things in moderation!” Applejack was now pacing a bit. “We might have what ya would call, ‘drugs,’ but we pony folk know how to moderate ourselves so that we don’t get into what ya would call addictive behaviors!”

Heartbreak frowned and crossed her hooves. “There are different forms of, ‘addictive behaviors,’ there, Applejack. Does, ‘workaholic,’ ring any bells?”

Applejack looked confused. “What the hay are you talking about?”

“Oh come on Applejack, there was one time that you decided in your head that you would buck the entirety of Sweet Apple Acres by yourself!” Heartbreak stated.

“Ya, but ah-” Applejack started.

“But you eventually asked for help! You eventually realized you couldn’t do it on your own, but that sort of behavior right there is a form of addiction!” Heartbreak threw up her hooves. “And it doesn’t stop at Twilight’s need for precision or your constant stubborn working! Rarity -has- to be fashionable! Rainbow Dash is always seeking the next adrenaline rush! Pinkie Pie is always either eating sweets or needs to fetting party!”

Applejack looked at the exasperated pony. She did have points in all of these things, but these things were almost at the core of what made her friends her friends. She quirked and realized something. There was a name missing. “And what about Fluttershy?”

Heartbreak looked confused for a moment. “What about Fluttershy?”

“What’s her little addition, little-miss-know-it-all?” Applejack asked.

Suddenly Heartbreak started looking uncomfortable. “Well...uhm, uhm, well,” she flustered rubbing her hoof against her ankle.

“Out wit’it! If yer gonna berate ma friends for what makes them them, ya better include all of them!” Applejack demanded.

“I-I, it’s just, well,” Heartbreak’s voice started dropping to a whisper. Applejack glowered over her. Heartbreak cringed. “Her obsessive need to mother every living thing?”

Applejack frowned. “Ya know you aren’t one ta talk,” She said in an authoritative voice. “Ya got plenty of little quirks and obsessive behaviors according ta Twilight. An’ it’s really funny that ya point out Twi’ need for perfection, seeing that when yer drawin’ ya can’t go nearly a few seconds without erasing and redrawing the same dern line over fifteen times!”

“I’m trying to get back to drawing at the same level I used to be able to, Applejack! That takes practice! And I did not go over it fifteen times!” Heartbreak protested.

“According ta Twilight ya did! She was hearing this clickin’ noise that was gettin’ under her hooves, and she goes ta find out what it was, only ta find that it’s ya with yer fancy pencil, drawing and redrawing a stick figure! Ah don’t see why ya don’t just draw like everyother pony does! It would be a lot easier fer ya ta practice like that!” Applejack could see that Heartbreak was starting to retreat.

“It’s j-just that that’s the way I need to draw, Applejack!” Heartbreak said, fighting to regain composure.

“Sure it is! Ah think it’s sum’else that ya don’t want ta tell us about. Sum’thin’ that ya think we can’t handle! An’ ah’ll tell you what, we ponies can handle a lot more than ya think we can!” Applejack stated.

“Oh yes, just like you handled asking for help,” Heartbreak started rolling her eyes. “Or handled playing fair with Rainbow Dash, or handled Dis-”

Applejack snorted and stomped her hooves before getting eye to eye with Heartbreak. “Now look here, Little-Miss-Heartbreak, ya might want ta take a long hard think about the next words that are gonna come out of that mouth of yers. Cause, ah get it, ya know our weakest moments. Ya know how we handled them. An’ yer holding no bones about bringing them up. But that knife cuts both ways.”

Heartbreak steeled herself. “Right, you don’t-”

“Ah don’t know ya? Ah reckon that I don’t know ya all too well. What yer missing is that, those moments? Those moments show us what kinda ponies we really are. And yer right, ah don’t know ya, or what kinda pony ya really are. But you’ve had yer weak moments. Ah could bring them Nine, ah could bring up when yer were chasing some pony around Ponyville while on magic tea. But ah wasn’t there fer those moments, and those moments really didn’t tell me anything about ya. But there was one moment ah did see ya at yer weakest. That was back on the train ta Canterlot when ya realized that back where yer from? Nopony remembers you.”

Heartbreak’s composure completely shattered. She swallowed hard and started to stutter. “A-ap-ap,appleja-ack I j-just didn’t want t-to talk about it.” She hugged herself. Applejack wondered momentarily if that was just for show or if she really was that emotional. “I-I mean I d-d-didn’t,” her head drooped down. “I’m-I’m s-can’t I apologize?” She tried pushing words out but they weren’t coming.

“Yer waiting now ta apologize?” Applejack replied, frowning. “Ya can say that yer sorry, but fact the matter remains that ya said what ya said. See, ya might be plenty book smarts and some fancy tools fer drawing, but ah remember looking through the window of the door on the train to see how Twilight was handling things. And ya know what saw? Ah saw her tryin’ ta comfort a devastated little filly who just wanted her mum, only ta realize that her mum wouldn’t even recognize her even if she saw her.” Heartbreak didn’t say anything, but instead hung her head. She looked like she wanted to say something, but instead bit her lip and rubbed her face. “An ya know who came to help that devastated filly when she was about ta get her brains scrambled by the Princesses?”

“You all did,” Heartbreak replied in a voice that was barely a whisper.

“That’s right. Ah said we’d be there fer ya if ya needed our help. But ya gunna have ta want our help.” Applejack was feeling a bit of turmoil over this one pony. In but a span of ten minutes, she had pushed her through worried, to angry, to downright seething. How the hay did Twilight deal with this pony for an entire month!?

“U-understood,” Heartbreak finally replied.

Applejack looked like she was about to say something more when a deep voice bellowed out her name. “A.J.!”

Big Mac was standing just at the halfway point up the hill. “What the hay is it, Big Mac?! Can’t ya see that ah’m in the middle of som’thin’?!” Applejack hollered.

“Did ya forget about taking Granny ta the hospital today?!” He shouted back.

“Hospital?” Applejack asked.

“Fer her hip!” Big Mac replied.

“That’s taday?!” Applejack shouted back.

“Eeeyup!” Big Mac replied.

“Ah, Horsefeathers!” Applejack said, panicked. She looked at Heartbreak. “Right, we’re not done here. As ya can tell, ah’ve got things ta do. Yer gonna be up thinking about what’s been said and bucking these here trees.” Applejack ran to meet her brother. “Big Mac, can ya watch her ta make sure that she does her job? Ah want at least one of those baskets filled when ah get back.”

Big Mac looked at Heartbreak and then Applejack questioningly. “Eeeyup.”

"Thanks!" Applejack raced to the farm house, not even realizing that she had just left the two of them alone.

Meanwhile: Back at the Library

Chapter 23

Meanwhile: Back at the Library.

Twilight had done some wandering around Ponyville before she headed back to the library. She needed a good long walk to clear her mind. Despite how it began, it was a brand new day and the sun was starting to get high. As she walked down the street, Cloudkicker and Skyberry waved and smiled at her. She smiled and waved back at the pegasi. The feeling she had was almost euphoric. As she finally headed back to the library, many of the ponies had already come out of their homes and were starting on their daily tasks. From watering the grass to selling their goods. It was nice to know that there was life outside of the library.

“At least Heartbreak will know that now.” She shook her head. “She could have known that had she let us help her clean that mess up. True, once or twice I locked the door, but that was early on when I was still really worried. Oh well, this will give me some time to actually catch up on things and make some lists about what I can do.” Twilight rolled her eyes. “Though she was right about talking to Spike. Maybe he has some ideas on how we can get her to open up more,” She thought as she opened the library door.

Twilight peeked around her library. There was a little thrill that went through her knowing that it was just Spike and their pets that currently inhabiting the library, even if that was just for a day. “Maybe a week.” She thought passing a mirror. She paused at its reflection. She was a terrible mess. Her mane and tail were still frazzled from earlier this morning.
“Ugh, she really got to me that time,” Twilight thought as she got a brush. “I hope it doesn’t make me a bad pony for being glad that she’s currently somepony else’s problem. But really,” She ran it through her mane, “That pony does know how to push another pony’s buttons!” She struggled a bit as she came across a tangle. A painful twinge sparked across her face as she tugged it out. “There. Much better.” She looked over the brush. “Ugh.” There, nestled in the purple hairs was a brown hair. “Wait, this was the brush that I used on her.” Twilight said out loud.

She looked around where Heartbreak would normally be sitting and drawing. Small reminders of the, ‘foreign exchange student from a distant part of Equestria,” lay here and there. A few loose drawings, eraser crumbs and a plate that had been left to sit out overnight. Twilight rolled her eyes as she picked the plate up and tidied up the mess her, ‘student,’ had left for her.

Walking into the kitchen, she put the plate into the sink and the crumbs into the wastebasket. “Those things might be small, but geez, with the way she was going through them?” The rest of the morning had been so...quiet, so peaceful. “A break from Heartbreak was just what I needed. You know, I almost feel like singing.” Twilight started to hum a few bars when something moved out of the corner of her eye. She turned and jumped. A really tired looking Spike was sitting at the table drinking a cup of hot coco. “Gah! Spike!”

Spike rolled his eyes and drank from his cup. After a slurp, he looked at Twilight with a groggy expression. He looked at the clock. “Good afternoon. You certainly sound chipper.” He said frowning.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Twilight replied. “It’s a brand new day, the sun is shining, the birds are singing-”

“And you’re shirking your responsibilities off on another pony,” Spike said, taking a long drink off his coco.

“Yes and I am - Hey!” Twilight exclaimed after she realized what Spike had just said.

“What? I’m just calling it as I see it,” Spike replied.

Twilight’s happy mood was dampened by that. “You know, she woke you up with her racket this morning, Spike.”

“It takes two to tango, Twilight.” Spike took another long drink of his coco. “If she was here right now, I would be plenty upset with her as well. The way I see it, both of you were getting under each others’ skin. A break is just what you both needed.”

“Then why are you being, ‘Mr. Gruff the Magic Dragon?’” Twilight asked. “She’s now with Applejack and we are getting a break from one another.”

“Do I really have to point out all the things that went wrong with what happened this morning? I mean, I was only awake for three quarters of it, but still,” Spike replied.

“She was really that loud?” Twilight asked, her ears drooping.

“Both of you were!” Spike said. “I think I over heard something about machines and the basement?”

Twilight frowned. “You heard that?”

“Twilight, we’re lucky that this isn’t an apartment. Otherwise, the neighbors might have heard it.” Spike replied. “Look, I’m not saying that your show of concern was lacking,” Spike paused and finished his coco.

“But?” Twilight inquired, prodding him to finish his sentence.

“But you did say that you wouldn’t probe any further if she said, ‘No.’” Spike looked at the bottom his cup and sighed. “And she said, ‘No,’ didn’t she?”

Twilight sighed. “Yes..”

“So, I don’t have to tell you how things went wrong here. Granted, she could have reacted a little less violent. I would have suggested that you two take a break from each other sooner, but she was just so gun-ho about getting her mess cleaned up,” Spike said, yawing.

“Which would have took less time if she had let me help her clean up,” Twilight replied, sitting down at the table next to Spike.

“Could you fight the urge to peek at the drawings?” Spike asked.

Twilight rubbed her arm and looked away ashamed. “Well...”

Spike smiled at her. “I wouldn’t have expected anything less than a, ‘No,’ from you, Twilight. It’s part of who you are. You want to know things. I’m just saying that if this morning is any indication, some pretty big changes in your plans about what to do with H.B. are going to have to change.” He blinked and looked at Twilight. “You have made plans about this, right?”

Twilight gave a fake smile. “Of course I’ve made plans about this situation!” her smile broke down. “I’m planning on making plans about the plans that I am going to make.”

Spike sighed. “You have no idea what you’re doing, do you?”

Twilight frowned and looked disappointed with herself. “Not a clue. I mean, there isn’t a book on, ‘How to take care of alien beings trapped in pony bodies who have been dumped into lap now!,’ Spike. I’ve tried thinking it over, talking with the girls about it, but every time I do that it comes out as nothing more than complaining about what Hear-,uhm, H.B. is or isn’t doing. I feel terrible about this, Spike. But I don’t even know where to begin.”

“How about where you always begin, Twi’?” Spike asked looking thoughtful.

“And where’s that?” Twilight asked.

“With a list. What are the basic things that any pony needs that H.B. doesn’t have?” Spike asked, grabbing a bit of paper and a quill.

“That’s easy. Everything and a scrap of sanity.” Twilight remarked.

“I’m serious, Twilight. Here, I’ll get the list going. Food, water, clothing, towels...” Spike began writing.

Twilight blinked. As Spike listed these things off, she felt more at ease. Maybe he was right. Maybe a list of things was just what she needed. A little more organization back in her life. Something of the old Twilight to give her the feeling that she actually accomplished something. Then a thought popped into her head. “Shelter.”

“Shelter?” Spike asked. “I hope you don’t mean like a shack.”

“What? No, of course not. But H.B. doesn’t have her own space! She said she had been living in an apartment, by herself. She doesn’t have that any more. She doesn’t have a home, a house, a personal area that she can call her own. You know, I was actually thinking about making a list before all this. I guess I got distracted by her not being here that I forgot about it,” Twilight said.

Spike smiled. That was the Twilight he knew. That was the Twilight he had grown up with. “Shelter, an apartment, a house, a home...” He wrote down.

Twilight smiled. “Got any more ideas to handle this situation, Spike?” As Spike put up a claw, there was a knock at the door. “Uhm, hold that thought, Spike. Coming!” Twilight opened the door to find a very exasperated Applejack standing there.

She was gritting her teeth a bit and looking frazzled. “Mind if ah come in, Twi’? We need ta have a talk.”

==============================================================

Big Mac looked at the mare he had just been set to watch. She was looking down and seemed really depressed. He didn’t quite know what happened between her and AJ, but for AJ to get gnarled up like that? It must have been something fierce. It was a good thing that he interrupted them when he did. Any worse and things might have come down to blows. And from the looks of it, this, ‘Heartbreak,’ would have been the one on the losing end of things.

She was currently grinding her hoof into the ground and biting her lip. She then bellowed out a shout and threw her hooves in the air. “AAAARGH! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Of all the stupid things I had to do! Totally had a chance to show her that I’m not everything Twilight made me out to be! Totally could have been nicer! Totally could have handled that better! Ugh!” She proceeded to knock her head against one of the apple trees. Other than the sound of head greeting tree, there was nothing but an awkward silence. Big Mac finally broke it.

“Uuuuhm. Ah don’t know what happened here, but ah’m sure that’s not how you buck apples,” He finally said.

Heartbreak looked over and rolled her eyes. “Oh, right, you’re here. Don’t mind me, I’m just having one of my many mental freak outs and once again, sabotaging any chance of anyp-p-pony thinking that I have a semblance of normal in my head...” She sighed and rolled her eyes. “I don’t ‘spose that your sister told you anything outside of, ‘This is Heartbreak and she is going to help us work the farm?’”

“Nope.” Big Mac replied.

She sighed and rolled her eyes. “Right, perhaps a better re-introduction is in order. My name is Heartbreak, please call me, ‘H.B.’ I am a-” She paused mid sentence as if she was thinking about something. “I am a foreign exchange student from a very, very, very distant part of Equestria.” She slumped. “And I am going to be here helping work on your farm for the day.” Her eyes rolled and then she banged her head against the tree again. “However, with the way things are going, it looks like it is going to be for the week.”

Big Mac looked around, not sure what to say about that. “Ah guess ya should be filling that basket then,” He finally said.

Heartbreak conked her head against the tree again. “I don’t mean to sound really forward here, but I feel the need to apologize. I didn’t mean to kick you upside the head, and I really didn’t want to upset your sister like that. It’s just...” She looked up at the tree in a detached, forlorn manner. “Since....leaving home, I haven’t been getting a good amount of sleep, I have been having difficulty adjusting as it is, Twilight and I have been having problems and to top it all off, Applejack was pushing me in a way that I didn’t like.” Big Mac blinked at all this. Obviously this pony was having a hard time about things and felt the need to tell him about it, but it sounded more like a stream of excuses than anything. “I’m just digging myself further into a hole with all this, aren’t I?” She asked.

“Eeyup.” Big Mac replied.

“Fine. Right.” She took a deep breath and sighed. “Is it alright if I continue to kick this tree until your sister gets back?”

"Eeyup.” Big Mac said.

“Peachy,” Heartbreak replied. As she lifted up her right hoof and kicked the tree behind her, Big Mac noticed something rather...unnerving. There appeared to be a hole going straight through her right hoof at an odd angle.

“Weird,” he thought to himself.

Dragon's Wisdom

Chapter 24

Dragon’s Wisdom.

Applejack walked into the library. “Ah don’t know how ya did it Twi’.”

“Did what?” Twilight asked.

“Dealt with that pony for the whole of a month. Ah haven’t been with her for but half a day an’ already ah want ta just,” Applejack paused. She bit her lip and ground her hoof to the ground. “Ah’m finding maself wantin’ ta do things that I felt ah should have done ta a pony like Trixie!” She looked panicked and rather upset with herself.

“I warned you that she knows how to push your buttons while we were at the spa, AJ,” Twilight said, sympathetically.

“Ah know ya did, and ah didn’t realize just how gosh darn weird it was ta have pony who isn’t really a pony know all about yer life! Ah mean, ah might handle it more if she didn’t toss all them embarrassing and rather unpleasant moments in ma face,” Applejack exclaimed, pacing back and forth. “Ah just can’t wrap ma mind around how ya done it!”

Spike cleared his throat before Twilight could get a word edgewise. She let out a slight chuckle and bit her lip. “Actually, if I could be honest with you..”

“That would be a sight for sore eyes! Getting Heartbreak-” Applejack started.

“H.B.,” Spike corrected.

“Ah refuse ta call her that till she sures up. Ah know that it nearly sent her into a frenzy the first time Rarity was using it, but really, she’s gotta earn her own,” Applejack replied. “But ah’d rather try ta buck the whole of Sweet Apple Acres again then try ta get that pony ta open up again!”

“That bad, huh?” Twilight asked.

Applejack nodded. “What makes it worse is that she goes and berates us for being us in the whole of the conversation.”

Spike elbowed Twilight before she could interject something else. “Right, well, like I was saying, Applejack, the only reason that I didn’t actually end up tying her up and either sending her back to Celestia or at the very least doing tests on her in my basement,” Twilight sighed, ““Was because Spike helped me.”

Applejack looked a bit horrified at the thought of what could have happened in Twilight’s basement. Annoyance or not, Twilight could get a bit too involved in her experimentation. “Say what?”

“Spike did most of the work, most of the listening and even most of the helping. He even got her to open up more than I did,” Twilight said, looking ashamed. “This morning when he wasn’t there, we just blew up at one another and...” Twilight sighed. “I’m sorry to say that you’re the one that’s taking the fallout.” She looked at her long time friend-the first pony to shake her hoof when coming to Ponyville. She felt awful just dumping a problem like this on her. “Can you forgive me?”

Applejack smiled. It felt good to have a pony just be honest with her about all this. Heartbreak was fighting her tooth and hoof on a good number of subjects. It was mighty refreshing to get actual truth from another pony. “Of course ah can, Sugar Cube. Now, ah got ta know, what’s yer secret there, Spike?”

==============================================================

I loath myself right now. How stupid could I be!? I feel like such a...such a...”Bitch?” my brain interjects. Fuck you brain. Fuck you, you’re fucking right. I could have stopped myself at any time and asked what the fuck Applejack’s problem was. Why she kept pushing the subject, what she had said under her breath. I swear it was something that I know I don’t like. And now? Now I am stuck in an even more uncomfortable position.

With Big Mac.

Right, I don’t have any problems with Big Mac, other than in fanon, he is the, ‘Ponyville Bicycle.’ I mean, what do you expect from a show that has next to no main male characters and that eight out of ten of the characters featured are mares? The token male characters become subservient to the rest of the cast and work to, ‘satisfy’ their needs.

The good news is that I am not feeling any, ‘needs,’ or desires around him. The bad news is that I don’t know if the feeling is mutual and the situation is just awkward. Shut up, H.B. It doesn’t have to be awkward. Ponies aren’t like humans, they aren’t obsessed with sex. Well not completely, and I am sure that stallions aren’t going around thinking about that all the time. Now I want to tell my brain to shut up. This isn’t productive, and it isn’t helping the situation you’re facing. Trying to patch things over with Applejack is what you should be focusing on. The last teacher you had that you annoyed this badly failed you out of her class, and that was just for a letterhead.

I sigh and kick hard on the tree. Big Mac is sitting on the slope of the hill. His eye is looking at me and then forward. I grumble. There is something off in the way he is looking at me, like he’s unnerved or something. I kinda wish he would stop looking at me, like right now. Stop it, H.B. just kick some more trees.

I take that thought’s advice and kick a few more trees. And with my luck, a few more apples fall to the ground. With five or six more kicks I have at least twenty apples. Big Mac keeps staring at me from the corner of his eye. I grimace.

“Just pick the apples up off the ground and get as many as you can into the fucking basket.” Fuck, this shouldn’t be this hard. All I have to do is pick them up with my mouth. I am sure that Twilight and company are sick of me complaining about this and now -I’m- sick of me complaining about this. Rolling my eyes, I approach an apple. It has its stem still, that will make it a lot easier. I look it over and size it up. I am trying to figure out how exactly I am going to do this. Well, I know how I am going to do this. It isn’t rocket science, H.B., It’s just picking up an apple with your teeth! There’s a whole game centered around that concept!

Big Mac is looking at me with the, ‘What the fuck are you doing?’ expression on his face. He lifts a hoof. “Uuuuhm..”

“Quality control!” I shout spasticity. “Heh. Yeah. Quality control, you know what they say, one bad apple can spoil the bunch! Right?”

“Eeeeyup.” He replies, sagely nodding.

I put my face forward and attempt to pick the apple up with my teeth without biting into it. I can hear the slow crunch of the flesh of the fruit through my teeth. I walk over to the basket and drop it in. Success! Sort of. There is a nice set of teeth marks in the apple. I smack my lips. At least I have a nice taste in my mouth.

==============================================================

Spike shook his head when looking at these two. Here they were, nearly full grown mares and they didn’t have a clue about how to properly handle the situation that they faced. Granted that it was a bizarre situation and not much in the way of progress had been done.

He crossed his arms and looked at the both of them. He rolled his eyes as he spoke. “Hasn’t it occurred to either one of you to just listen to her? ‘Cause that’s all I did.”

“Ah tried that, Spike, but then when ah try askin’ her questions about things, she shuts down,” Applejack replied.

“She doesn’t shut down about everything. For example, I asked her what her favorite flower was. She told me either lilacs or violets. I was going to ask her if she actually liked roses more because of this wonderful drawing she did, but then she got a headache and needed something to drink. And you can’t go wrong with food. She apparently loves garlic! Come to think about it, she opens up more when you talk to her about things that you would normally talk about with other ponies.” He cocked his head at the both of them. “Instead of, you know, some creature from another world that is wearing a pony skin?”

Twilight sighed. “Which is why I am trying to come up with a list of things that she is going to need to help her feel a little more welcome.”

“Which is a good start. The next thing to do is just let her talk. You’ve seen her chatter on about subjects that she finds interesting. I’ve noticed that once you get her started on a subject that she likes, it’s hard to get her to stop talking about it,” Spike said.

“Yeah... Like when she was talkin’ about her job, or when she compared her world and ours to an’ apple orchard!” Applejack replied. She was starting to look a bit less frazzled.

Twilight blinked. “Apple orchard?”

“It made a lot of sense when she was explaining it.” She looked at Spike. “Then what?”

“Nothing. If she feels like talking, she talks about it,” Spiked replied.

Both Twilight and Applejack looked at each other. “Beggin’ yer pardon there, Spike, but that sounds like we’re not gonna be able ta learn anythin’ about her. Ah mean, what if ah have a question about her, and it needs answerin’? Somethin’ important like.”

“Yeah, there might be things that she herself doesn’t know about that are important things that she should know about, Spike. If we don’t ask, excuse the term, probing questions, how are we going to learn anything about her?” Twilight asked.

“I’m not saying don’t ask questions, you two. By all means ask away, but remember to watch for boundaries,” He explained, pacing a bit. “If you ask a question and she isn’t comfortable with the issue, back down. If she isn’t comfortable with it, she might not know how she feels about it and needs time to mull it over. Then maybe, if she feels she can come to you about it, she just might.” Spike rolled his eyes and rubbed his temples. “You know, I’m the, ‘baby’ dragon here.”

Applejack rubbed her ankle. “Ah know that, Spike. An’ ah’m awful sorry ta be puttin’ ya through the ringer like this, but sumthin’ happened back at the farm that got me really concerned. So much so that ah needed ta have me a cool off after ah dropped ma granny off at the hospital!”

“Hospital?” Twilight asked, concerned.

“She’s finally havin’ that hip replaced, but ah needed ta know what happened with her and them Nine so that I could quell that fear that was in the back of ma head.” Applejack explained.

“Whoa, that’s a serious hot button issue there, A.J. Even I know better than to press on a subject like that.” Twilight frowned.

“Yeah, what Twilight said,” Spike replied. “What could be so important that you would go into dangerous territory like that?”

“Well, ya see, ah was trying to teach her ta apple buck, and it being her first time an’ all, ah expected her ta have lousy aim. And boy nelly, was her aim lousy. So lousy that it clocked Big Mac right upside the head!” Applejack exclaimed.

Twilight and Spike jumped in fright. “Oh my goodness!” Twilight said. “He is alright, right?”

“Oh yeah. Lucky fer’ Heartbreak, not only does she have lousy aim, but she’s also not a working mare. If ya catch ma drift.” Applejack shook her head. “But then she goes over the top with concern about him and making sure that he’s alright an’ that she didn’t knock sumthin’ loose. After which, she gets all flustered and her words got a bit nervous..”

“Alright,” Spike began. “And this has to do with, ‘The Nine,’ how?”

“Well her name is, ‘Heartbreak!’ Ah need ta know what happened between her and them so that ah can watch out fer any signs of it happening again! Ah don’t want her bringing those same problems here ta Equestria! And ah don’t want her hurting ma brother!” Applejack finally spat out.

Twilight and Spike looked at each other. “Wait,” Spike began. “Let me get this straight. You think that,” He coughed and stifled a snicker. “You think that Heartbreak is interested in your brother?”

“Well...Yeah!” Applejack replied, dumbfoundedly. There was a small pause in the conversation which was broken with Spike unable to hold back his snickering. Before long he was outright laughing. Soon, even Twilight herself couldn’t help join in the giggle fit. “Hey now! This is serious business! Big Mac is a kind and gentle sort! Ah don’t need somepony whose special talent is breakin’ hearts to put him through some ordeal!”

Twilight walked over to Applejack, while Spike continued to snicker and giggle. “We’re both really sorry to laugh at you like that, A.J., B\but we can both assure you that you have nothing to worry about when it comes to your brother and H.B. Particularly when it comes to matters of,” Twilight looked as if she was searching for words, “love. And in her current state? I don’t think that H.B. is capable of feeling something like love.”

“Ha-ha-aaaah,” Spike gasped, finally calming down enough to get a few words out. His tone turned more serious. “Yeah. She’s pretty scarred from her whole experience. She isn’t going to have any interest in things like love for a long time.

“Are ya sure? Cause she’s had a lot of relationships and-” Applejack’s face blanched and her pupils contracted. “Uh-oh.”

“Uh-oh, what?” Twilight asked.

Applejack looked almost panicked. “Are ya sure there’s nothing ta worry about there, Twilight?”

Twilight frowned. “I am very sure that there isn’t anything to worry about here. In fact that’s been one of the most sure things that I have been sure about. I mean after all, she herself panicked, threw up and nearly cried when she thought that she almost raped Pepper Pocket.”

Applejack’s face drooped. “She’s a rapist too?!”

“Twilight,” Spike face palmed. “Let me handle this.” He put a hand on Applejack’s shoulder. “It was one big misunderstanding that happened when H.B. was high on creativi-tea. She said a few things that, if taken the wrong way, sounded like she, ‘wanted’ Pepper Pocket. She wasn’t thinking at the time and afterwards was really, really, really sorry. So, you have nothing to worry about.”

Applejack looked like she was trying to calm herself down. “Alright, Spike. If you both are sure that she’s not after ma brother, I’ll trust ya. But ah’m gunna hurry back ta the farm. Just in case,” Applejack said, heading out the door. “Are ya sure ah have nothin’ ta worry about?”

Twilight sighed. “You have my word that you have nothing to worry about.”

Applejack nodded and left the library. While she was now a lot less worried, her steps were rather hurried.
Spike looked at Twilight. “Uhm, Twi’?”

“Yes Spike?” Twilight replied.

“What’s a rapist?” the baby dragon asked in absolute innocence.

They Don't Grow Them That Big Where I'm From!

Chapter 25

They Don’t Grow Them That Big Where I’m From!

I have filled the basket almost all the way, practically all the way. Alright, nearly all the way. Fine, it’s just under being full. I can feel the sweat dripping off my forehead and my legs are starting to kill me. I was never in good shape back on Earth. Though, due to the new body, I haven’t a clue if that would have even helped me now.

I found it kind of stupid that mares always seemed to be shorter than stallions on the show. They always had eyelashes, they always had rounder muzzles, they never had hooves showing, and of course, something girly about their manes. Now that I am up-close-and-personal with all of these things. I can indeed see that eye lashes are a bit longer, my muzzle doesn’t look as blocky as it does with Big Mac. However, I do have a defining point where my hooves begin and some tuft of fur for my fetlocks.

Cartoon animators can’t get every detail perfect.

Backing up to kick another tree, I am caught in surprise by a sharp tugging and pain. I trip and fall on my ass. I jump in surprise and glare at whatever it was that just pulled me to the ground. My head droops and I roll my eyes. I just stepped on my fucking tail. I pick myself up and try this again. “Right H.B., mind the tail.”

Kicking the tree behind me, I get the satisfying sound of apples thumping to the ground. Eight. That’s a new record! I turn around and plop them into the basket again. The basket is now pretty much full. I frump to the ground. I am tired, thirsty and I get the nagging feeling I am going to need to pee here pretty soon.

“There!” I shout out, exasperated. “Done!” Big Mac jumps at my shouting and eyes the basket.

“Nope,” Big Mac replies.

I slam my left hoof to the ground. “What?! That is nearly full!” I protest.

“Applejack said-” Big Mac starts.

“Applejack said that she wanted at least one basket full before got back,” I interrupt. “And that is ‘at least one!’”

“Nope,” Big Mac says.

I facehoof. “Right, of course you’re going to be the good, diligent brother and make sure that I fulfill my ‘duty’ to fill at least one of these -fetting- baskets.”

“Eeeyup,” He replies.

“Right, I’m going to get another drink of water then. Got to keep hydrated right?”

“Eeeyup,” He says, nodding sagely.

Heading over to the trough, I can hear the hoofbeats of Big Mac following me and a paranoid part of my brain activates. I seriously don’t want him staring at my flank. Stop it, H.B. This isn’t a fanon universe, you have nothing to worry about, he isn’t going to...I blanch and I swear I can feel those apples I had earlier try to make their way back to my mouth.

Swallowing hard, I look at the trough. It still bugs the shit out of me that I am drinking from something like this. But right now I am too fucking thirsty to really care. After several gulps, I am feeling refreshed. The water is cooler than I expected. Then again, sitting in a shaded area like this? It’s going to remain so. It’s at that moment when the urge to pee hits me.

“Uhm, there doesn’t happen to be an, uhm bathroom up here is there?” I ask.

“Eeeyup,” Big Mac replies. His hoof points to a bush located to my right. Right at a bush that is.

I can feel my eye twitching. “You have got to be fetting kidding me.”

“Nope,” He answers.

I cringe and frown. I walk behind the bush, keeping Big Mac well within my sights. His gaze seems locked on me even when I am behind the bush. I wait for him to do the common courtesy and turn around. He doesn’t do that...

“Hey! I can’t go when you’re watching!” He blinks at me. “Turn.” I pause, thinking about what would happen if he just turned around. I don’t want to see if I can see what I think would be there. “Turn your head and look away!”

He backs up and turns his head. Gawds, I thought just going to the bathroom was awkward enough. Having some other pony just standing there...twenty times more awkward.

Coming back out from behind the bush, I feel refreshed. Well, at least on one level. I am getting to the point where I don’t want to buck anymore apples. “So, we’re going to be here till I fill that basket, aren’t we?” I ask.

“That’s what Applejack wanted,” Big Mac replied.

I am so glad that his vocabulary isn’t just, ‘Eeyup’ and ‘Nope’. That would get annoying to listen to. Still, I am barely able to move my, ‘bucking,’ muscles. “Can’t we just call this a day and tell Applejack that I filled the basket? I mean it’s mostly filled as it is!”

Big Mac glares at me. I’m sure that he’s still unhappy that I upset his sister. Either that or it’s at the idea that I am suggesting that we lie to her. But it’s just a little white lie! The basket is mostly filled. “Applejack said ta fill at least one basket, and yer gonna fill at least one basket before she gets back.”

“I could do that if you weren’t watching me, you know,” I begin.

Big Mac closes his eyes and turns his head. “Applejack said that ah’m ta watch ya until she gets back, and that’s what ah intend on doing.”

Good gods that sounded just...wrong. I want him to go away. Actually, I need him to go away. How am I going to get him to go away? Then a small idea forms in my head. Can I do it? It’s just the two of us up here, and I want him to go away..

“You watching strange mares, Big Mac? What would Smartie Pa-” I attempt to finish my sentence, but the startled and rather embarrassed look on Big Mac’s face is a shock of cold water telling me what I am about to do is wrong: so very wrong. So very wrong that I feel a wave of nausea wash over me.

“Ah..” Big Mac starts. “H-”

I’m doing it again. I’m being a bitch. I’m using the knowledge that I have gathered about all of these characters - no - these ponies, and using it against them. Personal secrets that I don’t need to let them know that I know about. And what’s worse is that it’s unfair to them because they practically know nothing about me. “You just did something like this with Applejack, H.B. Why the fuck are you doing it again with Big Mac? What did he do to almost deserve that? Nothing. Right. Face the music on this.” “Right, uhm, I didn’t...Look I’m terrible at apologies. And I don’t want two apples upset with me. So, I’m going to apologize here and say that I didn’t mean...” my head droops down. Why aren’t those two words coming out?! “I wasn’t thinking about what I was saying in this whole conversation. I was being stupid and saying hurtful things.” I look at him. He looks utterly confused. “Forgive me?”

His eyes dart back and forth and he seems to be totally lost. Fuck, I’m totally lost here. But I need to say something that sounds like I’m trying to say ‘sorry’. “Uhm...eeyup?”

Just hearing that makes me feel a little better. I’m not a bad person, or pony. I just need to take my own advice and actually watch what I say. The uncomfortable feeling that I had about Big Mac is lessened, but I still don’t feel like doing any more bucking. I just want to stop this. I want to do something other than kicking trees. But Big Mac is being insistent on this. Right come on, H.B. you still have a few more bucks in you! You can-

That’s when Big Mac’s stomach growls at him. A new idea pops into my head. A better idea. “Your sister said that I had to fill at least one basket,” I start.

“Eeeyup,” Big Mac replies.

“But she didn’t say that we couldn’t take a break, right?” I ask. I am sure there is a pleading look on my face. “Like, say ten minutes in the kitchen?”

He mulls this over. “Nope.” Damn it he’s not going to budge. “She didn’t say that we couldn’t.” He starts walking down the hill and I am stunned. That actually worked. His head turns back at me. “Are ya coming?”

“Uhm yeah! Just a bit tired is all!” I reply. As I race to catch up with him, I turn my head away from him. I don’t need to reignite the awkward moment of looking at his ass.

As we walk down the hill, Mac takes a deep breath. “Ya know that speech ya just gave?”

“Uhm...yes...?” I ask sheepishly.

“Ah think yer were givin’ it ta the wrong pony.” He says.

My head droops down. “Right. Next time I see your sister, that’s what I should do.”

“Eeeeyup.” He replies giving me what I can see as a wary eye.

==============================================================

“Jumpin’ june bugs basket cakes! How the hay could ah just have left them two alone like that?! Calm yerself, A.J. Twilight and Spike told ya that there ain’t nothing ta worry about,” Applejack thought to herself as she raced back to the farm. “Yer just working yerself up into a tizzy over nothing. Ya’ll get back to the farm, Big Mac and her will be still up on that there hill and she’ll have a basket of apples. Eeyup!”

Applejack took a deep break and rested on her gate once she arrived back to the farm. “Yup, yer over thinkin’ this A.J. It’s not like they’re, uhm.” She paused, looking up at the hill where Heartbreak was meant to be. From this vantage point, she should have been able to spot the dark red coat against the green grass. But that was nowhere to be seen. “Maybe she’s getting a drink of water! Big Mac wouldn’t let her out’a his sight after all!”

Getting to the top of the hill, Applejack looked around. “Big Mac? Uhm... H.B.?” she called out. Peering back at where the watering trough was, she was only met with a quiet nothing. “Dern’it! What was ah thinkin’?!” That’s when Applejack spotted a flash of red out of the corner of her eye. It was in the kitchen from her house below. “Heh, they’re in the house. Of course.” She looked at the nearly full apple basket. “They must be takin’ a break!” She cringed, hoping that Twilight was right about all this. “Ah hope.” She casually walked down the hill. Partly because she needed to calm herself down and partly because she was just tuckered out from the running.

As she passed the window to the kitchen, she overheard a snippet of a conversation being had. “Oh wow, those -are- some big apples. I don’t think those would even fit in my mouth. I mean, they don’t grow them that big where I’m from!” A cold shake went through Applejack. She needed to get into that house and in there fast! Opening the front door she heard another tidbit. “-really love apple butter, but I’m afraid that I’m nothing but a butter-h-h-h-hooves about these things. I have a...condition that makes my hooves all shakey. You mind getting that into my lips? I think I can handle it from there,” she asked.

Applejack raced to the kitchen doorway. As she approached she could see Heartbreak opening her mouth extra wide, her tongue lolling out and an ‘ah!’ came out of her throat. Applejack jumped into the doorway preparing herself to face what could be a horribly awkward situation. “Alright! Whatever ya all are doing needs to stop right now!”

==============================================================

There was a moment in my life that had a horrible air of confused awkwardness about it. It was the time my mother was making us kids hotdogs for lunch. We were about to eat and our mother commanded us to say, ‘grace.’ My brother looked at me, and I looked at him and neither one of us had any fucking clue what our mother was talking about.

Right now, that very same thing is happening here in the Apple Family Kitchen. Big Mac was showing me the contents of their pantry. I knew they had apples of all varieties in there, but damn. Those were some really big apples. I said that I didn’t think I could eat those whole. Besides, I just got done scarfing down some apples from the orchard. Something other than just plain apples would be nice. He offered to get some apple butter from the fridge. I love apple butter. Some people don’t like it. It’s like concentrated apple sauce that has been cooked to the point of caramelizing mixed with spices.

But, right now as the situation stands, Big Mac is looking at me awkwardly with his hoof extended and a slice of bread with a nice dollop of apple butter spread on it. I’m looking at him, my mouth hanging open about to eat said bread, and Applejack is in the doorway, looking at the both of us like we just were about to get away with murder.

“O-o-okay?” I finally squeak out. “Why?”

Applejack now looks flustered, confused and a whole bunch of other things all mixed into a mess. “Because! Because...that apple butter has gone bad!”

Inside I am twitching. I have this nagging feeling that there is a tv trope about this somewhere out there, and I am totally missing the joke behind it. I slowly pluck the bread off of Big Mac’s hoof and chew it. “It tastes fine to me, Applejack.” And it really does. Apparently they weren’t kidding when they said that the Apple family knew everything about apples.
While the apple butter did taste really nice, I am getting a sickly feeling when I see that there is a hard blush accompanied by an angry glare at me from Applejack. I don’t know what she is thinking, but it can’t be good. I chew a bit more in this quiet and awkward moment and then swallow. This seems to be A.J.’s cue for something.

She turns to look at her brother. “Mac, ya mind leaving us girls alone fer a spell ta have a talk?”

Big Mac responds with a “Nope.” As he leaves the kitchen, I swear there is a look of relief on his face.

I'm Sleeping in the Barn

Chapter 26

I’m Sleeping in the Barn.

Applejack’s mind was overworking with what she had just heard and thought it saw. What it had conjured up was almost as bad as stories that she had heard about folks, ‘walking in on their parents,’ mixed with rumors of what you would find in a filthy magazine. Not that there was anything wrong with stories like that, or with parents doing what parents do. What happens between consenting adults, happens between consenting adults. But that was her brother! “Ain’t no way no how ah’m letting somepony like that get all romantically involved with ma brother! Even if it isn’t what it looks like - which ah really hope it isn’t - Ah am going to snip this here in the bud!” Heartbreak was looking at Applejack with an exceptionally worried look on her face. “Right,” Applejack began, “You have some explainin’ ta do there, lil’ miss.”

Heartbreak frowned in confusion and wiped her face. “Over apple butter? It’s not like I was emptying your fridge, Apple-”
“No! It’s not about that!” Applejack shouted.

“The apple basket then? Look we were only going to be gone for like ten minutes! Just enough time for a quick-” Heartbreak started motioning to the refrigerator.

Applejack got up in Heartbreak’s face. “AH know what what you were really up ta, and ah’m here ta let ya know that there isn’t going ta be any of that! No sir, No ma’am!”

Heartbreak looked totally confused and tried to back away, only to find that Applejack was fixed in tow. “Huh? Applejack, what are you talking about?”

“Oh, you very know what ah’m talking about! Ah bet ya were thinking it when ya were chasing that one throughout Ponyville the other day!” Applejack shouted, stomping her hoof.

“Really Applejack, I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about. But I don’t like where this conversation seems to be headed. Could you please back away?” Heartbreak asked, sweat starting to drip off her forehead.

“Right! Let me make as plain as day then!” Applejack turned away for a moment to collect her words. “Do ya or do ya not have any romantic interest in ma brother!?”

Heartbreak blinked hard and shook her head. She proceeded to shake her head again and her eyes went blank. “What?!”

“Ya heard me! Cause if ya are pursuing ma brother, well let me tell ya somthin’ there missy, ya are chasing after the wrong pony!” Applejack said, crossing her hooves.

Heartbreak stood there in stunned silence for a moment almost scared to say anything. Then she started rubbing her temples. “First off and I repeat, ‘What?’ And second, ‘Huh?!’”

“Don’t try playing ignorant with me there ‘Little Miss Heartbreak.’ Ah saw how you were fawning over him back on the hill-” Applejack started.

“AJ, I kicked him in the face!” Heartbreak protested.

“Hey! We are not on nickname terms yet! An ah told ya that he was just fine! We pony folk are a lot tougher than ya think!” Applejack replied.

“Yes! I get that! But I was just showing concern! Where I’m from, we’re not exactly that, ‘tough.’ There are a thousand things that can kill us! Including a horse hoof or horse shoe to the face!” Heartbreak exclaimed.

“Concern nothing! When ah came near that window and this here door, what ah heard was a grade A, double quality, high set up rearing for some serious hanky-pankying there miss!” Applejack shouted back.

“Please stop calling me, ‘mis-,’” Heartbreak looked confused. “Wait...-you- know what, ‘hanky-panky,’ is?”

“As sure as sugar ah do! And that there was the start of it!” Applejack said, thinking that she had finally caught her in her own web.

Suddenly, Heartbreak’s face drooped. “You thought-that we were-You thought that Big Mac and I were-” her face twisted and she covered her mouth. “GARBAGE!”

“Like hay is that garbage! I heard it with ma very own ears that you couldn’t fit those apples in yer-” Applejack just then noticed that Heartbreak had made a dash for the waste basket. “Now hold-” Before she could finish her sentence, she was greeted with the ever so lovely sounds of somepony emptying the contents of their stomach. Heartbreak was muzzle first and nearly holding the garbage can. A green flush was rolling over her face. “A-a-are ya ok there, Sugarcube?”

“Y-y-you thought that I was...” Heartbreak herked and struggled to swallow. “With -your- brother?!”

“Well...ah could have been wrong here, but from the window and kitchen door things were looking mighty suggestive,” Applejack replied, her stance softening.

Heartbreak blinked and her face curdled. “Applejack!” she turned sickly green again. This was followed by another bout of coughing and gagging into the trash can. Heartbreak pulled herself away from it and wiped her chin. There were tears rolling down her cheeks from the event. “Darn good waste of apples and apple butter,” She muttered, after a few more coughs.

Applejack walked over, pausing only for a moment to see the contents of the garbage. The rather unpleasant smell of vomit hit A.J.’s nose. “Really it was, what with the talk of apple si-”

“Applejack, Stop. Just stop, alright?” She shook her head in attempt to remove the soured expression and took a deep breath as she gathered her thoughts. “Right, let’s start this over, because I am rather sick of exploding about stupid things.” She frowned. “Alright, that conversation, if taken out of context, could sound rather...terrible.” Heartbreak shuddered and turned to look at Applejack. “But why were you even thinking about this to begin with!?”

Applejack shrugged and looked to her side. “Like ah said, it seemed that ya were faunin’ over ma brother a lil’ too much after ya kicked him and so then...Ah mean, yer name is ‘Heartbreak’ and ya haven’t given us much ta work with other than ya being here because yer exes bucked ya here!” She gave her a funny look. “Then there’s just how many exes ya had...”

Heartbreak’s left eye started to twitch. “That’s why you were pushing the subject back up on the hill.” She glared at Applejack. “Look, Applejack, just because I have been -renamed-, ‘Heartbreak,’ doesn’t mean anything!” Applejack looked like she was about to say something. “And-And! Just because I have had more than the socially accepted number of broken relationships here in Equestria doesn’t mean anything either!” Heartbreak took a deep breath and muttered. “There is a better way, there is a better way, there is-”

“There is a better wa-” Applejack began to ask.

“Let me finish my thought. I am really, really, really trying hard to not be snarky, crabby, rude, or a ...Gilda.” Heartbreak looked up and sniffed hard. After wiping her eyes from any tears, she took a deep breath and gathered her thoughts. “So. Let’s start over -again- and pretend that we’re just meeting for the first time. Hi, I’m H.B. and you’re A.J. It is very nice to meet you. I’m new here in Equestria, so please treat me like such. Now that we have that out of the way: I am going to be rather straightforward in regards to this awkward situation. I didn’t mean for you to hear what you heard.” She grimaced and frowned. “Nor did I try to inflame your imagination into producing such...images. But the important thing is this, and I hope it puts your mind at ease: I’m not interested in your brother.”

“Alright, normally ah’d be askin’ if yer were sure about that...” She eyed the garbage can. “But, actions tend ta speak louder than words.”

“Thank you.” She coughed and cleared her throat. “I would even go as far as to say that I am not nor will I ever be, interested in anyp-p-pony like that. Ever.”

“Well that’s-” Applejack found herself caught off guard by this statement. “What? Hold up, ah don’t think ya have been in Equestria long enough ta make that there assessment.”

Heartbreak’s face fell. “Look Applejack. I just don’t see myself with anyp-p-ponies like that. Alright? I don’t like any of you like that, nor will I like any of you like that.”

“What? What’s wrong with us ponies?” Applejack asked.

“Nothing! I’m just not interested in any of you like that. I’m not attracted to ponies,” Heartbreak replied.

“Ah hate ta break it ta ya, sugarcube. But ya are a pony now. Ya might one-” Applejack started.

“No! Good Gaia! Applejack! I don’t want to have this conversation with you, alright? Plus, while,” Heartbreak pointed up and down at herself, “This might be a pony? Up here?” She tapped on her skull. “This up here? I’m quite sure isn’t. See these hooves?” She asked, waggling them at Applejack. “I still feel like there should be wiggy things on the ends of them meant for grasping!” she pointed at her tail. “This! This thing doesn’t feel like it belongs to me! It feels like some...prankster! Played, ‘pin-the-tail-on-the-pony,’ with me! And these ears! They don’t move because I want them to! They do all their actions ‘On.Their. Own.’ It really freaks me out! And don’t get me started on things like walking!”

“Alright! Alright! Ah get it!” Applejack replied backing away.

“I’m not just...broken emotionally, Applejack. I’m broken everywhere,” Heartbreak looked down. “They took me and shattered me to bits. Then they glued me back together without bothering to look and see if I was even put back together right.”

“Geeze, as much as ah sympathize with her problems, she is one depressin’ pony,” Applejack thought to herself. “Right. Tell ya what, taday? Ah think we’ve done enough bucking.” She looked at the time. Almost quarter after three already!? “An’ everythin’ else? Clean slate.”

“Does that mean-” Heartbreak started.

“Ah don’t know what happened between you and Twi’. After all, when I checked in on her back at the library, she seemed ta be making up a list of things that she thought ya needed. Ah don’t even know what happened between you and Mac. But ah’m not going ta go and make assumptions for events that ah wasn’t there fer.” Applejack’s face turned stern. “With that said, ah expect ya to be better behaved, especially with ma cousin coming over tamarrow. Today is a clean slate. Tamarrow is a different matter. Ya understand?”

“Yes.” She looked up in a pleading manner. “A.J.?”

Applejack sighed. “A.J. for now. But ya slip up?”

“I understand. Though, I think it would be best if I did sleep in the barn tonight.” Applejack looked at Heartbreak strangely. “While you say things are okay, I’m not terribly sure about that. Plus, I’m pretty sure that I spooked your brother pretty badly back on the hill,” She explained, walking toward the stairs. “I’m going to go upstairs, nap for a while, maybe draw. You should really check and see if your brother is alright.”

Applejack gave Heartbreak a concerned look. “With a pony like that, ah’m not sure them nine even needed ta bother punishing her...she almost does it pretty well on her own,” she thought before she went looking for her brother.

==============================================================

Big Mac looked around the barn cautiously. He checked under the haystacks, behind the tools and in other nooks and crannies. There was a slightly panicked expression alit his face. Relief came when he spotted a little grey cloth ear from behind one of the hay stacks. He reached forward and pulled the little doll from its hiding place. Smarty Pants was safe. He nuzzled his little friend.

“Macintosh?” Applejack’s voice caused her brother to jump and whiny in surprise. “Whoa! Uhm, sorry there bro.” She bowed her head and looked at him with concern. He pushed his muzzle into the hay.

“It’s ok, Applejack,” Big Mac replied.

Applejack took a deep breath, she wasn’t sure what to expect or what Heartbreak had done to spook her brother. “So, ah’m sure that ah got some explaining ta do about my reactin’ back there in the kitchen, don’t ah?”

“Eeeyup,” Big Mac replied.

She stepped into the barn. “Wow, uhm, Ah really never thought ah would have ta have a talk like this with ya, bro. Ah mean, ya keep ta yerself and ya barely leave the farm...”

Big Mac looked his sister in confusion. “What?”

“Right, sorry, Ah’m making assumptions about things, again. Let me start over.” Applejack wrung her hat a bit. “Ah’m sorry for leavin ya up there alone with Heartbreak, Ah guess ah just panicked a bit and wasn’t thinking.”

“It’s alright, Applejack. No harm done,” Big Mac replied.

“It’s just that, with the way she was acting, and what ah know about her...Ah was worried that she was...uhm well, ya know what ah mean right?” Applejack asked.

Big Mac looked at his sister oddly and then though for a moment. “Nope.”

“Alright, yeah,” Applejack took a deep breath. “Right, let me start over. Heartbreak has a bit of a history...with relationships. Or so ah have been told. An when she started acting all concerned like, ma imagination started to get the better of me. An ah started imaginin’ rather,” Applejack coughed, “Adult things.”

Big Mac looked at his sister in shock and surprise. “A.J.!”

“Hey now, we’re both perfectly reasonable an,” She paused, “Responsible adults here. And what happens between adults, happens between adults. An’m not ju-”

“A.J.!” Big Mac put a hoof up to interrupt his sister and walked over to her. “Look, ah don’t know what was goin’ on through your mind and ah’m sure that it’s better that way!” He took a deep breath. “But really!”

“It’s just that ah’m just worried about her an’ you, an’-” Applejack started stammering frustratedly.

“A.J., you know me better than that. Ah’m your brother, what’s more, Granny Smith has raised us better than that. The two of us just met! Ah know nothin’ about her.” Big Mac stated as calmly as he could.

Applejack looked away from her brother. “Ah know, it was just that-”

He put a hoof on his sister’s shoulder. “A.J., you’re starting to repeat yourself. Look. You said it yerself. Ah’m not the type to be introducin’ maself to anypony like that, let alone a mare, whether Ah know her or not.” He explained in a soft melodious tone. “Shucks, the only reason Cherry Lee an’ me ever went chasin’ after one another was ‘cause Applebloom and her friends went and drugged us up.”

Applejack sighed. “Ah guess ah was letting ma imagination run away with me and making assumptions, when ah should have been asking questions.” She looked at her brother. “Ya sure yer not havin’ any feelings fer her?” She asked in a teasing manner.

Big Mac chuckled a bit. “Ah know better than ta go chasing after weird mares like that. And that mare is just too weird.”

“Ah right. Ah guess enough fussing has been done over ya two an’ ma worries. Best getting back to the real task in front of us and get that apple harvest done!” Applejack said smiling, and walking towards the barn door.

“Eeeyup.” Big Mac replied. He paused for a moment. “Though, there is one thing ah have to know, AJ...”

Applejack paused halfway to the barn door. “What’s that?” She asked.

“How’d she know about Smartie Pants?” Big Mac asked.

Sour Apples

Chapter 27

Sour Apples

“Say what?” Applejack asked.

Big Mac took a deep breath. A stallion making this much fuss over a doll was something of an odd thing, but he was somewhat of an odd pony sometimes. “How did she know about Smartie Pants, AppleJack?”

Applejack blinked. “Wait, Smartie Pants..? Twilight’s old doll that-” She caught herself and remembered when her sister and her friends had been running ‘Gabby Gums.’ There had been a picture of Big Mac and a small plush doll.

Big Mac turned his head and looked at the hay pile behind him. “Eeeyup.”

“Well, ah-” Applejack started.

“It just seems mighty strange that a pony from a rather distant part of Equestria would know something like that there, A.J.” Big Mac turned and looked at his Sister. “After all, it’s not like ah go around telling every pony about...her...”

“What are ya implying there Mac?” Applejack asked.

“Ah’m not implying anything, other than somepony would have had to have told her about Smartie Pants for her to know,” Big Mac replied.

“Of all the dern obscure things for her to bring up! Why would she even do that?! If she knows us like she says she does, she’d know that bringing something up like that would make Big Mac uncomfortable! Unless that’s what she wanted to do. We’re going to have to have words about this sometime later when ah’m not so busy,” Applejack thought to herself.

“Well?” Big Mac asked.

“Ah didn’t tell her about yer do- ah mean Smartie Pants. Heartbreak is kinda like that. She knows a bit about all the ponies here. She had to because she is going to be here for a year and while she was back home, she figured that she would learn as much as she could about Ponyville!” “Yup! That works! Ah can’t believe I’m lying ta ma own brother for that bratty little filly! Ooooh that burns me up like- No A.J. Today is a clean slate. But come tamarrow...” “Ma guess is that she came across one of the copies of the Foal Free Press from years back.”

Big Mac thought this over. “Where exactly is she from, Applejack?”

Applejack rubbed her head. “She told me, but the name was so hard ta pronounce that ah’m not terrible sure what it was called. Ain’t important, ah reckon. After all, she doesn’t like talking about it too much.” Big Mac nodded and Applejack turned to walk away.

“Ah just have one more question, Applejack.” Big Mac said. Applejack gacked, that first fib to her brother felt terrible, telling him any other lies with questions that nagged that the loose threads that tangled about Heartbreak just ran against her grain.

“And what's that?” Applejack asked.

“Why’s she have a hole in her hoof?” Big Mac asked.

“Ah that, well, from what I understand. Twilight accidentally gave her some rather special tea. It made her kinda loopy and the next thing we know, she had a hole in her hoof.” Applejack rubbed her head. “Ah don’t know the full story, seeing that ah wasn’t there. Now, ah’m gonna go start on the harvesting. Them trees ain’t gonna buck themselves, right?”

“Nope," Big Mac replied as Applejack walked out the barn door. He waited for her to leave the barn before plucking Smartie Pants out of the hay. He nuzzled the little doll with a blush on his face. “It’s all right there, Smartie Pants. Ah’d never let a pony like Heartbreak come between us.”

==============================================================

I flop face down crosswise on the soft fluffy guest bed before me. I’m tired, sweaty, confused and downright conflicted. I wanted to scream at Applejack. I wanted to yell at her. I wanted to berate and degrade her. I wanted to ask snide questions that would insinuate that she was actually selling more than just cherries when she was working for, ‘Miss Cherry Jubilee.’

I put an arm over my face. “UGH! That’s horrible! Why?! You are not that bad of a person! You are not that bad of pony! What the hell!” My mane tickles my face and I become aware of how long it actually is. “Not now, I am wallowing in self-pity about how bad of a pony I am. How I keep trying new beginnings but seem to be nothing but an emotional train wreck that can barely leave the train station. And to boot, you are sickened by the very notion of sex, which is understandable. Good grief! Why did that conversation have to come up with Applejack of all ponies!?” rolling over, I nab the corner of a pillow in my mouth and pull it to me. Using my ankles, I put it over my head. “There is a better way, there is a better way, you aren’t a bad p-p-pony, you aren’t a bad p-p-pony...” I whisper to myself. I hear a pattering on the ground. Looking down I see a small wet spot. “Fetlocks! Not again...” Tears. I am getting sick of just crying almost on cue. Sniffing, I rub my nose and sigh. “Look H.B., like it or not, certain things coming out of a mares mouth and out of context will sound just wrong.” I roll my eyes and look around the room. “‘Look at the size of those apples.’ What the fet was I thinking?!” I feel ill when repeating that sentence. I sigh. “Enough of this, H.B. No more wallowing. Come on, you’re better than this. We can be better than this...”

Laying on my side, I spy my saddle bags. I want my sketchbook. Last I checked, to my surprise, there were a few clean sheets waiting to be drawn on. The page I told Derpy that I would draw her on is still there. I waggle my hooves at the bag that is but a few feet out of reach.

“Uuuuuh! Uuuuuh! Come on bag! Get over here!” If I were still human, I would have found an ultra lazy way of getting that bag to me. I used to have a walking stick of sorts with a right bend at the top from where I had broken the dead wood off the tree. It was useful in all sorts of situations. Now without anything to grasp, I am faced with the dilemma of actually getting up and getting the bags or scooting across the bed to get them...fuck. I scoot over and waggle my hooves more at the bag. Still nothing. “Awwww! Come on! Get! Over! Here!”

I grumble and stretch some more. “Almost! Almost! Aaaaaaalmos-Wha!” I feel my body mass shift and suddenly my face is greeting two old friends of mine. The Floor and Pain Hurtzalot. They have the gifts of a row of stars in my eyes. “Fet! Ooooouch....Oh, hi floor. Make me a sandwich!” I snort at my own joke as a means of fighting off the pain.

Looking over, I see that my saddle bag is now within reach. I push myself up and nab it with my ankle before getting back up on the bed. Fetching my sketchbook and pencil from the bag is a much easier task. As my sketchbook hits the floor it opens to a random doodle, some exercise in how to draw pony bodies. I slip my pencil into my hoof-hole and set the dial. It makes a soft whirring and *zttt!* noise. I smile. I feel complete all of the sudden. I feel whole. Leaning over the bed, I use the pencil to flip a few pages until I find a clean one. Then I begin writing.

“‘Things I can do to be a better,’” My hoof wants to write, ‘pony.’ It is already making the loop for a ‘p’, but I don’t want to write pony. I want to write something else. Come on, something other than pony, please something other than what I currently am...”Individual.” Yeah, that works. I let my Twilight Sparkle out to play and start writing up a list of things I can do to better myself. The first thing I write down is something I should have known all along.
“Just because I know a great deal about everyp-p-pony here, doesn’t give me rights to act like a know-it-all, or the authorization to use that knowledge against them.”

That’s the good start I need. Alright, let’s see if we can think of some more things to add to this thought.

==============================================================

It was getting dark when Applejack trudged her way up to the house. Bucking those trees did her some good. Getting out any hard feelings she had due to the whole incident with Heartbreak was just what she needed. There were no troubles, no worries about having to get some other pony in order. Just her, the trees and sound of falling apples into apple buckets. She was sweaty, exhausted and pleased with herself. She had been joined by Big Mac and they had harvested at least a quarter of the south field. Bucking apples had got her to think things over; work them out in her mind.

“Ah know Spike said to just let her talk, but ah got one or two storms still in ma mind. Hay, ah was able to survive hurricane Heartbreak when she ran through ma thoughts regarding ma brother. Anythin’ else I get her ta fess up about should be a mild summer rain in comparison,” She thought, looking tiredly at her house. The light in the guest room was still on. Applejack sighed, those feelings she had just spent bucking away were starting to reassert themselves.

Applejack slowly walked upstairs and peered into the guest bedroom. She was about to shout that dinner would be ready pretty soon, when her gaze was met with the sight of Heartbreak sleeping.

She was sprawled over the bed with her front hooves hanging over the side and her face pointed down. Her eyes were tightly closed and her breathing was calmed and relaxed. Her leg kicked and twitched over some unseen dream she was having. “She looks so peaceful. If it weren’t fer that thing sticking through her hoof, ah’d swear she was just another pony.” Applejack grimaced. “Almost seems a shame ta wake her up.” That’s when Heartbreak turned over in her sleep. Her head tilted back and a loud snore emanated from her mouth. Applejack stifled a snicker. “Almost,” she thought to herself as she walked over to the bed. “H.B?” She asked quietly. “Hey, H.B.?”

Heartbreak groaned in her sleep. “Hmmmphrzzle...”

Applejack chuckled and rolled her eyes. “That’s almost cute.” “Hey, H.B.!”

Heartbreak shot up and gasped. “Huh?! Oh...Applejack, it’s you...” She muttered, yawning and about to lift her hoof up to rub her face.

“Whoa nelly!” Applejack shouted as she stopped Heartbreak in time.

“Huh?! What? Oh...” Heartbreak said, realizing that she still had her pencil embedded in her hoof.

“Right, ah don’t want ya going and stabbing yerself in the eye. Best take that thing out,” Applejack said.

“Oh, right..” Heartbreak replied, still half awake. She tapped on a small colourful dial on the pencil and it made a soft whirring noise. She took it out and placed it in her saddle bag.

“Ah just came up here ta let you know that dinner is guna be ready pretty soon,” Applejack said.

Heartbreak stretched out and forced herself up. “Soup’s on everyp-p-pony?” She asked still not quite aware of anything happening around her.

Applejack blinked and was taken back at what she had just said. “Uh, yeah. Ah guess soup’s on.”

“Alright, I’ll be down in a few, after I actually wake up,” Heartbreak replied.

==============================================================

Opening my eyes, I vaguely remember that Applejack had come into the room a while back. After she left, I almost found myself just passing out once more. I haven’t a clue for how long, but I feel like I have overslept. And as such, I am feeling more tired than I should. This of course will make sleeping tonight, and waking up in the morning more difficult than it most likely should be.

Looking around, I become aware that it is dark outside. A crescent moon hangs low in the window, while wispy clouds make their way across its face. Turning back over, I stretch and grit my teeth as best as I can, attempting to chase the tiredness from my being. The sketchbook lays open before me and seems to stare back at me in disapproval as there is only but the one sentence scrawled in its page about not being an up-stuck, bitchy know-it-all. I feel disappointed at my lack of actually doing something with my writing. “Oh well, at least it’s a start to something.” I push myself up and stretch myself out one more time.

“Right H.B., get up! Get up! Get! Up!” I slip backwards out of bed and then head downstairs to see what is cooking. Reaching the stairs, there is that awkward dizzy moment at the top. I so don’t need this right now. So I do what I always do when facing stairs. Turn around and backpedal downstairs. Looking up I am met with Big Mac giving me a weirded out stare. “Uhm, I have a terrible fear of heights.”

“Okay,” He replies, nodding.

Backing away, I head to the kitchen and sniff the air. The aroma of what could be described as rustic cooking wafts out from the kitchen. Familiar smells. Corn, potatoes and possibly a few greens. I lean against the kitchen door frame. Applejack is stirring up something in a pot. The table has been set for three and there are a few things already set out. Mashed potatoes, a small tray of butter, green beans, corn on the cob, rolls, a bowl of applesauce, a plate of apple slices and of course, a couple of apple pies. A small salad with apple chunks and raisins is on the plate. There are glasses of apple juice and bowls next to the plates, so I can only guess that soup will be served with dinner.

Applejack turns and looks at me. The scene is almost too fucking quaint, too fucking homey, reminds me too much of coming to visit my Grandma Dana’s house. Though that place was only vaguely country at the best. They did have some farm animals. Mostly chickens, ducks, and a peacock or two. I sigh a bit, I feel like I am a useless lump here. Like I am just dotting about and not really going anywhere. Like useless fluff in a story.

“Well, look who found their way out of bed,” Applejack said. “Ya can take yer seat if ya like,” she tells me, tasting the hot soup with a spoon that is somehow held in the crack of her ankle. “Dinner will be done here pretty soon.”

Warm Apple Pie

Chapter 28

Warm Apple Pie

Heartbreak sat down at the table and looked at Applejack. “Quite the spread, A.J.,” She said quietly.

“What was that?” Applejack asked.

She sighed and rolled her eyes muttering about something. She then cleared her throat and spoke up. “I said that this is quite the spread. Everything looks really good.”

“Oh, well, thanks! Ah do try ma hardest. Ah mean when ya got a farm ta run and four mouths ta feed...” Applejack began.

Heartbreak looked at the table, a momentary flicker of something passed over her face. “Yeah, speaking of four mouths, where’s Applebloom?”

“She’s still over with her friends, ah think she was guna have a sleepover with them,” Applejack replied.

“Oh,” she replied in a detached manner.

Applejack looked at her with concern. “Somethin’ the matter there, sugarcube?”

“It’s nothing, Applejack,” Heartbreak replied, as her stomach growled at her. “I’m just hungry, I guess. Low blood sugar and all that.”

“Well then, good thing that ah made extra,” She replied, as she brought the stew over to the table. She proceeded to pour some in the bowls. “Seems like she’s gone ta stealth mode now. A far cry from what she was this morn’.”

Heartbreak took a good sniff of the stew. “Smells...garlicky?”

“Well, seeing that ya said that that ya were a fan of it, ah thought ah’d cook up one of Granny’s old recipes!” Applejack said proudly. “Now, ah’m not sure that ah got everything there right, but ah did ma best.” She finished dishing out Big Mac’s bowl and set the pot on the table. “Hey! Macintosh! Soup’s on!”

==============================================================

This is the most food that I have seen in my time here in Equestria. Granted that it has only been almost three months.
Big Mac trots into the room and sits down in the seat across from me. He spares no time taking a roll and buttering it up. I am still confused at the way that ponies are able to use their hooves to even attempt this feat. This confusion transforms into frustration as I realize, once again that I am not even going to be able to serve myself at the dinner table. I look down at my hooves, they clatter about as I try to figure out whether or not I should attempt to reach for anything on my own or ask for help. “This is stupid, just fucking stupid. Everytime! Everytime I feel like a fucking three year old in all this! Damn it H.B., calm down. There is no reason to get all worked up over-” I feel something on my shoulder. Applejack is standing over me with a look of sympathy on her face.

“Ya need some help there, sugarcube?” She asks. “Ah mean with yer condition and all.”

Great. Applejack is helping to perpetuate my lie. But is it really a lie? I mean it is a condition of sorts. Something is wrong with my hooves. I can’t grasp things like the other ponies. I still can’t get why I can have a stine around my ankle but can’t do anything else. But if this condition has anything to do with the Fae, it doesn’t have to make sense. It’s like useless super powers: Super speed only when it’s dark, the ability to talk to plants but not get them to do anything, having eyes at the ends of your fingertips. There’s a bunch of useless little rules and clauses at the end of everything that just don’t make any fucking sense.

“I-I...” Damn it. I must look like an invalid. All last month I was bitching about this in the back of my mind, and I’m still bitching about it. “Yes please.”

“Alright then, what would ya like?” She asks me.

“A bit of everything, I mean if you wouldn’t mind,” I reply looking at her. Applejack nods and starts dishing things out. That’s when I notice that Big Mac is giving me a funny look. It’s this annoying, weirded out and confused look. I want to be respectful to Applejack, seeing that she just offered to help me gather food, but at the same time, that look Mac is giving me is going to get old really quickly. “What?” I finally ask trying to temper the annoyance in my voice.

“Uhm, nothin’,” he replies.

“Macintosh, it’s rude ta stare and if somethin’s botherin’ ya, ya should get it out,” Applejack says, plunking an ear of corn on my plate. She follows this up with mashed potatoes, a roll, green beans and a few apple slices. The plate looks engorged as it is, but moments later everything excluding the apple slices is given a pat of butter. True country comfort, Paula Deen would be very proud.

“Ah was just wonderin’,” he begins, “Why you don’t just use your mouth to reach for things.” Internally, I sigh. That would be the obvious answer right? Then again, maybe I can work with this...

I look at him with a repulsed expression. “Where I’m from, it’s not only rude but gross to do that. There is a great concern about spreading things like germs and illnesses. When it comes to things like food or water. We’re extremely careful. I mean, before we figured out that boiling water made it safe, hundreds of us died of contaminated food and water.” The both of them give me a rather vaguely horrified expression.

“Okay,’ Big Mac replies. Applejack gives me a somewhat disapproving look. I look away and try to think of something more pleasant-like the dinner on my plate.

I think I have mentioned this before, but I will say it again. Everything on the plate looks really good. I can feel my mouth watering in anticipation of what is to come. Except there is one thing missing from this dinner setting: Silverware. With the exception of the serving spoons and a few knives, there just isn’t any actual silverware.

“Damn it, if I make a big deal about it, then there are going to be questions. But...but... fuck...I’m going to have to eat like a dog! Or an animal or-” That’s when I hear Applejack’s voice.

“Alright everypony! Dig in!” She exclaims. The two of them just practically bury their faces in the food. Well, not like bury, bury their faces. But they are still eating without the need for silverware. She looks at me licking her lips clean of some potato. “Somethin’ wrong there, H.B.?”

“Uhm, no...Everything is fine, just...fine..” Then I notice the glass doesn’t have a handle. “But, could I get a straw for my juice?”

“Ah don’t see why not,” Applejack replies, getting up from the table and fetching one a drawer. Again, somehow she is holding it in the crack of her ankle. “Seein’ that ya have, ‘shaky hooves’ an’ all.”

I want to frown at Applejack and sulk about this. Like I said before. Perpetuate the lie. But then again, it’s been over a month. Shouldn’t I be used to all these things by now? Bending my head down to eat, drinking through a straw and trying to get my hooves to do what I want? Shut up, H.B., you’re tired, hungry and fretting over nothing. We are not the, ‘sympathy sue!’ Focus on the positive here. She is willing to give you a meal, take you into your home after you have berated her friends, and you need to try to give...something back. “T-thank you, A.J.”

“Don’t think anythin’ of it,” she replies. Fet, she’s being nice. And that usually means that she wants something. Damn it brain! Shut up! What was I just telling you?!

I bend my head down and start to partake in the meal that has been presented to me. It’s fucking delicious.

==============================================================

Applejack watched as Heartbreak finally started eating her food. She swore she could see the corners of the mare’s face starting to up turn in a smile. Applejack took a long drink of her apple juice before digging into her salad. “Spike was right about her liking food.” She licked her lips. “So, H.B., everything ta yer liking?”

Heartbreak looked up and pulled a green bean into her mouth. “I’ve barely started eating, A.J.” She attempted to put her hooves on the buttered ear of corn on her plate, it slipped and slid a little bit until she bit down into it. “But, everything looks really good and tastes really good.” Applejack nodded as Heartbreak pulled the straw into her mouth. After taking a long drink, she let out a satisfied gasp. “It’s really fetting good, A.J.”

“Fetting?” Big Mac asked between bites of corn.

“Uhm, yes. Fetting, like,” Heartbreak pointed at her hoof. “Fetlocks. Where I am from, fetlocks are important and to describe something as, ‘fetting good,’ means that it is really good!”

“Okay.” Big Mac replied.

Applejack shot a glare at Heartbreak. “Ah’m sure that when she says ‘fet’ or ‘fetlocks,’ she’s meanin’ somethin’ else.” Heartbreak merely tried to avoid the stare.

“Mmmm, nothing like, uhm good old home down cooking,” she said, gobbling up a roll. “You did a really good job with all this, Applejack.”

“So ya keep saying,” Applejack replied. “However, ah’m glad ya like it.” The sounds of quiet eating soon pervaded the table and it wasn’t long before the three of them had finished their meals.

==============================================================

It has been forever last I have felt this satisfied. Looking down, my stomach looks distended and I feel like I can barely move. Everything was good, salad included. And much to my surprise, it didn’t contain any grass. No grass! Just lettuce greens, apple slices and raisins! Mind you that eating corn on the cob without hands was a chore, but other than that? Wonderful. I let out a contented sigh. About that time, a plate of warm apple pie is slid in front of me.

“Got room fer dessert?” Applejack asks me.

“Urph...Keep feeding me like this A.J. and I’m going to get fat,” I reply in a jokingly manner. Holy crap, am I being jovial? Am I actually lightening up? Am I- a loud belch erupts from my mouth. The two of them look at me surprised. “Uhm...excuse me...”

“No need fer an excuse there, H.B.,” Applejack tells me. “Now ya ready fer that pie?”

I eye the slice of warm pie in front of me. Taking in a long smell, I can almost hear Pinkie’s voice giving a mouth watering description. “Come on! How could you -not- want this pie? With its wonderful sweet-tart still warm apples, the complex interplay of cinnamon and spices, that buttery crumbly homemade crust!? What pony could resist?!” I want to roll my eyes at that last little bit. She had me up util that last part. “Darn it, Pinkie. ‘Who could resist?’ would have been better. Still, there is a bit of room for pie...” “Yeah, I have a little room left,” I reply, reaching forward to taste that pie.

==============================================================

“Heh, they never can resist one of Granny’s pies.” Applejack thought as Heartbreak finished it off. The pony chewed and swallowed rather slowly, either as a means to savor the dessert or because she just got done with what was even on the farm, a generous meal. “Right then, now that we have her all tuckered out on a good meal, ah might get a few things answered.”

“Alright, now I’m stuffed,” Heartbreak said, licking her lips from any remnants of pie.

“Good ta hear!” Applejack replied. “Big Mac, ya mind cleaning up the the table?”

“Nope,” He replied, picking up plates one at a time off the table. Heartbreak eyed him nervously as he did so, almost as if she expected him to do something.

“So,” Applejack began. “Are you still set on sleeping in the barn tonight?”

“I said that I was,” Heartbreak replied quietly.

“And ah asked if ya still intended to,” Applejack said frowning a bit.

“Yes, I still think that is for the best, Applejack.” Heartbreak finally said after a moments worth of thought.

A surprised whinny came from Big Mac as he almost fumbled a plate. He quickly put the dish into the sink with the rest of them. “Would you excuse me, ladies? Ah need to take care of...something,” He said.

“Not at all there, Mac,” Applejack replied watching for him to leave. As soon as he did, Applejack’s expression changed. “Ya had ta bring up the doll?”

Heartbreak coughed and rubbed her ankle looking really uncomfortable. “I-I didn’t mean to, it was just I was getting really uncomfortable, and he was staring at me and-”

“Hold up and stop right there,” Applejack said. “Ah get it, you’re sorry. But ya with all that knowledge up in that head of yers, ya need to think about what yer guna say before ya say it!”

Heartbreak looked down. “I know that, A.J., I even wrote it down.”

“Well, maybe ya oughta start-” Applejack began.

“I know, Applejack!” Heartbreak blurted out.

“Hey now! There’s no need fer any shouting!” Applejack said sternly.

Heartbreak rubbed her temples. “I-I know, it’s just...hard. And it shouldn’t be this hard. I know I shouldn’t have mentioned Smartie-” Heartbreak saw the unnerved expression on Applejack’s face as she almost said the name. “I mean...the doll. But I caught myself doing it! I felt bad about it! I apologized to Mac about it, told him I was saying stupid things and was acting stupid, and that I really didn’t mean to act that way. I was just frustrated, tired and most likely hungry.” She looked up at Applejack. “You know what he told me?”

“What’s that?” Applejack asked.

“He told me that I was giving the right speech to the wrong p-p-pony,” she replied. “And I agreed.”

“Ma brother is like that,” Applejack replied. “Course ya know that already.”

“Yes,” Heartbreak replied. “He has a simple wisdom and understanding of things.”

“Ya ever gona explain how ya know any of this?” Applejack asked.

Heartbreak sighed. “Nope.”

“Right, and yer still set on sleepin’ in the barn tonight?” Applejack asked.

“I think it would be for the best, A.J., I made your brother uncomfortable and did something wro-” Heartbreak began.

Applejack frowned. “Stop. Right. There. Now look, ah understand that yer situation is difficult. But ya need ta stop makin’ it more difficult fer yerself than ya need to.” She looked at Heartbreak, the mare only looked away. “Hey! Look at me!” Applejack commanded, Heartbreak looked back. “Right, as it stands, ya haven’t done anythin’ wrong short of us havin’ some misunderstandin’s. And the barn is place for actual punishments. Not fer this ‘beatin’ up on yerself fer somethin’ that ya couldn’t control,’ nonsense.”

“But I-” Heartbreak began.

“No ya didn’t,” As Applejack rolled her eyes, she spied the clock. It was already getting close to her bedtime and she had to be up early. “Look, yer not sleepin’ in the barn tonight. And that’s that, end of story. Maybe tamarrow will be a different matter,” she said, getting up from the table. “So tonight, yer gonna be sleepin’ in that nice warm bed we so generously provided fer ya.”

Heartbreak sighed in frustration over some unseen conflict. “Fiiiiiiiiiiiine,” she finally said in surrender. “I’ll obey el’ capitan.”

Applejack paused near the kitchen door. “Right. This needs to be said. Heartbreak, ah’m sure ya know a lot about us Apples. We’re kind, honest folk, with a decent work ethic. And we’re all about helpin’ other ponies in need.” She paused and sighed. “But our hospitality only extends so far. If yer not wantin’ or willin’ ta take our help, then we’ll have no choice but ta move on. Ya understand?”

Heartbreak sighed and looked down. “Yes Applejack.”

“Alright then. Now, ah’m gonna turn in. And ah suggest ya do the same shortly. We gotta be up early ta pick up ma cousin,” Applejack said tiredly.

“Okay Applejack,” Heartbreak replied. She sat at the table quietly for a moment as Applejack started to walk towards the stairs. “Applejack?”

Applejack turned. “Yes’m?”

“Uhm, thanks for the dinner, it was really good,” Heartbreak said quietly.

“Yer mighty welcome,” Applejack replied before turning back the hall and heading upstairs.

'Malinae Malusae' Crab Apples

Chapter 29

“Malinae Malus” Crab Apples

So, the message of tonight is the same as it was when I first got to the farm.
“We’ll help you, but you have to want our help.”

And truthfully, I want their help. But it isn’t as easy as Applejack is making it out to be. I would really like it if I could just be open and honest with all these ponies around me. But thus far, every time I let slip some little truth about the world I’m from? All I get are looks of horror, shock and disapproval.

Tell them about energy drinks and it becomes a lecture in the health risks of over caffeinated beverages. Tell them about machines that make water safe to drink and you get told that water that was magically brought here by flying horses jumping on rain clouds is far better. Explain the way that science is actually meant to work and get sent to the farm for manual labor.

The pony world is based on the human world. After all, we’re talking about magical talking anthropomorphic equines here. There are going to be some very human traits to the characters. This is after all a show targeted to what boys and girls? Humans. Well, young human girls and their families, that for some reason also struck a strong chord with young teenaged boys and older men. So it’s going to be very much like the human world. But at the same time, it’s different. It’s an idealized version of the human world with less problems; where friends always come to help out, where everything’s healthy. And if you don’t act like the other ponies, like Charlie, you get shunned.

“And guess what H.B.? This is your home for at least the next year,” My brain tells me. Thanks brain, I needed to be reminded of that. I needed to be reminded that there is practically next to nothing that I can really do about my situation. I stare wistfully at the table. “At least the food is as awesome as I imagined it would be.” I let out a long sigh.

“Right,” I comment out loud. “Let’s get to bed, ‘cause sitting here and pondering your lot isn’t as comfortable as laying in a cozy bed and pondering your lot!”

==============================================================

Getting to, ‘my room,’ I close the door behind me, pushing it till I can hear I can hear an audible clicking that assures me that, yes the door is closed. I am still very uncomfortable with the thought of sleeping in this house. It’s not the thought of Big Mac as much as the fact that Applejack thought that we were about to engage in, ‘hanky-panky.’ That thought alone disturbs me. I’m not sure if it is the idea of...being with a stallion, or the fact that a horse’s...

I feel ill thinking about the more detailed parts of horse anatomy, so I am going to stop now. Yup, going to stop now. I push my head under the warm quilt. I kind of wonder how they actually make it look hand stitched, but fuck, this is a magical world. It doesn’t need explaining. Pulling myself under is a bit of a challenge, but eventually after much struggling and finagling, I get there. My head pops out from under the blanket and rests on the pillow behind me. My front hooves follow suit and I struggle around to get comfortable.

For a moment I am just staring at the ceiling. I think it is actually setting in. I am going to be really -stuck- here, in Equestria, for a year. That is if nothing horrible happens to me. I mean, this is a magical land of talking horses with dragons, gryphons and who-knows-what-else. There are countless ways I could die if I make a wrong turn or do something stupid. Fuck, even if I don’t take care of myself healthwise I could die. I haven’t even thought of what kind of illnesses could kill me!

I rub my hooves together and shake my head. “Stop this. You’re going to drive yourself sick by worrying about what will get you sick and kill yourself over worrying about what will kill you!” I let out another long, frustrated sigh. “There are plenty of other things you can worry about. Like how you acted to Applejack.” Her words echo in my head again. “Our hospitality only extends so far. If yer not wantin’ or willin’ ta take our help, then we’ll have no choice but ta move on. Ya understand?” Hearing that again even as a memory produces a dull ache in my heart. I know what she means, the whole ‘shape up or ship out’ song and dance. Still those words are stinging harsh things. Again I shake my head. I need to stop focusing on this negative stuff. Stop being a ‘oh poor pity me, H.B,’ and start-

That’s when my attention is drawn to something that I am sure that I don’t want to be seeing right now. Passed the foot of my bed and on the other side of the room is a dresser with a mirror.

Reflected back in that mirror is a horribly sad and oh-my-fucking-sweet-god overly cute, tomboy-ish looking pony. I have seen myself in the mirror only a handful of times now. But those times have almost always been exclusively in the bathroom.

The large sad blue-eyed mare staring back at me is a sorry sight. Her mane is a curly wavy mess, her large sparkling eyes look like they are on the verge of weeping. Her hooves are placed almost cutely over the blanket.

“Gah!” I can’t stand to look at that reflection anymore. She’s too fucking cute. It makes me cringe to know that the reflection I’m seeing is actually me. Do I look like -that- all the time? How can the others stand to see something so fucking pathetic? I turn to my side and curl slightly.

The lamp that I am now facing is still on. I reach forward to the pull string almost attempting to grasp at it. But then I remember that I have hooves. “No, I am not going to angst over that. That reflection you saw in the mirror isn’t you, H.B. It might be what you look like right now, but that isn’t the real you. Be creative. Improvise.” “I bet...” Reaching forward again, I decide to go with a different idea. I slip the pull string to the lamp through the hole in my hoof. The little chain goes through with ease. I quickly rotate my hoof counter-clockwise. I am rewarded with a click of the lamp and the room being blanketed in darkness. The chain slips out as I pull my hoof back. It’s a small victory of sorts, but I’ll take it.

“Good Night, H.B.,” I tell myself out loud before closing my eyes.

==============================================================

“Hey! H.B., time ta wake up!” Comes Applejack’s voice. I breath hard through my nose and my eyes snap open. A cold sweat chills my forehead and the morning light stings them. I come back from what felt like a dreamless sleep. No, seriously, I don’t remember falling asleep last night. Kinda like what happened after, ‘Creativi-Tea Day.’

A muttered moan comes from my lips. I don’t feel like I slept at all. My heavy eyelids close back up. “Just ten more minutes, Applejack?”

I hear a sigh from the other side of the room. “Alright, ah’ll come back in ten. Breakfast will be ready by then. If yer not gonna git up then, then yer gonna miss it. Understand?”

I yawn tiredly. “Yes, Applejack...” I hear Applejack walking down the stairs. And that’s about the moment my body decides that it needs to be awake. This is kind of easy to deduce seeing that my bladder is saying, “Hi! Remember me?” Oh goodie, the troubles of the early morning. “Fine. Whatever. Getting up.”

Pulling myself out of the bed, I look over to the other side of the room. The mare in the mirror is doing the same. Her mane and tail are an outright mess and she doesn’t look that rested. I walk passed her and glare at the reflection of a moment. This close I can see the tangled mess living atop my head. A mess that I am sure that Applejack will insist on brushing out before we go anywhere. I roll my eyes and walk out into the hallway.

I try to make my walking as quiet as possible. I am sure that Big Mac is still sleeping, and I don’t want to wake him. Tiptoeing past his door only confirms this. However I am met with an odd, if not cute surprise. The massive red pony is curled up in his bed with a small grey Smartie Pants doll.

A tiny voice in the back of my head, ‘awws’ at this little picture. It is kinda cute. “Stop that! You have more pressing matters to attend to! Plus, in lieu of yesterdays’ events, you don’t need to wake him up and him getting all uncomfortable about his little doll!” I shake myself from the scene set before me and then head downstairs, backwards of course.

Down at the bottom, Applejack is there to greet me. “Oh hey! Ah was just about ta come up and get ya. Breakfast is ready.”

“Oh, uhm...cool. Just wondering. Where is your bathroom? I asked Big Mac yesterday but seeing that we were on the hill, he had me go behind the bushes,” I explain, frowning.

“Eyup, just somethin’ we pony folk do,” Applejack replies, pouring water into a bowl of oatmeal.

“Yeah, so, where’s your bathroom?” I ask with a pained expression. Just then a small stray thought passes through my head. “You do have an indoor bathroom right?”

Applejack frowns. “‘Course we got an indoor bathroom! What kind of question is that?”

“It’s just a question,” I reply.

Applejack sighs. “Right then, bathroom is down the hall there yonder and two doors down.”

“Thanks!” I exclaim, rushing my way to said bathroom.

==============================================================

Applejack watched H.B. make a dash for the bathroom. Considering how she was walking, she must have been in dire of need of such. She sniffed the air. A slight musk clung to it. “Dern it, she must have not showered yesterday.” Applejack grabbed for the dehydrated apples, cinnamon and brown sugar to add to the oatmeal she was cooking on the stove. “Then again, she didn’t know where the bathroom was. Ah swore ah thought ah told her. And she slept in our bed! Ah mean now we’re gonna have ta-” Applejack took a deep breath. “Calm yourself, A.J. Seriously, we’d say that we’d have a clean slate today, and that’s what we’re gonna have ourselves. Still, ah would like it if she showered before we left...”

“So, oatmeal?” Heartbreak asked, as she returned.

“Uhm, yeah. Ya don’t have a problem with oatmeal do ya?” Applejack asked.

“Nope. Smells really good,” Heartbreak replied, sitting down at the table.

Applejack set a bowl on the table. “Glad ta hear, mind yer tongue though, it’s still plenty hot!” For a moment, Heartbreak looked pleased to see what was placed before her. However, this was broken by a twitch that worked its way across her face. Sighing, she bowed her head towards the bowl and blew on the oatmeal before taking her first bite. Applejack blinked in confusion. “Something wrong, sugar cube?”

“Nothing important, A.J.” She replied, once again blowing on her oatmeal and taking a few bites. “Though, do you have any milk to cool this down?”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “She was doing that same thing last night at dinner.” She thought as she took the milk from the fridge and poured on the oatmeal. “Anything else ah can get ya, while ah’m up?”

“My life and dignity?” Heartbreak commented through bites of her breakfast.

“Beg yer pardon?” Applejack asked. “Was that a joke? It’s so hard to tell with her! Dern it! Yer acting like Twilight, Applejack! Looking at every little thing! Ya need to be better about this, don’t let her push yer buttons, show her that ya care enough for her ta open up!”

“Nothing, Applejack,” Heartbreak replied bitterly.

Applejack opened her mouth and then closed it. “Alright, ah’m not gonna pry. If it was somethin’ important, ya’d tell me!”

“Eyup,” Heartbreak replied, looking at the now empty bowl. “Mmm, this was good oatmeal.”

“Cause that’s what normal ponies do! Stick together and help each other with their problems by bein’ honest with one another so that they can help overcome them problems!” Applejack beamed. That was something that sounded so slick that she swore that she thought Twilight or maybe even Rainbow Dash would say it.

Heartbreak’s face twitched slightly. “Eeeyup, that’s what, ‘normal ponies,’ would do...”

Applejack’s face drooped. Heartbreak was cutting her off. “Look sugar cube, ya remember what ah said last night?”

Heartbreak rolled her eyes. “Yes. And nothing is wrong, Applejack.”

“Ah don’t quite believe that there,” She tried to appear as sympathetic as possible. “H.B., it’s almost as clear as day that yer worrin’ and fretting over somethin’.”

“It’s nothing that is important, A.J. Just my own insecurities, worries and minor gripes with my current situation.” She looked up at Applejack. “Aren’t we s’posta pick up your cousin from the train station pretty soon?”

Applejack sighed a bit. “Yeah, Ah gotta get a few things before we leave. One of them being a brush for that birds’ nest of a thing ya are calling a mane,” Heartbreak rolled her eyes. “Hey, ah’m not going to give ya a makeover, but ah’d like ya ta be at least presentable.” She got up from the table and headed out from the kitchen. “And H.B., this might be some of that ‘simple wisdom and understanding of things,’ but it seems to me that in order to learn anything about Honesty? Ya gotta start with yourself.”

==============================================================

I grumble as we walk to the train station. And I know exactly why too. Applejack is right. I’m not being very honest with myself. Sure I had a few breakthroughs last night, but it is all too easy to fall into old habits.

One of those of course being denial. Denial was something I picked up as a kid as a coping mechanism to help gloss over the fact that my childhood did indeed have some genuinely messed-up moments. To cover up the fact that I spent more time in my own personal fantasy world making up stories to polish the whole, ‘I don’t have too many friends and I don’t know why,’ and of course, to hide any emotional responses that anyone, including my mother, could use against me.
While denial is an easy habit to fall into, a harder habit to explain is my stubbornness. Well, I am not sure if it is a habit as much as it is a personality quirk. It was something I got from my mother. Both she and I were very set in our beliefs when we felt that we were, ‘right,’ about something. Hence the crux of many of our conflicts.

She was on the red side of things, while I was more on the blue. She felt that religion was important, I felt that it was unimportant. She was pro-life, I was more on the side of, ‘I don’t have a uterus so I shouldn’t go around telling women what they can do with it, plus there are circumstances that we might not have taken into account.’ I don’t know...there were a lot of things we disagreed on.

Looking up at the sky, I see that the weather is reflecting my mood. Cloudy and slightly grim. For the most part, Applejack has been really quiet. And really, I’m A-O-K with that.

“Huh, looks like it might storm today. The pegasus got to make sure that May’s rain supply is plenty enough for June,” Applejack says out of nowhere. So much for the quiet.

“I guess,” I reply, sounding rather disinterested. Right now I am more focused on a few other things. One of them being walking. A month here and I still don’t have this thing down. Damn it! There I go being all emo again! Stop it! No Sympathy Sue! No Sympathy Sue! Think of something that will get your mind off things. Something! Anything! “So...what was your cousin’s name again?” Yes! That’ll work. Focus on others and not myself.

“Ah thought ah told ya...His name’s Crab Apple, Ah would tell ya more, but ah’m guessing that ya know everythin’ about him already as well,” Applejack states, rolling her eyes.

“Actually no,” Applejack looks at me in confusion.

“Say what?” She asks. “Yer telling me that ya could raddle off the names of nearly everypony in the apple family, but ya never heard of Crab Apple?”

I so just want to blurt out that there wasn’t a ‘Crab Apple’ on the show, but I can’t do that. It was hard enough to explain the basics of multi-verse theory to Applejack. Explaining that they are nothing except T.V. characters would melt their brains. I need to think of something quick. “The Apple Family is huge. I am sure there are going to be a lot of Apples that I won’t remember off the top of my head. So seeing that I don’t know anything about your cousin, why not tell me a few things?”

The look on her face is priceless. There is a bit of disbelief, a dash of, ‘are you pulling my leg?’ and just a pinch of something that I can’t quite identify. “Well, alright. Crab Apple is from the lower part of Equestria on the south-eastern shores in a beach town called Hoofthorne. They grow a lot of oranges down that way,” She explains.

Aaaand here come the horse/pony puns. “‘Hoof’thorne, seriously? What sort of name is that? It’s so obscure...” I shake my head. Most likely it isn’t important. Though it has been a while since I’ve had any oranges. Last time I had one was back on the train. Thinking about this distracts me momentarily and I almost trip. “Ffffetlocks...”

Applejack looks at me. “What happened?”

“Nothing, I almost tripped,” I reply, correcting my walking pattern. “‘Cause ya know, hooves. So tell me more about him.”

Applejack rolls her eyes a bit. “Crab Apple is a bit...well ah guess the word to describe him is: Strange. While most of us Apples deal in some kinda orchard work, he’s more of an egghead.”

I blink and watch how Applejack is walking to get my walking back in order. “You say that like it’s a bad thing, A.J. What? Aren’t there any brilliant minds in your family?”

Applejack frowns at me. I really hope I haven’t struck a nerve here. “Hey! We might be country folk, but that don’t mean that-”

“I didn’t mean anything by it Applejack. I am sure that he is bright but there is something about him that is off putting and strangely eccentric.” Great. It’s a visit from the cousin that nobody likes to talk about. What am I going to get? The one that dresses in leather and has piercings? Do they even have ponies like that here?

“Uh, yeah pretty much. His parents think that he lacks discipline and send him here for a few days every year. Sometimes in the spring, but mostly in the summer. But ah got ta tell ya, he is on the weird side.” Applejack states.

When she says that, I can’t help but think of the strangeness of the people back home. The different quirks, abnormal behaviors, likes and down right disturbing customs. Seriously, I might miss being human, but we are a species with some serious mental issues. We did come up with things like the Rocky Horror Picture Show, Carebears, Pound Puppies, He-Man, the Rules of the Internet and of course, ‘Reality T.V.’...

“Yeah, sure, seriously A.J., how bad could he be?” My left hoof almost shoots up right to my mouth when I ask the question. What the hell?! Great, that question is the thing that is going to clinch this being a weird, awkward meeting. Not to mention that something is going to go horribly wrong.

Applejack looks at me strangely. “Ah know ah keep askin’ this, but is somethin’ the matter, H.B.?”

“Just having trouble walking again,” I reply, as we finally get to the Ponyville train station. I back up to the bench and sit down.

Applejack looks up at the large clock tower. “We’re makin’ good time, he’s due to arrive within the next five minutes!” She looks at me and rolls her eyes. “Ya’re still sitting funny, ya know that right?”

“It’s how I am comfortable sitting,” I reply. Well, comfortable for now. My tail is kinda being a pain in-where else-but the butt.
Applejack takes a deep breath. “Now, remember what ah told ya about ma family? Be on yer best behavior.”

“I know, Applejack.” she shoots me a look. “I mean, ‘Yes, ma’am. Applejack, ma’am.’” That might have sounded a little sarcastic. A follow up might be in order. “I will be on my best behavior.”

“Ah don’t mean ta drill this on ya at the last minute, it’s just that Crab Apple is at a young impressionable age.” Applejack looked at me. “And ah don’t mean that in any wrong way what-so-ever.”

“Didn’t think that you did,” I reply, grumbling.

“It’s just that the last thing ah need is a letter from his parents after he gets back home,” She states, looking at a small light in the distance. The train tracks start squealing as the train gets closer and closer. Growing up near a train track, it’s easy for me to know how far away that train is based on the stress sounds that the tracks are making.

“I get what you’re saying, Applejack. I’ll be good. Or at least I’ll try,” I reply, rolling my eyes. The screeching of wheels and the hiss of steam hit the air as the train comes to a rolling stop. I push myself up off the bench.

A good number of ponies start stepping off of the train. Most of them don’t really stand out. You’re generic pile of skittles pouring out of the bag ponies. A whole lot of colours.

Just then, a young colt steps off of the train and I feel my eye twitch. What has just stepped off the train has confirmed that, yes, I am in a universe based on cartoons. And I am pretty sure that my earlier remark was this particular universe’s way of saying, “Fuck You, H.B.!” For what has stepped out off the train appears to be a ponified version of Dib. Yeah, Dib from Invader Zim. Complete with a hook spiked mane and glasses. The only thing missing is the clothes. The reddish and green colt looks around and spies us.

“No fucking way is that-” And per troupe, Applejack kills my little hope about this not being her cousin by waving at him.

“Howdy Cousin!” She calls out, cheerfully smiling. The colt smiles and starts walking towards us.

“Well, that’s just fucking peachy. I didn’t want today to be boring anyway,” I think to myself, putting on a faux smile.

My Nightmare Begins

Chapter 30

My Nightmare Begins

Crab Apple stared out the window of the moving train. Ponyville was looking pretty much the same as it had for the past five years that his parents had sent him here. Same buildings, same streets, and he could swear that even the ponies here looked the same; like they were animation cycles that just went around and around.

“At least there is going to be a big event happening here this year!” He thought to himself. “And if I can talk AJ into letting me go, this trip won’t be a total waste of time.” His eye turned back to ponies outside of his window. “Look at them. They’re so lost in their own details that they never see the big picture to it all, how those little details add up to that big picture that they love so much.”

He grimaced and wondered if that actually made any sense. “Well, they don’t always see what I see,” he thought, his eye looking at his flank for a moment. There emblazoned on his the part of his coat where the green transitioned to pale red, was a wide open eye and a magnifying glass. A smile crept on his face as he remembered how he earned it.

As the train slowed down and came to a full stop, he could see his cousin Applejack standing on the platform waiting for him. A tan pony with a mane that looked like she had just crawled out of bed was standing next to her. They seemed to be talking about something. “Huh, I wonder who that is,” he commented. He couldn’t quite make out her mark from his vantage point. The only thing he could see of it was that it was black and harsh looking. He picked up his travel bags and stepped off of the train.

“Howdy, Cousin!” Applejack called out, waving.

Crab Apple straightened his saddle bags and walked up to Applejack. “Hi Applejack, how are you doing?” He asked.

“Ah’m doing mighty well, thanks for askin’,” Applejack replied. The tan mare was giving him a rather weirded out and strange look. Applejack coughed and rolled her eyes. “Crab Apple, this here is Heartbreak. She’s gonna stay with us for a while.”

“Well, uhm, nice to meet you,” Crab Apple said, greeting her with an outstretched hoof.

Heartbreak slowly reached back out to return the shake weakly. “Likewise,” she said with an odd look on her face. Almost like she was being forced to be nice. As she pulled her hoof away, he caught the sight of something odd...A glimmer of light that seemed to shine right through her hoof. He blinked in a bit of stunned silence.

“Well then!” Applejack interjected, breaking the awkwardly quiet moment. “We best be gettin’ back ta the farm, right? Ah got plenty of trees ta buck and ya got ta get settled in!”

Crab Apple looked at Heartbreak with a suspicious look as they started to walk back towards the farm. She was looking worried over something.

==============================================================

There has been one thing that has been running through my head from the moment that we have picked up Applejack’s cousin.

“He looks and sounds like Dib.” This of course, worries me to no end. The Dib character was a crazy and offbeat character who was often obsessively chasing after aliens. Throughout our entire walk here, he was looking at me funny. I just hope Crab Apple really isn’t like Dib. That could end badly for me, especially with the way that he keeps looking at me.
We arrive back at the house and I am fighting to keep myself calm. The colt just keeps looking at me! Gah, just stop it. Didn’t Applejack say that he comes here like once year? I’m new and different. That’s all, it’s nothing to worry about.

“Right then. Crab Apple, ya go about settin’ yerself up. H.B. has the guest bedroom right now, so one of ya can fight over who gets the bed and who gets the couch.”

“I’m fine with sleeping on the couch, Applejack.” I state. Really I am.

“Sweet!” Crab Apple says before going inside the house. I am about to follow when Applejack stops me.

“H.B., a word?” She asks. Great, just great, another lecture about behaving myself and not freaking out about things?! Can’t you give me a break, Applejack?! “Ah know ah gave ya a harsh time when ya first got here, and ah have been hammerin’ some points down this whole time, but there’s somethin’ ah want ya ta do fer me.”

I am finding myself rather confused at the words that are coming out of Applejack’s mouth. “Bw-what?”

“Big Mac and me need ta finish up our harvesting, and while ah was sure ah was able ta handle one extra pony,” she pauses looking at me. I cock my head in confusion. “Ah can’t really handle two ponies getting in the way of our work. Now, this is no offense ta ya, but we both know that yer not cut out for the work we do here.” She looks over my shoulder. “An’ neither is Crab Apple. But ah can’t bring maself ta tell him that. He gets enough hassle back at home. So what ah want ya ta do is wait fer him at the top of the hill an’ tell him that yer gonna be looking after him while me and mac-”

“Mac and I,” I correct. Applejack gives me a stern look. “Right, didn’t mean to...” I hear a faint, ‘fluttersqueak’ come from my lips.

“Right, like ah was saying. Macintosh and I, continue with the harvest.” Applejack finishes.

I can not reiterate how confused I am at this. Applejack is entrusting me with doing something? Something that though seems small, actually requires a bit of personal responsibility? “Y-you want me to b-b-b-foalsit him?” I ask. Apparently, being able to say, ‘babysit’ is too much to ask.

“Ah want ya ta look after him and keep him outta trouble.” She puts a hoof on my shoulder. “Ah’m entrustin’ you with this. Alright?”

I don’t know what to feel at this moment. On the one side, she feels that I am in the proper mental state to be trusted. On the other side, she’s entrusting me with something and that makes me feel a bit pressured not to screw up. On the other si- Oh fucking shut it brain! She’s trusting you to do something and it is something easy. Play it cool and you’ll be fine. “A-alright. Do we get lunch?”

“Of course ya get lunch!” Applejack says happily. “Ah’m not some kind of slave driver pony!”

“How about something to drink? I mean water is great and but I really like apple juice.” Oh shit, if I am going to ask for that, I’m going to need straws. “And some straws to go with it?” Applejack blinks. “Uhm, I mean if it isn’t too much trouble, please?”

Applejack smiles at me. “It ain’t any trouble at all there, H.B.”

==============================================================

Crab Apple rolled his eyes as he trudged up the hill. “Another year, another few days to a week of kicking a tree,” he muttered to himself. “Darn it! I should have asked her about what I wanted to do before I set my stuff down! Now I am going to have to wait for Celestia knows how long. I mean, if I’m lucky she’ll be here to give us lunch, but there could be just as much of a chance that it could be Big Mac...”

Reaching the top of the hill, he saw Heartbreak. The tan mare was lying in the grass awkwardly and staring at her hoof. The moment she saw him approach, she dropped it and gave a rather unnerved grin. “Uhm, so, hi again.”

“Yes. Hello again, Heartbreak,” Crab Apple replied.

She stood up. There was a gray shadow that cast over her face for a moment. “I know I was introduced by Applejack as ‘Heartbreak’, but please, call me, ‘H.B.’”

“H.B.?” Crab Apple asked.

She looked down. “I hate my name.” She took a deep breath and snorted. “So, did she tell you what you would be doing up here?”

Crab Apple rolled his eyes. “The same thing that I have been doing every year that I have been coming here? Well, I can’t say that. From time to time we leave the farm and go elsewhere. When she has the time, at least.” He positioned himself near a tree. “Aren’t you going to be helping me?”

Heartbreak rolled her eyes. “No, apparently I’m not cut out for farm work. I have too many disabilities. So I’m here to supervise.”

Crab Apple kicked the tree behind him. A good five or six apples fell from its branches. “That sounds like the excuse that adults give to be lazy.”

“Hey, I am not being lazy, I really do have disabilities. I have shaky hoof syndrome and just last month I uhm,” Heartbreak paused, “Drilled a hole through my hoof while under the influence of magic tea...”

Crab Apple looked horrified as he spied the hole in her right hoof. “Why would you drill a hole in your hoof?”

She bit her lip and rolled her eyes. “It seemed like a good idea at the time. And I don’t get it fixed via magical means because the tea was magic. And I don’t want any more magic in my system.”

“Why not? I mean that seems like the logical solution,” Crab Apple said, picking up the apples and putting them in a nearby basket.

“It was strange magic, any other magic entering my system could cause...flashbacks. Besides, where I’m from we rarely take the magical solution to things,” Heartbreak explained.

“Where you’re from?” Crab Apple blinked. “You’re not from Ponyville?”

“Right, Applejack didn’t tell you,” she waved her hoof a bit. “I am a foreign exchange student from a very distant part of Equestia.”

“How distant?” Crab Apple asked.

Heartbreak looked slightly annoyed. “Very distant and very isolated.”

Crab Apple finished picking up the apples. It almost felt like she was ducking and dodging his questions. “What’s it called?”

She paused and looked thoughtful. “Mineighsota.”

“Mineighsota? I’ve never heard of it,” he said positioning himself for another kick.

“Like I said, it’s very far away and isolated,” she replied. “But the lesson from that story is don’t do drugs and stay in school.”

Crab Apple frowned and kicked the tree behind him again. Another slew of apples fell from its bows and once again he began picking them. “Mineighsota? I have seen every map of Equestria possible and have never heard of that place!”

There were a few minutes of quiet that passed between the two ponies. Finally Heartbreak broke it. “So, ‘Crab Apple’?” She asked, cocking her head at the name.

Crab Apple frowned. “What about it?”

“It just seems like an odd name, that’s all,” Heartbreak said awkwardly.

“My full actual name is, ‘Crabulous Bartholomew Apple,’” he replied.

“That’s quite the mouthful of a name,” Heartbreak replied. “Still sounds better than mine.”

Crab Apple frowned. “What’s wrong with the name, ‘Heartbreak?’ At least you can shorten yours to, ‘Heart’ or ‘Break’. Me? I’m stuck with, ‘Crab.’”

She rolled her eyes. “Those aren’t any better. Besides, I don’t like, ‘Heart’ and who wants to be known as, ‘Break?’” She asked.

“Valid points. But, being tagged with the nickname, ‘Crabs’ or ‘Crabby’ isn’t any picnic either,” Crab Apple replied.

“At least you’re not hearing, ‘Lookout! Here comes a real Heartbreaker!’” Heartbreak said mockingly.

“No, I’m just hearing, ‘How ya doing there, Crabby? Huh Huh Huh! Can’t you take a joke? Don’t pinch me bro!’” Crab Apple retorted.

Heartbreak put on a rather derping face. “‘Awe, come on! Don’t go breaking my heart!’”

Crab Apple countered with “We all ate here, Crab Apple! Stop being such a penny pincher!”

Heartbreak looked like she was fighting to say something for a moment but then shook her head. “Look, I would rather not have an argument about who has the worst name-slash-nickname. They are most likely equally awful.” She paused. “Why don’t you tell me a little about yourself?”

“Why? I’m only going to be here for less than a week and then we will most likely never see each other again,” Crab Apple replied.

“Cause bucking apple trees is boring and I have nothing to do but ‘supervise’ you,” Heartbreak replied. She rolled her eyes a bit. “Plus I would rather get to know you rather than just be some sort of stranger watching you buck apples. And that feels just downright creepy.”

“Well, alright. But I am warning you, I am interested in some rather strange things,” Crab Apple replied.

“I’m sure that I have seen stranger things,” Heartbreak replied.

“Well, I live on an orange orchard in a town called Hoofthorn. They are pretty well known for practically everything dealing with oranges and citrus fruits. A subject that I know so well that it bores me to tears.” Crab Apple started.

“I like oranges. Particularly blood oranges.” Heartbreak interjected randomly. Crab Apple cocked his head at her. “Uhm, right, didn’t mean to interrupt, please continue.”

“Well, as you can tell,” he displayed his flank to her. “I’m not really interested in oranges or fruits or the like.” Heartbreak only made a slight glance at the mark and then looked away. “I am more into investigation! Discovering what others have never discovered! Probing for answers that are waiting to be found. It was actually this inquisitive nature of mine that helped me discover a yet unknown species of snake that lived in the swampy areas of Hoofthorn. There were many rumors about its existence, but few had ever actually taken the time to look for it. The species of snake was so rare that it was thought to be an urban legend or even a myth. Kinda like, ‘Bighoof’ or a few other species that fall under a subject that I have recently found interesting: ‘Cryptozology’. ”

Heartbreak nodded her head. There was a strange look on her face as if she didn’t quite believe what he was talking about, but at the same time Crab Apple blinked. Nopony had ever actually wanted to listen to him talk about his interests before. Most all of them would hijack the conversation by now with their own interests and try to tell him that he was speaking nonsense. “You aren’t done are you?”

The question bowled him over a little. “You really want to listen me talk about this subject?”

“We’ve barely had a conversation here, and thus far like I said before. It beats watching you buck apples.” She replied.
Crab Apple looked around like he was expecting something to fall on his head. “Well...if you are really interested,”

==============================================================

‘Mineighsota!’ Ha! I was being a clever pony right? Maybe, well, maybe not. Shut up brain. That’s what we told Crab Apple and now it’s too late to change it. Ugh, that name. Crab Apple. Who names their kids ‘Crab Apple?!’ So diminutive and insulting.

‘Crab Apple’ has spent the last hour or so telling me his fascination with what I am going to call, ‘Equestrian Cryptozoology.’ And some of this stuff might actually be real, but some of it? I’m not really buying. I mean, ‘Big Hoof?’ Bigfoot parody. And while the Bigfoot of my world might not exist, there is a better chance that this ‘Big Hoof’ does. After all, this is Equestria we’re talking about. However, this is keeping my mind off of my own troubles.
In between kicks and picking up of apples, he talked about invisible serpents that live in bogs and swamps, horrible nightmarish beasties that hunted ponies down, and about a dozen other creatures that I didn’t really catch. There are a few tidbits about his home life. He has a typical family, mother, father and sister, but they seem to neglect him quite a bit. The more I listen to him. The more and more this colt is sounding like Dib.

“So, I try telling my dad about what I saw, but he told me that he was in the middle of perfecting his brand new toast,” Crab Apple says. That cements it. “And I say to him-”

“Hey Crab Apple?” I interject.

“Yeah?” He spirts.

“Stop talking for a second,” I say looking at him.

His face droops. “Darn it, this always happens, I’ve over-talked about-”

“Whoa, hold up.” I put my hooves forward. “I’ve actually enjoyed listening to you talk. It’s been rather entertaining. It’s just I was thinking about something.”

“Uhm, what’s that, H.B.?” He asks. I’m impressed. Even after that whole mostly one sided conversation, he remembered to call me, ‘H.B.’ and not Heartbreak.

“Your name,” I start.

“What about it?” he asks.

“It doesn’t suit you. And I am sure that you know that. But, I was thinking of a better nickname for you. And I think I have one,” I really hope the universe doesn’t punish me for this.

“Really? Nothing crab related?” he asks excitedly.

Alright, here goes nothing. “No, not at all. I think a better name for you is, ‘Dib.’”

“Dib?” He asks me.

“Yeah. Dib. It’s short, simple and doesn’t have anything to do with crabs or pinching.” Oh please like it. That would be so awesome. Crap, I think my internal fanboy/girl/whatever is trying to do something.

“Dib...” He looks thoughtful. “Dib!” He waves his hooves in the air. “Hey, Dib! Hmmm.”

I look away “Keep in mind it was just a thought.”

“I’m fine with that,” ‘Dib’ replies.

“Well, it’s going to be what I am going to call you. I mean, if you’re okay with that.” I poke the ground with my hoof.

He smiles. “Yeah, I can live with that. One of these days I’ll get my name changed anyway.”

I look at him and blink. “You can get your name changed?”

He cocks his head and prepares for another kick to the tree. “Yeah, of course. What? Do you think that ponies are stuck with the names that their parents tag on them forever? You can get your name changed. It just requires a great deal of paperwork and red tape.” He lands another kick on the tree. Just before he starts picking up the apples that have landed, he pauses. “H.B.?”

“Yeah?” I ask.

“If you could change your name, what would it be?” He inquires.

==============================================================

Heartbreak blinked and looked at Crab Apple. The look on her face seemed like that of a pony who had not even considered the possibility of what he had just asked.

“H.B.?” He asked, interrupting the drawn out silence.

“Uhm, huh, I-I’ve never thought about it,” she replied.

Crab Apple looked confused. After all, they had just spent some time griping about how they hated the puns that could be bounced off their names. “Well if you did, what would it be?”

H.B. + A.J.

Chapter 31

H.B. + A.J.

Heartbreak ground her hoof thoughtfully. “I...uhm... give me a second.” She frowned and opened her mouth, but almost closed it right away.

“Take your time, though I would have thought that you would have had a name ready and waiting when you turned eighteen,” Crab Apple said, sitting down. “You don’t mind if I take a break do you?”

“Go right ahead.” She rested her chin on her hoof. “Things work differently in the great white Mineighsota, Dib.” Rubbing her hooves against her head, she muttered to herself. Finally her eyes fluttered open. “I got it. My name would be-” Just then her face went blank and her voice became monotone. “Heartbreak.” Heartbreak blanched and she covered her mouth.

Crab Apple blinked in confusion. “What? Oh, I get it, nice joke. Ha!” He looked back at her. “ Now, really what new name would you choose?”

She stood up and grimaced. “My name would be, -Heartbreak-!” She covered her mouth and frowned.

“Alright, the first time was funny, the second time is just plain weird,” Crab Apple said. “Really what-”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” Heartbreak said growling and walking towards the water trough.

“Are you ok, H.B.?” Crab Apple asked.

“It’s nothing, Dib! I’m fine!” Heartbreak shouted.

“Was it-” Crab Apple started.

Heartbreak didn’t even turn around to look at the young colt. “I’ll be fine! Just leave me alone right now!” She shouted.

Crab Apple looked at the place between the trees where he could see Heartbreak leaning against the water trough. She seemed really upset over something, but he wasn’t sure what. “Was it something I said?” Just then he heard the sound of rushed hoof beats and tinkling glass bottles. Turning, he saw Applejack nearly trotting up the hill.

“Ah heard yellin’ is everythin’ alright up here?” She asked in concern.

Crab Apple frowned and blinked. “I,” he paused and looked towards where Heartbreak had gone. “-don’t know. We were talking about my favorite subject, cryptozoology, and then she told me that she was going to start calling me, ‘Dib.’ I asked her if she could change her name what it would be and then, just out of the blue, she got really upset and told me that she needed to be alone! I mean-”

“That’s enough there, sugar.” Applejack took a deep breath and put down the basket and drinks that she had brought for lunch. “Look, Ah’ll have a talk with her and get this sorted out.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Crab Apple asked. “I mean, I didn’t do anything wrong, did I?”

“Nah, ya just start in on yer lunch. And ah’m sure that ya didn’t do anything wrong. Heartbreak is just the sensitive type,” Applejack replied, starting to walk to the watering trough.

“H.B.” Crab Apple corrected her as he sat down and peered into the lunch basket.

“Right, H.B.,” Applejack replied. “Ah’ll go talk to her. You stay here.”

==============================================================

An angry snort comes out of my nose as I glared at my reflection in the water trough. “Of all things, really? You had to do this? Did you all just have to suck out any form of enjoyment I could have had here? Do I need this beaten into my head that I am a prisoner here every day?!”

My reflection doesn’t describe how I feel about this right now. I feel like someone poured salt into an already open wound. My reflection looks like a pouty little pony who just wants another fucking snow cone.

I can’t be mad at Dib in this. After all, neither one of us knew that this would happen. It was totally out of the blue. And there was no sense in me getting upset at him. Still, I am not doing myself any favors by acting like that. No doubt he’s wondering what the fuck he did or what he could do to help. My eyes come back to the reflection in the water trough. I can’t stand to look at that face right now. Frustratedly I strike at the water and bite my lip to stifle a scream.

“Whoa now!” Turning I see Applejack. “Are ya alright?”

A small twinge crawls over my face. “Yes, no, maybe, I don’t know.”

“Ah know ya might be,” she turned her head to look back where Crab Apple was sitting, “Foreign to these parts, but even ah know a pony in distress.”

I bite down on my lip. “I’m fine Applejack, I just need a little time to calm down and figure something out,” I reply. Of course what I wanted to ask was where this attitude of sympathy was yesterday morning, but I know better.

“Come on now, what did ah say about being honest?” She asks, walking a bit closer. Ugh, that Hallmark quote about, ‘being honest with yourself so you can be honest with others,’ is kinda burning at me. I don’t want to say anything that could agitate either of us. She lets out a long sigh. “If ya don’t tell me what’s wrong, and ya suffer for it, then yer gonna suffer in silence. Alone.” She walks past me while staring forward. “An’ ya know what? Ah think that’s what -they- want ya ta do.” She looks back at me. “Crab’s brought up somethin’ about,” her voice lowered to a hushed tone, “Names.”

I take a deep breath and bury my face on my arm. “It’s nothing, Applejack. Nothing believable, nothing normal, and just one more thing to toss on the pile of, ‘parting gifts.’”

I can hear the growl in Applejack’s voice. “Darn it! Another one?! What’s it this time?”

I look over at her worriedly. “Please, Applejack, keep it down. I am very upset about this but....” peering through the spaces in the trees I can see, ‘Dib’ happily munching away at lunch. “I don’t want him to hear our conversation.”

Applejack looks down and then nods in agreement. “Ah’m sorry there, H.B. But it’s really burning me up! How could anypony, let alone those who ya were involved with be so cruel?” She asks in a more hushed voice.

“I wish I knew. I really do,” I reply.

She looks at me with concern. “What is it this time?”

I trace my hoof on the surface of the water in the trough. “I,” I can hardly believe me in what I am going to say. “I can’t change my name.”

Applejack gives me a confused look. “Say what?”

“Your cousin asked me if I could change my name, what it would be. And I couldn’t change it,” I explain. She gives me a questioning look. “I knew you wouldn’t believe me.”

“Now hold up, ah didn’t say that ah didn’t believe you,” she starts. “It’s just that ah’m confused about what cha mean by this.”

“Alright, ask me the question he asked me. ‘If I could change my name what would I change it to?’” She once again gives me a strange look. “Just humor me and try it.”

“Alright, if ya could change yer name what would it be?” She asks me.

And almost instantly it’s like my brain is put on automatic. A horrible monotone voice comes out of my mouth and utters a response. “Heartbreak.”

“Uhhh,” She looks at me questionably again.

“See? That sounds totally unbelievable, and it isn’t that I couldn’t think of any other name, it’s that no other name would come out. It’s like I have Tourettes Syndrome,” I say, sighing.

“You have Tourettes Syndrome?” Asks Crab Apple.

“Yes I,- Gah!” I shout. He looks at the both of us confused. “Uhm. Hey Dib, how long have you been standing there?”

“Only long enough to hear that you have Tourettes Syndrome. Which, I can understand why you were upset now. It’s not like many ponies talk about it,” He said.

“Uhm, what’s Tourettes Syndrome?” Applejack asked.

“It’s an inherited neuropsychiatric disorder with onset in foalhood that is characterized by multiple physical tics and at least one vocal tic. These tics characteristically wax and wane, can be suppressed temporarily, and are preceded by a premonitory urge,” Dib explains in startling detail. I think the both of us must be staring at him blankly. “Uhm, there’s a colt at school that everypony calls, ‘Glitches,’ who has it. I sometimes talk to him because,well, nopony else will.”

I eye Applejack. “Yup, that’s what I have.” I elbow her slightly to signal that we should play along with this.

“Oh! Ah had no idea! No wonder yer so sensitive about it! Ah’m terribly sorry that-” she begins.

“It’s no biggy, Applejack. Really, I don’t like talking about it. It doesn’t hinder me in any way other than my speech.” Another mundane lie to cover up a fantastic truth. At least this one works.

“So, are we all going to have lunch together? Eating by myself just kind of seems wrong,” Dib says, looking at the both of us.

“Uhm, yeah! Sure!” I practically blurt out.

“That’s what ah brought it up here fer,” Applejack replies.

The three of us walk to the basket and juice bottles. As we sit down and start to eat, I feel a little normal again. Right now, I’m okay with this comfortable lie, but I am getting an odd look from Applejack. I think we’re going to have another, ‘talk’ later.

==============================================================

Crab Apple and HB spent the rest of the evening picking up more apples and talking. He was doing most of the talking again while she just listened with some random interjection here and there. After a few more hours, it was time for dinner.
His cousin Applebloom was absent, which he was perfectly fine with. The last few visits he had to endure her constant babbling about her wanting her cutie mark. Along with the other two fillies that she hung out with, it was enough to make him want to rip his mane out.

“Well, like always, that was a good meal, Applejack,” Heartbreak said, rubbing her stomach. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to go get my bags from upstairs and bring them to the living room.”

Applejack looked at Heartbreak. “Ya mind also takin’ a shower? Ya might not have worked as hard as the rest of us, but still...”

Heartbreak looked down and around. “Uhm, I don’t smell terribly bad do I?” She didn’t wait for a response. “You’re probably right, A.J. Back home, I would take a shower almost everyday.”

Crab Apple looked over at Heartbreak. “What’s Mineighsota like anyway?”

“I’ll tell you about that later, Dib. Right now, shower time,” she said, getting up from the table.

Crab Apple waited until she left the dining room and turned to Applejack. “She seems really nice.”

Applejack rolled her eyes as she started to put the dishes away. “Ah guess she can be.”

“A.J., I was wondering,” Crab Apple started. “If I could ask you something.”

A small chill went through Applejack. She hoped that her cousin hadn’t heard more of the conversation than he actually had claimed to. “Uhm, what’s that?”

“Well, there is an event that is taking place here in Ponyville that I have been wanting to go to,” Crab Apple continued. “And before you begin, I know that both you and Big Mac are really busy.”

“An’ ya were wondering if ya could go by yerself,” Applejack sighed. “Look Crab Apple, as much as you think that you’re a full grown adult, yer still-”

“I know that I’m not a full adult, and I wasn’t suggesting that I go by myself.” He looked to the side. “I was just wondering if maybe, H.B. could take me.” Applejack jerked slightly and almost dropped a dish that she was holding. “Is there something wrong?”

“Ah, no. Well, sorta. H.B. is kinda new to Ponyville and being where she’s from, she hasn’t really had time to...uhm adjust ta bein’ around the other ponies here, cous’,” Applejack said clumsily.

Crab Apple looked at his cousin. “She seems perfectly fine to me, A.J.”

Applejack turned away. “Ah’m just not so sure that she should be wonderin’ around Ponyville unsupervised is all.”

“You had her, ‘unsupervised,’ with me for pretty much all day, Applejack.” Crab Apple looked over her shoulder. “What’s the big deal now?”

“There’s no big deal, it’s just that H.B. has a few social problems is all.” Applejack said grasping for reasons.

“Is she socially awkward and a little weird?” He asked.

“Well, yeah,” Applejack replied.

“Then the event that I want her to take me to is perfect for a pony like her! It’s a gathering of socially awkward and weird ponies!” Crab Apple replied.

“And what are y'all gonna be doing at this, ‘unnamed event?’” Applejack asked.

“What normal ponies do at most gatherings, play games, maybe sing songs, tell stories and share our common interests!” Crab Apple replied.

“That just sounds like a normal party ta me there, Crab Apple.” she shook her head. “What makes this little get-together so special?”

“Well, that’s hard to explain, I guess it’s because we’re all pretty enthusiastic about our shared interest,” he replied rubbing his chin with his hoof.

“And that interest would be?” Applejack asked.

“Uhm, obscure equestrian mythological creatures!” Crab Apple said enthusiastically.

“So, it’s like some club of sorts?” Applejack asked.

“Yup!” He replied.

“Ah don’t know,” Applejack said.

Crab Apple looked up at his cousin pleadingly. “Please?”

“Well...” She started.

“It’ll give you an excuse to have her off the farm, out of your mane, and experiencing Ponyville. I mean for an exchange student, she sure seems like a shut-in,” Crab Apple commented.

Applejack sighed. “Ah’ll ask her about it. Ah need ta have a talk with her as it is about a few things.”

Crab Apple shook his hooves in excitement. “Yes!”

“Don’t get yer hopes up too much. It is still up to her on whether or not ya two go ta this club gathering of yers,” Applejack stated.

==============================================================

Like always, a shower did me good. I’m really surprised that Applejack does have indoor hot and cold running water. I mean I shouldn’t be, but the farm from the show always struck me as rather rustic.

I pull one of the towels off the towel rack with my mouth and attempt to whip it atop my head. It takes me a few times. “I ought to shower more. Maybe just practice trying to flip things on my head like I saw them do on the show.” Once the towel is on my head I use my ankles to clumsily dry my mane.

Turning, I see the mare in the mirror again. I still fail to see why the, ‘wet mane,’ look was so appealing. I glare at her momentarily and then frown. “No! Don’t go all emo-angst on that image! Do something else!” On a whim I go with that thought. I stick my tongue out at her and blow a raspberry. She of course does the same, but at least it is something different.

“H.B-” Applejack’s voice interrupts my goofiness. A random ‘pffft!’ manages to escape my lips before she stares at me. “Uhm, are ya havin’ fun there?”

I quickly tug the towel off my head and put it on my tail. “Uhm, noo, I was just sick of looking at, ‘depressio’ in the mirror over there.”

“Depressio?” She asks me.

“Never mind,” I reply, attempting to blot my tail dry with the towel in my mouth. After a moment of awkward silence, I notice that Applejack is still standing there. “Is there something you want?”

“Well actually yes, ah was hoping that ah could invite ya ta sit outside with me fer a spell,” she asks me.

I keep rubbing the towel on my tail in various ways. Good grief! This thing holds a great deal of water! “After I have just gotten done with a shower?”

“Well, the two of us still need ta talk about a few things, get some things straightened out and made a bit more clear.” Great, it’s going to be a lecture outside. “An’ ah thought a bit of time alone near the old campfire. Just you, me and some marshmellas fer roasting.”

I feel my ears perk up at the mentioning of a campfire. “Uhm, well-”

“Ah could tell ya that it is a, ‘required assignment,’ if need be, H.B.” she says, tilting her head and giving me a look. “But ah’d rather not.” she pulls out a bag of marshmallows and shakes them at me.

I look at the marshmallows and warm thoughts of camping as a child pop into my head. I find myself caving pretty easily now. “Fine, it’s not like I have anything better to do,” I reply and walk out of the bathroom aside Applejack.

Crab Apple’s head pops out from over the couch. “Oh! Marshmallows! Can I come?”

I give Applejack a questioning look. After all, this was something that she wanted to talk together alone. “Actually, it’s gettin’ around yer bed time there, Crab Apple.”

He groans and sighs. “Ah, come on!”

“An’ we’re just gonna be talking about a few things. Plus ah’m not sure ya should be up too late. Besides,” she puts a hoof over my shoulder and looks at me. “Ah was hoping ta have some bondin’ with H.B. of ma own. Ya can come next time. Right now the two of us need some good old’ fashion girl on girl time.” Hearing that phrase come out of Applejack’s mouth makes me blanch and I practically squirm from her grasp to get out of the house.

Of Mice and Mares

Chapter 32

Of Mice and Mares.

Once we get out of the house I can feel my face twitch. “Applejack?”

“Somethin’ the matter?” She asks.

“Yeah, please don’t ever say those words again.” I feel my stomach turn a little. Not as much as when she was suggesting that I was trying something with her brother, but still.

“Uhm, what words and why?” She asks. I pause as we walk away from the house and towards what appears to be a smoldering fire pit. “Well? What words?”

“Right, I should tell you what words,” I mutter, unnerved.

“That would be mighty helpful,” she replies, still walking.

I dash to catch up with her. “Uhm, well. Uhm, ‘girl on girl time.’”

“Huh? Why? What’s wrong with that?” She asks me. “That’s what we’re doing, sitting an’ talking and sharing some girl on girl time.”

“Where I’m from, it means something else. Something a bit...wrong,” I reply.

“Wrong? How in tarnation could that be wrong?” She asks me as we get to the pit.

“Geeze, for somep-p-pony that knows what hanky-panky means, you are sure clueless about this,” I reply, sitting on a nearby log.

Applejack blinks and looks a bit mortified for a second. “Wait, ya don’t mean-”

“Just figuring it now, A.J.?” I hate to admit this, but there is a tiny part of me that is enjoying this a little too much. Even more so when I see Applejack’s squicked out face. “You see how that can make me feel uncomfortable, right?”

She frowns at me. “How’s about we change the subject?”

“I would like that, thank you,” I reply.

Near one of the logs there are small bundles of what look to be, ‘starter bundles,’: small dry twigs and shavings of various wood. She tosses it into the fire pit. She then picks up a brown paper bag and looks inside it. “Well shoot, looks like ah got ta get me some more birch bark.”

“For fire starting?” I ask. “After all nothing starts any fire quicker than birch bark.”

“Uhm, yeah,” She gives me an odd look. “Ya know a lot about starting fires?”

“I went camping and we used to have outdoor fires when I was a-” I want to say, ‘kid.’ After all, they have said it before on the show. But I can already feel the word, ‘filly,’ forming in my mouth. “When I was young.” Applejack doesn’t respond but is busy blowing on the tinder pile to get the coals hot enough. Before long there is the sweet smell of charing birch bark followed by the foosh of a flame. She then proceeds to pull out some marshmallow skewers. I am sure all of this preparation is meant to be part of, ‘bonding time with H.B.,’ but the suspense on what she wants to talk about is starting to get to me. Looking around, I take note of the dead quiet that seems to permeate everything. “So!” I look at her seriously. “What do you want to talk to me about?”

She looks up at me. “Ya want ta get ta the heart of the matter eh?” Her ankle is wrapped in the best way that I can guess that any single hooved creature can use to hold thin metal skewers. Adorning these are the marshmallows, three to a skewer. Apparently she put them on while I was distracted.

“How did you-” I begin. However if I try to understand pony physics and the like, the both of us will be here all night. And really, I would like to get some sleep tonight. “Never mind. Yes, I would like to get to the-” my face droops. “Heart of the matter? Ha-ha. Really funny,” I remark, rubbing my face.

“Uhm, heh. Ah didn’t mean ta-” she starts. I just roll my eye and sigh before waving my hoof dismissively. “Uhm, right. Gettin’ ta the real reason ah brought ya out here.” Here it comes. A lecture, a talking to about something, I bet she didn’t like the fact that I had her help me lie to her cousin about things. “Ah think ya showed some real progress taday with ma cousin.”

I really need to stop assuming bad things about these ponies. Looking down, I rub my hoof against my ankle. “I see a lot of myself in him when I was younger. He’s easy to relate to and seems to go on about some rather interesting topics.”

“Ah’m glad ya feel that way about him.” Uh-oh. That feels like a windup for something. “Cause, ah was wondering if ya could take him ta some event here in Ponyville that he’s wantin’ ta go to.”

I look at her questioningly. “You want me to take your cousin out somewhere?”

“It’s some sort’a club like event that he’s inta an’ ah was wondering if ya could.” Again, this isn’t really sinking in. “However.”

There we go, there’s the catch to all this. The strings that are attached. “However?” I ask.

“However, Ah’m not sure I still trust ya quite yet,” she says, putting the marshmallows near the fire.
I roll my eyes and sigh. “I can guess why too.” I look up at her. “Was it because I had you help me lie to your cousin about my, ‘condition?’”

“There’s that, but it’s not just that one little cover up. Ah had to tell a lie ta Big Mac regarding how ya knew about his doll.” She looks at me seriously. “Not ta mention all the little lies that ya have been spouting out here.”

I feel a little cornered and slightly insulted by what she is insinuating. “I didn’t have a cover story when I came here, Applejack.” I force myself to sound as neutral as possible.

She doesn’t look at me but continues to toast the marshmallows. “That might be something ya might want ta think about. After all, ponies are going to be curious about those things. Where yer’ from, what ya do, how ya got yer cutie mark, who yer family is-”

Each point by point thing feels kinda like a dagger in my heart. Little reminders about what each implies. “A.J. please!”

She looks up at me. “Ah’m just trying ta help. If ya don’t think about these things and make them up on the fly, yer just gonna tangle yerself up in a web of lies.”

“Fine, I’ll give it some thought.” I roll my eyes. “Now what does this have to do with me taking your cousin out somewhere?”

“Well, that all boils down to the whole, ‘trust,’ issue.” She pulls one of the marshmallows off the skewer and munches it happily. “How can ah trust a pony that ah know nothin’ about? At least nothin’ that is actually true.” I open my mouth to speak but she puts up a hoof before chewing and swallowing her marshmallow. “Ah know that there are a good number of things that you’ve said that are true but there are things that ah can tell are just outright lies. And call me old fashioned, but that just ain’t the way to build trust.”

I try to think about how to approach this. It’s too easy for me to fall into the trap of being snide and angsty, and I don’t want to do that. There is a part of me that wants to just say something horribly bitter, but another part that is fighting against it. After all, Applejack has a point and these are things that are bothering me. If I am going to build a life, I can’t build it on lies. That’s when I feel something rather unpleasant. My flank feels like it is writhing, almost burning.

“Ya alright there, sugarcube?” She asks. I must not be able to hide my feelings too well in all this.

“I’m just fine, A.J.” Darn it, if I just stop there and don’t explain anything, she’s going to give me a talk about being honest again. “It’s just the mark. It’s not a real cutie mark. It’s a branding. It still hurts sometimes. And I don’t want it looked at because ...” quick come up with something plausible. “I don’t like doctors and I don’t think Twilight should be messing around with it.” Yes! That sounds good!

She offers me a toasted marshmallow. “Well, alright then. Look, ah ain’t askin’ ya ta tell me everythin’, but there are three things that have been botherin’ me. Give me answers to these three things, an’ ya’ll have trust enough fer me ta let ya go out inta Ponyville,” she looks up at me, “Unsupervised.”

==============================================================

Applejack waggled the marshmallow at Heartbreak. She was a stubborn one and this whole conversation felt rather forced and overall was just plain awkward. She sat to the right of Applejack with a, ‘are you serious?’ look on her face.

“Really A.J.,” She started. “This feels like you’re treating me like a f-f-filly. I’m an adult, and I should be able to go wherever I want to without supervision.”

“Yer an adult who’s been through a seriously messed up situation,” Applejack replied. “An’ ya have a bad habit of actin’ like a filly. Now, ah want an answer and all ah’m just askin’ fer some clarification on three things.” Applejack looked at Heartbreak. “Will ya give me that?”

Heartbreak’s face twitched a little and she looked down. “I’m not sure I’m ready.”

“Alright, I can understand that,” Applejack replied. “Dern it! Not even marshmallers will get her ta open up. Maybe it’s time ta bring out the big guns in all this...” Applejack pulled out her bag of graham crackers and chocolate bars. Heartbreak’s eyes almost instantly shot to the bag and went wide.

“Is that chocolate?” she asked.

“Bingo,” Applejack smiled. “Eeyup. And graham crackers.” She looked up at Heartbreak. “Do they got s'mores where yer from?”

“Actually, uhm, yes. Yes they do,” She replied.

“Huh, s’mores must be one of them common things among all the apples, eh?” Applejack asked, nudging at the inside joke. She then started to put a s’more together. Heartbreak looked like she was trying to fight the urge to watch her.

“Y-y-yes, I guess they are,” She replied, her hooves wagging on the ground.

Applejack took a bite of her creation and then gobbled up the rest. “Ya know,” she said through the gooey, chocolatey, crunchy mess, “Ah could make ya one.” She then swallowed. “If ya were ta go along with this whole thing.”

Heartbreak’s eye twitched and she glared at Applejack. “Applejack! Seriously? You’re resorting to bribing me with,” she paused as Applejack licked a bit of melted chocolate off her hoof, “S’mores?!”

Applejack looked over at the tan little pony. “Is it working?”

Heartbreak pulled back and bit her lip. She proceeded to grimace and opened her mouth as to say something before looking like she was about to screech. Finally her face drooped down and she glared at Applejack. “Yes,” she muttered quietly.

“Then do we have a deal here?” Applejack asked, putting out her hoof for a shake.

She looked away ashamed of herself. “Yes, but I feel the need to warn you. The truth isn’t always a beautiful thing, A.J.” Heartbreak returned the shake. “I can’t believe I’m caving for a s’more. You know this will only work once right?”

“Ah don’t expect ah’ll get away with this again. So, let’s start with the graham cracker,” Applejack said. “First thing that has been bugging me. When ya say, ‘fet,’ or ‘fetlocks,’ ya aren’t really trying ta say what ya told ma brother are ya?”

Heartbreak looked down and thought about it. “You already know that my language was altered, that’s just a side effect of not being able to use actual profanity.”

Applejack blinked. “Yer tryin’ ta use profanity?”

Heartbreak looked at her frowning. “That counts as a question you know. But, where I’m from, it isn’t really a big thing. I mean you’re told not to use it in front of f-f-foals, but really, they’re just words.”

Applejack nodded. “That’s-” she paused. Swearin’ and cussin’ weren’t promoted and generally frowned upon here as well. But there was a look of fear on Heartbreak’s face. Fear of being judged again. “-Different. Let’s move ta the marshmaller.”

“A question for Rarity,” Heartbreak interjected.

“Huh? Oh! Yeah...heh, just don’t let her hear that. Right, next question. There is at least some truth in the things ya tell us, right?” She asked.

“That seems like a rather soft question compared to the first one, Applejack. But technically, if you were to think about it, there is a bit of truth there. But,” she looked thoughtful, “I have had to,” she paused, looking for the words, “Colour it for everyp-p-pony else. So there is truth there. Technically speaking that is.”

“Alright. Ah can live with that answer.” Applejack narrowed her eyes at Heartbreak. “Fer now. Technically don’t cover a lot of things. But let’s move to the final question. Fer the chocolate.”

“Alright,” Heartbreak said. “Do your worst.”

“Why were ya droolin’ over ma pigs?” Applejack asked.

Suddenly Heartbreaks’ face drooped and she started to fidget. “Right...that, uhm well...” she traced her hoof on the ground. She opened her mouth and raised a hoof only to close it. She then opened again. “Look uhm... it’s like...right...” She said, continuing to fidget. Then a spark went off in her eyes. “Right, I’ll tell you but I need some brown paper bags.”

“Brown paper bags?” Applejack asked.

“Just humor me.” Heartbreak looked at Applejack rather desperately. “Please? And could you please put them over my hooves?”

Applejack frowned. She took the two bags that once held the birch bark and the graham crackers and placed them over Heartbreak’s hooves. The two bags kind of danced and twitched around. Heartbreak frowned and then started biting and shaping them a bit with her mouth.

“Hey now! I’m going ta need at least one of them bags back!” Applejack said.

“I’m being careful...” Once done the two bags now looked more like vague animal shapes. “Right, this is a story about a cat.”

“Beg yer pardon?” Applejack asked.

“Look you said that you would humor me, right? And this is the best way that I can think of explaining the answer to your question, alright?!” Heartbreak said, almost shouting.

Applejack looked at her questioningly. “Alright, continue on then.”

Heartbreak made the cat-shaped bag dance about. “Right, once there was this cat, and he was a great mouser. He lived on a farm and protected his barn quite well. He was strong and fierce. With a tabby coat and sharp claws, he made sure that his farmer’s grain was always safe.”

Applejack pulled the marshmallows away from the fire. They were nicely roasted now.

“Well, one day a wild cat looking to expand his territory, tried coming into the barn to stake his claim over it. Well our cat, let’s call him Tom...no...Jerry? Dang it...Albert! Yes. Albert.”

“Albert’s the name of the wild cat?” Applejack asked, confused.

“No, Albert is the name of the barn cat,” Heartbreak corrected. “Right, Albert wasn’t going to have any of this. The two of them got into a horrible fight, a fight that Albert was able to win, but just barely. The wild cat ran away and vowed to come back another day. Leaving Albert to lick his wounds. A few weeks passed and Albert was sitting atop his barn, watching for that ferocious wild cat. Little did Albert know, the wild cat was a bit more stealthy than he, and he slipped right into the barn and started nosing around-”

“Ah hate ta interrupt this yarn, ‘cause it is a pretty decent story, but what does this have ta do with-” Applejack started.

“I’m getting to it!” Heartbreak exclaimed. “Now, the wild cat was snooping around looking for any tasty mice upon which to pounce. He looked high and low and didn’t see anything. But just as he was about to give up, he spotted a plump juicy little mouse in the far corner of the barn. The wild cat silently crept up near the unsuspecting mouse, getting closer, and closer and closer still. His haunches wiggled as he waited for the right moment. And just as he was about to strike!” Heartbreak paused for a dramatic effect. “Albert came in and tackled the wild cat! The two of them once again went into a flurry of fur, fangs, claws and blood! Once again, Albert was able to throw the wild cat of out his barn and save the day.” Heartbreak looked around. “That would be the end of the story, had it not been for our mouse. You see, that wasn’t any ordinary mouse. No, it was the Queen of the Mice that Albert had just inadvertently saved. And she was very grateful. So grateful that she wanted to thank Albert. So every night she would offer a mouse up as a sacrifice to the cat god!”

Applejack looked horrified. “Wha-She did?!”

Heartbreak snirked. “Of course not Applejack, that would be a terrible story. No, she wanted to thank him appropriately. But cats don’t understand the language of mice you see. However, the Queen of the Mice, being who she was could easily fix that. So one night she gathered her small kingdom of mice and lead them to Albert’s barn. There, sleeping on his bed of hay and straw was the great hero, Albert the Cat. The Queen made a long winded speech about the heroics of this cat before walking up to the sleeping predator. She then caressed his chin in a tender way and planted a kiss upon his nose.”

Applejack hated to admit it, but she was starting to really get into this story. Something about the firelight, the smoke and the warm smell of marshmallows really added to the atmosphere.

“And that’s when he woke up. The mice in the room all went quiet. For while Albert was a great hero, he was also a great mouser. He looked around sleepily and saw a throng of mice all in his barn! His stomach growled at him, demanding to be fed! Almost instantly, all the mice in the room started to scatter! Left, right, up walls, down drain pipes! Every which way that was away from the hungry cat! Albert took one look at all of this and almost instantly pounced on a nearby mouse. His fangs glistened to make the kill. But just as he was about to strike, he heard a tiny voice.”

Heartbreak made the other puppet that was vaguely mouse shaped hop around. “‘Oh please great Albert! Don’t kill me! I have a wife and children!’” The little puppet shook on Heartbreak’s hoof. “Albert was shocked by the fact that a mouse had just spoken to him! Foodstuffs aren’t meant to talk! The mouse was able to get away. Albert, still hungry tried to pounce another mouse. But once again he heard the horrific cries of that mouse! That one too got away! He kept trying and trying but every time he kept hearing the horrific screams of the little mice! Soon all the mice were gone. All but one. The Queen of the Mice.

'Oh Great Hero of Mice! I wish to thank you for saving my life!’ She said, bowing to him. Albert for once in his life stopped and listened to the mouse in front of him. ‘What have you done to me?’ he asked. ‘I have given you the ability to understand our language. You see I wanted to thank you face to face. Is it not a wonderful gift?’ she asked him. Albert yowled and cried. ‘No it is not a wonderful gift! Take it back! I don’t want to understand what my food is saying! The cries of the mice will drive me to madness! I won’t be able to kill any more mice for my farmer and I won’t be able to protect his grain! Please take it back!’ The Queen looked at him. ‘Alas, my dear hero, I can not take this gift back. But, I can ease your suffering if you allow me to.’ Albert yowled and clawed at his head. ‘Anything! Anything please!’ And so the Queen gave him another kiss, and Albert the cat-” Heartbreak altered the cat puppet. “Became Albert the mouse.” Heartbreak paused. “Now I would like to say, ‘They lived happily ever after, but this was not the case. You see, Albert still had...cravings. Cravings that he could curb. Looking at his fellow mice, he would drool and think back to the time when he could eat their tasty, tasty flesh, and the mice around him would get a little skittish around Albert. Especially every time he would stalk bugs and pounce them like a cat. The End.”

Applejack looked a little disturbed and perplexed by the story. “Ah’m not sure ah get what yer tryin’ ta say with this story there, H.B.”

Heartbreak threw her hooves down in frustration. “Come on, A.J.! This isn’t that hard! I practically told you in the story!”

Applejack blinked. “You were a cat?” She asked.

“Uhm...no, right. Let me put it an easier way. Think about a nice crisp warm apple pie sitting on the window sill to cool, and you’re really hungry. It’s aroma wafting into your nose. You mouth is watering, right?” Heartbreak asked.

“Right,” Applejack replied. Heartbreak looked at her hopeful that this attempt conveyed the proper meaning. Suddenly Applejack’s flickered with a rather unpleasant thought. “W-w-where yer from they eat pigs? They eat meat?”

Invader Heartbreak

Chapter 33

Invader Heartbreak

The look on Applejack’s face is the look that I fear the most. A look that is a mingling of fear, disgust and out right judgmental horror. Her head is slowly craning away and she looks like she wants to get up and get away from me.

“Well...uhm,” I don’t like this feeling. I don’t like the idea of telling a bunch of herbivores that I belonged to a species that essentially enslaved most of the animals of this world to either do the jobs that they didn’t want to do or used them as a food source. But I made a deal with Applejack. I stare at the ground and then look up at her. Finally I just nod my head curtly.

“Well, now, that is certainly different,” Applejack says. “Ah don’t get why ya had ta go an’ tell that story ta tell me, ‘where ah’m from we eat pigs.’”

I rub my hoof against my head. “I didn’t know how you would react, Applejack. And well, it’s not -just- pigs,” I cover my face and cough. Momentarily my eyes dart towards the barn that houses the cows.

Applejack’s eyes widen in surprise. “Uhm,” she points at the barn, “Them too?”

“You’d be surprised at what they wouldn’t eat, Applejack.” I rub my shoulder uncomfortably.

Applejack looks at me like a deer that just was caught by surprise. “Ya don’t mean ta tell me that ya ate-” She points at herself.

“Well there’s something I have never eaten. Nor would I consider eating...” I reply. Fucking A. This is fucking awkward! I want the awkward to go away!

“Well, ah got to admit that it is different.” I look up at her. “And if ya were any other pony, an’ ah didn’t know yer situation, ah might have different view about this. However. It’s different from where yer from.”

“That might be the cause, A.J., but I don’t want the others knowing about this...quirk of mine.” Crap, I feel like crying about this. I shouldn’t feel like crying, why do I feel like this?!

“Look Sugarcube, all the others know what other animals eat. Ah mean, Winona has her bones and-” she starts out.

“I just don’t want them knowing, Applejack! I’m not comfortable with them knowing. F-f-fet, I’m not comfortable with -you- knowing. Don’t tell them, please?” I ask.

She looks at me sympathetically and takes a deep breath. “Alright, ya have ma word that ah won’t tell anypony about this. Cows included.”

I’m sure that’s her attempt to make a joke in all this, but I’m not laughing. “Thank you for understanding, Applejack. And let’s never do this again?”

“Never do what again?” She asks me.

“This deal making thing. I didn’t like it, it felt forced and-” I shake my head. “Did I earn my fetting s’more already?”

“Alright, and yes, ya earned it,” She replies, putting together the s’more between her hooves.

I walk up to her and bend my head down to take it off her hoof. I would make the joke that this is the second time I have taken something off an Apple’s hoof, but I am feeling drained from today, not to mention the whole ordeal just now. I gobble it in one bite. “Fank juu, A.J. I’m going to sleep now.”

“Night there, H.B.,” she says.

“Good night, A.J.,” I reply, swallowing my treat. The taste of warm chocolate with melted marshmallow comforts me and I feel much better. Now for some sleep.

==============================================================

Crab Apple watched Heartbreak walking back to the house. He had only heard the last bit of the conversation between Applejack and Heartbreak. “I could have heard more if I didn’t have to go so slow! Even with my sneaking skills, Applejack would have been sure to catch me, but..She ate meat?!” He thought to himself. “Things are definitely different in Mineighsota.”

He slowly slid down from his perch and started to shadow Heartbreak. “Boy, I didn’t know what to expect when coming out here, particularly that! I can kind of see why she doesn’t want others knowing about this. I mean, most ponies panic easily enough as it is, but if they were to worry about some carnivorous pony that was wandering around-” he eyed Heartbreak from the shadows. Despite having a treat from Applejack she looked tired and depressed. She then paused for a moment and then looked around.

“Oh no! I hope she didn’t see me!” he crouched lower to the ground.

Heartbreak shook her head and sighed before looking up at the sky. Dib though he could hear her cough and then sniff hard. Moments later he heard the door close. Waiting a few minutes, he looked around and then carefully shimmied up a drainpipe and back to his room. He looked around for a second to see if he had been followed and listened making sure that Heartbreak wasn’t heading upstairs. He then proceeded to slip into his bed. “Geeze, with the way she was acting, some pony might think that her pet died or something. It must really bother her a lot!” Crab Apple tried to imagine what it would be like to hold on to a secret like that and at the same time, have what all ponies really wanted: To be accepted. He had found something like that with his little club, maybe she could find some acceptance there too. “Right, I’ll worry about that tomorrow. For now, I think I will keep her secret a secret and get some sleep.”

==============================================================

I wake up with the sun in my eyes. Last night’s dreaming was unpleasant. I barely remember details involved. But something about dancing hot dog wieners was in there. Pushing myself up, I eye the old grandfather clock. It’s almost nine o’clock . I guess Applejack decided to let me sleep in. I lay there for a few minutes thinking about last night. It ended in such a weird place. Sighing, I lift my head and look around. That’s when I hear A.J.’s voice coming from outside. I can’t make out what she’s saying, but she sounds like she means business about something or another.

“Better go out and assimilate the day.” I think before pushing myself up off the couch. “But not before visiting my good pal: The bathroom.”

After morning business I walk outside. Applejack is loading buckets of apples into a cart proudly. “Well, well. Finally wakin’ up there, Sugarcube?” She asks me.

I sigh and look at her. “Yup. I guess I have to make my own breakfast this morning, eh?” She gives me a funny look. “I think that came out wrong, I didn’t mean to sound-”

“Hey now, it’s alright, no reason ta start the morning off wrong. Big Mac made pancakes this mornin’ and there are some leftovers in the fridge. Ya can help yerself ta some of them,” she says, smiling.

“Uhm, not to be nit-picky, but aren’t they going to be cold? How am I going to warm them up?” I ask.

She blinks and looks at me as if the answer was clearly obvious. “Well, ya would just-”

“Never mind, I’m fine with eating them as they are. I was just wondering how you reheated your food without the aid of some sort of tech. I mean it’s just that-” I start to stammer.

She puts a hoof on my shoulder. “H.B. We do have this fancy thing called a, ‘toaster oven,’ and if ya can wait for like three ta five minutes, ya can have nice warm pancakes.”

“Oh, right.” I look around. “I knew that.”

“Right, before ya go off ta have some breakfast,” Great. She’s going to talk about last night, “Ah was wondering if ya’d be against helping Crab Apple with some of the chores ah’ve given him.”

I cock my head and look at her oddly. “Isn’t there that club meeting today?”

“Yeah, but that don’t start until after one ta day, and his parents send him here ta do farm work. Ah’m not havin’ him bucking apples on account of that event. Instead ah’m havin’ him pick up any loose apples on the ground an’ tossin’ out any rotten ones. If ya help him, ah’ll pay ya for doing it!” She says, smiling.

“Pay me...? As in actual money? As in, I’m doing a job, earning a wage, of sorts, and then get, paid for it?” I shouldn’t be making a big deal out of this. After money is just money, but at the same time.

“Well, ah know ya don’t like just getting nothin’ fer free. An’ ah can respect that. Ah mean ah could just give ya the forty bits ah planned on givin’ ya fer this whole thing, but ya’d get all fussy about it. So, ah figure, why not work fer it?” She asks sheepishly.

I look back and forth. Finally I nod my head. “Alright, sure. I like that idea.”

“Right then! You go get yerself somethin’ ta eat and if ya need any help in the kitchen, give a holla’,” Applejack replies.

I start to fidget with my hooves. “Actually, I really could use some help with the, ‘pancakes into the toaster oven,’ thing. I mean, it might not be all that difficult, and is most likely much more easy than what I am making it out to be, but once I see it-”

“Say no more there, H.B.” She slides a basket of apples into her cart. “Just give me here a bit and ah’ll help ya out with that.” This morning is totally not what I expected.

==============================================================

Crab Apple’s mind was buzzing with everything that he had learned about Heartbreak. Just the very notion that ponies would eat meat boggled him. “What conditions would force ponies to undergo such a radical change in diet?! How isolated is Mineighsota? And what-” He suddenly felt something touch his shoulder and he jumped at least three feet away. “Gah!”

“Gah!” Heartbreak shouted back.

“Gah!” Crab Apple shouted back.

Heartbreak regained her composure. “Are we done shouting at each other?” She asked.

“Uhm, yeah. Sorry, it was just that-” Crab Apple began.

“That I startled you. Yeah, I get that. But I would like to refrain from this turning into a pointless screaming match. I would much rather put in a little work before we go your club meeting, A.J. is actually paying me!” She said proudly.

“Paying you? What’s up with that?” Crab Apple asked looking at Heartbreak’s smile. “Her teeth look like any other pony’s teeth. They aren’t sharp like a carnivores. Maybe they hunt it down and kill it in another means? Or maybe they just raise it on farms.”

Heartbreak look at Crab Apple after a long pause. “So, right. You want to take one side and I take another?”

“Yes!” He squeaked out. “I mean, that might be a good idea. We can cover more ground that way!”

Heartbreak looked at Crab Apple. “Are you sure you’re alright, Dib? Or is today just one of those, ‘jumpy,’ days?”

“Just one of those jumpy days, I guess. Did A.J. explain what we’re doing here?” Crab Apple asked, looking down at her hooves. Were they hooves of death? Could they have killed anything? And was there a real reason that she drilled a hole in her hoof?

“It’s not rocket science, Dib. Good apples get put in the baskets, bad apples...uhm...they get tossed...but she didn’t say where they get tossed.” Heartbreak looked down at Crab Apple as he stared at her hooves. “Crab Apple. Eyes up here.”

“Oh right, uhm, sorry. It’s just-” He stammered.

“It’s just a hole, Dib. Like I said: Magic Tea, it’ll do things to you. I seen things,” she paused, looking thoughtful. “Now back to the matter of the rotten apples.”

“Oh! Right, there’s buckets between and to the side of the trees. The ones between the trees are for good apples and the ones to the sides are for rotten ones,” he said.

“That sounds easy enough,” Heartbreak replied, smiling. As she did so, he spied something...red...caught between her teeth.

“Gah!” he jumped back in fright.

“What?!” She shouted, looking around her.

“You have something red stuck between your teeth!” he said, almost shouting.

“Oh,” she licked the space between her teeth. “Strawberry pancakes this morning. Uhm, thanks for pointing it out. Though by the way you were acting, I thought some sort of dangerous thing was lurking about.”

“Uhm, no, not at all. I’m just really serious about oral hygiene!” he replied.

“Sure you are. Though, if you are going to be serious about something, I guess that is a good thing to be serious about.” she rolled her eyes. “Tooth pain is no walk through the park,” she said, going backwards as she walked away from Crab Apple and to the other side of the trees.

==============================================================

Dib has been looking at me funny for the last half hour since we started this little job. It’s like he has a bunch of questions on his mind about something, but is too afraid to ask. And while checking for good apples and bad ones is like a minigame, I am getting bored of the deafening silence. The nice thing about my last job was that I could talk to myself. Tell myself stories. Can’t do that here.

“So,” I say breaking the silence. “You have any questions about Mineighsota?” I need to figure out what I am going to tell other ponies about it anyway. Live the character that I have built for myself.

“Oh! Yeah!” he says from across the way. “Uhm, what’s it like there?”

I think about this. “Cold. Very cold. You’ve heard of the Crystal Kingdom, right?”

“Yeah?” Crab Apple asked.

“Mineightsota is far north of that. And I mean far north. The colony was settled about the same time that Equestria was established. But when the Crystal Empire vanished, ties to the outside world started to go with it. For about a few hundred years, Mineighsota was pretty much isolated to itself,” I explain.

“So when the Empire came back, so did routes to the colony. Interesting.” Crab Apple looked confused. “How did you all survive up there?”

Shit, how would a colony survive that long without contact from the outside world? “A form of lost tech known as, ‘Green Houses.’ Plus there are a lot of lakes in the area. Big ones in fact. But the colony was on the verge of extinction once or twice. If it weren’t for the occasional random group of travelers that got lost up our way, we’d have died out from stagnation. By the time that those up in the Crystal Kingdom found us, we were suffering from a great number of the common ailments found in isolated populations.”

“Wait, green houses? Really?” Dib asks me.

“Well, it’s lost tech for us,” I reply.

Crab Apple nodded. “Just wondering, why isn’t this all over the Equestria News? I think a lost colony being found again would be a big deal.”

Fuck! This backstory is starting to get some serious plot holes in it. Right, you can close these off. “Well, you see, I’m not spost’a be telling any p-p-ponies this information to begin with. I can tell them where I am from, but not the details I have been sharing with you.” I lift up a hoof and lightly poked Dib in the shoulder. “But I trust you with this stuff, Dib. First off, it would make Celestia look bad. Mineighsota was under her care and for her to lose an entire colony of ponies? Not a good thing. Secondly, there is an isolationist mentality going on among the Mineighsotans. They were abandoned and had their trust broken. They kinda see the outside world with a much more jaded view than most. I’m actually considered an, ‘oddity.’ I think that the outside world can help, and the rest of it is just a bunch of boring political mumbo jumbo that I would rather not go into.” “Please buy that please, buy that...”

Crab Apple blinks “Wait, you trust me?”

I look down and go back to my side of the trees, picking up a few apples along the way. “Yeah. You seem like a good colt with a decent head on his shoulders, Dib.” At least that part is true. Crab Apple just looks back at me and smiles a bit.

The Seventh Annual Hu-Mare Con

Chapter 34

The Seventh Annual Hu-Mare Convention.

Alright, I feel kinda terrible for unloading some weird backstory that sounds like it was made up by a bad larper who needed to explain why his character just joined a game. Then again, I was a larper for over seven years. Making up backstories for random NPCs is something of a hobby.

“That’s...actually one of the nicest things that anypony has said to me, H.B.” Fuck he’s looking at me all big eyed. This kid must have some serious neglect issues.

“I’m sure you have heard nice things said to you before, Dib.” I snort and roll my eyes.

“Not really. Like I said, my dad is really busy inventing. Mom handles the orchard business, and my sister? She’s always at the arcade playing video games.” Good grief. What twisted branch of the Apple Family tree is this kid from!?

“Come’on, I’m sure you have, some fffriends,” I reply, stammering on the word, ‘friends.’

“Well, there’s a small group of loners that hangs out in the library, but we don’t see each other outside of school,” he replies.

I suddenly feel a burst of sympathy regarding this colt now. It’s like if someone took my childhood and passed it down to some random kid. Then again, I’m sure there are lots of kids out there who have similar backstories. “There are differences you yutz. Your biological father wasn’t an inventor, he’s a museum curator in Wisconsin. And your stepdad? Retired off somewhere in Idaho. Bastards the both of them though...” “So, uhm, change of subject. Is there anything else you want to know about Mineighsota that doesn’t relate to government or politics?”

His face brightens. “Oh yeah! Seeing that we are going to a convention about strange wildlife and Cryptozoology, are there any weird creatures living that way that can’t be found anywhere else?”

I think about this for a second. Apparently the storyteller in me is starting to peek out and comes up with an amusing thought. Well, amusing for anyone who is a native Minnesotan that is.

“Oh yeah, there’s the dreaded Lutefisk,” I reply, trying to keep a straight face.

“Lutefisk?” He asks. “I’ve never heard of it before, what is it?”

“It is this strange jelly like fish that lives in these horrible smelling lakes made out of lye,” I begin.

“Lye?! Isn’t that stuff terribly poisonous?” He asks.

“Well, duh. We don’t go around swimming in it, Dib. Most of the lakes are freshwater and are important to survival up there,” Darn it, this is sounding really more convoluted. Funny, but unnecessarily convoluted. “So, if a Lutefisk is found out, we have to get rid of it. This can be only done in a strange ritual done by little old granny ponies. I don’t know the details to the whole thing.” For some reason I feel like leaning against a tree. Geez, we haven’t been working too long and I am already feeling a bit wiped. It must be all this bending my neck up and down.

“Getting tired?” Dib asks me.

“Yeah, go on ahead, I’m going to take a little nap if you don’t mind,” I reply, leaning my back up against a tree.

Dib gives me an odd look and then shakes his head about something. “Don’t lay down on the job for too long, H.B. I don’t think Applejack would like it.”

==============================================================

Crab Apple pondered everything he had just took in. A strange lost colony, meat eating ponies, monstrous jelly-like fish and all the while a foreign exchange student who just seemed to want to fit in with the rest of the ponies.

“It just seems so...out there.” He looked up. “But isn’t that what some of the members of the HLC have said before? ‘The Truth is Out There?’” He shook his head and looked behind him. There was H.B. in the distance, sleeping while leaning against one of the trees. For being a strange meat eating mare, she was very nice. “Some of it doesn’t make too much sense however. I mean, greenhouses? There’s got to be more to it than she’s telling me. Or she could be outright lying. But, what reason would she have for lying to me? I bet it deals with the whole, ‘We eat meat,’ part...”

Crab Apple continued doing his job. After a while, he began to notice something. “This job actually sucks a lot more, now that I don’t have anypony to talk to.” He looked back again. This time Heartbreak was so far in the distance that he couldn’t see where she was. “Huh, judging by the position of the sun...I would say that it is approaching eleven thirty. I should head back along the other row of trees. That way, Applejack thinks that H.B. did her job, and I’ll surprise H.B.! I mean it’s the least I can do for a new-” he paused for a moment. He had rarely used the next word he was about to describe H.B. For him, this was a monumental occasion. “-Friend. Yes, friend. Even if she’s from a race of meat eating ponies.”

==============================================================

I stir from out of my nap and stretch. A wide yawn is given and I look around at the trees. Dib isn’t anywhere in sight. I don’t know whether or not to be relieved or worried about this. After all, being alone means I don’t have to worry about saying my thoughts out loud. But at the same time? Applejack sorta put me in charge of him. I lean forward and push myself up. I haven’t a fetting clue what time it is, but seeing that I haven’t been bothered by anyone, it has to be before noon or one.
“Which of course means I should be picking up more apples,” Stupid girly pony voice. I attempt to lower my voice to make it sound more gruff. “Which of course means,” Gah! I try again. “Which means-” It’s no use. I sound like a woman who is attempting to sound like a man. “Right, don’t care. Let’s just pick up some more apples.”

After about ten minutes, I learn something rather interesting: Rotten apples taste like, here’s a shocker, rotten apples! I keep attempting to pick them up as carefully as I can, but no matter what I do, they keep crushing just enough for me to taste their juice on my tongue. And attempting to pick them up by the stems only results in rotten apples splattering at my hooves as they fall apart. “Bleh!” I rub my mouth on my forearm in an attempt to rid my mouth of this taste. “Geez! How do they do this!?” I look at my hoof momentarily. “It’s times like this I really miss fingers...”

“You miss fingers?” Dib’s voice says behind me.

A shock of cold goes right through my being as I quickly turn around. “Ah! Dib! How long have you been there?”

“Uhm, not too long.” He cocks his head at me. “You had-” he lifts his hoof up and points at it.

“Uhm, No!” I say trying to control the volume of my voice.

“But you said-” he begins.

“Fingers was the name of my pet raccoon!” I explain.

“Pet raccoon?” He asks.

Calm down, H.B. Calm down. “Yes, I have shaky hoof syndrome and I have a pet raccoon that helps...uhm...helped me out with things.” I sigh. “Well he used to help me out with things.” That’s right. Play up the sad pet story. “We called him, ‘Fingers,’ because well, that’s what he had. Fingers. Fingers the raccoon!” Suddenly a small, perverse part of my brain activates and wants to laugh hysterically at what I just said. I bite down on my tongue to silence it.

“Oh.” Dib looks at me sympathetically. “What happened to him?”

I look around. “Oh, uhm, he got too old for me to take with me, the stress of travel would be too much for him. And if he were to die, I would rather it be back in Mineighsota than on the way here.” Finally, looking sad is paying off in some way.

“That’s really awful,” he replies. “Losing a pet is never fun.”

“Nope, it never is.” I reply, sighing. Looking over Dib’s shoulder, I spy a spot of orange growing closer to the two of us.

“Well, well. Ya two seem ta be chattin’ up a storm!” Applejack shouts as she walks our way. “Ah bet ya two got quite a bit done.”

Crap. I don’t know how many trees I have done, but it can’t be as many as Dib has. “Well-”

“We did nearly a full two rows, A.J. And with H.B. keeping me company here, time went by like a breeze!” Dib looks at me and winks. “Isn’t that right, H.B.?”

I rub the back of my neck. I don’t know whether the fact that he’s covering for me is sweet or wrong. Thinking about it, I’m going to go with wrong. “Yup, oh the conversations your cousin can have. Lots of interesting subjects!”

She looks down the rows of trees with a keen eye. “Well, Ah’ll be darned.” She smiles. “Ya two really did quite a bit of work. So, seein’ that yer event is in an hour, how’s about ya two head back ta the house, get a bite ta eat and take a shower.” She looks at me. “Maybe give that mane and tail of yers a quick brushing? Ya want ta look a little presentable.”

I roll my eyes and fight the urge to say, ‘Yes, Rarity,’ as it would spoil the moment and most likely cause Applejack to get upset with me. Besides, despite not knowing what this little convention holds, I do feel slightly excited to be going...somewhere that isn’t the library or a farm. “Sure thing, A.J. Just a quick brushing.”

==============================================================

Crab Apple was nearly bouncing with glee after lunch. He had nearly inhaled all his food, and taken a quick shower. He already had his saddle bags on and was raring to go at the front gate of the farm. Heartbreak on the other hoof was lagging behind.

“Come on, H.B.! I want to get there before the others so that I don’t have to wait in line with the others who weren’t lucky enough to register before the due date!” He shouted.

“We’re coming! Hold your-” Heartbreak began as Applejack tugged hard on her saddle bag straps. She whinnied and looked sharply at Applejack. “Horses. A.J., that hurt.”

“Hey, got ta make sure it’s nice and tight so that it don’t fall off,” Applejack replied.

“You know what would be awesome right now? Velcro,” H.B. said.

“Beg yer’parden? What the hay is, ‘velcro?’” Applejack asked.

Heartbreak blinked and rolled her eyes. “Of all the low tech things not to have, you’re seriously telling me that you don’t have velcro?” she asked.

“Haven’t a clue what it is.” Applejack looked at Heartbreak with a sudden seriousness. “Now, ah trust that you’ll look after ma cousin. An’ ya’ll keep him outta trouble, an’ don’t let him outta yer sight!”

“A.J., we’re going into Ponyville, not making some long trek by f-f-f-h-hoof to the gates of Tartarus,” Heartbreak responded.

A.J. frowned. “Ah might be actin’ a bit serious about this an’ all. But ah’m putting ma trust in ya there, H.B.”

Heartbreak looked at A.J. quietly. “I’ll try not to break it.” She replied, walking to catch up with Crab Apple.

Applejack wave at the two of them as they left the farm. “Have fun, you two!” she called out.

==============================================================

As Lyra looked at the five rooms that she had rented for this one event, she felt a sense of pride fill her. Yes, they weren’t sparkling clean. Yes, HLC members had to walk down an alleyway and make a left to get to the dimly lit doorway that led to the event, and yes there was some extra costs here and there. But it was worth it!

Over the course of a week, she and some of her more open minded friends had decorated, sang and polished these abandoned storage rooms into something that was acceptable to hold a gathering in.

She walked down the hallway. On her left was the two rooms that were set up to be the artists’ alleyway and a relaxing lounge. On the right was one of the lecture rooms that would talk about costuming and ways of incorporating humans into everyday life without looking like you were a freak. At least, that’s how some other ponies would put it. There was also a resting lounge that had been set up in the fourth room. Seeing that she had to rent all five rooms in order to get her deal, she might as well use it for something.

The last room was straight ahead. It was an old auditorium. Here, she would welcome her guests. Her little herd. “No, correction Lyra: My People.” She giggled with glee. She walked up to the reception pony at the front who was making sure that no party crashers came to ruin the events. Already, the mass majority of a whole twenty four ponies had arrived and were making awkward conversations in some of the rooms.

“Brick House?” she asked the rather husky looking mare.

“That’s me!” She replied.

“How are we doing thus far? No trouble?” Lyra asked.

“All quiet on the western front, Miss Heartstrings,” Brick House replied.

“Good to hea-” Lyra started.

Brick House laughed a bit. “Ya get it? Cause the building points west!”

Lyra laughed along with Brick’s joke. Something told her that she wasn’t the sharpest tool in the box. But she could at least humor her a bit. “Yup! Have most of the pre registrations arrived?”

“Uuuh,” Brick House looked at her list. “I’ve crossed most of the names off of the list if that’s what you mean, Miss Heartstrings.”

“Yes, that’s exactly what I mean. Remember that anyp-er, anybody who comes in who isn’t on the list has to pay an extra five bits. So, ten bits,” Lyra said.

“I’ll write that down so I don’t forget,” Brick House replied.

Lyra sighed a bit as she turned around. All this work on this gathering had left little time for another project of hers. That being of course, the mission that Tale Spinner had lead her to follow. It had been only a few days, but she felt like she was missing some good research time in which she could actually study this, ‘Heartbreak.’ But the hard part about all that was that she was on Applejack’s farm. She sighed. “Oh well, maybe after the con...”

Just as she was about to check the bathrooms, there was a knock on the door that lead to the alleyway. Brick House got up and slid open the little spy hole. “Greetings travelers, may I see the secret shake?”

A high pitched, nerdy voice replied. “Uhm, H.B. You should turn around, this is for super secret members only.”

Lyra’s ears had never perked up so fast. Could it be? She found herself nearly teleporting to the door, but paused. What if the subject were to see her? What would she do? She hid behind Brick House and attempted to get a look through the spy hole.

“Ugh, fine Dib. You know that this isn’t points in your favor about taking me to this little, ‘club,’ of yours, right?” It was her! Lyra could barely contain herself! It was almost too perfect! A creature like Heartbreak attending -her- convention! She could observe her and watch for any more signs! She could talk about the humans all she wanted to and see her reactions!

“Have you pre registered?” Brick House asked, dopely.

“I have,” Dib replied. “But my friend,” he paused as he said the word in an excited manner, “has not!”

“If that’s the case, then it is going to co-” Brick House started. Lyra quickly closed Brick House’s mouth with her magic.

“Let her in! For free!” Lyra whispered in Brick’s ear.

“Uhm, ok. I was just told that she gets to come in for free,” Brick House said.

“Oh wow! Really?” Dib exclaimed.

“For free?” Heartbreak asked, skeptical.

“Yes, for free,” Lyra whispered behind Brick House.

“Yes, for free,” Brick parroted.

“IIII don’t know about that...” Heartbreak said. “Nothing is for free, there’s always some catch.”

“Oh come on! Maybe they’re holding some sort of, ‘You’re the x number of pony to arrive,’ thing,” Dib told her.

“Yes!” Lyra said “Repeat everything I say, Brick House.”

==============================================================

I look at the grey-eyed mare through the door slot. All of this has some really horrible marks in my mind. The speakeasy feel to it, the secret hoof shake and the large hulking body builder like bodyguard at the front door? Yeah, something feels wrong about this. Then again, that could be just me being a scaredy-pants, not wanting to have some social interaction: wanting to go and hide and avoid the ponies. Again.

“Yous happen to be the twenty-sixth member to attend, setting up a new record for attendance to our event and breaking our twenty-five record attendance,” She says in a deep voice.

“That seems pretty-” I pause narrowing my eyes at her, “sketchy to me.”

“Did I mention that not only do you get a free VIP pass, but a gift bag filled with all sorts of goodies and yummy treats?” She asks me.

“Come on H.B.” Dib looks at me with pleading eyes. “How can you turn down an offer like that? Plus if you don’t go, I don’t get to go.”

He’s right. If I don’t go, he doesn’t get to go. Fuck. Cute eyes plus a guilt trip. Well played, Agent Mothman look alike. Well played. “Fine. But there better be some fetting chocolate in that bag.”

“Oh yes. There is!” She says.

The door swings inward and Dib practically bounces through it. I, however, trudge my way in. After passing the entryway, I feel something drop around my neck. “Here is your special VIP badge!” The large brick red mare says looking down at me. I blink and her brick shaped cutie mark catches my eyes. Gah! I need to stop doing that! “Along with your goodie bag!” she practically shoves the handles of the bag into my mouth. I would have yelled in protest, but the aroma of chocolate hits my nose. Darn you, chocolate! You and your chocolaty goodness, like Agent Mothman, have won this round!

“H.B.! Come on, the opening festivities are beginning!” he shouts.

Walking down the hallway and following Dib, I can’t help but think back to my own time at furry cons. Yup, there’s the smell of unwashed pony fanboys.

“H.B.! Come on!” He says, tugging at my leg. Alright, now this is getting a bit pushy and into territory I don’t want it to.

“Dib! Hold your-” We get into the auditorium. Looking up, I see something that makes me flinch and my left eye twitch. Something that has caught me off guard and made me realize where I have heard the phrase, ‘obscure equestrian mythology,’ before.

There standing on stage is Lyra Heartstrings, smiling and waving. Above her, among the small herd of cheering ponies, is a banner that reads, “Welcome, Hu-Mares!” I don’t feel myself walking as Dib pulls us to our seats. Just the spectacle of what is about to happen is screaming in my mind.

“Isn’t this exciting?!” Dib asks me.

Lyra begins to speak. “Welcome, fellow human lovers! Welcome to our seventh annual Hu-Mare Con!”

Come into my Parlor

Chapter 35

Come into my Parlor.

Lyra smiled widely at the gathering of ponies. These were her ponies. There were a myriad of differences. There were unicorns, earth ponies and pegasi. There were fancy ponies and hickish ponies within this small collective. But they were all bound by their love of a silly looking, hairless mythological primate.

Her gaze landed squarely on a tan pony with a messy brown mane. “There you are. This is almost too perfect. A creature like you is here at this gathering of ponies who love and adore humans. It’s like you were drawn here. Like you couldn’t resist.” Lyra swallowed hard and took a deep breath. “Calm yourself Heartstrings, you have a speech to make here.”

“I am glad every-body- here could all attend, what I hope will be a very interesting, informative and most importantly, fun convention!” She leaned against the podium. “I would like to welcome old members back and I am glad to see fresh faces! I remember when this, ‘convention,’ was nothing more than just a few strange ponies who had gathered in somebody’s basement. And now, we have grown! With the rise of magical forums, and social networking scrolls; we Hu-mares and Stall-men have been able to organize and share our interests.” The crowd muttered with more excitement. “This year we have five rooms, each with a purpose that is posted on the door. Remember that there are a few rules here, and that it is like any other social gathering of ponies. Be as nice as “humanly” possible, back away if you are making someone uncomfortable, and above all have fun! We are all here to have a good time and hopefully we’ll learn as much as we can about each other. Celestia knows that I want to learn as much as I can about you.” The herd before her cheered and stomped their hooves. “And with that said, let the con begin!”

As Lyra walked off the stage, the crowd of ponies began to disperse and talk among themselves. Heartbreak had not moved from her seat and there was a stare of wide eyed confusion on her face. Her eyes darted back and forth as if she was horribly frightened. She poked the colt next to her and said something to him. There was a brief talk and he looked baffled and confused, but finally nodded his head. He took the VIP pass that had been placed around her neck off and put it around his. “Why would she do that?” Lyra wondered as she edged closer and closer to the mare.

Heartbreak kept looking around slowly and then a bit more frantically. She tugged on the colt’s shoulder and asked a question that Lyra could now just make out. “Can we go to one of the rooms that isn’t as crowded, Dib? I’m getting a little claustrophobic.”

Dib rolled his eyes and sighed. “Yeah, H.B., Sure. Oh! Let’s see what they have in the snacking lounge!”

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea...I am a bit hungry,” She replied.

Lyra smiled. If she could get a bit closer and maybe start up a conversation, she might be able to get her subject to slip up and reveal something about herself. She was so happy at this moment that she wanted to prance in place and almost felt like bursting into song.

==============================================================

Applejack looked up at the afternoon sun. Despite a bit of chill on the springtime air, she was sweating a bit from this years first harvest. There was a good bumper crop of apples going and it was just about to be finished. She wiped the sweat off her brow. Idly, she paused and looked up at the sky. A strange thought passed through her mind. “Somewhere out there, there could be a different, ‘A.J.,’ harvesting apples just like ah’m doing right now.” Her face scrunched and she shook her head at the thought. “A meat eatin’ A.J.” Applejack put another basket of apples in the cart.

She thought back to the night before. H.B. was so unnerved about explaining to her why she had been drooling over her pigs. Looking back, the answer should have been as clear as a bell. That hungry look in her eyes should have given it away. But there was a part of Applejack’s mind that didn’t want to accept it. “A pony eatin’ meat. Actual meat-meat, not anything like fish or bugs meat, but meat from an animal that is almost kin ta ponies. That sorta thing just ain’t right.” She nodded at Big Mac to pull the cart forward so she could collect more baskets. “Ah can understand why she would want ta keep it a secret, and ah know other critters eat meat. Gryphons, dragons, monstrous beasts that live in the Everfree, and other things beyond that.” She tossed another basket into the cart.

“And then there was that whole, ‘ya’d be surprised at what they wouldn’t eat,’ thing she said. What in tarnation does that even mean!? Ah mean, I know she said that she didn’t eat pony, but that don’t mean that there could be some...critter out there that wouldn’t give a second thought of snacking on one of us?!” Applejack rolled her eyes. “That’s a feathered brained question there A.J. Of course there are critters out there who would gladly gobble up a pony. Ya just didn’t think that ya’d invite one to sleep in yer home. Then there was that whole, ‘Ah need ta tell ya a story just so that ya get what ah’m sayin’ here’ bit. It was like she was talking down ta me! Ah would have understood, ‘Where ah’m from, we eat meat,’ just fine!” She threw another basket into the cart. This time it landed sharply and practically knocked over a few other carts. “What the hay?! Yer lettin’ this get to ya, A.J. Why are ya lettin’ it get ta ya? Is it the idea that she ate meat or the fact that she felt like she needed ta hide it? Or is it that ya just let her go off with yer cousin to some strange gatherin’ somewhere?!”

“A.J.?” Came the melodic voice of her brother.

“What?!” Applejack shouted.

Big Mag looked at her quietly. “Are you okay?”

She snorted and sighed. “Yes, no, maybe, don’t know...Ah’m just worried is all.”

“Somethin’ to do with H.B.?” He asked.

“Ya could say that, ah don’t know what it is. Ah hate saying it, but ah still don’t trust her! There’s just somethin’ off about her,” Applejack said. “Is that wrong of me ta say?”

“Nope,” Mac said after a while. “Ya don’t know much about her.”

“And ah’m guessing that yer gonna say, ‘Give her time, A.J.’, ‘Expect the best of her, A.J.’ an’ that ah shouldn’t worry this much, right?” Applejack asked, looking at her brother.

“Eeeyup,” Big Mac replied. A.J. couldn’t help but feel that Mac was right. The worries she had about H.B. were ungrounded and fussin’ over them wasn’t going to do her any good.

==============================================================

We’ve entered into the, ‘snacking lounge.’ Along the wall there is a table that has trays of some standard party fare that I would expect. Finger sandwiches, veggie trays, cheese trays, chips and salsa, along with dessert trays of cupcakes, brownies, cookies and other delights. At the end of the table is a punch bowl and plastic cups. There is of course a serious lack of meat products. But I’ve come to expect this. I’m sure that I’ll complain on more than one occasion about it. I tap Dib on the shoulder.

He looks over from some random artist pony who is sitting down sketching what looks like it might be something human-esk. “Yes, H.B.?” he asks munching away on a carrot.

“Uhm, first of all, thank you for taking the VIP badge. This might be a small gathering, but I don’t want any unwanted attention. I’d rather just kinda blur in the background and observe what is happening here.” Dib smiles and nods while chewing his carrot. “And secondly, could you help me get a plate of food together?”

He looks around for a second at my request and then gets the sudden realization face. “Oh, right! Shaky hooves. Yeah sure! Anything that you want in particular?”

I look over the spread once more. “Maybe a little bit of everything. If you don’t mind.” Rolling my eyes, I kick myself for thinking ahead and wondering how I am going to eat this. “With your face you dolt. Seriously, I already know that I am uncomfortable with this, but if you can’t pick things up with your hooves like the other ponies, then you’re going to have to settle. Though I don’t think getting salsa accidently up your nose would be any fun.” “A little bit of everything but the salsa. Please.”

Dib nods and walks over to the table to start putting the plate together. I take a deep breath. Right now there are four or five other ponies in the room along side us. They are kind of wandering about, looking at each other. Not saying anything of relevance, but nodding and smiling at each other. A couple of them have these strange looking pink hats with ears. Human ears. Or at least what they, ‘think,’ human ears should look like. Those ears are terribly pointed to be something human.
I walk over to couch that is the farthest away from the door and hidden away in a corner. Looking around anxiously, I take a seat. I debate with myself on which way I should sit. This being a, ‘human-con,’ I might get away with being able to sit like I normally do. But decide against it and sit as a normal pony would. After all, it takes up nearly all of the couch and I’d rather not chance the possibility of others commenting on how well I can sit as, ‘a human would.’

As I push myself to get comfortable, I find myself contemplating the situation I am currently in. The whole, ‘meta,’ part of this is giving me a conflicted feeling. On the one side, I want to laugh at it. Here are ponies who like humans and are holding a convention about humans. And on the other side, I want to go running and screaming from this. It’s like the universe’s way of pointing and laughing at me. “Look at the little human turned pony! Hey! Hey! Hey-”

“Hey!” Comes the voice of the very last pony I want to talk to. Looking up, I am met with a wall of aquamarine attached to a grinning face. Fuck. How the fuck do I interact with this?! She must be seeing the shock on my face because there is a large moment of silence between the two of us. “So! Twilight finally let you out of the library, I see!”

Crap, crap, crap, crap! Darn it, H.B., think of something to say! Anything! I look up at her and nod. “I like turtles.” FUCK! Anything but that!

She of course gives me the double take and blinks. “Uhm, yes, turtles are nice pets.”

I look around panicked. Darn it, calm yourself. Just act normal, don’t try to stand out, it’s not like she suspects anything about you. There’s nothing on the surface to indicate what you were. No evidence, no crime! Not that it is a crime to be human, right? Oh crap! She’s staring at me again! Say something! “Gah, you’ll have to forgive me, Lyra. It’s just-” A couple of geeky looking mares walk past me wearing human hats. “I spaced out for a moment...”

“I was going to say that it was funny seeing you here! I mean, after our little mishap in the library, I thought you would never want to see me again!” She eyes the empty spot on the couch next to me. “Mind if I sit down?” She says, just plopping her ass down on the couch.

Turning away, I frown at her just flopping right next to me. She, of course is sitting in her trademark, ‘Lyra Style.’ She’s grinning and smiling with bright wide opened eyes that aren’t any less creepy when they’re up and close. Fet. Right, calm down. Okay, let’s attempt this conversation thing again. “I didn’t intend to come to your little-” I pause as a pony in a full, ‘human suit,’ walks into the room. He is walking awkwardly on two legs and swinging his arms in a cartoonish manner. This might be okay, if it weren’t for the fact that there is a pony face sticking out of a googly eyed suit meant to look like a human. With the pony face sticking out of the mouth, it just looks fucking creepy. Like some weird human-like puppet that is swallowing a pony. An involuntary shudder and blink courses through my being. ”Party. The only reason I am here is because of Applejack’s cousin.”

Lyra looks at me with a bit of concern. At least, I think it’s concern. With a fanon version of Lyra here, it introduces an x-factor into the equation of what I should be expecting. “Well, you’ll find that we HLC members, while on the eccentric side, are very open and welcoming to new faces! We’ve got plenty of activities for the day, this is going until five, so feel free to jump in! Talk to others, explore and interact!”

I curl away from her. “Thanks, but I’m ok with sitting her in the corner. Watching. Being a, ‘Jafo,’” I reply, looking around for Dib. He’s still setting up my platter.

“Jafo? Uhhhm?” Lyra asks in utter confusion.

“Oh, right. Jafo is, ‘Just Another Fetting Observer.’” I reply. “I’m just watching.”

“Alright H.B.,” Dib says, walking with my platter of food resting on his hindquarters. “I managed to get almos-” I can hear the clatter of the plate on the ground and tumbling of foodstuffs as his eyes are drawn to Lyra. He practically zips up to her in a fanboyish burst of energy. “Oh my gosh! You’re Lyra Heartstrings!”

“Uhm, yes. Nice to meet you. You must be Applejack’s cousin that H.B. was talking about!” Lyra replies.

“Yes, uhm, my name is Crab Apple!” he excitedly replies. “I’m one of your biggest fans of your work in the, in my humble opinion, much ignored field of anthropology! And I’m here with H.B.!” I facehoof as I hear Dib’s gushing. Then again, who am I to talk. I raced Derpy down and got her autograph the moment I saw her.

Lyra chuckles and pats his shoulder. “I kind of guessed that after she told me. I’m glad you could make it, Crab Apple.”

Ugh, I am starting to miss the farm. I cough to get Dib’s attention. He looks at me befuddled and then blinks before looking back at the spilled snack tray. “Oh geez, sorry H.B!” He scampers over to the tray of spilled goods. “I didn’t mean to-”

“Don’t think anything about it,” I reply. Fetlocks. This kid is almost impossible to get upset with.

“Here, let me help with that,” Lyra says, picking up all the spilt food items. “They should still be good, after all, as humans would say ‘Five second rule!’”

I grimace at that statement. Even I have qualms about eating food off the floor. Well a floor that looks like it needs a good scrubbing. “Yeah...Five second rule...” I reply as the snack tray floats over to me.

Dib smiles and looks at the leftover narrow space on the couch that is left over. He then looks back at me. “Not much space to sit on that couch.” He says, suggesting the obvious.

I roll my eyes. “Do you want to sit on the couch, Dib?” I ask, nearly facehoofing.

“Do I ever! But well, there isn’t enough space on the couch,” Dib once again eggs at something.

“Well, there would be if, someone would join in the fun and sit like we do, Dib.” Lyra says.

My face twitches at this whole thing. I feel like such a hypocrite. I dance around the bush all the fucking time about issues and it irritates others. Now these two are doing the same dance and I’m the one getting irritated. I take a deep breath. “Come on, stop it. Just stop it. He just wants to sit on the couch and talk with who I am assuming is his hero. Don’t take any longer in this, or they will start assuming things about you. Like how you’re a bitch or something.” I attempt to turn my body in a way that will let me sit the way that Lyra is. Eventually I get something that works and now there is a space for Dib to sit.

Lyra places the tray of food on my, ‘lap.’ Or as much of a lap that ponies have when sitting like this. I feel like one of those overweight guys who use their guts as a table. “So how did you get into humans, Dib?”

Con Burn

Chapter 37

Con Burn.

“FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK!” Apparently the word of the day in my mind is, ‘fuck.’ There are no other rational thoughts going through my head as the blue face jutting out of a quazi-human mouth rends through the good, ‘argument mode,’ I had going here. Nothing like a horribly dressed non-sequitur to gunk up what could be a perfectly good and reasonable argument. An argument that was helping to distract me from the butt loads of weird ponies with a naked monkey fetish. However, all of that is irrelevant to the fact that my heart is pounding in my chest and that I am experiencing a good deal of an old friend known as, ‘fear.’

“Oh geez! I didn’t mean to startle you!” He exclaims, looking at me. “Are you alright?”

“Yes! Fine! Great!” I involuntarily shout. Fuck! Calm down! Calm down! You’re going to have a heart attack if you keep this up! I glare at that tiny voice in the back of my mind as it says this. Seriously? Stop trolling me brain.

The pony’s weird appendage that is meant to pass as a hand reaches out in a way that I am sure is meant to comfort me, but instead has me cringing and doing a freeze frame.

Lyra jumps to the rescue. “Whoa! Tight Stitch! Back away! Con rules.” She calmly puts a hoof on the arm of the costume and looks at Tight Stitch in a stern but sympathetic manner. “If you are making someone else uncomfortable, then back away. Besides,” she looks at me strangely. “She’s, ‘fingerless.’”

Almost instantly Tight Stitch draws back. “Oh! Oh! I am terribly, terribly sorry miss-”

I draw upon enough willpower to speak. “Please, don’t call me, ‘miss.’ J-j-j-just call me, ‘H.B.’” I interrupt, silently counting to ten as I speak.

He awkwardly smiles and then backs away. “H.B., I’ll remember that.”

Dib and Lyra look at me. “Are you alright, H.B.?” Dib asks me.

“I-I-I’m fine... this is just a bit much for me,” Damn it. I need to get out of here. I might not be able to blow any sort of cover, but I am sure as hell not making myself look like a sound or stable pony. And among all these social outcasts? That’s saying something.

Lyra looks at me sympathetically. “Look, I’m sorry for getting a bit-” She pauses.

“Zealous?” I interject.

“Well, I was going to say, ‘passionate,’ but I guess that works too,” She rolls her eyes. “I guess the story does have a few holes in it and there are a lot of questions that are raised. I guess that is what makes it exciting for a mare like me. That it could be true! I mean the very idea that humans walk among us-”

“Walked,” I interrupt.

“Huh?” She gives me a blank look.

“Not to be nitpicky about grammar, but you mean, ‘walked.’ As in they don’t walk among us anymore.” I reply.

“Geez, you and Bon-Bon both!” She sighs. “But yes. The idea or notion that they did excites me.” She looks up at the ceiling in a blissed out state. “I would give anything to know, ya know?”

I would respond, but I feel shaken up after that incident with, ‘Tight Stitch.’ “Uhm, yeah, sure. Look, I’m feeling really on edge now and need some fresh air. I’m terrible with crowds and-” I look questioningly at the human hats. “I just need some fresh air.” I repeat looking at Dib. “So...come on.”

Dib looks at me with big eyes and disappointment. “But we barely just got here!”

Damn it. “We’re not going to leave-leave, we’ll be right back.” I answer trying to avoid him freaking out. “I just need some fresh air is all.”

“But I was hoping to talk to Lyra some more!” He says. His voice has a, ‘not quite whining’ quality that makes me just want to leave him here. But Applejack told me not to abandon him. I momentarily question whether or not going outside and leaving him with strange ponies would constitute as abandoning him.

“Look, Dib, it’s just that I’m s’posta be watching you and while I am sure there are safeties in place, I am a bit leery about just leaving you here alone.” I explain. Fuck, I sound like one of those over worried mothers. Or Twilight explaining to Spike why he can’t have more ice cream.

“I’ll watch him while you step out, H.B.” Lyra interjects.

A big red light in my head just lit up. It’s saying that we should take caution in this suggestion. “I’m not sure if that’s such a good idea...” I reply.

“Look, I know our little argument was teetering on the verge of an outright flame war-” She starts out.

“Flame war?” I ask. Seriously, how would a unicorn know that internet term?

“You’ve never seen two unicorns get really mad at the other have you?” Lyra asks.

“Oh! Right, uhm, I didn’t think that that could include non-unicorns!” I say, trying to act as casual about it as possible. “Silly me.” I try to muster a casual laugh. It comes out sounding like an overdone giggle. I still hate that.

“Right, like I was saying, it almost got there, but I’m the leader of this con. And the ponies here will do as I say. I swear they won’t lay a finger on his head and that he will be perfectly safe.” She says reassuringly.

I mull over the situation in my head. And then look at Dib. He’s looking at me with desperation in his eyes. This is his dream. It’s a small silly dream compared to my dreams. My dreams of going home, of being myself again, of seeing her and holding her in my arms. I bite my lip before I can get all teary over this again. I can’t make those dreams come true right now. Gawds this sounds so fucking sappy, but I could let him have his dream. And it wouldn’t hurt me to try and trust another pony.

“Alright,” I push myself up and off the couch. “I’ll only be gone for five or ten minutes.”

“You can trust me to make sure that he stays safe there, H.B.!” Lyra says, as I walk out of the room and towards the door.
I roll my eyes. Just knowing that I’ll be outside soon enough is starting to calm me the fuck down.

==============================================================

Lyra watched as her target walked out of the room. There were a whole set of new factors to consider in this situation. “Why would she go about putting down humans like that?! Is it a tactic? Is it a defense!? There are so many signs that are lining up here from Tale Spinners research!” She bit her lower lip and it struck her. “Yes, it’s a tactic. Just like in that, ‘Batmane,’ movie. When Bruce was asked about Batmane, he told them that a stallion who goes around dressed like a bat clearly has problems! Yes!” She rubbed her hooves. “I’m on to you there, little-miss-”

“Uhm, Lyra are you alright?” Crab Apple asked.

“Oh! Yes! Couldn’t have been better!” She yelped, taking out the envelope. She skimmed through the contents and looked for any signs that she missed. Oddly enough, there were a few. “Ticks, unable to use her hooves properly, comes from an obscure colony that nopony-” Lyra rolled her eyes. “Nobody has heard of, and is highly argumentative. Even if she isn’t what I think she is, she is hiding something..” Lyra thought to herself. She looked over at Crab Apple. “So, how’d you two meet?”

“Well, she’s apparently been working on Applejack’s farm for a few days.” He explained. “I haven’t a clue why,” he leaned over and put a hoof up to his face, “Don’t tell her this, but she’s not all that great of a worker. Not with that hole in her hoof. And it just seems like she gets a little tired pretty quickly. She might not be used to a lot of hard manual labor.”

Lyra nodded. “Interesting...” “That’s rather odd for an earth pony, but then again, things could work differently in Mineighsota.”

Crab Apple rolled his eyes. “You have no idea. But at least she was willing to take me here! Normally when I visit my cousin? There’s almost nothing to do.” He looked at the stack of papers that Lyra had hovering in the air. “What’s that?”

Lyra bit down on her lip. A small pool of conflicted feelings bubbled to the surface. On the one hand, she wanted to confirm what Tale Spinner had told her. But there a part of her mind that was afraid of this whole situation. As if she shouldn’t press the matters. Heartbreak seemed like a nice pony after all. “But she isn’t a pony, is she? She’s something else, maybe something better. I just got to know! And while I hate the idea of using this colt to get information, he might be the only chance I got!” Lyra smiled. “It’s my research on humans, along with a good chunk of the story I just told you there, Dib.”

Crab Apple’s eyes lit up and he peered at the papers. “Really?! Oh neat!”

Lyra quickly moved them away from his inquisitive nose. “I’m not sure I should be showing you this however. There’s a lot of loose ideas and things that even the members of the HLC wouldn’t be ready for.” She said, teasingly.

“Oh come on! You can trust me!” He said, his voice lowering to a hush.

“Well-” Lyra started.

“Please?” Crab Apple asked, his eyes going wide.

Lyra smiled. “Perfect, now if I can just get him to inadvertently tell me something...” “I didn’t want to talk about some of this in front of Heartbreak-”

“H.B.” Crab Apple corrected. “And why not?”

“Well, first off, she was right in that there were some major holes in the story.” Lyra said scratching the back of her head. “And secondly,” she looked around. “How well do you know her?”

Crab Apple looked confused. “Well, not too well, I guess. I mean we’ve only just met. I mean she’s told me about where she’s from, what it’s like, and a little bit about herself. But nothing too detailed. Course, like I said. We’ve just met.”

“Right, and you know how secretive us, HLC members can be. But, there’s a little more to the story that I just told you...”

Crab Apple blinked. “More?”

“Yes,” Lyra took a deep breath. “Are you sure I can trust you with this?” The colt nodded. “Alright, there were a few others in the group of humans other than Merlin and Mordred that possessed magical abilities. In fact a small group of them lead by a human mare by the name of Nimue. Now, Nimue was said to be the fairest of the human maidens and was always found around lakes and rivers, so much so, that many of her pony friends dubbed her with the name, ‘Lady of the Lake.’” Lyra said, excitedly. “Nimue couldn’t have foreseen the problems that Mordred would cause, but overhearing the solution that Merlin had proposed didn’t set right with her either. Why should all of the humans suffer for the mistakes and problems of few? She knew that she couldn’t do anything to sway the rulers of the tribes, the three kings or even Merlins minds about the humans’ self exile. So she came up with a cunning plan of her own. The spell that the leading unicorns and Merlin were going to perform was going to affect all the humans in the land. It would tug them back to their home world by the filaments that tethered them to that place. After all they were still connected to their homeworld by them.”

Crab Apple listened intently, he was still confused about why Lyra didn’t want to share this with Heartbreak. After all, it added another layer of richness to this story. “Fascinating,” Crab Apple looked thoughtful. “So, if these, ‘tethers,’ were to lose their connections,” he looked up at her. “They wouldn’t be pulled back home. But how would they lose those connections?”

Lyra smirked. “Well, the spell was only going to affect Humans, Dib.” Crab Apple nodded. “What if...” she looked around again. “The humans weren’t...human any more?”

Dib blinked. “If they weren’t human, then what would they be?”

Lyra grinned. “Ponies.”

==============================================================

Looking back down the hallway, I am still questioning on whether or not leaving Dib with Lyra was a good idea. I mean she is fanon Lyra after all, but at the same time, I can’t use what other bronies have made up about ponies here to judge what that pony is actually like. I mean there are ponies here that were never on the show, ponies that I don’t know about. Out of the corner of my eye, I spy the, ‘Artists Room.’ The sounds of scribbling enter my ears and I grumble a bit.

“If this was any other event, if I was any other being, if it were any other time, maybe.” I shake my head and pass by the room. I can almost hear the nervous shake in my hooves. As I get close to the door, Brick House looks at me.

“Are you going somewhere?” She asks.

“Yes. Out.” I reply.

“Wait a second,” she says slowly. “Didn’t you have a V.I.P. badge?”

“I-I gave it to the c-c-colt that I came in with,” I reply, stammering on my words. “I didn’t feel right about having it, cause he was the twenty-sixth member really.”

“Oh, huh, that makes sense,” she replies. I must be really out of it, ‘cause normally my brain would have made some comment about, ‘slow ponies,’ being slow. I start to walk to the door. “Oh wait!” She shouts suddenly putting an arm out to stop me.

“Gah!” I jump back at least a few feet.

“Uhm, sorry, but I can’t let you go back outside-” she stops mid-sentence and ducks behind the counter. “Without stamping your hoof! Otherwise, I can’t let you back in!”

“And that would be just a tragedy,” I remark snidely rolling my eyes.

“I know, right?” She pounds the stamp she has in her mouth on an inkpad. “So, which will it be? Left or right hoof?”

I remember how Lyra reacted to the hole in my hoof the first time, and a small mental shudder quickens through my mind. It’s best that I don’t take any chances. “Left hoof,” I say lifting it up. She quickly stamps it.

“Don’t be gone for too long! Don’t want to miss the Suit Parade and other fun activities we have planned!” She says cheerfully.

I glare at the door and see that it is a push handle. Leaning against it, I roll my eyes. “Only if I can help it,” I reply walking outside.

Walking out of the alleyway a little, I breath a sigh of relief. Looking around, I bite down on my hoof and notice the stamp: it’s a hand. “Why does life have to be so ironic? Oh wait, ‘ponyverse. If only you were the real thing,” I shake my head and look around. “I just need something to calm my nerves, something like-”

The ringing of a store bell hits my ears and I look up. Right across the street is a welcome sight. One I haven’t seen in a month. Lah-Tea-Dah.

“Yeah...” I blink and smile a little. “Something like that.”

Tea Time

Chapter 38

Tea Time

Subtle Brew smiled behind the counter as she watched another customer exit her shop pleased with their purchase. There had not been too much excitement since that day a month ago, when a single mare had caused so much chaos in the course of but one afternoon.

“*And all because of a cup of tea,*” Subtle Brew giggled slightly. “*Had she just accepted one of our fine teas, she would have not been in that mess, however,*” She looked up and watched the dragonfly watch flit about her shop. “*I would not have my brand new dragonfly watch. Yes, it had to be fixed so that it would not chime the time every minute, but it is a pretty thing...*”

She looked down at the catalog of the many wedding dress styles that were coming out of Canterlot. She shook her head at such overdone styles. “*I don’t understand these ponies, I know I said I would look at this for Earl Grey, but still...I shall wear my mother’s kimono. I wonder what he would think of wearing my father’s?*” She giggled at the thought.

Just then, there was a ringing of the shop bell and a pony’s shadow crept to the edge of the counter. “Oh, welcome to Lah-Tea-Dah. Can I help joooo-!” She exclaimed as her eyes met the piercing blue eyes of her customer. “Oh! Is Heart-Break! Juu came back!”

Heartbreak looked around the shop nervously. “That I did, you still sell tea and I like tea. So, I’m bound to come back.”

“Oh, yes! Yes, we doo...” She replied. “Soo, how are juu doing doing today? All is well?”

“Uhm, better than last time I visited here, but I’m feeling a little-” She paused and rolled her hoof. “Stressed. Do you have anything that will calm my nerves?”

Subtle Brew blinked as she saw a sparkle of light shine through Heartbreak’s hoof. “Aaaah, juu have a-” she started.

Heartbreak hid her hoof behind her leg. “It’s a long story that I would rather not get into. Let’s just say that I would like some rather calming, non-magical tea today?”

Subtle Brew nodded, a questioning look painted her face. “No hay, yes?”

“You can make the tea without the hay?” Heartbreak asked.

“Oh yes! After juu came, I tried to make it without hay! Is different, but not bad... So,” Subtle Brew gave Heartbreak a soft smile. “Juu need someting to calm nerves, yes?”

==============================================================

Crab Apple stared blankly and tried to process what Lyra just told him. “Wait, you’re telling me that she turned them all into ponies? All the humans?”

“Well, not all of them, Dib.” Lyra began. “According to my research, Nimue gathered a number of the humans that wanted to stay and attempted to transform them into ponies. Transformation magic is hard enough for any unicorn to perform even one with high levels of training. However, Nimue knew of strange magics that most unicorns didn’t have access to, and though her spells were imperfect, they worked.” Lyra looked down. “But,”

“But?” Crab Apple asked.

“But, the magic she used was unstable. There were glitches and random things that just didn’t work. For example, some of the new pony’s hooves didn’t work right. Others suffered from little ticks and twitches. And in the worst cases, they would transform back to their human forms, well, temporarily. And this leads into the-”

“Legend of the Werequines!” Crab Apple said in stereo.

“Exactly, the ponies that could turn into humans and vice versa,” Lyra said winking at him. “The concept of creatures that can pose as ponies or even turn into ponies isn’t all too far fetched. Especially when you take into account the various other shape shifting species that inhabit Equestria.”

“Huh, that is true...” Crab Apple replied. “Please continue.”

Lyra smiled. “Right, as you could imagine, this caused a great deal of problems for the new ponies. After all, they were trying to fit in and remain undetected by the rest of the ponies, lest they be caught by the authorities and tried as war criminals.”

“War criminals? Wasn’t this war started by one human?” Crab Apple asked.

“Well, yes and no. Mordred didn’t completely act alone. He needed to get others to help him make his enslaving devices. And whiles enslavement isn’t as bad as outright murder, it was still an act of aggression by the humans. And if tensions weren’t high enough as it were, this was about the time that Discord came to rule,” Lyra looked at Crab Apple seriously. “And we all know what happened to the ponies under his rule. However, there was what the werequines did under his rule.”

“Which was?” Crab Apple asked.

“They helped him,” Lyra took out some of the pages from the envelope. “Equestria was established at least fifty or so years after the humans banishment. And whiles the werequines were getting a little better at fitting in? They were still having problems. And with the newly established governing body, Celestia and Luna were wanting to get things into order. A fledgling nation is something rather vulnerable and weeding out spies from neighboring nations along creatures that could pose problems was something that had to be done. The were’s had to really remain undercover as it were. Then Discord came to rule...And as we all know, Discord is the type of being that knows all about any pony’s secrets just by merely looking at them. He took one look at the werequines, gathered them all in one spot and offered them up a deal. Help him spread chaos and stay or he would deliver them all up to the Sisters on a silver platter to be dealt with.”

Crab Apple blinked. “Wow, that’s just...”

“It’s the way that Discord has said to have dealt with things.” Lyra said frowning. “The former humans unable to do anything else, agreed to this arrangement and helped him spread chaos. Though Discord soon discovered something that he... liked about his newly acquired," Lyra shook her head. "Pets. The humans, despite being trapped in earth pony bodies, something that he apparently delighted in tormenting them about, were really good at causing chaos.”

Crab Apple scratched his head. “Huh, this is all interesting, but what does this have to do with-”

“If you’re going where I think you’re going Dib, give me a bit to explain the rest of this tale.” Dib nodded and eyed Lyra with suspicion as she continued. “So, they helped him spread chaos and helped make other ponies lives pretty horrible for the time that he was in control. But as we all know, all good things come to an end. Something that maybe, just maybe Discord should have thought about.” Lyra said her voice coming to a very low hush. “And we all know what happened next. Discord was defeated and harmony returned to Equestria. However, after that, Celestia’s eye turned to the werequines that had helped Discord. She was not happy about what they did or how they were still in Equestria. And when the appointed leader of the group explained that there wasn’t any way for them to even return to the world from which they came? She was infuriated. In secret, they begged and pleaded their case with her, trying to find a reasonable compromise. A way for them to continue to live among the ponies. But Celestia was unwavering in her final judgement on these rogues in her kingdom.”

Dib looked frightened. After all it was well known that Celestia’s judgements were harsh upon the enemies of Equestria. “W-what did she do?”

“She deemed that the werequines would be living in a banishment of sort, to be sent to an isolated area that was just on the far reaches of Equestria. They would be given enough resources and tools to live and settle the area, but would be given almost little or no interaction with the outside world. Some would call this an extreme punishment, but in those times when Celestia was just coming to rule? It was an act of mercy. An act of mercy that went unnoticed by any living at the time, due to the fact that Celestia completely covered the whole thing up.” Lyra looked around. “Now...why I didn’t want to talk about this in front of... H.B.” Her eyes met up with Crab Apple’s. “I asked you how well you knew her and this might seem a little soon to make any snap judgements, but with the story I just told you...”

Crab Apple blinked for a few minutes and then backed away. “You’re not suggesting that she’s..”

Lyra looked down. “I have been trailing her ever since the two of us met up in the library. There was an event that she kept talking about involving magic tea that pretty much helped her spread what could be called chaos throughout Ponyville. She has various twitches, glitches, and her hooves don’t work right, Dib. To top it all off? She is from an obscure and almost unheard of colony that just has made contact with Equestria again.” She looked back at Dib. “Even with all these things in the mix and aligning with my research, she is definitely hiding something. Now, I don’t think she is an actual threat. Least not like the werequines in my story. However, before I make any accusations, I want to be sure. Absolutely sure. Because if she is really in anyway remotely human, it will mean a first contact event that will rock the whole of the Equestrian world.” Crab Apple blinked wide eyed. “And you would be a part of this event, Dib.” She took a deep breath. “I just need to know, has she said anything remotely odd that made you question whether or not she was really a pony?”

Crab Apple bit his lower lip. There was a few things that under the light of this story and information did make him question this strange pony that he had only just met. He liked her as a friend, she was kind and understanding, but most of all she listened to him. At the same time, this was his dream. A dream that almost seemed too good to be true. A dream that was now within hoof’s reach. Actually meeting a human-well almost human. And she had said a few things that would make more sense if she was a werequine and had a sudden outburst of transformation to her ancestral form.

Lyra looked at the young colt. “Well?” She asked.

“Well...” Crab Apple began.

==============================================================

Watching Subtle Brew perform her tea making is, I have to admit a thing of wonder. It might be the way that she uses her bi-coloured tendrils of magic to open several boxes to choose ingredients, the aromatic smell of citrus, lavender and maybe what I think might be sage leaves being mixed together with light rolled green tea leaves, or it just might be that she looks very zen like doing it. Like this isn’t any trouble at all.

“I’ve never had this tea before,” I say, trying to break the silence in the room.

“Oh, is very good for stress.” She begins. The skeptic in me wants to roll their eyes and ask if there is any data supporting that idea. I think I was a little too far into that argument with Lyra than I first thought.

Looking out the window and to the alleyway behind me I am reminded of what little headache awaits for me. “I should have seen that coming. I really should have seen it coming. Damn it, H.B., why the fuck couldn’t you see that coming?” I sigh and roll my eyes. There is a pulsing in my temples that feels like it could lead to a migraine if I let it go too far. “Right, uhm, just wondering do you have anything for headaches as well?”

“Dis tea has properties to help with dose too,” she says cutely. Gah, even the fucking foreign unicorns here can be overly cute.

“Well, I have a feeling that I am going to need something much stronger. There are somep-p-ponies and situations that I have had a hard time coping with. It’s lead to some rather... unpleasant situations.” I explain, rubbing my ankles.
I feel a small light pressure grasp my leg. Looking down, I see that it is one of the many tendrils coming off Subtle Brews’ horn. “Please, if juu do that anymore, juu will have a bald spot,” She has a sad, sympathetic look on her face.

“Uhm, yeah, I know. It’s just that,” I let out a long sigh.

“Juu are having a hard time with the, ‘adjusting?’” She asks. Fetlocks, she’s going to give me the, ‘I understand what you are going through, I too am foreign,’ speech. I am not sure if I should roll with it, fight it or- ah fuck it. She’s making me tea. She’s holding all the cards here. I’ll let her have her moment of, ‘wisdom.’

“I guess you have lots of experience with that,” right, play along with some of this. Then again, I just might get something useful out of it. Maybe some wonderful bit of Chinese Wisdom that can help with this situation. “I mean, you left home, are in a strange land with strange p-p-ponies and-” I sigh as the question bubbles to the surface. A question that I really don’t want to ask, due to the fact that I know that she wouldn’t really understand the more convoluted parts of my situation.

“How do I deal with it all?” She asks me.

“Yes...” I shake her magic off my hoof. The magic is starting to make me a bit leery, and by a bit leery, I just mean leery.

“Iz not easy, but if juu have te help of friends and loved ones, juu can overcome any obstacle,” she tells me. I mentally facepalm and fight the urge to ask her if she found that nugget of wisdom in a Chinese fortune cookie. No! You are not a bad person!

I bite my tongue on all these thoughts. “I-I-I have a hard time making ffffriends and I don’t have... any loved ones, anymore.” Fuck. Just, fuck. a trip to the tea shop has resulted in another moment of emotional turmoil.

She mixes the ingredients in a mortar and gives them a quick grind. “I understands that feeling. My father is so far away that-”

I shake my head. “It isn’t that they are far away,” Fuck, I just want some fucking tea, not some sort of long, ‘let’s connect on an emotional level,’ bonding moment.

“Awww! Are juu den all alone?” She asks me sympathetically.

Son of a bitch! Can’t I have my fucking tea?! I bite my lower lip hard and fight the urge to just chew her out for not getting me some tea already. “No. There is no reason for you to do that. She is just making conversation. She has no idea that she is treading into a rather tender spot.” “It’s fine, I don’t mind doing things on my own. Really, I’m making a bigger deal of it tha-” I begin.

I feel that same weird sensation of Subtle Brew’s magic on my chin as she pulls it up to meet my gaze. I pull back sharply. She tsks and pulls out a tea set. “By it self, citrus tea is a good ting. Good for many tings. But,” she lights a small fire under her tea pot. “It can be made better with other tings added.”

Oh joy, I get to learn the wonders of friendship via tea metaphors! Part of me wants to gag, another part wants to bang my head against the wall, and the final part of me just wants some fucking tea! I know I have said it before, but sweet fucking Gaia! I just want tea. “Subtle Brew, I get what you are saying. And I really appreciate it, I do. But there are a lot of things that really complicate the whole, ‘just make friends and you’ll have an easier time adapting,’ advice you’re giving me.” I finally spit out, resting my forehead on the counter.

I hear the sound of liquid being poured. Looking in front of me, I see the steaming cup of tea in front of me. It’s aroma fills my nostrils and I feel a little better. “If juu cannot find dose tings, den it would seem to me, juu ave not found jour place in tings. Te best way of, ‘dealing with it all,’ is to find balance. Find juur center, go with juur talents. Juu seem like te type that fights the stream, pushing tings all around her. My advice, go with the flow of the stream. Do tings that complement juur talents. If juu do dat, friends and good times will follow,” She looks up at me and smiles softly. “Of course, my advice, like dis tea, iz jours and jours alone to take.”

Good grief. A supply of nearly endless patience and fortune cookie wisdom. Lesser people and ponies would have snapped and given up on me by now. I sigh deeply. “Could I take my tea with a few lumps of sugar?”

Hitting the Fan

Chapter 39

Hitting the Fan

Lyra looked at this oddly coloured colt in front of her. What she was asking him to do would normally go against a good number of other ponies’ personal codes. She was asking him to betray the trust of somepony that could be a new friend, so that she could uncover the truth about this, ‘pony.’ “What are you doing, Heartstrings? Are you really this-”

“Fingers,” Crab Apple finally said. Lyra’s ears perked up and she looked at him. He pushed his glasses up and took a deep breath.

“Fingers?” She asked.

“She said that she missed, ‘fingers,’” Crab Apple replied.

Lyra’s eyes went wide. “She missed, ‘fingers’?” She blinked. “That sounds like it needs a bit of explaining.”

Crab Apple sighed and looked around. There weren’t too many other ponies in the room and they were all off in their own little worlds. “Right, well, the two of us were in the orchard picking up apples. She, like I said before, isn’t that much of a pony for manual labor. She was getting tired rather quickly and needed a rest. I kept working ahead while she took a quick nap. When I came back, she was looking down at her hooves and uttered the phrase, ‘I really miss fingers,’”

The mere feeling of excitement was now amplified throughout Lyra’s being. “CONFIRMATION! With a phrase like that? How could she -not- be a werequine?!”

“Of course, when I asked her about it, she told me that, ‘fingers’ was her pet raccoon that she couldn’t bring with her. Because she has shaky hoof syndrome, her pet was very useful.” Crab Apple explained.

Lyra’s heart dropped a bit. “A raccoon. Her pet. Of course. I knew it was too good to be true.”

“But...” Crab Apple began.

“But?” Lyra said, leaning forward.

“But it was the way that she explained things that seemed suspicious,” He replied.

“Oh?” Lyra asked.

“Well, I didn’t want to poke too far into it all, due to the fact that she said that she couldn’t take him with her. But it felt like-” Crab Apple paused. “Like she was making the story up on the fly. I mean, now that I think about it, when I look back at that moment...” He sighed and shook his head. “I mean, I might be reading too much into it, but with the story that you just gave me? That does make a bit more sense. Do you think that might be why she drilled a hole in her hoof?”

Lyra smiled. “I’m glad you asked about that, Dib. You see, I confronted her about that as well, and she gave me the runabout.” Lyra looked at her folder. “Right now, that is a near confirmation on my theory.”

Crab Apple thought about it all. The strange behavior that he had been seeing from this pony, the odd stories, and yes, even the part where she explained that she ate meat. That could all be explained if she was indeed a werequine! “Well, is there any actual way of confirming all this one hundred percent?”

“That’s why I’m trusting you, Dib. You seem to ask all the right questions here.” She pulled out some of the papers from the envelope. “There is said to be a way get a werequine to show their true nature. It’ll be tricky, but if we can get her to revert to her true form, even momentarily...”

Crab Apple’s eyes lit up and he started thinking about the possibilities of that thought alone. “That-” He blinked and shook his head. “That would be amazing! Incredible! Fantastic!”

“There is a problem,” Lyra said, carefully choosing her next words.

Crab Apple blinked again. “What problem?”

“Getting close enough to her to make it happen. You see Dib, your cousin Applejack would know if I was on your farm. Even with my best invisibility spells? She would know.” She pulled a con bag from behind the couch. “And we can’t just expose her to the right objects and incantations described here in these notes at the Con.”

“Well, why not?” Crab Apple asked.

“Look around you, Dib. There are lots of HLC members here. The moment they see a real life human? They are going to jump her and go crazy. We need to get her alone and far away from the majority of ponies. That way we can confirm and confront her about all this. And the best place to do that? Back on Applejacks’ farm.” Lyra explained.

Crab Apple looked thoughtful, tapping a hoof to his chin. “I would have to wait until the rest of the Apples are asleep.”

Lyra gave Crab Apple an excited expression. “Then you’re willing to help me with this?!”

==============================================================

Subtle Brew smiles at me while she drops the two lumps of sugar into the tea cup , and gives it a stir. Deep down, I know she’s right. And in her own way she’s pointed out what I am doing to myself.

I’m playing the, ‘yes, but,’ game.

Yes, I could, ‘go with the flow,’ but I am afraid of what will happen. Yes, I could, ‘go along with my special talents,’ but what if I’m not ready? Fuck. I wasn’t like this back on Earth. I was always showing my artwork off to any who would look at it, and I was generally a pretty easy going individual. Well, for the most part... when I was outside of work. But when I was working, I liked to be left alone. Just alone in my thoughts and fantasies.

I bite my lip, thinking about a few times when someone was just trying to be friendly, and talk to me. They would see me and say my name in a voice that had a latino surprised happiness to it. And what did I do? I glared at him and grumbled to myself. I could have been nicer...

Subtle Brew looks me and I notice that my hooves are clattering against the counter. I laugh awkwardly. “Uhm, don’t mind me. Just lost in a bit of thought.”

She smiles. “Is alright, contemplation while tea drinking is good thing.”

I reach forward and sip the tea from the rim of the glass. In my fit of self wallowing it has appeared to cool down a fair bit. “This does taste really good, but it could use a bit more sugar,” I comment.

She pours a bit more sugar in the tea and gives it a quick stir. As I sip the tea again, she looks at me contemplatively. “Miss Heartb-”

“H.B., please?” I interrupt.

“Par-don?” She asks.

“Please call me, ‘H.B.,’” I begin to explain. I get the feeling that I am going to be saying that phrase quite a bit. “I don’t like my name and I can’t change it.”

She blinks and tilts her head. “Oh.” She looks to the side and then back at me. I smack my lips. Yeah, now this tea is perfect. “H.B., I was wondering if I could read juur tea leaves?”

I cough a little, bits of tea liquid sputtering from my mouth. I look up at her questioningly. “Read my leaves?”

She smiles a wide smile. “Oh yes! Is way to see juur future and what good things may come!”

Reading tea leaves might be a bunch of hogwash back where I am from, but who knows what can be done here in Equestria? I shake my head. “No, thank you.” I reply.

“But juu learn many tings. Fortune, jobs, fame or even-” She pauses and looks at me funny. “Love?” At the moment she says that word, I nearly gag and choke on my tea, spilling some of it. Subtle Brew jumps back a little. “Oh! Are juu ok?”

“Yes!” I gasp out coughing. “And thanks, but no thanks!” As she gets a washcloth to clean up my mess, she gives me an odd look. “I just don’t trust the advice of boiled tea leaves is all.”

“Tea may be subtle, but it contains much wisdom to dose who care to listen, “ She replies.

I give a nervous laugh and then quickly drink as much of the tea that is in my cup as I can. “No offence but I would rather trust the advice of the individual making the tea. She seems to know what she is doing after all.”

She blushes at me and waves a hoof. “Oh, juur words are very kind! Are juu sure juu no want I read juur leaves?”

I fend off the leery feelings that are trying to bubble up. Thankfully, the tea I just had is helping out with that. “Thanks, but no thanks. I really have to get back to the gathering I came from.” I let out a bit of a sigh. “Which reminds me, do you have any other teas that help with headaches?”

She smiles and nods. “There is poppy seed tea, but for that juu need to see doctor first. However, we do have willow bark tea if juu are looking for someting stronger. But I should warn juu not to make it too strong. Is bad if too strong.”

I turn my head to my saddle bag to get at some of the bits that Applejack gave me. “How much for some of that and the cup of tea?” I ask, struggling to pull any bits out with my mouth.

“Willow bark is five bits for one bag, but the tea, like my advice, was free.” She says.

Fuck, it’s that sugary sweetness that just keeps pushing out the part of me that wants to make some bitter comment. “Right.” My lips finally find the bag of bits. I attempt to place them on the counter without drooling all over them. “I’ll take a bag of that, please.”

She gives me an overly cute smile and plucks a bag from the shelves. “Just follow instructions on back of the bag and it is suggested to add honey. Willow bark is really bitter.”

I laugh nervously as the memory of Creativi-tea passes through my mind. “I’ll keep that in mind,” I reply, taking the bag off the counter and pushing it into my saddle bag. “If that is too much, please keep the change.” I turn around and head to the door. It’s better that I leave now, rather than make myself look like an ass asking for advice about adapting and then just nearly outright rejecting that advice. Besides, I didn’t say that I was going to be gone for terribly long.

Out of the corner of my eye something flits on the wall. It looks like a dragonfly, but it has a clock face on it. Cocking my head as it turns on the wall, I notice exactly how long I have been gone. “Half an hour?!” I start to hurry my butt out the door. “Thank you for the tea!”

“Yes! Thank juu, come again!” Comes a musical reply.

==============================================================

Pinkie Pie trotted down the street happily. “Let’s see, party at Cherry Blossom’s is done, watched Rainbow Dash perform some awesome high flying stunts, made some commentary on some of Rarity’s new dresses, Lyra’s party is most likely in full swing,” Pinkie paused. It was sad that Lyra didn’t want her at the party, but apparently the ponies there were really concerned about sharing their hobbies with other ponies. “Oh well, at least she let me help her set it all up! What was it called again? HCL? Isn’t that hydrochloric acid? Maybe they’re chemists! I really hope that they aren’t playing with anything dangerous,” Pinkie tilted her head in thought. “Nah! They would have needed extra licenses for that, and there wasn’t anything like that on the list of things for their party!”

Pinkie nodded her head, moving along. A few random ponies smiled at her and waved. She smiled and waved back. Ponies were always extra super excited to see her. After all, with Pinkie Pie around? Life was always a party, so full of smiles! Well, most of the time it was. There was only one pony that seemed to be immune to the patented, ‘Pinkie Pie Personal Pizzazz,’ (*patent pending.) She waited until the ponies passed to even think about this particular pony’s plight. After all there was no sense in other ponies seeing Pinkie Pie all pensive or pessimistic. She re-paused near a cart, ducking away so that nopony could see her.

“Heartbreak...” Even the mere thought of the mysterious stranger from another world caused Pinkies’ mane and tail to feel heavy and slightly deflated. “Oh gosh, why does it hurt so much to even think about her? I know that I double Pinkie Pie Promised myself that I would get that pony to promise me that we would, one day, party together, but really! She’s so terribly sad that she was able to resist my Persuasive Pinkie Pie ‘Perk-Me-Up’ Smile back on the train to Ponyville! Even Cranky Doodle warmed up to my charms after a day!” She looked up at the sky and frowned. It didn’t feel right to be this sad over one pony! It wasn’t a normal sad, it was like a super-duper extra sad! “I bet that’s because of those meanie-mean-mean pants who sent her here! They must have put some sort of special powder or hex or whatever magics they use in that strange world on her!” Pinkie’s face turned determined. “Well, two can play at that game! I promised myself that I would party with that pony doubly and party with that pony doubly I will! I might have to wait a while to implement my plans for said party, after all, with strong magic like that? The night has to be perfect.” She took a deep breath. “Though, that doesn’t mean that I can’t try to help her smile and laugh in between now and then. Oh! I know!” She clapped her hooves together. “I’ll go to see her at A.J.’s farm as a surprise! I’m sure after all that hard work and difficulty that she could use a wonderful surprise! Oh! A chocolate flavored surprise! Those are the best kind of surprises!” She smiled and popped away from the cart once again filled with glee. As she turned the corner, she heard the ringing of a bell that sounded exactly like the one that was in the local tea shop.

“Thank you for the tea!” Shouted a voice that sounded exactly like Heartbreaks’. And that was scarcely odd because, to her wondering eyes, appeared the pony that she had just been thinking of just moments ago!

“Oh my gosh! What luck! I could totally give H.B. her chocolate surprise now!” But as she was about to go racing off to her new friend, several thoughts hit her. “Ouch! Stupid thoughts! It’s not nice to hit ponies! Wait a second, what? Why is Heart-” She stopped her train of thought for a moment. Heartbreak was the name that they gave her. And if she was going to have any hope in becoming a true pony, a true individual, a true... well, anything! She was going to have to be called by the name that she preferred. “Alright train, you can leave the station again. Why is H.B.,” She grinned and nodded at herself before looking serious again. “Off the farm? And why does it look like she is headed to Lyra’s super secret party?” Pinkie brow furrowed. “A.J. is either slacking on her duties or H.B. managed to slip off the farm! I seriously doubt that H.B. is that crafty or sneaky, despite her getting the title of, ‘the potential new discord,’ to get away from A.J. like that! And A.J.! I would give anything for Nightmare Night to be tonight!” Pinkie took a deep breath. “Calm yourself, Pinkie. Count to ten...” Pinkie exhaled. “Pinkie to Pinkie, this is Pinkie speaking,”

“I know that silly! What’s up?”

“Nothing much Pinkie, but I think that we should go talk to Applejack before jumping to wild conclusions.”

“Well, what about H.B., Pinkie?”

“H.B. is a student, and as such Applejack is the teacher and responsible for her. And if it turns out that somehow she did sneak off the farm, then A.J. will be happy to go help me get her.”

“Pinkie! Why are you so serious all of a sudden!? I was talking about the chocolate surprise! We’re going to give her a chocolate surprise right?!” Pinkie rolled her eyes at herself. “Well, Duh! Come on!” Pinkie smiled at herself and continued on her way back to SugarCube Corner to get H.B. a chocolate surprise.

Author's Note

Image for the chapter. http://i268.photobucket.com/albums/jj2/sabertooth1980/HB_1_13_zps4a5224e6.jpg

Return to the Farm

Chapter 40

Return to the Farm.

Getting back to the, ‘Con’ was easy enough - Just present my hoof to Brick House and walk right back in. Being at that tea shop seemed to take forever thought. Not that I minded. It was really good tea after all. And as I walk back down the hallway, I do believe that tea is starting to have a bit of an effect. A slight effect, but still an effect.

Peeking my head into the art room, I watch the ponies in their drawing. Most of them are drawing with their mouths, but I notice a silver glint on their hooves. They’re drawing with their hooves. At least most of the earth ponies in the room are. “Duct tape?” I glare down at my own hoof and mentally kick myself for not thinking about that back in April. “Why the Fet didn’t I think of that before!?” One of them notices me looking and gives me a blank stare before eying my hoof. A skittish feeling takes me and I hurry back to the snacking lounge. Dib is exactly where I left him: Sitting with Lyra. The two of them look excited over something and haven’t noticed that I have come back. As I stealthily walk back to the little corner they are in, I can hear the final part of their conversation.

“Yes, I will,” He says looking at Lyra.

I blink. I’m not sure what the conversation was about, but I am going to try to - as Subtle Brew put it - ‘Go with the Flow.’ “You will what?” I ask. The two of them jump and look over at me.

“Whoa! H.B.!” Dib yells, his eyes going wide.

“Oh, geez! I didn’t mean to interrupt your conversation, I have a bad habit of just kinda sneaking up on others. Well, I used to have that habit back in Mineighsota and it seems to be reasserting itself,” I explain. This is true. I don’t know how many near cardiac arrests I could have caused. “So! I’m not interrupting anything am I?”

There is a momentary pause of silence between the two and then they shake their heads. “Nope, Dib was just telling me that he would keep in contact with me after the con is over. He has a keen interest in a lot of other creatures that have been deemed, ‘mythological.’”

Dib nods at me. “Yup. We were just talking about, ‘Big Hoof!’” He looks at me with a bit of concern. “You were gone for some time, are you ok?”

I sigh. ‘Go with the flow,’ she said. “Yeah, I just needed some time to think and get some tea.”

He nods at me and looks at me with what I think is a sympathetic look. “That’s good to hear! So, you want sit back down with us and talk?”

I mull the question over in my head. “I don’t know what I could add to this conversation, but sure, why not?”

“You could always tell her about that dreaded lutafisk that you told me about, H.B.,” Dib suggests.

“Uhm, sure...” I reply.

“And later, we can check out the rest of the rooms. Did you take a look at the art room by chance?” Lyra asks me.

==============================================================

The rest of the convention went a lot better after I just calmed down and took Subtle Brew’s advice. We talked for a little bit about strange creatures. I tried my best to avoid arguing with Lyra about how biologically stupid humans were overall. We ate some, and then checked out the art room.

Watching some of the artists draw made me want to pull out my mechanical pencil and just start drawing myself. But with the way that Lyra first reacted to the whole, ‘hole in hoof,’ thing? Something told me that this was a bad idea, so I made some commentary on their work instead. Little suggestions here and there about what I would do differently. A few of the artists there actually liked the whole, ‘rounder ears,’ bit that I kept pushing.

Dib wanted to get one of the human hats that was floating around, but they were sold out. So we cut a deal with the maker of them and we’d pay for one now, and she’d mail it to Dib. It would take a few weeks, but he was really happy. Lyra offered to get me a few different trinkets here and there, but I declined. I explained that I didn’t really have anywhere to put anything at the time.

I felt... distracted. Like when I was drawing in the library, my mind was elsewhere from the unpleasantness of my over all situation. I wasn’t some human being cursed to be a pony for breaking the hearts of his lovers - though I wasn’t a pony either - I was just... another guest at a gathering.

The three of us are now sitting a table in the main auditorium. Lyra is explaining more about how she got into the whole, ‘human,’ thing. Something to do with harps, seeing a few weird movies and looking into rather obscure history. Dib is, of course, sitting and taking in every word. Every so often his eyes dart at me and he looks like he is about to say something, but stops himself.

“So, when I hit my teens, I knew that I had hit as far as I could go with my music. Magic takes a lot out of a pony and working that thing with hooves is just a chore,” she explains. “So I took my talents into thinking back to what I learned about humans. At first it was a bit of a jealous streak going through me. After all, fingers. But soon it began to grow into a little bit of what Bon-Bon calls, ‘My little Obsession.’ And I will admit that it was getting a little out of hand by the end of that year.”

I twitch a little as she uses the work, ‘hand,’ so flippantly. So easily. Like it just could be switched out right there and then and none would raise an eyebrow at it. Internally, I glare at that little monster that’s trying to creep back out of it’s hidey-hole. The one that is reminding me that I am not a real pony. Again.

Dib cocks his head. “How can you tell if you are getting, ‘too bad?’”

“Well, I had drawn black lines on my hooves to make them look like fingers, dyed my coat to a, ‘human skin tone pink’ and had twisted my ankles several times learning to walk upright on a permanent basis,” Lyra scratches her head. “had it not been for Bon-Bon’s intervention? Who knows where it would have gone.” She looks up at the clock on the wall behind us. “Oh jeeze! It’s almost four-thirty already!?”

I blink and crane my head back. “Holy s-t-t-treusel!”

Dib blinks at me. “Streusel?”

My eyes dart back and forth. “Yeah, it’s just an expression we use back home. Kinda like, ‘pickles,’ or something like that. But I was looking at the time and saw that Lyra was right. Eeesh.” I turn to look back at Lyra who is giving me a wide grin. “Where did the time go?”

“You know what they say, H.B.! Time flies when you’re having fun!” Lyra exclaims. “And seeing that it is almost four-thirty...If you’ve read the schedule-” She looks at Dib with sparkling eyes and that horribly creepy, ‘Lyra Grin.’ And with that action, Lyra has sent up a dozen red flags in my head. Great, this was such a nice break from my usual depressive nature. Dib blinks and smiles embarrassedly.

“You should know that I’m not very good at that sort of thing-” Dib starts.

“You mean you’ve never tried it alone?” Lyra asks.

Alright, this is getting to me because all of it is sounding highly suggestive. Then again that just might be me and my stupid brain jumping to conclusions and seeing patterns that aren’t there. “You two mind letting me in on the fetting secret here?” Gah, calm down, H.B. No need to let your temper slip. “Uhm, that is if you don’t mind telling me.”

“We’re going to sing the, ‘Anthropology,’ song!” Lyra says gleefully getting up from the table. I notice that there are ponies who are starting to file into the room. Each one of them with that same creepy, overjoyed grin on their faces.

Fuck. There is going with the flow, and then there is going against my nature. And with the exception of that one time under the influence of creativi-tea? I do not plan on doing any singing in the near future. Particularly if it is Lyra’s rendition of, ‘Anthropology.’ I need to think of something really quick if I want to opt out of this.

“Uhm, ya know, I just remembered that I really, really, really need to use the bathroom. So, I am going to have to miss out on that. Besides, where I’m from? We don’t sing much.” That sounds convincing enough. I hope.

Dib looks at me with sad eyes. “We could convince them to wait for you, H.B.”

Oooooh no. Not this time, Dib. You can keep your song and dance routines. “Thanks but no thanks, Dib. I wouldn’t want to have all of you wait for me. It would spoil your fun. Besides...I’m going to be in the bathroom for a while. I think I ate something that didn’t agree with me,” I say, half lying. I kind of do need to use the restroom now that I think about it.

Dib rolls his eyes. “Typical mare...” He mutters.

I give him a soured expression and am about to open my mouth to say something when Lyra interrupts me. “Don’t worry about missing out on the song, H.B. You just take care of what you need to take care of. We’ll be here when you get back.”

“Uhm, thanks,” I reply, getting up from the table and hurrying myself to the bathroom. I really don’t know how to react to what Lyra just said. I know it sounded like she was being understanding, but something in the back of my mind can’t shake a feeling that maybe she was a little...I don’t know, is it possible to be, ‘too understanding,’ for ponies? Fuck it, whatever. My body is telling me to go do things in the bathroom now.

==============================================================

Lyra waved at Heartbreak as she took off for the bathroom. Crab Apple looked at her with a bit of disappointment on his face. “Awww, I understand that when, ‘ya gotta go, ya gotta go,’ but I’m sure she could have waited till the song was over. I mean it isn’t that long of a song after all!”

“There’s a reason I let her go, Dib,” Lyra pulled out the folder. “I was testing her.”

Crab Apple looked down the hallway and past the ponies that were filing in. “Seriously? That’s one of the signs?”

“Yup. It seems like a silly one, but it’s there. Normal ponies will nearly jump at the chance to join in a song or at the very least want to join in the singing. It’s part of our basic natures, part of our magic,” Lyra explained.

“Werequines don’t have normal pony magic...and don’t have the same response as normal ponies,” Crab Apple said looking at her.

“Precisely. You could say almost say that this is the nail in the coffin. However,” Lyra paused as she moved further away from the table. “I’m counting on you to help me find that one later tonight and remember,” she said winking at him. “Mum’s the word.”

Crab Apple nodded his head. As Lyra turned and walked down the hallway to check for straggling ponies, he felt a strange emotion bubbling up and flush enter his cheeks. He blinked. “What was that?” He thought to himself. Was it the onset of con burn? The wave of what was happening here and now? Was it the promise of what would happen later? Or was it something more than that? He shook his head and smiled at some of the surrounding ponies. A few of them giggled and whispered about something while pointing at him. Normally that would have bothered him. But not right now. Nothing seemed to be able to spoil this feeling or moment. This had been the most awesome, fantastic and exciting convention he had experienced in his fifteen year old life.

==============================================================

Dib and I are walking back to the farm. He’s got a saddlebag full of con goodies and there’s a lightness about his walk. I might be oblivious times five sometimes, but I got a feeling that this cheerfulness hasn’t been brought on by business cards, papers, drawings and generic swag that you get from a con. I kinda get the feeling that it is due to a few special goodies that I saw Lyra herself bestow on him. He was acting rather goofy after that.

After the con, Dib and I got a bite to eat, chatted a little more about where he was from and what his family was like. I wasn’t left with too many surprises seeing that all his family members were exactly as I expected them to be. I tried to tell him, without giving anything away, what my family was like. Then I felt a little more comfortable explaining what it was I had been doing in Ponyville after I, ‘left Minneighsota’. I had to fill in some of the holes in the story with filler instead of the truth. I mean there was some truth in all that, how I missed home, how I felt alien, and how I had to clean up the library. But not the, 'truth-truth.'

After a bit more awkward gabbing about how much we were both annoyed by our names and our sisters, I realized what time it was. Somehow four-thirty turned into five-thirty and the sun is beginning to set. That’s the bad news. The good news? I got out of singing, but just barely. Shit, that was close. I don’t care what has happened to my voice, what I sound like now or even what body I am in. I do not normally sing.

Even back on Earth I didn’t sing. I just don't -Fuck, I’ve been over this thought, and I have already been over the thought of the first time I sang here in Equestria while under the influence of magic tea. I shake my head. I’m thinking in circles; looking for things to complain and fret about. So, shut up, brain. We had a good time, nothing horrible happened and best of all: Dib got to have his little dream. There is nothing that could spoil this moment but you.

Pushing out those little negative things and thinking about the here and now...I feel good about how today went. Just then I get a whiff of myself. Bleh, mare musk and con funk. Not a pretty combination. “At least I can take a shower now,” I think to myself as we near the gate.

Cornered

Chapter 41

Cornered

Applejack stood at the gate of her farm. She wasn’t happy. Pinkie Pie had left several hours ago, but the conversation the two of them was still sticking around with her. The whole talk started out innocent enough. She had stopped by because she was making plans for Nightmare Night, and was wondering if she could renovate the barn this early. Then the conversation took a turn through a few hills and valleys of the land of Pinkie Pie.

“Had ah not brought up that package she brought with her, she would have been talkin’ forever!” Applejack thought to herself. “That was about as painful as the time back in Dodge Junction!” The thought passing through her mind reminded her of what Heartbreak had said only a few days ago. She bit her lip, seething in frustration. Pinkie finally, in her round about way, told her why she was there in the first place. “Took her long enough ta get to what she was wantin’ ta talk about. Ah swear she could have written a whole book with that there talk we had and most of it would’a been filler!” Her hoof tapped angrily before grinding it on the ground. “But then she got ta the part that mattered the most.” Applejack looked up and saw both Crab Apple and Heartbreak approaching the gate. “Alright, H.B., let’s see if ya’ve learned anything about honesty yet.”

“That was so awesome!” Crab Apple said as he bounced around. “I mean, yeah, it wasn’t as long as normal conventions, but the fact that we got to go at all!”

Applejack leaned against the gate. “Cool down there, Crab Apple, So, ah take it that y'all had a good time?”

“Did we ever! It was so awesome! I met ponies, and did stuff, and at the end there was singing!” He replied. Heartbreak smiled a little bit and rolled her eyes, before jumping back a little as Crab Apple leaned up and hugged her shoulder. “And I owe it all to this pony right here!”

Heartbreak’s startled face blushed as her eyes darted back and forth. “Uhm, thanks, Dib,” She replied pushing the colt’s arm off her shoulder. “But, really, it wasn’t anything special.”

“Nothing special!? I rarely get to go anywhere that cool!” Crab Apple replied.

Applejack chuckled and took a deep breath. “That’s great ta hear there, Crab. Apple.” She said, putting emphasis on his name. “Tell me, ya two didn’t make any quick stops before going ta this party of yers did ya?”

Crab Apple blinked. “Well no. I mean we did grab dinner afterwards and that’s why we’re back so late.” Heartbreak nodded as she looked at Applejack. Something worried in her expression crept over her face as she bit her lip a bit.

“Dern it, keep that poker face going, A.J.” “And did ya enjoy yer time out an’ about?” Applejack asked.

“Uhm, yes. It was very nice. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to...uhm...do this,” Heartbreak replied backing away. “Thing.”

Applejack nodded. “An’ by this, ‘thing,’ ya mean going ta that there party, keeping an eye on Crab Apple here, an’ then comin’ back?”

Heartbreak began to look at the ground and her hoof kicked a bit of dirt. “You could pretty much say that’s what happened.” She replied.

Applejack frowned and a low growl crept into her voice. “So, at no point did ya take yer eyes off ma cousin and just leave him at this party all alone then?”

“I can say that at no point did I leave your cousin unattended,” Heartbreak replied.

Applejack’s face twisted into a scowl. “Crab Apple, how’s about ya get all that stuff ya got put away.” She said walking up to Heartbreak. “Ah’ve gotta have a few words with Heartbreak, here.”

Crab Apple’s happy expression turned to one of concern. “Is there something wrong, Applejack?”

“Nothin’ that needs ta involve you, ah just have ta have a few words with Heartbreak. Alone.” She replied pointedly. Crab Apple blinked and started walk towards the house. The moment that he was out of sight, Applejack’s gaze turned back to the tan mare before her. “Ah don’t know what kind of game yer trying ta pull here missy-”

“Ap-” Heartbreak began.

Applejack quickly put a hoof up to the mare’s mouth. “Yer not going ta talk unless ah am done talking or ah give ya permission to do so. Is that understood?” Heartbreak’s eyes darted back as fear and uncertainty flooded them. She only slightly nodded. “Good. Now, ah’m gonna give you one more chance here. Did ya at any time leave ma cousin alone at this party?” She asked removing her hoof from Heartbreak’s mouth.

Heartbreak paused apprehensively and then looked down at the ground. “Early in the party I was getting rather...skittish and kind of freaked out by some of the ponies, I needed some air. So I told Dib-”

“His name is Crab Apple, and you best remember that!” Applejack interrupted loudly. She stopped her hoof down on the ground and got up in Heartbreak’s face to drive the point close. “Understand?”

Heartbreak nodded, droplets of sweat peeling down her face. As she spoke her voice started to turn really meek. “S-s-so I told...Crab Apple that I wanted him to go with me outside, b-b-but he said that he wanted to continue to talk with Lyra. After some t-t-talking Lyra said that he could watch him while I got-”

“What?! Hold up a second! Lyra? As in Lyra Heartstrings!?” Applejack shouted pacing back and forth. “Lyra. As in the Lyra that went all crazy on ya in Twilight’s library some time ago an’ who ya said that was, an’ ah quote, ‘a creepy mare,’ Lyra?!”

Heartbreak started to rub her ankles and looked away from Applejack. “Well, she seemed r-r-really nice at the time and I t-t-thought that I would give her a c-c-chance...”

Applejack turned and gave her a questioning look. “Really!? With as much as ya know about us all, ah would have thought that ya’d give at least a bit more thought ta action! Ya know that she was snoopin’ around ma farm tryin’ ta watch ya, right?”

Heartbreak went silent for a few moments before replying “No, I did not know that.”

Applejack stared at her. “Well then, now ya do. So out with the rest of it! Yer normally so chatty with stories, what happened next?!” Heartbreak bit her lip and looked like she was about to tear up.

“I-I-I went outside and got some fresh air,” She replied, her voice trailing to an ashamed whisper.

“And?” Applejack’s question was only met with silence. “Well, seeing that yer so tight lipped, maybe ah should let ya know what Pinkie Pie told me!” Heartbreak drew back as Applejack got a bit closer. “She came gallopin’ here chattin’ ma ear off about how she saw you walkin’ out of the local tea shop!”

“I-I-I’m not used to that many p-p-ponies, A-a-applejack.” She recoiled back even more. “I needed something to c-c-calm my nerves...”

“So ya went an got some fancy shmashy tea! Didn’t we just have a talk about bein’ addicted ta that stuff!?” Applejack said sternly.

“I-i-it’s not an addition, Applejack! I just needed-” Heartbreak began.

“That sounds like an excuse that somepony would go making if they were addicted ta somethin’ there, Heartbreak!” Applejack glared at her directly in the eyes. She wasn’t going to let go of this.

“It’s not an excuse! I went to the shop, had some tea and then came back!” She protested.

“An’ how long were ya gone fer exactly?” Applejack asked. Heartbreak looked at her reluctantly and then back at the ground. A small whisper came from her mouth. “What was that, Heartbreak?”

Heartbreak’s expression dowered and her left eye twitched as she turned away. “Thirty minutes...” she finally said quietly. Disbelief curled over Applejack’s face. “I didn’t mean to be gone-”

“Stop. Talkin’. Now.” Applejack said, trying to hide her anger and disappointment. “Ya had one job here, Heartbreak. One job. An’ ah warned ya of the consequences.” She nodded her head as she mulled over everything that she had heard from this, ‘pony.’ She raised her hoof and pointed it directly at the barn. “Ta night? Yer sleeping in the barn.”

“But I-” Heartbreak’s words were cut short as she saw the look chiseled into Applejack’s face. The only thing to come out of her mouth after the cold stony glare was a quiet whimper.

==============================================================

Applejack took a deep breath as she watched Heartbreak walk away. “Ah’m sure glad that’s done and over with,” She said, turning around and sighing. Just then she heard the bushes rustle next to her and four hooves clatter to the ground.

“Well. I can see why you didn’t get the element of kindness,” Crab Apple said, his glasses glinting in the rising moonlight.

“Crab Apple!” Applejack jumped back in fright. “Ah thought ah told ya ta go back ta the house! How long have ya been there?” She asked worriedly.

“Long enough,” he retorted glaring at her over his glasses. “Long enough to hear the entirety of conversation that just happened!”

“Well, ah’m sorry ya had ta hear that then, but ah told her what would happen if she didn’t keep an eye on ya,” Applejack replied as she started to walk back.

“With as loud as you were, I’m surprised that half of Ponyville didn’t hear you! What the fet!?” Crab Apple shouted as he raced up beside her.

Applejack stopped walking and looked at her cousin. “What did ya just say?”

“I said that you were being exceptionally harsh over what most ponies would call an act of responsibility!” He replied pointedly.

“Not that! That word ya just said.” Applejack replied frowning.

“Which word?” He asked.

“The F-word. The one that Heartbreak uses when she’s upset about somethin’,” Applejack said, nearly staring down her cousin. “Ah don’t want ya usin’ that word. An ah think ya mean, ‘irresponsibility.’”

“Well, I think it’s really appropriate, seeing that I am really upset about this! Seriously, I have heard stories of tax collectors that come to your farm with more empathy and understanding than you just demonstrated!” Crab Apple growled, glaring back. “And what do you mean, ‘irresponsibility!?’”

“Ah mean that she left ya with a questionable pony! Lyra! An ah did what had ta be done. Ah told her what would happen if she-” Applejack started.

“There is nothing wrong with Lyra, thank-you-very-much!” As he shouted an angry flush went over his cheeks. “And you could have been a lot nicer and reacted a lot better about it just now! H.B. told me a lot about what has been happening here, Applejack! And I have to say, and for all the family that I go summer with, you have been the most crummy!” Crab Apple interrupted. “And the way you just treated her shows it!”

“Look, ya don’t know what Heartbreak is actually like or what her situation is,” Applejack said, looking down and away from her cousin. With the way he was talking, she could feel herself fighting to out right yell at him.

“I know that what you just did most likely didn’t make it any better!” He said stomping his hooves down on the ground. “And she goes by ‘H.B.’!”

“Look Crab Apple-” Applejack started.

Crab Apple glared as his cousin and pushed his glasses up. “The name is Dib.”

Applejack blinked in confusion and looked worried. “Not only are ya taking her side here, but yer going by that nickname she tagged ya with?”

“It’s a far better name than Crab Apple!” Dib replied.

“Hey, Crabulous is a proud Apple Family name!” Applejack shouted.

“And I hate it! I get teased and picked on for it!” He pointed a hoof at Applejack. “But that is beside the point! A point that H.B. taught me!”

“Which was?!” Applejack said in disbelief.

Dib calmed himself. “Which is if you keep telling ponies something that isn’t true for long enough, they’ll start believing it themselves.” Applejack blinked at her cousin’s statement as he pushed up his glasses. “I have been called, ‘Crab Apple’ for so long that I couldn’t think of myself as anything but that. Then along comes H.B. and just out of the blue gives me a different name. And suddenly things change. I see things in a light that I might not have seen them before. And while she did leave me at the convention, she didn’t leave me unattended. What’s more,” Dib glared at her, “She came back. She didn’t abandon me.”

Applejack tried to calm herself down. Her fifteen year old cousin was acting more like an adult than she was. “That’s not the point! The point is that she disobeyed me and now has ta pay the consequences! Ah wasn’t makin’ idle threats here!”

Dib’s brow furrowed. “Then you’re going to have to punish me too!”

“An’ why in tarnation would ah have ta do that?” Applejack asked, looking at her cousin as if he had just stepped in a pile of manure.

“Because I was the one who said that it was alright that she could go and leave me alone for a few minutes! I told her that I would be fine with Lyra. You should have seen how hesitant she was in leaving me alone with Lyra!” Dib stood tall at his next statement. “If she’s going to sleep in the barn tonight, then so should I!”

Applejack blanched at the thought of her cousin even near that pony. “Like Hay you are!” She took a deep breath. She needed to calm him down so that she could calm down. “You aren’t the adult here. Ah am and so is she. We’re meant ta be the responsible ones here, not you. You’re just-” She paused.

Dib’s gaze focused intensely on Applejack. “Just what, Applejack? Still a minor? Age of consent but not a full adult? Oh I see how it is,” Dib replied, his eyes rolling in large arcs. “The great, noble and honest Applejack’s word is law! All hail she who was chosen from the humble Apple Clan to wield one of the Elements of Harmony!”

“Hey now! It ain’t like that!” Applejack said as her cousin’s words started to sting. “Ah didn’t choose ma element! It chose me! It doesn’t make me any better than all ya all! Where is all this comin’ from anyway!?”

Dib’s face twitched and he looked at the ground. “While most of the rest of the family says not to treat you any differently, Applejack, they don’t act it.” He ground his hoof into the dirt. “They celebrate your accomplishments and cheer you on, priding themselves on what you’ve done. You’ve grown big and tall in their eyes. And while they say that you’re an Apple just like everypony else in the family?” He looked up at her, his glasses flashed in the moonlight. “You cast a pretty big shadow. The rest of us? Especially some of us cousins have to live in that shadow. We have to work extra hard to grow because you set the bar for the rest of us that high.”

Applejack blinked, her mouth slightly agape. “Ah..” She began.

“Let me finish! My parents might not say it to my face, but I have gotten pretty good at sneaking around. You know why they have been sending me here every year for the past five years, Applejack? It’s because they want me to be more like you.” He shook his head. “And for a year or two, that’s what I thought I wanted too. But then I realized that you, like the rest of the family, didn’t want me around. I’m the weird one, the odd one, the apple who’s out of place! And then along comes a pony named, ‘Heartbreak’ who doesn’t treat me like a nuisance or like I’m just taking up space! Who actually listens to me and is willing to take me places that she might not be comfortable with at first, but is willing to give them a try! She doesn’t go, ‘Oh Hay Crab Apple! Yer Here! Let’s go buck apples!’”

Applejack’s demeanor softened slightly. “Ah had no idea ya all felt that way.”

“Well some of us do! We know you can’t help be who you are, but sometimes some of us feel like we’re expected to live up to your standards.” He frowned. “But if this is what it’s like to be you? Like H.B. would say. ‘Fet that.’”

Applejack’s face twisted up. For a moment, her cousin was sounding like an actual rational, responsible adult who was sounding reasonable. Up until he said those last two words. “What’d ah say about using that word!” She shook her head. “For a moment ya almost got me thinkin’ that Heartbreak was a good influence on ya!”

Rage flared in Dib’s eyes. “Ugh! You are impossible, Applejack!” He turned away towards the house. “H.B. might have her problems, her issues and the like, but as far as influences go?” He looked back at her. “She’s a far better influence than you are right now!”

Applejack’s face was marred with pain at her cousin’s cutting words. “Well...ya know what...” She started as Dib trotted towards the house. “Hey! Get back here! Ah’m not done talking ta ya!” The only response she got was the slamming of the house door. Applejack felt a tear roll down her burning cheeks. “Fine! Be that way! Yer gonna sleep in Applebloom’s bed tanight!” She shouted impotently.

==============================================================

Dib looked at his saddle bags. Applejack had taken her sweet time getting back to the house and was now huddled away in her room. She hadn’t said anything to him after returning. He had waited half an hour to make sure that she was asleep. The whole time he had been staring at his saddle bags.

He had garnered many treasures from the day’s con. Drawings, woodcuts, contact information and the like. There was one treasure in that bag that was greater than all of those things combined. One treasure that, with what had just happened between A.J. and him, was causing him conflicting feelings. He took it out of his saddlebag and looked it over carefully.
“An HLC communication crystal. Amazing what new tech has come about ever since the Crystal Empire reappeared. With this device, I can talk to anypony who has the receiving crystal.” Dib blinked. “I already know all that, why am I talking to myself about it?” He sighed. “I must be nervous, and why wouldn’t I be? Lyra’s on the other side of this thing and most likely,” he swallowed hard. “She heard that whole thing. I must have sounded like a little colt-”

The crystal glowed and pulsed as a hushed voice came through it. “Dib? Are you there?” Dib pulled it close to him and quickly crept to the closet. Slipping in he quietly closed the door. “Dib?” It asked in Lyra’s voice.

“Yeah, I’m here. I’m guessing you heard everything that happened out there, didn’t you?” He asked.

“It was muffled, but yes. I heard all of it,” came the reply. Dib looked at the crystal feeling ashamed of himself. He shouldn’t have lost his temper like that. He wouldn’t normally have lost his temper like that. “And I think you did the right thing.”

“You do?” He whispered.

“Yes. Your cousin totally blew this out of proportion. Maybe even a little too much if you ask me,” Lyra replied. “Almost makes me think that she might actually know about H.B.”

Dib blinked. “You mean she knows that H.B. could be a werequine?”

There was a pause in the pulsing and then a reply. “Yes. It makes sense, right? It was like she was trying to overcompensate, to keep you from getting too close to the truth of the matter.”

“Which is something I’m worried about, Lyra.” Dib sniffed hard. “If we learn the truth about H.B., how is that going to help her?”

“It will help her in that she’ll know that she’s not alone, that she can have support from ponies like us if ever the real conspiracy is blown out of the water. And most importantly,” There was another pause. “She’ll be able to stand up to ponies like Applejack. She’ll be able to show them that she’s not afraid. Don’t worry Dib, everything will work out. But we need to show her that we know her secret, and that we are trustworthy enough to keep that secret.”

Dib nodded. If he could get her to see that he was trying to help her, she could come out about what she really was, expose the lies around them and never be afraid again.

“Do you still have everything I gave you?” Lyra asked.

“Yes. Some of it is a bit questionable, but if you say that it will work, then I’m willing to try for H.B.’s sake.” He replied looking out at his window and at the barn.

Heart of Stone

Chapter 42

Heart of Stone

I don’t know how long it has been since the time Applejack chewed me out for abandoning her cousin at the con. An hour? Two hours? Fuck, why am I guessing? I still have my mechanical pencil with me. It can tell me the time.

“That’s if you can get it out, you inept twit.” My eye twitches at that thought; a thought of narcissistic self loathing. Lying in the hay, I try to shrug this feeling off. The feeling of disapproval, the feeling that I disappointed someone, or in this case: somepony. “That’s right, somepony. Next thing you know, you’ll be referring to yourself in the same way. Look at you, lying here in the hay like you deserve.”

This is one my shameful secrets from my childhood that I never shared with anyone, or never liked to share with others. I mean, who would tell others about the imaginary friend that told you all the bad things you shouldn’t think about yourself, but that you’re going to think anyway? That sort of thing gets you weird looks by the adults, and trips to the school counselor.

I sniff hard and mentally glare at that voice. Oh, she’s not really a real voice. She’s my own thoughts and I know it. But it’s one of those things that we sometimes do to ourselves. Pretend that the voice in the back of our heads that tells us things, horrible things, isn’t ourselves but something else or someone else. It’s supposed to make the pain seem less harsh. A way to say to ourselves later on, ‘Oh, but they don’t know what they are talking about.’ Or we can laugh at them and tell them to shut up.

I don’t think that most people go as far as to name their self doubts though. “Ah, but you’re not like most -ponies-, are you, you stupid -mare-?” I sniff hard. “Shut up, Gothbunny.”

I don’t remember the precise moment when she came to me. But this bright pink, anthropomorphized, skinny, black wearing, goth bunny has been with me for a long time. I think back to my childhood when these painful self doubts would pull on my heartstrings after I got punished by my parents. I would lay on my bed with my pillow covering my face, wondering I was....no that’s a stupid thought. “Worthy of love? Of friendship? If your parents loved you?” Gothbunny hisses.

Back on Earth, these feelings were painful, but if you happen to have a y-chromosome? You’re told to suppress these emotions; fight them off. Guys aren’t supposed to feel stuff. Even the most sensitive guy is told to cover it up. It doesn’t bother you. It shouldn’t bother you. And while I got better about my emotions and more accepting on how to express them properly as I grew, old childhood habits cling to us.

These emotions were hard enough to handle. I got better with them in the last ten years of my life back on Earth, but I was still very much a loner offline. Except when it came to the fur meets. Before I was a brony, I was a furry, and to me the two just were overlapping genre. Furry taught me things. Like how to respect personal boundaries and express my emotions better. Ponies came along and taught me to be comfortable with the fact that I could like something cute and innocent looking and still be, ‘a man,’ about it.

But now with the whole, ‘switched genders,’ bit? Gothbunny is ringing back in my ears. Reminding me that I am - “A disappointment. You’re unwanted here. Applejack recognizes what you are to everything you touch. A poison that destroys all enjoyment, all happiness and leaves behind nothing but sorrow and misery.”

I can almost hear her having a voice of her own. It’s a harsh rolling voice that grates on my nerves. I swear I could imagine her sitting next to me smoking a clove cigarette...In the walls I hear chittering and squeaking. Mice? Rats?

“How does it feel...knowing that, to these kind strangers, you’re nothing but a leech. Feeding off their hard work and kindness...just like you always have...Just like you always will...Hear those creatures living in the wall? It would be a blessing if they just came in here and clawed out your-”

“I Said Shut Up, Gothbunny!” I shout angrily, slamming my hooves on the hay. I take a deep breath and pull the stuff to me in my arms creating a makeshift pillow. I feel an itch coming from my right hoof. I lift it up and roll my eyes at myself. There is a small bundle of I guess you would call, ‘hay-straws’ lodged loosely in my hoof-hole. “Much as I expected, you can’t even keep that thing-” “Shut It!”

I let out a long, drawn out sigh. So this is it. This is how I deal with my problems now. I lay in the hay like an animal and talk to myself. The only thing that could make this worse is if some-

“H.B.? Who are you-” Comes a quiet whisper from behind me. It causes me to freak and jump up suddenly. I expect a scream to come out of my mouth, but the universe must think that it’s being funny or something because the only thing I hear is a bleating noise and suddenly I find myself on my back, my legs stiffened in the air. “-talking to?”

I shake my legs a bit and find the stiffness leaving them. Great, it’s official. I am a, ‘Stuttershy.’ Sighing I roll back over. “Myself, Dib,” I finally admit. If I am going to have a little mental breakdown, I might as well be honest about it.

“Oh,” he replies curtly. Not exactly the response I was expecting but, it’s better than, ‘OMIGAWD, URCRAZILOLOLOLOL!’
I snirk at myself. Any response is better than that strangely imagined response, brain. “Don’t mind me, Dib. I’m just frustrated with myself, this situation and the fact that I just got hay in my hoof.” I start to pull golden straw stuff out of my hoof-hole. Half of me hopes that this stuff tastes better than I have made it out to taste. And the answer is: No. It tastes exactly like it should taste. Dry, old, crunchy, stiff grass. With the ever so unpleasant prick of dry grass shards pricking my tongue. I start to feel myself tear up. Darn it-pull yourself together! No freaking out in front of the kid! I sniff hard and frown. “You shouldn’t be here you know. I didn’t hear everything from here, but I am getting the impression that A.J. doesn’t want you being around me.”

“You’re my friend, H.B.,” Dib replies. Something about the way he says that strikes a cord. “And Applejack was in the wrong.”

I roll my eyes. “I wasn’t in the right here either, Dib.” I bite my lower lip. “I mean Crab Apple...”

“Like I told Applejack,” he pauses. “My name is Dib.”

“Still, if your cousin catches you out here, it’s not going to look good for either one of us.” Fuck. Seriously kid, would you just turn around and go back to the house!? I don’t need some overly emotional moment that sounds like it could be pulled from the script of a bad anime.

“I just want to do something to help you, H.B.,” He replies.

I take another deep breath. “Everyp-p-pony seems like they want to help me, Dib. And they do it without really understanding my situation. Right now there is little that I can even do about my situation. I’m stuck,” I pause trying to think of the right words, “At the moment. And there isn’t anything I can do about it.” “Other than be a big sulky butt.” “The best thing we can all do is just let your cousin sleep on the situation and we’ll talk about it like adults in the morning. There really isn’t anything that you can do about it, Dib.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, H.B.” I hear something rustling behind me. “I can help you...with this!”

==============================================================

Heartbreak needed to set this colt straight about things. “Seriously Dib, I doubt that there is anything in the whole of Equestria that can-” Her words were cut off by the sight of what Dib was doing behind her and replaced with a horrified ‘Flutter-scream.’

Dib was standing over H.B. on his hind legs with a rubber chicken clenched in his teeth. “Ooo Ee OO AH AH TING TANG WALLA WALLA BING BANG! I command you to revert to your true form!” He swung the rubber chicken about in his mouth widely.

Heartbreak’s look of horror melted away as she finally processed what he was doing. Still, the blank look of confusion mingled with fear didn’t leave her face. “Diiiib, what are you doing?”

Dib continued to wave the rubber chicken around wildly. “What’s it look like?! I’m trying to help you!”

Heartbreak started to slowly back away into the hay behind her. “Help me?! Help me with what?! And why are you waving a rubber chicken!?”

“It’s the only way that we can get your true nature to show!” he said through his teeth.

“What the fet are you going on about Dib!? And can you stop that?! You’re scaring me!” Heartbreak replied in a panicked voice.

“You don’t have to put up this act with me, H.B.!” Dib said, falling back to all fours. “I know what you truly are!”

A worried twitch ran across Heartbreak’s face. “What?!”

“Yes! Lyra and me figured it out! We saw the signs!” He came close to Heartbreak, rubber chicken still in his mouth. “And we want to help you!”

“Seriously Dib, I have no idea what you’re babbling about!” Heartbreak replied, quickly backing into the hay.

“You don’t have to hide it from me, H.B.!” His hoof shot up into the air. “You’re a werequine! A survivor of the Pony-Human war that took place before Equestria was established! A descendant of some poor human that was transformed into a pony just so they could stay in Equestria, only to be banished by the Princess to the desolate colony of Mineighsota! And I am here to help you revert back to your true form!”

Heartbreak’s face went totally blank for a moment as she once again, tried to process what she had just heard. Finally, a strained and dazed response fell out of her mouth. “...What?”

“You heard me! I know what you really are and-” Dib started.

Heartbreak shook her head and grimaced, she refocused on the utter confusion and illogic that stood before her. “Dib! Please! Stop this!”

“I-” Dib started.

“I really have no idea what you are talking about! But you are really scaring me!” Heartbreak pleaded.

Dib looked at the pony before him. There were tears forming in her eyes and she was shaking. He backed away in confusion, his teeth still clenching the rubber chicken. “I can help,” he started. “We can get you back to-”

She took a deep breath. “Dib,” she said, her words shaking just as much as her legs as she pushed herself up. “Does it look like I am transforming to you?”

Dib backed away, shaking his head. “Maybe it takes some time!”

Heartbreak took a deep breath. “Please Dib, I’m not whatever you think I am. You’re confused and you’re scaring me...I’m not this, ‘werequine,’ thing you’re talking about. I need you to calm down, because if you don’t, your cousins will hear you and come running to the barn to see what is happening. And if they do that, then we’re both in trouble.”

Dib looked down and then around. This all did seem really ridiculous, but a thought coursed through his mind. “Well...If you’re not one, then why did you lie to me!?”

Heartbreak’s face momentarily lost composure. “Lie to you about what?”

“Admit it! You never had a pet named Fingers! That was all a cover up for the truth!” Dib replied angrily. “You’re hiding something! Admit it!”

==============================================================

Fuck. Dib has no idea how close to the truth he actually is. If you were to take out the convoluted backstory? That’s what I am, sorta. Except I can’t - Darn it H.B.! Focus! If you let this go on for too long, A.J. is going to find you in the barn with her cousin! And that is just as bad as her finding her in the kitchen with her brother! I take a deep breath, how do I fix this sort of thing? Damn it, Lyra!

Looking into his eyes I see a mix of emotions: confusion, anger, fear and...hope? I have been terrible at reading emotions all my life, but a thought comes to me. This is about his dream. He wants this thing to be true so badly. Damn it, looks like I am going to have to cover this lie up with another one. Good thing that crying on cue has become almost second nature.
“Alright, I am hiding something, Dib. But for a good reason.” I look him in the eyes. “The truth hurts.”
“Aha! I knew it! Then you-” Dib starts.
“I’m not what you think I am Dib.” Alright, time to put on the sad face. Gawds, I feel terrible doing this. I’m a fake, a manipulator and a liar. But I need him to calm down and get back to the house. I think carefully over the next words that will come out of my mouth. “But even if I was, is this how you want your first contact to happen?”

Dib blinks and looks at me with a confused but thinking glance. “Huh?”

“Please Dib, put down the rubber chicken, and I’ll explain with a story that Minneighsotans tell.” Fuck! Do I have time for a story? How do I condense the thoughts in my head into something that will get my point across?! “But I need you to calm down and put the rubber chicken down.” Well, there’s a sentence I thought I would never utter in fear.

Dib blinks and slowly lowers his head and sets the rubber chicken to his side. “Alright,” he pauses. “Let’s hear it.”

Holy crap, it worked.

Wait...Fuck, it worked. Now I’m going to have to tell a story. I rack my brain for something, anything that will do. Wait. Yeah. I can make that story work. It needs a bit of tweaking but if I do it right...Better make it short and sweet. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

“Once upon a time, as all stories begin, there was a sculptor named Stone Heart. But not just any sculptor, a sculptor who was a master at anything he put his hooves to. Be it clay, wood, rock, ice, crystal or metal, if somep-p-pony wanted something created, he was the one to go to.

“Once Stone began a task, he would not stop until it was finished. And it wasn’t finished until he said it was. Many a p-p-pony hated him for this because it meant that they had to wait a great long while. But he would tell them, ‘Your patience will be rewarded.’

“And rewarded it was. His statues were finely detailed, his carvings looked as if they would jump off the walls and dance, his ice creations looked almost like they were a crystal pony frozen in the stance of waiting for some love that would never come. But for all his work, all his effort and all his talent, there was a secret that Stone kept to himself. You see, he was incredibly lonely.”

Dib is looking at me as if he is captivated, his mane is depuffing, his demeanor is calming down. That’s good, unfortunately, but if you’ll forgive a turn of phrase, I can only see this ending in heartbreak.

“There would be many a mare who would come to him with intentions to ask him out on dates and the like, but always he would turn them down. Most would say that he was a tragic artist caught up in his own work, but really, it was because he set his standards too high. Nop-p-pony seemed right to him. But at the same time his loneliness was consuming him.

“So one night he decided that if he couldn’t find a somep-p-pony special that was perfect. He’d make a somep-p-pony special that was perfect. And so he set to work on his perfect bride. He went and acquired a deep rich brown clay for her body, the most beautiful blue crystals for her eyes and black ebony wood for her mane and tail. Then he set to work.
“Normally these three things are hard enough to handle and making them fit right was a difficult task even for a pony like Stone. But fit them together he did. For months he labored, endlessly putting in as much detail as he could. Foregoing sleep, almost never eating, working endlessly and obsessively. ‘My patience will be rewarded.’ He would tell himself. And when the pieces were done, rewarded it was.

“Her body was perfect in form, from her shoulders to her withers. Her eyes sparkled beautifully, despite being out of their sockets. And her mane and tail were so finely detailed that had you not touched them? You would never know they were made of wood. And yet, something was missing. In a stroke of the moment of creative insanity, he decided to add one more thing.”

Dib blinks. He’s looking at me in the bewilderment of ‘why the fuck is she telling me this story?’ But at the same time, he seems to want to know what happens. “What was that?” He asks me.

“A heart. He went searching for this heart in the middle of the night, digging in a local field were gems were abundant. He dug up many a good gem, but again, he was looking for the perfect one. So he kept digging through out the night, believing that his perfect love would be waiting for him at home. He dug and dug, but no gem seemed perfect enough, it was only when the first rays of morning light stung his eyes, did he finally spy what he sought. A beautiful bright red gem of the perfect shape and size.

“He grabbed the stone and held it tightly before laying a kiss on one of its many facets. ‘You,’ he said sighing with content. ‘You are for the one I shall love.’ And so, exhausted and drained, he rushed back to his maiden of clay, crystal and ebony. And there in the wee hours of the morning, with the last ounce of strength he had, he pushed the gemstone right into it’s final resting place before passing out.

“When he woke up, he was startled to find something strange. Somep-p-pony had placed a blanket over him in the middle of the night and there was the sound of a breakfast cooking. He walked out to the kitchen and heard somep-p-pony singing with a most beautiful voice. Peering in, he saw a strange mare over his stove. She had a glossy brown coat, a flowing ebony mane and tail and when she turned to face him, sparkling blue eyes. She smiled and looked up at him.

“‘Good morning, my love,’ she said happily.”

Loose Ends

Chapter 43

Loose Ends

Applejack lay in her comfortable warm bed staring at the ceiling. Her eyes were wide open and the sound of the old grandfather clock downstairs echoed in her ears. She didn’t know how long she had spent trying to get comfortable, or even how long she had been laying there staring at her ceiling, but the thoughts of what her cousin had said kept ringing through her ears.

“She’s a far better influence than you are right now!”

She grimaced and rolled to her side, eyes tightly clenched to keep from letting those words bring any tears to them. But it was to almost no avail, she turned over once again.

Those words stung more than anything right now. Crab Apple might not have been the most liked among all the Apple clan- He was argumentative, sometimes difficult to calm down, had some really odd behavior, strange obsessions, and not to mention a dislike for the family business. But he was still an Apple. Those words of his cut deeper than anything right now.

“Dern-it! Ah’m the one in the right here.”she thought, more to herself than anypony else, “It was irresponsible for her ta go leavin’ him alone fer that long! An ah told her the consequences of what would happen if she ignored me!” She sighed and looked to her right. In her dresser mirror she spied a pony that she didn’t recognize. Her mane was a frazzled mess and she wore worry-lines under her sad eyes. “Ah’m in the right here...aren’t ah?” She let out a long sigh. “Ya get yerself flustered over this choice any more, an it’s gonna set off Rarity’s fashion senses.” She rubbed her eyes and looked at the pony in the mirror. It pained her to see herself like this.

“Dern it! Ah. Am. In. The. Right!” Staring at the pony in the mirror was almost as bad as the look on Heartbreak’s face when she brought up what happened on the train. The feeling was becoming too much. “Look at yerself, A.J. Here ya are, actin’ all high and mighty like Crab Apple was accusin’ ya of being, while at the same time ya tell-” Applejack paused as she caught herself on the pony’s name. She shook her head. “-H.B. ta be more honest, when ya can’t even do it yerself.”

She tried to pull her blanket closer to herself, as if the truth of the words were some bitter chill. Raising her head, she looked out the window at the dimly lit barn. She was angry with that pony and yet at the same time, she was just so sad looking that not wanting to help her was sending her into a downward spiral of guilt. Applejack glared at herself. “An’ yer settin’ a wonderful example fer her ta get better by actin’ exactly like her. Wallowin’ in yer own self pity. If Granny Smith could see ya now, A.J...”

“Ffffffetlocks!” She grumbled as she threw the blanket off herself and rolled out of bed. She covered her mouth and looked worried. “Dern it, now she’s got me doing it too.” She looked back out the window and sighed. “Ah could have been nicer about this. Ah should’a been nicer about this. But like Granny Smith says, ‘Would’a, could’a and should’a haven’t done anythin’ fer anypony. It’s Do, Can and Will that get the job done.” She walked out of her room and down the stairs. “What ya gonna do, A.J.? Apologize fer being so harsh and hope that she accepts it.” She stepped outside into the cool night air. “What can ya do about what happened taday? Talk things over and learn everythin’ that happened.” She walked towards the barn. “Now what will ya do once that is all over there, A.J.?” She paused as she heard the hushed sounds of muffled voices. One was definitely Heartbreak, but the other?

“Crab Apple?” She said in a hushed voice as a spike of anger hit her core. “No. What will ya do about all this? That all depends on what ya find out here and how them two react.” She crept closer to the barn and edged near the door, careful not to make a single sound. She peered carefully near the frame.

There was Heartbreak backed into the hay, her cousin was standing in front of her with what looked like a rubber chicken in his mouth. She looked terrified. Her cousin was pointing his hoof at her and appeared to just have finished saying something that she couldn’t quite make out. Then, almost if by magic, Heartbreak appeared to be calming down.
Applejack strained her ears to hear exactly what she was saying. “Please Dib, put down the rubber chicken, and I’ll explain with a story that Minneighsotans tell.”

“Ah could come in there an’ demand ta know what’s going on...but,” Applejack swallowed hard. “That just might cause the both of them ta shut down an’ make things worse. Alright...H.B., let’s see what ya got.”

“But I need you to put the rubber chicken down,” Heartbreak said, her voice shaky.

Crab Apple paused for a moment and lowered his head. “Alright,” he pauses. “Let’s hear it.”

Applejack was taken back. “Ah can’t believe it. He almost never caves like that.” Heartbreak’s voice dropped to a low tone as she started her story. Applejack leaned against the door frame, but try as she might, she just couldn’t quite make out the words. “Dern it! Ah’m missin’ out!” Applejack crept as quickly as she could to the side of the barn. There was a knot hole in one of the boards near the ground. “Heh, Crab Apple ain’t the only sneaky one in this here family!” She thought, laying down near the hole to listen.

==============================================================

I find myself studying Dib’s...Crab Apple’s reactions here. Which compared to humans? Is a lot easier. No offense to my former species, but faces sometimes just don’t convey enough emotion for me to register sometimes.

His head tilts in wonder at this sudden turn. “So, the statue that he worked on, came to life?” Good, he’s asking questions. It’s time to wrap this up and bring it home with a hard hitting lesson. Thinking about what I am about to do pains me. Cause it looks like I am going to have to do what the Counsel said I do.

I’m going to have to break his heart.

I nod my head. “She stood there in the kitchen and she was as beautiful as he had imagined her to be. And more. ‘My name is, ‘Ruby Cobblestone,’ she said breaking the silence that had grown between them. He sat down at the table and she served him his breakfast. ‘How is this even possible?’ he asked her. She simply tilted her head and smiled before kissing him on the cheek.”

He gives me a grossed out look of sorts. I snirk and roll my eyes, he is after all still just a kid.

“The two of them were, happy,” I hesitate, “For a time. But Stone Heart wasn’t satisfied with the answer his new bride gave him. And as time progressed, he found himself less and less satisfied with her too.”

Crab Apple is giving me the ‘What a Jerk!’ face. Fuck. Bring it home already! “Weeks passed, and the secret of what had brought her to life started to grate on his nerves. Why had she come to life? He wanted to understand, he needed to understand. Before long, he found himself watching her. Studying her. Digging up old tomes of knowledge just to see if he could find anything that had allowed him to bring his dream-mare to life. But it was to no avail.

“Soon it became too much for him. ‘The Gem!’ he thought to himself. It has to be the gem! One night he snuck into their bedroom where she lay sleeping. Quietly, methodically, he crept to where she lay on their bed. She was on her back, her chest rising and falling. Almost as she was actually alive. The ruby crystal was still embedded right where her heart should be...” I look up at him with a dead seriousness. He’s frightened. I guess Ruby here is a more likeable character than Stone. “And then he quickly plucked the gemstone from her barrel and glared at it between his hooves. ‘Why!? Why did you bring her to life?!’ She shouted at the top of his lungs. That’s when he heard Ruby gasping. He looked over at her, her eyes were filled with clay tears, they no longer looked real, but like chiseled crystal. Her mane was wooden and a gaping hole was in her chest. ‘It...was...your...dream...your...love...’ she gasped. Stone Heart only then realized too late his mistake. His hooves trembled in horror and the gem that had been tenuously balancing on them fell to the ground, shattering to a million pieces.” Crab Apple is looking at me, horrified. “The End.”

He shakes his head vigorously and blinks several times.. “I...” He doesn’t know what to think of this story. I kind of don’t either. I am finding myself feeling more for Ruby than I am for Stone. He looks at me with sad confusion in his eyes. “Why would anypony tell that sort of story? What does that have to do with-”

“We Minneighsotans tell this story for a historical reason. So that we don’t forget what’s happened.” Alright, that part is bullshit, but I need some reason as to why I am telling this crapfest of a story. I put my hoof up to interrupt him. “Because you have a dream, C-crab Apple. A dream that you want so badly. So badly that you would do anything to see it through.” He stares at the ground. I really hope that I have achieved what I wanted with this thing. I raise my hoof to his chin and have him look me in the eye. “But you have to ask yourself: Do I want to catch my dream, or do you want to crush your dream? Because despite the fact that I’m not what you think I am, even if I was, is this how you want your first contact to be? Do you want it to be a thing of wonder, enchantment and understanding? Or do you want it to be a thing of fear, terror and misunderstanding? Because if I was this thing that you were talking about, I would most likely react in a terrified way to what you were just doing.”

He blinks. There are disappointed tears in his eyes. “I-I,” he pushes my hoof away. “I thought I was helping.” He looks down at the ground, ashamed. “I feel like such an idiot now.”

Crap, now we’re going to have to have a touchy-feely moment. “You aren’t an idiot, Cra-”

He looks at me. “Call me, ‘Dib,’ please.” He says quietly.

“Ok, Dib,” I reply as calmly and collectedly as possible. Which of course isn’t how I am really feeling. Inside I am freaking out.

He sniffs hard. “You hate me now don’t you?”

Fuck, I really hope that my mopiness isn’t like a contagion or something. “No Dib, I don’t hate you. I mean how could I? You’re, uhm, an interesting young p-p-pony. You’re kinda like me. You’re smart, inquisitive and, uhm, passionate about your hobbies. But sometimes you need to be a little more rational about things.” Good grief. It feels like I am destroying his innocence in all this. I mean, maybe I’m not, but still. “If you remember to keep a cool head about things, who knows what you can do?”

He nods. “H.B.?” I look at him. “I didn’t mean for you to get sent to the barn. I should have come with you when you asked me to.” He sniffs.

There is a well of emotion that kinda creeps up on me. Fuck, come on, not right now. “Come on now, it’s not totally your fault. What’s done is done. I broke the one rule your cousin gave me.” I sigh. “She was a bit harsh dishing said punishment, but...” Mentally I roll my eyes at myself. “She does love and care about you, Dib. And the last thing I want to do is to cause problems between family members.” I give him a half cocked grin. “So you ought to get out of here before she comes out here and finds the two of us here in the barn together. We’ll talk more tomorrow, right?”

He rolls his eyes at me. “I’m not sure if she’ll let us talk again. What’s more, I’m leaving tomorrow...”

“I’ll talk to Applejack then, explain the situation better. She’s sure to have cooled down after a night’s sleep. Don’t worry, things will be fine,” I reply.

He looks at me all hopeful like. “I’m really sorry about this, H.B. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

I roll my eyes. “We’ve been over this, Dib. You weren’t thinking. Things between us are O.K. And we’ll talk more tomorrow. Now get out of here before I start thinking that you’re just stalling.”

He bites his lower lip and nods, before trotting towards the barn door. “Alright.” He turns briefly before exiting. “Good night, H.B.”

I nod and smile a bit at him. “Good night, Dib.”

Closer Than You Imagine

Chapter 44

Closer Than You Imagine

Applejack stuck to the shadows as she watched her cousin creep towards the house. She watched him creep to the side of it, shimmy the drain pipe and slip back through his bedroom window. “So that’s how he’s been doin’ it.” She lowered her head and looked through the knot hole at Heartbreak. The pony was visibly shaken and was burying her face in her hooves. She glared at the rubber chicken that was near her and smacked it away. The way that things were going, it looked like she wasn’t going to get a good night’s sleep. “An she has enough trouble with that as it is. Alright A.J., time ta make good.”

She walked to the barn door and rapped on it with her hoof. “H.B.?”

Heartbreak looked up and nearly jumped back into the hay behind her. “Applejack!” she shouted.

Applejack put a hoof up. “Calm down,” she said soothingly. “Ah think we need ta have another talk.”

Heartbreak blinked and then rolled her eyes before her head drooped down. “You were by the barn for that entire thing, weren’t you?”

“Uhm...How’d ya know?” Applejack asked.

“Lucky guess. Or maybe just cosmic irony,” Heartbreak replied. “How much of that mess did you hear?”

Applejack chuckled. “Ah got to hear most of that story of yers.”

Heartbreak rolled her eyes. “And here I was hoping that thing would never see the light of day.”

Applejack rapped her hoof on the door frame. “Right, ah’m just gonna come out an’ say what needs ta be said.” She looked up at Heartbreak. “Yer a confusin’ critter an’ it’s hard to know what ta make of ya. An’ ah haven’t been the best of teachers here. Ah’m not saying that ya weren’t wrong in leavin’ ma cousin like that. Ah’m not sayin’ ah was right in punishin’ ya.”

“But we’ve both said and did some things that we didn’t mean to do?” Heartbreak asked.

Applejack nodded. “An’ ah’m sure that we’re both sorry for it. What’s more, ya actually calmed...Dib down and got him ta see rational like. And that’s no easy feat.”

Heartbreak traced her hoof on the ground. “I just told him a terrible story.”

“Don’t put yerself down like that there, H.B.” Applejack said. Heartbreak looked up upon hearing her preferred name. “This was a long, mind boggling difficult trek here, but,” Applejack sighed, “Ya did good here. An’ ah know we’ve been through this song an dance before. But after givin’ a bit of thought, ah would really like it if ya came back in the house.” Heartbreak looked taken back. “Don’t give me that look, if ya know me like ya go on about, then ya should know that ah am willin’ to admit to when ah’ve, uhm... fetted up?”

Heartbreak jumped a little at hearing Applejack use her word. “Yeah, that would be the right way to use that word.”

“Right. Now come on. Let’s get back ta the house before we both catch a cold,” Applejack said.

“Wait, Uhm, Applejack?” Heartbreak said, pushing herself up off the ground.

“What is it there, H.B.? An’ ya are welcome ta call me A.J. if ya like,” she said with a soft smile.

Heartbreak returned that look before speaking. “I got some hay in my hoof. You mind helping me get it out, please?”

Applejack couldn’t help but smirk. “Ah wouldn’t mind a bit, there, H.B. Come on now.”

==============================================================

Dib re-entered his room. He was shaking with so many different feelings. H.B. had said that things were ok between them, but that didn’t make the feelings of guilt and shame go away. How could he have been so stupid?! How could he have been so wrong!? What was the saying that his sister kept using? ‘Only foals rush in?' He looked at his saddle bag.

“Lyra,” he growled. He had trusted her. Listened to her. Tried to help her in her dead ended quest. He was so tempted to smash the communication crystal and just be done with the whole HLC thing. He paused. “No, be rational and keep a cool head. Talk to her and confront her about this.”

He took the crystal out of his bag. It flickered with a bit of indigo light. “Lyra? Are you there? We need to talk.” Dib waited for a few moments. “Lyra-” The crystal jumped to life and a horrible sobbing sound emanated from it. “Lyra?” The only response was crying. “Lyra? Are you ok?” Dib asked with concern.

A hard sniffing came through. “I...I heard everything, Dib...”

Dib blanched and realized that the crystal had been receiving the entire time. “E-everything?”

“Yes,” she replied. “Everything. Ugh! What was I thinking?! How could I have you do this!?” Her voice went to a quiet hush. “I’m a horrible pony...”

In the back of Dib’s mind there was a voice that said, ‘Yes, yes you are.” He stifled it with an internal glare. After all, didn’t he just have this conversation with H.B.? How could he yell at her and demean her like he was about to when a pony named Heartbreak just practically forgave him? He cleared his throat.

“You are not a horrible pony, Lyra. You were just confused and wanted to catch your dream...our dream, so badly that you couldn’t see that we were in danger of crushing it,” he replied. “I think that we can all see this as something to maybe learn from?”

Lyra sniffed from the other end. “Y-Yeah. Next time I won’t take strange folders from ponies so pale that vanilla ice cream has colour in comparison,” she replied bitterly.

Dib blinked. “Uhm, yeah, that’s a good idea. And I think you should try to make it up to H.B. I don’t think she knows that you were involved in any of this, but...” he paused. “If she’s as smart as I am, it won’t take her long to put the pieces together.”

==============================================================

Lyra looked at the cork board in front of her. There were a web of pictures all tethered together by coloured strings. Humans connected with Heartbreak, connected with Twilight and her friends and somehow it was all connected with a shadowy conspiracy involving the Princess. The communication crystal was set up like a microphone held by mechanical hand-like contraption.

She thought she had used all the information that Tale Spinner had given her correctly. She thought she had finally gotten a good handle on what was there. Though thinking about, when the instructions said, ‘Wave a rubber chicken over the head of a werequine and speak these words to show their true nature?’ That should have been a big clue that something was up.

“Yeah...you’re right,” Lyra replied, sighing. She tapped a hoof on the cork board that was mocking her. “I doubt you ever want to see me again.” There was a deafening quiet from Dib’s end. Lyra sniffed. Only now did she realize that this could have been an opportunity to make friends.

“I wouldn’t say that.” The crystal fluttered. “As long as you make it up to H.B. somehow.”

Lyra smiled a sad smile and then chuckled. “I think I’m the last pony she wants to see right now.”

“You never know,” Dib replied. “You could always try being her friend. I think she could use a lot more of those.”

“I...could try.” She looked at the board. “But after what just happened? I’m going to give her some space”

“That’s most likely the best idea,” Dib replied. “Good night Lyra.”

“Good night, Dib. And stay in touch?” Lyra asked.

“I will,” came the reply before the crystal fluttered off.

Lyra glared at the board and envelope that lay on her desk. She was so frustrated, so angry. “If I ever see that pony again, I swear...” She shook her head. It could be easy to be angry at Tale Spinner, but it was she that had taken the folder and followed Heartbreak. She sighed and lifted the two offending objects up with her magic, guiding them to the closet to be out of her sight.

Just then, there was a rapping at her door. Lyra rolled her eyes. Part of her wanted to just be alone, another part of her craved somepony to hug and tell her that she wasn’t as horrible as she thought she was.

“Come in,” she finally said.

Bon-Bon walked in. “Lyra, I think we need to have a talk about your most recent ob-” Lyra looked at her friend with tears in her eyes. “Geez, Lyra are you ok?”

The unicorn looked down. “No...” She finally replied. “But I will be...” She looked up at the blank wall in front of her.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Bon-Bon asked uneasily.

“I’m going to leave this one alone,” Lyra finally said.

“What?” Bon-Bon asked.

“Yeah,” Lyra said after a short silence. “I have come to the conclusion that I was just seeing patterns and things that weren’t there. And that by obsessing over them, I was hurting others at the cost of my own personal curiosity.”

Bon-Bon blinked and walked over to her friend cautiously. She lifted her hoof to Lyra’s forehead and blinked. “You don’t feel feverish...Who are you and what have you done with my Lyra Heartstrings?”

“Stop that, I’m serious,” Lyra said rolling her eyes. She sniffed hard.

“Criminy, what happened?” Bon-Bon asked.

“I don’t want to talk about it, B.B.” She looked down. “Let’s just say that I heard a really, really, really sad story, and that it got me thinking.” Bon-Bon looked around. She wasn’t quite sure what to say to that. “Bon-Bon?”

“Yeah, Lyra?”

“Can we sit on the couch together and read? Just the two of us? No humans or elves or trolls? Just the two of us? And nothing sad? I could use some really happy thoughts right about now,” Lyra said scratching her desk with her hoof.

Bon-Bon smiled. “Of course. Come on. I’ll even make you some coco.”

==============================================================

Off in the distance, I can see a puff of white smoke coming from the morning train. After A.J. got that pesky hay out of my hoof, I laid down on the couch and she tucked me in. From there I proceeded to have one of the most restful sleeps I have had since I got to Equestria. No nightmares, which was strange, seeing what just happened before I fell asleep. Oh well, I’m sure the rubber chicken will find some way to haunt me further down the road.

Not much else to tell about the early morning. Had breakfast, a shower and then decided to draw a little bit. I am so grateful that A.J.’s house is full of creaky old boards and echoes quite a bit. I was able to stash my mechanical pencil before Dib came downstairs. With A.J. making her rounds on the farm, the two of us had a small chat. Nothing profound. Just the basic chit-chat of, ‘how are you?’, ‘I’m fine, did you sleep well?’, ‘I could have been better, about last night?’, and ‘Water under the bridge.’ It was a song and dance that was peppered with small awkward silences. He reminded me that today was the day that he was going back and he wanted to know if I wanted to see him off at the train station.

“Of course I do,” was my reply.

That summery might seem a bit lackluster, but it’s morning. I haven’t had my coffee and I am having all sorts of mixed emotions from this whole ordeal. I have no fucking clue if anything that I am meant to have learned worth sharing with pretty-pretty Princess Cake Eater.

So there we have it. The three of us are now at the train station waiting for the train to come down the line and stop at our platform. Which of course isn’t too far away now.

“Now, ya sure ya got everythin’?” Applejack asks. “Cause ya know ah don’t want a repeat of last yer when ya forgot yer-”

An embarrassed blush rushes over Dib’s face. “I’m sure I have everything, A.J.”

Applejack ruffles her cousin’s mane playfully. “Ah can’t believe that ya left a whole suitcase full of them back here.”

He waggles his hooves at her and shakes his head. “It could have happened to anypony!” After fixing his mane, he coughs and eyes Applejack.

She looks at Dib blankly for a moment. “Oh! Right! Ah should get ya some...” she looks around. “Pretzels! Fer the ride back!” She turns and walks in the direction of what I can only assume is a food vendor of some kind.

Smooth Applejack. Really smooth.

Dib looks at me. “You’ve been awful quiet, H.B.”

“I’m just thinking,” I reply.

“About what?” He asks me.

“About everything. About this. About what happened. And stuff,” I reply.

He looks up at the partly cloudy sky. “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about that too.” He swallows hard. The train is getting closer. “You know, I can’t think of any other time that I actually enjoyed coming to the farm.”

“If it is how you described, I can’t imagine that it was too terribly fun,” I reply.

Crap, this is that stupid sappy, ‘goodbye before the goodbye’. I always hated sappy moments like this because they either make me tear up or laugh. More than often I laugh to stop myself from tearing up.

He looks down, opens his mouth, and then closes it and shakes his head. Fuck Dib, if you are going to say something just fucking say it. Don’t make this moment last any fucking longer than it needs to be!

“I really like you, H.B.” A spike of panic strikes me, but is only slightly calmed by what he says next. “As a friend.” He looks up at me. His expression is a mixture of cute sad hopefulness. Fuck! Don’t laugh! Don’t laugh! That would totally kill the moment! “I mean, we have just kinda met and all, but I feel...connected. Like we’re on the same wave.”

I bite my lower lip. Great, now I have a case of the awkward silences! Say something! Anything! Brain! Help me out here! “I like turtles-” SHUT UP BRAIN, SHUT UP.

I cough. “That’s...really...uhm...touching.” Fuck, that sounded fucking cold hearted. Damn it, H.B.! Think! Why are you fumbling on this so much! Just say that you feel the same way and be done with it!

His face droops. “I don’t use the word, ‘friend,’ lightly due to the fact that, back in Hoofthorn I get picked on a lot. I mean, I know that I have said it once or twice, but I really would like to think of us as friends. And I really hope that you feel the same way,” Fuck! What do I do here?! He wants to say that we’re friends. What’s so hard about that?!

“What isn’t so hard about that?! This is your prison! This is a place where you are being punished! If you admit to him being a friend, you’re giving into that punishment! Fuck! He’s still looking at you! Do something! Anything!” I close my eyes and giggle nervously. Fuck! that’s not what I want to do either!

“I mean, I can understand if you don’t after last night. It’s just that I-” Brain blast! I know!

“PEN PALS!” I shout in a freakish sort of way.

“Wait, what?” He asks.

I clap my hooves. “Yup! You can be a pen pal! I’ll write to you and tell you what’s up and happening with me, and you can write to me and tell me what’s going on. I’ll vent to you, you can vent to me!” Please, please, please let him buy this.

He busts out into a large smile. “I think I would like that.” He winks at me. “Pen Pal.”

I give a nervous laugh. I have never been good at goodbyes or even at ending things. Add the fact that I lived in Minnesota for over a decade, home of the, ‘never-ending-goodbye-why-aren’t-you-gone-yet?’ Yeah, this is going as well as I am expecting. “Sure thing, uhm, pen-pal.”

Another awkward quiet enters the conversation. Fuck, where are you Applejack? Do those pretzels weigh a ton or something?

“Do you think...” he begins.

I blink. That is an odd place to stop your train of thought. “Do I think what, Dib?”

“I know you’re not a...Werequine,” His voice falls to a hush. “Or even...uhm...human. But-” He says looking at the sky. “Do you think there are any out there?”

“They’re closer than you image.” No, bad brain. No putting those ideas into his head like that. Applejack will kill you. “Fine, how about, ‘be honest with yourself?’” I take a deep breath. “Honestly Dib, I don’t know. Equestria is a big place. There might be.”

He blinks and nods. “If there are, I would like to meet them. What do you think they would be like?”

“You mean other than selfish, rude, obsessive, stupid, and downright insane?” I told you to shut it brain! You’re not helping. “I don’t know. But if they are out there? They are either really good at hiding or very rare. So I would guess that they would be really lonely.” I blink. “So if you’re lucky and you actually found one, they might want to make...” I cough and nearly stumble on my next word. “Ffffriends with you. I mean as long as you kept a cool rational head about things.”

“You really think so?” He asks me.

“Yeah, you’re a really cool p-p-pony, Dib.” A moment of playfulness enters my being. “Of course, if they are just really good at hiding, you might have already met one and not even have known it.” I give him a sly grin. “For all you know, they could be standing right next to you. Hiding in plain sight.” He looks at me a bit frightened and wide eyed. I muster up the courage to do something silly. “Boo!”

“AH!” He shouts jumping back.

I laugh a bit and turn back to look at him. “Gotcha.”

He frowns and pushes at my shoulder. “You...you!”

“Admit it, I had you going for a bit didn’t I?” I ask, giggling a bit.

He finally snickers and rolls his eyes. “Yeah...”

Keep My Secrets

Chapter 45

Keep My Secrets

“Well now,” Applejack says as she finally returns. “There’s somethin’ ah thought I wouldn’t hear.” I turn to say something, but see that there are two pretzels floating next to her in a purple haze. Which means that-

“Good morning, H.B.” Yup, Twilight. The happy thought I was just having? They are now scampering about and trying to find cover. “I’m glad to see that you’re in a good mood this morning,” She says.

Twilight seems...happy to see me. Alright, give her some credit. She has had a few days to actually cool down, get a level head and think about things. So don’t screw that good mood of hers up, H.B. “I’m doing a lot better...I think.”

“That’s good to hear!” she says while smiling. Fuck, why is it scaring me that she’s so damn...chipper? “Hey, Crab Apple!”

Dib pushes his glasses up. “I’m going by, ‘Dib,’ now, Twilight. But hey, come to see me off?”

She nods. “Applejack invited me, plus I need to talk to H.B. about a few things.” Fuuuuck...I wonder what I have done now. Did Applejack tell her about everything that happened or just what went down last night?! Suddenly I feel something glomping my side. It’s Dib. “And it seems like somepony has made a friend!” she says happily.

I blink and look at the pony currently hugging me. It’s an uncomfortable, awkward hug, but it’s a hug. I put an arm around him and pat him on the shoulder. I’m not sure if I am doing this because I want to or because it’s expected of me. Either way it illicites smiles from A.J. and Twilight. At that moment the train finally arrives. Dib lets me go and picks up his bags. “So, I’ll write to you later,” he says while hugging Applejack. “You still have our address right, A.J.?”

“As sure as sugar ah do there,” she pauses, “Dib.”

Dib’s face bursts into a huge grin before he walks onto the train. I lift a hoof. I think...I just might...But I only knew him for a few days...Fuck, didn’t Applejack say that I need to be honest with myself at least? “I think I am going to miss him.”

I see him sit down at one of the windows. He waves at me, while the conductor shouts out his last calls. “Allllll aboard!” I wave back at him in slight reluctance as the train starts to roll down the line. Looking down I sigh. Applejack and Twilight are looking at me with sympathetic grins.

I feel some snot dripping in my nose and something warm on my cheek. Damn waterworks. I rub my face and sniff hard. When I look back up, they are still looking at me. “What?”

“Oh, nothing,” Twilight says pulling out a scroll from her saddlebags. “It’s just that I think right now would be the perfect time for you to write that letter to Celestia.”

I give her a deadpan look. “Seriously Twilight? What makes you say that? Cause really, not to quote Applejack here, the letter I would write at this moment would be, ‘Dear Princess Celestia, Ah didn’t learn nothin’! Signed, a Pony named Heartbreak.’ And the response would be, ‘Dear Heartbreak, there goes your f-f-f-fillyhood, signed Tia.’”

Twilight gives me an annoyed look and opens her mouth to say something when Applejack puts a hoof on my shoulder and smiles at me. “Ah think she’s right there, sugarcube.”

“Applejack...I don’t think I learned anything about honesty or anything really profound from all this. I spent the whole time I was here lying to your whole family, moping around your farm and being a lazy...” I start to choke a bit on my words. “Good for nothing mopy rump.”

Applejack gives me a stern but sympathetic look. “Now stop that. Ah think that ya did learn a whole lot about honesty. After all, ah did hammer in that point about havin’ ta be honest with yerself above all things. Then there’s what ya did with ma cousin there.”

In the back of my mind I want to make some crude joke to kill all this touchy-feely crap. I guess that’s the part of me that is still human...”Which was?”

“When he asked ya somethin’, ah’m not sure what, an ah’m not gonna pry,” she started. “Ya said that ya didn’t know. An’ that’s the most honest thing that anypony, particularly a pony that seems ta know everythin’, can admit to.”

I blink. She’s right about that. There’s nothing wrong with not knowing things. Or even admitting to not knowing. It sure beats making up stories.

Twilight puts a hoof on my other shoulder. “Not only that, but Applejack told me about how you handled whatever happened last night. You kept a cool head in the face of irrationality and were able to make it through to him. What’s more, you did it without destroying his dream.”

I try to speak but the words are not coming. I’m not sure how to feel about this. Or even what I am feeling at the moment. Guilt, anger, pain? They have fled the scene for a moment, and there is a dull calm feeling in the back of my mind. Hope?

“Eyup! An’ that’s sure ta say somethin’ ta the Princess!” Applejack says as the both of them hug me. I sigh and just go with the flow of the moment. I’ll accept this hug, but I won’t accept my fate. Applejack dislodges from the hug and Twilight looks at me.

“So, how about that letter?” She asks, waving the scroll at me.

“Fffffffine...” I roll my eyes and sit down at the train station bench. I take out my journal and my mechanical pencil. Slipping it in and pressing the button, I feel the soft whirring of the barrel expanding to fit my hoof-hole. As I select the pencil button, the scroll unfurls itself on my journal and I take a deep breath and try to think of the words that I need for this letter. Part of me wants to suddenly cut loose and tell Celestia off. To tell her that these, ‘lessons,’ are harder than just, ‘learn something and write a letter, and if I like them, I’ll let you keep your memories.’

I bite my lip hard. Is it going to be like this every fucking time I have to write a letter? The anticipation building up and causing me to nearly boil over?

Twilight looks at me and smiles. “Just take your time, H.B., and everything will be alright.”

I blink, and look back at the paper. Something about those words triggers some strange buried emotions. Like someone else has said them to me before. “Is she writing her letter?” I look up from my moments of frustration and see Spike standing next to Twilight. Didn’t he say something like that? One step at a time or something like that? The feelings of frustration and anger subside and the pencil meets the paper.

“Dear Princess Celestia,

This month I spent some time with Applejack learning about the element of Honesty. This was a difficult element for an individual like me to learn, due to the fact that I feel like I need to hide things about myself from everypony. Where I am from, who I am and what will happen to me if I don’t do the things I need to do.

So, what did I learn about honesty?

As Applejack put it, to be honest with others I need to first be honest with myself. Even if I can’t tell them the truth about what has happened to me, I need to be, above all... ponies, honest with myself and my feelings. Otherwise I will end up bottling things up, and that’s just unhealthy for everypony.

The profound things I learned about myself were that, just because I know a great deal about Equestria, those who live here and everything else, doesn’t mean I can or should use that against others.

I learned that I don’t know everything. And that is a perfectly honest answer to many questions.

Finally I learned that if I am to get through all this, I need to keep a cool, calm, rational head about myself. While I have indeed broken many hearts in my time, I don’t want to shatter anypony’s dreams. Neither part of that last one is going to be easy, but I will try my hardest.

Like Spike said: I have to take everything one step at a time.

Sincerely signed,

A pony named Heartbreak.

==============================================================

“All done,” Heartbreak says, removing her pencil from her hoof.

Twilight took out the hourglass and set it on the bench next to Heartbreak. “Do you want me to look it over?” She asked.

“No, it’s as ready as it ever will be,” Heartbreak replied. Spike looked at Twilight while taking the letter. She nodded while he rolled it up and set it aflame. Heartbreak bit her lower lip as her eyes followed the trail of green fire. Everything she had learned, along with all her hopes and dreams, seemed to rest on these scraps of paper.

There was a moment of silence among the group.

Then the tinkling magical sound of the hourglass’s iris opening caught everypony’s attention. A single red marble fell from its holding place and blazed into a pure white before joining its sibling in the bottom.

A cheerful, relieved sigh rumbled through the group. They all turned and smiled at Heartbreak. “You did it, H.B.!” Spike cheered as he jumped up onto the bench and hugged the pony. She smiled a sad smile.

“If you say so, Spike.” She sighed and rolled her eyes. “I just wrote down what Twilight and Applejack told me...”

Applejack put a hoof on Heartbreak’s shoulder. “Now sugarcube, didn’t we just go over this? Ya gotta stop beating yerself up.”

Twilight nodded. “And give yourself some credit. After all, we only pointed out what we saw. You’re the one that did-”

“But it took me this long to get all of that, Twilight!” Heartbreak glared at the ground. “Applejack is going on about how I should, ‘be more honest with myself.’” She took a deep breath. “So here it goes...” She looked up at the three. “I’ve already said that I could have learned more if I had just stop being lazy and sulking around, I mean that lesson sounded so obvious! Just be honest with yourself! But I didn’t get it, it had to be hammered into my skull!”

Applejack opened her mouth to say something but Heartbreak stopped her.

“I’m not done yet, A.J.,” She chewed on her lower lip thoughtfully. “When I was writing this letter...I was feeling so many things. I wanted to write a great deal more than what was there. Just really let all the emotions I have been having out and unload them on the Princess right there and then in one shot. All my bile, all my snark, everything I have been sorta bottling up about this situation.” She rolled her eyes and looked at Twilight. “And I do realize that I haven’t been here for a long time, but for fet’s sake, being through what I have been through,” she looked back down, “Anyp-p-pony would be feeling the same or similar. I know I can’t bottle up all this, but I don’t feel ready to share any of it with any of you. I don’t want you feeling hurt or angry or disappointed with me because of something I might think or feel. And I know that’s something I can’t control but-”

Twilight put a hoof up on Heartbreak’s mouth. “H.B.,” she started, “We all know you are going through quite a lot, and it seems like you have a lot to say. But if you’re afraid of outright telling others what you feel, then might I make a suggestion?”

Heartbreak nodded. “Yes please,” she said in an almost inaudible voice.

“If you feel the need to tell anypony something, anypony that will listen and not judge, and that will keep all your secrets,” Twilight tapped the cover of the diary that lay on Heartbreak’s lap, “Might I suggest using this diary for something other than a hard flat surface?”

Heartbreak glared at the book. “I...would but...”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Ghost Writer might be a bit of a creep sometimes, H.B. But I told you exactly why he gave it to you. So that you can write in it as much as you like. After all, ‘There is a universe inside your mind, and it wants out.’” She said, quoting him. “Plus, if you’re worried about others looking inside, it has a special magical lock.”

Heartbreak rolled her eyes. “That’s not really points in its favor, Twilight.”

“Ah, come on H.B., would it hurt ta give it a try?” Applejack asked.

Heartbreak rolled her eyes again. “Right, fine, how’s it work, Twilight?”

“Just open it up and start writing. Once you are done writing, end it all with a question. Any question will do. Close the book and it’s locked,” Twilight explained smiling.

Heartbreak ran her hoof over the cover of the book and finally spoke. “Alright, but on two conditions, Twilight.”

Twilight and Applejack looked at each other. “Conditions?”

“Yes,” She replied.

“No offense H.B.,” Spike started. “But I don’t think that’s how diaries work.”

“I have my reasons for having conditions, Spike. I want to cover all my bases here,” Heartbreak replied.

“And they are?” Twilight finally asked.

“First,” she looked at Twilight with a serious gaze. “If any part of me gets erased-”

Spike put a hand on her shoulder. “H.B. That won’t happen, I’m sure-”

“Please let me finish, Spike,” She said, tears forming at the edge of her eyes. “If any part of me is lost or erased, promise me that this book will never fall into the wrong h-h-hooooves.”

Twilight nodded. “I promise that it will never fall into the wrong hooves if that happens.”

“Pinkie Promise,” Heartbreak choked out. Twilight blinked. “I’m serious here, Twilight. Pinkie Promise me.”

Twilight looked at her friends. They gave her the, ‘It will make her feel better if you do this, Twilight,’ look and then she nodded. “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye, I promise that this...journal will never fall into the wrong hooves if ever any part of you is erased,” She said, her words growing quiet as she neared the end of her sentence.

“T-t-thank you, Twilight,” Heartbreak said. “And my second condition is much simpler.” She looked up at Twilight, she wasn’t fighting the tears anymore. “I know the week isn’t up, but c-c-can I please come back to the library?! Applejack’s farm is nice a-a-and all, but I am totally useless, the animals constantly avoid me and I feel like a total leech for eating her food and not contributing anything!”

Twilight looked at the face before her with sympathy. “Of course you can, H.B.”

“Right after we all head back ta the farm an we all celebrate this here event with that there chocolate surprise that Pinkie dropped off yesterday!” Applejack said smiling.

Heartbreak put her pencil back in her saddle bag. “I think I would like that very much, A.J.” She blinked and stood up. “But I have to know...what the fet is the surprise?”

Pinkie Pie jumped out from behind the bench throwing confetti and blowing a party horn. “We can’t tell you that, otherwise it wouldn’t be a surprise!” She shouted, as Heartbreak nearly jumped five feet back.

“AH! Ha! Pinkie!” Heartbreak shouted covering her heart.

“Yes, H.B.?” Pinkie asked with a goofy grin.

Heartbreak smirked and shook her head. “Nothing. Let’s go celebrate. After all, that’s what normal p-p-ponies do, right?”

“That’s Right!” Pinkie said, pronking ahead.

==============================================================

Dib waved at his new friend, his new pen pal as the train started to roll out of the station. He was going to miss her.
“Maybe I can get dad to let me visit Ponyville sometime this summer, or maybe in the fall. And who knows? They might have another HLC meeting in the not too distant future,” he said out loud. He looked at the window. They were getting farther from the train station now. He felt the need to say at least one last goodbye to the strange pony that he had just met. After quickly sliding his window open, he stuck his head out. He was about to shout at the three ponies at the train station when he saw something...strange happen.

H.B. took something out of her saddle bag. There was a book placed on her lap. She then held up her right hoof, the hoof with the hole in it, and pushed something through her hoof. “Is that...” Dib quickly grabbed his binoculars from his saddlebag. “It is! That’s a pencil! And she’s...writing...like she would if-” His mouth hung open as he took in this new information. The thoughts of what she had told him before he left back for Hoofthorn echoed through his head.

“Of course, if they are just really good at hiding, you might have already met one and not even have known it. For all you know, they could be standing right next to you. Hiding in plain sight.”

Dib felt floored. He pulled his head back into the train cart. Was she...? If she was, why was she trying to hide the fact that she was? Was there something more going on than he thought? Just then the luggage cart flung open and something fell from it.

“Ah!” Dib shouted. He calmed himself quickly and looked at the thing that had invaded his thoughts. It looked like a toy of some kind, a robotic thing with glowing blue eyes, an antenna sticking out of the top its head and a clock in it’s belly.

“Oh Hi!” It shouted.

Dib looked confused at it. “Uhm Hi.”

The robotic thing stood up on two legs and looked around almost frightened like. “Ooooh, I fell down and almost went Boom! That would have been real bad cause then that mean conductor would have found me!” Dib just looked at the robotic toy confused. “And if he finds me...” The toy raced over to Dib and looked him dead in the eyes. “Game over! Game over!”

Dib tried to think of something to say, but the only thought came to mind was “Uhm, please calm down.”

“But if he finds me, then they’ll take me apart and erase me!” The little robot-clock-toy thing started sniffling. “And I don’t want to be erased...I like me! If they erased me, then I’d miss me!” It held it’s little claw like hands up in the air. “AH’D MISS ME SO MUCH!” It quickly turned and looked at Dib. “Please don’t let them find me! I’ll be your friend if you keep me a secret! Can you keep secrets!?”

Dib blinked and eyed the window thoughtfully. “Yes,” He replied after a short while. “Yes I can.”

“Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!” The little clockwork toy squeaked. Just then heavy hoof steps approached the train cabin.

“Darn it! Where did that annoying little clock-thing go?!” The train conductor shouted. “I thought I heard him over here!”

The clockwork-robot dove under Dib’s seat. “Ah! Here he comes!” He whimpered. “Remember....seeeeecret.”

The conductor’s head peered into the cabin. He looked around and frowned. “Excuse me young colt...”

Dib pretended to look innocent. “Hmmm?”

“Have you seen an annoying blue clock thing? It’s been living on the train for the past month driving the passengers crazy!” He said.

Dib smiled. “Nope, sorry.”

“Oh, well if you do see anything, please let me know.” The conductor replied before leaving.

After the conductor left, Dib closed the door. “Yaaaaay! You’re my new friend!” The clock said.

“I get the feeling that life is going to be very interesting from now on,” Dib mused to himself. “I’m Dib, what’s your name?” He asked.

==============================================================

Alright. I will admit that Pinkie Pie does throw a great party. I wouldn’t say that I was the most lively at this, ‘party,’ but at least the, ‘chocolate surprise,’ was great. The surprise being that it was a fudge cake with chocolate icing and chocolate ice cream on the side. There was some nice music and the girls chatted for a while. Over all, even from an outsider perspective, it was nice. Otherwise? I just wanted to sit in a corner and reflect quietly on the past few days.

After that, we gathered my things and made our way back to the library. I told Twilight that I just wanted to go up to the bedroom, lay down and do as Twilight suggested without being disturbed.

Which is what I am doing now. Sighing, I stick my pencil in my hoof and tighten it appropriately. I push on the cover and then, using the pencil, open it up. There, staring back at me, is a nice clean blank page.

“I wonder what I should write first?” I think to myself. The answer comes rather quickly. “Everything.” And that’s what I do. I start writing everything. Everything about my life, who I am, who I was, as much of my memories of my life I can think of, what I like, what I dislike, what’s happened to me, what’s happening to me, and what will happen to me if I don’t do what I need to. I write and write until my hoof is sore and my ankle stiff.

Taking my hoof away from the page, I smile. Everything but my real name and a question are here. What question should I end this all with?

Just then a song passes through my head. A song that with reflection of what has happened seems appropriate. I start to write the lyrics down:

“I did my best to notice, when the call came down the line. Up to the platform of surrender I was brought, but I was kind.

And sometimes I get nervous, when I see an open door. Close your eyes, clear your heart...Cut the cord.

Are we p-pony or are we dancer? My sign is vital, my h-hooves are cold. And I'm on my knees looking for the answer. Are we p-pony or are we dancer?”

I close the book, lie back on the bed and hug my journal-my record...my j/r? My Junior, tightly in my hooves. Yes, the lyrics were butchered a little by whatever is affecting my language. But, laying here on this comfortable bed back in the library? I feel...good. I feel as if a terrible weight has been lifted off me. Though that question still remains in my mind, where at least I can think it properly.

“Are we human or are we dancer?”

THE END

Author's Note

It's been a long trek. Thanks to all my fans who have read this monster of a story, to my proofreaders Kendall, Anticarrot and Prince_Arcane, and special thanks to all the artists who have contrubted their art to this story. Thank you Samaru and Genbu and many countless others! And Nightmare. Can't forget him. He won't let me forget him.
Please watch the tumblr cause things are going to be happening there shortly, and now for the next story: House that Heartbreak Built! http://www.fimfiction.net/story/87997/house-that-heartbreak-rebuilt

Spring Cleaning

Chapter One

Spring Cleaning.

The floor of the library is littered with memories. Countless memories. Memories that have been plastered on the walls, the floor and even a bit on the ceiling. “How the h-hay did I even get up there?” I ask out loud.

Out of this mass of chaos, there are small islands of order. From the spot where I first made the tea, there is almost a flower of papers sprawling out. This eventually pours out into random directions with no real pattern. I sigh. At least Twilight helped a little before she went to run some errands.

This time I wasn’t left alone. Spike is over in a corner of the room with papers I have deemed “safe” to look at. Apparently, Owloysius is also somewhere around here. I find it odd that I haven’t seen him at all during my week here. Well, It’s been more than a week. It’s like two days after the tea incident. Those last two days I did nothing but sleep. It was a deep, dreamless sleep, and when I was dreaming it was like walking through a blank sheet of paper. Sketchy lines and nothing of substance. I figure it had something to do with the Creativi-tea sapping any real creativity from me.

I sigh again and look at all these papers, picking them up with my mouth is a tedious task. It has resulted in one or two paper cuts. Paper cuts on the fingers are bad enough, but on the lips?! Ugh.

Spike picks up a few more papers and looks at them questioningly. “Hey, HB, I’m just wondering.” I sigh. Spike wondering means that he is going to ask something about all this stuff. I brace myself for some question involving giant spoons or dog houses or the like.

“When you said you would never wear a dress, or that you never wore dresses where you were from, what did you mean by that?” he asks, as if it were a casual conversation piece. Among the rustling of papers, it feels weird and rather awkward of a thing to bring up as a conversation starter.

“I meant what I said Spike. I didn’t wear dresses. What’s so weird about that?” I ask him.

“Well, every mare here has worn a dress, or at least isn’t so avid about not wearing a dress,” he tells me.

I roll my eyes. Damn you gender stereotypes. “Spike, that’s not true. Not every mare here has worn a dress. I am sure that there are mares here that haven’t worn clothing in their lives. Ponies don’t normally wear clothing.” I place some more papers in the stack of papers on the table.

“Yeah, but you seemed really against wearing a dress,” Spike says. He’s trying to needle out more information from me. Learn more about me.

“I just don’t like dresses, Spike. It’s just that simple. It’s nothing more or less than preference,” I reply.

“But you also said that you never wore dresses on the world you’re from,” Spike counters.

I am getting really tired of this conversion about dresses. Next he is sure to start talking about why I don’t like the titles of miss, ma’am, little, or anything remotely feminine sounding. “That would be correct, Spike. My mother never forced me to wear them. Nor did she feel it necessary to put me in them. So I never really thought about wearing them. Now, can we talk about something else? Please? Like what our favorite fruit is?”

“How about our favorite flowers?” he asks me.

I think about that. Favorite flower. There are two that actually stick out in my mind. Right now, that is. Sure, it’s always seen that the guy is meant to give the flowers to the girl, but really, flowers can be a rather gender neutral thing. They smell pretty and are nice to look at. Least to the human eye, to any other species, there are an assortment of uses for them. The most common use for them is a food source by their pollinators. And I have seen on more than one occasion, a pony munch on a flower in the show.

“Favorite flower... I would have to go with lilacs, maybe violets.” I place more papers in a pile on the table. I barely have a small section of the library cleaned. Mostly due to the fact that I am organizing while I am cleaning. I rub my temples. All of this exercise, combined with caffeine withdrawal is giving me a bit of a headache.

“Lilacs and violets? Really, ‘cause I would have pegged you for a-” he pauses. “Are you alright there, H.B.?”

“I’m fine, but I could do with a glass of water,” I look up at him. “Could you be kind enough to get me one, Spike?”

Spike sets the papers down and nods. “Sure thing there H.B.,” he replies, walking to the kitchen.

I walk over to the spot where Spike was cleaning up. Walking has been getting a bit better, but it is still a chore in of itself. I am going to have to watch Twilight more and if I can get over myself, ask her how she does it. Left hoof, right hoof, left hoof, right hoof. One step at a time, H.B.

I look over the papers that Spike is attempting to organize, only to find why he was talking about flowers. I find myself in a veritable garden of attempts to draw a myriad of different flowers. Each one is pretty much a failure in some regard. But there are a good number of different flowers here. Daisies, daffodils, lilies, violets and snapdragons to name a few. They all look like they were done up in scribble art, little wavy curly lines coming off everything. Then my eye spies something. One flower in particular, one flower that reminds me of Her. It is practically one of the few good drawings out of this bunch. I look around, Spike is still in the kitchen getting me a glass of water. I move as quickly as I can to the table with the ‘unsafe’ papers.

Then I pause. “What are you doing, H.B.? It’s just a drawing. It isn’t going to cause the universe to break, it isn’t going to cause Spike to lose his mind. Maybe, just maybe if you didn’t make just a big deal about these little things. And I know this sounds crazy, but hear me out. Or Yu? Whatever, hear yourself out on this. If you didn’t make such a big deal about these little things, maybe the others wouldn’t get suspicious about things and wouldn’t poke and prod you about them!” I look at the paper in my mouth. It’s been there so long, that it’s slightly damp. Ugh.

“Whoa! That’s a pretty good drawing, H.B.!” I jump and make a whickering noise as I realize that Spike is standing right in front of me with a glass of water in hand.

I try to calm myself. It’s just a drawing. Then again, if that is the case, then why do I have a ‘safe pile’ and an ‘unsafe pile’ to begin with? I shake my head nervously. “It’s not that great, Spike,” I reply.

“Hey, from what I have seen in this mess?” he says after I have shuffled the paper into a nondescript pile. “It’s pretty good.” I see the glass of water being presented to me.

I eye him. “Really, Spike? How am I s’posta hold this?” I ask him.

He sighs. “By wrapping your hoof around it?”

“Right, how silly of me, ask a blindingly obvious question...” I grimace and reach my right hoof forward. He holds the glass by the brim. I try to think about how I am going to do this. I fumble and twitch around the glass. Spike keeps giving me weird looks like this shouldn’t be that hard and that it should be just second nature to me. But it’s not. Every time I think I am getting it, my hoof slips up and it feels like the glass is going to drop. With every try, it just gets more and more frustrating. Finally, I can’t help but shout. “UGH!” I pull my hoof away. “I can’t do it, Spike! It doesn’t feel right!”

“Oh for Pete’s...” he face palms. “What’s the problem?”

“It feels like it’s slipping! Every time I try to grasp it, it just feels like I’m going to drop it or something! And the last thing I need is broken glass and wet papers everywhere!” I exclaim.

Spike sighs. “Alright, let’s try it a different way. Let’s try it with both ankles.”

I sit on the floor. “Alright,” I sigh. “But I can’t promise that it will get any better.” I straighten myself up and hold my hooves up in front of me. If I were a dog, I would swear that this would look like the ‘sitting pretty’ stance. I dare not think about how ‘cute’ I remember this looking in pictures. That would throw off my concentration.

Spike puts the glass between what should be my wrists, carefully I squeeze them together to see if I can grip the glass. It works, sorta. “This would be far easier the glass were textured.”

“Textured?” Spike asks me.

“Yeah, like it was blasted with sand or something. It’s really smooth, and furry things don’t grip smooth glass all that well,” I reply. Last time I did this, it was on the train to Canterlot. It wasn’t easy, but the glass didn’t feel this difficult to handle. And the liquid going up my nose? That was just icing on the proverbial cake.

“Just squeeze a little harder, H.B.” Spike says.

I bite the inside of my lip. Not because I am trying to focus, but because what Spike said, if taken out of context, could be so incredibly wrong. Focus H.B., glass in ..wrists.. I squeeze a little harder. The glass wobbles about between my ankles, but then steadies. Next step, bring glass to mouth. Carefully, I proceed to do this. I remembering not to tilt it up too far. And before I know it, I can feel the wonderful tingle of cool water going down my throat.

“Great job there, H.B.!” Spike says encouragingly.

His sudden words of praise startle me, and some water goes down the wrong pipe. I choke a little and then pull the glass away from my mouth, with a still tight grip. “Gah!”

“Whoa! Don’t choke!” he shouts.

Again. That sounds so wrong. I shouldn’t be thinking these things. I attempt to set the glass on the table, the remaining bit of liquid swishes about. “I’m fine,” I reply between a cough. “It’s just that you-” I misjudge where my hoof is going to be as I turn. It hits the glass and toppled it over, sending the remaining water spilling on some of the drawings. And of course, on the one drawing in this whole shit storm of drawings that matters. “Ah! Fet-Locks!” I slam my hoof to the ground in frustration. Something that I most likely shouldn’t have done. After all, it seems that the glass wants to further my panic by rolling itself off the edge of the table.

“Eee!” I attempt to rush over to stop it from falling, however I am too late. I brace myself for the sound of breaking glass. Much to my surprise, it never comes.

Looking over, I see Spike with glass in hand. “You know, you should be more careful.” He says, setting the glass on the table. He’s right, but I can’t help feel sparks of anger and jealousy twinge though my being. I’m sure he can see it on my face. “Hey, I’m just saying.”

I take a deep breath. Calm yourself, H.B. “I know, Spike. But it doesn’t make it any easier, Okay?” I look at my hooves. Despite there being a hole in my right hoof, despite the ability to draw, write, and express myself being reclaimed, these things are still clumsy. It’s like wearing heavy boxing gloves all the time. Only the boxing gloves are actually a part of you. Damn it. Other ponies can practically use these things like normal hands. But I can’t. It’s frustrating, confusing and just makes me want to scream. “Come on, H.B., they’ve had their whole lives to practice with them. You’ve been a pony only for nine days. More or less.”

“Remember, one step at a time, H.B.,” he tells me, plucking a towel from the laundry bin to clean up the water mess.

“Right,” I say, bitterly looking at my precious soaked flower drawing. “One step at a time.”

Memories, Bittersweet Memories on the Shelf

Chapter Two

Memories, Bittersweet Memories on the Shelf.

The following week didn’t have anything terribly eventful going on in it. Just cleaning up more of the mess I made. By the time the end of the week rolled around, I just wanted to take a rake, pull everything into a pile - like autumn leaves - and set the whole thing ablaze. Part of me wanted to do that. But each paper, each drawing, each short story, attempt to express myself in any way, shape or form, triggered a memory.

The memory of camping at Mystic Lake here, the hollyhocks that grew next to my childhood deck in the trailer park there, the mountain line of my hometown done up in a weird panorama, even a long lost forgotten memory of the forest behind my trailer house when I lived in New Port.

Thankfully, there aren’t any people in these drawings. Sure, there were animals. Cats, dogs, rats, squirrels, fish, and other four legged furry things, but no people. I am very relieved at this. Seems that Yu did have some sway over what Mi drew.

There are, of course, ponies everywhere. There are scenes from the first two seasons of Friendship is Magic scattered all over the library. Most of them are hidden behind other drawings, kept tucked away like little easter eggs waiting to be found. Twilight and her friends face down Nightmare Moon, Fluttershy talking down a dragon, Rainbow Dash speeding down with a sonic rainboom behind her, Pinkie Pie smiling and bouncing around, Applejack bucking apples. There is even an attempted drawing of Rarity sewing up a dress. Every one of these is a cherished moment, some exciting scene all played out in graphite.

With each drawing, with each memory I pick up and look at, I am reminded why I liked this show so much. It’s almost like I needed to dump out the contents of my mind and sort through everything. There are a lot of good memories that I found throughout all this. But there are also a lot of bad ones.

I’ll admit that I didn’t have a terribly scarring childhood. Not physically anyway. It wasn’t like my mother’s childhood. Her emotional baggage carried with it scars that I dare not think. She had an alcoholic father, divorce, and even rape. I was fortunate enough to be spared most of these things. Mom and dad did divorce when I was a teenager, but everything else? I was lucky. Part of that however was living in my own little bubble. I ignored those things that were harmful to others, until they actually affected me. But the cycle of abuse is one that affirms itself in other ways.

I got a lot on the end of punishment when I was a kid. Spankings and standing in the corner to make me think about what I had done were popular in my household. There are two incidents that stand out vividly in my mind. It had to be when I was seven or eight years old. Those years were rather significant years for me. It was when I became more aware of the crap that was happening around me. When I realized that my parents were flawed people. I think that most children figure that out when they are about that age. Those who don’t are either blind, have the best fucking parents in the world or lack parents to begin with. But most of the time it was standing in a corner, other times it was with a belt, on one rare instance, it was bed without supper. I remember a time when I had been outside playing and when I came back in the house, there were a few drops of urine on my underwear.

I don’t remember how the whole of the situation came down, but somehow my pants got tugged down. She looked at me and asked “What’s this?” or “How did this happen?”

I shrugged and said “I guess I was having too much fun?” Looking back, I think she thought I was being a smartass. I got a paddling for that. It was with her hand, but her favorite tool for spanking was a wooden spoon, the kind that you stir kool-aid with.

One time, I think I was taking too long with the dishes. She got frustrated and upset with me. She took out the wooden spoon and started with the spanking. I’m not sure on which blow it was, she must have gotten at least three good hard smacks in before the spoon broke on my ass. At that moment, I wasn’t sure whether or not I should have been happy, impressed or scared. I went with scared, but that’s not what my mother saw. No, she saw some glimmer of joy in my eyes. Some sort of happiness, or some sort of sense of accomplishment that said, “Ha! I broke your spoon! Now what are you going to do?!’.

She only took out the other spoon and continued her punishment.

I found these memories - these sharp, stinging memories - tucked safely away under a mattress, along with other pleasantries. Things like judgment, scorn, shame, and isolation. I shouldn’t complain though, other kids have it worse than me.

“Like you have it sooooo bad.” That was my mother’s favorite phrase to me. She would say it in a condescending manner. A way that was meant to soften things, but at the same time it was a carefully veiled threat of some kind. The hidden, silent, snaking voice of ‘don’t make me make it worse. I could make it so much worse.’

“So much worse, huh mom?” I say out loud. “I would like to see how you could do that.” I cringe. That statement is just begging to be played with. There is always a way that it can get much worse. And when you say it out loud, ‘Much Worse’ generally pokes its little ugly troll-face head through the door or window. All the while saying “LOL! You rang?”

Twilight and Spike have been out for the day. It was nice of them to let me have a little time to myself, what wasn’t so nice was Twilight putting a spell on the door so that I couldn’t leave. Not like I could open the door by myself anyway. Opening doors is still presenting a challenge to me.

“Right,” I sigh. “Comparing situations with your mother about who has it worse isn’t going to get the papers off of this bookshelf, H.B. It’s time to stop having the ‘pity me’ party, and time to get back to actually cleaning up the mess.”

In front of me is a wall of papers. It is a strange combination drawing, where little bits make up the whole. Each sheet of paper is a drawing unto itself, but when looked at from a distance, you see a whole other drawing emerge. I am not sure what it is, but it makes me wish I had a photographer here. The weird abstract piece from a distance looks pretty sweet. It’s a shame that I have to pull it down.

The magic fades from the door behind me and it opens. “If you say so Spike.” Turning around, I try to put on a smile and act the part of a more confident pony. No sense in depressing others with my memories.

“Twilight! You’re back, how was your day?” I sigh, I feel like I could have made more progress on what I could have accomplished for the day.

Twilight looks at me oddly, but then returns my smile. “All things considered, pretty good. We stocked up on some much needed supplies. After all, having you live here, well, I’ve had to adjust to compensate for groceries and other expenses.”

She’s explaining it in a matter of fact sort of way, but I can’t help but feel like I’m a burden. Great, now I am feeling a bit more moody again. “Yeah,” I sigh. “Having me here...” I am fumbling on what I want to say. I don’t want to sound like my mother. I really don’t. I don’t like the way that she would put things so snidely. Rolling her eyes constantly and saying something that felt like she was pushing others away. Ironically, my dad called her a social butterfly. I really don’t want to turn into my mother. But really, who does? “I hope I’m not too much trouble, Twilight.”

Spike looks at Twilight disapprovingly. Twilight blinks and then gives a unnerved smile back. “What I mean is that it is an adjustment. Feeding another pony, plus there are other little things that we need to buy for you. “

I cringe some more and rub my face. “Twilight, you don’t need to buy me things. Really, I’m happy with my sketchbook, my hat, and my pencil. I don’t really need anything else.”

“What about personal hygiene supplies? Because really, you don’t exactly smell like a rose after a long day,” Spike replies sourly.

Twilight looks Spike and rolls her eyes. “Spike.”

He returns her look. “What? I’m just saying.”

“And there are other little things I picked you up. A blanket, a pillow and a towel,” In through the door floats objects. “I don’t know what soap or shampoo you’re used to, so I got something that was practical.” She floats a bottle of shampoo up to my nose. It clicks open. “Smell this and tell me what you think.”

I sniff it. “It smells kind of minty,” I reply.

“Do you like it?” she asks.

I think about what I am going to say. If I say that it is ‘ok,’ then she just might get in a fit over me saying that it is ‘just ok’. If I say fine then there’s the same problem. “It smells really good, Twilight.” I look away a bit. “T-thank you for buying it for me.” Please let that be the correct answer.

Twilight smiles and the bottle floats away. “You’re welcome, H.B., I also bought you a shower brush.”

I smile weakly. “How much has all this cost you?” I ask.

“Close to somewhere around fifty bits,” she replies.

“F-f-fifty bits? Twilight, I might not know the Equestrian Exchange rate, but I am pretty sure that’s a rather large amount of money.” I really, really, really, really don’t like that Twilight is spending money on me like this. Some people would love it, but I’m feeling really weird about it. I mean, I love spending money on others, but when it comes to others spending money on me? I feel that I am in their dept.

“To get you back on your hooves and back in harmony, H.B.? It’s worth it.” Twilight replies. Spike looks rather satisfied at this conversation.

I’m kind of left feeling a bit touched. You’d think that I would be getting used to that feeling. After all it is just a feeling. An emotion of happiness at the thought that others are thinking about you. But before all this, I had trained myself to laugh at emotions that others would call ‘sappy’. I don’t want to diminish what Twilight has done for me by laughing at it, so I quickly shake off the feeling, “So, what’s for dinner?” I ask, wanting to change the subject. I really don’t want to go any further into this awkward and rather unpleasant territory.

“Well, how do you feel about pasta?” she asks me.

I can feel my ears involuntarily perk. “What kind of pasta?”

“Spaghetti pasta,” Spike quips up walking up to me. “Twilight here got some tomato sauce, bread, garlic, seasonings and olive oil at the market.”

My mind kind of goes blank at this, as if I don’t know how to react. It’s Italian; Twilight is cooking Italian for dinner. “Garlic?” I finally squeak out.

“You don’t like garlic?” Twilight asks. Her eyes close half way and she gives me an ‘are you serious?’ look. “I mean I understand if you don’t, there are some ponies that just can’t stand the stuff. But rea-”

I interrupt her. “What? Are you serious? I love garlic! Particularly roasted garlic.” I close my eyes and think back to dinners past. “Mmm, roasted garlic smeared on bread with a little salt...Or even just a whole bulb of garlic sliced in half and rubbed against a piece of crisp toast? That’s good eating!” Suddenly I realize that there is something cold dribbling down my chin. I’m drooling. “Oh geeez...”

“Ha! See, Twilight?” Spike elbows me. “The way to any mare’s ‘heart’ is through her stomach!”

“Ha. Ha. Spike.” I lift my arm up and wipe the drool from my chin. “I just happen to like garlic,” I look away from the two of them. “A lot it would seem.”

“There’s no need to feel embarrassed, H.B.,” Twilight says, snickering a bit. “I’m just glad that you approve of tonight’s dinner choice.”

“I’m just glad that it isn’t grass, or something grass based,” I reply. I cringe after realize what I just said. Darn it, it must have sounded rather cynical.

Twilight gives me a look. “You know, I have been avoiding grass based foodstuffs for the past two weeks right?”

I look at the ground and sigh. “I noticed, I-I didn’t mean to say that, Twilight. I guess I was trying to be funny,” I reply rolling my eyes. “Or something like that.”

Twilight closes her eyes and sighs a little. “It’s alright, H.B.,” she finally replies. “How about I start dinner and you start on getting these papers off my bookshelf?” Twilight asks me.

I must admit, I am feeling a bit excited that we are having the Equestrian equivalent of spaghetti and meatballs. Well, minus the meatballs. Next to tacos, it was one of my favorite comfort foods as a kid. “Right!” I nab one of the papers out of this collage of papers that cling precariously on the bookshelf. Doing so sets off a chain reaction that causes all the papers to fall. It is a rather interesting cascade effect to the whole mess. I kinda smile a bit. But that smile dissipates when I see the expression on Twilight and Spike’s faces.

Turning my head I see what has gotten the two of them so horrified. The books.

Books on a bookshelf, that’s no surprise. What is a surprise and what sends feelings of panic through my being is how these books look. The books are arranged in nothing that could be called short of chaos. There are books that are toppled, laying crooked, upside down, open, and in the worst case there are a few dozen that were ‘inside out’. I know how Twilight feels about books, any brony knows how she feels about books. Twilight fucking loves her books.

I am frozen like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. An audible squeak comes out Twilight’s mouth. “What...what happened?!”

A cold chill travels up my spine as I realize that if a shelf is screwed up like this, then chances are, they are all screwed up like this. “I’m n-not sure!”

“I am just going to go out on a limb here, but I am guessing that when H.B. was on her tea induced craze, she felt the need to rearrange your books, Twi’,” Spike concludes.

“Thank you, Captain Obvious,” Twilight retorted, angrily.

“I didn’t mean to do this! I swear!” Turning around, I start pulling books off of the shelf in an attempt to fix the problem. “I’ll fix it! I’ll fix it!” What was I even thinking when I was on that stuff!?

“Don’t bother,” Twilight says, curtly.

“But-but...” I begin.

“There are books on the shelf that you can’t reach, and you have enough trouble lifting up a drinking glass. I’ll take care of this after we eat. You just keep cleaning up the papers,” she says walking into the kitchen. “I will call you when supper is ready.”

I drop to the ground again. Her words cut me, particularly the part about the drinking glass. It shouldn’t be a big deal, but it is. I am so sick of feeling like a failure in all this. I feel so limited, so trapped, so annoyed. I look up at Spike. “She’s mad. I know she’s mad.”

“Well,” Spike scratches the side of his head. “She’s more peeved than mad. I mean the whole situation last week has been bothering her. But hey, at least she didn’t explode, right?”

I sigh and rub my face. “Right.” Things were going good for a few moments. I felt like me again. Sure, it was over something as simple as roasted garlic, but that was something, right? “You should go help Twilight with dinner, Spike.”

“Alright, H.B., but cheer up! It could be worse!” Spike says as he walks through the door.

I am once again left alone with my thoughts and memories still scattered on the floor. “That’s what I am always afraid of.”

Well, Apple Buck.

Chapter 16

Well, Apple Buck.

Applejack looked at Heartbreak. Either Twilight was grossly misrepresenting this pony, or Heartbreak was trying some sort of funny business. Either way, the joke was running off of her like water on a duck’s back.

“Right. Look, Heartbreak,” Applejack began.

“H.B. Please.” Heartbreak said.

“An’ until we’re friends, it’s Heartbreak.” Applejack watched the pony’s expression slip. She sighed. “It’s nice an all that you’re attempting to make a wisecrack, Ah’m sure that’s a good thing. However, and ah mean this in the best way ah can mean it, you’ve pushed Twilight to a rather dark place. And if there is one thing ah don’t take kindly to, it’s others, be they pony, otherwise, or even ‘pinocchio pony’, pushing ma friends.” She looked at Heartbreak with a warning glance. “Or family ta the point where they feel like they feel they need ta resort ta unload an apple cart on somepony else. Ya get ma drift?”

Heartbreak’s head drooped. “Yes, ma’am,” she said quietly.

“Look, Ah’m not saying that ya can’t make a few jokes here and there, but if ya want ta be ma friend, then ya got ta start picking up the pace and stop pushing other ponies buttons. In particular, Twilight’s,” Applejack explained.

Heartbreak kicked a bit of dirt. “She started some of it...”

“An’ yer guna act like a bratty filly just ta finish it? Come on. Ya can be better than that,” Applejack replied.

Heartbreak sighed. “I understand, I’ll be good.” Applejack frowned and looked like she was about to say something. “I’m not trying to be a victim here, Applejack. I guess I’m just a little...thrilled to be out of the library is all. Please, can we just get to what we’re going to get to?” She asked.

“All right, we got plenty of room here at the farm, but seeing that family is coming over, ah’ll show ya where the guest bedroom is,” Applejack replied, opening the door to the house.

==============================================================

Well, fuck. Make another mental marker in your head, H.B. Another one of the Mane Six is sure that you are Gilda in pony form. Activate slow clap processor - clap, clap - oh good that made it here.

Still, what gives? This morning was just horribly unstable. And now I am making jokes, cracking wise, and even making portal two references. Depressed, angry, fear, laughter? Come on! I need an island of stability here brain! You’re not making things any better!

Walking into the kitchen, it’s exactly what I expect to see. A small kitchen with blue and green wallpaper. The cupboards are decorated with green apples, and there are pots and pans hanging above the stove. A small wooden table with seating for five is off to the left of me. The whole thing screams ‘rustic’ at me.

“If ya can’t tell,” Applejack starts out, “This here is the kitchen!”

I glare at her and roll my eyes while sighing. “I know what a kitchen is, Applejack.”

“Well, ah was just making sure!” she replies. “Ah don’t know if they have kitchens where yer from. Fer all ah know, they could have fancy conveyer belts that bring food right to ya.”

I fight the urge to say something sarcastic. Geez, have I given the impression that I’m from some far off future of 1999 where we have hover cars and everything is about space?! “Applejack, the place I am from is almost the same as your world. Almost. It’s just different.”

“How different?” she asks me.

“Not very different but different enough. We don’t have magic.” I reply. “But that doesn’t mean that we rely on machines for everything.”

She blinks at me and shakes her head. “Ah still am having trouble wrapping ma head around this ‘from another world’ thing. Ah mean, ah get that they turned ya inta something yer not, but how can ya be from another world?”

“This would be a lot easier to explain if we were in the orchard, Applejack,” I respond walking towards what I can only assume is the doorway to the living room.

“Why’s that?” Applejack asks.

“Visuals. I would have something to compare it all to.” I reply. “Plus, I don’t want any of your family members coming in unannounced while I am in the middle of explaining things to you. I’m not so much worried about your Granny Smith or Big Mac hearing things in passing, but your sister Applebloom?” Applejack again is giving me that look. I sigh again. “Please stop looking at me like that. I’m sure it’s weird enough having a stranger in your house. And I’m sure it’s weirder still having a stranger that knows a great deal about you. But have you ever thought about it from my side? I’m a stranger that knows a great deal about you. Everything I say is looked at like I shouldn’t know any of it.” I look around the living room. There’s Granny Smith in her rocker sound asleep. I think I would like her to remain that way. “It makes me feel very uncomfortable,” I say in a hushed tone.

“Why in the sam-” Applejack starts. I turn to her and put a hoof up to my lips. She lowers her tone. “Why would you be the uncomfortable one?”

“I’m uncomfortable because it’s making you uncomfortable. And I don’t like making any of you uncomfortable,” I explain. Geez. I can’t get any more clear than that right? I creep up the stairs. Fuck. I just realized that I am going to have to go back down the stairs. Applejack isn’t far behind me once we get to the top. She’s frowning and looking confused. “What, Applejack?”

“It’s just...ah’m having an even harder time figuring ya out now than ah did before,” she replies.

“Why’s that?” I ask, looking around the hallway. On the walls there are pictures of the different members of the Apple family. Some colour pictures, some old looking black and white photos and a few decorative things. Horseshoes, old cast iron decorative pots, and some frames with various ribbons.

“It’s just that ya don’t seem like the kinda pony ta break another pony’s heart is all,” Applejack begins. “Ah mean, ya’re really muddled up from this whole mess, but with ta way ya had it painted, ah would have thought that ya did something awful ta-”

I feel a pain that starts from my chest and proceeds to spill out into the rest of my being. “Applejack. Let’s not talk about that. Ever.” The emotion is lingering in my arms. “Please?” I sniff hard. Fuck, stop tearing up. Come on. Just stop it.

“Well...alright,” she replies. I think Applejack has more respect for boundaries than Twilight does. The idea that probing too deeply into things might cause more harm than good. She leads me past a set of doorways. “Ya gona be Okay?”

I want to answer that question with a, ‘I’ll never be okay,’ but I don’t want to depress her any more than I have right now. Knowing Twilight, not only is this a chance for the two of us to stop taking blows at one another; but it is also a test. She wants to see if I can do better with another pony and grow and learn something under some actual tutoring. Instead of: Step one, set goal of the day. Step two, random things happen. Step three, ???. Step four, letter!

“I’ll be fine, Applejack. I just need a moment,” I reply.

“All right, if you say so.” she points out the two rooms. “This here is ma room and across the way is Applebloom’s room.”
“Speaking of Applebloom,” I peer into Applebloom’s room. She’s nowhere to be seen. “Where is she?”

“Well, luck would have it that she’s having a sleepover with her friends,” Applejack replies. I bite my lip and resist the urge to ask about her friends. Applejack frowns at my expression. “What...?”

“Nothing,” I reply, hoping she doesn’t push the issue.

“Nothin’? Yer not gonna play that, ‘nothin’somethin,’ game that Twilight told me about are ya?” Applejack asks me.

I sigh. “No...”

“Then out with it!” Applejack retorts.

“Out with what?” I reply, trying to dodge the question.

“Out with what you were gonna ask or tell me!” Applejack commands. I want to keep biting my lip on this matter. She rubs her face a bit. “Or are ya wanting to sleep in the barn on yer first night?”

I pause and raise a hoof. I open my mouth, but then stop myself. “Uhm...how bad are the sleeping conditions in the barn?” Applejack gives me the, ‘I’m serious,’ look. Better fess up.

“Scootaloo and Sweetie Bell, I presume?” Applejack’s look is pretty much what I feared it would be. She is shocked, scared and confused.

“Seriously? Is there anythin’ ya don’t know about us?” She asks me.

“I don’t know what room I’m going to be sleeping in tonight,” I reply sarcastically.

Applejack sighs. Not a good sign. “Right, yer gonna be sleeping in this room right here,” she finally replies showing me to the room at the end of the hallway.

It is a minimally furnished room. There’s a simple bed with a ‘hand stitched’ quilt on it, a dresser with a mirror, and one or two chairs. Overall, it’s nice. And like everything that is in this house, well everything on this farm, it’s decorated with little apple decals. Good gods. By the time this is all over, I am going to be sick of seeing apples. I attempt to pull my saddlebags off. I still haven’t had that much practice, and I am sure it is something that I should be doing more of, but still.

“Ya need any help with that there?” Applejack asks me.

“Nope! Almost...” There! Ha! Got it. “A little easier than I thought.” However this victory is short lived as they start to slide off my back. Reaching back, I quickly catch them in my mouth. I don’t want to drop anything. I haven’t a clue where Twilight put my pencil. Or the other pencils. I carefully set the bags next to the bed.

“Right then!” Applejack says after. “Now that we have ya all settled! Let me show ya around the farm!”

==============================================================

Heartbreak was just plain confusing. Horribly emotional, difficult to pin down, and worst of all, her knowledge of the Apple family was just plain creepy. “It’s like she was watching our lives without us knowing it,” Applejack thought to herself.

Heartbreak rolled her eyes and sighed. “I guess, after all you have work that needs to be done. But I haven’t a f-f-ffeting clue what use I am going to be,” she said looking fearfully at the stairs.

“Ah’m sure ah can find something ya can do,” Applejack replied, quietly creeping her way down. “After all-” She paused and looked behind her. Heartbreak was looking a bit fidgety about something. But then turned around and started back tracking down the stairs. As the two passed, she gave her an unnerved look.

“What?” Heartbreak asked. “I am terrified of heights. And from this vantage point, stairs scare me to death.”

“Oh.” Applejack replied. This was something understandable. “She did fall from Cloudsdale after all. Anypony would be terrified of heights after a fall like that.” The two ponies quietly snuck past the snoozing Granny Smith and out into the farmyard. “Well then, here’s the farm!” AJ exclaimed, once they were outside.

The Cows are Restless, the Sheep are Nervous.

Chapter 17

The Cows are Restless, the Sheep are Nervous.

The sounds of the farm enter my ears and I take a deep inhalation of the air around me. It smells exactly like a farm mixed with country air. The world of Equestria hasn’t been tainted with things like pollution or harsh chemicals.

But a farmyard still smells like a farmyard. The smell of cut grass, drying hay, animals and manure. It’s a special kind of pungent that when you and your friends pass through on the highways of Minnesota, one of them, without fail has to open one of the windows and go, ‘Mmmmmm! Smell that country air!’

Granted that the, ‘country air’ here isn’t like it is back on the Earth I am from. This is less industrialized, more raw. In the modern industrialized world, there are small cramped buildings filled with animals that don’t see too much sunshine or have too much space. And then there is the smell. Layers upon layers of horrible ammonia and methane. That are blended with the particular odor of that animal. Around in the more rural parts of Minnesota, this was generally pig or turkey farms.

“I know what a farm is, Applejack,” I reply. “We have farms were I am from.” Fuck. With the way that she has imagined my world, it’s most likely an industrial nightmare in her mind. Quick! Lessen the blow! Damage control! “In fact, there are a good deal of farms where I am from that are exactly like this one.” I make a face looking at the all too colourful decorations that adorn the storage units and fences. “Well, almost exactly like them..”

Applejack’s expression is hard to judge on what I just said. While she is nodding and smiling, as if to say, ‘Oh right, so ya all are exactly like us pony-folk,’ her eyes are telling me that she doesn’t quite believe me and that industrial style nightmare is sleeping in her mind. “Right, well, some of the morning chores that ah normally do begin with checking on the other critters that care to call this humble farm home. Like the cows and sheep.”

I’m a little worried about her introducing me to what would just be live stock on the world I am from. Cows and Sheep are animals that humans have long domesticated and they didn’t domesticate them for their intelligence. It’s awkward enough being around colourful talking ponies. The thought of having a conversation with an animal that your entire species practically enslaved for their meat? That’s not something I am looking forward to. “Fuck, you’re sounding like an ad for PETA. And PETA is a bunch of bullshit, H.B.” Playful barking breaks my rather unpleasant thoughts about these matters and Winona comes bounding towards us.

“Good morning to you too, Winona!” Applejack says, greeting her dog. “Heartbreak, this here is...” Applejack pauses and gives me a look. “Well, Ah’m guessing ya already know who this is, seeing that ya know so much about us as it is.”

Applejack sounded rather happy to introduce me to Winona. And part of me is rather disappointed that she stopped on the account of me already knowing. “Yes, I do, but you don’t have to stop,” I say, quietly looking at Winona. I blink. Winona seems to have stopped her normal bouncy greeting and is backing away a bit.

“Right then! Heartbreak, ya already know Winona. Winona this here is Heart-” Applejack is interrupted by Winona taking a cautious sniff at me and then backing up and growling. The look on her face is starting to scare me.

“Applejaaaack...” I say nervously.

“Winona!” Applejack scolds. Winona cowers and whimpers. She looks incredibly sad, but almost instantly changes the moment she sees me. Applejack frowns, and instead of facing her owners chastising again, Winona turns tail and runs back to the farm. “Winona!” Applejack calls out. “Well, Ah never.” That’s two pet tests I’ve failed. Any more and I think I will start to suspect that something is up. “Ah’m sorry about that there, Heartbreak. She’s never dun that before.”

I nod and attempt to brush the fear away. “I-it’s fine, Applejack. I’m a stranger. She’s just trying to protect her family.”

“Yeah, but she hardly-” Applejack begins.

“I said I was fine,” I insist. I don’t want to think anymore about what just happened. If I do, I’ll get upset, from there I’ll be angry and it’ll be Owloysius all over again. I steel myself up. “Right, let’s just go back to showing me the rest of the farm, right?”

==============================================================

Applejack was confused by what just happened. Winona was such a well behaved dog. She always followed commands and greeted strangers in a friendly manner. But with the way that she acted just now, a pony might think that Heartbreak was threatening to attack. “Though, some fancy dog breeding ponies say that dogs could pick up more on their owners feelings and fears than anything. Ah’ hope ah’m not projecting anything that would give Winona the wrong impression about Heartbreak. She’s been through so much as it is already.” “Right then! How about we go check up on the cows, then!”

Heartbreak sighed and looked less than enthusiastic. “Sure,” she replied, walking with Applejack to the barn that housed the cows.

Applejack opened the barn doors, and rang a nearby cowbell. “Morn’ ladies! Rise and shine!” she called out.
Many of the cows were already awake and quietly talking away with one another about different matters. How the hay was, how well the milk was flowing, how much they enjoyed the sun and hoped to do a bit of free-ranging today.

“Ooooh, gooood morning there, Applejack!” One of them called out.

“Morn’ Betsy!” Applejack said, smiling. A brown cow nodded contently back at Applejack. “Hey, Dairyanne. How’s it flowin’?”

“Same as always, Applejack. Warm and white,” Dairyanne replied.

A cow with a crank calculator and some paperwork was busily crunching numbers. “How’s this month’s production look there, Gateway?” Applejack asked, leaning against her stall and looking only slightly concerned.

“Oh, we’ll have enough to pay for your rent, enough for grass and hay costs, and even a little leftover to contribute to the farm if all goes well!” the black and white spotted cow replied.

There was a cow at the end of the barn that lay upon a large mat of grass chewing on a tuft of hay. She watched the others with lazy contentment. “Good mornin’, Mr. Moo-Moo,” Applejack said smiling. “Heartbreak this here is-” Applejack stopped in the middle of her sentence.

Heartbreak had been rather quiet during this whole time and only now did Applejack see why. Behind her, the tan pony was looking exceptionally uncomfortable and horribly nervous. It wasn’t hard to see why either. The other cows were giving her odd looks. Very wary, almost fearful looks.

“Goood Morning, Applejack,” Mr. Moo-Moo replies. “Uuuhm, Whooo is your neeew friend?”

==============================================================

I have not walked but ten feet into the barn that houses the cattle and I am already getting weird looks. There’s a saying, once is nothing. Twice, coincidence. Three times? Now that’s the start of a pattern. Calm down, H.B., seriously. You’re a newcomer here and A.J. hasn’t introduced you as of yet.

But the looks in their eyes are telling me something else. The way that those big brown cow eyes keep following me. Even the cow named, ‘Gateway,’ has stopped her number crunching and is giving me a strange look. Stop it. Just stop being self-conscious and all worried about this.

Applejack frowns at them and they turn back to doing what it was that they were doing before. She turns back to, ‘Mr. Moo-Moo.’ “Well, this here is Heartbreak.” she replies. “Heartbreak, this here is Mr. Moo-Moo.”

The name is totally throwing me off. Obviously, this is a cow. Not a bull. A cow. She has udders, a female voice with a Wisconsin accent, and I am quite sure she has what every cow - what every female - has that makes her female. She slowly chews her hay and looks at me with slight indifference. “It is very nice tooo meet yooou, Heartbreak.”

I still don’t care who that is coming from. I hate that name. Calm down H.B. No need to freak out in the middle of the barn. “Uhm, likewise,” I reply. Damn it. Do I sound like a shut in? Make some kind of small talk! “Mr. Moo-Moo?” She gives me a soft smile and nods her head. “Uhm, not to be rude and I might not be one to talk. But your name is Mr. Moo-Moo?”

She blinks and then gets what I am trying to imply. “Ooooh yes, I get a lot of confuuuused questions about that.” she lifts a hoof and points to the other cows in the barn. I think there are twelve here. Well, thirteen if you count, ‘Mr. Moo-Moo,’ “Yooou see, I happen to run a rather tight shift with my girls here, and some of the neeew creew thought that was rather, ‘bullish,’ of me. Sooo, they dubbed me with the name, ‘Mr. Mooo-Mooo.’ Instead of giving into their teasing, I took up the nickname and accepted it,” she explains, shrugging.

“Oh, I see.” I eye the barn door. While Mr. Moo-Moo doesn’t seem like is giving me any funny looks, I am still feeling uneasy. Why the hell am I feeling this uneasy around talking cows!? “So, Applejack, how about you show me the rest of the farm?” Applejack gives me an odd look.

“Alright, ya ladies have a fine day. Ah’ll come back ta see ya at nooon!” Applejack almost sings out that last part. The cows give a short laugh at her antics, before we leave the barn.

==============================================================

Applejack was taken back by the cows’ reactions to Heartbreak. “They never acted like that with any of the others. Ah’m gonna have to have a talk with them later.”

Heartbreak looked nervously back at the barn and kept walking forward. “Where to next? The sheep?”

Applejack nodded. “Now, keep in mind, the sheep are a little different.”

“Different how? Can’t they talk and express themselves as well?” Heartbreak asked.

“Well, yeah, but they’re the type that if ya give them an inch, they’ll take a mile,” Applejack responded. “Now, keep in mind there is one who is pretty much in charge of the rest of them, but she knows her place around here.” Heartbreak just rolled her eyes and shook her head as the two of them approached the pen that sheep were kept in. “Morn’ all, time ta be let out and tak’n to grazin’ on the south hill taday!”

The sheep on the other hoof said nothing, but as the two ponies came closer, they started to back away. Heartbreak watched Applejack open the pen. The sheep looked at Applejack and backed away a bit farther from the entrance of pen. Their eyes were clearly fixed on Heartbreak.

“Now, come on out!” Applejack commanded. She turned to Heartbreak. “See? This here is why ah don’t give these critters an inch.” Heartbreak said nothing, but the expression on her face was more than enough to say something. Her left eye had started to twitch and the expression on her face somehow mingled fear and rage together. “Heart-uhm, H.B.? Are ya alright?”

“One second, Applejack. I want to see something,” she angrily replied walking past the entrance of the pen. As she walked near the fence, the sheep moved away, giving her a wide space. She looked at them with a sharp glare and then shuffled backwards. The sheep followed in suit. She then continued walking forward, her head slumping down with a bitter expression. As soon as she was on the other side of the pen, the sheep bolted out of the gate. Heartbreak slumped and dropped her rear to the ground in an upset manner.

Applejack walked over to the sad looking pony. “Is there somethin’ wrong, sugarcube?”

“The sheep are purposely avoiding me,” She replied dejectedly.

Obscure Equestrian Mythology 101

Chapter 36

Obscure Equestrian Mythology 101

Dib looked over the plate at one of the most, if not the most, iconic figures in the Human Lovers Club. The founding member, the spokespony-er person, for their little subculture. Lyra Heartstrings! He couldn’t believe his luck! Well, not as much luck as it was the chances that she would be actually talking with him. It was a small convention after all.

“Well, it was kind of weird how it started. I am one of those ponies-” Dib started out.

“People,” Lyra corrected.

Dib chuckled and almost giggled. “Yes, people. Who spends most of their time in book stories and libraries checking out some of the more obscure sections. Places that are normally not given any attention by...uhm what’s the term?” He thought for a moment. “Children?” Lyra nodded. “Children at my school. Particularly the Reference section. Lots of thick musty old books. One day, during lunch break, I came across a really old book. I mean there are old books all over the place but this one looked like it was going to fall apart the moment I touched it. But venturing into those yellowed old pages I found some really rare myths! One of which was called, ‘The Three Human Kings.’”

“Yes, that is like the near cornerstone of human mythology in Equestria. Any books are really hard to find regarding it.” Lyra leaned closer in order to get a good listen to what Dib had to say. She looked up at Heartbreak who was chewing on a carrot, the green stem sticking out of her mouth. “Have you ever heard of this story where you’re from?” She asked.

Heartbreak’s eyes darted back and forth and she swallowed her carrot, the top end falling from her lips. “Uhm, no. Before I met you in the library, I hadn’t even heard of uhm, well you know-” She swallowed hard and bit on her lip. “Huuuyumons.” She pushed out.

Dib blinked. “You mean, ‘humans,’ right?”

“Yes Dib, it’s one of those words I can’t pronounce correctly due to my, uhm, ticks.” She replied rubbing her right ankle. “And no, I have never heard of this story, Lyra.”

Lyra clapped her hooves excitedly. “Well then, let me tell you it!”

Heartbreak rolled her eyes. “Oh, you don’t have to...I mean it would be just something extra for you to do and it would just be more trouble tha-”

Lyra smiled widely. “Oh it wouldn’t be any trouble at all! Brick House is a good security guard, and there are four other coordinators in the different rooms to make sure that things run smoothly! If you want, I can give you the basic rundown of human mythology in Equestria!”

Heartbreak looked less than enthusiastic about this prospect. “Oh, goodie...I mean if you must...”
“Right,” Lyra began. “The old stories go that once, before the tribes even had considered joining to form Equestria, there was a group of strange visitors who claimed to be from a faraway world. And they called themselves, ‘Human Beings.’”

Heartbreak gave a slightly bemused expression. “Gee. You don’t say.”

Lyra chuckled nervously. “Uhm, yeah. Telling stories isn’t really my special talent. I’m more about singing and songwriting.”

Crab Apple glared at Heartbreak. She swallowed hard and looked away. “Right, uhm, I didn’t mean to, uhm interrupt, please continue.”

Lyra nodded. “When the humans came, they were lead by three kings and the great, power and wise magician named Merlin. When they arrived,” Lyra paused and looked thoughtful. “Sorry, I’m just trying to get this alright in my head. When the humans arrived, they claimed that they were from a distant world, a world that at the time was filled with strife, pestilence and suffering. And that they were seeking a new place upon which they could settle and begin a new.

At first the ponies welcomed their new friends with open arms and they lived in harmony. And the humans brought gifts with them. Well, more like ideas. Each tribe of ponies has a natural niche they fall into. Earth Ponies are natural growers and bakers. Pegasi control the weather and work with nature, and Unicorns work with magic and tend to be natural leaders. The Humans saw these traits and thought that they could give new gifts and ideas to their newly found friends. A group called the, Paysan, taught the earth ponies about the idea of industrialized farming. The Greecians saw the Pegasi’s potential for combat from the skies and helped them learn the ways of war. And those who were with Merlin, saw the Unicorns and helped them found the idea of, ‘Kingdoms.’”

Heartbreak’s wide eyed expression was still plastered on her face as she continued to eat the food off her platter. Dib, however was enraptured by the whole of this story. Heartbreak swallowed her food and coughed. “And then what happened?” She asked.

“Uhm, huh?” Lyra asked.

“Well-” she rubbed her ankle again. “It just seems to me that, there aren’t any of these creatures around today. Plus you’ve made this big build up. Normally when that happens, there’s some tragic event and a resolution. Ya know, parts of a story?”

“She’s quick. Thus far however, she doesn’t seem to be budging. That pony is one cool clam...” Lyra thought to herself. “Sadly, you’re right. Something did happen. The ponies took to the Humans gifts like fish to water. The Earth Ponies took agriculture and made it an art form. The Pegasi refined the art of war and made aerial combat a wondrous sight to behold. Unicorns ran kingdoms with grace and ease. The ponies wanted to show their new friends what they had done with their gifts, but the ponies weren’t aware that the humans had been watching all along. And the humans, as much as I hate saying this, were growing envious...

The ponies had a bounty of food, while the humans, lacking any form of innate magic, had to work hard. They would look at the pegasi flying through the air and envied their wings and freedom. And while the unicorns, of the time, ruled justly and wisely, the humans saw them as snobbish and on the arrogant side. Relationships between both sides started to chafe as the pony’s new friends started to grow resentful.”

Heartbreak raised a hoof. “Let me guess, war broke out?”

Lyra nodded. “Humans themselves came from a world where they were the only, ‘intelligent life,’ and all other creatures were subject to their whims. Having talking ponies telling them what they could or could not do, didn’t sit right with them. So they attempted to show their dominance. They attempted to enslave them.” Heartbreak’s cold composure started to crumble around the edges. “Interesting...” Lyra thought to herself. “Another wizard among the humans named, ‘Mordred,’ came up with the idea of giving the ponies another set of gifts as a token of peace. These objects are actually things that we ponies have still with us and don’t even give two thoughts about. But Mordred was cunning and crafty in his ways.”

Dib sat in wide eyed awe as he drank in the details of this story. “What were these things?”

“They were bridles, saddles and rings,” Lyra explained. “Now a days, these things are relegated to the realm of being accessories, but back then? They were new and shiny gifts. Mordred offered the bridles to the Earth Ponies, the saddles to the Pegasi, and the rings to the Unicorns. His hope was that the members of these three tribes would take them to their leaders. If he tried anything so blunt as to offer them directly to the leaders of the three tribes, Merlin would know that something was up, and would have examined them more in detail.

So he let his gifts circulate around among the tribes and even among non-pony folk alike. Little did the inhabitants of Equestria know what these, ‘trinkets,’ could really do. But they soon found out. Slowly, ever so slowly, Earth ponies who wore bridles found themselves talking less and working more. That might not seem like a big deal, but it would get to the point where some of them worked themselves to death. Pegasia who wore saddles were more inclined to allow humans to ride on their backs and were even more likely to side with them on almost any matter. The only ones that didn’t seem affected were the Unicorns. But that was because the cruel and cunning Mordred was waiting for just the right moment.”

“When was that?” Crab Apple asked.

“On a holiday that was much like our current Summer Sun Celebration. When all the ponies would gather together...” Lyra replied. “That day, the humans were invited to join in on the celebration, however what happened only resulted in tragedy. Mordred activated the rings and the unicorns wearing them fell under his sway. What was once a, at best novice wizard was now a powerful one. The unaffected did fight back, but were forced to retreat at the might of the terrible Mordred.”

Heartbreak raised her hoof. “Uhm, question.” Lyra looked over at her. “Not to be nitpicky, but it just seems that this Mordred was able to take control of the ponies here pretty easily. I mean, how wasn’t Merlin aware of these things? Cause it seems that if Merlin was the expert Wizard and Mordred was the student wizard-”

“Novice,” Crab Apple corrected.

Heartbreak rolled her eyes. “Yes, novice. But it just seems to me that he couldn’t do this without any help from the-” she paused as the two of them looked at her. “Ponies. Uhm, right. Shutting up now.”

Lyra coughed and then continued. “Well, there were rumors of that in the stories, but this is the story that I heard. So, seeing that it was a really long time ago, there might be details that were missing, left out, distorted and the like. Anyway, what happened next was, in my humble opinion, the most tragic part of this story. Merlin quickly gathered the three human kings and the remaining unaffected ponies. Thankfully, the leaders of the three tribes had not been captured in all of this. They talked over what could be done to stop Mordred and came to what they felt was the only viable conclusion.” Lyra sighed and shook her head. “If the humans couldn’t control themselves, people like Mordred or even members of the other human tribes, then they didn’t belong in the Equestrian world. Merlin proposed that the the unicorn leaders help him return all of the humans back to their world in a form of self-exile. There were some among the ponies there that didn’t like this idea, but in the end they all agreed to it. Details about how this was done are sketchy at best. All that anyone knows is after two weeks when Mordred was gathering his forces? All the humans vanished. And because they weren’t there, the rings, saddles and bridles just stopped working.”

Lyra watched the two pony’s reactions. Crab Apple looked understandably saddened by it. Heartbreak looked thoughtful and then frowned before raising a hoof. “I am guessing this is the part where you say, ‘And now you know the rest of the story.’” She shook her head. “You’re going to have to forgive me for being a tad bit skeptical here. But it just seems a little too...well...uhm...watery?”

Lyra blinked questioningly. “What do you mean?”

“Well, ever since you showed me that picture of what I can only assume these creatures look like, a few questions popped into my mind. Questions from a biological standpoint that is,” Heartbreak replied.

“Biological standpoint?” Crab Apple asked.

“Yes, uhm, you see, in Mineighsota, we had a limited population that was isolated for a long period of time. To keep our numbers going and our population healthy, we had to understand a lot of biological stuff. Like what traits are needed to survive, why you shouldn’t breed too close to your family lines, uhm...and questionable genetics...” she said frowning. “And the picture you showed me was of a creature that doesn’t look like it could survive too well outside of many environments, I mean, it looked like it didn’t have any claws or horns and did it even have any fur?”

Crab Apple blinked. “What does that have to do with anything?” He asked, frowning slightly. It was so odd that Heartbreak was so quick to jump to poke holes in the story.

“Well, think about some horribly dangerous creatures that are real threats to ponies. Dragons and changelings are the first thing to come to my mind,” Heartbreak commented, looking to the side.

“They knew about changelings in Mineighsota?” Lyra asked.

Heartbreak blinked. “I spent an entire month in the library with Twilight, Lyra. I learned things about the, ‘outside world.’ But that isn’t the point. These huuy-mons don’t look like they have any real natural advantages. No teeth, no claws, no fur. I mean if you’ve got them in large numbers maybe, but ponies have magic. Other than that Merlin and Mordred, did they have any magic?”

Lyra blinked. “Well, no. But they had their imaginations, tools and high adaptability! Not to mention-” Lyra looked at her hoof wistfully and then at Heartbreak’s hoof enviously. “Hands.”

“Seriously Lyra, magic can do anything in the blink of an eye. A unicorn with the right spell, or even ponies gathered together under a common banner? They can do anything. It’s the only way that Mineighsotains survived in isolation. And we too had to use our imaginations, tools and adaptability! What do these creatures have? It just seems like they’ve got...well nothing!” Heartbreak retorted.

“And that’s what makes the story more believable! These humans were able to overcome us ponies via nothing but cunning and wit!” Lyra insisted.

Heartbreak’s face scrunched up before her eyes shot wide open. “What?! How does that make any sense?! The more helpless something is, the more likely it is to overtake something more powerful than it?!”

Just then, a bellowing voice interrupted the conversation. “Hi there!”

Heartbreak looked up and shrieked at the pony face jutting out of its human costume.

Author's Note

Dang it. I was tired when typing that.