Chapters Always Look on the Bright Side
Hi. I'm Twilight Sparkle. I have a PHD in many different subjects. Be it in mathematics, astronomy, physics, and general science, I suppose you could say that I've outdone myself.
But let me say this right here and now. Life is not easy. In fact, most of the time, life can be a piece of shit unless you take it by the horns and learn to control it. If you don't act when you're given the opportunity, you might end up not being able to do anything at all. And let's be honest here; NO-ONE wants to live like that.
While school, finding a job, and climbing the ladder were hard, they were nothing compared to what I've had to deal with. You might think that I've been bullied, or that the odds seemed impossible, or that I was far too deep in my head to possibly succeed at life, but it's none of those things. In fact, what's really been taxing me a lot isn't the ever-climbing costs of gas, water, and electricity. When you hear my story, you'll know exactly what bullshit I have to put up with.
After spending some time with Flash Sentry; captain of the Canterlot Football team, we started travelling the world together. He took me to so many magical places. Japan, Dubai, Phuket, Singapore, you name it. It was like he was a fairytale prince with how well he treated me; something you wouldn't expect from a person of his... calibre—especially back in high school.
But then, just after we'd gotten married and were starting to get cosy in bed, I was diagnosed with pregnancy. The process was a bit tedious, unnerving, and downright scary at times, but in the end, we both knew one thing. We were gonna have children. Kids of our own who would carry on our legacies; to go on and do great things just like their mommy and daddy did. It was quite a lot to take in, but we still managed to see it through.
But what might shock you was that it wasn't just any kind of pregnancy. It was a rare kind of condition where instead of having one or two buns in the oven, we instead wound up with five. Now, you would think that with five babies all being born on the same day that a few of them would have to get hooked up to some weird machines, right? Well, actually, they all came out perfectly healthy. They didn't have to be taken to some care ward so that their organs could develop or something like that. They were just fine and dandy once they popped out.
All five of them were girls, so we came up with some good names for them all. The one with golden hair was called Adagio Dazzle, because we thought that she would go on to become a great composer with a flair for singing. The second one with purple and green hair was Starlight Glimmer, because when she grows up, I'll personally teach her the wonders of space and the many celestial bodies twinkling in the night sky. As for the third one with red hair, we went for the name Moondancer because she always seemed to reach for the moon at night when we tucked her in. There was another girl with a slightly darker shade of red but with yellow stripes in it. We called her Sunset Shimmer because of this. Finally, when we got to the girl with aquamarine hair, we thought that we should give her a normal name; one that wouldn't raise too much attention. So, after a long debate, we finally decided on the name of Trixie.
Now, you might be thinking to yourselves, "But Twilight, that seems like a wonderful life. You've got a great job, you've got the perfect husband, and you've got five cute little daughters to carry on your legacies." Well, I'm gonna have to say that two out of three isn't bad on that one.
This might come as a surprise to absolutely no-one, but handling a kid is much harder than you'd be able to imagine. All the crying, pooping of diapers, all the stuff that could lead to the kid getting hurt, it's the hardest part of being a parent. If it were one baby, then it would be perfectly fine to cope with. But there were five babies in our lives and only two of us. You can guess how our first day would've been like.
Actually, why don't I tell you all about my first day of being a mother? No, not the actual birthing process themselves. I'm talking about the first day that our five kids woke up. Every good story needs to start at the beginning—not the halfway point. You also might want to get yourself a drink as well, because this is going to be a long story.
The first thing that you should know about babies is that they're impossible to predict. You never know what they'll do, when they'll do it, or even how for that matter. That's why when we were designing our room for Adagio, Moondancer, Trixie, Starlight, and Sunset, we wanted to take no risks, make everything as safe as it could possibly be, and to have a place where our daughters could romp and play freely.
But even with all of our baby-proofing, all five of the kids were a lot to deal with. Whether some of them liked to play with their toys the wrong way, wrestle and crawl over each other because they both wanted the same toy, or even if a few of them tried to escape the room altogether, it seemed like we were being dealt a hand we wouldn't be able to win with.
So, when the kids woke up, I was the first one to welcome them to the family. I personally picked all five of them out of their cribs and settled them down on the floor. The floor was pink, by the way, because pink usually refers to girls.
"Hey there, girls," I said. "Welcome to planet Earth. I'm Twilight Sparkle. But feel free to call me mama." God, I sounded really cheesy there, didn't I? "I'm going to be watching over all of you and making sure that none of you get hurt. Just think of me as a cuddly teddy bear that you can snuggle up to."
Now, for being babies, you wouldn't understand a thing that was going on if you were in their shoes. So Adagio just ended up putting her thumb in her mouth, Sunset began drooling, Starlight and Trixie tilted their heads, and Moondancer began to look around the place to see what she could do. I just decided to let them get on with it because I didn't want to stall their first playtime together. You're only ever a baby once, so you might as well play and have fun while you still can, because the second you start growing up, everything gets harder and harder.
Now, I won't go into too much detail about exactly what my kids did on the first day. I'll let you fill out the blanks yourself. Whether they were into their dolls, building blocks, dressing up in cute little outfits, or just exploring in general, I might just let the audience decide what the kids like. If I made it too obvious, then it wouldn't really resonate well with the reader.
But I will say that somewhere in the afternoon, everything started to go wrong. Flash hadn't come back yet because his team's practice had run over the designated time. That and the traffic around that time was a bit too hectic for him to handle. I remember the text message having some swear words in it too. So, that left me with my five children until he came back.
When I went up to the room, I saw Adagio and Sunset were fighting over a small doll, making high-pitched and tinny little grunts as they tried to wretch the doll from each others' hands. I was about to swoop in and stop them from fighting, but then I heard Trixie begin to cry. She'd just knocked down a tower of building blocks that she must've spent minutes trying to build. I was going to comfort her, but then Starlight began to try as well. She'd done a number two in her diaper and needed a change quickly. So I tended to her while trying to deal with the piercing screams of Trixie at the same time. Honestly, if you think going to a rock concert is an assault on the ears, you haven't been the mother of five little girls.
After I'd cleaned Starlight up and set her back down on the floor, I watched both Adagio and Sunset pull the doll so hard that they pulled its' limbs off, spewing little pieces of fabric all over the floor. They should've stopped there, but they were still desperate to try and get whatever remained of the toy that I had to take action. I swooped in and took it from both of them, watching them both begin to cry as they reached out for it. The only one who wasn't crying was Moondancer, so I have to commend her for keeping calm while everyone else was in tears.
"Alright, alright, alright ! Don't cry. Don't cry..." I said, picking up the wailing babies one after another. I began to rock them gently and play with their hairs as I began to shush them. "Calm down, little ones. Mama's here to look after you. Just stop crying, please."
So now, not only did I have to soothe three of my five little ones, but I also had to clean up the mess that they made before Starlight or Moondancer inhaled some of the doll's fabric. Trust me, when you're trying to keep some of your kids calm while making sure the others don't make themselves sick, it can get a bit daunting at times.
As the other babies began to calm down, I saw that Starlight was crawling closer towards the remains of the doll, examining the fabric and making little babbles here and there. I set the other three down when I saw everything that was happening and grabbed her as soon as she put a single handful of the white stuffing into her mouth. I had to give her back a gentle slap and hold her over the floor to get her to spit it out—and even then, she was still chewing and trying to swallow the stuff! I thought that I wasn't going to be able to stop her for a few seconds. But then, just to make my life worse, she threw up not just the fabrics, but a chunk of vomit as well. Great. Just fucking spectacular. I had an even bigger mess to clean up now.
"Starlight! Bad girl." I wagged my finger at her as she simply put her finger back in her mouth and sucked nonchalantly. I carried her over towards the nearby playpen and sat her down next to the stuffed animals. "Now, you stay here for a moment, dearie. Mama needs to go and clean up the mess you made." And I left her in there while I went downstairs to get the clean up stuff.
Now, I know what you're thinking. "It's just a quick run to get something to clean up puke and doll linens. What could go wrong?" Well, as it would turn out, you would be surprised.
I made a very quick dash because I didn't want to leave the babies alone for more than a minute. Apparently, I shouldn't have left them alone for more than a second, because when I got back up to the room, everything had just decided to go off at once.
Adagio had pooped in her diaper now, Trixie was frantically waving her arms around as she tried to shake some of the mess Starlight made off of her arms, Starlight herself was crying and holding onto the bars like she'd been put in prison, Moondancer couldn't take the noise anymore and just joined the crowd, leaving Sunset just sitting there, quietly drooling all over her legs and diaper. And all that just because I'd left them alone without Flash. See, this is the thing when you're a married woman with five kids and only one husband. Things start to spiral out of control very fast if you're not around. And these five are only babies. I shudder to think of what they'd be able to do once they're all five years old...
"Goddammit. Where the fuck are you, Flash?" I mumbled to myself as I began to clean up the mess and dispose of it properly. After that was done, I dashed over towards all of my kids and watched as they all let out a horrible symphony of baby wails. "Honestly, this was the one time where I didn't need this bullshit today..."
Once I got rid of all of the residue and properly binned it, I came back to the kids. I picked Starlight out of the crib and gave her a quick hug before I set her back down with the other kids. At this point, I was so tempted to hold my hands to my ears given how loud the noise was. I held out for a moment but then let out a small scream of my own as I went out of the room to put the other stuff back.
Now, there is one other thing that you should know about babies. No matter what they're doing or if they're starting to cry, I feel that the best solution is always a pacifier. I'm not entirely sure why, but whenever one of those rubber bulbs gets put in a baby's mouth, they almost immediately calm down. Guess that's why they're called pacifiers, huh? They pacify and neutralise the kids when all else fails.
Anyway, once I came back to the nursery, I went over towards the changing table and opened a small drawer on the front. Inside it were five pacifiers, all brightly coloured and marked for each of the girls in tiny permanent marker writing. As soon as I put them in the kids' mouths, their crying stopped and they began suckling on the things immediately—they were like robots.
Another convenient thing that pacifiers can do is induce sleep. Sometimes, whenever a baby begins to suck on one, they begin to feel tired and more relaxed, hence the other nickname for them; soothers. I took all five of my little ones up and put them into their cribs one by one while they were still delightfully chewing on the rubber bulbs, tucking them in and giving them all a cuddly animal each to hold while they went for their nap.
"Will they really sleep, though?" I asked myself. Could you blame me for questioning the value of one of those things? It was only my first day as a mom, y'know. "I'd better keep an eye on them to make sure that these things really work."
One after another, my kids were beginning to nap. The pacifiers seemed to be working their magic. Adagio and Moondancer were the first ones to fall asleep, with Trixie following closely after. Then Sunset closed her eyes, leaving me with only Starlight. She was still sucking with her eyes wide open, so I couldn't be sure if the effects were guaranteed to work every time. I gently rocked her back and forth while she was munching on her soother and that seemed to do it. At long last, my five babies were fast asleep and I could have some time to myself for once.
So the lesson of the day here, ladies and gentlemen, is always to look on the bright side of things and keep going until the end. Because no matter how hard your day is and no matter what stuff you go through on a daily basis, you'll always have a peaceful and happy ending. If I could deal with Adagio, Sunset, Moondancer, Trixie, and Starlight all at the same time, then I'm sure that you and your own friends and family will make it through the struggles you go through.
But let me tell you that this isn't even the start of my problems. I've had to deal with so much more than just a small little thing while Flash was caught up in traffic. I've had more than just a single little incident with my five little monsters. There have been times where even WITH Flash helping me out, those girls are harder to control than a pack of dogs chasing after a runaway cat.
I would tell you the whole story right now, but I'm a mother with five babies on her hand. Even now, they're all messing around. Sunset! Adagio! Stop trying to grab the knife off the counter! Flash, please, can't you stop them?
I'm trying my hardest, Twilight! But it's like these babies are smarter than we think!
Starlight! Moondancer! No! Get off of the coffee table! You're gonna hurt yourselves if you keep that up! Uh... I'll see you all tomorrow. If I keep this recording going for long, my kids are gonna need to go back to the hospital. C'mon, you two, this isn't funny! Flash, can you turn the recorder off?
Way ahead of you, Twilight.
Author's Note
So, I tried a completely different narrative this time around. Instead of making the narrator omnipresent, I decided to make Twilight the narrator and have scenes that revolve around her experiences as well as the events that go on in the present day for her. If any of you like or don't like this form of narration, then please feel free to let me know and I'll fix it for you all.
But regardless, I hope that you enjoy the story and share it with all of your friends and family.
Alright. So as it turns out, having a playdate a few weeks after you have kids isn't as pleasant as you'd think it would be. Sure, it's nice to let your babies meet other little monsters of the same age, but if you might recall, I have five babies with me. Five plus two is seven, so that means that we not only had our own kids to deal with, but also Pinkie Pie's little rascals, Pound and Pumpkin Cake. Christ, it felt like I was a caretaker at a day-care rather than being at home...
Now before I start with the retelling of today's explosion of madness, allow me to get this off my chest: I'm not against any of my listeners getting a job at a day-care center. It might seem like I had trouble dealing with these seven babies today, but that shouldn't dissuade any of you from doing it yourselves. Plus, unlike me and Flash, you would get paid for handling infants. I was basically doing this whole thing for the good of not only my kids but for Pinkie's as well.
It was early in the morning and our kids were all playing in the living room. Sunset and Adagio were watching cartoons together, Starlight was busy with a large teddy bear, and me and Flash were busy with Trixie and Moondancer, cuddling them gently so that they didn't get into too much mischief. For that brief moment, everything seemed just peachy.
But then, who should come bursting through the door but Pinkie Pie. If you don't know who she is, she's one of my best friends. We met when we were in high school together, but I didn't pay her much notice on the first day. Once I did get to find out about her, I discovered that she's an over-energetic kid wrapped in the body of a 26-year old.
"Hi, Twilight! Hi, Flash!" She shouted as she came in and walked towards us.
In both of her arms were Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake; two more babies who were just a few months older than my own kids but were still under a year old nonetheless. They both sucked on their thumbs as Pinkie came in and didn't do anything else until Pinkie sat them down on her own legs, bouncing them up and down to make them giggle.
"Hi, Pinkie." I waved sheepishly as Trixie groped by breasts and buried her face into my cleavage. What? It's a baby, so it's totally fine for one of those little things to get in there. "What are you doing here?" I asked.
"Oh, well, as it turns out, the day-care's got so many kids to handle today, that they've decided to give me the day-off so that they can let some of the other workers handle those kids." Pinkie reclined on the couch. "But I didn't want Poundy and Pumpy here to think that I wouldn't let them have at one day without playing with other babies, so I decided to bring them to you and your kids instead."
"Well, that's nice of you, Pinkie, but we're fine as it is." Flash put his hands behind his head. "Sure, these girls might be hard to control at times, but we're still pulling through."
"Plus, with your two babies playing with our five, it's like you're turning our home into your work." I eyed Pinkie up as I pulled Trixie out of my chest. "Don't you want to have one day off from playing with babies, Pinkie Pie?"
"Nope!" Pinkie shook her head. "Babies are super-fun to play with and always a great thing to see when you're feeling saddy-waddy or if you're a stressed mess." She always spoke like that. Don't try and question it. It's just who she is. "That, and I've let Pound and Pumpkin meet all of the babies at the day-care centre, but I never really introduced them to your kids."
"Well, do you think that you could do it another day?" Flash leaned over. "We never really get any time to ourselves anymore with these five kids. In fact, we're especially lucky that they've been extra well-behaved today."
"Usually, by now, I'm having to run around changing one of the kids or stopping them from eating something that'd make them feel really sick," I added, hoping that it would have swung things in our favour. "I don't think you'd want to see the two of us stressed out, would you, Pinkie?"
"Aw, c'mon, sourpuss. Learn to live a little." Pinkie Pie was being extra playful that day, as it turned out. I could tell from the way that she nudged me that she was going to make sure that everything worked out fine. "If the babies do start to cry and cause chaos, you've got an extra pair of hands to help you out. It'd be us three handling seven; which is much better than two with seven, if you ask me."
"Hmm... I suppose that you could be of some help." Those words? Those words right there? NEVER say them if you've got five babies and someone wants to add more to the mix. But I was a stupid girl at that time and I didn't want Pinkie Pie to feel sad. "Alright, Pinkie. We'll give you a chance, but I don't want your kids to be a nuisance."
"Don't worry. We're not gonna be a bother." Pinkie blew a raspberry and tipped her hand at me and Flash. "How much trouble could seven babies be?"
As it would turn out, seven babies can be a living hell. All that was missing was Satan, the heavy metal music, the screaming souls trapped for eternity, and the rivers of pure lava...
Pound and Pumpkin are great kids, I'm sure, but today, they were just really unbearable. First, Starlight refuses to share the bear with Pumpkin, then Pound decides to push Sunset over and sit on her body, just as he began to poop his diaper. A sodden diaper is one thing to make a baby upset, but to have one right in your face is a much bigger story. Sunset exploded with tears once the browned undergarment touched her face. I had to spend most of the time after that comforting her.
As me and Flash had to scramble handling the kids, Pound and Pumpkin weren't being any help either. They were picking magazines and coasters up from the coffee table and threw them all over the place, blowing raspberries at them once they hit the floor. It would've been cute if it weren't for the fact that they were causing a mess in my house.
"Pinkie Pie! You said they wouldn't be a problem!" I chided, patting Sunset Shimmer's back gently.
"I'm sorry, Twilight!" Pinkie barrel rolled to pick her children up. She darted up the stairs to what I could only imagine was my room as she left me and Flash to deal with our children.
"Don't worry, Sunset. We're here for you..." Flash had generously helped me in calming Sunset down. We're never gonna let her remember this day when she grows up. It'd be much too embarrassing for her.
Even after all of our hugs and kisses, Sunset was still crying and moaning. We tried all sorts of methods to make her happy. Silly faces, belly raspberries, but none of it seemed to work. The power of a soiled diaper crushing your face is apparently too traumatising for a baby, as it would seem.
"I'm going to give her a pacifier." I said, already going off to the room. "If any of the other kids start to scream and cry, let me know."
"Alright." Flash gave me a wave as I trekked up to the bedroom to find Sunset Shimmer's pacifier and calm her down. "And if Pinkie Pie comes back, make sure that Pound and Pumpkin Cake are kept under control. We don't want any more little incidents like that."
The good thing with babies is that when you're able to control them easier, the entire process of handling them becomes a breeze. Me and Flash both knew what would make our children happy and what would keep them from exploding. Even though she was practically crying her eyes out of their sockets, Sunset still loved a pacifier in her mouth. Once we made it back into the nursery, I picked hers up and plopped it in, not even noticing that Pinkie was still changing Pound, who was refusing to get his new diaper on.
"C'mon, Pound! You've always loved diapers until today!" Pinkie whined as she tried to get it on him, but to no avail. "On auntie Twilight's playdate, the least that you could do is co-operate with me!" All that I could hear after that was another raspberry from Pound's mouth.
"Pinkie Pie? Not to sound a bit rude or anything, but could you control your kids a little more?" I asked, turning to face her and Pound. "I mean, Pound unloaded a poop right onto Sunset's face. The poor dear would've cried all day unless her pacifier was here to calm her down."
"I'm really, really, REALLY sorry, Twilight." Pinkie Pie swiftly diapered Pound Cake. She was moving so fast that it was impossible for me to keep track of how she did it. "I didn't mean for them to be that badly behaved. They're usually so super-de-duperly good when they play with other kids."
"Then why's the one day that they'd want to be this rambunctious?" I lifted my eyebrow.
"I don't know. Pound and Pumpkin never misbehaved until now." Pinkie carried Pound into his arms and gently rocked him back and forth "It's a real rocky start to our playdate, huh?"
"That's an understatement if ever I heard one." I deadpanned and crossed my hands.
"Come on, Twilight. You know that I'm good on this kinda stuff." Pinkie Pie tried to settle her case and excuse Pound and Pumpkin's little mishaps. Had I not been friends with her, I wouldn't have usually forgiven her. But we had done a lot of things together and I knew that she wouldn't do it on purpose. "Just trust me on this. Together, we're gonna not only control our kids, but we're gonna have lots of fun watching cartoons together, doing finger painting, playing with stuffed animals, you name it!"
"Pinkie Pie, how long have we been friends?" I gave her a gentle smile. "We've gone through a lot together as friends. I'm not going to let your babies' behaviour get in the way of our friendship. The same could be said for the other girls if they ever get kids."
"Thanks, Twilight." Pinkie Pie gave me a smile and shook my hand. Together, the two of us went back down the stairs with our quiet kids in hand.
For some reason, as we were walking down, both Pound Cake and Sunset Shimmer were looking towards each other and gave themselves gentle smiles. I didn't notice until we were halfway down and looked down at them both. I couldn't work it out, but if I could understand babies, then I would've guessed that they were becoming friends.
"Twilight!" Flash called from the living room, prompting us both to run and check out what was happening.
As it turns out, Pumpkin Cake was being even less hospitable than Pound was. Not only was she seen making a mess of the coffee table, but she was being attacked from all sides. Adagio and Starlight were throwing their toys at her in an attempt to knock her off while Trixie and Moondancer were crying in Flash's grip. And this is why you've gotta keep your babies in your sight at all times, ladies and gentlemen. If you don't, then this'll happen to you and your kids.
"Adagio! Starlight!" I ran over towards the children and gave Sunset back to Flash while Pinkie dropped Pound off next to her. I scooped my other children up and held them close to my chest as I watched them babble what could be considered 'Baby Insults' at Pumpkin Cake, shaking their little hands at her. "Girls! Calm down!"
But Adagio and Starlight just pushed their hands against my belly and slid down my legs like firefighter poles and crawled towards the coffee table, pulling themselves back up. They were about to crawl all over Pumpkin and punch her face, but I was able to pick them back up and hold them well away from the little visitor.
"Bad, bad, bad babies!" I carried both of them away and stuffed them into high chairs so that they wouldn't go off and try to hurt Pumpkin again. I looked into their little eyes with fire and wagged my finger at them both. "That's not the way we act to visitors! Especially your auntie's children! If you're going to grow up to make your own legacies, then you need to learn a few manners."
I guess that I shot myself in the foot with that line, as when I had finished it, both of them started to cry as loudly as they could, adding to Trixie and Moondancer's wails. Feeling my anger quelled almost instantly, I picked them both up again, but now they were frantically flailing to try and get out as they pounded their hands against my face and shoulders.
"No, no, no, no, no! My calm day's been ruined!" I cried as I dashed back upstairs to get the rest of the pacifiers to try and calm all of the children down. "Why of all days did it have to happen today?!"
I didn't even have a moment to spare, causing me to almost trip as I made it to the top of the stairs. Even after my fumble, both of my children were still mauling me as best as infants could as I grabbed both of their pacifiers and stuck them in their mouths. At least that was one of the only solaces that I could take from the day; that even when my babies are out of control, there's still an easy way to stop their wails. To make sure that I was prepared for everything, I took Trixie and Moondancer's pacifiers with me as well before charging out of the room.
As I came down the stairs, though, I found a rather odd sight. I was expected to come back to see the situation either worse or the same as before, but I saw the other babies all sitting together in front of the television, watching some cartoons together. Pinkie Pie was holding the remote and playing with them at the same time. I still can't put my finger on how she did it, though. Usually, my kids don't stop crying that easily unless their pacifiers are in their mouths.
"Hey, Twilight!" Pinkie waved from the TV with a wide smile on her mouth. "Told you everything'd work out in the end!" She somersaulted over the babies and sprung up to me, waggling her hips like she had a tail.
"Pinkie... I-I-I, wha? How did you—" I was just at a loss for words at everything around me. My kids were behaving, laughing at what was on-screen, playing together with each other. And all in just under fifteen seconds.
"Twilight. The first rule of handling babies is that they love fun." Pinkie raised her finger. "If you make it so that the babies have nothing but fun, then they won't ever feel saddy-waddy and make your lives miserable. Happiness is the best cure for sadness, as I always say."
"I know that. But how were you able to get them to stop crying?" I asked, leaning in close towards the children. "My kids don't usually stop crying that easily without their pacifiers. How you were able to get them to stop is just beyond me..."
"Silly Twilight. Babies only have fun if you're having fun making them have fun. That's a bit of a tongue twister, isn't it?" Pinkie laughed and picked up Sunset and Adagio, giving them big raspberries, making them erupt with laughter. "See? Put your back into making the biggest, fartiest, loudest raspberries you can on their bellies, and babies almost stop crying altogether. That, and you've just gotta have a big goofy smile like this!" She pulled a silly face and stuck her tongue out, making the two of them laugh even more.
"You've gotta hand it to Pinkie Pie. She's spend years working with kids." Flash smiled as he leaned back and watched the babies drool at the TV, with their minds solely focused on the nonsensical shenanigans that the cartoon characters were getting up to. "Between her and Fluttershy, I'm wouldn't be surprised if they could handle a hundred babies."
"Still, though, I can't believe that you handled all of this." I stepped forward and let Adagio and Starlight join the others in front of the TV. "That's... well, I don't even know how to explain it!"
"Amazing? Super-duper? A miracle when you needed it?" Pinkie listed them off using her fingers. "Go ahead. You can use any of those words. Or more, if you decide that you don't like 'em. I've also got incredible, wonderful, a relief, thank god that that's over, I'm glad to have you as a friend, Pinkie Pie, or even congrats, dude. Take your pick!"
"I think that thanks is all that I need." I gave Pinkie a small hug and sat down with the seven babies. I gave them all a massive hug, but they didn't seem to react as they were too busy with what was going on on the television.
Sure, I mentioned that it was hell, but even hell has its' sweet points. If I didn't have Pinkie, then it would've been one of those days . And let me be clear. I don't want one of those days anymore. Five babies is a great thing because of all the possibilities, but I wouldn't want my life to become miserable because of it. So, in the end, I really have to be grateful that I'm friends with Pinkie. Her expertise in handling infants was just what I needed on a day like this.
But... let's just say that the stuff after that wasn't so pleasant.
Pound! Pumpkin! Stop hurting Adagio-wagio! She didn't do anything wrong to you!
Pinkie! Get them off! They didn't do anything wrong!
I know, Twilight! I know! I don't know what came over them. There was something about a teddy bear or something and then they both snapped when Adagio took it off of them both!
Flash! Can't you help me with this?!
Twilight, I wish that I could, but I've gotta stop Moondancer and Sunset from breaking into the cleaning spray cupboard! Now, c'mon, you two! Don't you want to play with dad for a bit?
Ugh... Just fucking beam me up. Well. At least Trixie and Starlight are behaving. Ugh. And just as I say that, they poop themselves. That's just fan-fucking-tastic...
Babies In The Park Part 1
Alright. This next entry's a little bit different. Now, I assume that you've all heard of Canterlot Park, right? A nice little place where people can sit down, kick their feet up, play with their families, smell flowers, and do all kinds of stuff outdoors. Me and Flash decided that we shouldn't just let the babies stay cooped up in the house all the time, so we packed some supplies into a stroller, loaded the kids up, and went off for a nice little walk around the park.
"Ah... Now this is a great sight, isn't it?" I looked around and drank in all the sights as sunlight poured down onto my face. "Fresh air, clear skies, plenty of open space. It's a great place for the kids to play, don't you think, Flash?"
"Yeah. I just hope the kids don't make a mess of it." Flash bent over the stroller and tickled Adagio and Starlight's chins, causing the two babies to laugh and wave their tiny arms around. "The last thing we need is the kids getting into trouble."
"Flash, they're not going anywhere." I patted the seatbelts around their tiny bodies just to make sure. "This is some high-quality stuff. The kids aren't going to be able to get out unless we let them out. Nothing to worry about." I leaned over the stroller and started to make silly faces at the babies, in some attempt to hopefully keep them happy. "Isn't that right, girls? Mama's gonna keep you safe and secure in this little stroller. Yes, she is. Yes, she is." I must admit, seeing the babies all giggle at me always warms my heart.
"Twilight, I've gotta say that you look pretty adorable when you do that." Flash jabbed a finger playfully at me.
"Oh, Flash. It's nothing, really," I said. "Just want to make sure that the babies all know that they've got a great mom and dad looking after them."
For most of the walk, the babies were all making incoherent gibberish as they pointed at everything they could see, often giggling at things for the strangest of reasons, or cooing softly as infants usually would when they're calm and content. Nothing really out of the ordinary here, but I thought it would be nice to have a moment in these stories where my kids aren't completely hopped up on funtime to be considered little monsters. Just wanted to leave that in. Now, back to your regularly scheduled "Twilight Sparkle Struggles With Motherhood" documentary.
Eventually, me, Flash, and the babies all found a lovely spot to sit down and soak up some sunshine. So, we pulled out a large checkered blanket from the back of the stroller, unfurled it, and sat down. Then, we took the children out, one by one, so that they wouldn't all just scramble off if we freed them all at the same time. As we sat them all down, the kids all touched the blanket and let out some tiny squeals, as if they were back on their cribs.
Sunset and Adagio were dressed up in bright yellow and pink skirts, with little hats to shield their eyes from the sunlight, Starlight was wearing a bright purple onesie with stars on it, and Trixie and Moondancer were wearing their regular baby clothes. We would've dressed them up too, but let's just say that they were against that idea.
Out of the babies, having to choose a favourite was a bit of a hard task, because all of them are so cute. Well... most of the time, that is. I wanted to choose all of them, but I didn't think that it would mean anything, as pretty much all of them were as lovable and forgivable as babies usually are. But I suppose if I had to choose one I loved the most, it would have to be Sunset Shimmer. I have high hopes for her and all of the others, but I'm hoping that she succeeds the most of all.
Speaking of success, Flash tapped my shoulder and pulled my attention away from the babies for just a quick moment. "Twilight? Have you thought about where you want to send the kids once they're old enough for school?" he asked. "I know, I know. It's early days, but that doesn't mean we can't plan ahead, right? Didn't you always say that it's better to have a plan without even needing it?"
"I know I said that, Flash, but for goddess's sake, they're only a month old," I retorted, looking down at the babies. "They barely know how to walk, talk, or think about these sort of things. It's best to save those thoughts until they're two or three years old."
"I just think it's better to be prepared is all." He shrugged at me. "You never know how fast these girls are gonna grow up." He stroked Adagio and Trixie's heads. "Sooner or later, you're gonna have to start thinking about their future, Twilight. They're not gonna be babies forever, you know."
"I know, I know. But you see, this is the easy part." As I spoke, I had no idea that my babies had seen an ice cream stand and were crawling off towards it. I was still telling Flash my feelings that I didn't even hear them move away. "The babies are all so young, so they don't have any real wants or needs. They can just play and have fun with whatever they can find and whenever they want it. But as they get older, their minds start to get a bit more complex. They start to want things more. Some expensive, others just beyond the realms of our imagination. And don't even get me started on how they're gonna behave when they become teenagers..."
"Yeah. Five teenage daughters is gonna be like hell on earth..." Flash chuckled and kicked his feet up in the sunshine. When he saw me glaring at him, he snapped his head back towards me and had a little spasm. "Uh, I-I-I mean, not that there's anything wrong with that..."
"Flash, you're a great husband, but sometimes, I worry for you." I turned back towards the blanket and saw that the children were all gone. To call myself shocked would be an understatement, as I belted out a scream so loud that it would be worthy of the opera. "WHERE ARE THE KIDS?" I shouted.
"I don't know!" Flash began looking around for them the second I'd stopped shouting, but unfortunately for us, they had been lost in the crowd of people. "This is a nightmare!"
"Hey! Twilight!"
Before me and Flash could panic any further, a woman with rainbow-coloured hair and a bright blue jumpsuit with orange flames down the side ran up to us. It was none other than Rainbow Dash, a certified Canterlot All-Star. They're the most athletic, highly-recognised, and famous sports stars in the whole city. Next to her was a girl with pink hair and butter skin. Her name was Fluttershy, and she was part of an animal protection organisation, kinda like P.E.T.A. but much less extremist.
"We heard you screaming, so we thought we'd come and see what's wrong." Fluttershy lifted a finger. "Um, where are your babies?"
"That's what I'm screaming about, Fluttershy," I said. "The babies all just crawled off somewhere and I don't know where they've all gone!"
"Oh no!" Fluttershy gasped and put her hands to her mouth.
"Don't worry! We're on the case!" Rainbow Dash slapped both me and Flash's hands. "We'll find those babies faster than you can wipe your eyes clean!" And with that, Rainbow darted off to find the kids.
"I'll help out too." Fluttershy's sweet voice melted into our ears like butter as she helped us back onto our feet. "It's an awful thing for someone to lose their baby. But you lost five, and that's the saddest thing ever."
"Let's find them quickly." I packed everything back into the stroller and ran off with Flash and Fluttershy by my side. "The babies can get a little bit... out of control at times. Especially Sunset and Trixie. For some reason, they love me most of all, and if they can't see me, they'll begin crying as loud as they can, and I'm sure that won't be any good for the park-goers."
Now, I have no idea what my babies were getting up to after we had lost them. All that I was thinking about was getting them back home safely. Now that they were separated from their mom and dad, Adagio, Starlight, Sunset, Trixie, and Moondancer were all incredibly vulnerable to the world around them. At any given moment, disaster could strike, or someone might do something callous to them. As the thoughts roared in my head like a jet engine's whine, I clenched my hands and picked up the pace—almost moving as fast as Flash. Almost .
"Girls! Where are you?!" I called, putting my hands to my mouth. "You're not safe without mama and dada! Come back!"
Before I was about to give up, I saw Adagio and Starlight both climbing up towards a cotton candy machine. My mind was abuzz with relief, shock, and intrigue. Relief that two of the babies were alright, shock that they were climbing up into a cotton candy machine, and intrigue as to how they were doing it, given their tiny statures. But I quickly snapped out of that and ran over to the machine, just as the babies tumbled in and got themselves coated in cotton candy. Somehow, the laughter I heard out of them didn't sound that cute.
"Adagio! Starlight!" I started to clean the girls up, picking large amounts of cotton candy from their skin. But before I could complete my job, there was a stall owner looking at me a little disgruntled. "Oh. I'm sorry, sir. I didn't mean for them to cause any trouble." And I handed him some money just to be safe.
"Alright," he said. "I'll let you off this one time. But next time, make sure you keep them under control."
"Will do, sir," Flash said before we moved on.
After cleaning the two babies up, I put them back into the stroller and made sure that they were both properly secured before moving on. We wouldn't want to have another escaping act now, would we? One's enough for the day.
I was just about to keep up the search when I suddenly saw Sunset playing with Pinkie Pie and the Cake Twins at the nearby park. Now that was some good news. Not because of the fact that Sunset wasn't in someone else's grubby hands, but because of the fact that she was with another one of my friends. Now, I know that sounds coincidental and all, but you haven't heard what I had to go through to get Trixie and Moondancer back, let me tell you.
"Pinkie! Thank goddess!" I came up to her with sweat dripping down my face. "I thought for sure that the babies were long gone by now."
"Nope!" Pinkie gave me one of her sickeningly cute schoolgirl smiles. "Sunset was a good little girl for us. She didn't poop or cry or anything like that once Pound and Pumpkin got to playing with her." She looked down at the infants, who were all looking down at the grass and plucking it, blade by blade with their miniscule hands. "Aww... They wanna learn how to mow lawns in the future. Isn't that precious?"
"Pinkie, this is a crisis!" I hastily scooped Sunset back up and set her with Adagio and Starlight, who were still picking off some of the cotton candy that I had missed. "Have you seen Moondancer and Trixie anywhere? They ran off while I was talking to Flash and I think that they might've gotten run over, or fell into the lake, or maybe even—"
"Twilight. Chillax." Pinkie slapped my mouth shut and silenced me. "Trixie and Moondancer aren't gonna go anywhere anytime soon. Babies can't crawl that fast. For all we know, they're probably in someone else's hands by now, and they might decide to take them away to social services or to the police stat—"
"PINKIE." I shot death glares at her as I returned her mouth slap gesture. "NO . DON'T. EVEN. GO. THERE." I could hear her mumbling something, presumably saying OK or something like that.
"Um, Twilight?" Fluttershy tapped my shoulder, as if she had seen something.
"Not now, Fluttershy. I'm trying to give Pinkie a scolding." I was so oblivious back then. I was consumed by anger, frustration, stress, whatever the fuck you wanna call it, but I was still pretty peeved with Pinkie for bringing up social services and the police. "Now then, you KNOW that if the babies get taken away, that'll make me look like a really shitty parent, and I'll lose everyone's respect, Flash and I could divorce, and—"
"TWILIGHT!" Rainbow Dash came running over to me, snapping me out of my little tirade. "It's an emergency!"
"What is it, Rainbow Dash?" I asked, getting back onto my feet.
"Alright. There's good news and bad news to this. I'll just tell you them both now to save you the trouble." She took a deep breath and blew the air out of her nose. "The good news is that I found Trixie and Moondancer. They're over by the lake."
"And the bad news is that they've fallen in?!" I guessed, then sped off without even getting the answer. "I'M COMING, GIRLS!" In my haste, I'd completely left Flash, Fluttershy, and the rest of the gang with the stroller and everything else.
When I made it to the lake, I checked every inch of the water to see if the babies were treading water or miraculously floating on it. But, much to my relief and dismay, the babies weren't in the water or anywhere near it. I thought for sure that someone might have fished them out and that they were going to report the missing babies and ruin my parental life because of the social services issue a moment back, but instead, I saw something else entirely.
By the swan boat ticket office, I saw both Trixie and Moondancer crawl underneath the ticket booth and turnstile, inching farther down the pier towards the boats. And that was all the proof I needed. Doing something incredibly bold—and or stupid, depending on what you might think—I jumped into the lake and began swimming all the way towards the boards to try and catch both of them before they tumbled in and met a watery demise.
"Trixie! Moondancer!" I called, fighting back the water sloshing into my mouth as I swam graciously—or as well as I could, given the fact that I was wearing clothes and shoes—towards the pier. "Mama's coming! Just hold still for two seconds!"
And just as I was about to get onto the pier and get the babies back, I saw that they were reaching towards one of the swan boat's necks, apparently taken with how pretty they thought it looked. I was literally inches away from picking them both up when they crawled over the edge and landed butt-first into the boat, letting out a little giggle as they saw the pedals. I hoisted myself onto the pier, dripping water from my hair to my toes, and was about to take the babies out of the boat, but they were both playing with the pedals and were moving the boat out of the docks and away from my grasp. That moment I fell back into the lake, had to have been one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. I was being outplayed by babies. Fucking babies of all things!
"Oh, girls..." I grimaced. "Why do you have to make this so difficult for me?"
And just as I was about to swim off and get them, I saw that someone dressed up in a park uniform had followed me and came up to me with a rather unamused look on his face. I might as well have just swam underwater and let out a scream, as I knew that this day had gone from shit to unbearable...
Babies in the Park Part 2
Okay. Now, I'm not normally one who likes to bring up my own accomplishments, but I was a valedictorian back at school, I majored in physics and chemistry, and I got practically every science commendation under the sun. Today, I was being told off by someone for jumping into the lake to save my own children. How the mighty have fallen, huh?
Alright, that might not have been the best way to start this part of my life off, but basically, after today, I think it's safe to say that we shouldn't take the kids out anymore. At least not until they're older, that is.
I won't go into much detail about how much of an earful that the guy gave me, but basically, he was very upset with me. He said the usual stuff like "What were you thinking?" and "Are you out of your mind?" He said a lot more, but that was the general gist of it. He didn't like me jumping into the water to save my babies.
And I get it, he's just doing his job. He's not doing it just to hinder me or make my life even worse, but goddess, was his complaining endless. Half of the time, I just wanted to scream loudly to the whole park and say, "Two of my babies are out on that lake and nobody is going to save them!" But I didn't, because while my kids are still my kids, I didn't want to make the situation any worse than it already was.
So. After all of that happened, someone managed to take notice of Trixie and Moondancer out on the water, making it seem like one of the boats was haunted, and in seconds, everyone's eyes were on them; even the guy who was telling me off for trying to swim after them. Disregarding the shock and horror, someone was immediately out onto the boats and went after the both of them.
Now, usually, stuff like this would make me seem like a pariah, y'know, the news reports would say how "Oh, this woman did a bad thing because she let her babies get out of her sight and hijack an empty paddleboat in the park lake" and all that stuff. And, yeah, I did have some questions asked about it, when Flash came over and everyone saw I was a mother of five very rambunctious kids, everyone kinda went soft on me. They saw just how hard of a time that I had and decided to just let it be and have that be the end of it.
"I'm sorry about all this," said Flash as we headed back to where we'd been sitting earlier.
"Flash, it's not your fault. I was the one who let them get out of hand like this. If anything, I should be taking the blame for all of this," I didn't want him to have to feel guilty for something that I'd done. "Let's just get them back, lock them into the strollers, and see where we go from there, alright?"
"Twilight, are you sure that's what they would want?" Flash asked, looking down at Sunset and Adagio, who bobbed gently in his hands. "After all, you can't help who they are. They're just babies; young, free, imaginative, all kinds of things. But most of all, they're unpredictable."
"That's kinda one of the drawbacks of raising them too." I looked down and rocked Trixie and Moondancer gently, not wanting to deal with anymore BS today. But no matter how much I try to disguise it, I know that they're not gonna be able to stay still all the time. "But yeah. We definitely need to keep a tighter grip on the babies. Otherwise, who knows what hijinks they could get themselves into?" Honestly, not the kind I would want any part of, knowing kids these days.
Eventually, we made it back to the checkered blanket and set all of the babies back down. They coo and try to speak, the usual goos and gahs out of them, instead of any real words. But this time, me and Flash were completely committed to them and them alone. So much so that we'd lost all our other conversation topics. They just went straight out the window in favour of our five little angels. Though they might be devils in disguise if you don't keep an eye on them.
Adagio and Sunset spent the most time with each other out of all the babies. They played mostly with each other instead of with us, drooling around a lot and toddling around. Sometimes, the grass would get their attention and they'd try to rip it up. Honestly, just as long as they keep to themselves and don't end up ripping up all the grass in the garden, it's fine for them to play with it. It's only when they try to eat the stuff does Flash come along and make them spit it back out again.
Now, Trixie and Starlight were kinda the same when it came to playing. More often than not, they were only enjoying the stuff we did when they were both together. When Flash and I would trade them for the other babies in our group, they would feel really down and whimper while reaching out for the other. Could this have been their first sign of friendship? If it was, then that would've been incredible. But as someone who used to believe in friendship myself, it takes a lot more than just wanting to be with each other to keep on going. It takes trust, devotion, mistakes, and a lot of other things to make and maintain a friendship. And plus, they're babies. And sisters. That's already got them some bonus points; they don't need to make a friendship when their related by blood. Do they?
As for Moondancer, she was a bit of a special case. Whenever we did anything, and I mean ANYTHING at all in the park, she would only really listen if I was the one doing it with her. Call it a kind of link, or the fact that I was her mother and all, but she just did not want anything to do with stuff if I wasn't around to give her a hand and a push in the right direction. Even as we play, only I was ever able to make her smile. I don't know the real schematics on that, but kids are kids, so if it's not broke, then don't fix it.
But honestly, with me and Flash keeping a watchful eye on the babies, there wasn't anything really eventful that happened after that. Me and Flash just continued to keep the kids safe and protected while they played around. Games like pattycake and "let's see who can rip up the most grass before mama and dada picks us up to do something else." Y'know, the usual games babies play in a grassy city park. Or at least, I think that's what they play? It's not a strong point to make, I know, but I'm a hyper-intelligent valedictorian woman with five babies and a guitar-playing husband so... yeah. The only really bad things after that were the diaper changes. Trust me, ever tried to change a diaper in the middle of a park with people all around you? Not. Even. Once, ladies and gentlemen.
Well, if it wasn't for the fact that there was literally nowhere to change them, the fact that I was carrying soiled diapers to the nearest trash bins would have been another humiliating thing. That, and they smell worse than a skunk drenched in garbage and coated in some of the worst-smelling cheeses known to man! But since we had no tables to work with and no bins that could be closed up, there I was, doing diaper trash duty while Flash powdered them up and set them in new ones.
Still, if this is how the parents of babies always have it, then I guess I can understand the pain they go through now.
"Hey, Twilight," came a voice. And who did it belong to, you might ask? Only Applejack. Her orange skin and blonde hair were very distinguishable, even in the scorching and blinding light of the sun. "How's your day been?"
"Oh, nothing really special, Applejack." I said, waving weakly at her. "Only the fact that I had to dive into the lake and get yelled at by someone just because Trixie and Moondancer took control of a boat and sailed it out into the middle of it. Other than that, my day's been the most hunky-dory it could've ever been."
"It's alright, Twilight. I know how hard it can be raisin' kids; 'specially if ya got five on yer hands." Applejack could see through the bullshit much better than any of us could. Even back as high-school students, she was always the most level-headed one of us. "Heck, I once knew an Apple in the Apple Family that had their hands full with seventeen kids once. 'course, that was when I was a little girl myself, so I don't know how she must've handled all of them, but if ya need a helping hand with anything, I'm always just a call away."
"Thanks, Applejack, but I think that I can handle things just fine." I nodded, giving her a small handshake. "As much of a handful Trixie, Moondancer, Adagio, Sunset, and Starlight are, me and Flash can handle them just fine as we are."
"No, I don't really see it, Twilight." Applejack folded her arms. She knew that I was in need of help, and whether or not I liked it, she would give it to me, no matter how much yelling and ranting I gave her. "You think you sound good enough, but the tone's lying to ya. You're not taking it easy, and the babies are causing you chaos. That, and you need my help, not want it."
"Applejack, just promise me that you won't take charge like you always do whenever I say that I need help like you always do. Remember that time when we were performing our final play at Canterlot High?" I said. No matter how good the reviews were, that doesn't mean that they really filled in on what really happened.
"I sure do. Definitely not one of my better moments." She shook her head and pulled the tip of her hat down slightly before walking past me and going straight for Flash and the others, leaving me to dump the last diaper and return to him too. "But that's all in the past, Twilight. And this time, you ain't working with a bunch of finals students. You're working with your good friend."
"True, but there were many more I could work with. Here, there's just the three of us caring for five babies. Some of which can get REALLY twitchy and erratic at times." I rubbed the back of my head, concerned for Applejack's wellbeing. She might've seen babies before, but I don't remember the last time she looked after one; let alone five.
"Well, that's only natural. They're babies. And babies ain't like regular kids." Applejack just gave me a smile as she rolled up her sleeves and took a seat by Flash, reaching over for Trixie and Starlight, pulling them onto her knees. "Hi there, Trixie, Moondancer. Aunt Applejack's here. And you're gonna have a real hootenanny."
Trixie and Moondancer just stared up at her blankly, small little trickles of drool hanging off of their mouths as they reached up for her face and played around with it. Squashing her cheeks and rubbing her face vigoriously, making a bunch of faces with them. Both of them were lost in their little game, and neither of them wanted to do anything else to Applejack other than that. That just made her laugh as she brought the both of them closer to her face to do it some more.
Y'know, I never understand babies at times. And for very good reason. Sometimes, they can be controlled with toys, food, drink, or changes. That kind of stuff just clicks with them, but when it comes to my kids, I can never really understand what they like and don't like; especially when others are around. Like, the babies never wanted to play with me or Flash when we were with them in their nursery, but as soon as Applejack comes along, both Trixie and Starlight wanted to mess around with her. Just like that. Nothing in return, no winces or crawling away, they were just attracted to her like a magnet. Maybe I might need to do some experiments on the babies. See what attracts them to others as opposed to me and Flash. No, what am I saying? I shouldn't do that to them when they're this young. They've got so much more to do instead.
"So, how've the kids been?" Applejack asked as Trixie and Starlight finished playing their game and scrambled back to Flash's side, prompting Adagio and Sunset over to her.
"Well, they've been a bit of a handful." Flash said, before Moondancer ended up spitting on his legs. "See what I mean? They're totally out of whack."
"That didn't look too bad." Applejack folded her arms. Of course, immmediately after that, Moondancer decided to upchuck a rather nasty bit of vomit onto Flash's legs, causing him to freak out, leap up, and nearly drop her on the ground. "Okay, I take that back."
"Aww, did my little Moondancer let off some of her nasty juices?" I asked, putting on a facade of sweetness as I wiped the last bit from her mouth with the back of my thumb and flicked it away. "Well, don't worry about that. Mama's right here for you. Applejack, hand me a bottle from the bag, will you?"
"Sure thing, Twilight." Applejack reached over and dug around in the back for a bit until she pulled a bottle full of milk out. She quickly gave it to me and I gave it to Moondancer, letting her drink.
Hopefully, that would've gotten rid of the aftertaste of vomit hanging in her mouth. And for the most part, it seemed to work. She drank almost autonomously, her arm and leg movements beginning to still as she let the drink slide down her throat and into her stomach. Once it was all done, she stopped drinking and giggled, reaching up for my face. That quickly came to an end as I patted her back, making her burp loudly.
"So, tell me, Twilight. How much of a hassle can the kids get at times?" Applejack said as she patted Adagio and her poofy locks of golden hair, while stroking Sunset's red and yellow streaks of it. "I mean, I know how babies work and all, thanks to Granny Smith telling me and Applebloom how we were as little ones, but now I wanna know how it's been for you and Flash to raise these five little wonders."
"Well, Applejack, I could tell you, but it's a bit of a long story." I said. And trust me, this is where it's gonna get a bit strange. I mean, a story within a story? How many people do you know who do that? "That, and it goes back to a few weeks ago, when we first settled them into the nursery back home."
"Twilight, I don't care exactly how long the tale is, just as long as you tell me everything, without skipping over any of the details." She folded her arms, her stubbornness and adamant stance on full display as she looked deep into my eyes. "And please, Twilight. Don't be squeamish. It's okay to tell me everything. And I do mean EVERYTHING. "
Trust me. You are not ready for this part of the story. I've seen my fair share of stressful things in my life, but I tell you, none of them are as stressful as what you're about to see. What I'm about to tell you might just put you off of getting kids for, well, a pretty long time. So, you've been warned, in case you get the idea of complaining to me. Flash and I say that it's not that hard to raise kids, but there are five kids in our family, and all of them are pretty insane at times.
So, where were we in the story? Applejack had just decided to sit down with me and ask just how tough it was to handle my own five kids. Y'know, Sunset, Trixie, Adagio, Starlight, and Moondancer. The easy part is trying to tell the story. The hard part is having to think back on it. That's what I was always told by mom and dad. And let me tell you, thinking back on babies doing baby things? There's some things that even the devil himself would shiver at.
I'll give you one of the more basic stories to start with, alright? It was just a few weeks ago when Flash was going out shopping. The usual stuff. Groceries, baby supplies, possibly some pills for the headache I was about to have, I dunno. I don't tend to keep track of all the little details; especially not with five little terrors in my life. But still, he trusted me with looking after the house and kids while he was gone. And me, being the mother of this whole ordeal, had to accept.
I had managed to get the babies all together in their little playroom/the only room in the house where they're even remotely behaving themselves and let them have some time together so I could see Flash off. I gave him a hug, a little peck on the cheek, and watched him go on his way. The SECOND his car left the driveway, things started to kick off, as the moans started echoing from the top floor. My mom mode immediately turned on and I bolted up the stairs so fast, you might as well have put me down for the Olympics.
What I saw in there was not a pleasant sight.
First of all, babies are babies, so you can't expect them to play the same way that you think most kids do. To start with, Starlight had been playing with blocks. Notice how I said 'had' there? Well, turns out, she was now trying to eat the blocks whole. They were much too big for her, but that didn't stop her from opening her mouth wide and stuffing them in there like she was diagnosed with pica or some shit. Drool was tumbling out of her mouth and it splattered all over the floor where she was trying to eat the blocks.
Then, we come to Adagio and Trixie. The two of them were both holding a giant, pink rubber ball, and violently pulling and tugging at it to keep it for themselves. Both of them yelling what I could only assume to be baby versions of all the swear words we've come to know and love as grown-ups. They pulled so hard that the ball eventually slipped out of both of their hands and their backs and heads hit the floor hard; to which they started to cry loudly about it.
Moondancer wasn't exempt from the worries either. She had been put in the playpen for her own safety, but she had somehow managed to learn how to climb with her tiny little baby body and she was trying to escape; to break out of the pen that kept her hostage, like a prisoner of a baby war. Either way, she was getting closer and closer to the top and it looked like she was about to get out, fall over, and fall down over the other side.
And then there's Sunset. While all of this chaos was going on, all of these babies whined, moaned, and tried to cause my life a living hell, Sunset was... actually, she was pretty well-behaved. She had been reading a book in the corner and cooing gently to herself while doing it. I breathed a miniscule sigh of relief when I looked at Sunset, but I couldn't say the same about all of the others. It was time for me to do what I do best—or worst, if you wanna be that pedantic about how I raise, care for, and protect my kids in comparison to yours, maybe.
First things first, Moondancer. I wasn't about to let her tumble over the side and turn her into a baby pancake. I had to run over there as fast as I could. In fact, I ran so fast that I completely didn't notice the other toys the babies had left out and I ended up stumbling over a mini ball pit, crushing a little plushie monkey underneath my unbalanced feet and landed on my face in front of the playpen that Moondancer was climbing out of. And only then did I feel Moondancer herself land on my back, followed by the little, high-pitched giggles that came out of her mouth.
"Moondancer! Why are you trying to climb out of the playpen?" I asked, probably hoping to get some kind of response out of her. God, what a stupid idiot I am, right? Who'd ever expect a normal, unassuming, barely-months-old baby to talk properly? All that I got out of her mouth was more baby nonsense that I swear getting a major in linguistics would be easier than trying to make out what in the nine hells she was saying.
Then, her cheeks puffed up and she spat all over me, making my face scrunch up. She just laughed at my misery as I just wiped my face clean and dropped her back in the playpen. "You stay there, alright?" I had to wrap her up tight in a little blanket cocoon so that she wouldn't escape. Like, y'know, the little cocoons that most people wrap their babies in? Those ones? It wouldn't surprise me if you hadn't heard of the technique before...
Anyway. One baby was taken care of. Now it was time for the other most pressing matter. Since Starlight was still taking ages to get through eating one of the blocks and doubtful that she was going to finish, I went to see how Adagio and Trixie were. As you could imagine, the two of them were thrashing around, crying and wailing like they'd broken all of the bones in their body. Actually, that's way too morbid of a description and I'm sorry about it. I was just so broken at the time, could you blame me for having such a dark cloud in my head?
Back to the matter at hand. One crying Adagio and one crying Trixie; both of which had been fighting over a pink ball. Very quickly, I took both babies up, sat my ass down, and gently started to rock them back to normal. And while that didn't stop them from crying, it did manage to calm them down a little bit. Though, for them, calming down wasn't exactly stopping the waterworks. No, their version of calming down was still to cry as loud as they could, but just stop kicking and slapping like I'm trying to hurt them or anything like that. As for the crying part? Well, no matter how much I rocked them and sang for them, the two girls would not. Stop. Crying. Seriously, if you asked me what noise I wanted to hear more in terms of babies crying or a jet engine firing right in my ears? I'd take the jet engine. Every time. At least jet engines are easier to control than these little monsters...
"Look, what if I give both of you a ball? Would that make you happy?" I tried to bargain with them, but then again, what do you expect babies to say other than 'goo goo', 'gah gah', or some other random nonsense? I just took their prolonged crying as a yes and started to look around the nursery for some more toys for them so that it'd shut the two of them up. First thing that came to mind? Balls. And not the kind of balls in the ball pit that I had so stupidly tripped over. No, I'm talking about the balls that are as big as their chests; the ones that are soft and squishy.
Sure enough, I did end up finding some balls like that over by the corner. They were different colours; one being sea-foam green and the other being orange and yellow. I know, it's kinda close to their colours, but that's not the important part here. What mattered is that they were balls, babies were going to be playing with them, and then they would stop crying and causing my ears to bleed. I decided to walk over as best as I could and try not to go too fast this time.
But I'll tell you this right now, the sound of babies crying? It makes it really hard for someone to concentrate. Like, let's say that you've got a really big assignment coming up or you're walking a tightrope in a stage show. The absolute last thing that you want in a situation like that is for some snotty, undeveloped, unpredictable infants to start crying their eyes out and shattering the silence that you need. And when I'm trying to walk my way through this minefield of baby toys and other crap, it's not that easy to do when I've got the ear-piercing wails of Adagio and Trixie accompanying me the whole way.
Still, through some miracle of science and tolerance, I was able to make it to the other end of the room and pick up the balls that they wanted. And that was when I realised that I had to go backwards and do the whole thing all over again! Gah! Ugh, still, if you wanted to see my story, I figured that I might as well leave all of the important bits in. That way, you can properly understand my pain when it comes to raising such little devils like these five. Balls were got, and now, I was making my way back over to the crying Adagio and Trixie, hoping that these balls would calm them down for real and stop them from crying even more than they already had.
And that is the moment that I got too complacent; the moment that I made my biggest mistake that day. See, because I had to go back through the toys I had just treaded and tiptoed around, going straight back to it and also seeing the crying babies in question, as well as Starlight who was still trying to see if she could eat building blocks with her miniscule mouth and lack of teeth, let's just say that I wanted this stuff to be over and done with as fast as humanly possibly. So I sped up for a brief moment, my foot touched a little building block shaped like a cylinder, I fell over, my face slamming against the floor by the two babies' feet, and the balls bounced off of their heads. And though those little balls are soft and squishy, if you were a baby, they'd be as hard as bowling balls.
So, with two rubber balls acting like bowling balls hitting Adagio and Trixie's heads, they, of course, stopped for a second or two, and then, guess what? They started to cry and shake around even more. Now, their cries were even higher-pitched and I swear that you could have used them to shatter glass. So many tears, so much body movement, it was as if I'd made a horrid mistake at some point in my life and now these babies were being used as fate's cruel way of punishing me! To which I will promptly say, 'fuck you, fate. You're not the boss of me.'
So, they cried and cried and cried. Clearly, rubber balls weren't the best toys to get them when there is literally a mess of toys all over the place. And since they were just going to keep on crying, I painstakingly threw myself on the floor, wriggled forward like some caterpillar, and ended up hugging the two of them myself, crying a little bit myself as their tears echoed and sliced up my eardrums. I had to cuddle the two of them and cry myself until they finally managed to cry themselves so much that they wore themselves out and fell asleep.
That little charade FINALLY OVER , I went to check on Starlight. I was convinced that she had managed to eat up one of the blocks during that whole ordeal. But, fortunately, she was still eating. It was as if she had become fixated on the blocks, as now, she couldn't stop trying to eat them. And all the while, the only things that came out of her mouth were the slime of her drool and the random, almost hypnotised coos of Starlight as she tried to eat. If it were anything other than building blocks and if she was doing anything other than trying to eat them, it would have been adorable. But no, she was willingly trying to eat them for whatever other reason than, 'I'm a baby. Babies don't know how to eat things when mommy and daddy don't spell it out for them'.
I left both Adagio and Trixie to sleep upset and check on Starlight, while also effortlessly removing the block from her mouth; which was now completely drenched in her gooey drool. I had to physically hold myself back from gagging over feeling the ooze-soaked block and keep myself frmo saying profanities as I looked around for something to clean it up. So, I went to the changing table and looked in the drawers for some wipes. Thankfully, I'd memorized where everything was a few days into buying this thing, so I'd at least got that down pat. The things you learn when you're preparing for/raising babies, I swear...
Anyways, building block clean-up. Not the hardest job in the whole baby-raising detail, not by a wide margin. But it still took some time, given how much Starlight had drooled and lathered the block with her saliva. Once I cleaned it up, I took it back to Starlight to cry and clean up the floor, only to see that she had stuffed another block into her mouth and was doing it all over again, making those same zombie-like coos that make me seriously believe that my baby is being mind-controlled by some dim-witted asshole that just wants to fuck with my life!
"I seriously don't wanna have to deal with drool clean-up today..." I scoffed to myself and went to pick up something that I knew would do the trick. Something else for Starlight to suck on. There was a pink and magenta pacifier nearby; something that Starlight had always loved since the day she was born, which, fair enough, isn't exactly too long, but the point is, she is a baby. Babies love pacifiers. You do the math. I yanked out the second block she was suckling on as fast as I could and jammed the pacifier in her mouth as quickly as I had freed the block. A little bait and switch. Now, Starlight was still making those noises that she was making, but now, she was sucking on something that was meant to be sucked on , and not just something that just goes in her mouth because she wants to suck on it.
"Right... Now that all of that's been taken care of, maybe I can get some peace around here..." I said, eyes twitching as I picked up Starlight, who was still suckling on the pacifier and laid her down in one of the nearby cribs. I'm sure that she didn't mind back then, given that she's just a baby who doesn't really want many things in life. As long as she was suckling on that pacifier, she didn't care whether I put her in a crib or anywhere in the world for that matter. "Now then. Let's see what the actual well-behaved little one is doing, shall we?" I said, then walked my way over to tiny little Sunset and her book.
Now, when it comes to babies, they're met with mixed feelings. Some people really, really, REALLY love babies and everything they do; no matter how much of a hassle they can be for people. The other half of people? Well, let's just say that the noises of crying babies is something that they don't wanna hear; no matter what else happens in their lives. But the one thing that we can all agree on—and I think I'm right in saying this—is that the best behaved babies are the quiet babies; the ones who just play around and don't make too much of a fuss. And for me, Sunset Shimmer is one of those babies. Most of the time, at least.
So, I sat down with Sunset for a while. I didn't say anything as she was deep into her little book. It was just a simple alphabet book with giant letters and little doodles to show off things that start with that letter. Y'know, the letter A has apples and ants on it while the letter B has bananas and bees, that sorta thing. But the thing that Sunset was doing while reading this book was talking; or at least, trying to talk. She was slapping her teeny little hands against the letters to try and say them properly, but she couldn't do it at all. Again. She's a baby. Babies can't talk, period. All they make is funny noises and try to act like they can talk. Not that it bothered her, though. Sunset just loved to read that story.
Then, she looked up and saw me looking down at her. She pulled herself from the book without hesitation and reached up for my face with her chubby little hands, making all kinds of noises as she beckoned me to pick her up. And once I did pick her up, she made a happy whine as I brought her to my lap and she cuddled against my belly, making even more baby gibberish as she and I looked into each other's eyes.
"Hi, Sunny-Wunny. Enjoying your book?" I asked. For once, I thought like I was going to have a normal conversation with my child. I heard her as she made more happy baby noises at me, reaching up for my face. I just picked Sunset up and let her cuddle my face. "Aww... isn't that sweet?" From there, I decided to let Sunset play with my face for a little bit because, well, she's well-behaved, so I can afford her some luxuries like that.
And then, as if everything else hadn't been bad enough, the worst thing happened to me. Sunset Shimmer pooped her diaper. And believe me, when a baby poops themselves, that's when all of the gloves come off. Immediately, the smell hit our noses, and the warmth in Sunset's diaper immediately made the smile melt away. She whimpered for a few seconds, then moaned, and then as loud as she could, Sunset Shimmer started to scream in ways that only a baby could. The kind of baby scream that didn't just hurt my ears, but everyone else's ears as well.
All together, as if they were all part of some symphony orchestra that was horribly out of practice and probably the lowest rated in all of the human race, the babies started wailing. All five of my own children, it didn't matter where they were, what they were doing, or whether they were laying down in their playpens or cribs or whatever, they were all crying, and all five of them needed to be calmed down. And, as I'm sure you've all guessed by now, I'm just one person. I am just one Twilight. Mother. Fucking. Sparkle. And if you think that I can calm all five of these babies down myself when they're all bawling like that? Let's just say that I'd do it, but it'd eat a good chunk out of my sanity...
