Toying Around

“who teh fuck r u?”

“I did not ask a question only to receive another.” TheEliteVindicator turned to face the teenager’s character, waiting for an answer.

“This guy’s bullying me!” The teen whined.

A soft sigh could be heard from the Vindicator. “I see, I see.” He looked at Chief. “I respectfully ask that you stop tormenting this child.”

“holy shit its dicktionary man!” Chief’s avatar jumped up repeatedly.

“I’m taking that as a no then?” The Vindicator asked.

“darn rite son no 1 tells me wat to do mothafucka”

“So be it.” And with that, he brought out his Energy Sword and suddenly lunged at Chief, slicing the blade into the SPARTAN’s armor. Chief could only watch helplessly as he was killed.

“oh that’s some dirtee tactz rite there cocksucker cmon ill kick ur ass” Chief said as his avatar respawned.

The Vindicator scoffed quietly. “Oh I love it when they fight back. Truly, I do.” He swapped his Energy Sword for his other weapon: the aptly named Needle Rifle. An elegant yet distinctly alien weapon, most of it was purple and the barrel ended in a long silver snout. It’s ammo was up for display, pink needles poked from the top of the rifle, just waiting to be fired. If three of those punctured the flesh of any opponent, they would all explode with lethal force.

Chief had spawned under a bridge at the top of the map. He walked back and bit and headed up the nearby stairs that led to one of the walkways. As soon as he got up the stairs, he saw The Vindicator in his line of sight.

Even if he had spawned with a DMR (M392 Designated Marksman Rifle if you wanted to be accurate...and a lore junkie), a basic semi automatic rifle that did its job and did it well. It was a weapon of choice for many players.

Chief’s enemy started firing, hitting his mark. Chief tried to strafe to the left and right, firing back. It seems that The Vindicator was a far superior opponent, dodging all of Chief’s shots and landing his own. To end the fight, a purple needle went straight in the visor of Chief, killing him for the second time.

“go suck a donkey dick”

“Hah. Not bad.” Said Arbiter, walking up to The Vindicator from behind.

“Why thank you.” He paused, turning around to look at Arbiter’s character. “You’re not friends with the green troll, or you?”

“I have to live with him. Unfortunately. It’s a long story.”

“Aah, I see.” The Vindicator then suddenly ran off, not wanting to be an easy target. Arbiter trailed him and it wasn’t long before they found Chief again. He barely had time to react as The Vindicator threw a plasma grenade and it stuck right onto Chief’s leg. It exploded shortly after.

“goddamit!!1”

“You’re not bad at this.”

“I wouldn’t say I’m the best...although I know how to put most idiots here in their place.”

“Doesn’t take much if you know how.”

The EliteVindicator let out a short chortle. “Exactly. And since there are a lot of them...” He turned around, impaling Chief with the energy sword. “My kill death ratio is good.”

“fucks sake ur real1y pissin me off nao”

“I wasn’t before?” The Vindicator quipped.

“As much as I enjoy this charade, do you mind toning it down a bit? You’re starting to grief.”

“I am afraid that I cannot do that.” He replied, a stern undertone evident in his voice. Before the Arbiter could talk, he continued. “I’m sure you have encountered more than a fair share of trolls on the internet. Some are relatively harmless. Others just idiotic. But some...” he looked down. “Some ruin lives. You surely must have heard the stories. People committing suicide due to online bullying.” The sound of spitting could be heard.

“The amount a troll will go to just to get a cheap laugh never ceases to disgust me. I know exactly why they do it. The internet is a lawless place. There are little real life consequences. Almost everything happens online. You can say whatever the hell you want to another and never have to worry about meeting them in person.”

A bullet straight from Chief hit his armor, interrupting him. He pulled out his own gun and strafed from side to side. Yet again, Chief was killed. He screamed curse words into the mic but the other two just ignored him.

“And so I attempt to bring consequence into these wild lands. You call it griefing. I call it just. These trolls must learn the error of their ways or be dealt with. It’s the only way.”

“So you counter trolls by doing exactly what some do? Not the smartest move if you want to keep your integrity.”

“Fight fire with fire. Many people say it doesn’t work but it certainly does if you use it correctly. As a species, we will always shirk off responsibility or consequence whenever we can. But present it to them and they will often change their ways.”

“Many criminals never change their ways. No matter how much prison time they get.”

“Prison is too soft. You get free food and somewhere to live. It’s a haven for the less fortunate. And before you mention rehabilitation, I know that it works very well in most cases. It may not be a punishment, yet the concept is the exact same: people are taught to live like how a good person should live. Therefore, they realize what they did was wrong. They get guilt. Guilt is a terrible thing my friend.”

“omg r u finished fuckin hell” Chief said. He had resorted to keeping away from The Vindicator, considering he wasn’t actively hunting him.

“Well I can see that convincing you to change your over zealous ways would get me nowhere.”

“So will you choose the option of stopping me?”

“No way. Been involved in way too much online shit blowing up. I’ll be the better man and walk away.” And with that, he turned and did exactly what he said.

“A wise decision. Although your friend will continue to be targeted.”

The Arbiter stopped in his tracks.

“Are you really going to chase just one guy? That’s really pathetic dude.”

“Heh. Well I am hardly alone. In fact, I head an organisation--or clan--called the Anti Trolling Alliance. I have quite the number of loyal members, if I do say so myself. So rest assured, we have the means to find your friend wherever he is.”

There was a long silence before anything else was said or done. Suddenly, the screen turned to black.

“hey wtf did u do that 4??!!” Chief protested, pointing at the now dormant Xbox.

“We have to lay low for a few days. Maybe a week. Anything to get those dipshits to leave us alone.” Arbiter replied, standing up.

“well wat the hell do u do now smartass?”

Arbiter shrugged. “Talk to the ponies I suppose.”

“u hav no idea how gay that sounds”

“I take it you’re not coming with me then?”

Chief paused for a bit. “fien fien nothing better 2 do” He stood up, then pointed a finger at Arbiter. “but i still dont leik them tho”

“God forbid.”

The plastic duo scaled down from the chair and wandered the carpeted expanse of the apartment. They two looked for any signs for the others but to no avail.

“Where the hell is everypony?”

The pair went silent and Chief slowly turned to face Arbiter. He then shuddered with laughter and pointed a finger at the alien.

“omg u actully just said that teh ponies hav infected u lolololol”

“Shut the fuck up. It was just a slip of the tongue. Jesus. Get over it.”

“lolololol arbiters a pony lololololol” Chief swung his hips from side to side as he chanted.

“Sigh.” Was the only thing Arbiter could say.

“What’s going on? Is Chief doing something stupid again?” Twilight asked. She--along with Fluttershy and Greg--were walking towards the pair from the direction of Jon’s room.

“How did you guess?” Arbiter replied, giving them a nod as a greeting. Chief kept on dancing.

“Well based off my observations, the ‘lolololol’ call, “ she said it with mild confusion, “is what Chief spouts out whenever he feels triumphant over someone else or has done something that amuses himself.”

“You make him sound like an animal.” He glanced at the dancing Chief. “It’s probably more accurate to call him one.”

“Oh no, he isn’t an animal. I can tell.” Fluttershy stated.

“Well Greg’s an animal and he’s smarter and more civilised than Chief will ever be. Amazing, considering that he spits silk out of himself to travel around.”

Greg began his usual scribbling.

Id prefer it if you dont call me an animal, thanks :)

“Ah, sorry. But you get my point.”

That i do and i take pride in it.

“I think we should all be proud that we’re not Chief.” Twilight smirked. Chief meanwhile, had snapped back to reality.

“well teknically u ponies are animals cuz u r ponies” He pointed objectively at the two mares.

“While we may be based on Earth equines, we are far more intelligent than them and have a society of our own.” Twilight replied, with a hint of smugness.

“omg thats only in teh show”

“Well yes but--”

“no buts cuz the only 1 u shud want is mien lol. anywayz thats only in teh show so it isnt real. teh wurld isnt ruled by a princess thatd be fuckin retarded.” Going over to Twilight, he knocked her on the head. “get ur head out of teh clouds and accept that this is earth.” Everyone was stunned by Chief’s words but none more so than Twilight.

“and since this is earth u can stop fuckin sayin words like ‘everypony’ cuz now arbiter is startin to say it and it sounds so fuckin retarded. most of your language is english anyway good god u 0nly need a change a couple of werds is that so hard?”

Twilight stuttered, trying to form a response. But Chief did not let up.

“i love haloz since haloz is teh best gamez of all time but even i kno that its just a game. its not real. my little pony isnt real. ponyland or watever teh fuck it is isnt real either. get a grip on reality you pathetic l0ser. u think ur so smart but if u cant seperate fictien from reality then ur a demented dipshit”

“Chief! That’s enough.” Arbiter commanded, looking directly at Chief’s visor. There was a tense pause as Chief looked back.

“fien ill fuck off if u want me 2” Chief held up his hands defensively, looking at all the others but he had his eye on Fluttershy in particular. Twilight had her head down and Fluttershy was looking worriedly at her. “hey fluttershi come with me i wanna talk”

“Um...uh...okay...” Fluttershy responded weakly. No one else stopped her from walking off with Chief to the bathroom. She kept looking at Twilight though, desperate to make her feel better. When the bathroom door slammed shut, she knew it was too late.

Arbiter broke the silence after he heard the door shut. “Twilight...are you ok?”

The unicorn didn’t look up, nor did she speak for a while. “I...I just need to be myself for a while, okay?” Twilight said with a trembling voice. She didn’t wait for the others to respond, slowly walking away towards Jon’s bedroom.

“Shit.” Arbiter had waited for the mare to be outside audible range before speaking. “As much as I hate to say it, Chief was right.”

I guess...but he didnt have to say it like that : /

“Mhm. Hopefully Fluttershy will sort him out.” The two exchanged glances. “Okay that’s a longshot. I’ll go talk to him then.”

Greg placed a leg on Arbiter before he could go, although Arbiter did flinch from the contact.

Ill go. You see Twilight.

“Alright then. Good luck. You’ll probably need it.”

And good luck to you too ;)

And with that, the toys made their separate ways. Arbiter was thankful for the respite from Chief yet he knew that he would probably have to sort him out sooner or later. He shook his head as he walked. Chief didn’t honestly matter now. It was Twilight that needed a friend. And hopefully Arbiter would suffice.

Arbiter sussed that Twilight would have retreated into Jon’s room so he briskly made his way over there. Upon entering the room, he at first didn’t see a sign of the mare. However when he looked at the window, he saw her sitting on the sill, gazing out at the city skyline. He made his way up, having to make a few jumps off objects in order to get there. When he looked at her, he saw something he never thought he would see in real life. Tears.

He slightly envied her capacity to show emotion but knew that this wasn’t the time for jealousy. “Hey.” Twilight didn’t give him a response so he continued. “I know that you said you wanted to be alone but...” he mumbled, finding it hard to come up with the words. This wasn’t something he had ever dealt with before and truthfully, he began to think that he wasn’t qualified to help. “But you need someone right now. You think you don’t but you do.”

A silence went by, neither awkward nor companionable. It was merely silence. During which, Arbiter thought he saw the briefest of smiles appear on Twilight’s face, if only for a second. “I don’t belong here Arbiter...me and Fluttershy...we don’t belong.”

“What are you on about? Of course you do.”

Twilight shook her head. “No...I don’t think so.”

Arbiter was quick to respond. He couldn’t let the ponies leave. Not now. “Then what are you thinking of? Leaving?”

Twilight didn’t reply.

“You really think you’ll survive out there?” Arbiter pointed at the skyscrapers, “Because if you do think so, then maybe you really are deluded.”

Arbiter halted, realizing what he just said. “Crap. I’m sorry, I...I’ll be blunt: I haven’t the slightest idea of how to about doing this.”

Twilight finally broke her stare from the city scenery and looked at Arbiter, yet she was still silent. The look alone, however, encouraged Arbiter to go on.

“What I’m trying to say is that...no, you don’t belong. But neither do me, Chief...hell, even Greg. Just how many spiders do you see carrying pens and post-it notes?” Still more silence from Twilight. “Exactly. None.”

“I didn’t mean the world in general...I meant here. This apartment. Still, I suppose you’re right...we can’t just leave...” she trailed off, looking down.

“I think you do. If anything, Chief’s the odd one out here.”

“But you’re all so different from me and Fluttershy. You can see it,” Twilight looked up at the alien figure, “can’t you?”

“Yeah...but...” It was a risky strategy, considering he didn’t know much about it but Arbiter decided to act on his thoughts. “Surely the show, Friendship is Magic, surely that teaches viewers that no matter how different people are, they can still be friends?”

“But Chief--”

“Fuck him. Even if he is a little right...listen, we can learn from show’s if they give us the right lessons. Now you can probably tell what lessons My Little Pony gives us. But Chief is right in that we shouldn’t base our lives on what isn’t reality. Honestly, I’d stop saying words like ‘everypony’. One, it helps you detach yourself from the show and that will help you to fit in. And two, it won’t piss off Chief.”

Twilight wiped her eyes, the tears having stopped coming by now. “I think I understand now.” she said, standing up and giving Arbiter a warm smile, “Thank you Arbiter.”

“No problem. Glad I could help.”

Twilight stepped forward, then somewhat impulsively wrapped her forelegs around Arbiter, giving him a hug. Arbiter was stunned into silence and still didn’t speak even when Twilight broke away.

“Sorry if you don’t like hugs but...I needed one.” Twilight uttered awkwardly.

“It’s...it’s fine...it’s...” Arbiter felt like a weight was being lifted within him. But what was it? True happiness? Maybe.

“It’s nice.”

Greg was perched on the doorknob to the bathroom door, trying to listen in to Chief and Fluttershy’s conversation. Perhaps Fluttershy really was giving Chief a talk, telling him that what he said was too stron--

“aaaaaaaaaaaaaw yeah baby k33p going thats teh stuff”

Or not. Greg twisted the doorknob and the door slowly opened. He quickly scuttled inside the room, climbing onto the cabinet where the sink was and stared at the peculiar sight before him.

Chief was reclining against the side of the sink, seemingly enjoying the warm tap water that filled the sink. A rubber duck harmlessly floated at the other side. Fluttershy meanwhile, was massaging Chief’s plastic shoulders. Both looked at Greg in complete silence when he appeared.

“oh haaaaaai”

Chief what the hell are u doing?

“chillin with ma homey fluttershi wat does it look like lol?” Chief held up his hands in an innocent gesture.

Just looks like you’re forcing her to give u a massage.

“noooooooo its not like that is it fluttershi???? right fluttershi??”

“Um...r-right.” Fluttershy squeaked, focusing on rubbing Chief’s shoulders.

“c? she wants 2 do it greg so let her lol”

Greg stepped forward, writing on another post-it note and showing it to Fluttershy’s face. You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.

Fluttershy looked from the words to the spider. “Oh it’s fine Greg...”

You sure?

“Yes.”

“omg can u go naaaaaaao???”

Greg withdrew, looking at Fluttershy the whole time. She was so kind, which meant that she was an awful liar. But she seemed too steadfast in her current position to do anything about it. Arbiter would have to know about this. At least she was only giving Chief a massage for now.

Ill go then, have fun you two. With that, Greg crawled away, Fluttershy watching him go. A inaudible sigh escaped from her mouth.

“oh we will” Chief replied, staying silent until he heard the bathroom door shut, signalling Greg’s exit. He turned around, looking at the pegasus. “did i say u cud stop?? no i didnt so keep g0ing”

“Um, y-yes.” Fluttershy stammered, hurriedly massaging Chief.

“thats Master Ch33f to u”

“Y-Yes Master Chief...”