Beware of Beanis

by Syeekoh

Rating: mature
Tags: Equestria Girls, Sex, Sunset Shimmer, Random, Twilight Sparkle (EqG), Slice of Life, Rainbow Dash (EqG)
Length: 1142

Twilight makes a penis out of beans.

Twilight succeeds in making a fully functional penis out of bean-paste.

Sunset isn’t entirely sure why she did that.

Artwork by Kamikakushi!

Published 2017-05-16 00:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-05-16 00:20:01 UTC

This was never a good idea

Sunset Shimmer stared inside of the box that her friend Twilight Sparkle had just unlidded. She rotated her jaw a bit as her eyes widened. She glanced over at Twilight, who was absolutely beaming. He eyes shifted between Twilight and the contents of the box.

“Twilight,” Sunset asked, “is that what I think it is?”

Twilight’s smile straightened out as she looked at her friend. “… W-what do you think it is?”

Sunset inhaled and pinched the bridge of her nose. “It looks like,” she said before exhaling, “it looks like a penis made of beans.”

“Yep!” Twilight affirmed as the grin reappeared on her face. “It’s a beanis!” she said as she reached inside and pulled out the legume-y phallus. It hung limp, draped across her hand.

Sunset looked away as a soft blush traversed her cheeks. “That’s, that’s, that’s what I was afraid of.” She pressed her eyes shut and took another deep breath. “I’m probably going to regret asking, but―”

“It’s fully functional, including ejaculation,” Twilight said, the smile threatening to split her face apart. “Did you think I would make a non-functional beanis?”

Sunset sat down in an available chair as she grabbed her forehead. “Not what I was going to ask, but it does add to the question of exactly how you managed to make a penis made of beans―”

“Beanis.”

“Right.” Sunset grunted as she rolled her eyes. “How could I forget to address… whatever that is by its made-up name.”

Twilight narrowed her eyes as she glared at Sunset. “I’ll have you know its proper name is beanis trademark, because I’m going to patent it after the initial test run,” she said. The beanis twitched a little bit in her hand.

Sunset let out a protracted groan. “Okay, whatever.” She stared at Twilight. “The beanis.”

Twilight smiled and nodded. “Thank you.”

“Okay.” Sunset rubbed her eyes. “Now, as to my initial question, exactly how did you make the, uh,” Sunset asked before she rolled her wrist, “the beanis?”

“Well,” Twilight started as she paced around, “it was simple, really.” She chuckled softly. “I just molded bean paste into a tubular shape, fused it together in an extreme heat environment, then suffused a healthy dose of Equestria’s unique electromagnetic energy into it.”

Sunset sighed. “So you cooked a lump of beans in the oven then zapped it with magic.”

“That’s what I said, yes.”

“Then why didn’t you.” Sunset shook her head. “Never mind, I’m getting off track.” She shot a scowl at Twilight, Twilight flinching slightly. “What possessed you to do something so retarded?”

Twilight glowered at Sunset. “I’ll have you know that word is highly offensive and I―”

“I don’t care how offensive it is because it applies here. This is absolutely retarded.”

“Now you see here, Sunset,” Twilight said as she shook the be-beanised hand at Sunset, the beany member plumping in her grasp. “I am making decades ofscientific progress in sexual science here, so…”

Sunset stopped listening to Twilight’s tirade as she noticed the beanis in Twilight’s hand hardening and hardening until it became fully erect, it positively pulsing in Twilight hand.

“… and that’s why―”

“Twilight put that thing down before it goes off!”

“Huh?” Twilight raised an eyebrow and looked down at the throbbing bean-paste pecker in her hand. “R-right!” she said as she quickly placed it on the counter, where it seized in place.

Sunset slowly stood up and made her way to the counter to stare at the quivering beanis. “I guess you weren’t kidding when you said it was fully functional.”

“You doubted me?” Twilight said with a smirk on her face as she ran a hand through her hair.

Sunset hummed. “Anyway, who did you make this for? I’m assuming it isn’t you?”

Twilight blushed and fidgeted with a nearby scalpel. “It’s… it’s for a friend.”

“Twilight, we have the same five friends,” Sunset deadpanned. “I can keep a secret. Who is it for?”

“Uh… uhm…”

A familiar voice came from outside the workspace. “I’m here for my bean-cock, Twilight!” Sunset slowly turned around to confirm the Rainbow Dash had indeed entered the room. Rainbow Dash crossed her arms and glanced at each of the girls in turn, then scowled at Twilight. “You said no one else would know, Twi.”

Twilight giggled nervously and played with her hair. “Well, ah, uh, I got stuck at the”―she mumbled a bit―”so I had Sunset help me get through it.” She gave Sunset a dirty look. “Isn’t that right?”

Sunset looked at Twilight, then at Rainbow Dash who didn’t look very happy at all, then smiled and clasped her hands together. “Yes, I helped Twilight with that thing she said I helped her with!”

Rainbow stared at the both of them for a few moments, Sunset not sure she was going to buy it for those few moments. She then relaxed, allowing Sunset to let out an internal sigh of relief.

“Okay, I guess if you needed the help, I can’t fault you for that.” Rainbow snickered as she spotted the beanis on the counter and made a beeline for it, her jaw dropping as she leaned down and gave it a close examination. “Oh, wow, it’s twitching!”

Twilight grinned and saluted. “Like I said, as realistic as possible!”

Rainbow Dash smiled at Twilight. “Thanks, Twi. You’re the best.”

Although the scene was touching in its own warped way, there was still one question left on Sunset’s mind, and this was her only chance to ask it.

“So, um, Rainbow,” she said as she cracked her fingers.

“Yes?”

“Why did you ask for a… penis made of beans?”

Rainbow shrugged. “Iunno. Just sounded hot. Everyone’s got their kinks, right?”

“I suppose no Rainbow don’t touch―”

It was too late. Rainbow Dash poked the beanis, causing it to release an off-center shot that went right over Rainbow Dash’s shoulder, hitting Sunset right on her forehead. Rainbow dodged, but Sunset was too shocked to move out of the way of the next few spurts, which hit her chin and splattered her clothes.

Rainbow stared at Sunset for a bit, then started giggling. “You got bean-jizzed on!” She then picked up the beanis and waved at Twilight. “I guess you really did make it life-like!”

“E-eyup!” Twilight said as she chuckled nervously.

Rainbow Dash pat a shivering Sunset on the back. “You, uh, might want to clean yourself off there. Later,” she said as she left the room.

Sunset and Twilight shared a glance, Sunset’s shivers calming down and Twilight with her lips pursed.

“I, um,” Sunset said, “I’m going to use your shower so I don’t smell like a burrito.”

Twilight looked down and to the side. “Yeah, sure. Just let me remove the cameras first.”

Sunset nodded. “Yeah, do whatever you need to―what.”